tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 13, 2020 12:36am-1:06am PDT
we had a little shaker here last night. a 5.5. and on top of everything else, there's an asteroid heading our way. on saturday night, an asteroid that is said to be the size of the empire state building will pass close by earth. who knows? maybe we'll get lucky and it'll hit us. as of today, several hotel casinos are open for business in vegas, with safety measures in place. this is at mgm. they've got hand-washing stations, glass partitions at the craps tables. playing blackjack now is like visiting a relative in prison. how do you let the dealer know you want another card? do you tap the glass? you can see, they have plenty of hand sanitizer. even the go-go dancers are wearing plastic face shields. it's like "blade runner." how this is safe, i don't know. going to a casino during a pandemic is that gray area between regular roulette and the russian kind. a day after charges were filed against all four officers involved in the death of george floyd, the mood in our
country is a bit brighter. protests continue nationwide but common ground is being reached. in lincoln, nebraska, police and protesters even had an impromptu dance party. ♪ ♪ was that a protest or tom selleck's wedding reception? are we sure those were real cops and not strippers? i've been fooled before. that was the scene in lincoln. in washington, where law enforcement has taken a much more forceful approach, including tear-gassing peaceful protestors -- things are not as amicable. authorities there are busy erecting another fence around the existing white house fence. two fences. wasn't that a spin doctors song? so it looks like trump is finally getting his wall built after all. how long before we find out don junior invested in a fence company? yesterday, trump's former
secretary of defense, four star general james "mad dog" mattis, gave the president a one star yelp review. he lambasted his former boss, saying, "we are witnessing the consequences of three years without mature leadership." and that trump is a threat to the constitution. of the united states. the president, of course, fired back right away. tweeting, "probably the only thing barack obama and i have in common is that we both had the honor of firing jim mattis, the world's most overrated general." didn't he call meryl streep overrated too? "i asked for his letter of resignation, and felt great about it. his nickname was "chaos", which i didn't like, and changed to "mad dog." which, not only is that not true, he had that nickname for years. it's -- what a strange thing to lie about. so easily disproved! remember that movie "romy and michele's high school reunion" where they lie and say they invented post-it notes? it's like that, but from the president. and this is interesting, someone came up with a very clever way
to debunk the president's claim that his free speech is being targeted for censorship on twitter. a guy started posting the president's tweets last week, verbatim, on his own account. he just cut and pasted the president's tweets and guess what happened? he got suspended for violating twitter's rules against glorifying violence. maybe twitter has a way of determining who is and isn't a threat based on how tiny the person who tweeted's thumbs are. i don't know. meanwhile, snapchat has announced they will no longer promote the president's account because they believe his comments could incite violence. raise your hand if you're just now learning the president is on snapchat? i didn't know either. and since the president refuses to filter himself, snapchat is also now - adding a filter for him. >> i've seen you and the first lady interact. she's such an important part of your life. how much do you rely on her? to get feedback on messaging and
comments that you make? >> so, she's treated unfairly, but the people love her. the people love her. when i make a speech, they have sign, we love our first -- you've seen hundreds of signs, we love our first lady. we sometimes have pictures of high heels, it's beautiful. >> jimmy: i knew he wore diapers. so twitter and snapchat have taken action to temper the president's lies. meanwhile, mark zuckerberg is up in his penthouse office, masturbating to the balance of his checking account. donny boo boo sat for a 22-minute interview yesterday on something called "newsmax tv." it was a favor to his second-favorite sean, former press secretary sean spicer. don and sean covered the whole spectrum of hard hitting topics from why trump is awesome to why he is great. and they had a chat about trump's ill-advised walk to church. >> we walked from the white house, and i think everything was handled very well. i will tell you, religious leaders loved it. religious leaders thought it was great. they loved it. >> jimmy: i even got a thank you note from god. he loved it too.
people weren't yelling, "jesus christ" because they loved it. spicer also lobbed trump a question about his faith, and listen very carefully to how he doesn't answer this. >> since you've been president, have you grown in your faith? do you pray? do you pray often? you talk a lot about religion this week, what does it mean to you? >> so i think maybe i have, from the standpoint that i see so much that i can do. i've done so much for religion. >> jimmy: so the answer is no. he's done so much for religion. you know, technically, satan has done a lot for religion too. this was some interview. you've got to watch the whole thing. maybe my favorite part, after all that has gone on in minneapolis this week, it seems the president still doesn't know how to pronounce it. >> look, i stopped it in minnesota, minny-in-apolis. >> jimmy: minny-in-apolis. but maybe that was just a slip of the tongue. maybe that was the hydroxy kicking in. i'm sure he got it right the next time. >> the mayor of minny-in-apolis. >> jimmy: nope.
mini annapolis. it's a tiny naval base in maryland and as if that wasn't enough, it was the return of the president's favorite vampire bat. rudy giuliani was on "good morning britain with piers morgan." piers used to be the president's pal, but i guess that doesn't suit him anymore so now he's a critic and rudy g doesn't like that at all. >> the interview was over as far as i'm concerned. >> you sound completely barking mad, do you know that? >> no, a big liar. >> you've lost the plot, and it's sad to see. >> you're the one who got thrown off of television here, because you had ratings that were about two. >> yeah. >> so don't tell me i've lost anything! >> you keep going, rudy. >> i know what happened to your show, piers. i remember the mistakes you made and how you [ bleep ]ed up. don't give me that stuff, i know who you are. >> jimmy: welcome back rudy. we missed you. i hope the rabies shots don't hurt as much as i hear they do. so that's what the former mayor
of new york is up to. the current mayor is getting hammered from all sides, including his own staff. at a press conference yesterday, with his city in the middle of massive protests and civil unrest, he wanted to remind everyone of the song "imagine" by john lennon. which is lame for sure, but somehow, this morning on "fox and friends, "weatherman brian kilmeade, somehow managed to out-lame it. >> he wants you to hum "imagine" by john lennon. he wants us to imagine -- john lennon wouldn't be safe in the city right now. he'd be hiding in his apartment. >> jimmy: nobody tell brian how john lennon died. let him google it. the school year is mercifully coming to an end, but many parents are still homeschooling and experiencing senioritis for the second time in their lives. but fear not because help is here in an adorable little package. it's time for homework corner with guillermo. ♪ >> guillermo: hi, welcome to homework corner with guillermo. today question is, nose is to
beak as arm is to? you know, guys? i order uber eats, and i think it's outside. i'll be right back, okay? ♪ >> jimmy: and we never saw him again. we have a good show for you tonight. we have an otherworldly surprise for our healthcare hero of the week and we will be right back with wanda sykes. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by progressive. [ cellphone chimes ] um, so, we're talking 24/7 protection. as it -- [ cellphone chimes ] [ clears throat ] mara, hello. [ cellphone clicking ] yeah? we can see you on your phone.
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we have some fun guests for you next week, including "the black panther," chadwick boseman, the snowman, josh gad, and pete davidson too. my guest tonight is one of the funniest people on the planet. i think she's still on the planet. let's check. please welcome wanda sykes. hello, wanda. >> hey, jimmy, yeah, i'm still on the planet, didn't take the rocket ship out of here, yet. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i wanted to talk to you, because you have been, on social media, i have really enjoyed and learned from watching you. as a matter of fact you posted a video, a long video. you said you had a couple drinks at the beginning of it, and then you spoke very eloquently and very passionately about, i think you said something about like white people need to step up. and you were speaking specifically about your friends, and i thought that was illuminating and pretty great to watch. >> thank you. you know, let me just start off by saying that, you know, that george clooney, he makes a mean tequila. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: he crushes the potatoes with his feet. >> whatever, i think it's agave. he makes a mean tequila. and, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it just kind of just got me to the, i was already just so frustrated and angry and, and, you know, we're just tired of this man. it's just like we've been in, keep going in this same thing over and over again, and i think this one, it just, it was it. this was, this was the, like it was just enough. and i just had to say something, you know, it's like we can't do it alone. if we're out there marching and asking for change, we need white people to do it. we need white people to tell white people to stop being
racist. because, when we do it, obviously, it's not working. you know, it's like the person that's kicking your butt, you can't ask us, hey, why can't you make them stop kicking your butt. it doesn't work like that. >> jimmy: i saw some footage of a protest today in manhattan beach, and it was interesting, because it was almost all entirely white people marching for black lives matter. and, you know, i hope, it seems like with almost everything that is very serious, it is at the top of our minds for a while. and then we just move on to the next thing. it really is a shame, but i guess that's human nature, but i hope that this is something that really sticks with people. >> oh, this is different. you can feel it. can you feel this is different. like i say, you can see white people out there, and i guess we just had to tell y'all, hey, it's okay. you can march.
we need you involved. and i see that. just in my neighborhood. i had to go to the grocery store. there was a bunch of white kids on the corner, you know, and some black kids, too. and they were out protesting, and it's just beautiful, beautiful to see. so i think we are going to see some, some movement. >> jimmy: does what's going on make you regret having voted for donald trump? [ laughter ] by the way, i do want to say, i want to change the subject for one second and say if you haven't seen wanda's stand-up comedy special on netflix, especially if you're in the house or whatever, it is hysterically funny, wanda sikes, "not normal " . it is so good and so funny. and kind of gets into some of this stuff, and i really
enjoyed it. you have been in quarantine with the family now? >> yeah, it's been since march 15th. >> jimmy: how old are your twins now? >> they're 11. they're 11. >> jimmy: and you home school them, right? >> no. >> jimmy: you're just doing it now. >> yeah, we're doing it now. i'm not crazy, what's wrong with you? >> jimmy: i know people who do it and they like it. it's not for me, but i can understand how some people would be okay with it. >> huh-uh. man, my son had a, they had math the other day, it was about the metric system. huh-uh. >> jimmy: you've been helping? >> i had to like really look that stuff up, man. i was like, metric system? we didn't learn that, i don't -- no. >> jimmy: we considered it to be un-american to learn the metric system. remember that? we have inches and feet. >> inches and feet, and the doctors, when you get a tumor or
something, don't tell me this is centimeters. tell me what fruit it is. what, i got a lemon? is it a grape? >> jimmy: when you're helping the kids with homework, do you curse? >> i'm sure i do. i'm sure i do. >> jimmy: wanda, every night, i've been making donation to charity, and you chose the ruth ellis center. tell us about the ruth ellis center. >> the ruth ellis center is based in detroit and they take care of lgbtq youth who've been kicked out of their homes or, you know, just all kind of problems just for being who they are. so not only do they provide shelter and clothing and food, but training and education, and now they have health care there. so they're just doing amazing things.
transforming lives for our community. so i love them, and they're doing great work. >> jimmy: if you want to be a part of that and donate, we've put the website right up on the screen, thank you, wanda sikes. i appreciate it. give my best to your family. when we come back, we have a big celebrity surprise for our healthcare hero of the week. wanda sikes, everybody. >> thanks, jimmy. ♪ ♪ ♪ is all about protecting one thing:
the fun! anywhere under the sun fun. sidewalk fun! long-lasting fun! poolside fun. banana boat sunscreen lasts as long as the fun does. it's like walking into the chocolate factory and you won a golden ticket. all of these are face masks. this looks like a bottle of vodka. but when we first got these, we were like whoa! [laughing] my three-year-old, when we get a box delivered, screams "mommy's work!" mommy's work. with this pandemic, safety is even more important to make sure we go home safe every single day.
our healthcare hero this week is chloe ducose. she is a nurse from san diego, california. hello-e chloe! how are you? >> hi! >> jimmy: hello. so, chloe, i heard you work in a tent giving covid tests. i have to be honest, that sounds terrible. >> yeah, i've been picking boogers for a while. >> jimmy: i never thought of the booger factor. i guess that would happen, huh? >> it really helps with the patients, they think you want to pick your brain, no, it's just the boogers. >> jimmy: has it been hot and miserable? >> now that it's heating up, it's been boiling, it's been 90 degree weather, so it's not great, but we're managing. >> jimmy: i heard you were a big star wars fan, is that true? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: how many times have you watched the "star wars" movies, all of them, from beginning to end?
>> a lot. let's just put it that way. >> jimmy: more than ten? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. i thought it might be fun to introduce you to somebody to say hello who would like to thank you for all the work that you're doing. and, if -- >> what the heck? >> jimmy: i'd like to direct your attention to mr. mark hamill. >> oh, my god! hi! >> chloe! chloe! >> nice to meet you. >> the force is strong with you. i applaud you for having seen the "star wars" movies more than i have. >> oh, my god, hi. >> hi. i used to live in san diego. >> did you really? >> i went to fourth through seventh grade in clairemont. >> oh, my gosh, i've been
working out of there, too, doing some office work. >> i've been reading about all you've done, six years a nurse, teaching at night. you're in the tents. i mean, that's so great. i mean, to me, i'm the pretend hero, you're the real-life hero. so thank you for your service. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: chloe, are you haluce na nating now? >> jimmy: chloe, are you haluce nating now? >> i'm having palpitations. >> jimmy: thank you for your work on the front lines. >> paypal is sending you $10,000. they have been sending gifts of thanks and they will be sending paypal vouchers to your co-workers at the clinic there in san diego, too. >> oh, my gosh. >> i have something for you, chloe. i am going to sign this lightsaber and have it delivered to you. i want you to use it wisely.
if you go to any protests, please leave it, please leave it at home. >> jimmy: yes, to are sure. >> all right? >> yes, sir. thank you so much. >> thank you for your support. thank you for being a fan to me. "star wars" fans are more than just fans. they're more like family, so thank you for that. and may the force be with you always. >> may the force be with you, too. >> jimmy: may the force be with both of you. viewers at home, you can pay it forward to heroes in your communities with the paypal app. thank you, chloe, thank you, mark, that was so nice of you to do that. >> my pleasure. thanks, guys. >> thank you. ♪ now, every hybrid vehicle in toyota's lineup is available with 0% financing. with fewer stops for gas, toyota hybrids give you the confidence to go farther. and with 0% financing, toyota hybrids are even more thrilling. enjoy more freedom in a toyota hybrid. see your toyota dealer or shop and buy online. all from the brand you trust. today and tomorrow. toyota.
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