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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  June 30, 2020 11:35pm-12:06am PDT

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appreciate your time. right ow on jimmy kimmel, howie mandel. good night. ♪ ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ba, da, ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculous. >> from his house! >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. welcome to my abode. hey, remember when marie condo made us throw out all our stuff i want those things back now. it seems like every day we're learning something new while we're in quarantine. for instance, this is something i learned over the weekend. did you know hitler had an alligator? well, he did, and now that alligator is dead. this is a gator named saturn who passed away at age 84. during world war ii, saturn was believed to have been owned by adolf hitler, which is crazy. who knew hitler had his own neverland ranch.
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the moscow zoo, which is where saturn retired, who issued a statement, even theoretically, if the animal belonged to someone, animals are not involved in war and politics it is absurd to blame them for human sins. but how about that, hitler had an alligator. a weird haircut, exotic pets. this really was the joe exotic of the '40s. here in california, we are entering phase three of the governor's plan to reopen the say the. eric garcetti announced all retail businesses are allowed to let customers in, provided they take the necessary precautions. curbside botox injections could start up again as soon as next week. in las vegas, several casinos are set to open. they will be offering
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no-contact, curb-side delivery, which means you can drop off your money and drive away without ever having to go inside to lose. the governor of nevada, steve sisolak says they've taken every precaution possible and that he doesn't think you're going to find a safer place to come than las vegas. here's the thing. you know things are messed up when las vegas is bragging about how safe it is. before this, the slogan was, even if you killed a hooker, no one will ever find out, right? the president and his space poodle were in florida today for the big nasa spacex launch. this would have been the first time ever a private company sent astronauts into orbit, the astronauts, nasa guys, that's the wrong bob and doug. there's the right bob and doug, dressed like part of the tron laser light parade. the mission had to be scrubbed
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at the last minute due to weather. the astronauts were all strapped in, all ready to go. and they canceled the launch. trump got very nervous. he thought they said they were canceling the lunch. but it was just the launch. people are blaming the president for jinxing this thing because he showed up to see it, just like they say he jinxed alabama by showing up to their home game or how he's jinxed everything he's ever touched. but this is not his fault. elon musk's test run for his escape from earth will have to wait and you can't blame the president for it. they have to wait for saturday, which is disappointing to trump. he's been a big proponent of getting americans the hell off this planet. >> a lot of very important things will be taking place in space. we'll be doing the moon. i just call it space. we want space. we're creating a new force, and it's called the space force, and that's a big thing.
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space is terrific. space is terrific. space. >> going to be a lot of things happening in space. >> people are surprised when he doesn't wear a mask. so anyway, this is how the day started, and this is how the day ended. it's been an all-caps kind of week for our dear misleader. twitter for the first time ever flagged his tweets as potentially misleading. this is the first time they've ever done something like this. they put a link below the tweet saying get the facts about mail-in ballots, disproving trump's claim that mail-in ballots lead to widespread voter fraud. do we really need twitter to tell us that, he took to twitter to lash out. he wrote twitter is now
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interfering in the 2020 presidential election. they are saying my statement on mail-in ballots which will lead to massive corruption and fraud is fake. they would have labeled that tweet as misleading, too, but he continued. twitter is completely stifling free speech, and i, as president, will not let that happen. what that means, who knows. i guess it was only a matter of time before donald trump would be in a twitter feud with twitter. this vote by mail is pretty scary. he's setting the stage to claim he was cheated if he loses the election, which could potentially result in real violence in this country, and to help him push our democracy toward the edge of a cliff, kellyanne conway spoke to the press saying pandemic. >> people wait in line for an
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hour to get a cupcake. >> jimmy: you hear that, jane? you get a cupcake. >> what? >> jimmy: she's not listening to me, either. she won big points with president sprinkles on that one. that's as close as he gets to a threesome nowadays, vote or diabetes. there's a lot of stupid stuff going on in washington. that's why we need kids in school so they don't grow up to be donald trump. kids in zoom school, our guillermo has been offering his services as a tutor. for that, go get the kids, it's time for homework corner with guillermo. >> guillermo: welcome to homework corner with guillermo. today question is what is the chemical symbol of water. okay. symbol of water.
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symbol of water. well, listen, i don't drink water. i only drink tequila. so unfortunately, i cannot help you. >> jimmy: do you know what tequila is? >> hm-mm. >> jimmy: no, that's good. all right. gracias, guillermo. we need to take a break. but we'll be right back with the squeaky-clean howie mandel. ♪ >> dicky: abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by dick's sporting goods.
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from my house. tomorrow night my guest will be dakota johnson who just happens to be my next door neighbor. we're going to scream to each other over the fence. and on friday night we welcome the great sean penn. no one in the world was more prepared for these uncertain times than my guest tonight his whole life to this point has been a pandemic bootcamp. you can watch him safely on the new season of 'america's got talent' tuesday nights on nbc-please welcome mr purell, howie mandel. hi, howie. how are you doing?
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>> hi, jimmy. ten weeks, ten weeks. when do the salons open up? when can you go to a barber, ten weeks? >> jimmy: your hair is really unkept. it's getting out of control. >> oh, my god, it is. look at my roots. i don't know if you can see. it's been crazy. you're lucky, you got a show every day. i got to look for things to do each and every day. >> jimmy: what are you doing? >> everybody was doing banana bread, and then tie-dyeing. my wife and i, we don't know how though tie-dye, but we made these. we made these. i don't know if you can see this. >> jimmy: you made that? >> so we made about 200 of them. and a portion of the proceeds go to us. so i'm really, sighted about what i've been doing. >> jimmy: i am flattered, i have to say, so howie, i want to talk
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to you, because honestly, when this happened, i swear to god, were you one of the first people i thought of. it was like, i don't know, like you think of rudolph at christmas time. i thought, oh, howie has been warning us about this for so many years, and i feel like, i would imagine that you got contacted by most everyone you've ever met, yeah. >> well, like you just pointed out. rudolph for christmas, judolph for pandemic. this is the nightmare going on inside my head for the last 64 years. welcome to my nightmare, jimmy. this is what it's like to be howie mandel. >> jimmy: we are all howie mandel now, and it's interesting. it's no fun. >> it's not fun being me, even from the cusp of this, it's not fun being me. we'll talk about this later, i was taping agt which started premiering at the beginning of it, right?
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and it was kind of funny, before we even got shut down. heidi klum walks in and i said god, you look great. she goes, this is my entrance outfit. there's cameras out there like tmz and all these other people, and i go, you have an entrance outfit. that's a good idea. so the next day, knew this pandemic was happening and all was aflutter about toilet paper and safety. this is before they shut everything down. it would be kind of funny. my outfit will be, and i took a bicycle helmet, and i took a roll of toilet paper, not say anything, just walking out of the car, thinking great, it will be funny, right? if you look in the paper, it was at the daily mail, a big uk paper, it say the sofia vergara, wearing armani enters the stage. heidi klum wearing versace, look
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at her beautiful jeans and jacket, then howie mandel arrived in a helmet and his own toilet paper. no reference to a pandemic. >> jimmy: what you've done is pulled a prank on yourself, which is kind of perfect. i know you love, you love pulling pranks, and you've done some funny stuff to me. but now that you're in the house, are you just torturing your wife? what's going on there? >> i did. i did. everybody was doing, this is my -- i'll give you an idea of the sense of what's going on in my house. my wife, like a lot of other people, are doing puzzles. i don't like puzzles, but she buys like thousand-piece puzzles and she sits there. that's her whole focus. honey? not now, i know where this goes. i took one piece, and i tied it, and then i just sit there waiting for the next couple days, just waiting. waiting. and then there's always one
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missing, and she screams, and she's in such pain and i'm in such joy. it's the yin and yang of a long marriage. we've been married 40 years. >> jimmy: she must know you have the puzzle piece, right. >> she's a big fan of yours, now she does. she'll be watching you. >> jimmy: are you getting food delivered to your home? or is that off the table? >> i'm the biggest germaphobe in the world. i'm not a heavy guy. i've lost between 15 and 20 pounds, again, she's watching. she's cooking. my wife is cooking. don't laugh. she's not good. she's not a good -- i mean everything i taste goes right through me. she's the worst, i'm not making a joke. this is crap. i told her to make a cookbook. we'll sell it as a diet book but she can make it a recipe book.
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you follow her recipes, it just comes off, look at me. i'm just a fraction of my original self. >> jimmy: have you thought of maybe pitching in and helping in the kitchen and doing some of the cooking for the family yourself? >> no, no, because listen, i shouldn't throw stones, you know, if you live in a glass house. >> jimmy: at your wife, yeah. >> i shouldn't throw stones at -- i can't cook either. both of us are just lost in this house. we're hungry. please send food. >> jimmy: well, you look good. yes, i will send you some food. what we're going to do, we're going to take a break. stick around, i know you have nowhere to go. you have no choice but to stick around. when we come back, howie has an exciting new project that we will unveil together when we return. we'll be right back. return. we'll be right back. ♪ ever. that's why we're offering our best unlimited deal.
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aswhen we closed our wynn committed instantly. to keeping all 15,000 team members on-board. we then focused our five-star level of service to all who needed it. we made improvements to people's lives. we strove to be better and we made people happy. this closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldn't take the wynn and encore out of us. and now, we are proud to welcome you back.
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from my house.
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i am here with howie mandel. did america ever have talent? >> you know, it never ceases to amaze me, not only do we have talent, i don't know if you watched yesterday's show, but we are, we had archie, the guy that was incarcerated. and sofia vergara joined us, heidi klum is back. yes, there's a ton of talent. i'm thrilled, but i have other, i've been busy with other stuff, too. >> jimmy: you've got this master class, and it really is, it turns out to be a stroke of fortune for you that this would happen at this time. >> can i just say one thing? >> jimmy: yes, go ahead. >> the producers of these master classes from the best directors and storytellers and psychologists and scientists. when they approached me, jimmy, that's the pinnacle.
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if i do nothing else in my career, i'm thrilled. >> jimmy: here he is, howie mandel. >> is what i teach a science or an art? i say it's both. i don't refer to it as washing my hands, because to me it's so much more than washing, it's my hands making love. i see a lot of kids who are new to the game, who say, you know, the fingers are the most important, or you've got to get the palms. no! no! that's wrong. you must give each part of the hand equal attention and respect. these are my children. and there are no favorites. they're all equal. this is the ovation. pet the kitty. making stinkies. starting the motorcycle. vrrroom. making it rain. this one's the anxious butterfly.
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sex on the beach. am i an expert? of course not. i am "the" expert. i am howie mandel, and i will teach you to clean your hands cleaner than they've ever been cleaned before. smell my finger. >> jimmy: wow. you know what? so many years of study. so many years of intense concentration, and it all, it's benefitting all of mankind now, thank you, howie mandel. howie, you have chosen our charity for tonight. each night we highlight a charity. i make a donation to that charity. you've chosen kids connect at ucla. tell us about that. >> they just do wonderful work for kids with autism and also
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their parents. it's just a great support group and a great system in teaching it. there are so few places that reach this level of support for, you know, kids with autism and families that are dealing with autism. >> jimmy: well, thank you for highlighting them. thank you for being with us, honest, i've been thinking about you since the very first day of this. and i hope you are taking some satisfaction from the fact that you have washed your hands so thoroughly, so beautifully, and you have not contracted the virus. >> um, i take, there's no satisfaction for me, i'm going nuts. i'm actually, honestly going nuts. the only saving grace is that the people from "master class" approached me and i feel like i can give something back. >> jimmy: i have some bad news for you about that, too, but i'll tell you later. howie mandel, everybody. thank you, howie. we'll be right back. >> what, jimmy? what?
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>> jimmy: well, that is it for us. i want to thank howie mandel, "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, and now, if you'll excuse me, i have 300
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dishes to wash. this is "nightline." >> tonight, arizona on the brink. >> patients are patients are suffering. >> doctors are suffering burnout. >> we're leaving sometimes in tears. >> the dire warning from patients. >> i thought it was okay to go out. i had the mask. it's not as dangerous as everybody thinks it is. >> fears the state could be the next epicenter. indigenous girls learning the skills of survival. how the disappearance of one of their own moved a sisterhood to reclaim their


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