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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 28, 2020 11:35pm-12:06am PDT

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t >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live," with guest host, billy eichner. tonight, billy porter and music from kim petras. and now, billy eichner. >> billy: hello, and welcome to "jimmy kimmel live". i'm not jimmy kimmel, and this is not live. but i am your guest host, billy eichner, not to be confused with music star billie eilish. some people confuse us. but we do have similar careers. she's an 18-year-old music sensation who won multiple grammys. i'm a 41-year-old gay man telling jokes to no one in abandoned house. all of you harvard students angry that you'll have to take online classes this fall, how do you think i feel? when i was a kid i dreamed of hosting a late night show. i never once thought it would be on a set that i just had to swiffer. but i do think this looks better
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than some of the other shows. i think we can agree that the worst part of the pandemic is that every late night talk show looks like a single dad's first youtube video. but i'm excited to be back hosting tonight. apparently i was number one in the ratings last night. so from now on you can call me "ncis: los angeles." let's take a look at the news. hollywood is under a lot of pressure to get back to work. but as governor gavin newsom said today, "even with covid rates spiking all over california, it's all worth it if we can achieve herd immunity among the cast of barry." now as you may have heard, donald trump's niece mary trump is releasing a tell-all book about the president which is already selling well. and she just announced she's working on a series of children's books about the president, including -- "horton withdraws from w.h.o." "the taking tree." "cloudy with a chance of white supremacy." and "goodnight mooch." joe biden has opened up a double
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digit lead over trump in many polls. although trump does a little better among likely voters, and he's actually leading among voters likely to eat cascade. and pundits are saying it's trump's failed response to covid which has helped joe biden make such a big leap in the polls. that's because the virus has exposed trump's flaws, and because it's forced biden to wear a mask, which has allowed him to hide the fact that he looks like a halloween decoration. now don't get me wrong, i'm praying the man wins, but he looks like if you get too close to him his eyes will turn red and he'll start singing "monster mash" until you take out his batteries. and by that i mean he'd be a major improvement. people are saying biden's choice of a vice president will be critical. but i mean, really? we all know that it's going to be one of a handful of people. do you think right at the last minute he's gonna throw us a curveball and pick, like, christina applegate? in celebrity news, timothee chalamet was seen poolside in cabo with his new girlfriend last week. now, i love timothee chalamet like we all do, but i didn't
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realize we were traveling. he's poolside in cabo? meanwhile, i'm at home in my apartment, wearing an n-95 mask and rubbermaid gloves and asking guys on tinder if they're free in 2022. now that said, i applaud jimmy for taking time off to spend with his family. it's so important to have quality time with our loved ones. after i guest host these shows, i'll also be taking time off to be with my chosen family, the cast of hulu's "little fires everywhere." and in snack news, there's a new breakfast cereal on the market. and if your kids like "honey bunches of oats," they'll love "q'anons!" "q'anons cereal." yes, "qanons." the new breakfast cereal which will have kids all over the country saying "you know what, mom? i think debbie wasserman schultz did hire a salvadoran gang to kill seth rich." "qanons" available at your supermarket now, because the only conspiracy is that it's delicious. as you may know, a number of tv doctors like dr phil and dr oz
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have become controversial as of late. and i thought maybe i could offer people a new tv doctor alternative. so i fired up my laptop and did some house calls. these are real people dialing in with real medical questions. it is time now for doctor billy. ♪ >> hello. >> hello. i'm dr. billy. what's your name? >> my name is brittany frost. >> brittany, how can i help you today? what is your problem? >> how long after birth does it take your uterus to go back to normal size. >> wow. >> and how come breast-feeding helps some women lose weight. >> i don't know, but here's what i do know, when the tony awards go over on cbs, if they go even a minute over, they will turn that [ bleep ] off and turn on local news, and i always get so
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angry about that, and i always wonder, why can't you give the tony awards a few extra minutes, you know? you give the theater world is only celebrated on tv one night a year. they can't give them two extra minutes? anyway, what was your other question? ♪ >> alexandra, thanks for joining us, i'm dr. billy, how can i help you today, alexander, what's your problem? >> well, my question is, i've been playing pickle ball lately, and my toe's been hurting. >> hold on. let's back right up. you said you were playing pickle ball? >> pickle ball is a sport that is like a mixture between tennis, ping-pong and badminton. >> everyone can't get enough of pickle ball. tell me your problem. >> i don't know why my toes are hurting so much. >> well, did you ever think you were playing too much [ bleep ] pickle ball? bye.
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hi, i'm dr. billy, how are you today? >> it's a long, long list, but my main issue now -- >> can't wait, heather. >> how much time do you have? >> not a lot. keep going, heather. >> ever since quarantine began, my 13 year old won't leave my side. legit, she's with me every minute of the day. >> your problem is that your kids want to spend time with their mother. >> i don't think you understand how many tik tok videos i've had to watch. >> sweetie, okay, i understand tik tok, okay. i follow black pink. i know k-pop. i know tik tok. i've seen will smith, and he's there and then he's not. and he's there, and he's invisible, and he dressed up as a magician, and all of a sudden he's a chef. jada pinkett smith is there. they have an open relationship, but they don't, they're not man
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and wife. my point is, heather, what would you like your kids to do, though, because we are in this very unique situation. >> i know. >> they can't go to school. can you shut up? ♪ >> and that's dr. billy. you know how they said it gets better? not always the case. >> billy: tonight on the show we've got music from kim petras, and we'll be right back with the great billy porter. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by jeep.
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hi. what's on your mind?in. can you help keep these guys protected online? easy. connect to the xfi gateway. what about wireless data options for the family? you can customize and save. what about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming? let's hook you up with the fastest internet from xfinity. and now with our stores reopening, we're putting healthy practices in place. come visit a store today. stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. now that's simple, easy, awesome. ask. shop. discover at your local xfinity store today. ♪ >> billy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm your impermanent host, billy eichner. coming up in a little bit -- she has racked up over 400 million
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global streams and is making her late night television debut with us tonight. music from kim petras is on the way. i won't be here next week, because two nights of this has already ground me to a nub, so iliza shlesinger will be taking over on monday, followed by whitney cummings on tuesday, and sebastian maniscalco for the rest of the week. my guest tonight is a multi-talented emmy, grammy and tony award winner who's just one had this to say. >> as a black man in america my rights have been up every day as long as i've had breath in my body from all sides, and by that i mean that the black community's relationship with the lgbtq plus community is appalling. at best. and eerily similar to that of white supremacists versus black folk.
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hear me black people, and hear me well. i'm calling you out right here and right now. >> jimmy: that's not the clip from the marvelous mrs. mazel i thought we showing, but i love him. please welcome america's favorite billy, billy porter, how are you, billy? >> hi! thanks for having me. >> there's a lot to talk about. i'm so glad we showed that chip. that's a clip you posted on social media. >> yes. >> obviously in relation to everything the country is experiencing right now and has been now for, well, i was going to say a couple of months and also 400 years. >> yes, thank you. >> and i saw that clip on instagram, and i reposted it, and i was wondering, because, in that clip, you're not only talking about the black lives matter movement in general, you are specifying what is happening
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toespecially black trans women color and calling out people in your own community. and i wonder what inspired you to do that and what the feedback has been like. >> well, obviously, i'm on posts, i'm wearing my transgender colors. >> jimmy: yes, you are. >> from my caftan today. it is, i am, i am black first. and growing up gay in the black community, you know, it's a very homophobic community. >> billy: mm-hm. >> across the board. with that said, as the world has changed and as the world has shifted, the black community is changing and shifting, and a friend of mine called me after i posted that, he said his straight cousin, you know, with two kids had called him, so upset, you know, because he said billy doesn't know how much we love him.
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he doesn't know how much black straight men actually love him. and somebody needs to tell him. you know, the language in this moment has to be more specific, because even though i know who he's talking about, it sounds like he's just calling out all black people, and all black people are not homophobic, and i know that. and so i am, so i have done an addendum to that post to really specify who i'm talking to. i'm talking to homophobic, transphobic and xenophobic people because black trans women are dying at the highest rate that it is the highest violence on record since they've been doing that kind of thing. so, you know, i know it's hard to hear. but i have worked my whole life
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to be in a position where i can speak from authority, where i have a platform to speak. and i'm so happy, and i'm so glad and honored, honored, that you've given me the space to be able to do this, because one of the things that i say in my addendum is i don't adjudicate my life for my humanity on social media, i don't do that, full stop. so while i heard about the push back, i'm not online reading about that. >> billy: right. >> i'm not doing it like that. i'm 50 years old. i don't do it like that. i don't get into twitter fights with people. i don't. but i also hear, you know, i also receive when i'm tone-deaf or when, you know, i need to, to, you know, it's like my friend called and he said you just should know, and it was lovely, because, you know, his straight male black sis cousin was like, man, i love him.
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if my sons turned out gay i would love them no matter what. it's so good to hear that, because my experience in the'80s was a cousin saying if i ever turned gay he would kill me. so that's what my experience has been. so yeah, sometimes my trauma shows. you know. >> billy: look. we're all, everyone's learning, but i think. >> yeah. >> billy: it even made an impact on me, i'm obviously, like, you know, the whitest person alive, but it affected me, because i'm extremely white and extremely pale, but i am a very proud member of the lgbtq community, i care about everyone in our community. and all you're doing is speaking up for people who are in that overlap, who are taking it from all sides right now. as you said. >> we can do it together, but we can't do it until we embrace and love each other through our differences.
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because of our differences. love the humanity, and every single human being. we're human beings first. that's all i'm trying to say. >> i know. i hear you, and a lot of people are hearing you. and that's why i love you. i have to say, i remember, you know, i'm a theater kid at heart, and i remember seeing you perform at joe's pub in new york city doing your one-man show. >> oh, my goodness. >> billy: and i still listen to the album. everyone needs to listen to it. it's one of the greatest things i've ever heard. in all those years in between, i remember thinking, where's billy porter? and now you're here, and the whole world knows what i knew and i'm so happy. before we let you go, i want to mention that are you on the new season of "the twilight zone" on cbs all access. >> yes, i am. >> billy: what can you tell us about that? >> i can tell you it's a dream come true.
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i remember watching the show when i was a kid and television would go off the air for you young'uns. and it was one of the last things to come on before it went off air. so it's so great to be in the reboot by jordan peele which means there are people of color in it. it reflects what the world looks like today. and i got to be mysterious and spooky, which is not something i'm called upon to be very often. it was very fun. >> billy: well, we're in a world now where people like you, people like me, we're sitting here, getting to do things that we weren't allowed to do years ago. >> absolutely. >> billy: and i think you and what you've done on pose is a big part of the reason why. so thank you. keep doing it. congrats on the emmy last year. you made history, and i hope you get another nomination this year. thank you for joining us, billy porter, you're the best.
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when we come back, music from kim petras. ♪ at subaru, we're taking on distracted driving... ...with sensors that alert you when your eyes are off the road. the subaru forester. the safest forester ever. hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos? here i'll... go first. pizza, barbeque and ja-lapeño. the spicy barbecue pizza stack. get him! grandpa what's going on? we're trapped in a pringles commercial, they must have taken us in our sleep. stack pringles flavors make new ones. did you know liberty mutual customizes your car insurance ta-da! so you only pay for what you need?
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it gives us an oppoit's easy. it's only 10 questions. so do you part. go to and complete the census today. what are you waiting for? >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. >> billy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm your substitute, billy eichner. i'm very excited for this performance. i'm going to see her on tour as soon as everyone is vaccinated, but for now, making her late night television debut with her song "malibu," kim petras!
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♪ tell me how do i get over you when your eyes are so pacific view yeah ♪ ♪ falling deep into curaçao blue and all your kisses taste like ♪ ♪ and all your kisses taste like malibu and all your kisses ♪ ♪ taste like malibu tell me how ♪ when your eyes are so pacific view yeah falling deep ♪ ♪ into curaçao blue and all your kisses taste like and all your kisses ♪
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♪ taste like malibu and all your kisses taste like ♪ ♪ malibu i'm melting i'm melting ♪ ♪ i'm melting i'm melting into you ooh baby you left me tingling ♪ ♪ my nails so peach and the sea salt sinking in ooh baby ♪ ♪ i don't need anything it's all been beachy since you came crashing in and all your kisses ♪
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♪ taste like malibu and all your kisses taste like malibu ♪ ♪ woo c'mon yeah baby i'm melting i'm melting i'm melting i'm melting into you ♪ ♪ malibu i'm melting i'm melting yeah i'm melting i'm melting ♪ ♪ into you all your kisses kisses taste like ♪ ♪ and all your kisses taste like tell me how do i get over you ♪ ♪ when your kisses taste like malibu our seasons ♪
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♪ family, well bless your heart ♪ ♪ family, all in this together ♪ ♪ family, we're taking a chance ♪ ♪ family, like birds of a feather ♪ ♪ family, kick off your shoes and dance ♪ ♪ family, like birds of a feather ♪ ♪ family, kick off your shoes and dance ♪ join tscore savings andet pdeals in store and online.e. plus, help target support your community. enjoy exclusives just for you, at no cost to you. join target circle for free today. week one, here we go. did everybody read the book? [miscellaneous responses of no] [orange] i read it captain. i read it. it was amazing. it opened my eyes. nah, i'm just joking. i don't have eyes. [captain] great book club guys. [orange] you know i can't read captain. so he'd do these pranks where he would like.. i'd be it the middle of listening to some really cool song,
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and then he just like switch it to like a broadway song, so then i'd text him right away saying "lucas!" [chuckle] yea, we love pranking each other like that. use yogurt or milk to soothe your skin or you could use schick hydro silk with hypoallergenic serum for the smooth shave we all deserve. schick hydro silk for spending a perfectly reasonable amount of time on the couch with tacos from grubhub? grubhub's gonna reward you for that with a $5 off perk. (doorbell rings) - [crowd] grubhub! (fireworks exploding) less oral steroids. taking my treatment at home. nucala is a once-monthly add-on injection for severe eosinophilic asthma. not for sudden breathing problems. allergic reactions can occur. get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. infections that can cause shingles have occurred. don't stop steroids unless told by your doctor. tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.
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>> billy: that's all the time we have. i'd like to thank billy porter, kim petras and my landlord, jimmy kimmel. "nightline" is next. now feel free to resume silently resenting your partner. thanks for having me, everyone, goodnight. ♪
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this is "nightline." tonight, america in catastrophe. covid-19 killing more than 149,000 people. now piecing to the what went wrong. >> we felt that this had potential to and very serious situation. >> inside from government insiders, why experts say a gap in leadership left millions exposed to danger.ea of those missteps. plus, from outbreak to reopening. >> there's no game plan. there was nothing. >> "nightline" starts right now.


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