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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 20, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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time. right now on jimmy kimmel, john oliver. good [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ba da ba ba da ba ba da ba ba
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da ba ♪ ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ back at home! >> jimmy: hello there and welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. welcome to my house. and i'll tell you something, i don't know about america yet, but i feel great again. i really do. oh! >> have a great show, jimmy, and don't forget your breakfast! >> jimmy: thank you, cartoon birds. mm, that really hit the spot. we have a new president of the united states. it was inauguration day here in the usa. joseph rapunzel biden is our 46th president. it feels like -- i have to imagine this is what it feels like when the oncologist calls and tells you the tumor is benign. you know, i remember going back to the day trump was inaugurated, such a terrible day, and wondering, can our country even survive four years of this? and now we know the answer, not really. just barely. but we made it.
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mar-a-lardo left town bright and early this morning. he exited the white house via one of his favorite modes of transportation, with the help of an old acquaintance. >> donald! hey, look at you, you big lug, get in there, come on, game's over. very fine seats on both sides. driver? get us the [ bleep ] out of here. ♪ it's fun to stay at the ymca ♪ >> jimmy: and he lived grabbily ever after. billy bush always gets the last laugh. what a day. there was no violence. no "unrest." in fact, as far as protests go. this was about it. one guy showed up at the new york state capitol. he said he drove 45 minutes to stage a protest, and was disappointed that no one else showed up. well, at least he's social distancing. today this country showed the world that there is no my pillow large enough to smother our democracy.
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it was a beautiful inauguration ceremony. we got to hear a poem that wasn't boring from a brilliant 22-year-old here in los angeles named amanda gorman. our new vice president, kamala harris, made history. as did her second lady, doug. garth brooks sang "amazing grace" and then ran around and kissed everybody, covid be damned. and this was pretty great. two weeks ago a bunch of dangerous imbeciles with donald trump flags tried to overthrow our government. today on that very same spot, we had the national anthem sung by lady gaga. to paraphrase michelle obama, when they go low, we go j.lo. and we did. it was a very well-done inauguration, highlighted by a strong and assuring debut for our new commander-in-chief. joe biden gave a great speech. he spoke convincingly about unity and healing. he said it's time to "end this uncivil war." it was the kind of speech that made you want to call your grandpa and tell him you love him.
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it really was special. watching the obamas, the clintons, the bushes, and the bidens all walk through that door, to welcome a new president to the white house. it was like when all the avengers came back to beat thanos. that's the extent of my historical references. almost everyone at the inauguration wore purple. to show red and blue unity, also a shout-out to prince. unfortunately, they forgot to tell bernie sanders about the purple plan. he was one of the first people there. he showed up holding a manila envelope. as if he had an appointment at the dmv. there was a lot of discussion about what bernie was wearing. which, as you can see, was his most festive mittens and a mask he found on the floor of his wife's subaru. sadly, senator sanders had to duck out early when his neighbor larry called to say he found his hat. mike pence left early too. the now-former commander of the space force departed immediately after biden was sworn in.
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>> so help you god? >> so help me god. >> congratulations, mr. president. ♪ >> jimmy: back to mother on the mothership. and while joe biden was being sworn in, in florida, at mar-a-lago, an omelet bar attendant was being sworn at. our crazy ex-potus threw himself a going away party at joint base andrews this morning. the president was said to be visibly dejected because not many people showed up for the party. but those who did got to see him give thanks. >> this has been an incredible four years. we've accomplished so much together. i want to thank all of my family and my friends and my staff and so many other people for being here. i want to thank you for your effort, your hard work. people have no idea how hard this family worked.
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they worked and they worked for you. they could have had a much easier life. >> jimmy: yeah. you really screwed them all, didn't you? the whole trump family was there to help presidaddy go. eric and djtj cried as their father left on air force one. i tell you what. it's heartbreaking to see children separated from their parents, isn't it? but before he did, this is how trump closed things out. >> i hope they don't raise your taxes. but if they do, i told you so. so just a good-bye, we love you, we will be back in some form. so have a good life. we will see you soon. >> jimmy: "have a good life." that's what you say to your girlfriend when she breaks up with you. "have a good life!" and "we will be back in some form." that's ominous. what form? a demogorgon? a horcrux? maybe he'll come back as the stay puft marshmallow man?
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i don't know. i just hope someone remembered to wake ben carson up to let him know he needs to clear out his office. possible he's still up in there. as for donald trump, who knows what's next? i'll tell you this. he is going to go nuts, sitting in that country club. i've been to mar-a-lago, years ago, before he was president, i had dinner there once. it's a bunch of very old people, quietly eating meatloaf. it's like a gaudy rest home. nothing goes on. nothing happens. he won't make it a week in there. he'll be calling into hannity by friday night. guaranteed. you know, "the wall street journal" reported yesterday, trump may want to start his own political party to punish the republicans who defied him. i love that. what kind of party are you going to put together? even when he was president, he was barely able to book three doors down to play his party. trump spent his final hours in the white house plotting revenge against liz cheney and republicans who voted to impeach
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and deciding who to pardon. basically, he spent his last day in office making a list of his criminal friends and checking it twice, like evil santa. trump issued 144 pardons late last night. he pardoned two rappers. lil wayne and kodak black. his two favorites. he pardoned former henchmonster, steve bannon, who was charged with fraud, for allegedly scamming trump supporters who donated to a crowdfund campaign, 100% of the proceeds from this campaign were supposed to pay for the wall that mexico was supposed to pay for. authorities say that wall money somehow wound up in steve bannon's pockets. but now, he is free to fraud again. the list of trump cronies and republican donors on this list is long. but "the tiger king" joe exotic did not get a pardon as he had hoped. and trump also didn't pardon himself. or did he? some legal experts pointed out trump could have secretly
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pardoned himself and is planning to keep it on the dl till he needs it later. it's insane that's how it works. you can pardon yourself, and then if you get arrested, you can pull out some paper and say "surprise!"? that constitution they wrote might need some tightening up. trump did do one decent thing, he left a note for joe biden. he left biden a note, and he also left eric to reset the pins at the white house bowling alley. melania, on the other hand, this is a nice little bit of gossip. traditionally, when her time in the white house is up, the first lady leaves personal thank you notes for the staff, the maids and cooks, and all the people who take care of them, they get a note. well, melania, instead of writing or even dictating the notes herself, had a staffmember write them "in her voice" and then they typed them up and she signed her name on them. see? there was a fake melania after all! how do you write in melania's voice? "you deed good washing" "thank you, to you." you know, the white house staff only has five hours to get the
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place ready for a new first family. the old family leaves, the new family comes in, which is a challenge for the cleaning crew. i mean, the ring trump left in the bathtub alone, could only be removed in the fires of mount doom. of course, it was easier to prepare the living quarters for the bidens, because they sleep in the same bedroom. the bar for joe biden is low. and it's gonna be an adjustment to have a president who is presidential. it's hard to imagine biden ever saying the kinds of things trump said, but the good news is, we don't have to imagine because we put trump's words into biden's mouth, and this is what came out. >> we are going to build a great wall along the southern border and mexico will pay for the wall! believe me! we won with the highly educate, we won with the poorly educated, i love the poorly educated! i have done more for the
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african-american community than any president other than abraham lincoln. isis is honoring president obama. he's the founder of isis. he's the founder. he founded isis. and i would say the cofounder would be crooked hillary clinton. >> jimmy: what? well. he's not so sleepy anymore, i guess. you know, this is my last show of the trump administration. it feels like the end. a welcome end to a chapter of my life. you probably feel that way too. but you know what they say, don't cry because it's over, cry because it happened. and there are better times ahead. i have to believe that. a new president, a new vice president. no more jared and ivanka. djtj. rudy giuliani is hanging upside down in his cave. for god's sake, today mitch mcconnell fist-bumped barack obama!
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there is a feeling in the air of celebration and joy. and so we say goodbye to donald trump. not with venom, not with scorn, but with optimism, jubilance and celebration. ♪ ♪ ♪ na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey
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hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na hey hey hey good-bye ♪ >> the truth is, we won the election by a landslide. we won it big. today i'm going to give you the facts that every american needs to know. ♪ yo big get out the way bitch get out the way boom ♪ >> jimmy: good bless america. we got a great show for you tonight. one of my favorite writers charles p. pierce from "esquire" is with us. we have music from ashley mcbryde.
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and we'll be right back with john oliver. so stick around. sarah, did you know geico could save you hundreds on car insurance and a whole lot more? hmm. so what are you waiting for? captain ahab to help you find a parking spot? thar she blows! whoops! loading zone. darn it. pull hard to starboard! too small! seriously? because it...ugh. oh! follow him! steady... steady... oh! thunderation! to the northern lot where there be parking spaces as big as whales! geico. see all the ways you could save. thanks for the big mac. yeah, thanks for driving! ♪ ♪ wait, what are we listening to? get it at mcdonald's when you get two of your faves for just six bucks. never run dry of...
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, from "esquire," he is a great thinker and writer, and american. charles p. pierce is with us. then later, her grammy-nominated album is called "never will." music from ashley mcbryde. tomorrow night, allison janney and dana bash from cnn will join us. with music from best coast. our first guest is an exceptionally bright and funny frunny man --dy say frunny?
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fun and funny. from a land called "eng." he has become one of america's most beloved beacons of truth. "last week with john oliver" returns to hbo on valentine's day. please welcome john oliver. hi, john, how are you? >> i'm fine, thanks very much for having me. >> jimmy: it's good to have you. we are dressed the same. >> yeah, i can see. it's kind of what happens with two men who don't have the confidence or imagination to express themselves sartorially. >> jimmy: exactly right. in fact, my wife has been looking at my outfits and she goes, "just wear a sweater." >> don't dream of a life that you can't possibly get. >> jimmy: it's hard. it's hard doing the show without a team of attendants. i see you seem to be in front of, like, a backdrop they would take baby pictures in front of at sears. >> yeah, it's halfway between the sears photo and a burn board, yeah. it's a sterile, a sterile background that really expresses nothing.
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feels like home. >> jimmy: it shouts "it's a boy!" that's really what i see. you're at home. is that right? are you at your house? >> yeah, i -- well, i am kind of at my house. i used to do it from my house. and i have a 5-year-old and 2-year-old. so that became challenging because they don't respect the boundaries of television producti production, they don't understand why daddy needs space. >> jimmy: i have a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. they understand it perfectly. they really do. >> right, you've yelled it loud enough into their faces, apparently that's the trick? >> jimmy: you know what i do? i sit them down and i explain it's a union violation for them to be in here, and they could be fined if they don't get out. and they understand that. >> i always dread kids in the future as they think, well, what was that room that you were in yelling about something i didn't understand? oh, i was doing a comedy show.
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i've gone back and looked at the clips and i'm not sure you were. i think you think you were, i didn't know when to laugh, isn't that a problem? >> jimmy: can i tell you something? i have memories of my parents in a room yelling and they were not doing a comedy show, so i think they're probably going to be okay. how are you feeling today? do you feel optimistic, feeling positive? what's going through your brain right now? >> yeah, it was a huge relief. it was nice to get to enjoy an inauguration without a pit of dread in your stomach. it was nice to get to enjoy the weird bits. you got the luxury of enjoying jay low segueing into let's get loud, or garth brooks' formal jeans. you got to enjoy that without feeling threatened by the incoming president. that alone was really nice. it's a low bar. it was a low bar for an inauguration and it's a crazy low bar for the incoming president. i'm not sure the bar -- he doesn't even need to be
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competent. anything north of malicious incompetence feels like we're playing with the house's money at that point. >> jimmy: it's funny you say that. i was watching cnn today. and every time joe biden speaks they say, it's a much different tone. it's like, yeah, it's a much different tone. >> no [ bleep ]. it's a lot different. >> jimmy: you switched from wrestling to pbs, it's a much different tone. >> it does feel that it's going to be important that we allow ourselves just to have a day, just one day of feeling the relief before worrying about, yeah, there are monumental issues that we're facing, there are systemic problems that have gone unaddressed too long, real questions about whether the scale of biden's solutions are going to match the scale of the problems he's inheriting. but i do think that has to wait for at least just tomorrow. just give us a day. otherwise it feels like you're at the end of a marathon that you haven't even entered, you've just been entered by your
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dumbest friend, someone says, congratulations did you know over a million dogs are euthanized in shelters every year? yeah. yeah, can i just enjoy the fact that's done? before we touch on that undeniable issue? >> jimmy: you are an american now. when did you get your citizenship? when did that happen? >> it was at the end of 2019. december 13th, 2019. >> jimmy: and so you became a citizen while donald trump was president. >> yeah. >> jimmy: when the rest of us were thinking of renouncing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you signed up, yeah. >> i did, i did. >> jimmy: i'm surprised he allowed that to happen. >> yes. >> jimmy: i would think you would be on the no-enter list. >> the truth is i kind of did do it on the quiet. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. >> because i did think it was -- it didn't feel completely misplaced paranoia to think, if this gets onto someone's desk who could stop it, they might. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> but it's never about the
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president, right? becoming an american citizen is never about the president who is in office, it's about the idea of the country that is trying to form itself better. that's kind of what you -- that was definitely the case, as i was sworn in with all these people, all different countries, and they play trump's video, his welcome message, which, you know. you could feel the energy dip in the room. but it was -- the excitement of what we were doing there transcended the fact that there was a guy on the video not really welcoming us very much. actually, they gave you two pieces of paper. they give you your certificate, and on top of that is a letter from the president. and the woman in front of me, she got up to leave at the end. and her daughter said, i've got these pieces of paper. bri she said, bring the certificate and you can leave that [ bleep ]
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behind. i thought, that's about right. >> jimmy: that's america for you. did you do well on the test? do you get a score, do you get a grade? how does that work? >> oh, yeah, you have to take a test. you have to get -- it's basic civics questions. you have to get like 6 of 10 right. as soon as you get 6, you're good. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, i got six in a row, i was so terrified. >> jimmy: did they do it individually? or as a group? >> no, you do it individually. it's incredibly intimidating. you go into a room, the person doesn't look at you, she's typing on the screen. asking you these questions. so i was prepared. i'd studied all of this. then the first question she asked was, what's your social security number? and i hadn't prepared that. so i blanked. i forgot. i said, okay, what's your phone number? i'm just checking that. i forgot that as well. i felt my lawyer's hand on my shoulder saying, don't worry, you're not blowing this. but it felt like i was. >> jimmy: yeah, i hope that
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woman was really giving a citizenship test, not an identity thief. because it's probably good you forgot your social security number. >> you're probably right. what's your mother's maiden name? okay, go out for 15 minutes, i'm doing a credit card in your name. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with john oliver. ♪ ♪ smooth driving pays off. ♪ with allstate, the safer you drive the more you save. ♪ you never been in better hands. allstate. click or call for a quote today. pick up like a pro. you never been just order on the subway app and it's ready to go with contactless curbside. turkey sub in a hot tub! now get 15% off any footlong
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. still to come, charles p. pierce and ashley mcbryde. john oliver is with us. he is at a home near his home in
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new york city. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you missed so much. you went off in november. were you like eager to get back to work? or are you not that ambitious? >> not really, not really. it was like -- it was like eager to fiddle while rome burned? no, it was all right, actually. >> jimmy: okay. that's good. but you do come back on valentine's day which your wife must be thrilled at. >> oh, yeah, the most romantic of all days. i'm not sure, i think what i've told her -- i think she doesn't know that yet, to be honest. i think i told letter mid-february, without saying exactly mid-february. >> jimmy: exactly on valentine's day. are you a romantic type? are you expected to arrange a dinner or flowers or any of that sort of thing? >> i'm expected to. i don't do much. i won't meet the grade for any functional human being. but i'm a british person.
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>> jimmy: yes. >> too repressed to be able to express myself romantically. the most romantic thing for me -- isn't that that movie, "shadowlands," where they fall in love and never express it? that seems the best form of romance to me. fall in love with someone, don't tell them, and die. >> jimmy: do your friends and family members in england call you and go, what's going on over there? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are people enjoying this? >> well -- i don't think anyone on earth has enjoyed this. so i don't think so much that. i think it's more the, is everything okay? anything we should know that we're not seeing over there? i think it's hard to answer a question like that, other than -- when the sure answer is no, no, things are not going well over here. and the long answer is, no, and also in britain, how do you think it's going over there? maybe sort out the [ bleep ] pile you're standing on before
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criticizing someone else's. >> jimmy: i hear things are not going too well, and with covid nothing's going well anywhere, except new zealand, it seems. but are things as complicated over there? do you think we're experiencing some kind of crossroads in the world right now? >> in terms of covid? or in terms of all human issues? that's a massive question. >> jimmy: in terms of people just not agreeing with each other, to the point where we can't really move forward. >> yeah, that's a -- i don't know. i think, you know, britain is -- i'm not sure it's quite as divided as the u.s. even -- yeah, even allowing for the terrible government that britain has inflicted upon itself, i'm not sure they're sitting on quite the tinder box that the u.s. is sitting on right now. >> jimmy: you mean to tell me they don't have people breaking in the windows and defecating in parliament? >> i will say, it was a terrible
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day. january the 6th was an absolutely terrible day. it's a permanent stain on american history. it is important to remember that it started with rudy giuliani walking onto a stage to "macho man." it wasn't 100% unfunny. no, things -- shades of gray, right? mostly bad. that was funny. >> jimmy: i think you found some silver lining. i think that is going to be one of the many, many positives that we're going to see going forward is that presidents and politicians will be able to clear songs from artists other than lee greenwood and the village people. >> yeah, yeah. was january the 6th a funny day? no. did something funny happen on that day? yes. that's just a fact. >> jimmy: i always -- because i hate to think that the village people are on board with what's going on, what was going on the last four years. i like to think that they clear that song as a joke. >> yeah.
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>> jimmy: they sit there and go, you have no idea what you're walking out there right now! >> i think there has been some spectacular nonsong clearance. even like trump's farewell speech that no one asked for this morning. i think one of his play-on songs was "fortunate son." he's never fully understood the irony of that. the air force one to leave to sinatra's "my way," the universal anthem of [ bleep ] everywhere. >> jimmy: well. on behalf of paul anka, i'm going to have to disagree with you there. thanks for being with us, john. your show's great. i appreciate you joining us tonight. >> pleasure. >> jimmy: good luck on valentine's day. >> yeah. >> jimmy: john oliver returns, don't tell his wife, it returns february 14th on hbo, john oliver. we'll be right back with charles p. pierce! this is ava.
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. music from ashley mcbryde is on the way. our next guest is a brilliant writer, and he is funny too. he really knows his stuff. you can read him as i do multiple times a day on please welcome charles p. pierce. >> hello, i like the fact that
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you have your own name plate. >> jimmy: if you're interested, i've had this since i was 11 years old. it was sitting on my buy hhood desk. >> it's like i'm talking to the guy from hr. >> jimmy: i am the guy from hr, keep your hands to yourself. how are you feeling today? >> well, jimmy, have you ever seen "bridge on the river kwai"" where they put the guy in the box for a week, they open it and he can't walk? that's how i feel, like i haven't walked in years. >> jimmy: you have a beautiful way with words. i want to read from your column today. "what the president did in his inaugural address right off the top was unsheath the shiv from the velvet scab celebration." unsheathed the shiv. you believe the shiv is ted cruz? >> i wouldn't eliminate everyone else who tried to overthrow the
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government. ted cruz was there, and any time ted cruz is there to be a snark target, i'm not passing it up. >> jimmy: this is going to sound like a joke question but it isn't. do you think ted cruz is too ugly to be president? >> i don't know. i went back through the pictures of the past presidents. we've elected some mullions. arthur was a an ugly guy, he's not going to be on "the bachelor" any time soon. >> jimmy: in those days you'd have to look at a drawing or engraving of him. >> i saw there's an actual photograph of john quicy adam. >> really? >> yeah, grumpy-looking guy. neither he nor his father showed up the inauguration of hare successors. >> jimmy: that's right, we learned that this week. one of the many interesting things we learned. >> four presidents have refused to show up for their successors. two of them were adams, which
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should give you an indication how they felt about the rest of the world. >> jimmy: well, maybe future president donald trump jr. will not show up at his successor's inauguration. >> well, i intend not to be alive for his inauguration. i'm making contingency plans right now for that. >> jimmy: you seem to know a lot about history, especially when it comes to presidents and politics and that sort of thing. do you worry that what we just saw the last four years with donald trump, that there's a worse version of donald trump coming? >> i've been writing that on the blog off and on ever since he won the primaries. in 2016. i've been writing that what i'm afraid of is the next guy isn't going to be an incompetent psychopath. either he's going to be a really competent psychopath, or he's just going to be competent. because i don't think -- i mean,
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today it's a good day not to think about this. he came awfully close to getting re-elected. >> jimmy: yeah, he did. >> there's a hunger in some people for the kind of -- whatever you call it, instead of leadership, we had for the last four years. and that land mine's going to get defused. so yes, i am concerned that somewhere out there -- tom cotton -- will come along and be better at being an authoritarian than he was. >> jimmy: yeah, tom cotton is one to keep an eye on for sure. i notice you have the elizabeth warren poster up. i remember the last time you were on the show, which i think was two years ago, right around now. we were talking about joe biden. and you didn't think he was the guy. you did not think he would be the guy. >> y■eah,i called that a little early, didn't i? yeah. you know, i watched as jim clyburn in south carolina turned
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his entire future around, which is still one of the most amazing things i've ever seen. he was completely out of it. and then a day before south carolina, he took the lead. and he never looked back. and i think what i misjudged, and i said this to a couple of people, what i really misjudged during the campaign was the hunger in the country for a president you could ignore three days a week. >> jimmy: right. >> people were so desperate to get back to normal. and i think they looked at joe biden and said, we know the guy, we like the guy, things will get back to normal if we vote for him. and i think -- i mean, i think that had a lot to do with his recovery. >> jimmy: you mentioned clyburn. i heard a story today that george bush, who i know you have no fondness for even though many now look at him somewhat fondly after what we just experienced -- actually spoke, actually talked to him, thanked him for helping joe biden win the election. >> yeah, i saw that. because he thinks biden was the
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only one who could have beaten trump. i'm beginning to think that too. i didn't think that until the returns came in on election night and i saw how close it actually was. but yeah, that was -- that was a -- jim clyburn has worked in the vineyards for so long, it's a nice thing that he's getting a lot of run, you know, about electing a president, which is essentially what he did. >> jimmy: last night donald trump pardoned 144 people. last night you tweeted, it appears that every crooked politician back to 1789 got a pardon, i believe he may have pardoned aaron burr. >> it's unbelievable. kilpatrick, mayor of detroit, apparently he got on the radar from diamond and silk. >> jimmy: is that right? is that true? >> in the official -- the department of justice put out a list of the pardons and how they got the pardons. you have to be recommended. one of the people -- one of the recommendations for kwame
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kilpatrick was diamond and silk, upon whom i hope we have heard the absolute last. >> jimmy: trying to figure out kwame kilpatrick got on the list. and it does seem that trump is trying to somehow ingratiate himself to the black community by pardoning rappers and -- i mean, the idea that he even knows who kodak black -- did you know kodak black? >> no, that's one that got past me. i am relentlessly not in that regard. remember duke cunningham? >> jimmy: yes. >> congressman from california. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he was a scandal i had completely forgotten about, and he got a pardon. so yeah. i think he probably pardoned aaron burr and jeff davis, maybe harry dougherty, the teapot dome guy, i have no idea. >> jimmy: o.j. has to be so bummed. >> how about joe exotic? >> jimmy: joe exotic, yeah. >> rented a limo to take him away from prison, had to pay for
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the limo, and didn't get out. i hate that when that happens. >> jimmy: i don't know about paying for the limo. i couldn't help but notice that the logo for the limo company was prominently displayed in the videotape they released. that may have been a tradeout. off the hook on that one. >> joe had to go back to his cell, you know, do his caged tiger imitation again. >> jimmy: yeah, i love reading your stuff. i look at every one of your tweets. i feel like i learn a lot. and there's always funny stuff. i love that you've been putting an asterisk next to the word "president" for the last four years. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're going to have to stop that now. >> i've got to apologize in advance to biden, because i will do it just out of muscle memory at least once until he gets settled into the office. as i said before, i think the last time i was on, that was my wife's idea. because i didn't come up with a condemn wus way to refer to the guy for four years. and she said, just put an
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asterisk next to it. >> jimmy: it was a great idea and it amused me every time i read it. i would suggest you probably don't use the asterisk a whole lot, and maybe just pull that key off your typewriter for a while. >> that's a possibility. although i am going to get to use it for former president and expresident, and perhaps defendant president. you know. donald trump is moving right into a job as a career defendant. >> jimmy: let's keep our fingers crossed that that will be true. thank you so much for joining us tonight. >> thank you, jimmy, happy new year. >> jimmy: happy new year to you, charles p. pierce,, follow him on twitter too. we'll be right back with ashley mcbryde! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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♪ ♪
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: hello again. welcome back to my bunker. her grammy nominated album is called "never will." playing the title track,
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ashley mcbryde! ♪ ♪ ♪ i heard go on and go but just know where you're going is a dead end ♪ ♪ playing in bars only makes you the star of a house band and sometimes the ♪ ♪ hardest part was just to keep playing i'd been gone long ago if i'd listened to ♪ ♪ what they were saying what they were saying but i didn't, i don't i never will ♪ ♪ no, they just started a fire they can't control
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and i wouldn't trade one ♪ ♪ moment for the way it feels knowing i didn't, i don't and i never will ♪ ♪ they said seeing your name up in lights you know it's gonna change ya ♪ ♪ you'll look in a mirror some night and you'll see a stranger but you gotta ♪ ♪ play the game if you ever want to play to the big crowds you've gone as far as ♪ ♪ you'll ever go unless you're willing to sell out girl sell out well i didn't, i don't ♪ ♪ i never will no, they just started a fire they can't control and i wouldn't take ♪
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♪ one moment for the way it feels knowing i didn't, i don't and i never will ♪ ♪ oh, i never will ♪ ♪ ♪ money and fame it will go to your head if you get it ♪ ♪ they never did understand all the reasons we did it i can point out the names ♪ ♪ and the faces of the people who said it oh but honestly i
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just don't want 'em ♪ ♪ to get any credit but i didn't, no i never will i never will ♪ ♪ oh, they just started a fire they can't control oh no, no and you know i wouldn't ♪ ♪ trade one moment for the way it feels the way it feels i didn't, i don't ♪ ♪ and i never will i never will ♪ ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: that is all the time we have. thanks to john oliver, thanks to charles p. pierce, thanks to ashley mcbryde.
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apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. thank you for watching, and god bless america. tonight, the changing of the guard. >> democracy has prevailed. >> joe biden, the 46th president of the united states. and vice president kamala harris. >> so help me, god. >> sworn into history before a field of flags. ♪ gave proof through the night ♪ >> and a sea of diverse faces. >> for there is always light if only we're brave enough to see it, if only we're brave enough to be it. >> how our nation's second in command is inspiring the next generation. and in a rare appearance, the message of unity from three former presidents. >> you've got all of us here rooting


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