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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 9, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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gordon. have a good -- right now on jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jamie dornan. jessica williams. and music from dustin lynch featuring mckenzie porter. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. very nice. welcome. thank you, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for staying up late to watch us. thanks to all of you for traveling far and wide to join us here in disgusting hollywood, california. [ laughter ] home of the dirtiest spider-men in the world! [ laughter ] there is litter and fit here as far as the eye can see.
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it's the kind of place that makes you want to sit on a rocket and fly away, and pretty soon, you will be able to do that. because flying motorcycles are coming. there is a company here in california that is hoping to have flying motorcycles available by 2023. you can buy them, you can ride them. this is called "the speeder." it's daily a jet key you lay on. dj khaled already pre-ordered six of them. [ laughter ] the top model goes 150 miles per hour, capable of going up to 15,000 feet for over an hour. [ cheers ] which means from los angeles you'll be able to quickly crash into anything on this map. [ laughter ] you can preorder one for like $385,000. that seems like a pretty reasonable amount to pay to die, doesn't it? [ laughter ] would you go on one of those, guillermo? >> guillermo: no way. >> jimmy: no way, right? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: me neither. there are major scientific breakthroughs happening all around us. heinz today revealed what they are billing as their first-ever "mars edition" ketchup.
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this is the ketchup. it is ketchup made from tomatoes produced under the same conditions they have on mars. i don't know why either. [ laughter ] i hope they didn't grow them the same way matt damon grew his poop-tatoes. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] heinz put together a team of 14 astrobiologists to work on this for nine months. the whole time they were like, "why the hell are we doing this? we're astrobiologists." but this is big because if we can grow tomatoes in space, that means we could potentially hve pizza in space. [ cheers ] which would be great. delivered by guys on flying motorcycles. [ applause ] back here on earth joe biden's approval rating is low. the president's approval rating is even lower than his testicles. [ laughter ] according to the latest poll from "usa today," biden's approval rating clocked in at 38%. but that was before congress passed the infrastructure bill. and if anything can get the american people fired up, it's infrastructure.
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[ laughter ] and biden isn't alone. americans really aren't happy with his vice president, kamala harris. kamala harris has an approval rating of 28%, which is -- makes no sense, because she basically has nothing to do. [ laughter ] it's like criticizing a backup quarterback. "tom brady is okay, but i don't love the way blaine gabbert has his legs folded on the bench." [ laughter ] kamala's approval rating of 28% is even lower than the 30% who approved of dick cheney in 2008 after he shot a guy in the face. louisiana louisiana i think these people are forgetting at least 10% of those polled approved of dick cheney because he shot a guy in the face. [ laughter ] i think i know why kamala's ratings are low, besides sexism and racism, which are the obvious ones. it's because whenever she's next to joe with that mask on, she looks like an as sin. she looks like nebula standing next to thanos. right? [ laughter and applause ] "hey, kamala! this guy's being a wise guy.
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show 'em what we do with wise guys." [ laughter ] it is surprising that biden's numbers are so low. the jobs report was great, the economy is strong, covid is on the decline. all i can figure is it must be all the spooky whispering he does. [ laughter ] >> i wrote the bill on the environment! i got them $1.9 trillion relief! united states. fox news. get vaccinated. >> i see dead people. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: stop that. nobody likes it. don't do it anymore. save the sexy talk for bedtime with dr. jill. [ laughter ] we're also not even a year into his presidency. joe biden, don't worry, he's like grandpa at the wheel. he'll get us there, it'll just happen very slowly with the blinker on the whole ride. [ laughter ] there's only one president in the history of polling whose approval rating was worse than biden's at this point. you want to guess who?
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i'll give you a hint. his name rhymes with garbage dump. [ laughter ] that's right. [ applause ] donald trump. our dear mis-leader suffered a little setback yesterday, or last night, rather. he's been trying to stop congress from getting their hands on the visitor logs and call logs and documents related to the events of january 6th. late last night, trump asked a federal judge to prevent the records from being released, but the judge denied that late night request, and trump was like," just like melania." [ laughter and applause ] this could be bad for trump. if these documents are made public, we may finally know whether trump and his associates were as involved in the events of january 6th as we already know they were. [ laughter ] the congressional committee investigating the capitol riot issued subpoenas today for ten of donald corleone's associates. [ laughter ] that's on top of the six
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subpoenas they issued monday. congress wants them to provide testimony and documents to shed light on the "war room" that was assembled at the willard hotel in d.c. where trump's minions brainstormed ways to overturn the election. if they do ever end up arresting trump, they should let hillary cuff him. they want she? just for fun? [ cheers and applause ] it is interesting to see how these trump supporters are now trying to spin the insurrection. which at first they seemed to agree that it was bad. the new thing these right wing cable channels are doing is treating these criminals who literally tried to overthrow our government, who if they weren't white people with tattoos of pepe the frog on their necks, newsmax, fox, oae would be calling for the death penalty. instead, they're treating them like political prisoners. aconscientious objectors or something. instead of regular prisoners. greg kelly from newsmax took time to commiserate with one of these heroic martyrs, and this should tell you just about all you need to know. >> tell us where you are right now, you're on jail, where, how
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does it work, what's going on where you are right now? >> right now i'm in what i like to refer as d.c. gitmo, the d.c. correctional facility. i can only describe it as psychologically damaging, torturous, and inhumane here. solitary confinement for anywhere between 18 to 26 hours per day. [ laughter ] it used to be upwards of 23 to 30 hours per day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. this daylight saving time has everyone all screwed up. that's a lot of hours. [ applause ] the trials for those accused of storming the capitol are piling up. one of them just finished. the united states versus jenna ryan. jenna ryan, you may recall, is the woman who flew to d.c. in a private jet, and used her attendance at the insurrection to plug her real estate business. >> we're going to [ bleep ] go in here! we want her dead, it doesn't matter. here we go.
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jenna ryan, your realtor. > jimmy: yeah, yeah. should you be allowed to call it "real estate" if you don't know what's real and what isn't? so then, much to jenna's surprise, she got arrested, and despite the fact that she flies on private jets and uses her social media to brag about how wealthy she is, she set up a paypal asking for donations. "i am accepting donations to pay legal fees and losses due to my arrest and charges by the fbi for protesting at the u.s. capitol. thank you for your support. any amount helps." so then when paypal shut her down, she admitted it was a grift. she wrote, "i really don't need the donations. i was just giving people the opportunity to contribute, and be blessed by their giving. whoever donates to me is going to be blessed beyond measure." [ moans ] yes, i believe it was the apostle, matthew, who said, "blessed are those who pay legal fees for idiots, for they shall be screwed out of 20 bucks." [ laughter and applause ] not only did jenna ask for financial support, she went on the local news to beg her cult leader to help her too.
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>> i would like a pardon from the president of the united states. i think that we all deserve a pardon. i'm facing prison sentence. i think that i do not deserve that. >> jimmy: well, agree to disagree. [ laughter ] >> i thought i was following my president, i thought i was following what we were called to do. he asked us to fly there, he asked us to be there. i was doing what he asked us to do. >> jimmy: right. i sent money. i drank bleach. i did everything this man asked me, and this is the thanks i get? [ laughter ] she did not get a pardon from the president, but seemed unconcerned about the possibility of incarceration, even tweeting, "definitely not going to jail. sorry i have blonde hair, white skin, a great job, a great jail.e, and i'm not going to - sorry to rain on your hater parade. i did nothing wrong." [ moans ] that tweet, she posted on march 26th. and in january, jenna ryan is going to? that's right, jail! [ cheers and applause ] she's going to prison.
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that's right. [ cheers and applause ] to make it even -- to really rub it in, the prosecutor used that tweet against her, saying it showed that "she thought she was immune from punishment because of her race and physical appearance." well, i don't know where they got that. [ laughter ] so anyway, if you live in north texas, and looking to buy a house from jenna ryan, act quick. the open house is about to close. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] as of yesterday, a vaccine mandate for bars, restaurants, and indoor venues here in l.a. went into effect. we've come a long way in this fight against covid. and every now and then we open up the corona time capsule, look back at what was in the news one year ago. we've done it again in tonight's post-election edition of "this week in covid history." >> this week in covid history, november of 2020, covid is having a moment. >> 144,000 new cases, the single highest total since the pandemic
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began. >> news flash, president has gone missing. >> where is he? go get him, go get him! >> why haven't we heard from the president? >> trump nowhere to be found. >> we haven't seen him in a week. >> we have not heard his voice since last thursday. >> nobody is missing trump more than the american people. ♪ ♪ >> we haven't seen any violence or anger, it might have something to with the fact that smell of marijuana - >> why not celebrate with jazz cigarettes? this election is over. >> this election is not over. far from it. >> i've had a microphone in my face all day, when is trump going to concede? you know, they can all go to hell, as far as i'm concerned. i've had it with these people, let's fight back. >> the old lady is right, bring in the caucasian cavalry. the proud boys.
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who have muscle. as well as brains. >> honest to god, i'm kind of dumb. >> qanon about to question everything. >> we're talking about a virus that is no more deadly than the flu. >> spoiler alert, don't squeeze the charmin. something tells me we'll be seeing him again. >> i don't think we're going to have an interrupted transition to whoever is the next administration. i think we ought to quit all the hand-wringing. >> so many nervous nellys. what say you, secretary of state-ums? >> there will be a smooth transition. >> great. >> to a second trump administration. >> oh, well. every horror movie needs a sequel. this has been "this week in covid history." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. when we come back, i put my powers of observation to the test in the thrilling return of "foreigner or not." so stick around.
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we'll be right back.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. jamie dornan, jessica williams, and music from dustin lynch is on the way, but first, as of yesterday the united states lifted our ban on international tourists. so finally, hollywood boulevard will get back what it's been missing over the past year and a half, men in short shorts and open-toed shoes. [ laughter ] people come from all over the world to be disappointed by hollywood, and as i result of that, i have developed a sixth sense for sussing out who is american and who is not. and with that said, it's time to play "foreigner or not." [ cheers and applause ] it's a simple game. guillermo is out on hollywood boulevard.
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how's the vibe out there, guiller guillermo? >> guillermo: i think it's very good, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's very, very good, all right. you know how it works? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy, i'm ready. >> jimmy: go ahead and explain it to the viewers at home. >> guillermo: okay, so i'm going to call somebody -- >> jimmy: that's -- >> >> guillermo: you're going to guess if they're from here or they're foreign. >> jimmy: that's exactly right, that's right. i want to say we've instructed these people not to speak so we won't know if they have an accent. using nothing but my eyes and brain, i will try to guess if the pend isdestrian is a foreigr not. bring in our first guest, guillermo. all right, very good. i see the haircut, i'm thinking of '90s european pop star type of thing. yes. and also the jacket. now let's see if we can -- can we zoom in a little bit on the writing on her shirt? perhaps we can see if it is in english or not. oh, okay, yeah. now that looks kind of foreign. [ laughter ]
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let's see. all right. yeah, uh-huh. i am going to say -- that you are a foreigner. are you a foreigner? or not? >> guillermo: reveal. >> you are a foreigner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where are you from? >> france. >> jimmy: france. and what part of france are you from? >> south, toulouse. >> jimmy: very good. you're here on vacation? >> yes. >> jimmy: how long have you been here? >> two weeks. >> jimmy: oh, two weeks. how are you liking it so far? >> it's weird. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's weird. is it different than you expected it would be? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. are you staying here in hollywood? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes, okay. and you were expecting hollywood to be beautiful and glamorous? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] well, sorry about that. [ laughter ] guillermo has an all-american gift for you, an apple pie. do you like pie? all right, there you go. enjoy ar apple pie.
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[ cheers and applause ] made from american apples here in america. all right. 1 for 1. let's see who else is out on the boulevard. all right. all right, now we have a gentleman here, his hair is leading me -- i don't know, that could go either way. the nose piercing, though -- i don't know yet makes me think foreigner, we have those here in the united states. let get a look at his shoes if we can. oftentimes those are the window to the soul. [ laughter ] looks like stan smith adidas type of thing we got going there. again, that could be either -- oh, that's tough too. huh. no markings. [ laughter ] what are you thinking, guillermo? do you have any opinions on this? >> guillermo: no, jimmy, you're by ufryourself on this one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. i'm going to -- you know what i'm going to say you are an american citizen. you are not a foreigner. >> guillermo: all right, reveal.
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>> jimmy: let's see. oh! well, you've ruined it for everyone. [ laughter ] >> south africa. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> from south africa. >> jimmy: you're from south africa. you're here on vacation? >> yeah, just visit sdwlg we just had a young lady who was here from france. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and she said she's not impressed. >> i can -- i get where she's coming from. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you do. all right, well. this is not exactly a commercial for the california board of tourism. [ laughter ] >> there are great things about california and the area in general. >> jimmy: all right, well, we do have something special for you. we've got an american apple pie! [ cheers and applause ] all right. all right, all right. this is really just a parade of sad foreigners. [ laughter ] all right. oh, okay. our next pedestrian seems very american.
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i'm going to tell you right now. oh, well, she seems offended by that. [ laughter ] all right. all right, i'm going to say you are a foreigner, then, just based on the scorn you just heaped on us. [ laughter ] on our nation. yes? are you a -- i want to say foreigner. are you a foreigner or not? [ cheers and applause ] >> i am, in fact, american. yeah. >> jimmy: you're so american, in fact that you're ashamed of being american. [ laughter ] >> absolutely, right. >> jimmy: all right. where are you from? >> i'm originally from north carolina. but i live in new orleans now. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: all right. you're here on vacation too? >> i am. >> jimmy: have you also been disappointed? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ laughter ] >> it's dirtier than i expected. >> jimmy: oh, i can't tell you how many times i've heard that sentence. [ laughter ] >> i'm sure you have. >> jimmy: all right. well, give her a pie, guillermo. we'll try one more time. boy, i'm hoping to find somebody
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who likes it here. [ laughter ] let's see. one more. all right. look at how happy he seems. there's no way, there's just no way he's having a bad time. he's got kind of a german pete davidson look to him. [ laughter ] that did not make him laugh, i'm going to guess he doesn't know who pete davidson is. but i think -- i'm thinking like -- i don't know. he's austrian or german, maybe swedish, something -- yeah, maybe he works around oxen. [ laughter ] oh, wearing the same -- hold on, go down a second. it's the same stan smith but filthy adidas. [ laughter ] but the pants are a little rolled up. and that i think -- i'm going to say that this gentleman is not an american, that he is a foreigner. are you a foreigner or not? >> guillermo: reveal. >> jimmy: ah, there we go.
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wow, pretty good, huh? >> very good, you got really close. >> jimmy: yeah, not bad. what's your name? my name's andrew. >> jimmy: andrew? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're on vacation as well? >> i'm going to school here, just started a month ago. >> jimmy: what are you studying? >> comedic arts at emerson colle college. >> jimmy: comedic arts, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, boy. you know, we're really fleecing people. this is not right what we're doing. [ laughter ] so somebody's teaching you the arts of comedy? at emerson college? >> i'm basically learning how to be funny, yeah, paying the price. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how's it going? >> it's going okay. i made it out here. >> jimmy: why you accent-free? >> both my parents are from toronto. >> jimmy: oh, all right. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, very good. i wish you well with your career. >> thank you. >> jimmy: all right, guillermo, give the man a pie. hey, you know it's funny thing. here's a comedic art for you. yeah, there you go. put that pyrite in guillermo's face, that's always good stuff, right?
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[ laughter ] >> guillermo: yeah, it's real good. >> jimmy: here, xhees are the comedic arts! >> i'm not going to hit you with a pie. >> jimmy: you're not going to make it. you might want to switch to business. [ laughter ] >> you're right. you've got a nice suit on, i can't. >> jimmy: his parents are canadian. in canada, they don't put a pie in your face, they just hand you one and apologize if you don't like it. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. jamie dornan is here. jessica williams is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from dustin lynch with mckenzie porter. we'll be right back, so stick around. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by veterans united home loans. veterans make our comments better. visit to learn more.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, from "love life" on hbo max, jessica williams is here. then later, their song is called "thinking 'bout you." justin lynch and mackenzie porter from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, all the country stars will assemble at the cma awards here on abc in primetime. check that out. also tomorrow night, ryan reynolds and science bob will be with us. with music from ryan hurd and maren morris. and on thursday night, benedict cumberbatch and kevin garnett. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest was born in a northern ireland town called hollywood. he is a talented actor and foreigner with a critically acclaimed new movie from kenneth branagh called "belfast."
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♪ i went away just when you needed me ♪ ♪ so you won't regret i feel bad leaving you ♪ ♪ won't you forget once knew ♪ ♪ open up your eyes then you realize ♪ ♪ here i stand with my ever lasting love ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: belfast" opens in theaters friday. please welcome jamie dornan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's good to see you in person. i think last time you were overseas, right?
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>> yeah. a bit depressing last time i was on the show, because i did it during lockdown. so essentially it's just me with a laptop and a little light. and then you're on the other side of the world. but i'm just sitting in a room in my house. so you know, you're here giving -- pretending you're this really interesting person, doing the best version of yourself. it's also midnight in the uk. then it's over and you close your laptop, turn the light off. [ laughter ] you're in a suit in your own home at 1:00 a.m. then you're sneaking, trying not to wake up the kids. then you're asleep seven minutes after talking to you, it's really weird. >> jimmy: that's my specialty, disappointing europeans. [ laughter and applause ] i know this will embarrass you, but i want to point out not only is the movie getting great reviews, your performance, you're getting great reviews yourself. [ cheers and applause ] i know that's not something you dwell on. i want to read one line from one
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review. "if dornan doesn't score an oscar nom, i will kill all the turtles in my daughter's terrarium." [ laughter ] that's a heck of an endorsement right there. >> oh my god. i don't want to see that sort of thing happen. no. >> jimmy: kenneth branagh is the director and writer of this film. it's based loosely on his life as a young man. >> jimmy: yeah. >> in northern ireland. >> jimmy: yeah. >> in belfast, when there was the conflicts between the protestants and the catholics. >> essentially, yeah. like he was 9 years old in 1969 when the movie's set. his family -- there's the beginning of a conflict that raged on for 30 years. we get to see it through his eyes, through the eyes of a 9-year-old boy. just a normal family who are affected by this awful stuff that was happening and had to make a choice for the safety of the family. i play his dad or a version of his dad. >> jimmy: it sounded -- not a grim movie by any stretch of the
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imagination, but it's very powerful. it's very interesting. i think here in the united states, we don't really appreciate or have a sense of that. >> of what happened. >> jimmy: i mean, here, catholics and protestants are almost exactly the same thing. [ laughter ] >> yeah. well, you know, funnily enough, where i come from, they're the same thing too. then there's a lot of people i see who see that differently. hence the 30-year civil war. >> jimmy: yeah. you shot some of the film in belfast? >> yeah. >> jimmy: when you go back, do you have people, friends, family? >> have people, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you like a returning hero when you come back? >> oh, geez, no. [ laughter ] i don't know. it's funny. i think anyone from the whole island of ireland, we're not great at -- we're quite uncomfortable with success. and with, you know -- you don't want to be seen to be achieving too much, you know. it doesn't look well.
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you know, there's a bit of like, who does he think he is? going off to america? doing well? >> jimmy: it's funny, in the united states, that really is -- it seems particular to boston boston also. [ laughter ] you hear that from people from boston.pthey're like, yeah, mr.t over here. >> sort of embarrassed by your own success, you can't talk about it too much. i would get a bit of a hard time if i started going, "i was on jimmy kimmel the other night." >> jimmy: they won't be impressed by that, you can say that. [ laughter and applause ] you can say, i was in hollywood. yeah, we saw in the clip your singing. this is now the third movie in a row that you've been singing in. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and just -- i think it's important because we know this stuff is recorded. you never know now. this is from the premiere last night. somebody shot cell phone video of you singing at the premiere. ♪ open up your eyes let them realize ♪
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♪ everlasting love ♪ >> jimmy: that's good, though. [ cheers and applause ] i know you're hiding. >> that was the perfect amount of dirty vodka martinis and wine with dinner. [ laughter ] to get the courage to make that decision. >> jimmy: and a band, too, which is hard to resist. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: has anyone approached you about recording an album? >> no, and i don't think -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have a rich tradition here in the united states of actors, when they become -- they hit a certain level of fame. like john travolta in the '70s. [ applause ] he recorded an album. and burt reynolds. [ laughter ] the great telly savalis. scott baio, who was on "happy days." steven seagal, "songs from the crystal cave." >> there you go. >> jimmy: if it's something
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you're thinking about? [ cheers and applause ] we could doll you up a little more. >> that's not my neck. >> jimmy: that's not your neck, no. [ laughter ] great idea for the title track, first song, "that's not my neck." [ laughter and applause ] could be fun, right? >> i'm sure they're good in their own right, but every one of those covers is tragic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the songs aren't great either, i'll be honest. there's really no shining stars in there. >> okay yeah. >> jimmy: some of them are good singers, but you know. really, they were there for the album cover, that was the thing. >> what it's all about, yeah. that's the sort of thing being where i come from --? that would be a no-no. >> "hey, lads, i'm releasing an album." no. >> jimmy: you say football, we say soccer. you started a team? >> yeah, other dads from the school that my two oldest kids go to. we are a collective of men who i
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think all still think that we're young and fit. you know, some of us are relatively young and fit. probably age range from 35 to 58, i would say. there's a lot of injuries. [ laughter ] it's a lot of, like, guys talking it up and then going, "oh, geez, i pulled a hammy." [ laughter ] yeah, a lot of limping off that goes on. >> jimmy: are there uniforms? is there a name of the team? >> no, we just play against each other, we don't play against other school dads. >> a scrimmage type of thing? >> whatever that means, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> scrimmage? that's an american thing? >> jimmy: practice. >> yeah, it's a scrimmage. >> jimmy: wow, i finally taught somebody something. [ laughter and applause ] first track, "that's not my neck." second track," scrimmage?" i think we've got something here. please allow me to produce your album. [ laughter ] >> you produce it, let's do it, we'll do it. >> jimmy: let's do it. this is an exciting
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announcement, we're working on an album, jamie dornan. his movie is "belfast." it opens in theaters on friday. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. we'll be back with jessica williams! okay davey. good game. you gonna be on tonight? yeah, definitely. cool, see ya later. pass it! pass it! yeah!!! you wanna play one more after this? yeah! one more! got him! yeah!!! hahahaha ha! hah- ha! oi! keep it down! no! you keep it down! sorry, neighbors. i can't stand mine either. kinder bueno? woooooow. it's crispy. it's creamy. it's not your average chocolate bar. smooth milk chocolate, crispy wafer and creamy hazelnut filling. it's kinder bueno.
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♪ talk without a phone ♪ ♪ kick off your boots ♪ ♪ cook something new ♪ ♪ the meeting just started ♪ careful you're on mute. ♪ catch a snuggle bug ♪ ♪ warm-up your buns ♪ ♪ bring your friend dave and the only song he knows ♪ ♪ host a movie night ♪ ♪ get your zen on ♪ ♪ nice to feel at home ♪ ♪ everywhere you go ♪ there's a different way to treat hiv. it's once-monthly injectable cabenuva. cabenuva is the only once-a-month, complete hiv treatment for adults who are undetectable. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider once a month. hiv pills aren't on my mind. i love being able to pick up and go. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions post-injection reactions, liver problems,...and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms,
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ross has savings on everything you need to get the party started. because who waits for shipping anymore? or guests?! i love saying yes to more merry for less at ross! mrs. claus the shopping boss here to help you merry savers find the best bargains ever! when you have the world's longest list you go to ross so you can work that budget and get those savings. i love saying yes to more merry for less at ross. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest as very funny woman. you know her as one dope half of "2 dope queens." season two of the series "love life" is on hbo max now. please welcome jessica williams.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> thank you so much, good to be here. >> jimmy: wow, that is an incredible dress you have on. >> thank you so much. thank you for having me. i wore it, i debated a heel. this is like my first time doing something like this since before the pandemic. >> jimmy: wow, i'm glad you chose to do it here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: hold were you on "the daily show"? >> i was 22 when i got that job. i was going to cal state long beach, i found out when i was having "panda express" in the school cafeteria, straight-up warren's chicken, nice, medium hot, never hot enough, medium hot, true panda express experience. >> jimmy: did you finish the meal? >> i didn't. no, i couldn't eat. >> jimmy: it's probably still edible. [ laughter ] >> absolutely, absolutely.
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that's the thing about panda express. lasts a really long time. >> jimmy: hoofls the first person you called when you found out you got that job? >> oh, definitely my mom. >> jimmy: your mom. >> yeah, my maker. i just had to call her, tell her what's up. she's like -- i just called her, oh my gosh, mom. i got this audition. i got a call-back. i'm going to go to new york. they're going to fly me out. they need to get a suit. "yeah, that's my baby." i was like, let's go to j. crew. "we ain't going to j. crew, we're going to tj maxx, you ain't got no j. crew money." my mom is like a maxxinista. >> jimmy: my sister is into that sort of thing. she will go multiple times. because you have to go regularly, everything's always turning over. >> that's the beautiful thing about tj maxx. you have to go -- any place like home goods, marshalls, you have
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to hunt. you have to be ready. it's not vintage shopping but it is looking for stuff shopping. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> i think last week she did like a power run. my mom did a power run. i was facetiming with her and the hot tip, that's where you go if you want to get bond candles. they'll have a triple wick candle for, like, maybe $7. that's where you go if you want a bomb big candle. >> jimmy: i was in a tj maxx over the summer. it's the random assortment of home items there. and there's only one of most of them, you know? [ laughter ] >> yeah, it's always like you, like when i go -- i just, like, i like butter pecan candles, pumpkin candles, i'm happy it's fall. it's always me and another lady, an older woman, looking at each other, like you trying to get that? [ laughter ]
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staring each other down, like what you gonna do? >> jimmy: then you moved to new york? >> i moved to new york, i was there about eight years. >> jimmy: you're back here now? >> i just moved back a few weeks ago. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, i did. it's ning to be back. i'm from here. so it's good. i'm a lot closer to my parents. >> jimmy: are they very excited? >> yeah, my mom -- yeah my mom just texted me. she's on her way to my house right now so we can watch "the bachelorette." [ laughter ] do you watch "the bachelorette"? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, of course. [ laughter ] who do you think is going to -- well, i don't know. who do you think -- >> it's too early! it's too early to tell. right now you got to suss out who's there for her or who's there to be on "paradise." >> jimmy: yeah. >> we're in that early stage. >> jimmy: seems like they're all there to be on "paradise." >> absolutely. [ laughter ] i just watched "paradise two" and that was a fun summer moment, so yeah, totally.
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>> jimmy: your parents watch with you? >> my mom does. >> jimmy: dad does not? >> no, we just have to watch the clippers. [ laughter ] my dad, he's been the number one clippers fan for like 25 years. >> jimmy: if he's going to invest time, a whole year in watching something happen with no results at the end -- [ laughter ] he prefers it to be the clippers to "the bachelorette." > that's it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: do your parents watch your show," love life," with you? >> yeah, i can't watch. i can't watch. my parents are like -- i don't want my parents to catch me watching myself kiss someone on screen. that's hell on earth to me. >> jimmy: yeah right. >> they watch it on their own. they're definitely caught up on the season. and now the final four episodes are about to drop on thursday. >> jimmy: then do they have thoughts afterwards? >> they do. oh, man. i wish i could show you. they send me video updates of, like, their review. [ laughter ] my dad is like -- "oh, baby,
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marcus is making all these crazy choices." played by harper jackson. "y'all are going to have a lot of fun, it's funny to watch them going through all that stuff, i remember that in my 30s, ha ha ha!" [ laughter and applause ] i'm lucky to have supportive parents. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they watch all my stuff, and they're excited i'm on here tonight. >> jimmy: good. what are your parents' names? >> leon and maria, mr. and mrs. brooks. that's their names. >> jimmy: well, mr. and mrs. brooks, we've gotten a little bit of insight into your world. [ laughter ] do you ever see them kiss? >> yes. >> jimmy: does that make you uncomfortable? >> yeah, absolutely. they're still really in love with each other. they're still, like, really good at flirting. so sometimes, like my mom will walk in the kitchen and my dad will be like, oh, whoa, whoa, back that up, back that up!
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[ laughter and applause ] and my mom will be, like this, like this? dad will be like, that must be jelly because jam don't jiggle like that. [ cheers and applause ] what are you saying? like jimmy, do you -- do you know the difference between jam and jelly? >> jimmy: no. >> i'm baffled by that. >> jimmy: no, i think jam has seeds, maybe, i don't know. [ laughter ] >> it doesn't quite jiggle like that, basically. yeah. but they still are really cute. >> jimmy: please give them my best. >> of course. >> jimmy: next time bring them, that will be fun, we'll watch them make out. [ laughter ] sorry, jessica. jessica williams! the final four episodes of season two of "love liar" thursday on hbo max. we'll be right back with music from dustin lynch! ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ make your holiday dreams come true. for way less than you expect. at t.j. maxx, marshalls and homegoods. endless selection. great prices. all season long. woman: i have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. now, there's skyrizi. ♪ things are getting clearer ♪ ♪ yeah i feel free ♪ ♪ to bare my skin, yeah that's all me. ♪ ♪ nothing and me go hand in hand ♪ ♪ nothing on my skin that's my new plan. ♪ ♪ nothing is everything. ♪ woman: keep your skin clearer with skyrizi. most who achieved 90% clearer skin at 4 months had lasting clearance through 1 year. in another study, most people had 90% clearer skin at 3 years. and skyrizi is 4 doses a year, after 2 starter doses. ♪ it's my moment so i just gotta say ♪ ♪ nothing is everything. ♪ skyrizi may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them.
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before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, such as fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or coughs or if you plan to or recently received a vaccine. ♪ nothing is everything. ♪ woman: talk to your dermatologist about skyrizi. learn how abbvie could help you save. you don't get much time for yourself. so when you do, make it count with crest pro-health.logist about skyrizi. it protects the 8 areas dentists check for a healthier mouth. the #1 toothpaste brand in america. crest. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the ride of your life is closer than you think. for the first time ever, buy your new car, entierly from home with nissan at home. delivered direct from dealer to driveway. ♪ ♪
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delivered direct from dealer to driveway. pringles original, barbecue, pizza. the barbecue pizza stack. (cheers) where is everyone? pringles, endless flavors to stack. ♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪them man are doing this thing part time♪ ♪no i'm doing this thing all day♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪look, no i don't care what you think or say♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ ♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ tender pork. ♪ tangy pickles. delicious sauce. any one of these alone would make a good sandwich. but to be the “most important sandwich of the year,” i'd humbly suggest having all three.
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i hope you like music. the name of their song is "thinking about you." here with a little help from mackenzie porter, dustin lynch!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ well look who it is the last call i thought i'd get how's your mama ♪ ♪ how you've been girl it's been too long saw your sister ♪ ♪ at the circle k heard baby number two was on the way ♪ ♪ hadn't seen her since her wedding day with you on my arm ♪ ♪ it's good to hear from you again ♪ ♪ girl what a consequence dense ♪ ♪ i was just thinking about that weekend out a cumberland lake ♪ ♪ and that one time in baton rouge when we made out in the rain ♪ ♪ where we went chasing falling stars on a hill at your daddy's farm ♪ ♪ don't be sorry for calling me up out of the blue i was just thinkin' ♪ ♪ 'bout you
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oh i was just thinkin' ♪ ♪ 'bout you mmm ♪ ♪ hey i just gotta say i heard your song the other day and it put ♪ ♪ a smile on my face when i started reminiscing i been on the edge of calling you ♪ ♪ and i'm so glad i decided to ♪ ♪ i was just thinking about that weekend out on cumberland lake ♪ ♪ and that one time in baton rouge when we made out in the rain ♪ ♪ where we went chasing falling stars on a hill at your daddy's farm ♪ ♪ don't be sorry for calling me up out of the blue ♪ i was just thinking about you ♪ ♪ whoa i was just thinking about you ♪ ♪ if you're ever back in town do what you're ♪ ♪ doin' right now
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cause i'm probably thinkin' 'bout you ♪ ♪ ooh oh ♪ ♪ i was just thinkin' 'bout that weekend out on cumberland lake ♪ ♪ and that one time in baton rouge when we made out in the rain ♪ ♪ where we went chasin' fallin' stars on a hill at your daddy's farm ♪ ♪ don't be sorry for callin' me up out of the blue i was just ♪ ♪ thinkin' 'bout you oh i was just thinkin' 'bout you ♪ ♪ i was just thinkin' 'bout you oh i was just thinkin' 'bout you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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in business, setbacks change everything. so get comcast business internet
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and add securityedge. it helps keep your network safe by scanning for threats every 10 minutes. and unlike some cybersecurity options, this helps protect every connected device. yours, your employees' and even your customers'. so you can stay ahead. get started with a great offer and ask how you can add comcast business securityedge. plus for a limited time, ask how to get a $500 prepaid card when you upgrade. call today. welcome to this world. you have some big shoes to fill. lots of new introductions. ...4 ounces... so many new toys. it's not going to be easy. but, together, we got this. kaiser permanente. thrive. >> jimmy: thanks to jamie dornan, jessica williams, and these two. dustin lynch and mackenzie porter. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. tomorrow night, ryan reynolds and science bob pflugfelder. with music from ryan hurd and maren morris.
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"nightline" is next. thanks for watching, goodnight. this is "nightline." >> tonight, inside the horror of astro world. >> help, help! >> one man who fought to save others. >> it makes me want to make sure this never happens ever again. >> families of victims demanding accountability. >> he's a small, innocent child, he didn't deserve that. >> what we now know about the operations planned for the concert. what was missing. plus climate desperation. deep in central america's dry corridor, families facing a stark choice. starve or leave. we journey to


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