tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 30, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PST
appreciate your time. right now on jimmy kimmel, billy crystal. we will see you tomorrow. ♪ there. do any of you have dogs? wow. lots of you have dogs. >> one of them died. >> i'm sorry. any other animals? what other animals do you have? >> dog. >> a fish. >> a fish? and what do you have? >> i have one. >> what do you have? >> hamsters and hedgehogs. under like the cage pemp, then suffocated. >> oh, okay. let's move on to happier things. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- billy crystal. and music from local natives. and now, jimmy kimmel!
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, thank you. well, very nice. thanks, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i appreciate that. thank you for sharing your lives with me. [ cheers and applause ] it's giving tuesday. did you know it's giving tuesday? >> guillermo: yes, i knew. >> jimmy: do you know why they do giving tuesday? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: it's been around since 2012. the idea is after you spend a disgusting amount of money on your kids on black friday and cyber monday, you feel so guilty you make a donation to try to avoid going to hell. [ laughter ] if i go to hell, i'm definitely going in a handbasket. because i want to be like, "hey, look at this!" [ laughter ] here's a question, which takes precedence? giving tuesday or taco tuesday? [ laughter ] or maybe a taco is the greatest gift of all.
in canada right now, there is a nationwide shortage of maple syrup. for real. and it's a big thing. to put it in perspective, this is like if we ran out of monster energy drink. here in the united states. [ laughter ] the shortage is so severe that canada is tapping into their emergency syrup supply. [ laughter ] i love that they have this. they have a heavily fortified and very sticky warehouse in quebec. [ laughter ] they withdrew 50 million pounds of syrup from their strategic maple reserves. back in 2011, a group of thieves stole 6,000 barrels of emergency syrup. so they had to put in all these security measures. which is a great idea for a heist movie, by the way. [ laughter ] starring all fat action stars, wouldn't that be something? [ laughter ] and while this would seem to be their problem, do you know who the biggest consumer of syrup is? is us. we buy 60% of canadian syrup. they make 73% of the syrup in the world, and we buy 60% of it. it's like they opened a donut
shop next to a jenny craig. they know we can't resist. [ laughter ] [ applause ] in other bad news, the cdc is recommending that every american adult get a covid booster shot. now that this omicron variant is on the loose. president biden said omicron is "a cause for concern. not a cause for panic." which is fine, but i feel like the only "cause for panic" for joe biden is when the five and dime runs out of malted milk balls. [ laughter ] the ceo of moderna, who knows about this sort of thing, said he's spoken to scientists who told him the vire yant is "not going to be good." [ laughter ] it's kind of like when the trailer for the movie "cats" came out. the only thing we knew was that it wasn't going to be good. [ laughter ] but we didn't know the extent of how not good it would be. [ cheers and applause ] if you've been watching fox news, you know that the real enemy isn't the virus or the do-my-own-research geniuses who refuse to get the vaccine. the real enemy is dr. fauci. >> so it's easy to criticize, but they're really criticizing
science. because i represent science. >> the man now believes he's a deity accountable to no one. >> dr. fauci says he is the all-powerful oz and we shouldn't question him. >> that's a very grandiose statement on his part. >> "i am the state." it is this delusion of grandeur. >> tony fauci has morphed into a an even shorter version of benito mussolini. >> he doesn't represent science, he represents joseph mengele. >> jimmy: joseph mengele. looks like lara logan is eating tide pods again. [ laughter ] so outrageous, joseph mengele. let me tell you screwballs something about dr. fauci. cause i've had enough of this. he's too nice to say this himself. this man has been working on behalf of the public, that's us, for more than fifty years. he served under six presidents. starting with reagan, then president bush -- [ cheers and applause ]
president clinton, another president bush, obama, trump, now biden. republicans and democrats. to suggest that his politics have anything to do with his work is ridiculous. and it's a lie. and he doesn't deserve it. he didn't ask for it. he's not a politician. he's a doctor. his interest is in protecting us from disease. remember aids, ebola, the zika virus? he worked on all of those things, and thank god there's someone who is educated enough and devoted enough to figure this stuff out for us. because we are not going to figure it out ourselves. and what are the thanks he gets? he gets scumbags like ted cruz, like rand paul, like that vile, inflatable macy's balloon [ bleep ] tucker carlson -- [ cheers and applause ] making up lies to take him down. the reason they keep doing it is to terrify old people. which is basically what they do for a living. they scare senior citizens to get ratings, and money, and votes, but to do that, they need villains. to scare grandma, they need fresh villains.
so they zero in on this tiny, adorable, tired man -- [ laughter ] -- who has done nothing but good for this world. dr. fauci has probably done more good for the world than all of us in this room combined. [ cheers and applause ] is malala here? because maybe not. but that doesn't matter to them. they see him as a character in this real-world wrestlemania they've cooked up. they make him a heel. which is a bad guy. so they make stuff up about him. they insinuate that he helped develop the virus in china. that he's part of the deep state, that he does cruel experiments on puppies. they will say anything to tear him down. they'd say he invented mosquitoes if people were dumb enough to believe it. [ laughter ] and guess what? people are dumb enough to believe it. they're attacking this friendly man from brooklyn, with a family, he graduated first in his class at cornell, he's an american. president bush gave him the medal of freedom. even trump says he liked him. he doesn't say that about his own children. [ laughter and applause ]
the idea that anyone would be angry because he says he represents science, he's a scientist! that's like being angry that a manicurist says she represents nails. [ laughter ] he is a brilliant public servant who these monsters now threaten and accuse and slander and put in real danger with these disgusting lies, these nutjobs who follow them are threatening him. a man who is trying to keep us alive is getting death threats. can you imagine that? ted cruz says he should be prosecuted. for what? i have no idea. ted cruz should be prosecuted -- [ cheers and applause ] for illegally using a ferret as a beard. [ laughter ] here's the thing. when dr. jonas salk helped cure polio, nobody accused him of eating babies. he didn't need an armed security detail because there wasn't a gang of uneducated morons threatening to ship him off to guantanamo bay. everyone was rooting for
jonas salk. every family in this country was mailing dimes to the white house to help out. you people keep saying you want to "make america great again?" wouldn't getting a handle on this be one those great american moments from the '50s you're so nostalgic for? [ cheers and applause ] we are lucky to have dr. fauci. and if you people drive him away because he decides he's had enough, which he would be totally justified in doing, guess what? we're replacing him with dr. dre. [ laughter ] i'm going to tell you something, if you threaten him, that's not going to work out well for you at all. [ laugher and applause ] the other candidate for nitwit of the week is congressworm lauren boebert. this video is from a fundraiser back in september. cnn dug it up. here you will see a member of congress taking shots at another member of congress who committed the horrible crime of being muslim. >> in that elevator we were joined by ilhan omar. >> oh my god!
>> well, it was just us three in there. i looked over and i said, well, lookey there, it's the jihad squad. she doesn't have a backpack, she wasn't dropping and running. ilhan omar. the league of the last departed evil women who want to destroy -- >> jimmy: well, that is the worst maid of honor speech i've ever heard. [ laughter ] the good news, encouraging news, her republican colleagues rushed to publicly condemn those remarks. [ rim shot ] that was a joke, no, they said nothing. happy holidays, everyone. [ applause ] guillermo, are you doing anything with the elf on the shelf for benji this year? >> guillermo: we're going to start tomorrow. >> jimmy: we started last night, begrudgingly. if you don't know the elf on the
shelf, santa sendsn arm of miniature demons to spy on and tell on your kids. they should call it "narc in the dark." [ laughter ] we put up the tree last night, and we were kind of hoping the kids would forget the elf. it's a huge pain in the ass. you forget it all the time. we put up the tree, hoping the kids were forget the elf. the sun came up, so did our daughter, "where is the elf?" oh, no. i had to distract her while my wife found and it hung it from the chandelier. [ laughter ] and then my daughter left this note for santa on the elf's head. she can't touch the elf, she places it on the elf. there's a female elf we forget about. we left her in the box. jane wrote, "dear santa, can ya please tell my elf to bring his sister? warmly, jane." [ laughter ] she's signing her cards "warmly." [ laughter ] like she's savannah guthrie or something. [ laughter ] anyway, elf on the shelf is a
very popular product, but when it comes to spying on us the elf has a lot of competition. in fact, one little fella in particular is running circles around him. >> elf on the shelf can only see so much. that's why this season, no secret is safe. >> they're mittens from macy's. they cost $12.99 and they're one size too small. >> oh. >> introducing zuck on a truck. with the power of facebook's massive database, your personal mark zuckerberg knows absolutely everything. >> also, your mom is having an affair. >> mom, what's an affair? >> zuck on a truck can tell if you've been naughty or nice. he knows every website you've visited, every place you've lived, every friend you've made, every love you've lost, every schoolmate you've stalked. zuck on a truck even knows when you'll day. >> 63. >> what? >> he has a working horn. >> beep beep! ha ha ha! >> cool!
>> so be careful, all you naughty kids. >> it's not my place to judge what's right and wrong. >> or don't. because zuck on a truck takes no responsibility for your dangerous misbehavior. quite the contrary. zuck on a truck will use his yuletide algorithm to connect all the naughty children in your neighborhood. >> santa's list is read! >> get the tree! >> we're out of here! go! >> deck the halls! deck the halls! >> ha ha ha! >> it's a decoration insurrection with zuck on a truck, which for legal reasons has now been rebranded as -- >> meta on a jetta. >> available at walgreens.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are going to take a break. when we come back, all the people you see on the street right now are related except for one of those people. one of them is a stranger trying to blend in. when we come back, we're going to trying to figure out which one doesn't belong. stick around, we'll be right back.
this is your home. this is your family room slash gym. the guest bedroom slash music studio. the daybed slash dog bed. the living room slash yoga shanti slash regional office slash classroom. and this is the basement slash panic room. maybe what your family needs is a vacation home slash vacation home. find yours on the vrbo app. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. billy crystal and local natives are on the way. but first, let's go to hollywood boulevard because it's time to play "which one doesn't belong?" this is a game -- first of all, i should say this is my cousin sal. >> sal: what's happening, cousin
jimmy? >> jimmy: hi, sal. sal is part of my family. >> sal: that's true. >> jimmy: my mom is your aunt, right? >> sal: yeah, we did 23 and me 10 years ago. yeah, your mother's my aunt, something like that. >> jimmy: that's right. your father is my uncle. >> sal: that's how it works. >> jimmy: what is the good? >> sal: festive. superheroes having sex. i don't think you'd like it. >> jimmy: why is there a fire truck behind you? >> sal: that's a really good question. i tried to get them to leave, i was nice about it. we have about 40 seconds to do this bit. >> jimmy: okay, all right. so let's first meet -- this is a real family for the most part. one of them is a stranger. and my job is to try to guess who the stranger is. so let's meet these folks. we'll start with, yes, the gentleman with the very big hair. >> hello. >> jimmy: your name is? >> brendan. >> jimmy: where are you from, brendan? >> well, my family and i are from elmont. >> jimmy: from where? >> in new york. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> new york. >> jimmy: i'm going to say brandon is not the one.
[ laughter ] i'm going to jump right ow, i'm going to jump in and say brandon has screwed this up royally. >> sal: wait a minute, maybe the others don't know where they're from either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, i'm not going to bother to guess anymore. brandon, are you the one? >> yes. >> jimmy: you are the one, yes. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hold on. is your name even brendan? i thought you said brandon. no, so -- >> no. >> jimmy: what is your name? >> brandon. >> jimmy: okay, all right. very poorly done. [ laughter ] >> sal: we have a prize for him. >> jimmy: we have a prize for the family and for brendan or brandon. >> sal: a sushi gift card. >> jimmy: a gift card. >> sal: and brandon, you get a fish. [ laughter and applause. >> jimmy: thank you for playing. that was easier than i remember it being. i hope brendan never gets arrested because he's going to jail. [ laughter ] all right, so now we are going to load up another family and
see who we have out there, all right? there are five people, four of them are family members, one of you is not. correct? [ laughter ] all right, let's start. closest to sal, what is your name? >> sal: i'm sal. >> i'm george. my name's george. >> jimmy: where are you from, george? >> i'm from calgary, alberta. >> jimmy: i hear they're running out of maple syrup, are you worried? >> no, i got some stocked up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, very good. let's keep going down the line. and isabella? where are you from? >> i'm from calgary, alberta. >> jimmy: are you in school? >> yes. >> jimmy: what grade are you in? >> grade 8. >> jimmy: grade 8, okay. see, i know canadians say grade 8 instead of eighth grade. and let's meet your sister, or who knows, maybe not your sister. miriam. what grade are you in? >> i'm in grade 9. >> jimmy: grade 9, okay. you said that easily too.
all right, let's meet -- is this your dad? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah? hi, dad. >> hi. >> jimmy: fernando? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: you're from canada, will you? >> canadian. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> heavy-duty appraiser. >> jimmy: what's the second line of the canadian national anthem? >> the second line? >> jimmy: yeah the second line after "o canada." what comes after that? ♪ our home and native land ♪ >> jimmy: good, all right. and susan, you are a member of this family? >> i am. >> jimmy: huh. you're from canada, huh? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: what's the line after "our home and native land"? >> that i am not very sure of. >> jimmy: uh-huh, okay. and what do you do for work, susan? >> i own a shoe store. >> jimmy: a shoe store in canada? they have those, huh? >> they do, yes. >> jimmy: interesting. what's the most popular shoe in the store? >> i would say our comfort sneaker. >> jimmy: it's up there in calgary? >> yes, it is.
>> jimmy: it is. what intersection is your store at? >> it's on maple and vine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that sounds very generic, right? come on, maple? it's on maple, really? >> it is. >> sal: follow the syrup trail, right? >> jimmy: all right. just give me one more look at everybody's faces so i can see who seems to match up with who. okay. george, all right. all right. isabella. miriam. fernan fernando. and susan. i'm going to say susan, you don't belong. you are the imposter in this group. is that correct? >> that is correct, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see that? all right. all right. well, you know what, i'm very tickled pink with myself right now. sal, what do we have for this mostly canadian family? >> sal: we have cheesecake factory, gift card for the real
family. and my thanksgiving leftovers for the imposter. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what a wonderful gift. there you go, susan. thanks to our family. thanks for playin whatever that was called. we'll be back with billy crystal! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by impossible foods. take a bite. save the planet. visit impossiblefoods.com ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the ride of your life is closer than you think. for the first time ever, buy your new car entirely from home with nissan@home. delivered direct from dealer to driveway. ♪ shop kohl's cyber deal days! and save on your holiday shopping delivered direct from dealer to driveway. with an extra 20% off!
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. tonight, from will ferrell's new show "the shrink next door," this is their cassette. they made a cassette tape. it's an ep of cover songs from the '80s called "music from the pen gala 1983." local natives from the mercedes-benz stage. laugh [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, ken jeong, maya erskine, and anna konkle will join us. and on thursday, riz ahmed with music from norah jones. so please join us for all that. our first guest is one of the funniest and most talented people alive, or dead even. [ laughter ] after many months in quarantine, he returns to the broadway stage in a new musical production of his movie "mr. saturday night." it opens march 1st at the nederlander theatre. tickets are on sale now. please say hello to billy crystal! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: billy, how are you? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: it's good to see you. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: i see you in the wild. >> it's been so great. >> jimmy: are you going out now? >> yeah, yeah. the other day -- first of all, hello, and thank you. [ cheers and applause ] it's always a miracle, it feels like lately, to be in front of real people. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> it's been great. so yesterday i got out to play golf for the first time in 2 1/2 years. >> jimmy: wow. >> and i get there late, 2:30, 3:00, there's nobody else on the course. and i hit a really nice drive, like 240, something, right down the middle. whoo, whoo! to myself. [ laughter ] i get in the cart. as i get closer, these two looked like german shepherds -- not men, dogs -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-huh?
>> "wait, this is your ball? we are playing through!" as i got closer i realized they're coyotes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> and they're scary. and they won't move. as i got closer i yell, "fore!" [ laughter ] then they put their head down, which means they may come after my tuna sandwich in the cart. [ laughter ] so i said, you know -- it was really getting scary. so i said, you know what? the ball costs $3. that's it. so i wait an hour and a half. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and then finished. all right, nice to be here. oh, man. everybody has the same sort of complaint about thanksgiving, families staying too long. >> jimmy: right. somebody in our audience, a young lady -- [ laughter ] in a very almost robotic fashion, i said how long have your parents been in town?
she said, "a week." [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: just like that. >> my relatives haven't left yet. >> jimmy: is that true? >> you invite them for dinner. you know you're in trouble when they bring leggage. [ laughter ] the roll-on bags. you have this -- you know, older relatives, because you're on television they think you can fix a television. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you had that? it's 12, it just keeps going 12, 12. i don't think it has anything to do with television, it's your house. >> we were 20. >> jimmy: 20 people at dinner? >> yeah. it was great because last year was a zoom thanksgiving. >> jimmy: right. >> people yelling on mute with sweet potatoes coming out of their mouth. [ laughter ] couldn't be bothered. we were socially distanced. so everybody was about six feet apart. if you want to pass a roll, it was 120 feet. [ laughter ] thank god i can still throw. >> jimmy: you've got a good arm,
yeah. you have been very careful. >> very careful, yeah. we made all our own food. >> jimmy: did you help with that? >> yeah, yeah. we had three tour questions. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> a moderna and a pfizer. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and then we got this -- every thanksgiving, these -- you know those pumpkin patches? those pop-up things? >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's a pop-up turkey farm in beverly hills. >> jimmy: is that true? >> they sell these beautiful boutique turkeys where the necks have no wrinkles. [ laughter ] and turkey breast implants. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so it's good. i have one more if you want. >> jimmy: yeah, go, go. i love it, you know it. [ applause ] >> they had a beak -- their beaks were done at a surgical
center. they had a beak job. >> jimmy: went too far. >> i should have stopped. good night, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] should have stopped. >> jimmy: this is also, what, the third night of hanukkah? >> it is? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the third night of hanukkah. >> i'm a reformed you. >> jimmy: hanukkah, is that a big one? >> it's the best one. >> jimmy: it's the best one? >> because it's fun. it's eight nights. of, you know, smiling and laughing and singing. as opposed to some of our more tragic holidays. you know. like yom kippur. which is like the holiest of days. this is a holiday. you fast. you absolve yourself of your sins. you don't turn on any electricity. nothing electricity, nothing. so this is your holiday. a bunch of hungry, guilty people sitting in the dark. [ laughter ] that's the holiday. this one is fun. because it's eight nights of giving little presents every
night. so we gave the kids nfts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did, how nice. >> and bitcoin. chocolate-covered bitcoin. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you do that when you were a kid, get a present each night? >> i got a firm handshake for eight nights. from my grandfather. "just always tell the truth." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the truth is i'd like some gifts on hanukkah. you didn't get that? >> we had little things. little things. nothing great. you know. ping-pong paddle with the ball, that thing? >> jimmy: yeah? >> we got that three great nights. [ laughter ] i guess there was a sale. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when we come back, we're going to talk about this project that you've been working on. this is a broadway production of your movie "mr. saturday night." >> couldn't be more excited. >> jimmy: yeah, i love when you do this. you do such a great job with this. how did this come to you? is this something that you thought about while you were cooped up? >> no.
it actually started many years ago when i was finishing my run of my one-man show "700 sundays on broadway." across the street was "the producers." mel brooks' great show. >> jimmy: right. >> so we finished our run. it was very successful. we won a tony and all of that stuff. it was great and i was exhausted. so anxious to get home. after doing over 200-something shows. and the phone rings and it's mel. who's like an uncle to me. and, billy, hi, it's mel. listen, i -- i -- i have two things i want to talk to you about. first, i'd love you to come to do "the producers." you can do six months, it would be fantastic. i said, mel, i love you so much, i've been waiting for a call from you for my entire life, it seems like, to work with you. but i don't want to be the fifth guy to play that character. he said, you won't be, you'll be the 12th! [ laughter ]
somebody called from london and they were talking about, i'm going to do the "young frankenstein" as a musical. they mentioned we love "mr. saturday night" so much, might that be -- just putting it in your head. so it stayed in my head for all of these years. and about five, six years ago, i started thinking seriously about it. and started making up songs in my head. well, this could be, that could be, how do we change it? i contacted my dear friends and cowriters of the film, lowell gans and barbara mendel. >> jimmy: two of the greats. >> the greats. we wrote a really funny book. and we got incredible composer, jason robert brown, and amanda green wrote the lyrics. it's so exciting to play this guy again. when i played him, he's the 73-year-old comedian. so when we did the movie, i was
43. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah. >> so i had 5 1/2 hours of makeup every day to play him. now i just show up. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: billy crystal is with us. "mr. saturday night" opens in new york march 1st. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ experience the power of sanctuary at the lincoln wish list event. with clean, fresh ingredients, panera's new chicken sausage and pepperoni flatbread is a mouthwatering explosion of yes. craft? yes!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we are back with billy crystal. he's got a musical on broadway called "mr. saturday night" based on the movie. david pager, who played your brother in the movie, is playing your brother? >> my brother stan. david is one of the great actors and one of the most wonderful people. he was 37 when we did the movie. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> so be reunited with him -- he was nominated for an oscar. >> jimmy: that's right, yeah. >> best supporting actor. >> jimmy: right. >> and i wasn't. [ laughter ] no, directing, playing opposite him in the film. he's so good in the show. and it's so musical, the show. >> jimmy: talk about the show itself, for those who have not seen the movie. it's a story -- an older comic reminiscing about his younger days? >> buddy young jr., at the bottom of his career, he's playing retirement homes and assisted living places and he's
miserable. and he gets a chance to maybe have something happen for him again. but he's a bitter guy. but he's hilarious. and so what he's trying to do is not only become something again, he's trying to reunite his fractured family, his relationship with his brother and with his daughter in particular. and so it's not only a hilarious story that's show business oriented, it's really bigger than that. it's really about a father and daughter reuniting and two brothers coming back together again. >> jimmy: you spoke about "700 sundays" and how tired you were doing it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: at any point during that run of that show did you say, i will never do this again? >> opening night. [ laughter ] no -- listen. this is going to be harder. but it will be more fun in some ways. because i'll have other people on stage. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> i mean, "700 sundays," the
cast party was really lonely. [ laughter ] and the softball team was just me running to cover every position. yeah, it's very hard. we'll do seven shows a week, you only have monday off. >> jimmy: you have to do that, right? >> in order to make money. >> jimmy: to have a theater, to make money. >> we'll be at a fantastic theater where "rent" was. and really sort of, you know, changed broadway at the time. the needer lander theater on 41st street. >> jimmy: what is it doing a broadway show? >> one that is you're doing i you're part of the community, it's live. especially playing this guy, which we did it as a film. you're so removed from it. you set up the laugh in may, you don't get the laugh until october. >> jimmy: right. >> you know? so it's frustrating. here i play him, we all do it right in front of everybody. it's really exciting that way. >> jimmy: yes. >> that's a thrill to perform live every night. the great fringe benefit of it is who ends up coming backstage.
>> jimmy: oh, coming -- >> people you never met before. >> jimmy: like who? who did you meet at that show that you'd never met before? >> we were there a year. so it was, you kno -- every night there was someone pretty interesting. kirk douglas. carol burnett came twice. >> jimmy: wow. >> mary tyler moore. norman lear. >> jimmy: wow. >> kurt vonnegut. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, one of my favorite novelists. >> jimmy: minute too, yeah. >> he's amazing. so he came. >> jimmy: did you talk to him afterwards? >> sure, he came backstage. i couldn't believe that he was there. because you know -- "slaughterhouse-five." "breakfast of champions." it was astounding to hear his take on what this show was. he compared it to a symphony with movements. you started here, then you went to allegre
>> jimmy: what a compliment. >> it was. oprah winfrey came. >> jimmy: i don't know who that is. [ laughter ] >> letterman came twice. the first night he was sitting next to henry kissinger. there's a combination. [ laughter ] stupid henry kissinger, you know? henry came backstage with him. and it was loothe odd couple. what? this is wrong. "really, i loved the show, it was very moving, so moving, i really loved the show, i'd like you to meet my wife, say hello to billy joel." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the worst letterman impersonation i've ever heard. [ laughter ] so kissinger, letterman. >> then we -- the biggest night for just a group that was crazy was out here when we finished
our nationwide tour. president clinton. robert wagner and jill st. john. jack nicholson. warren beatty were there and came back. and that was like -- it's like, you know -- it's like amazing, that this show about my life moved them. and then it was so -- you know, just generous of them to want to spend the time. >> jimmy: they all came back together? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: is there anybody that you just never expected you would ever come to a show like that? >> yeah. muhammad ali. >> jimmy: muhammad ali? who was your friend. >> yes. >> jimmy: your good friend. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: where did he see the show? >> in arizona. >> jimmy: in phoenix. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he lived there. >> the gamage theater. >> jimmy: gam-mage. >> i'm upset i did that one extra joke. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's okay, it's all right. [ applause ]
so it was -- >> jimmy: do it one more time, see if it works again. >> had the big -- [ laughter ] it was ali's 65th birthday. >> jimmy: wow. >> so he was living in phoenix. so lana, his amazing wife, called and said, he'd love to see you come over in the morning and have breakfast with him on his birthday. janice and i go over, spent the morning with him. then he said, i'd like to come and see your show. so we said, how can we do this? let's figure this out. because we felt if we put him in the audience, it might be distracting. and so we said, what do we do? and i said, i've got an idea. we got a huge, beautiful, wingback comfortable chair. and we put it in the wings. that's where he watched the show. nobody saw him. he was off to my right. and i had done my first television show ever with muhammad ali. and that sort of bound us
together all of those years was the beginning. and here it was, now he's watching me, and he's sitting in this easy chair off to the side. it was really miraculous. so at intermission i said to the audience -- i wanted to bring him out. i said, "you know today is a local resident's 65th birthday, muhammad ali is 65 today." applause, applause. and i said, "he told me this morning, i'm the greatest senior citizen of all-time." [ laughter ] they kept applauding. i said, i wish we could give him a cake, wouldn't that be great? let's do that. i brought him out. and they went berserk. we blew out candles, wished him happy birthday. >> jimmy: wow. >> it was kind of amazing. >> jimmy: wow, what is better than that? >> yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, maybe mike tyson will come to "mr. saturday night." keep your fingers crossed. the show opens march 1st at the
nederlander theatre in new york. tickets are on sale now. billy crystal, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. we'll be right back with music from local natives. ♪ ♪ don't be fooled by the bike. or judge him by his jacket. while ted's eyes are on the road, his heart stays home. he's got gloria, and 10 grand-babies, to prove it. but his back made weekend rides tough, so ted called on the card that's even tougher. and the medicare coverage trusted by more doctors. medicare from blue cross blue shield. by your side, no matter what. that's the benefit of blue. find your local blue cross and blue shield plan at benefitofblue.com ♪ find your lo♪al blue cross and blue shield plan acqua di giò & acqua di giò profondo giorgio armani at macy's the fragrance destination
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: now we travel back to the '80s. the ep is called "music from the pen gala 1983." here with a cover of roxy music's "more than this," local natives! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i could feel at the time there was no way of knowing fallen leaves in the night who can say where they're ♪ ♪ blowing as free as the wind
hopefully learning why the sea on the tide ♪ ♪ has no way of turning more than this you know there's nothing ♪ ♪ more than this tell me one thing more than this ♪ ♪ ooh there's nothing ♪ ♪ it was fun for a while there was no way of knowing like a dream in the night ♪ ♪ who can say where we're going no care in the world
i'm morgan, and there's more to me than hiv. more love, more adventure, more community. but with my hiv treatment, there's not more medicines in my pill. i talked to my doctor and switched to fewer medicines with dovato. dovato is for some adults who are starting hiv-1 treatment or replacing their current hiv-1 regimen. with just 2 medicines in 1 pill, dovato is as effective as a 3-drug regimen... to help you reach and stay undetectable. research shows people who take hiv treatment as prescribed and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. don't take dovato if you're allergic to its ingredients or if you take dofetilide. taking dovato with dofetilide can cause serious or life-threatening side effects. hepatitis b can become harder to treat while on dovato. don't stop dovato without talking to your doctor, as your hepatitis b may worsen or become life-threatening.
serious or life-threatening side effects can occur, including allergic reactions, lactic acid buildup, and liver problems. if you have a rash and other symptoms of an allergic reaction, stop dovato and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have kidney or liver problems, or if you are, may be, or plan to be pregnant. dovato may harm your unborn baby. use effective birth control while on dovato. do not breastfeed while taking dovato. most common side effects are headache, nausea, diarrhea, trouble sleeping, tiredness, and anxiety. so much goes into who i am. hiv medicine is one part of it. ask your doctor about dovato-i did. ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank billy crystal and local natives. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. tomorrow night, ken jeong, maya erskine, and anna konkle. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, and don't forget to reposition your elf. goodnight.
this is "nightline." >> tonight, deadly shooting. >> they're requesting medical assistance, multiple ambulances if possible. >> a teenager bringing a gun to his michigan high school. >> they didn't deserve to die tonight. >> police say the gunman opening fire on students and teachers. >> this is every parent's worst nightmare. plus, under oath. former new york governor andrew cuomo answering the accusations. >> have you ever had an inappropriate relationship with women on your staff? >> the answer is no. >> the woman at the center of the criminal complaint. >> i remember his hand just sliding right up my blouse. >> tonight the bombshell news about his brother's future at cnn.