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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 14, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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ama: thanks for joining us. dan: innocence finance from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- rupaul. drew michael. and mark rober. and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thanks. very nice. hey, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. i have to say, you're all heroes for being here. [ cheers and applause ] true heroes. i'm trying to compliment you. the courage that it took to walk outside and see this wet, um --
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what do they call it? >> guillermo: rain? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: rain, yes. like in that song where it happens on your wedding day. rain on your heads and you came anyway. this is the day on which traditionally hundreds of thousands of los angelenes find out their contractor does shoddy roof work. [ laughter ] it actually rained a lot. we have a pretty great system here in southern california. the state catches on fire, then we put them out with flash floods. we call it the circle of death. [ laughter ] a while we joke about the rain and how crazy people go here when it comes, this morning it almost cost us a beloved national treasure. flavor flav was driving here from vegas today when his car got hit by a boulder. for real. tmz got the photograph. this is flavor flav's car. there's flava taking pictures of the car. [ laughter ] the rain shook a large rock loose. the rock rolled down a hill and onto flavor flav. it sounds like a nursery rhyme. [ laughter ] it's not, it happened.
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flavor flav is said to be physically fine but mentally shaken up. so exactly the same as he was before the incident. [ laughter ] police said that if the boulder had fallen just about two feet closer, it would have landed directly on his head. i'm glad it didn't. flavor flav is one of my best friends. did you know that? yeah, one of my top three best friends. imagine if it had? investigators would have no trouble establishing a time of death. "the victim was crushed at exactly 10:57 a.m. according to the crack in the full-sized wall clock he was wearing on his chest." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but thank god he wasn't. and we should all be grateful we still have flavor in our lives. speaking of grateful. last night, i got to go to the premiere of "spider-man: no way home." [ cheers and applause ] i took my son and a couple of nerds from the office. and i don't think it's in any way an overstatement to say that this is the greatest movie of all time. [ laughter ] i don't want to spoil anything. so i'll just leave it at that. guillermo, you have any questions you want to ask me about spider-man?
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>> guillermo: yeah, how come you didn't take me with you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, you told me you were going with your son on friday. >> guillermo: oh, yeah. i did, yeah. [ laughter ] sorry, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: we're learning much more about the orange goblin, donald trump -- [ laughter ] and what went down or more accurately did not go down on january 6th. you may remember, for three hours trump hung out saying nothing while a violent crowd attacked the capitol. he was watching from the white house. soaking it all in. liz cheney of wyoming last night shared a series of frantic text messages they uncovered that were sent that day to trump's chief of staff, mark meadows, from notable insiders. including his son, don jr. as the capitol was getting stormed, don jr. pleaded with mark meadows. he texted, he's got to condemn this asap, the capitol police tweet is not enough. another text, we need an oval office address, he has to lead now, it's gotten too far and
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gotten out of hand. and then this text, he said, dad, you have to stop this right now. he wrote back, "who is this?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] i never thought i'd say this. donald trump jr., a man who glues his beard to his face every morning, was right. the president did nothing for hours. as a result, people died. of course, don jr. has spent the last 11 months praising his father's lack of action. and eric, his son eric trump, did not send any texts at all. he did not text mark meadows, because in fairness he was stuck in a claw machine. [ laughter ] at a dave and busters in silver spring. there were a whole bunch of texts from freaked-out republicans trapped in the capitol, also texts from the gang at fox news. sean hannity, brian kilmeade, and laura ingraham all texted mark meadows, urging him to urge trump to stop the ensanity. insanity. gee, if only they had some sort of media outlet where they could have said that publicly.
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[ laughter ] and of course the right-wingers are furious with fellow republican liz cheney for doing the right thing. liz cheney is the vice chair of the house committee investigating this attack on our democracy. and listening to her read these texts aloud is as damning as it gets for donald trump and the fox news sycophants who suckle his flabby pink teats. >> quote, mark, the president needs to tell people in the capitol to go home. this is hurting all of us. he is destroying his legacy. laura ingram wrote. >> there was certainly a lot of violence that day, but it was not a terrorist attack. wasn't 9/11, wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to america, it wasn't an insurrection. >> can he make a statement, ask people to leave the capitol? sean hannity urged. >> why isn't liz cheney looking into the 500-plus riots that took place in cities across the country in 2020? >> please, get him on tv. destroying everything you have
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accomplished. brian kilmeade texted. >> why is it that every other network, if you took january 6th out of their rundown, they'd have a test pattern? this is all they cover. it's unbelievable. >> these text messages leave no doubt, the white house knew exactly what was happening here at the capitol. >> jimmy: well, good for liz cheney. [ cheers and applause ] and good for -- i have to say, i don't feel like -- if you're looking for some silver line, i don't think we give the fox news gang enough credit for their acting, it's really good. [ laughter ] meadows went on "hannity" last night, and lo and behold, they didn't mention the texts at all! isn't that something? that's quite an oversight. instead, they talked about how congress was voting to hold mark meadows in contempt and an email he sent on january 5th suggesting the national guard would be on hand to "protect pro-trump people" at the rally that ran amok. >> everyone condemned what happened in terms of the breach of the security on the capitol on january 6th. but what we also know is that
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president trump wanted to make sure that the people that came, that there was a safe environment for that, that kind of assembly. >> jimmy: you can see from the video playing right next to my head just what a safe environment we were able to establish. [ laughter ] in the race for america's next top donald trump, cases of covid are up across the country. but you know where they're up the most? that's right, florida. [ laughter ] covid is spreading in florida faster than any other state, which is interesting because just a couple of months ago, when covid numbers dipped, governor ron desantis put out a triumphant press release. "as a result of governor ron desantis' leadership and our data-driven approach free of mandates, the state of florida has one of the lowest covid-19 daily average case rates in the last seven days," exclamation point. okay. but now they're back on top. i checked the website. there's been no press release so far.
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they're probably busy with the covid cases. so we went ahead and made one for them. "florida reaches highest case rate in the nation. as a result of governor ron desantis' leadership and our fantasy-driven approach free of science, the state of florida has one of the highest covid-19 daily average case rates in the last seven days." go ahead and post this on twitter so you can send it around. for them, so they don't have to. [ applause ] they're dealing with a tremendous around of covid. toys "r" us is looking to return from the dead. earlier this year, toys "r" us closed all their stores. but later this month, they're planning to re-open one in east rutherford, new jersey. it will be the only toys "r" us in america -- [ applause ] >> did someone say toys "r" us is back? >> jimmy: it's jeffrey the giraffe, everybody, from toys "r" us, wow. [ applause ] welcome, geoffrey.
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ow ro what's up? what are you doing here? >> ever since we went out of business, i've been sleeping in the dumpster behind your studio. did i hear you say we're back? >> jimmy: yes! they announced they're opening a toys "r" us store in no one. that's exciting, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> why? what happened? did the internet stop working? >> jimmy: no. >> did amazon go back to only selling books? >> jimmy: no. they're selling stuff. >> did someone burn all the walmarts down? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, of course not. >> then why the hell are they opening a toys "r" us? >> jimmy: i don't know, but sounds like good news for you. you should be happy about this. >> i hope so. i need a job. i've been selling blood plasma to the san diego zoo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my god. well. you know what? you took care of, did what you had to do, now you can go back to doing what you do best. >> i can't go back to keestering cocaine on international
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flights! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. i'm not talking about that. i'm saying, bringing joy to children. >> children? i don't give a [ bleep ] about children. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, come on now. >> i just need some scratch. i'm sick of giving reach-arounds at furry conventions. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: geoffrey, just call toys "r" us, they've got a store in new jersey, maybe they'll hire you there. >> they won't hire me back. they'll never hire me back! >> jimmy: why not? >> two years ago, at the company christmas party, i got drunk and hooked up with the ceo's wife. >> jimmy: ah, geez. well, maybe he never found out? maybe he doesn't know? >> oh, he found out. when i got laid off, i kinda lashed out and sent him the pictures. >> jimmy: oh, wow, come on, geoffrey. >> yeah, see? take a look. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh.
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well, that is unfortunate. well, maybe you can get another job. there are a lot of openings nowadays. there's tons of jobs. >> not for someone with my name. >> jimmy: what's wrong with geoffrey? what's wrong with your name? >> not my first name. my last name. >> jimmy: what is your last name? >> epstein. >> jimmy: your name is geoffrey epstein? >> i know, right? what are the chances? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that is -- >> boo-hoo who! >> jimmy: maybe we'll find something for you to do around here. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> that would be great. >> jimmy: yeah. >> hey, your wife works here too, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know what? guillermo, show geoffrey epstein out. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i don't wanna grow up i'm a toys "r" us kid ♪ ♪ meet me at the dumpster if you want to buy weed ♪ >> guillermo: come on, let's go. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: geoffrey the giraffe. christmas is now only ten days away, and it can be difficult to find just the right gift, especially for the ultra-paranoid far-right conspiracy theorist in your life. and that's why i am so grateful to mike lindell, the mypillow man, who brought us so many laughs this year, and now, just in time for santa, he also brings us what promises to be the must-have maga toy of 2021. >> i filled you up real good. hello, i'm mike lindell, inventor of mypillow, with an exciting new invention just in time for the nonjewish holidays. the mike lindoll. it's soft and squishy and it can talk nonstop for 96 hours straight. just like me. i eat all my meals from vending machines! darn tooting. imagine the smiles on the kiddies' faces when they race to the living room to find these
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fellers under the tree. >> mike lindell is my favorite pillow man! >> mike lindell is my new dad! >> the liberal war on christmas is being funded by homosexual bitcoins! the deep state put a microchip up my toot chute! the mike lindoll comes complete with a miniature mypillow, his very own dominion machine, and a big tube of sniffing glue. every single doll is made right here in my home state of minnesota by hard-working, chubby white american hands. stuffed with a blend of our patented hypoallergenic filling and warm kurds of cheese. >> mike lindell says libs want to make me a transgender! >> they do. >> don't wait, order now. we made 10 million of these suckers. if we don't sell them soon, i'll be back behind the jamba juice fighting raccoons for food.
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mike lindoll comes with everything you see on your screen, and it can be yours for just three easy payments of $39.99. use promo code "happy b-de jesus" and receive extra tube of sniffing glue absolutely free. go to mikelindahlin biz today. it down right now but my 97 few is working on it. you're backing up the supply chain jam thank you very much! sorry for screaming at you, here, have some pillow cheese. act now and i'll throw in a lindefl on a shelf. >> available at walgreens. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break, but when we come back i am going to unveil the most powerful t-shirt cannon in all the world, so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. rupaul and drew michael are on the way, but first, saturday, as i hope you know, is a major event in the world of college football. the first-ever jimmy kimmel live l.a. bowl presented by steefel. [ cheers and applause ] i am very excited about this. i always assumed that if i had a bowl named after me, it would be at the poke place across the street. street street [ laughter ] so this is a big deal. and we wanted to make it not just special, not just entertaining, but also very dangerous. so we asked a very clever friend to build what we believe to be the world's most powerful t-shirt cannon, a monster
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capable of firing t-shirts untold distances. and by god, he built just that. ♪ ♪ >> it's almost christmas and this year there's only one thing i wanted, which was the world's most powerful t-shirt cannon. and so i called my friend santa claus, aka mark rober. you've probably seen his youtube channel. he is a former nasa engineer. much too qualified to be involved in nonsense like this. and you said, yeah, i think i can do that, right? >> yeah, this is right up my alley, jimmy. it was a challenge, and i feel like we delivered. >> jimmy: tell me about the cannon. >> we have a big air tank. took a golf cart. modified it. got a ten-foot cannon on there. there's a lot of power behind this thing. >> jimmy: i am very, very excited. so our goal is to shoot this 25
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stories up to little guillermo. can he hear us up there? guillermo! let me see if i can reach him the old-fashioned way. guillermo, can you hear me? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy! what's cooking? >> jimmy: we're getting ready to shoot a t-shirt at you. >> guillermo: i'm ready! >> jimmy: how you doing? >> guillermo: fantastic, jimmy! >> jimmy: how's your son? >> guillermo: he's doing great! he's going to tae kwon do later on. >> jimmy: that's great what does he want for -- never mind, all right. let's get to this, shall we? >> let's domy: let's s it. bring in the canno ♪ ♪ oh, wow. >> this, jimmy, is a t-shirt cannon. >> jimmy: no kidding around, huh? oh, it's beautiful. >> yes. >> jimmy: does she have a name? >> no. can you help christen one for us? >> jimmy: let's see. let's call her -- we have to
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have something powerful. >> powerful yet refined. >> jimmy: like viola davis. [ applause ] let's call this viola davis. how powerful is viola? >> pretty powerful. >> jimmy: like if this thing were to fire into that video screen what would happen? >> like, we could reach -- we think from this end zone, we would go out of the stadium through that opening at full power. >> jimmy: you tested it outside, right? >> outside, yeah. >> jimmy: can we see that? >> yeah, yeah you want to see it? yeah. three, two, one! oh my gosh. it's like baghdad. i feel like wolf blitzer should be reporting on this. how far did it go? >> that's like three football field, like 1,000 feet, and 45 stories tall at the apex. >> jimmy: we should hit guillermo no problem. >> yeah, yeah.
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we should -- yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it possible that this will go through him? because i don't want to kill him. guillermo! >> guillermo: yes? >> jimmy: possibility that this might kill you! >> guillermo: oh [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, so we have to load this thing? >> let's load it. >> jimmy: let's load it up. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: are you nervous, guillermo? >> guillermo: jimmy, something happened! i can't find my family! >> jimmy: does that mean i get to have sex with your wife? >> guillermo: yeah, sure, whatever you want! >> jimmy: then deal. let's count down. , four, three, two, one --
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wow! [ applause ] >> jimmy: can we adjust a little? >> yeah. >> jimmy: try to hit him? >> a little bit left. we can try a little more power. >> jimmy: a little more power? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪ ♪ >> three, two, one! >> guillermo: is that all you got, kimmel? >> jimmy: he's getting cocky. we've got to knock that moustache right off his head. >> three, two, one! >> jimmy: oh, wow. that was a curveball. oh, there it is! >> i think we hit top row. just a little to the left. >> jimmy: you know what? for rehearsal, that's close enough. >> all right. >> jimmy: let's do this for real on saturday. >> okay. >> jimmy: thank you, mark rober. >> you got it. >> jimmy: for making my dream come true. >> and mine.
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>> guillermo: i got it! yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to mark rober. you can see the cannon in action saturday when utah state faces off against oregon state in the jimmy kimmel l.a. bowl. we're going to have both teams on separate nights, of course, - we don't want any trouble. we'll be right back with rupaul! >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by groupon. download the app to discover thousands of fun and gift-able experiences. [ best of my love by black pumas feat. sofia reyes ]
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome back to the show. tonight, his new stand-up special "red blue green" is on hbo max. drew michael is with us. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, ben affleck and jay ellis with music from the record company. and on thursday, neil patrick harris, daniel rain fair -- remember that one who was cursing on the show? remember that? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: he's the star of george clooney's new movie. >> guillermo: wow. >> jimmy: and music from ed sheeran and elton john, that ain't bad at all. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight has a twinkle in his eye, a sashay in his stride, and eleven emmy awards in the bottom of his wig box. on january 7th, "rupaul's drag race" starts season 14 on vh1. please welcome rupaul. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: very good to see you. >> it's good to be back home at "jimmy kimmel live." >> jimmy: it is kind of like a home. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes, it is. we had so much fun when i got to sit in for you. >> jimmy: you were kind enough to guest host the show for me two times this summer. >> yes. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: i have to tell you a couple things. first of all, my staff loves you. they talk about you all the time. and i feel like it's like a weird little dig at me all the time. [ laughter ] one of our producers aaron's like, yeah, and he asked me so many questions about my life. [ laughter ] and believe me, i understood what that meant. [ laughter ] and also, you had fun with them. which i never, ever do. [ laughter ] >> no, come on, you guys have fun. that's why it was so easy for me. you've set up a situation here with the writers and the --
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everyone who works here loves this shop, they love you. and it's all a tribute to you. >> jimmy: i think they love you more. [ cheers and applause ] >> i had so much fun. honestly, it was honestly one of the highlights of my year. >> jimmy: oh, great. >> absolutely, yes. >> jimmy: it was for us, too. in fact, i got a call after you were here, it was like, we at the meetings!rades with him - [ laughter ] >> yes, my favorite thing to do. >> jimmy: i've heard you do this. >> unfortunately on television you can't do too much. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> there are some clean ones. but basically it's like charades, and you take any title, and you just change one word and you cannot change the syllables. the movie "shampoo" too be "shampoop." >> jimmy: right. >> it could never be "shampooper." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: gotcha. >> it changes the syllables. >> jimmy: it makes it too difficult. >> no, you don't want to change the syllables. >> jimmy: you did this and everybody had fun at work for the first time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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i have to tell you something, i had to take a couple of the guys to see spider-man last night to win them back. [ laughter ] >> really? i know a couple of the writers, i asked them, what's the thing with spider-man? i get superman, i get wonder woman, i've never gotten spider-man. >> jimmy: why? >> you know, i think because i'm gay. [ laughter ] i think that's probably it. i think that's probably it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: why would you get superman, though? >> superman is really the story of christ. it's the story of an ascendant master. honestly, it is. it is the story of the hero with a thousand faces. joseph campbell the philosopher talks about this. superman represents the hidden specialness, uniqueness, that each of us has. >> jimmy: imagine jesus leaping tall buildings in a single bound. [ laughter ] jesus with x-ray vision. that would be something. [ laughter ] >> what is the thing with spider-man? i don't understand -- >> jimmy: can i tell you for real? >> the hidden meaning behind it.
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>> jimmy: here's what it is. spider-man's a kid. a kid reading comic books, all the other guys are men. >> right. >> jimmy: even spider-man is not a man, he's a little boy, he's a young kid. so it makes you feel like you could be a superhero too. >> i see. >> jimmy: and he's funny. which none of the other superheroes were before him. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: he seems real, whereas clark kent's wearing the glasses and no one recognizes him. [ laughter ] even as a child you go, nonsense. >> yeah. the thing is that clark kent is hot. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] smoking hot. that's the thing. >> jimmy: that's true. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is true, that's a different way of looking at it. but you're right. >> right, yes. >> jimmy: do you celebrate christmas? is it a big thing for you? >> i love christmas. in fact, i have -- i think three or four christmas albums. [ cheers ] a song on the charts now called "hey, sis, it's christmas." [ laughter ] then i had four christmas specials in my career.
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>> jimmy: uh-huh? >> but i don't buy christmas gifts. i buy gifts all year long, but i won't buy them at christmas time because it's too much pressure. if i see something -- >> jimmy: i get that. >> if i see something, this is so jimmy, i'll get it and give to it you, but never at christmas. >> jimmy: it's like an avalanche. you have to get for that day. some people are going to get something that's very thoughtful, some people are going to get something like, yeah, he'll take one of those. >> yes, yeah. although i did bring gifts for everyone in the audience. >> jimmy: you did? [ cheers and applause ] >> i did, for real. yeah. >> jimmy: what did you bring? >> i brought everyone a candy bar, a rupaul chocolate bar. [ cheers and applause ] yes, yes. it is an integral part of season 14 "drag race." we have this sort of willy wonka storyline going on in season 14 where the queen -- i don't know if i should tell -- i probably shouldn't tell this story. >> jimmy: you don't want to ruin the ending. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, yeah. i won't.
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>> jimmy: it's willy wonka themed, people are eating chocolate. >> yes. >> jimmy: does a chubby kitchen pushed into the chat lan river and sucked into a tube? >> that's it! >> jimmy: i figured it out. you have a christmas movie out? >> it's called "the bitch who stole christmas." [ cheers and applause ] guess who plays the bitch? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does the bitch's heart grow three sizes at the end of the deal? >> yes, as much as my black heart can stand. [ laughter ] i do at the end -- i do become, you know, loving and -- because i actually -- i have a daughter who i discover. well, no. she discovers that i'm her mother. it's a lot. [ laughter ] you've got to watch the movie. >> jimmy: this is a christmas item that you've posted about on social media. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now, this is an unlicensed item,
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i assume? >> yes, it is an unlicensed item that they made a lot of money on this. and i had a cease and desist immediately. >> jimmy: you did? >> yes. >> jimmy: but you posted about it, which means you probably sold like a billion more of them. >> probably, probably. but i couldn't not post about it because it's so awful. [ laughter ] it is so hideous. >> jimmy: it is pretty crazy looking. >> it's rotten. >> jimmy: yeah. >> rotten. >> jimmy: how did you find out about this? >> it was all over the internet. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was all over and people were buying them. in fact, trixie, one of the queens -- >> jimmy: matell, right. >> matell, thank you. she posted she bought 12 of them. i wrote her, "catch you outside, bitch." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: interesting that someone whose very last name is
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matell would be buying unlicensed toys. [ laughter ] you'd think the family background, she'd know b.e.t. than that. >> i don't know. these queens. after they get on our show, they become so famous. trixie matell is so rich now. she's got tv specials and a.m. bums. >> jimmy: ornaments? >> and ornaments. >> jimmy: you've created quite a platform for a lot of people. it's pretty great, isn't it? >> it is great. i love the fact that these queens -- i don't know how many they are at this point -- but they're all out there working, and they're spreading love. few stds, probably. [ laughter and applause ] but you know, that's -- there's an ointment that will clear that up, right. >> jimmy: it's all love. >> i love that they're out there working and doing their thing. the festive holiday spirit, gin- thank you for bringing the audience chocolate, nobody does that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "rupaul's drag race" season 14 premieres january 7th on vh1. rupaul, everybody. we'll be back with drew michael.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ rated teen. liam wrote “vr is useless until multiplayer is a thing.” well liam, what do you call this? and this? go! go! go! and this? liam is the worst.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. drew michael is coming up, but first, this friday, december 17th, is the first ever groupon day. groupon, if you don't know, is a great way to gift any of thousands of exciting experiences to your family and friends even at a moment's notice. >> hi, guillermo. it's been such a pleasure working with you this year.
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i just wanted to say merry christmas. >> guillermo: thanks becky. i got something for you too. >> you got me a hot air balloon ride from group on? how did you know i always wanted to try that? >> guillermo: i could see it in your eyes. >> thank you. >> 18 holes of golf? >> i love bungee jumping! >> zoo tickets. i haven't been to the zoo since my family got attacked by that kodiak bear. how thoughtful! >> guillermo: oh, you too? enjoy your guitar lessons. [ laughter ] >> announcer: groupon day is december 16th. enjoy tons of amazing groupon experiences. shop the app to find thousands of unforgettable experiences to gift this season, no shipping required. ♪ ♪ ♪ olive: wait wait wait!
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♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back to our show. our next guest is a funny man who dropped out of engineering school twice to pursue a degree in stand-up comedy. his new special "red blue green"
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is on hbo max now. please say hello to drew michael. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's very good to have you here. >> thank you for having me. thank you for mentioning my failed collegiate endeavors. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't see it as a failure, i see it as a step forward. >> it was a step back -- >> jimmy: then a step? >> then a step forward, yeah. >> jimmy: that's how all the good dances work, you know. >> exactly. thank you for having me. this is my first time on late-night television. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow, i love that. how does it feel? >> i feel good about it. the only thing i have a hearing loss that i've had since i was a kid, so there is a little bit, i hope i can hear what you say. >> jimmy: i won't say anything great anyway.
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[ laughter ] this is something you've always dealt with? >> yeah. >> jimmy: has the pandemic been a problem, the masks? >> yeah. since i was 3, and one of my adaptive measures, i read lips. i look people in the mouth. so the last year and a half has been not fun. >> jimmy: i bet, i bet. i have a hard time now even understanding what people are saying because i can't see their face. >> yeah, everyone is kenny from "south park." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do those plastic -- the masks that they wear -- >> the see-through? yes, so they have a see-through mouth mask. which -- have you seen it? >> jimmy: yes, it gets steamy. >> it's the creepiest looking thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is. >> anyone who's willing to wear something that creepy-looking, i don't need to hear what they're saying. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that makes sense. >> i don't need to know. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's been a tough year, i think, but "the new york times" gave you quite a review. they said, this is one of the best stand-up specials i've seen
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in years. [ cheers and applause ] that has to make you feel pretty good. >> thank you. and you almost blew it all being an engineer, now a nice comment like that from "the new york times." >> yeah. that was my thing. when i left school, i was like, 15 years from now the "times" will love me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: getting a sentence like that has to be great for -- like your parents, for instance, they must look at that and say, yes, our kid has made it. no? >> yeah, well -- you know, i have my parents to thank. >> jimmy: yeah. >> for what i do now. if they had stayed together, i probably would have stayed at engineering. [ laughter ] my parents of just divorced enough for me to pursue showbiz. >> jimmy: this is your second special, right? >> this is my second sperl, yeah, my second hour-long special, yes. >> jimmy: how is this one different from the first? obviously different material. >> yeah. so it's a whole new hour of
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material. the first special i did in front of no audience. this was actually before covid. [ laughter ] you look at it now, oh, it's a covid special. no, no, this was a year and a half before it. [ laughter ] i'm not some bandwagoner. so this one is in front of people, you know -- it's a little bit more traditional. but with the spin on it. i directed this one. >> jimmy: yeah, you directed it. [ applause ] what led you to that? did you not get along with the guy who directed the first one, or how did it go? >> no, i we get along fine. it's something that felt right. i felt like i wanted to put my own stamp on it, my own look on it. i put on the director's hat. i mean, it's almost unfair of me to say -- i had a lot of help, obviously. i'm on stage, so i need people to calm the cameras while i'm up there. my director of photography, andrew wade, is an incredibly talented man, super, super
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helpful. [ applause ] yeah, give it up for andrew wade! >> jimmy: a big andrew wade -- i don't know if oar aware of this, andrew had a book signing right across the street. [ laughter ] about his camera shots. and some of the gang came in. just happened in here. wow, what the hell? who would ever guess they'd mention him, right? [ laugh the cheers ] i like to punish my audience for being supportive. >> i thought they were here for rupaul, but they're here for andrew wade. >> jimmy: they're here for rupaul and for andrew wade. where did you shoot the special? >> the special was shot in chicago. we kind of created our own location, more or less. it was in the north side of chicago. i'm from the suburbs of chicago. it was nice to be back home. >> jimmy: did that -- is that a situation where you invite your friends and your family to come to the show? or is it too weird to hav people that are close to you that maybe are not going to respond? >> they're allowed to come. they're invited to come. they're not allowed to sit where i can see them.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: interesting. talking about sex, i don't want to look, oh, there's my dad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys don't talk about that sort of thing in your home? >> we -- yeah. well, you know -- how much do you want to know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i -- yeah, i wonder. at my house, we talk about it in a joking manner. but it's never anything real. and my parents never sat me down and said, here are the facts of life. i actually learned it from our band leader, cleto. [ cheers and applause ] and that, by the way, is not a joke. [ laughter ] >> maybe i need to talk to him as well. i got the talk. i got basically what not to do by just watching them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's leading my example in some way. >> yes, yeah. >> jimmy: you are not very active on social media. are you on social media? >> yes. so i deleted facebook a few years ago. i deleted twitter at the beginning of the pandemic because i was like, this is not going to be something that's
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going to be helpful. because, you know, twitter -- twitter is full of, like, people on twitter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. all of them. >> you know what i mean? everyone on twitter is someone who uses twitter. [ laughter ] it's just -- so there's like this inherent insanity baked into the medium. so i can't -- it's the same reason i can't trust yelp. >> jimmy: you don't trust yelp? >> i want to. it seems like a helpful resource. any time i read a review i'm like, but this person wrote a yelp review. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. >> somebody who wrote a book report on glazed carrots. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you see that from time to time. >> yeah. so deleted twitter. i have instagram because i'm stupid. i'm a dumb person. i'm still on instagram. >> jimmy: instagram is supposedly pictures -- is that the only one you trust? >> instagram is the only one that i am -- i don't like it. it's hell. the only -- actually, so i will say the only social media site
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that i like is venmo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? [ cheers and applause ] why the venmo? >> andrew wade and venmo fans in the house. so i like venmo because -- so convenient know's a money-transfer app, which you know. what not everybody knows is if you tab over, you can see a feed of all your friends and contacts' financial transactions, which should be illegal, but it's there. [ laughter ] and i like venmo because it's honest. it's the only honest social media site out there. every other social media site, are you projecting a version of yourself you wish you were onto the canvas, it makes you feel bad. instagram makes you feel bad because you're aware of your own preoccupations and fears and insecurities. you don't see that on there. but venmo is the antidote to the [ bleep ] of instagram. instagram makes you feel bad, you go see a picture of a couple, they're all like -- whatever. and they're on a beach.
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looking at a sunset. maybe they're eating a pizza. you look at that, [ bleep ] me. [ laughter ] what is going on? what is going on with me? how come i'm not doing that? >> jimmy: right. >> is there something wrong with me? is there a hole here that everybody can see? do i emanate darkness? do i repel love? is there a limit to my emotional aptitude? did my father's genetics set that limit? do i need to go back to anti-depressants? what is going on in my life that is not leading me to that type of bliss? then you look at venmo, oh, no, dude, they split that pizza. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you are just fine. >> jimmy: drew michael, his special is called "red blue green." watch it on hbo max. thank you, drew. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back!
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. >> jimmy: i want to thank rupaul, drmark rober. apologies to matt damon. his much better half, ben affleck, will be here tomorrow. i want to thank drew michael.
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his special "red blue green" will be on hbo max. i know we don't say it much, but guillermo and i are proud of you, good night. tonight, finding solace in the rubble. >> beyond blessed we have our lives, we came out, we were not hurt. >> reporter: dawson, kentucky, with people who lost everything. >> our house is completely gone, it's down to the birth. >> reporter: except their spirit. what we're learning about resilience. >> we're okay. and that's all that matters. it doesn't matter what we walk outside and see. we're alive. and we're okay. >> reporter: and the chicago sisters working to give back to their beloved hometown. in its time of need. this special edition of "nightline," "heartbreak and hope," will be right back.
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