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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 4, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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appreciate your time. right now on jimmy kimmel, kristen bell. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kristen bell and ike barinholtz. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome. very nice. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. wow, you came on a taco tuesday. that is very, very kind. i think i speak for a lot of us when i say we look forward to a return to "normal." the way things were, even five years ago. not so long ago.
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and in some ways, we are getting back to normal. for instance -- after three consecutive years of going down, the number of shark attacks this year is up. [ laughter ] there were 73 shark attacks in 2021. up from 57 in 2020. 11 the attacks resulted in fatalities. 9 were classified as unprovoked. what does that mean, unprovoked? [ laughter ] the other two had it coming? the numbers were lower in 2020 because everyone was in quarantine. nobody was at the beach and sharks rarely attack people on the couch. [ laughter ] but i have to say, i don't blame the sharks. we humans have never been more delicious. we've been eating inside for three years, curing in our own juices. [ laughter ] developing pockets of fat like an expensive salami. [ laughter ] and they're hungry. and we may be inside for even longer thanks to a new, new strain of covid that has arrived in the united states. from great britain.
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it's called omicron b.a.2. as in, you're not going to b-a-ble to do anything fun for another eight months. [ laughter ] omicron is now reinventing itself. it's like madonna. soon, it'll have a british accent and be covered in henna tattoos. [ laughter ] here in l.a. county, they released the number of reported instances of covid at various sites around town. they were very specific. they cited 33 cases of covid at the beverly hills hotel. 23 at the beverly hilton. the four seasons hotel had 78. craig's restaurant had 22. the arena where the lakers and clippers play, 246. erewhon, the natural foods market, had 66 cases. if you live here, you know that makes sense. all those super-healthy unvaxxed yoga moms sucking up the covid along with their kale chips and kombucha. [ laughter ] the hollywood roosevelt, which is just down the block from us, had 20 cases. trader joe's had 114. whole foods 254. and then there were some non-commercial spots. kirstie alley's panic room, 94. [ laughter ] jon voight's racquetball court, 35. [ laughter ]
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the back seat of the uber scott baio drives had 47. [ laughter ] and the bevmo! by rob schneider's house, 119. [ laughter ] you know those masks that joe biden promised? well, they are now also available for pickup at pharmacies around the country. i guess you go in and say, i'd like a mask. well, you can't come in here without a mask. [ laughter ] then i don't know what happens. the masks come with a qr code that gives instructions on how to put the masks on and take the masks off. and let me just say with 100% certainty that there's not a single person in america who knows how to use a qr code, but doesn't know how to put a mask on or take it off. [ applause ] that is really odd. but it is nice to see us finally getting around to doing the things that should've been done two years ago. meanwhile, the unfortunate punching bag when it comes to covid continues to be dr. anthony fauci. the other day, the "new york post" called out dr. fauci. they're looking for anything they can sink their little teeth into.
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they posted a bunch of tweets calling fauci a narcissist. this is what they do when they want to say something but they don't want to say it, they post tweets that say it. because fauci has a self-portrait and a bobblehead of himself are himself in his office at home. which is interesting. because if having a bunch of pictures and bobbleheads of yourself makes you a narcissist, then buckle up, "new york post." because you are not going to like what we found out about this guy. [ laughter and applause ] i mean, look at this. he's got donalds everywhere. [ laughter ] here he is right before he ate that baby. three bobblehead dolls. [ laughter ] and like father, like son, here's little eric's office with multiple trump family bobbleheads. trump received an honorary black belt in taekwondo because why not? he has a very sad little sculpture in which his head has been added to mount rushmore. [ laughter ] but dr. fauci, that's the narcissist. that's the guy. [ laughter ]
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you know who also is very full of himself? take a look inside this office. that's my office, okay? [ laughter and applause ] that is a sick individual. i mean, who would have that many -- here's the thing. when somebody sends you a bobblehead of yourself, what are you supposed to do, throw it out? a witch could find it and stick it with needles like a voodoo doll. [ laughter ] speaking of bobbleheads, this is interesting. axios put out a list of the most talked about politicians online, people that get the most discussion. and you would assume trump would be number one, right? not right. you know who was at the top? ted cruz. ted cruz has the most social media interactions. i think that's because no one wants to interact with him in person. [ laughter ] this is the list. ted cruz at the top followed by aoc, marjorie taylor greene, rashida tlaib, ron desantis are nancy pelosi, then donald trump. good thing trump doesn't care about polls and ratings and publicity and stuff like that. [ laughter ] he's six spots behind ted cruz! six spots behind a snowman made of mayonnaise. [ laughter ]
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they seem to have run out of stuff to yell about at fox news. laura ingraham took a break from her usual venom last night to weigh in on comedy. specifically, laura wasn't too wild about kate mckinnon's impression of her on "saturday night live" over the weekend. so she turned to an expert in the field for his thoughts. >> but i don't talk like that governor, do i? >> no, you don't. you know, the interesting thing about it, kate mckinnon is an incredibly talented and amazing comedian actress, i'll give her that. >> you bet. >> i don't care how good the singer is, you've got to give her a song. and the problem was the comedy writers who wrote that sketch just weren't on the game. "saturday night live" could be funny, but it isn't. >> jimmy: and who better to critique the art of joke-writing than the trinity broadcasting network's most hilarious talk show host? >> steve said he made the giant hairball for the love of his kids and future grandkids. so i guess now it's going to be a family "hair-loom." see what i did there? >> i love it.
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>> jimmy: not just the joke, the delivery is great. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wonder what mike would think of this? this is a story from texas. from a walmart in texas. where a woman tried to buy something that as far as i know, even walmart doesn't sell. >> a texas woman accused of trying to buy another woman's child. >> court documents say rebecca lynnette taylor offered a mother $250,000 for her 1-year-old boy. commenting in particular on his blue eyes and blond hair. the boy's mother says she laughed it off inside the walmart store in crockett, but that taylor persisted, following her into the parking lot, raising the offer to $500,000, and finally getting angry when she was rejected. taylor denies the accusations. >> jimmy: of course she does. [ laughter ] for that much money, she could have bought 30 kids at costco. [ laughter ] i feel like my parents, had they been offered half a million dollars in a parking lot, would have sold me and thrown my brother and sister in for free.
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[ laughter and applause ] rebecca lynnette was charged with sale or purchase of a child, which is a third-degree felony. they followed a trail of breadcrumbs to her house. i didn't even know there was a law preventing parents from buying or selling their kids, it didn't seem necessary. but i guess it makes sense. if it was legal to sell a kid, donald trump jr. would have been gone a long time ago. [ laughter ] it's time now for -- this is something new. we're going to go outside and play a new twist on an old and beloved game. it's time to play "celebrity hide-and-seek!" [ cheers and applause ] i can explain this, but i feel it's pretty self-explanatory. next door to our theater, if you have a chance to visit this beautiful neighborhood, you'll find right next door a store called the hollywoodland xperience. it's filled with all the high-quality hollywood-style gifts your family back home could possibly desire.
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it's what makes this country the envy of the world. and right now they have two extra-special items in their inventory. tonight we will attempt -- actually, one eagle-eyed pedestrian will attempt to find these items, which happen to be human beings. my cousin sal is outside the store now. sal, who do we have there? >> sal: i'd like you to meet julia. watch this. what's your name? >> hi, i'm julia. >> sal: see? >> jimmy: where are you from? >> from rhode island. >> jimmy: you're here on vacation? >> i actually just moved here. >> jimmy: you did, why did you move here? >> to move out of my parents' house. >> jimmy: did they ask you to leave or you felt compelled? >> both. >> jimmy: what are you planning to do out here? >> so i'm actually -- have my east coast job still. so i'm working remote. and done at 2:00 p.m. every day. so i'm kind of exploring around. >> jimmy: you picked the right place to do that. >> i did. >> jimmy: that's for sure. have you met any homeless spider-men? >> no.
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>> sal: we'll get you one after. >> jimmy: for sure. when is the last time you played hide-and-seek? >> last time i babysat. >> jimmy: okay. have you ever met a celebrity before? >> gronk. >> jimmy: oh, rob gronkowski. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you meet him in a cave or something? >> no. >> sal: playing hide-and-seek, you were babysitting him, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: all right. hidden in the store behind you are our guests tonight, kristen bell and ike barinholtz. do you know kristen and ike? >> yeah, i know kristen. >> jimmy: okay, all right. well, the other guy, the other person, will be ike. okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. show pictures. yes, okay. >> he does look familiar. >> jimmy: okay, good, great. >> sal: do you want to keep these for reference? forget it -- >> jimmy: hang on no those pictures. your mission is, and we're going
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to start right now, find kristen and ike as quickly as you can, all right? >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, go get 'em, julia. cousin sal will follow along. i'm going to tell you, julia, that, you know -- we're not -- this is not going to be easy, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. >> sal: oh-oh, what's this? oh, oh! >> jimmy: see that? that's half a person, that's not even a real person. we tricked you on that one, julia. wow, this store's bigger than rhode island, huh? >> sal: it says "no celebrities in here." >> jimmy: we did put a sign there, you're not paying attention. all right? you're getting -- i don't know if you're getting -- i have no idea where they are. you may be getting warmer. we just don't know. >> okay. >> jimmy: okay? >> sal: wow. >> is this one of them? >> jimmy: ike barinholtz, that's right! [ cheers and applause ] >> for "the mindy project."
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for "neighbors 2." >> jimmy: i'm sorry -- >> find a person who might know who i am. >> i didn't recognize you. >> i'm going to help you anyway. >> sal: scared the [ bleep ] out of me and i knew he was there. [ laughter ] all right, hold on. >> jimmy: you're recognizing ike now, julia? >> yeah. it's all coming back to me now. >> jimmy: it's coming back, great. >> cool, i've been in there for nine hours. no food, no water. there's a small cup with urine in it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: take a look over there. let's see. don't miss anything. oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> what are you drinking? >> guillermo: drinking my margarita. don't tell jimmy i'm here. close the door, please. >> jimmy: taco bell. all right, keep looking. that was not the celebrity. that was a celebrity, of course, everybody's favorite security guard.
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oh, and look at this. look at -- oh, wow. there's a kristen bell stand-up doll there. is there a kristen bell amongst it? kristen, by the way, could be in any of that luggage also. [ laughter ] ana, yeah -- don't open every one of those things. thank you, cousin sal. >> you can take any of these you want back to rhode island. >> thank you. >> jimmy: keep looking, julia, we don't have the whole night. >> sorry. >> jimmy: "nightline's" going to come on eventually. and -- all right. oh -- don't say anything. that's just a guy. >> what happened to you, kristen? >> jimmy: all right. julie, you are now getting warmer, yes. >> okay, we're close, we're close. >> jimmy: getting warner.
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>> i'm keeping this hat, it says "slytherin." >> jimmy: you may be colder now, julia, you're getting colder. uh-huh, yes. oh, nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> it was cramped in there. >> jimmy: sorry, kristen. how long were you in there, kristen? >> a bit. i didn't have a watch, so i have no idea. >> jimmy: kristen, you mind closing that wall up right there? and let's -- let's see if julia has a -- if there's a license plate for julia on that wall. do you see your name? >> close. >> jimmy: close enough, julie, yeah. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> congratulations. >> jimmy: there you go. all right, it's great. thank you, ike. thank you, kristen. come next door, okay? we have the rest of the show to do. >> yeah. >> jimmy: julia, thank you very much. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there it was, "celebrity hide-and-seek." we'll be back with kristen bell!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. tonight, from the new show "the afterparty" on apple tv plus, the always delightful ike barinholtz is with us. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, charlie day and colman domingo, with music from ian dior featuring travis barker. and on thursday night, johnny knoxville, meredith hagner and music from the walters. please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is a compact bundle of bliss you know from more movies and tv shows than i have the time or energy to list. her newest rolls right off the
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tongue, it's called "the woman in the house across the street from the girl in the window." [ laughter ] it premieres friday on netflix. please welcome kristen bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks for not only coming to the show but also getting into a souvenir stand, which is nice of you. >> happily, i've been wanting to do that all day. when you called, this is perfect. do i still have a big line on my forehead? >> jimmy: the line is gone. you're wearing a different red outfit. >> it's a red story today. [ laughter ] it's really more of an experience. >> jimmy: how are you doing? how's the family, how's everybody? >> i'm great. everyone's been good. i feel like in this time that we've slowed down, you know, you're thinking about yourself. i've been doing a lot of health and wellness stuff. guess what i did. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> i got my first elective colonoscopy.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. elective as opposed to forcible? >> yeah, because you're supposed to get them at 50. if you have a family history, 45. write this down, you guys. >> jimmy: yeah, no, i think you're supposed to get them at 45 regardless now, they say. >> okay, 45 regardless. i am 41. i was like, get in there! [ laughter ] let's see what we got! okay, the prep? the prep was a whole thing i did not even -- >> jimmy: hold it, can i take a step back? [ laughter ] has anyone -- when you told the doctors, has anyone ever asked to have a colonoscopy earlier than the day they have to? >> i didn't ask. i'm not comparing myself to other patients. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> i'm looking out for number one. [ laughter ] and i was like, do you want to get in here? >> jimmy: seems like you might be looking for number two. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: asleep back there. >> at the doctor's office, i had my 8-year-old in tow. she was sitting there, we're
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getting like the paperwork or whatever. and she looks up at my doctor, with this like sly look, because you can only see her eyes through the mask. she said, "are you the doctor who's going on my mom's butt?" [ laughter ] and he was like, "yes, yes, i am." then he said, "anything i should look for when i'm up there?" and she goes, "the rubber nut." because we say "up your butt with a rubber nut" a lot in our household, if you're missing something. >> jimmy: is that a thing? or did you make that up? i remember "up your nose with a rubber hose." i don't remember "up your butt with a rubber nut." [ laughter ] >> it's a thing in our household. it's like, where are my shoes? i don't know, up your butt with a rubber nut. we say it a lot. that's what she said to the doctor, it was great. the procedure went very well. >> jimmy: everything is shiny and everything? >> everything is a-okay. a-plus, they said. aced it. >> jimmy: i'm glad to hear that. >> apparently while i was drowsy and droopy from the anesthesia,
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i told the nursing staff i was going to teach them how to play spades. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the card game? >> yes, we played spades two years straight and apparently it's all i think about. even when i'm under. >> jimmy: while you're unconscious. are you going to teach them? >> i might, i don't know. >> jimmy: did they want to know? >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: your husband dax, one thing i know is he's not big on going to the doctor. this seems like he would -- >> he likes to do everything himself. you and i know that. he's a diy'er when it comes to medical stuff. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dax is the good kind of do your own research guy. >> yeah. he's, you know, thinking that his eyesight is going. so rather than go to the eye doctor he thought, wouldn't it be great if i just bought an eye patch? so in the mornings when he's journalling, i look over, and there is a pirate in my bed. and he's wearing an eye patch to, what he says, train his other eye to be stronger. >> jimmy: that does work, i think. >> does it? [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: i don't know. >> i don't know. also, i'm sure he told you that he had the hiccups for like 59 hours. >> jimmy: yeah. is that true? really? was it really 59 hours? >> jimmy, it was -- >> jimmy: even during his sleep? >> yes. there were like 30-minute respites, then we'd both be laying there -- because i'm in the bed too, and he'd be like -- so loud, it was so loud. i had him shooting vinegar and eating different things, nothing helped. >> jimmy: you did all the things? >> every home remedy. didn't work. but he was on his way to the doctor. he knew this would happen. i've got to go to the doctor. on the ride, it stopped. >> jimmy: did he even finish going to the doctor? >> no, he would be embarrassed to go and say, i don't have a problem. the other thing he did the other day, remember the whole saga with his feet? that he had the most beautiful feet, he took his shoes off on your show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he got in a motorcycle accident, kind of squashed the big toe. >> jimmy: can i tell you something? i cried all night after. those feet were so beautiful. >> they were so gorgeous. but the toenail, remember, we found out maybe it's dead
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because we had gotten a pedicure, then seven months later he still had blue toenail polish, it was a whole thing. the other day i walk into the bathroom, he is attempting to dremel his toenail off. >> jimmy: dremel is a little craft tool? >> his wasn't, it was an industrial dremel you use for outside yard work. and i said, hi, bud. [ laughter ] can i at least switch this dremel for my nail dremel? i've got a nail dremel when i need to take off my acrylics. he said, oh, yeah, this will work so much better for the sides. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know you're headed for life with a crazy old man, right? >> he's so fun, jimmy. he's so wonderful. i don't care. >> jimmy: i'm glad you think that. >> who needs toenails in a partner? [ laughter ] when you're filling out a dating app, must have toenails! who cares? >> jimmy: in bed toenails are never a plus. >> agreed. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: the toenails are gone. >> they're out. >> jimmy: just the one or all of them? >> just the one. well, the other one got, like -- remember the other one got shortened? he had to have the surgery to take the knuckle out. and then it -- he didn't realize it was going to be shortened, so now his foot looks like this. nobody remembers this? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dax had a birthday, january 2nd. he's almost a new year's baby. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did you guys do this year? >> we went to the roller skating rink, as we usually do. but i think i really nailed his present this year. >> jimmy: you brought a photograph. >> i did. i really wanted to show you. so dax and his best friend, aaron weekly, have always gone to the grocery store to buy popcorn for movies. they're like, what's the best, butteriest one? ultimate butter, extreme butter! what is it? he wanted to come up with a brand called "dax's too much [ bleep ] butter movie theater popcorn." [ laughter ]
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so i called orville redenbacher and i asked them to make him a box, a case of "dax's too much [ bleep ] butter movie theater popcorn." and they did it, they printed it up. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is the result. wow, this is when you know you've got power. >> that's not a sticker, that is a printed box. >> jimmy: and did they change the popcorn itself? or is the popcorn as it was? >> i don't believe -- i don't know about the popcorn on the inside of the box. i was going for the visual. whatever's in there's in there. >> jimmy: orville redenbacher's dead, like you didn't bother him with this himself? [ laughter ] >> i don't know, if he does their social media, then yes, i was talking directly to him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: even if he were alive, i don't think he'd be in charge of social media. that's a nice gift. is he saving these or eating them? >> he's eating them. >> jimmy: does he have one up on the shelf? >> no, that reminds me we probably should save one. >> jimmy: for posterity. save one to put in the time capsule. >> bury it in the backyard. >> jimmy: when we come back, kristen's show is on netflix,
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"the woman in the house across the street from the girl in the window." more from kristen bell. [ cheers and applause ] with a side of tangy bbq... wait! what? this is... you're making the crunchy double? ooh yeah. this is a mcdonald's menu hack and those are the hands of a menu hacker! i can tell from the ring light. order the crunchy double by name. build it by hand. and hack the mcdonald's menu... like i'm about to. ♪ ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ one role of a sore throat. but she had enough. ♪ she took new mucinex instasoothe sore throat lozenges. show your sore throat who's boss. new mucinex instasoothe. works in seconds, lasts for hours.
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care coalition, it's so good to see you all! alright! let's brainstorm. any ideas for new members? i'd like to nominate alaska airlines. this neck pillow i'm dating says great things! a caring airline?! wait, those exist?! it says here they were the first airline to switch from plastic bottles to boxed water. they also hire a lot of people from caring professions. i'm seeing former teachers and nurses. it's settled! alaska airlines is officially in the running! round of applause!
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♪ who the hell are you? lisa mains. geez. love yourself much? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's kristen bell in "the woman in the house across the street from the girl in the window." was there any concern the title might already be taken? [ laughter ] >> you know what, i thought it might be the longest title ever, i got so excited. apparently there are two titles that are longer. but i really fought for this. when you put a show on a platform or a network, they want to it fit inside a box. you've got to be able to search it. and they wanted to shorten it and i said, we cannot. it was the hill i died on.
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it gives such a great, like -- it references -- >> jimmy: i agree with you 100%. everyone was delighted when they heard the name of the show. you don't get that from most shows. >> are you being serious? >> jimmy: of course i am. they laughed. >> right? yeah. i have yet to say it to someone who doesn't laugh. this is a weird show. it is a satirical, dark, comedic, psychological thriller. >> jimmy: but really a thriller? genuinely -- >> yeah, so we basically take -- you know this genre that's like "gone girl," "girl on a train," "woman in the floorboards," whatever. [ laughter ] they're written by women for women, they have fantasies with their murder. they drink wine, they mix it with pills, they see a murder, and the obligatory line, "i know what i saw! " [ laughter ] we thought, what if we poke fun at this? it starts off you think it's serious. as the suspense builds, so does the absurdity. >> jimmy: great idea.
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>> certain people will watch it and think it's a good thriller. my mom will watch this and absolutely not know it's a comedy. 100%. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it works on two levels. >> it really does. >> jimmy: are you a nosey neighbor in real life? >> because in the show i stare out the window all the time. no, i'm a pretty supportive neighbor. okay, the truth is, i seem supportive. but if i'm nosey, i keep it to myself. >> jimmy: okay. >> you know what i mean? >> jimmy: quietly nosey? >> i'm all over the nice. >> jimmy: you're not a but-in-ski. >> what's that? >> jimmy: somebody who butts in. >> you know but-in-ski but you don't know "up your butt with a rubber nut"? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: now we both know, we've learned. >> we've taught each other. i like to keep tabs but i am all over the next door app. >> jimmy: i'm also into the next door app. >> it's like the "real housewives of east l.a.," i love it. everyone's fighting. >> jimmy: you have a collection of your favorite posts from next door. >> i do.
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>> jimmy: you brought some with you here tonight. >> bless you guys. that's the whole post. >> jimmy: that's the post. [ laughter ] >> and this one kind of makes me sad. he did get a lot of grief for this. >> jimmy: yeah, he's on the wrong app. >> that's what everybody said. [ laughter ] that's what everybody said. >> jimmy: yeah. this one is -- a lot of the animal stuff. >> i'm not sure if this is an iguana. it definitely looks like someone's exotic pet. you think? it's on a car in the middle of los angeles. [ laughter ] yes, it's someone's pet, it got out. >> jimmy: escaped or set free. [ laughter ] >> how do you not want to know if there's an iguana on someone's car outside, you know? >> jimmy: you'd definitely want to know that. then this is a car, just a car. >> yep. clearly been set on fire. [ laughter ] just trying to be a good samaritan. parked in a red zone. by the way, the rest of the post was brilliant. lawrence is pretty funny.
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>> jimmy: is that right? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm sorry we missed it, it was cut off early. i love the next door app. and i've been hesitant to share. i feel like if people figure it out, i'll have to stop or delete my account or something like that. but i -- usually when i'm in the bathroom, i will respond to people's posts. [ laughter ] i want to share one with you. i think you'll like it. there are a lot of them. i singled one out here. i wonder if i can read it without my glasses. this woman posts about her podiatrist, how great he is. she says he's fantastic, my 87-year-old mom is visiting from boston, she's having a terrible time walking, pain due to her toenails -- maybe dax should see this guy. [ laughter ] called the office, they were booked, they asked, fit her in immediately. it goes on and on and on. and i wrote, "this weirdo doctor asked me to take off my shoes, no thanks." [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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and people respond as if i'm not kidding. >> i know. that's the thing. they don't understand a ton of comedy on next door. [ laughter ] if you want to poke fun at it, you can set the whole place on fire. [ laughter ] but i will say, i got on it because i wanted to help find lost dogs. that's truly the reason i got on it. >> jimmy: oh. >> they post a lot about, is this your dog? i am sitting there the other day, sitting outside, looking at my phone. and it says, are these your dogs? two dogs joyriding through the neighborhood, one has three legs. open the picture -- mine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> how they got out of the yard, god knows where, running around the neighborhood and i wouldn't have known. >> jimmy: if it weren't for -- wow, it saves your dogs potentially. [ applause ] maybe the dog would have had two legs if you hadn't had that app. >> that's right. >> jimmy: "the woman in the house across the street from the girl in the window" premieres friday on netflix. kristen bell, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, kristen. we'll be back with ike barinholtz. h type 2 diabetes are waking up
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back. our next guest is a very funny
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actor, comedian, writer and now murder suspect, alongside tiffany haddish in the new series "the afterparty," which premieres friday on apple tv plus. please say hello to ike barinholtz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i didn't know you were a musician. >> yeah, i dabble. i dabble a little bit. what's up, boys? how are you doing? all right. whoo! >> jimmy: how's it going? >> i'm so glad that none of you are my kids. [ applause ] no, i love them very much. >> jimmy: three daughters, right? >> i've got three daughters. i was telling k-bell, step it up and get "frozen iii" up there. "encanto" is lighting up the charts at the barinholtz household. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my house too. >> i want her to have an opportunity to take them out. >> jimmy: i know.
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how many times have your girls watched "encanto"? >> today? [ laughter ] i don't know, we don't talk about bruno, guys. [ laughter and applause ] like fight club. >> jimmy: our youngest children, your daughter, my son, go to school together. >> yes. >> jimmy: and we have -- there's kind of a thing. talk a little bit about what it's like to drop your children off at the school. >> i think dropping kids off at any school is hell. >> jimmy: no. >> well, i mean, there's always some kind of line, and it's in the morning and -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i usually have to go to the bathroom. there's a sense of urgency. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> and so i was so sick of waiting in this line to drop my kids off. this wonderful school, they have a fund-raiser every year. the money goes to the teachers. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> there's certain things you can bid on. one of them is a parking space. >> jimmy: now there are five total parking spaces at the school. that's it, right? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: you stay in them for as long as it takes you to get your kid out, get them to school, back in the car go away.
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one of those spaces -- let me show you a picture i took when i was dropping my son billy off. [ laughter ] one of those spaces says -- the best space, by the way, "no parking, barinholtz family only." does this seem like a welcoming -- does this seem like good publicity for you? >> i think it's great publicity. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> it shows that if you work hard, solutions will present themselves. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you! thank you. you know, i -- the worst was, you know -- because there's a little bit of guilt in the morning when you're kind of just -- five, six cars waiting, you coast by everyone. >> jimmy: there's only a little? i feel like it should be more. because there's a lot of resentment, you know, on our end. when i say "our" i speak for all the other families at the school. >> oh, i don't know. [ laughter ] i can't hear what they're saying, but you know, i think they're -- well, this one morning in particular i'm
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cruising by, trying not to make direct eye contact, but enjoying it a little bit. [ laughter ] i kind of blow past the last car that's about to turn in -- >> jimmy: you don't even wait in the line, you go right to your spot? >> yeah. [ laughter ] the money went to the teachers! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] do you know teachers? that's right, they work so damn hard. so anyways. i'm pulling in. and i kind of pass this blond lady in a tesla, whatever, it's l.a. [ laughter ] i just kind of cut her right off. kind of pull in, get out, stretch, you know. i look up and i kind of hear, hey! nice spot! i look and it was your wife, molly. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> work on this the show. the great molly. and she's taking a photo of me after i cut her off. and i am wearing a "jimmy kimmel live" sweatshirt. [ laughter and applause ]
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so yes, yes.ennce yohe morning. and you're angry. but i'm plugging the show, guys. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. >> we love your show! don't we? we love your show. [ applause ] >> jimmy: when i heard this news, i became very excited, for you and for everyone, really. you're doing a movie with nicholas cage. [ cheers and applause ] >> a movie, yes. crazy. >> jimmy: when they called to offer you this job, did you even ask what the movie was? >> no. it could have been a shot on one of his ring cameras and i would have gone. [ laughter ] i love him. the first scene we worked together, all my lines were off camera. we would sit next to each other and he thought i was an extra. just someone who wandered in off the street. and so then we got into a scene together. then he kind of opened up to me a little bit. then i went in for the kill. i was like, first time i saw you was in "peggy sue got married" and i thought, who the [ bleep ]
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is this guy? that's when he comes to life. oh ho ho! >> jimmy: oh, really? >> oh, yeah. oh! he does that crazy character he does in the movie. then after that he liked me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was it, huh? >> all it takes. >> jimmy: did you bond? did you hang out together? >> yeah. the context of the scene. [ laughter ] you know, yeah. yeah. yeah, sure. >> jimmy: you're not -- >> he was talking to me, i talked back, it was amazing. >> jimmy: you've not been to his home to see his superman collection? >> not yet. we were supposed to do it the other day. there was a covid thing, i don't know. >> jimmy: does he know you have your own parking space at the school? [ laughter ] >> no, he doesn't. no, he wouldn't like that. oh, that's very elitist! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the show you have, this is a series called "the afterparty." and this is i think a very interesting -- i don't know if this has been done before. you have -- you explain it. you've got the points of view of each of these different characters. >> it's a murder mystery comedy. and each episode is from the
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point of view of one of the suspects. and that episode is shot in the style that's appropriate for that suspect. so you've got one guy who's kind of in love with this girl, that's kind of shot like a rom-com. mine is i'm kind of a douche. [ laughter ] so i'm in an action movie. so i get to be a little bit me, but also a little vin diesel, a little steven seagal. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> that's a crew, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that might be better than hanging out with nick cage, yeah. [ laughter ] we have a clip from the show. >> yeah, so the victim is the great dave franco, who's playing this pop star scumbag who gets murdered. him and i have beef. and this is our scene where we kind of see why we have beef. >> jimmy: here we go, "the afterparty." >> i can do this for hours. >> watch me change pitch.
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i'm playing this urinal like a [ bleep ] steel drum. >> too bad you're not in jamaica, jack. yeah, you want loud? >> i need loud. >> is that what you want, you want loud? >> let's see what you got. >> prick up your ears. [ laughter and applause ] >> yeah. funny story. totally improvised. [ laughter ] we were just doing that and they started rolling cameras. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who else is in the show? >> sam richardson. ben schwartz. ilana glazer. the great tiffany haddish. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you and tiffany, you're like hall & oates now. how many things have you done together? >> his is i think our fifth thing together. we're in the nicholas cage movie together. >> jimmy: she's in that too? >> she's in that too. she's the greatest. because she does this bit where she kind of pretends to be the assistant director. as they call it in the business, the a.d. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he knows.
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>> he knows, he knows. and so like, you know, we'll finish a scene. she'll be like, okay, we're going to turn around, then that is lunch! and most people are like -- there's always a couple of guys that are like, oh, it's lunch, okay. she's in charge, right? she's the best. >> jimmy: yeah, that's fun. seems like everything's good. >> it's good, man, it's good. >> jimmy: you're doing what you want to do. >> i'm doing what i -- >> jimmy: parking where you want to park. [ laughter ] >> i park where i want to park. i hide in souvenir shops. >> jimmy: i'm going to get that parking spot from you at this year's auction. >> bring it on, bring it on, bitch! [ laughter ] i'm ready for you! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: do teachers pull up in a rolls-royce? [ laughter ] whoa, where did you get that? well, you know, kimmel and barinholtz went real crazy this year. [ laughter ] very good to see you. "the afterparty" friday on apple tv plus. ike barinholtz, everybody. we'll be right back.
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>> jimmy: i want to thank kristen bell and ike barinholtz. thank you for being here.
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unfortunately -- we had a great time -- we ran out of time for matt damon. he will be rescheduled. tomorrow night, charlie day and colman domingo with music from ian dior featuring travis barker. thanks for watching. "nightline" is next, so crank it up. go wild, okay? good night. [ cheers and applause ]
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