[ cheers and applause ] "jimmy fallon" happening right [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: hey, that's what i'm talking about! we don't stop! friday night! friday night crowd here in new york city. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers ] hey, you guys, this weekend is the new york city marathon. [ cheers and applause ] i love it. it's a chance for the best runners in new york to come together and get crushed by a guy from nigeria. [ laughter ] it's just a great tradition. i love it every year. >> xbox! >> jimmy: you guys -- no one is getting an xbox tonight. i'm sorry. that was last night. you guys, president obama is on a ten day trip to india, indonesia, south korea, and japan. impressive. not to be outdone, today, joe biden went to epcot. [ laughter ]

went over to germany, got some strudel, and then going to mexico over here and get a fajita. actually, officials in india are removing coconuts from certain trees to keep them from falling on president obama this weekend. you know, somewhere, abe lincoln's going, "wait, you got to be kidding me." [ laughter ] "nobody stops the gunman right behind me in the theater, this dude's got people on coconut detail?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: nice. >> jimmy: thank you. >> steve: mustache with beard first, and then the stovepipe hat. >> jimmy: yeah, it's going through a doorway. >> steve: nice. i love the space work. >> jimmy: some health news, you guys. costco is warning customers in five states that its gouda cheese might contain e. coli. [ audience ohs ] but the good news is, if you bought any, you got a lot of

e. coli for your money. because it's like, "honey, look what i got. it's $120. it's a big wheel of cheese." "but we don't eat that much." "well, i don't care. let's have a fondue party." [ laughter ] hey, you guys, daylight savings ends this sunday. yep, if you're confused about when to set your clocks back or ahead, just remember this simple rule. you gain an hour every fall. you lose an hour every time you watch an episode of "jersey shore." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you want to smush? no, thank you. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you want to smush? [ laughter ] no thank you, madame. good day to you. i'll call you when i'm dtf and let you know. [ laughter ]

this is too bad, you guys. nbc is cancelling its new show "undercovers," about a husband and wife spy team. that's right. in fact, they were such good spies, people didn't even notice they were on the air. that's how good the show was. it was so good. >> steve: verisimilitude. >> jimmy: some more tv news. jo frost, the star of the abc show "supernanny," announced that she's leaving the show so that she can start dating. i just feel bad for the first guy she goes out with. it's like, "is that the correct way to order an appetizer? no, it's not, is it? go to the naughty step. go to the naughty step." [ laughter ] "is that how you tip a waiter?" and finally, lady gaga -- [ laughter ] finally, lady gaga went to a yoga class in london this week wearing platform boots, sunglasses and a dress. you'd think that would be pretty impractical, but she really nailed the position downward facing weirdo. it was really good. she nailed it. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a

great show. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about right there. that's legendary guitarist john mclaughlin right there. [ cheers and applause ] that is great, buddy. here's his latest album, here. it's called "to the one." he'll be performing november 13th in new york city as part of the north american tour. thanks so much for being here, john. i appreciate it, buddy. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: real quick, before we get started, we've been working on something special for the

web. and we're going to unveil it this coming monday. i don't want to give it away -- iphone app. let's just say "late night" is finally going mobile. you don't want to miss it. so tune in on monday. we'll talk all about that. [ cheers and applause ] very exciting. we've got such a fantastic finish to the week tonight. one of the all-time greats, a legend. god, i love this man. elvis costello is here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ he's going to chat with us, and he's going to be performing a song from his new album "national ransom" with the roots later on in the show. it's going to be awesome. i heard the rehearsal. it was really good. yes. >> steve: did you like? >> jimmy: yes. also, one of my favorites, the hilarious comedian lewis black will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] he is in a bad mood. he's in a bad mood backstage. he's mad. it's going to be a fun show. i love lewis black.

he's pissed, yeah. hey, you guys, today's friday, and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails, and of course, send out thank-you notes. i was running a bit behind today, so i thought, if you guys wouldn't mind, can i just write out my thank-you notes right now? do you guys mind? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] you always got to send out some thank-you notes and get it over -- just starts - - just clears my head for the weekend. roots, can i have some thank-you note writing music, please? ♪ beautiful. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, daylight savings time, for making me feel much better when i sleep until 2:00 p.m. hey, it's only 1:00 p.m. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, the sun, for thinking the whole world revolves around

you. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, coarse wool sweaters, for having a relationship with my nipples that could best be described as problematic. [ laughter ] i should have worn a t-shirt under here. [ laughter ] why am i sore? [ laughter ] >> steve: it's probably because of that sweater you're wearing. >> jimmy: oh, thank god. i thought it was something else. >> steve: yeah. what detergent are you using? >> jimmy: i don't know, i thought i was using tide, but i didn't have any. and it was oxiclean. >> steve: oh, man, you don't use that whole thing. you put that in with the tide. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, i feel like a fool. >> steve: you ever have that gouda cheese?

[ laughter ] we could have a fondue party. >> jimmy: we could have a fondue party. >> steve: call me when you're fon-done. >> jimmy: okay. all right. ♪ thank you, wednesday, for being "start eating healthy" day. and thank you, thursday for being "stop eating healthy" day. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one day. one day for goodness. ♪ thank you, gummy worms, for being excellent bait if i want to catch swedish fish. [ laughter ] >> steve: ah, that's a sweet one. >> jimmy: yeah. thank you, vagueness, for -- whatever. [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] it smells like fresh spring air. yeah. >> steve: i tell you, ever since that fella billy mays told me to buy this, and i went to see him at the -- i bought a poster of him. and i had a bunch of oxiclean. i used it. and it just smelled fresh as the day is long. fresh as all get out. >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> steve: but these things. >> jimmy: it's a nightmare. i thought you took your shirt off, thought you went strawberry picking. >> steve: yeah, oh, my god, you're right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: you're right. and these aren't strawberries. >> jimmy: no, they're your nips. >> steve: problem solved. thank you, nbc, for airing nonstop election coverage until 3:30 wednesday morning. i particularly enjoyed the part when tom brokaw tucked brian williams in and read him "good night, moon."

[ as tom brokaw ] "good night, stars." ♪ [ laughter ] "good night, air. good" -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "good night noises everywhere. shh, he's sleeping." [ laughter ] "good night, mouse." [ laughter ] "good night, house." >> steve: give me comb and brush.

>> jimmy: "good night, comb. good night, brush. see, the brush is there on the table. good night, nobody. good night, mush." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you, torn jeans, for making me look so cool. and thank you, torn suit pants, for making me look like a seasoned hobo. [ laughter ] there you go, you guys. there are my thank-you notes. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more "late night." come on back. ♪ [ male announcer ] new extra dessert delights.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that sounded great. welcome back, everybody. i hope you have a great weekend. hey, you guys, we love words on this show. and here's something we've noticed. a lot of words start with the same letter. [ brief cheers and applause ] for example, the words "kite" and "khaki" both start with the letter "k." and that's not all. "kiss," "kangaroo" and "kielbasa" also start with "k." you can do this with any letter. and tonight, you can even win cold hard cash for doing it. it's time for a new game called "buzz words." ♪ buzz words buzz words buzz words ♪ [ cers and ap[ause ]d >> jimmy: welcome to "buzz words," where audience members win money for saying as many words as possible that all start with the same letter. let me explain how this works. in just a moment, i'll pick someone and ask them to roll a letter here on this multi-sided die. here you go. whatever letter you roll, you must attempt to say as many

words as you can that start with that letter. remember, you can't say names like mark or lisa, and if you say the same word twice, or a word that doesn't exist, or if you take too long between words, you're going to get buzzed. [ buzzer ] for every correct word you say, i'm going to give you ten bucks. [ cheers and applause ] pure greenbacks. let's pick our first contestant. who's ready to go? who wants to play? [ cheers and applause ] let's go. there you go. stand up. very good. what's you name, where you from? are you richard branson? >> yeah. [ laughter ] his younger brother. >> jimmy: okay, cool. very good. welcome to the show. all right, what is your name and where you from? >> chris bledsoe, i'm from california. >> jimmy: chris plateau, from california. >> bledsoe. >> jimmy: oh, bledsoe. >> yes. >> jimmy: you're a good man. all right, welcome. >> why, thank you. >> jimmy: there you go. now get ready to roll this die and try to win some cold, hard cash. >> all right. ready. >> jimmy: ooh, the letter is "c." [ cheers and applause ]

>> ooh, wow. >> jimmy: the roots will play a little music while you go. in fact, roots, if you will. remember, you have the letter "c." ready? >> yep. >> jimmy: go. >> cat, car, cantina -- [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: oh, come on. keep going. >> cantina, catwalk, caterpillar -- [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: that's pretty good. [ cheers and applause ] there you go. five. not bad. here we go. ♪ one, two, three, four, five. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: easy money. easy money, you want to do it? you can do it, come on. stand up. stand up. how are you doing? what is your name? >> ashley. >> jimmy: ashley. very, very good. you can hold this microphone right there. ashley, where are you from? >> toronto. >> jimmy: toronto, very cool. [ cheers ] shout out to bloor street. hey, you want to roll the die and give it a -- see what you

end up on? oh, i like this letter a lot. i'm talking about the letter "r." ♪ here we go. roots, you want to play a little music? ♪ ready, go. >> rabies, rattlesnake, um -- [ buzzer ] rain. >> jimmy: we can't give her that one, right? that's it. [ audience ohs ] you got two. yeah, sorry. we're pretty hardcore here. [ laughter ] ♪ one, two. that's sick. there you go. all right, here you go. roll the die, see what you got here, pal. this is going to be hard. it's the letter "a." ♪ [ audience ohs ] all right, here you go. ready? roots, if you don't mind. ♪ >> apple, ape, alex, andrea. i can't -- [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: you can't use real names, like alex. ape, we'll give you.

what do we got there? you got the mighty deuce. >> oh, can i try again? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one, two. thank you so much. very, very good. all right, come through here. how are you doing? how are you? nice to see you, buddy. how was bonnaroo? >> oh, it was great. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i bet. fun? >> sure. >> jimmy: okay, here you go. all right, buddy. yeah, here you go, pal. are you okay? are you all right? okay. good. you want to roll the die, see ♪ >> jimmy: what is your name? >> amanda. >> jimmy: you gonna -- hold this please, amanda. amanda is her name. >> dog, dick. [ buzzer ]

[ laughter ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: that's -- [ laughter ] can you give him a half? i can't give him -- i don't have $5s. you only get $10. there you go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] watch your mouth. excuse me. pardon me. sorry. sorry. that was a big purse. yeah, are you moving in? yeah, how are you doing? nice to see you. [ cheers ] how you doing, buddy. hey, how are you? good. good? what's your name and where are you from? >> i'm bonnie. i'm from portland, oregon. >> jimmy: oh, very good, bonnie. here we go. are you excited to play this game, "buzz words"? >> yes. >> jimmy: here we go. roll the die and see what letter you get. here we go. oh, it's a great letter. it's "s." [ cheers and applause ] all right, bonnie, go for it, pal. ♪ >> snake, silly, submarine, sandwich, uh -- [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: ah.

that was pretty good. you started off really hot. [ cheers and applause ] what did you get? you got quatro. that's four, here we go. ♪ one, two, three, four. there you are. [ cheers and applause ] come on, let's go. you want to go? let's go. there you go. here you go. stand up. please stand up. what is your name? >> my name is nadine, and i'm from marietta, georgia. >> jimmy: very good. welcome, nadine. are you ready to win? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: let's do it. hopefully it doesn't land on the letter "d." just here we go. here we go. the letter is "f." ♪ [ audience ohs ] it's a pg show, and no there will be slip-ups tonight. let's go for it. i've got all this money left. come on, win some money. are you ready to do this? all right, on your mark, get set, go. ♪ >> friend, fear, fallow, flow, floyd.

[ buzzer ] >> jimmy: wait, that's fred. >> friend. i said friend. >> jimmy: all right, that's good. we're going to give you the fiver. [ cheers and applause ] we got it. thank you, nadine. ♪ one, two, three, four, five. hey, nadine! there you go, you guys. i'm almost out of cash. that was it for "buzz words." thanks a lot, contestants. thanks to the roots, too. we'll be right back with elvis costello. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] what's cooking at applebee's?

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all day, all night. twizzlers. the twist you can't resist. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an award-winning singer/songwriter and member of the rock and roll hall of fame. his latest album "national ransom" hits stores this week. please welcome back to the show mr. elvis costello, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. thank you for being here. >> i know that one. >> jimmy: yeah, you did. you got it? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, good. yeah, the roots are good like that. that's a sneaky one they got for you. >> that's a sneaky one. should we tell them? >> jimmy: i think we should. yeah. >> when i was 17, my dad used to do commercials, and they had me sing backups on that song. >> jimmy: it's called secret -- >> the secret lemonade drink. >> jimmy: secret lemonade drink. >> yeah, it's like -- >> jimmy: i'd like you to release that now. >> on of those ads -- you know those ads that there's one or two ads every generation that catches on, everybody knows the tune? >> jimmy: that's pretty rad. and you're like, "that's my dad." >> that's my dad. >> jimmy: that's pretty cool, buddy. hey, congrats on this album. look at this. "national ransom." look at this. it looks fantastic. >> that's what you call a record album. >> jimmy: i mean, yes, this is what you call a record album. for kids out there that don't know what a record album is, yes. >> it's a double album as well. >> jimmy: it is a double album. i love records. do you like records? >> i do. it's on the lupitome label. >> jimmy: yeah, what is -- what is lupitome? >> lupitome -- it's wolf-like. >> jimmy: i like that. yeah, it is. very cool.

i do love albums. do you miss vinyl? do you always release on vinyl? >> we try to usually put them out. this one actually -- i wrote it, and i thought if i get to where i am -- i wrote a lot of songs. i sort of planned it out as a double lp, because heaven knows, i mean, the shops are disappearing pretty fast. we might not be able to do them -- >> jimmy: amoeba in l.a. >> where you can go in and just lose yourself in it for a couple of hours, if you've got that kind of time. >> jimmy: i grew up with albums. i love record albums so much. >> yeah. you can get it on the compact disc and all the newfangled forms, as well. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: itunes and all that stuff. yeah, absolutely. >> you can get it any way you want to. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: exactly. >> just so long as you buy it. >> jimmy: exactly. not download it. yeah, exactly. i know a lot of vinyl nerds are now talking about how many grams of vinyl that are -- >> i think that's another kind of -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry, sorry, we might be talking about something else completely. you recorded this in nashville? >> i did. we recorded it -- [ cheers ] >> jimmy: there's your producer right there. those people over there. >> and now you know why we went there. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: exactly, yeah. god, nashville's a fun place, isn't it? >> it's -- well, you know, people think that -- people think it's all about country music though, which a lot of country music has come out there. but like "blond on blond" by bob dylan was recorded there. you know, a lot of great records recorded there -- r&b records, jazz records. it's a lot of great players and great studios. my friend t-bone burnett produced this, and we went and -- 11 days. my second record, "this year's model," took 11 days. this took 11 days. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, and they're great players, and they just -- they just knew what to do. is there a favorite genre that you like? >> genre, i don't know. i don't understand why everybody wants to be so french. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "genre." >> "genre." [ laughter ] to me, it's just all music. i mean, it's all the kinds of music i like, from the rock and roll must about this picture, with this guy here with a wolf running off with a bag of burning money. well, it's not hard to understand what that is about. to some little, you know, stories about people just trying to make their way through life.

some love songs. we just had a ball doing it. and we went to los angeles and mixed it, and had a little time off. >> jimmy: what do you do you in your time off? >> go to the roller derby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what elvis costello does in his time off? he goes to the roller derby? >> my pal rang me up and said, "you've got to go to this." and honestly, if you ever get a chance to go -- they're reviving it. and you know a little bit about it. >> jimmy: yeah, i was in the roller derby movie. >> i had such a ball, 'cause it was like -- [ laughter ] i didn't think i would like it. a lot of girls going around bashing each other up. but who doesn't like that? >> jimmy: it's fantastic! these girls are super athletes, and they have great names. >> fantastic names. like "fig lebowski." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think drew -- she plays smashley simpson in our movie. everyone's got these fun, great names. and they're brutal. >> yeah. no, it's a great -- it's a great -- the whole town was there. wherever it was, sort of east -- -- eastwards in -- i get lost in los angeles. i didn't drive until i was about 40. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 40. yeah, exactly. you're playing this nobel peace prize ceremony next month.

that's an honor. congratulations. >> well, i'm not -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's great. >> steady on. i'm only playing in a concert. i'm not getting the peace prize. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: never mind. bummer. well, you should get it. are you going to play "what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?" >> you know, i -- >> jimmy: you know they want you to play that, right? >> maybe we could. i don't know. >> jimmy: what are the -- >> what are the options? you might get "war, what is it good for?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're gonna do "veronica" for the nobel peace prize. >> no, i'm really -- yeah. >> jimmy: they're going to ask you to do that. you know it. you might as well start practicing now. it's the one you're going to end up doing. i got to say -- you're such a legend, and you're so awesome. everyone loves you. gosh, i have like -- i don't know how many albums from you. but we had a guy on our show who's one of my favorite actors, nicolas cage. and he had a pretty good impression of you. >> of me? >> jimmy: here we go. check it out. >> now i have to do my

elvis costello impression. >> jimmy: oh, yeah? i want to hear this. ♪ what's so funny about peace love and understanding ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] yes. not bad. >> he's a natural for the biopic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it right there. "national ransom" is available now. get this record. stick around. more with elvis when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this new jetta is awesome. yeah, right now during sign then drive, you can take home a volkswagen for just your signature. really? that's great. yeah. plus, it includes scheduled carefree maintenance. huh. light's green. there you go. oh, you need a pen. i had one here just a second ago. who would take my pen?? [ male announcer ] it's amazing what you can do with a pen. sign then drive is back. for a limited time get any 2011 volkswagen for practically just your signature.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with the great elvis costello, whose new record "national ransom" just came out this week. go on itunes and pick it up. check it out. elvis, you're one of the most -- prolific, if i can say the word -- prolific songwriters around. i was just wondering, how do you -- do you just write a song, like, every day? [ light laughter ] every single day? you wake up and go, "i'm writing this." >> yeah, that's it. >> jimmy: different inspiration? >> different inspiration, sun is out, sun is in. >> jimmy: yeah. like, if i -- if we -- >> the sun has got its hat on. hip, hip, hip, hooray. >> jimmy: that's a good one. that's a good song. or you can do -- i was thinking about this. what if me and you walked into the audience, can you just serenade somebody and write a song about them if we went out there? [ cheers and applause ]

>> we'll have to find of right kind of inspiring person. >> jimmy: would you do it? >> absolutely, we could. >> jimmy: let's do it. >> let's do it. >> jimmy: all right, cool. [ cheers and applause ] who wants elvis costello to write a song about them? a lot of guys -- a lot of guys clapping. what's up, man? you want to do it? let's do it. stand up. >> i don't have sing, right? >> jimmy: no, you don't have to sing if you don't want to. this is elvis costello. >> hi, nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you. >> jimmy: what is your name? >> amanda. >> jimmy: you gonna -- hold this please, amanda. amanda is her name. i have a bunch of questions. >> i like the "a" thing. the "a" thing is good. i've had success with this before. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i remember one girl's name you had that started with an "a." i forget her name. amanda, what is your hometown? >> upper saddle river. >> upper saddle river? >> yes. three words. >> jimmy: upper -- not to be confused with lower saddle

river. upper -- >> i like upper saddle river. >> jimmy: all right. upper saddle river. favorite color? >> purple. >> jimmy: purple. oh, my god. >> favorite color. >> jimmy: oh, my god. this -- so far, this sounds like a hit. >> it's getting spooky. >> jimmy: favorite time of day? >> afternoon. >> jimmy: favorite animal? >> a dog. >> jimmy: very nice. what kind of dog? >> how about a husky? >> jimmy: ooh. [ laughter ] your atm p.i.n. number? [ laughter ] that's a joke. just kidding. that's a joke. that's a joke. you want to ask any? >> paper or plastic? [ laughter ] >> paper. >> jimmy: paper -- very nice. >> olive or a twist? >> olive. >> jimmy: olive or twist. [ light laughter ] >> snuggy or teddy? >> jimmy: wow, sit down, elvis. [ laughter ] >> you put that one in.

>> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> i plead the fifth. >> jimmy: which one? >> i plead the fifth. >> jimmy: plead the fifth. nude. [ laughter ] and plans for the weekend? >> i'm here. i'm in the city. >> jimmy: all right, very good. new york city, "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ on a purple afternoon upper saddle river i was feeling kind of husky ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ oh, amanda [ cheers and applause ]

♪ you're always in my dreams you gave me these words to ♪ ♪ sing and write down on a piece of paper i'll be your long afternoon oh, amanda ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ upper saddle river on a purple afternoon where the view is always new york city ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. [ cheers and applause ] "purple afternoon," your song by elvis costello. "purple afternoon," elvis costello, everybody. amanda! later in the show, elvis will perform with the roots. lewis black when we be come back. come on, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ nothing you can know that isn't known. ♪

♪ nothing you can see that isn't shown. ♪ ♪ nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.♪ ♪ it's easy. all you need is love, all you need is love, ♪ ♪ all you need is love, love... ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest this evening is a best-selling author and an award- winning stand-up comedian, actor and playwright. but none of that seemed to have helped his mood. here to talk about his hilarious new book "i'm dreaming of a black christmas," please welcome lewis black everybody.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: lewis black's new book "i'm dreaming of a black christmas." >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: how are you, buddy? what's bothering you? what's up? >> what's bothering me? uh, bedbugs. [ laughter ] bedbugs! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: calm down. it's okay. >> no, wake up, america. we act like we're the greatest country on earth. we've got bedbugs. we're not living in the 4th century. this isn't a tenement. there's bedbugs and there's an infestation everywhere, and it's coming to your neighborhood soon. [ laughter ] it's unbelievable. i go to sleep at night -- because they keep saying they're coming, they're coming, the bedbugs, the bastards are coming. [ light laughter ] i wake up and i look and see

their bites. if i get a bite, i think i've got a bedbug. and we act like we're going to solve other problems. ha, ha! [ laughter ] we can't figure out how to get rid of bedbugs. [ applause ] why don't the republicans and the democrats and tea partiers sit down and start there? start with a simple problem. [ cheers and applause ] and then maybe we can get the help -- [ cheers and applause ] and that election wore me out. >> jimmy: the elections -- the midterm elections? >> what was that about? [ laughter ] it's gonna get better. are they nuts? i've a group of idiots, and they voted that group of idiots out, and what do they do? they brought in a whole new group of idiots. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it wasn't good. >> listen to that. only part of you are applauding? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is what gets you upset. i can see why you're upset. >> are you serious?

[ laughter ] you really think it's gonna improve? what did any of those candidates tell you they were going to do? we're gonna do it. we're gonna do it. what? [ laughter ] it's like watching that nike ad, "just do it." what does that mean? [ laughter ] become a professional athlete? i can't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why can't you do it? why can't you do it? now what is -- now, "i'm dreaming of a black christmas" this is you -- nice christmas book -- written by a jew? >> an aging jew. [ laughter ] an aging, single jew. i wrote this because my editor is insane, and he came to me and said, "you know what would be a great book for you to write? a christmas book." and i said, "i'm a jew, you idiot." [ laughter ] but then i thought about it for awhile, and who better than someone who's -- who looks at it

from kind of a distance and can talk about it in a way. and i actually -- i really learned a lot writing it. i learned that, you know, you people have -- you know, they've screwed up your holiday. [ laughter ] no, they have. and you know they have. >> jimmy: what is going on? >> and you know they have, and the band knows they have. [ laughter ] they took a really great, wonderful holiday and covered it with merchandising. you know? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can see this has been therapeutic for you, this book. >> it's helped. and then they're gonna put that tree in rockefeller center. and that's going to screw up your life. [ laughter ] you're going to be driving around in your limo going, "i can't get to the studio." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> a billion people come to the city to -- to look at a tree. they come from places where there are trees. [ laughter ]

it's our tree. it's our tree! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay -- you guys, go pick up "i'm dreaming of a black christmas," your holiday book of choice. [ cheers and applause ] p our thanks again to our friend lewis black, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with a song from elvis costello. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it comes along just once a year ♪

♪ on winters wings, decembers rear, ahha humbug faces come and dear ♪ ♪ then appears at perfect christmas time. ♪ ♪ a tiny tree, christmas, tinsel, the lights ♪ ♪ the star that sings, top your tiny tree, yeah ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. performing the song "stations of the cross" from his new album "national ransom," with a little help from john mclaughlin and the roots, please welcome elvis costello. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ the tempest blows up from a squall past the cape of bad conscience ♪ ♪ into the gulf of the cauldron roars over the coastline to batter ♪ ♪ and flatter exposing the roots like the dyed hair of a slattern ♪ ♪ scrapper and mauler in a rope ring this small outside the wind is punching ♪ ♪ there's no one to hear it no one hears the bell ring except the one who comes to fear it ♪ ♪ and they continue to brawl ♪ ♪ he's buying his way into heaven i suppose he weeps at the blows but down in a location ♪

♪ that we cannot disclose he turns the dial slowly through the stations of the cross ♪ ♪ the crowd done up dandy with in diamonds and finery baying and howling all blood-lusty calling ♪ ♪ fists like pistons faces like meat spoiling haul, boys, haul bully-boys haul ♪ ♪

♪ the water came up to the eaves it seemed that someone had opened a valve ♪ ♪ it's too soon to stay now and too late to leave so spare your remorse all the way up to calvary ♪ ♪ they're hurling themselves into heaven i suppose before the gates are closed but down in a location ♪ ♪ that we cannot disclose he turns the dial slowly through the stations of the cross ♪ ♪ through the stations of the cross through the stations of the cross ♪