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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 29, 2011 3:05am-4:00am PST

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man, that's it right there! that's a crowd! welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. i hope you had a great friday. hey, this is pretty cool, you guys. a 30-second trailer for justin bieber's new movie is going to air right after the super bowl. incidentally, the super bowl is also the name of justin bieber's haircut. [ laughter ] "give me the super bowl." [ applause ] everyone in new york is pumped up for the big ole jets-steelers game on sunday! [ cheers and applause ] right? fans are like, "are you ready for some football?" and rex ryan is like, "are you ready for some foot -- [ laughter ] -- ball?" [ applause ] hey, i read about a new iphone app that helps you walk and read your cell phone at the same
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time. [ laughter ] most excited about that? this person. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "no!" [ applause ] >> steve: make a wish. >> jimmy: yes. you guys, this is amazing. snooki from "jersey shore" said that her new book, "a shore thing," just made the "new york times" best sellers list. [ scattered applause ] yeah, snooki on the best seller's list. up next, locusts. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "oh, it's a river of blood." thank you. [ laughter ] check this out. a new study found that heavy drinkers are more likely to develop an abnormal heart rhythm. yeah. while a similar study found that heavy drinkers are more likely to think that they have rhythm. [ laughter ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] "great party, gary. such a great party. the best one you've ever had, gary. [ laughter ] this is a great party. i want to turn up -- turn up the base. turn up the treble." [ laughter ] you guys see this? marriott plans to remove adult movies from its new hotels. that's right. each room will be porno-free or, as they're calling it, non-stroking. [ laughter ] stroking and non-stroking. [ laughter ] "i'll take a non-stroking room, please." [ laughter ] that's right. marriott is eliminating adult movies in hotel rooms. it's also eliminating awkward conversations about those accidental charges on your bill. [ laughter ] "i'm telling you, i must have leaned on the remote by mistake and not realized. do i look like someone who would rent 'the rodfather'? come on! [ laughter ] why would i -- i have a wife and kids, damn it! i didn't rent 'throbbin' hood.' are you kidding me, man? [ laughter ]
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all right, i'll just pay for it. yes, my voice is weird." [ laughter ] this is interesting here. a british lawmaker was interrupted during his speech in parliament when the musical tie he was wearing started playing a song. [ laughter ] that's got to be awkward, you know? it's like, "and that is why i demand that british troops immediately commence withdrawal -- ♪ [ laughter ] -- the time has come for serious consideration -- ♪ i'm sorry. i got this from sky mall." [ cheers and applause ] i just heard this. taco bell has pulled its ads during mtv's new show "skins" because of inappropriate content. mtv was like, "really, taco bell? [ laughter ] we have inappropriate content? have you seen what's inside a chalupa?
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hello!" [ laughter ] [ imitates jerry seinfeld ] "have you seen what's inside a chalupa? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what kind of thing is this?" shout out to jerry there. this isn't good, you guys. a new study found that bedbugs are becoming immune to the pesticides used to kill them. that makes a really interesting study and a really horrible nursery rhyme. it's like, "good night, sleep tight. bedbugs have evolved faster than science, so there's nothing we can do to stop bedbugs from eating your flesh. [ laughter ] good night." [ laughter ] really tall bed there. >> steve: he sleeps in a drawer. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: "i'm afraid of bed bugs. so we sleep in the drawer." >> jimmy: "we decided to put her in her drawer. there's no bed bugs there. and i did not rent those movies." [ laughter ] >> steve: "i saw you in a hotel." >> jimmy: "hey, we have similar voices."
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>> steve: "oh, my god." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "i've never met anyone with this voice before. >> steve: "oh, my god. i've never been here before. did you see '127 inches'? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "why would i see that? i'll tell you what i did see." >> steve: "what's that?" >> jimmy: "'yogi barely legal.'" >> steve: "are you serious?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "yeah, and it was very good." >> steve: "oh, my god. i got 'godfather part p.'" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: whew! you guys, it's going to be one of those shows. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be one of those shows. and, finally, i was just reading about this. a new study found that birth control pills don't cause weight gain. but you know what does cause weight gain? not taking birth control pills. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlmen, we're have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: all right, guys, we have a great show tonight. from the popular show "californication," david duchovny is here. [ cheers and applause ] a little love with duchov. we'll be playing a little basketball later. we're going to play some hoops later, something like that. also, one of the best actresses around, and a really cool girl, greta gerwig is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] she's coming back. i love greta gerwig. the first lady of italian cuisine, lidia bastianich is going to be cooking with us. [ cheers and applause ] lidia -- oh. higgins, you're very excited. she's the best. >> steve: i heard she's cooking rigatoni. >> jimmy: you guys, today is friday and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return my e-mails and, of course, send out some thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ]
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i'm running a bit behind. i was wondering if i could write them out right now. do you guys mind if i write them out right now? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music? ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: what? is there a bee up there? >> jimmy: there's a bat in the studio. >> steve: oh, there's a bat up there. [ laughter ] >> steve: let's call the -- >> jimmy: yeah. here's the first one. ♪ [ laughter ] thank you, bomb-sniffing dog that approaches me at the airport, for making me panic and think, "wait. did i pack a bomb in my crotch? [ laughter and applause ] i might of." "stranger things have happened. [ laughter ] hey, i recently got charged for something at a hotel." >> steve: "are you serious?"
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>> jimmy: "yeah." >> steve: "oh, my god, that's horrible. was it a marriott?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "hey, you've been there before?" >> steve: "oh, my god, i've been there before." >> jimmy: "stroking or non-stroking?" [ laughter ] >> steve: "well --" >> jimmy: "it goes without saying. it goes without saying." >> steve: "i got a new duvet." [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my -- "you brought your own duvet?" >> steve: "yeah, i don't trust -- [ laughter ] i don't trust them. if i get a stroking, i don't trust the duvet thing. you know what i'm saying?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "let's talk about it on your travel blog later." >> steve: "yeah, exactly. just read about it." [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, hangovers, for transforming the sun from a bright, happy source of light into a giant a-hole in the sky. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: "i rented that movie." >> jimmy: "no, it's not the name of a movie. [ laughter ]
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that is not a name of a movie." oh, man. ♪ thank you, hugh hefner, for announcing on twitter that uncensored versions of "playboy" will soon be coming to the ipad. whoo-boy. i can't wait for a bit of the old pinch and zoom, if you catch my drift. [ laughter ] a little swipe, swipe, flick, flick, type, type, click, click a wow-wow. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, desperation. you're all that i have left. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you, the f-12 button on my keyboard. what is it that you do again?
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oh, that's right. nothing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh, you make the camera zoom in. can you make the camera zoom out? zoom in. zoom out. ♪ and zoom in. and what does this one do? ♪ [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ thank you, girls with gross, crusty makeup goop in the corner of their eye, for reminding me why i only wear mascara in the privacy of my own boudoir. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, really small glasses of orange juice at diners.
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you know what would go great with this giant stack of flapjacks and salty bacon? a $10 thimble full of o.j. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "too much for me. i could never -- no, i'm almost too full to eat this giant -- that's too much for me. [ laughter ] would you like some?" >> steve: "no, i'm full. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, uno, for celebrating your 40th anniversary. i can't wait until next year when you celebrate your 39th anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] boo-yah! >> jimmy: i had a reverse the whole time. [ laughter ] >> steve: you've been burned! >> jimmy: thank you, arnold schwarzenegger, for
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revealing that being governor of california cost you $200 million. now i guess you know how the producers of "last action hero" feel. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, they finally get their due. there you have it. those are my thank you notes, everybody. we'll be right back with "models and buckets"! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ curtis: welcome back to geico radio, it's savings, on the radio. gecko: caller steve, go right ahead. steve: yeah, um, i just got a free rate quote on, saved a ton, and it only took me 5 minutes and 12 seconds! steve: i was wondering, is that some sort of record? gecko: that's a good question. let's have a look. curtis: mmmm, not quite. someone's got you beat by 8 seconds. gecko: still, i mean, that's... that's quite fast! steve: well, what if i told you i only used one hand? anncr: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! you guys look like you're ready to play a game of intense competition for fabulous prizes. [ cheers and applause ] it's time for the game everyone has been talking about. doctors, lawyers, jets fans, bears fans, the guy who plays mufasa in the broadway production of "the lion king." [ laughter ] everyone is talking about it. it's time for "models and buckets!" ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. it's time for the game everyone has been talking about. >> i -- >> love -- >> models -- >> and buckets.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: everyone. let's get started. let's bring out the models and the buckets. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, models. >> hi, jimmy! >> jimmy: as you guys can see, we have 12 beautiful models with 12 equally beautiful buckets for our contestants to choose from. [ laughter ] whatever buckets they pick will be dumped on their head, but one of these buckets contains $100. let's meet our contestants right now. come on over, you guys. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing, buddy? how are you? what's your name, and where are you from? >> dan. i'm from new jersey. >> jimmy: dan from new jersey. good man. [ cheers ] rooting for the jets? >> i'm a steelers fan actually. [ cheers and applause ] [ scattered boos ] >> jimmy: what's your name, and where are you from? >> i'm zach. i'm also from new jersey.
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i'm a jets fan. >> jimmy: jets fan. all right, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] jets versus steelers right now. all right, guys, you know how the game works. you have to pick a bucket number and then we'll dump that bucket on your head. but first, higgins, tell us about what's in some of today's buckets. >> steve: well, jimmy, we have baked beans cmeltedheese, brown gravy, glittery confetti, maple syrup, chocolate syrup, melted chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream or $100. jimmy -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, buddy. you go first. audience, help him out. what number should he pick? [ audience yells ] >> i'm going to go with number six. >> jimmy: going to go with number six. kenzi, come on over. ♪ kenzi, very nice, could be holding $100 in that bucket.
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also -- it looks a little heavy, though. [ laughter ] unless it's in quarters. [ laughter ] i don't know if that's the $100. pour the bucket over his head, please. ♪ [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] that is -- that is not -- that is baked beans. that is baked beans. that is not $100. no. what do you think, buddy? >> my lucky number -- number 12. >> jimmy: number 12. megan. come on, megan. ♪ all right, megan might be holding $100 in her bucket. who knows? megan, let him have it. ♪ [ audience ohs ] oh, it's glittery confetti. it's still a party. it could be worse. it could be baked beans. [ laughter ] all right, what are you thinking? >> let's go with number two. >> jimmy: the deuce.
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rachel. ♪ all right, rachel may or may not be holding $100 in that bucket. rachel, let him have it. ♪ [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] thank you, rachel. that was -- that was maple syrup. >> yes, it was. >> jimmy: that was maple syrup. we have a very -- sweet tooth over there. what are you thinking, my man? [ audience yells ] >> seven. >> jimmy: number seven. michelle. ♪ ♪ [ laughter ]
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michelle may or may not be holding $100. you might be $100 richer. let's see. ♪ [ audience ohs ] no! [ applause ] that was melted chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. >> but it tastes great. >> jimmy: it tastes -- sorry about that. yeah. are these your actual clothes, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: sorry about that. [ laughter ] >> it's okay. >> jimmy: all right. let's go, buddy. what are you thinking? >> let's go with number nine. >> jimmy: number nine. maya! ♪ i am feeling good about this one. number nine is the one. does it have $100 in it? let him have it, maya. ♪ [ audience ohs ] you're keeping with the brown theme there. that was brown gravy. [ laughter ] that was brown gravy in that
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one. all right. what do you think? no eating what's been dumped on you. [ laughter ] >> number four. >> jimmy: number four! scarlett b.! number four! ♪ scarlett b., pour the $100 over his head. [ audience ohs ] oh, that is strawberry jam. thank you. scarlett, thank you. thank you very much. that was strawberry jam. sorry, buddy. [ laughter ] i am sorry. >> no, it's okay. [ elephant trumpeting ] >> jimmy: well, you know what that sound means? we're down to our last six buckets. it's time for double trouble. [ cheers and applause ] that means each of you will pick
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a bucket and we'll pour them at the same time. okay, bucket number one. what are you thinking? >> let's go with three. >> jimmy: bucket number three and -- >> number one. >> jimmy: and number one. you're talking about tara and nina. ♪ tara and -- don't pour it yet. [ laughter ] hopefully, one of these has $100 in it. tara and nina, let them have it. ♪ [ audience ohs ] >> what is this? >> jimmy: that's good. yeah, that's melted cheese. yep. >> oh, i'm snap, crackle and popping right now. >> jimmy: yeah, you are. you can actually hear the rice krispies snap crackling. [ laughter ] if you'd be quiet enough, you can hear them. [ laughter ] they actually do snap, crackle and pop. "i was talking about rice krispies." [ cheers and applause ] all right, you guys, pick two more. what are you thinking?
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>> number ten. >> jimmy: number ten. >> and let's go with 11. >> jimmy: 10 and 11. beth and leslie, come on down. ♪ let's see if one of you will have $100. please, beth and leslie, let them have it. ♪ 100? no. [ audience ohs ] no, sorry, that was not it. thank you, guys, so much. that was condensed milk and chocolate syrup. [ laughter ] well, that means it's either number five or number eight. so sorry, buddy. what are you thinking, five or eight? >> i'll go with five. >> eight. >> jimmy: all right, five and eight. here we go. come on down. i'm talking about jen and scarlett s. ♪ one of you will be $100 richer. here we go. let them have it.
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♪ there you go! [ cheers and applause ] you did it! stand up. you are a winner. [ cheers and applause ] got to feel good. looking real good. >> had to do it the hard way. >> jimmy: looking real good. you win $100. congratulations. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thank you very, very much. >> yes! and the loser -- and the loser gets a nice bucket hat. [ sad tuba ] ♪ you got that bucket hat you got that bucket hat who got that bucket hat you've got that bucket hat ♪ ♪ i say everybody wants that bucket hat ♪ people want that bucket hat baby, if you come with me ♪ ♪ bucket hat everybody, bucket hat ♪ ♪ derek jeter, bucket hat everybody, bucket hat the jets, bucket hat you got a bucket hat ♪ >> jimmy: here you go. there's your bucket hat. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for playing "models and buckets."
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we'll be right back with david duchovny, everybody! congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ looking to add a little smile to your chili ? try french's. mac and cheese need a boost ? french's helps that, too. chicken in need of cheering up? add french's to your marinade. it's a surprising way to add a little fun to your food and a whole lot of happy to your family. for recipes and valuable coupons, go to to add a little happy to almost any meal. french's. happy starts here. and she's going in with no protective gear? her hands could dry out. [ female announcer ] dawn hand renewal with olay beauty. it helps your hands seal in moisture while you do the dishes. dawn does more... [ spongecaster ] so it's not a chore.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know our first guest from his work on "the x-files" as well as his showtime television series "californication," which airs sundays at 9:00 p.m. please welcome david duchovny, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so good to see you. >> nice to see you. >> jimmy: thanks for coming back to the show. >> my pleasure. >> jimmy: it's a little snowy out there in new york. you're a new york guy, aren't you?
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>> i am. i grew up here, yeah. >> jimmy: do you like the snow? >> no, i don't. i don't like the snow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't appreciate it. >> it kind of gets in your way. it's nice for about five minutes and then it's kind of like a gray-flavored slushy. [ laughter ] not that i drink it, but if i were to. maybe you can pour that over some poor sucker's head. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] or rich sucker, it depends who wins. >> ooh. >> jimmy: 100 bones right there, man. that's pretty good. [ laughter ] i heard that you just learned how to ski. >> i did, i did. >> jimmy: me, too. >> all right. >> jimmy: i'm awful. are you awful? >> terrible. >> jimmy: i'm awful. i have a clip of me skiing with my wife. she took the video of it. >> oh wow. >> jimmy: there i am right there. yeah, and -- turn and -- [ laughter ] >> stop it right now. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: awful. i couldn't even -- i wasn't even going downhill. >> you know something? i'm better than you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what the hell are you talking about? >> at least your wife could have gone like that to make it look like it was a hill. you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] adjust the camera.
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>> jimmy: it's like i was being pulled by something. >> i could almost hear you thinking, "pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the -- yeah. >> pizza, french fries. yeah, doesn't that make you feel like an idiot? >> jimmy: i didn't know what they were saying. they were saying it all day. >> pizza, french fries. pizza, french fries. >> jimmy: you move your skis this way and it looks like a slice of pizza and you move them that way and it looks like french fries. people were yelling "pizza, french fries." i don't know what they are talking about. i'm going, "hot chocolate. i'm going back." [ laughter ] >> apparently, it confused you badly. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i've wanted to learn in front of my kids because i've want them to see me fail miserably at something. >> jimmy: yeah, you think that's good for them? >> no, no, i do. i do because, you know, they see their parents as these paragons of efficiency and competence, you know? and it's good to fall on your ass every now and then in front of them. [ laughter ] how old is your kid? do you have a kid? >> jimmy: no. no, i was just on a kiddy slope. [ laughter ] i don't have a kid. that's just me. "that's just me bein' me, man." >> well, save that video for your kid because he'll appreciate it. >> jimmy: yeah, he'll like to see that. exactly, i will. where did you go? >> your wife needs a little work with the camera operatiion. >> jimmy: at first, she had the camera -- you know, the iphone has the camera that faces the other way. she was filming herself for a while.
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[ laughter ] you were in montreal? >> yeah, yeah, we drove up. we wanted to get out of america, but we didn't want to fly. so we drove to montreal. it took about seven and a half hours. and we had to go through customs there. it's kind of like a toll booth, but customs. and i rolled down the window, and the woman said something to me. and i said, "english, please." and my wife goes, "uh, that was english." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's just very thick. >> she said something about my "vehicle", you know? i thought it was fresh or something. >> jimmy: yeah, it sounded a little dirty. yeah, you're like, "you've seen my 'vehicle'?" [ laughter ] >> "don't talk about my 'vehicle.'" so, i got off on the wrong foot. >> jimmy: "californication." >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: this is season four. you're already picked up for season five. >> yeah, we finished four. we're going to start five in april. >> jimmy: congratulations, dude. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: people like you. they like you. >> it's always surprising when people like something, isn't it? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's good. i like it.
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it's rare when people like something. >> i know. >> jimmy: and it's good. four seasons -- five seasons. >> i know. >> jimmy: it's great. and then this -- what happened? you were in jail last time? >> yeah, i took a swing at a cop. i slept with an underage girl. not in that order. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in the show? >> yeah. >> jimmy: in the show? >> in the show. >> jimmy: so what happened? >> over the seasons. >> jimmy: so this whole season, you're in a jail cell? >> well, i'm in the legal system. i'm being processed through the legal system. and carla gugino plays my lawyer, rob lowe is in the show this year. carla, rob, new actress named addison timlin. a lot of great -- every year, we get, like, a new cast that comes in to augment and it's like a new show. and it's enjoyable that way. >> jimmy: we have a clip of "californication." this is you talking to your ex. >> it's me skiing, i think. >> jimmy: it's not you. [ laughter ] >> you wouldn't happen to have any jumper cables, would you? oh, i get it. just keep on walking. i know, i ruined your life and all and i couldn't be more sorry about it. but i've got to get across town to my attorney's office where lateness is frowned upon.
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>> okay, bye. [ laughter ] >> i caught that. you wouldn't of looked if you didn't care, and you should care, you know? i'm bleeding here. i'm feeling a little faint. look, i don't hope to get back into your good graces any time soon. okay, ever. >> jimmy: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] is that real? rubber? >> it was real rubber, yeah. >> jimmy: real rubber. >> that would be a great app for a phone, right? just like a homing device so you could throw it at somebody like a boomerang. >> jimmy: yeah, that's one thing. >> apple attack. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: iattack. that's pretty good, iattack. it probably does exist. anyway, i just trademarked it. [ laughter ] last time, you were here, we talked about your basketball skills. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: and i want to take you to the test. i want to take it to the courts, take it to the streets. >> all right. >> jimmy: that's something the doobie brothers said. let's do this. we're going to have a three-point shoot-out when we come back with david duchovny, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ inner beauty is important.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i'm here with david duchovny. and we're going to go head-to-head in a random object three-point shoot-out. [ cheers and applause ] oh, man! i don't need to do that. >> okay. >> jimmy: the rules are simple. we take turns shooting random objects at the hoop. each object is worth one point. the last object, the money ball, is worth two. high score wins. let's take a look at what we're shooting tonight. we have a slinky, we have a medium pizza with everything, we have a bowl of super bouncy balls, we have a wedding cake and the money ball, table lamp. [ cheers and applause ] >> i have to confess right off the bat that i have an advantage because in high school i played in the lamp league. >> jimmy: oh, you did?
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[ laughter ] roots, a little hoop music. ♪ [ audience ohs ] not good. >> that was a little short. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nice. i'm half-slinged in there. that counts a little bit, right? >> i got to come from behind now. ♪ oh, geez. >> jimmy: there you go. see if you can fold it up. do whatever you want to do with it. >> i can fold it up? >> jimmy: sure. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that was a good one. ♪ [ audience ohs ] i'm awful. yeah. ♪
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[ audience ohs ] [ applause ] [ sad tuba ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ] all right, all right. what's the score? it's tied? it's tied. it's going to be hard, right? i heard it's heavy. >> oh, geez. it's really heavy. >> jimmy: is it heavy? don't strain yourself. ♪ [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] [ sad tuba ] >> that was on line. >> jimmy: it's really heavy. >> it was on line for sure. ♪ [ cheers ] [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did that count? all right, 3-2. here we go, the money ball. ♪ you got to make this to win it. wow! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> i told you about the lamp league. >> jimmy: oh my god! you were in the lamp league. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ audience ohs ] the winner is david duchovny! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you're a good man. "californication" airs sundays at 9:00 on showtime. greta gerwig joins us next. there she is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] build your better breakfast at subway with the $2.50 breakfast combo. get a 16oz. cup of piping-hot seattle's best coffee
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest this evening is currently up for an independent spirit award for her performance in "greenberg," opposite ben stiller. she also appears in "no strings attached" with natalie portman and ashton kutcher. that movie opens live today. please welcome back to the show greta gerwig, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: greta! >> hi. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. >> it's great to be back. i've always wanted to say that. >> jimmy: it's the first time you're saying that. >> it's the first time i've been any place two times. >> jimmy: hey, all right. [ cheers and applause ] i'm honored. [ applause ] congratulations on the independent spirit award nomination. >> oh, thank you. it was very surprising. >> jimmy: it wasn't for me because you were amazing in that movie. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: if you guys haven't seen "greenberg," you got to -- it's out on dvd, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: greta and ben stiller,
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it's a hilarious movie. she's phenomenal in it. [ applause ] you're so good in that. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: and now you're up for an award. do you have your speech all ready to go? >> no, i didn't -- i'm not preparing a speech. i think it's gonna be natalie's. i think it's going to natalie portman. >> jimmy: natalie port-monica? >> yes. >> jimmy: for -- "black swan." >> "black swan." yeah. >> jimmy: she was good. >> she deserves it. i hope she gets it. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> she's great. yeah. >> jimmy: so you're rooting against yourself? [ light laughter ] >> no, i -- i just think she was incredible and -- yeah. >> jimmy: she was good in that. gosh, she made me feel -- just -- worried watching her. [ laughter ] >> i screamed when i saw it. >> jimmy: screamed? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i just -- i still have like nightmares. i actually have tattoos on my back -- >> oh. >> jimmy: -- because of "black swan." yeah. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: little swan wings. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and the dvd cover to your movie. i'm all tattooed -- >> little ones. >> jimmy: yeah, really tiny. uber tiny ones. but, did you -- are you going to go to the awards? >> yes, i am. i'm going to go to l.a. and go to the awards and look at my name on that list and feel really great.
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>> jimmy: that's fun. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you always like -- did you watch award shows growing up? [ applause ] >> oh, yeah. i was -- i was a major award show junkie. i would watch the oscars and the golden globes and mentally project myself into the television. like, i really wanted to be there. but, then i also did that with the olympics, too. [ laughter ] and i'm not an olympian. >> jimmy: no. were you an athlete? >> i was a fencer, actually. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's not a thing you think kids immediately want to go to. >> i was a weird kid. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] you wanted to be a fencer. >> i was a bit of a renaissance woman. [ laughs ] that's how it's -- i wanted people in high school to think of me that way. and then i realized no one in high school was thinking like that at all. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] how old are you when you were fencing? >> i was like 14-15. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and competing and all that stuff? >> yeah, i competed in like national tournaments. i was really good for awhile. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: didn't jerry o'connell -- do you know he's a fencer too?
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>> yeah, i knew that. he fences sabre, though. which is a different weapon. >> jimmy: i don't understand. [ laughter ] >> well, there's different weapons. i'm nerding out now. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i'd like to know what's the different between a sabre and -- what -- >> well, there's three weapons, sabre, foil and epee. and sabre is kind of slashing and foil is -- it has a lot of rules and epee is just the first to touch. >> jimmy: yeah, epee sounds like a -- a sandwich or something. [ light laughter ] >> yeah -- no. >> jimmy: epee. >> it's a sport. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] thank you. very good. "no strings attached." >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: super fun times. good movie. >> super fun times. >> jimmy: you and mindy kaling. >> me and mindy kaling and natalie portman play fake best friends. secretly, i hope real best friends. >> jimmy: aw, yeah. i would go be friends with you. absolutely. let's look at a clip from the great greta gerwig. here we go. >> did you have a good time last night? >> it was all right. nothing special. >> stop teasing him. you guys.
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hey, champ. >> what happened last night? >> you made my body hurt so much. mm, your abs. >> emma, did i have sex with anyone in this apartment last night? >> no, you didn't. >> thank you. yeah -- that's funny. let's just -- let's make fun of the hung over naked guy. >> jimmy: very good. [ cheers and applause ] you were really good. come on, pal. >> i know. >> jimmy: our thanks to everybody's favorite actress greta gerwig, right here. [ cheers and applause ] we're cooking with lidia bastianich next. stick around. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ there she is! hey, i got a leak! yoo hoo! your husband left the seat up again! oh, wait a minute! come on, now. come back! um, miss? up here! right. so those are hard water stains, and that cleaner's not gonna cut it.
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truth is, 85% of us have hard water. you need lime-a-way, the hard water expert. unlike the leading all-purpose cleaner, lime-a-way is specially formulated to conquer hard water stains. for lime calcium and rust, lime-a-way is a must. one way i can take care of my engine? take care of your engine and it'll go far. one a day men's -- a complete multivitamin for my overall health. plus more vitamin d to help maintain healthy blood pressure. [ engine revs ] whoa. kinda makes your heart race, huh?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is one of the best-loved chefs on television. her show "lidia's italy."
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she's the best-selling author and a major league restaurateur. say hello to chef lidia bastianich. [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: oh, i love you. now, wait, what are we doing today? >> listen, you've been throwing food around all night. let's get serious. >> jimmy: okay, let's get serious. no more throwing. >> on valentine's, nancy, your wife. you told me wanted to cook for her. >> jimmy: i do. i want to make -- >> number one, a beautiful table. with a great appetizer and some wine, you begin there. but, come here. >> jimmy: all right. >> this next is the pasta. the pasta -- this pasta will get everybody's heart. so you start with sausages. can you take it out of the casing and put some here? >> jimmy: take it out of the -- the casing. >> yeah, go ahead. >> jimmy: what is the casing? it's intestines, isn't it? >> it is. can you handle that? >> jimmy: no. [ light laughter ] >> as long as it's not yours, don't worry about it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good point, actually. [ scattered applause ] that's a good point. all right, so -- >> so, you see -- >> jimmy: cool, i can take it out of the casing. mix it up. we got some onions in there? >> yes, some onions and then a little here -- tomatoes. now, i like to crush my tomatoes in my hand.
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can you get your hands in there and crush the tomatoes? you know, you want to feel with the heart. you're giving your wife everything that you can. >> jimmy: all right, slow down now. yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] whoa. >> all right. okay? you got that? >> jimmy: yeah. >> so the sausages have got a little bit of salt. >> jimmy: doesn't make it look appetizing for my wife. she can't see me do this, it's weird. >> you look fantastic. you look -- >> jimmy: it does? >> don't you get sensual with her? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now i don't want to do it anymore. it's getting weird. >> all right. >> jimmy: you just made me feel weird. >> listen, nice pepperoncino. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> hot pepper. >> jimmy: a little hot pepper always -- >> that kind of what gets the capillaries going. >> jimmy: what are you talking -- you are unbelievable today. >> get this in here. get this in here. >> jimmy: what do i do? i have this. looks like i just murdered somebody. just feels like -- feels like an episode of "dexter." >> get the tomato sauce right in here. >> jimmy: okay. tomato sauce, put it in there. >> okay. >> jimmy: here we go. >> and then the sauce looks just like this. hurry up. stir that nice. you cook that. you simmer that. now, you have to get the sauce ready beforehand. so you simmer that for about -- >> jimmy: how long do you simmer it for? >> about an hour. >> jimmy: okay. >> and then, when you finish
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with the antipasto, you have your sauce, you get the pasta. >> jimmy: look at this. >> just fish it out. don't rinse it. i mean, here is all about time. so i got the big one so i can -- >> jimmy: hey, look at that. i love that. it's a gigantic strainer. i got to say, i'm a fan of your show. i think you're awesome. i think you're super fantastic. congratulations on your restaurant, open 30 years. [ cheers ] >> that's right. 30 years. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and del posto -- listen to this, del posto your other restaurant with -- that you have with mario batali and joe bastianich, first four stars in -- italian restaurant. first four-star review in 30 something years? >> yes, it is the only restaurant -- italian restaurant with four stars. >> jimmy: hey, congratulations. [ cheers ] >> it's about time. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's my girl. >> so, listen. >> jimmy: my wife is going to love this. >> does your wife like pasta? >> jimmy: absolutely. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: sure. >> and make sure you have some good wine. >> jimmy: oh, absolutely. >> okay? >> jimmy: i'll get some good wine. let's go -- cheers. >> i want you to taste -- >> jimmy: let's get higgins over here. he loves to taste this stuff. >> a little pasta. and listen, taste pasta too, not just the wine. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: oh, okay. "lidia's italy" airs on pbs, check your local listings., lidia bastianich, everybody. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] how'd we do? good? >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. perfect. >> dessert too. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. my thanks to david duchovany, greta gerwig, lidia bastianich. [ cheers and applause ] the greatest band in late night, the roots right there, everybody. stay tuned for "carson daly." thanks for watching. have a great weekend. see you next week. [ cheers and applause ] ♪


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