tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC February 19, 2011 12:35am-1:35am PST
jimmy fallon happening rig [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: welcome. welcome. that's what i'm talking about that's what i'm talking right there. hey. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon" everybody. [ scattered cheers ] yeah. it's friday. happy friday. hey, you guys see this? during a speech yesterday, sarah palin said she still hasn't decided if she's running for president in 2012. but if she doesn't, she said she's definitely running in 2013. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i read this, the kardashian family reportedly made $65 million in 2010. it just goes to show you that hard work and focus are clearly not necessary to make $65 million. [ laughter and applause ] they're very pretty. they're very pretty. >> steve: that's $13 million a
cheek. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: we do the math. yeah. hey, listen to this. a new study found that the caramel-coloring used in brown soda could cause cancer. or as the inventor of crystal pepsi put it, "who's the idiot now?" [ laughter ] cancer-free. [ scattered applause ] this is cool. bill cosby was recognized as an honorary chief petty officer in the navy yesterday. yeah. they had an official ceremony where two more stripes were added to his sweater. [ laughter and applause ] [ as bill cosby ] "thank you for the thing. i liked to be here with the thing on the sweater with the lid and the -- [ gibberish ] [ cheers and applause ] the lid is holding -- the lid holding the pudding in the pocket." [ applause ] hey, in an interview with "harper's bazaar," hillary clinton said she tries not to miss "grey's anatomy." yeah. and then bill was like --
[ as bill clinton ] "i tried to watch it once, not enough anatomy." [ laughter ] check this out. a woman in new jersey gave birth yesterday while her cab was stuck in the lincoln tunnel. i feel bad for that baby, because he's probably like, "all right, i'm finally out of that tunnel. oh, man, another tunnel? you gotta be kidding me. [ laughter ] what am i? a russian nesting doll? what is that?" [ laughter ] i don't know how he knows what that is. >> steve: well, innate knowledge that he's born with. >> jimmy: yeah. here's some medical news, researchers at ucla may have discovered the cure for baldness. yeah. i'll tell you what -- i'll tell you what the real cure for baldness is, fellas, confidence. [ laughter and applause ] this is crazy.
a prison inmate in florida smuggled a cigarette, chap stick, six matches, a cvs receipt, a couple of pills, and a coupon in his rectum. [ audience groans ] i know it's weird to keep all of that junk. but this guy is so anal. [ laughter ] he's -- he wants to make sure he's got everything. [ light laughter ] they almost found -- >> steve: he kept the receipt! >> jimmy: they almost found what as -- >> steve: he kept the receipt. >> jimmy: he almost found everything that was in his couch cushion and -- [ light laughter ] -- put it between his cushions and then -- [ light laughter ] hey, finally, a company here in new york gave cell phones to four homeless men, so they could tweet their thoughts for the next month. yeah. one of them already tweeted their first thought, "where can i sell this phone?" [ laughter ] ladies ans and gentlemen, greatw tonight. give it up for the roots.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, happy friday. happy long weekend! you guys, before we get started, we got some big news here. our "late night with jimmy fallon" app is finally available for android. [ cheers and applause ] finally. it's totally free. just go to android market or visit our website, latenightwithjimmyfallon.com. we got "axl rose relaxation tapes" on there. so you can go to sleep to the great soothing sounds of axl rose. we have "bieber yourself." where you take a picture and you can move the bieber hair around so you can tweet that out to your friends. what else do we have? "moldova, yes or no" is a great one. it tells you, use your gps and tells you if you are in fact in moldova or not. [ laughter ]
it is a great app, so check it out. go to market place and get that. it's free, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] we have such a great finish for the week. one of my all-time favorites, from the "today" show and "dateline: nbc," the lovely ann curry is here. [ cheers and applause ] a super, super funny man, the one and only comedian patrice o'neal is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] he's got a comedy central special. he's a funny dude. i love that guy. we got some great, great music from raekwon featuring ghostface killah. [ cheers and applause ] come on. all little wu. come on. guys, today is friday. that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. you know, check my inbox, return some e-mails, and, of course, send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] i'm running a bit behind today and i thought you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write my weekly thank you notes, right now. is that okay? [ cheers and applause ] hey, roots can i get some thank you note writing music please? ♪ [ light laughter ]
oh. what a confident gentleman that guy is. yeah, just confidence. here we go. ♪ [ light laughter ] thank you, monday, for being president's day, a day we get off of the work to honor the lives of washington and lincoln by getting wasted sunday night and sleeping till 3:00 in the afternoon. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you, this dog from the westminster kennel dog show. [ light laughter ] you didn't win "best in show," but you did win dog "that most resembled snooki." [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> steve: come on. shores! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, this week's 135th westminster kennel dog show at madison square garden. just think, 136 years ago, someone said, "you know what america needs?" and someone replied, "to treat black people better?" they said, "well, that too. but more importantly, we definitely need a dog show. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we'll get to that. look how cute these dogs are though." ♪ thank you, the four dummy guys for identifying the subjects i want to learn about and then insulting me. [ light laughter ]
♪ thank you, person i'm waving to, because i thought they were waving hello to me but really he was waving to someone behind me. [ laughter ] that's cool. i got it covered. i'll just pretend i was waving at someone behind you. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ ♪ thank you, magazine racks. [ music stops ] [ laughter ] ♪ thank you contestants on "the bachelor" who miraculously fall in love while going on dates in exotic places. you want to know if your love is real? see how you feel about a mall in delaware. [ laughter ]
♪ >> jimmy: thank you, subway, for claiming that you have exclusive rights to the term "footlong." [ laughter ] damn, if no one else can use the term "footlong," what am i supposed to call my -- [ cheers and applause ] -- my sandwiches. [ laughter ] 12 inchers? >> steve: yeah. yeah. this was worth it, yeah. >> steve: yeah. that's not too long of a drive, you know what i mean? you didn't stop -- nothing stopped. the whole show didn't stop. >> jimmy: the show didn't stop. >> steve: no. and when you reach down and got them, brought them out, it was like art. [ light laughter ] like watching ernie kovac or something. you know what i mean? it was like television history.
you people were here to see it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and the winner for "best bit" -- ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, justin bieber's movie, "never say never" for being in 3d. not because it made you more visually dynamic, but because with the 3d glasses on, no one could tell i was crying. [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. those are my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more of "late night." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ naomi pryce: i am. i'm in the name your own price division. i find empty hotel rooms and help people save -
>> - up to 60% off. i am familiar. your name? > naomi pryce. >> what other "negotiating" skills do you have? > i'm a fifth-degree black belt. >> as am i. > i'm fluent in 37 languages. >> (indistinct clicking) > and i'm a master of disguise >> as am i. > as am i. >> as am i. > as am i. >> well played naomi pryce. what could possibly hold together all the natural energy found in peanuts? caramel works. payday. crunchy roasted peanuts and soft chewy caramel come together to give you sweet energy. payday. the sweet taste of energy.
[click, motor hums] - doug pierce. lives in tornado alley. - hobby? - collects stamps. - excellent. - annette thompson. small business owner. hates cantaloupe. - good. - the lee family: twins. with another on the way. - mazel tov. - that's meatloaf. - hmm. [click] that's still meatloaf. - very good. moving on. - we are insurance. - ♪ we are farmers ♪ bum di bum bum bum bum bum ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to our show, everybody. you see the first guest every morning as the news anchor of on the "today" show right here on nbc. she also serves as the anchor of "dateline nbc." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our pal, ann curry.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, i love you guys. >> jimmy: ann curry. >> so, good. so good. >> jimmy: they are the greatest, right? >> yeah. i like the bald. good. perfect. >> jimmy: see, very confident guy. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: we tried to help your alma mater out. >> i noticed, yeah. you did. you did it with such passion. >> jimmy: yeah, we were really good. >> and -- and you -- and the ducks love you for that. i mean, i'm a university of oregon graduate. so i'm a duck. >> jimmy: yeah. yes. >> and it's a frightening mascot. it's frightening. >> jimmy: yeah, really scary. >> and you embraced it. and you wore those really tight pants really well. >> jimmy: very, very tight pants. absolutely, yes.
i did like a dance move with the duck for like a -- and i consider that work. it was pretty fun. >> yeah. duckers. >> jimmy: speaking of fun, different things. you recently did the runway. you walked a runway in fashion week. >> oh, that's right. i did it for a good cause. it was about, you know, heart disease. and so, i was wearing read for -- to sort of bring the attention. like my father had heart disease. anyway, so, but i have to tell you that i would much rather be on a -- you know, warzone wearing, you know, cargo pants then you know a catwalk. it is freaky! >> jimmy: is it scary? >> even at the end of it, because first of all, you're wearing a dress that's like longer than your shoes. >> jimmy: look how pretty. look at this. >> oy, oy. >> jimmy: ooh-lala. [ cheers and applause ] gorgeous. >> it's scary. it's scary. don't do it. i don't think i'll ever do it again. it's the first time. i think it's the last. >> jimmy: were you nervous? >> totally. schvitzing. >> jimmy: schvitzing. >> i mean, really -- very -- see that red spot? that little white spot. yeah, really, totally. >> jimmy: but i mean, do you get any training or do you just like practice in your apartment? >> well, i didn't train. and i didn't think about it until i got there. and i kind of walk like a truck driver. you saw me walk -- no, really. i kind of walk like -- >> jimmy: come on. >> no, no compared to the -- >> jimmy: truck drivers -- you came out blowing kisses. >> no, no. but no. no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what a truck driver does. >> i don't walk like that -- you know, the beautiful model walking down --
right, so right as you're going on to the runway, they try to tell you, you know, you need to give a little sexy move. i said, "a sexy move?" they said, "yeah, you know, you need to do a little -- put your feet together like this and kind of at the end of the runway kind of do one of these things, right?" so i'm like thinking like, "i didn't practice this thing." so, i'm walking down the runway thinking, "i gotta do this at the very end." i get to the very end and as i'm doing this like sexy thing, all i'm think about is, "everybody is watching me is thinking, 'oh, is that all you got?'" that's it. >> jimmy: come on now. come on. >> that's -- no, seriously. >> jimmy: i bet you people -- >> i was really -- yeah, i was nervous. >> jimmy: can you do it for us? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] oh, come on! come on. >> okay, i'm gonna walk. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: whoa! hey! that was good. >> no -- >> jimmy: we think it's sexy. >> i'm not gonna show you my real sexy -- but that was really scary. >> jimmy: come on. that was pretty sexy. >> can you do the sexy now? [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my goodness. >> jimmy: that wasn't so much sexy as, "i got a phone call. didn't know where i was." and realized and said, "oh, don't worry. i didn't forget about you." >> that was nice. >> jimmy: that was my move at the end there. >> she's on the other end of the line. >> jimmy: i could never do anything like that in my life. >> scary. and there were a lots of -- >> jimmy: they're all fashion people. >> they were yelling. exactly. 'cause i thought there would be like 30 people. i don't know why. it's a charity, i was thinking a small group. i got there, found out it that it was, you know -- 1,000 people were there. >> jimmy: yeah. and high pressure. >> and movie stars were there. >> jimmy: yeah, i remember i sat there and you did the whole runway fashion lasted around ten minutes or less. >> yeah. >> jimmy: because of all of the people running through. >> right. right. >> jimmy: but they take it so seriously. and i remember i was in the front row once. and i -- i have big feet and my shoes were kind of -- the tips were kind of sticking
into the runway? >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh, that's not good. >> jimmy: people were screaming. they're like, "get your butt off the runway!" i was like, "i don't know what" -- so, i kind of -- sit sideways. i was like, "i can't make my feet smaller." >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know what to do. >> yeah. because he's very tall. that's a long to fall when you're walking -- >> jimmy: it's not -- tripping or any of -- it's just a bonkers thing. but for you pressure is nothing. you go on vacation kind of with george clooney. it's not vacation, but it's working but -- come on look at that. [ cheers and applause ] >> it was a vacation. >> jimmy: look at you on a boat. the wind blowing in your hair. george clooney. >> you know, we're actually in sudan. we're on the nile river and he's -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> no, seriously. no, it was a vacation. >> jimmy: -- you are. >> yeah, he was doing some very important work there. i was enjoying myself. >> jimmy: how do you travel with george clooney? it must be high pressure, too. >> it is. well, you know, the mission was very clear. we were trying to talk about the possibilities of a war breaking out in sudan. and he was very driven. but, you know, there are definitely moments when you're working with this incredibly handsome man. you're sitting down with him, right? you're trying to do the interview with him. and you've got to get past the
fact that he's so freaking good looking. you're like, "you know" -- [ applause ] he's got the eye thing and you know, he's got this little upturn in his lip, you know when he's smiling and everything. and at one point, he actually reached over, you know, he kind of like touched my hair right before the interview. he goes, "oh, let me fix that." i go, "oh, really? oh, george, thank you. what's going on here?" and he said, "oh, just a gray hair was sticking out." [ audience groans ] [ laughter ] that happened! that actually happened. thank you, george clooney, very much! take me down! take me down! [ sad tuba ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that makes me laugh. >> "okay. okay, so now i'm over how good you look." >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> i'm over it. no, he's very, very cool. and i think for those people who think that he is, you know, really driven for good motivations. he's very cool. you're absolutely right. and p.s., can i tell you something? i didn't bring out a camera, but at the camp we were staying at which by the way the bathroom is filled with live frogs. that's the bathroom. this guy was picking up the trash without any fanfare.
you know, just doing the thing. >> jimmy: he's just good guy, right? >> doing the camp thing. yeah, a good guy. >> jimmy: i've seen him a couple of times. he's walk past me a few times. [ light laughter ] and very, very nice walking past me. >> you've got the -- you've got the -- you've got the aura. you've got the george clooney aura. >> jimmy: thank you, finally! [ cheers and applause ] someone finally -- i've been -- say it. >> yes. and can i tell you something. i was swag that you gave me, the shirt that you gave me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, i twitpic'd it and all these twitter bozos -- not bozos -- [ laughter ] these people came back and they said they all came back and they said, "you know, he's cute. just cute." >> jimmy: aw, come on. stop. >> yeah. yeah. totally love you. >> jimmy: you're huge on twitter. i mean, gigantic on twitter. you have so many followers, but you also got the honor -- it was most powerful tweet of the year. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, that was -- can you explain what that was? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that was cool. >> it was a cool thing because it was about -- we were in haiti. and what happened is that the -- because of the earthquake, there was no air control towers. so, the air force came in and set up a c-130 to create a sort of air traffic control system.
but they weren't letting doctors without borders land. and doctors without borders is the best at, in a disaster, bringing in medical care. so i -- you know, i basically tweeted the u.s. air force -- at u.s. air force, "let doctors without borders land. they're the best of this." and it wasn't my influence, it was the fact that -- i mean, thousands of people saw that. they wanted to do something about haiti. and they re-tweeted it. the goodness of people on twitter is just remarkable. and that's what made -- and guess what? the planes were allowed to land. the pentagon people called me up on the phone. they landed the plane. and i heard some of the doctors without borders people, lives were saved. so, i mean, it's just awesome. >> jimmy: i mean, now come on. that's from twitter. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, but that's -- that's the people on twitter. that's the people who started twitter. and the fact that the air force was willing to do that, so -- >> jimmy: that's super cool. i was looking through some of your other tweets which are pretty powerful as well.
one was, "okay, got to say bruno mars and usher are wow." [ laughter ] >> well, it was the grammy's right? >> jimmy: that's pretty powerful. yeah. they were pretty much wow. >> yeah, i think everybody -- yeah, i think everybody -- they were. >> jimmy: i love that -- you're so fun. >> so you think they were wow? >> jimmy: oh, i thought they were great. >> so wow. i thought bruno was really hitting -- i mean with the drums. he was hitting the drums. >> jimmy: oh, he was playing everything. >> jimmy: do you -- can i ask you, are you artistic in any way? >> i have drawn in my history, yes. i've never been awarded or had a class -- >> jimmy: no. >> why? >> jimmy: well, i was just asking, because i was wondering if you'd like to play "pictionary" with me when we come back? >> come on. >> jimmy: right. >> bring it on! >> jimmy: let's do this. all right. [ cheers and applause ] let's do this. >> okay. >> jimmy: when we get back ann curry and i are playing "pictionary." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
ate something loaded with fat? we got a beef with that. 25 of our campbell's chunky soups give you 100% lean meat and a full serving of vegetables. so, come on. have the chunky soup from campbell's. it's amazing what soup can do.™ curtis: welcome back to geico gecko: caller steve, go right ahead. steve: yeah, um, i just got a free rate quote on geico.com, saved a ton, and it only took me 5 minutes and 12 seconds! steve: i was wondering, is that some sort of record? gecko: that's a good question. let's have a look. curtis: mmmm, not quite. someone's got you beat by 8 seconds. gecko: still, i mean, that's... that's quite fast! steve: well, what if i told you i only used one hand?
anncr: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. >> going to a job interview, i make sure i've got the right guidance. it's the same with my taxes. turbotax has a unique gps feature that guides me step-by-step. and calculations are guaranteed 100% accurate. they even offer audit support. and help me reach my maximum refund, guaranteed. >> man: try turbotax now.
>> jimmy: very good. you are ann curry's teammate. here's my teammate. what's your name and where are you from? >> i'm lana epstein. i'm from frenchtown, new jersey. >> jimmy: yeah, new jersey. [ scattered cheers ] that's what i'm talking about, lana. let's do this. all right, here we go. the rules are simple. each player gets a turn sketching clues to their teammates. when it's your turn, you pick a clue, announce if it's an action, object, person, or phrase. and you can't talk anymore. and you just have to draw. you 40 seconds on the clock per turn. each round is worth a point. may the best team win -- our team. [ light laughter ] ann, your team can go first. >> oh, how generous of you. all right. >> jimmy: chivalry is not dead. >> okay, so i'm going to go over. you sit down -- >> jimmy: i'm no george clooney, but please. [ laughter ] >> no, you are. okay, so i pick one of these numbers. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and i'm going to pick this number. i'm not going to show you what it is. it's an action. okay. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. >> ready, is the clock ticking? >> jimmy: all right, is the clock on yet? okay, here we go, we're going. >> okay. >> 140. >> jimmy: what? is that legal? >> yeah, why is that not legal?
>> jimmy: i don't know. >> fish? >> jimmy: that's a -- that's a word -- i guess. >> it's a bird? bird? 140. [ laughter ] what? it's flying. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ann, nice try. oh! oh, i got it. >> surfing. [ laughter ] typing keys. bird. [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] >> i think that's a good iceberg. >> jimmy: that was great. was it tweet. tweeting? >> tweeting. yes, tweeting. >> oh. i don't -- i don't tweet. >> that's fine. no, that's fine. >> jimmy: well, it was -- why, i didn't do anything? >> i'm sorry. >> no, no, no, eric. come on, it's okay. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> you're totally good. >> jimmy: don't lie to him. it was so awful. [ laughter ] >> we're going so win. >> jimmy: all right, lana, none of that business. audience, which one?
what do i go for? [ scattered cheers ] i got it. you're joking. [ laughter ] oh, okay. okay, it's a phrase. >> okay. >> jimmy: yeah. okay. >> uh -- >> jimmy: already, we're in trouble? [ laughter ] >> it's a phrase? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] what are you laughing at? >> your drawing is just so pathetic, i have to say.
actually, no, the tv's not bad. >> if you watch tv in a thunderstorm, then -- [ laughter ] >> audience: five, four, three, two, one -- [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: we're the worst at this game. yours is much better -- >> is it, the weather in your neck of the woods? is it -- >> yeah! >> jimmy: the weather your neck of the woods? >> see, i thought -- i knew it was al roker. >> jimmy: see, yeah, that was roker. that was roker. >> that's the thing. he's lost so much weight. it's hard to figure out who he is. it's your turn to go up. >> jimmy: yeah, it's eric's turn. >> okay, my job -- just pick one. >> jimmy: so sorry, eric, that was embarrassing. please don't say anything. i'm so upset.
>> all right, pick one? >> okay, just pick any number, and then tell us what it is -- it'll say. >> this is a person? oh, should we change the paper? yeah, we're going change the paper. there you go. and, the clock -- >> jimmy: please get rid of that awful -- it was an awful television. right? you were 14 years old. don't know what a tv looks like. looks like that? that looks like an old man's tv set. you have to draw a flatscreen or something. i don't know what the hell i drew, and it looked like an etch-a-sketch! it's like an alien or something. you're like, "what is that, old man?" >> but i still got it, so, you know. >> jimmy: "oh, it's a phonograph." awful. >> it's like one of those tv things. >> jimmy: gosh, so stupid! >> okay, is the clock ticking? are you trying to bust our clock. >> jimmy: no, i'm not. >> yeah, okay. >> jimmy: clock started yet? no, here we go. >> ready, okay. okay, ready? >> go, eric. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. that looks just like him. >> okay. al roker. what did he say it was, a phrase? >> jimmy: it's a person. >> a person, okay. madonna? [ laughter ] madonna. well, a --
a person -- a person holding a baby who's thinking about something in the clouds. [ laughter ] it is a very unhappy mother. it's a -- it's a person we know, right? a person we know, yes? yes? yes? >> audience: three, two, one! [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] >> i don't know. >> jimmy: a ventriloquist? >> yes. >> jimmy: a ventriloquist. it's a ventriloquist. that was good. >> oh, it's a ventriloquist. >> jimmy: all right. it's all right. >> i was thinking that was a particular person. >> next one, next one. >> oh, no, no. 0-0. >> jimmy: no, you -- 0-0. no one's scored. >> no one's scored. >> jimmy: lana, no pressure. [ laughter ] this is for the win, right here. oh, man. >> okay, here we go. >> jimmy: i got a lot of redeeming to do after i drew that awful television. >> this is an action. >> okay, action. >> jimmy: action.
start the clock! ooh, mountain climbing. fist pumping. hold on a second. [ laughter ] violation? man. whoa, whoa! [ laughter ] [ bongo drums ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: what is going on? >> what is going on?! >> i can't -- oh, i don't know what that -- [ applause ] >> the horror! [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] oh, oh. -- out on the table. >> jimmy: what is it? >> arm wrestling. >> jimmy: arm wrestling? oh, yeah, yeah. >> that's how they, like, score it -- that's how they like -- >> jimmy: one person is bent -- one person in a weird position.
shouldn't they face each other when they arm wrestle? [ laughter ] weird type of arm wrestling in new jersey. we're give it to ann curry right there. you got the win. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you're amazing, please. you're so cute. ann curry, check her out weekdays on the "today" show. patrice o'neal joins us next. come on back! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thanks to the venture card from capital one,
we get double miles on every purchase. so we earned a trip to new orleans twice as fast! bebebebebebaaa! we get double miles every time we use our card, no matter what we're buying. i'll take it. and since double miles add up fast, we can bring the whole gang. fire! [ garth ] it's hard to beat double miles! have you seen garth? oh! [ male announcer ] get the venture card from capital one. money magazine's best rewards card if you aim to rack up airline miles. what's in your wallet? bebebebebebaaa!
if you aim to rack up airline miles. i love my pet bald eagle brock, my bison sara, i love my pick-up with the custom constitution paint job... i celebrate jury duty... i love america so much, i'm making an all american jack combo two jumbo patties, with melting cheese, lettuce, tomato and pickles, plus fries and a drink for only $4.99. i've celebrated every american tradition...except one... spring break cancun yo!!!!!!!! try the all american jack and enter to win an all-american spring break for you and 10 of your friends.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny comedian. he's a regular on sirius xm's "opie and anthony show." i like those guys. he's got his own one-hour comedy central special "elephant in the room" premiering tomorrow night at 10:00 p.m. give it up for patrice o'neal. ♪ ♪ i'm a creep i'm a weirdo what the hell am i doing here? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: great to have you here. >> well done for a lot of white people. well done. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is your first time here? thanks for coming to our show. >> thank you. this is my first tv in about four years. i just decided to quit. but i came back, because you're
a very galvanizing, polarizing dude, man. >> jimmy: thank you so much. i appreciate -- [ light laughter ] >> i'm serious. you don't understand. it's a lot of courage on your show. first of all, it's a show with blacks and asians on it, today. we're arch enemies. [ laughter ] and to have that woman on, to have me on, to have a black tuba player -- [ light laughter ] people don't understand how courageous you have to be to be a black tuba player. tuba player? >> jimmy: yeah, it's not easy. tuba gooding jr. >> i know you trying to -- [ laughter ] i know you trying to be a cool guy. but people should know what you went through to be what you are, a funk band rap tuba player. and it's very difficult to do that. and i want you to know that. >> jimmy: he's the greatest. he is the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] >> and may i say one last thing about quest. and this is another reason why i thank you for having me. but i really wanted to do this. quest, this is talking about courage.
you freed me up for something in my life for a long time. you did a show about -- you know, it was an nwa thing and you was commenting about them. and you said something that i felt my whole life and never had the courage to say. "when i first saw nwa, i was scared." and you admitted that. like, you -- [ laughter ] listen, man, and -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> he said, "i thought they were going to kick my ass." and i felt the same way, but i didn't say it when i was -- i was just like, "straight out of where?" [ laughter ] and it was -- you freed me -- i'm not lying. you freed me up to like, go, man -- that -- that's what i'm saying. it's just -- a lot of people don't understand how rough it is to be not black if you're black. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't look at me.
don't look at me. [ laughter ] >> that's what i'm saying. you do a lot of galvanizing stuff. you do a lot of -- you're political, but you're not political. you do a lot of stuff, man. and no show, if you google "asian black ghostface killah news and comedian in ohio --" >> jimmy: yeah. >> this is the only show that will come up. this is the only thing -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's -- the only place it could happen is here. yeah. >> i'm telling you. don't underestimate yourself. but anyway -- >> jimmy: thank you. >> jimmy: "elephant in the room," a comedy central special. this is a one-hour special. with you just being -- >> and i named it that because i'm fat. it -- [ laughter ] if i wasn't fat -- listen to me, if i wasn't fat and i was a regular-sized person and i call it "elephant in the room," that's a corny, like, self-congratulatory thing to go, "i say the things that people --" it's the double entendres for
the haters who got something to go -- "ah-hah, he fat!" but -- [ laughter ] it's for somebody else to go, "oh, it's a cool name." like, fat joe had an album like that. and i wanted to call it "800-pound gorilla." but i thought that was unfair to white people to have to be that mature to listen to that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think you're over-thinking these titles. i really do. [ laughter ] >> you have to over-think! >> jimmy: i think you're over-thinking these titles. >> you can't live and not over-think. >> jimmy: "elephant in the room" is a great title. because it actually -- i didn't take it as because you're a fat person. >> because you're-- but, see, it's a double -- >> jimmy: yeah, you're saying the thing that's in the room but no one wants to say. everyone is like, "okay." >> but i'm also overweight. >> jimmy: it's a double whammy. >> bam! that's what i'm saying. it's for people to focus on something and -- >> jimmy: you get two laughs. you get a bonus laugh. >> that's what i'm saying, man. >> jimmy: you get a bonus laugh just for the title. they didn't watch it yet and they're laughing. >> and i never watch anything i've ever done. it's just move on. >> jimmy: why? >> this is the first thing i've ever not had those, you know -- you watch yourself and go, "eh." >> jimmy: get the creeps. >> yeah. this is the first thing -- so
i'm very proud of it. and i -- >> jimmy: it's good stuff. i saw you at the -- i think it was the chicago comedy festival. and you were working some of this stuff out. and gosh, it was funny. you do -- you talk about a lot of things that a lot of people don't talk about. >> well, that's why nobody knows me. that's why a lot of people thought i was a woman. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no one thought patrice o'neal was a woman. >> watch this, man. how many people knew me before i came out here? [ cheers and applause ] one, two -- three. seven! >> jimmy: seven. that's more than seven people. >> how many knew -- how many thought patrice o'neal was a lovely white girl? or an irish -- [ laughter and applause ] thank you for being honest! it is what it is! >> jimmy: that's kind of what it's all about. >> rubbing his face like, "when are we going to see something else that relates to me?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> no more, buddy. because ghostface and raekwon is coming, so you might as well leave. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he won't like it. he won't like it.
what -- what things do you address in your special? what subjects? >> of course, race. of course, sexism. i'm a bit of a -- this is a lot of stuff i talk about. i'm into isms. i'm a big-time -- i'm a sexist, i'm a racist. but it's fun. [ laughter ] i don't know how to explain it. >> jimmy: i think you just did. that's pretty good. [ laughter ] >> i have some beliefs that i like to, you know, i just get into. and there's one that's harassment day. i think men and women should discuss harassment and whether or not it's as bad as it, you know -- i mean, there are some women that would love to be harassed. and i'm not talking about grabbed, but, just like, "hey, cutie pie, you're looking good. and maybe i can date you or something." i discuss that. i discuss natalee holloway. won't get into that. 'cause there's plenty of natalee holloways here tonight. i'm not going to get into that. [ light laughter ]
do you see -- but this is -- you see this reaction? this is why no one knows me 'cause -- [ laughter ] 'cause white people go, "ew!" [ laughter ] listen, he said a joke earlier. it was a great joke about black people getting treated better, about the dog, westminster dog -- don't lie to yourselves! did you see how uncomfortable you were? you went -- [ laughter ] white people, all this is your fault. it ain't my fault. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'm telling you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that was a great joke. phenomenal. >> jimmy: thank you. >> but it's just -- white people need to loosen up, man. >> jimmy: we're loosening up. >> i mean, really. you loosened up. >> jimmy: president obama, we have -- >> you gave that a two-year shot. it is over. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: really? >> it's done. he's got two more years. that's why he goes on so many vacations. he knows it's finished. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i mean -- what do you think? >> was it the applause sign, or they just clapped on their own? [ laughter ] you're finished with him. >> jimmy: i love that -- i support the president. i like the president. >> can't deal with a black boss, man. he has to go, man. but god bless him. it was good to be alive to see it. >> jimmy: yeah, it was. >> jimmy: but i -- i've got to say -- i get what you're saying. and i got -- there's so many points like this and more. you will laugh until you're crying out loud. how funny. patrice o'neal. "elephant in the room," you guys. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night! dvd out tuesday. patrice o'neal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ deja: i look c-u-t-e, whatever my locale.
when i get a mani/pedi or a root canal. i'm super c-u-t-e, every single day. knock, knock. it's the neighborhood hottie. dj garcia: (fast) c'mon ya'll. hi-tai 7: check her out at the checkout. deja: i'm looking super cute in any life situation. these jeans just saved me from a traffic citation. anncr: be super cute in old navy jeans. now from just $19.50. >> ( beeping ) ( beeping stops ) >> announcer: free is better. do your simple return for free with the federal free edition at turbotax.com. turbotax. the most trusted brand of tax software. where to go for a quiet get away. [ male announcer ] thanks to the orbitz matrix display, you can make more knowledgeable decisions when booking vacation packages. ♪ see all your hotel and flight options and savings for the ideal vacation. perfect. [ male announcer ] when you orbitz, you know.
perfect. looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can afford. to steer clear of the confusion, go to metlife.com in less than 5 minutes, you'll get straight answers. like how much life insurance you really need and how much it costs. so, no matter where you end up buying, you'll make the best decision for your family. get guarantees for the if in life. from metlife. call 1-888-metlife for your free quote with no pressure or obligation.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey. our next guest is here tonight to give us a preview of his upcoming album, "shaolin vs. wu-tang," which will be out on march 8th. performing the song, "rock 'n' roll" with a little help from ghostface killah and the roots, please welcome, raekwon. ♪ >> uh-huh. come on. ♪ what is it hey little mama i got some of this bon jovi you know me ♪
♪ got you flying in the air like we're living on a bird we're on the corner serving them rock 'n' roll ♪ ♪ rock 'n' roll rock 'n' roll post it on the corner with the rock 'n' roll ♪ ♪ rock n' roll willie nelson who run with crocodile hair cowboy rack ♪ ♪ hammer can't trust me diamonds on from ghana boca raton with the middle name ♪ ♪ lex pop my lama movie get made in hd mick and in '83 i'ma scout faces ♪ ♪ so straight there's nothing you can do with my real [ bleep ] not the ones i rest ♪ ♪ my hand with my son two wheel scooters that new floating through ♪ ♪ the beverly center all these is high power bob dylan style ♪ post it up front mess the titanium hustler switch color ♪ ♪ most of them rich brothers are only on and switch nuggets luggage is the ♪ ♪ real [ bleep ] who kill [ bleep ] [ bleep ] is nothing blow a blunt be [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ hey little mama little mama i got some of that bon jovi
you know me ♪ ♪ i'm flying in the air like we're living on a prayer we're on the corner serving them rock 'n' roll ♪ ♪ rock 'n' roll rock 'n' roll post it on the corner with the rock 'n' roll ♪ ♪ rock 'n' roll hey little mama everything platinum even my baggage who ♪ ♪ want a platinum rap then go see larry like the yellow hat, yellow nick ♪ ♪ and looking like me will he level that pretty long hair sucking -- like the ♪ ♪ put bobby brown on speed dial his ex girl stay on his checkbook ♪ ♪ i got that pretty baby little mama i got the bomb call me tom brady ♪ ♪ move like a runningback 21 time is it know how to crucify you should pay homage ♪ ♪ said it's too potent make me feel like vomiting the black white can give me 5 ♪ ♪ pop the champagne pay for the game i got the pink floyd ozzy all day ♪ ♪ and i ain't even mention my deals cause i don't wanna have you freaked out ♪ ♪ over this real [ bleep ] hey little mama
i got some of that bon jovi you know me i'm flying in the air like we're living on a prayer ♪ ♪ we're on the corner serving them rock 'n' roll rock 'n' roll rock 'n' roll ♪ ♪ post it on the corner with the rock 'n roll rock 'n' roll [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: raekwon! ghostface! raekwon, look for his album "shaolin vs. wu-tang" in stores, march 8th. we'll be right back. ♪