stone temple pilots. nice job, gentlemen. thank you, man. that was great. thank you so much. >> appreciate it. >> jay: thank you, guys. that was really good. i want to thank my guests -- julianne moore, of course, billy gardell, stone temple pilots with chester bennington. tomorrow night, terry bradshaw will be here. but "jimmy fallon" happening right now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> steve: from studio 6a in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, everybody. welcome.

that's so nice. this is a hot crowd. i love this, great new york city crowd right there. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. that's me. hi. how are you doing, pal? nice to see you. first off, i just want to say happy birthday to tariq right there. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we're going to have a fun show tonight. here's what people are talking about. you guys, this whole government shutdown thing is still going on. it's just insane. last night president obama had an hour-long meeting with republicans and democrats and they still were unable to end the situation. so don't worry, while the shutdown is putting people out of work and costing people taxpayers millions of dollars, lawmakers did spend a whole hour trying to fix it. [ applause ] so we're trying. we're trying has hard as -- here's good news. this week disney world said it

would help its employees sign up for obama care. yeah. disney world -- they're going to help. so finally sneezy can get some claritin, sleepy can get some adderall and grumpy can get some prozac. [ cheers and applause ] they need it, those dwarfs. that's right, disney world said they'd help employees sign up for obama care. though it was awkward when they asked about pre-existing conditions and goofy was like, "syphilis." >> steve: say what? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: um, i don't know how much you guys know about obama care, but the way it's supposed to work is that people can choose between several different price plans -- bronze, silver, gold and platinum. but if none of those work for you, president obama actually introduced a few other plans that are even cheaper. like, here's a few of them right here. and the coverage you can expect from these. first, we have the cubic zirconium plan.

instead of a detailed mole check, your dermatologist gives you a bottle of sunscreen and offers to "do" your back. i don't know what that means. do my back? next is the cement plan. makes it legal for you to take someone else's medication if they feel like they're done with it. i think i'm healthy now. want these pills? take it. after that there's the wood plan. with that one, the doctor just looks at you and goes, "eh, probably nothing." [ laughter ] next we have the what evs plan. that's where a cashier at walgreens guesses what's wrong with you. [ cheers ] "menopause? i don't know." and lastly, there's the cardboard plan. it's just a card with webmd.com on the front. that'll tell you what's wrong. some good options. people are still talking about

the big "breaking bad" finale last sunday. did you guys see that? that was great, wasn't it? [ cheers ] it was fantastic. i read today they're planning on making a spanish language version of "breaking bad" down in colombia. colombia, yeah. it's about a crazed man who builds an empire on the drug trade or as that's called in colombia, "the news." [ laughter ] this is nice, but i didn't even know about this place, but there's a toy hall of fame. did you guys know about that? yeah, a toy hall of fame in rochester, new york. i saw that the game clue and the magic eight ball are both finalists to be inducted this year. yeah. because if there's anything that defines the fun of toys, it's murder and a ball that crushes your dreams. isn't it? [ applause ] i don't know. i don't know what's the thing about this, but apparently kfc is coming out with a new to-go packet for its chicken that can fit in your car's cup holder. they say great for people on the go. though if you're someone who is

eating chicken out of the cup holder, do you really have to be anywhere? i mean -- [ laughter ] eating chicken out of a cup. >> steve: yeah, come on. >> jimmy: kfc is not the only one doing this now. other fast food restaurants are also releasing car-friendly products. take a look, taco bell is coming out with a new drinkable burrito. you have, popeye's is releasing original recipe drumsticks stick shift and pizza hut is coming out with the meat lover's pizza steering wheel, which should be great with a side of meatballs to go. on the go, got to get the food in there. >> steve: you've got to get it in. that's stuffed crust, too. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i found this a little surprising here. a new study found that teenagers actually make better decisions than senior citizens. really? because last time i checked we didn't have any shows called "85 and pregnant." "i really got myself in some trouble this time." [ laughter ]

"i'm going to make a porno." [ laughter ] this is really interesting. i've been doing this for years, but now they've done some research and they found that because it makes you think positive thoughts throwing salt over your shoulder can actually prevent bad luck. yeah. or at least give you better luck than the guy behind you. it's like, "hey what's this?" "salt, man." and finally -- >> he was "a-salted." [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: he was a-salted. >> steve: i didn't want to say it. >> jimmy: no, yeah. you didn't want to say it. you just had to. >> steve: i had to. >> jimmy: you had to, yeah. sorry. there you go. there you go. you're doing it for the country, that's good. i appreciate that, higgins. thank you. and finally, there's a theory out now that says the third year of marriage is the happiest. and the people who came up with this actually prepared a visual time lapse of what an average face looks like over the course of marriage year by year. here's what it looks after one

year. looks pretty happy. here is the same guy after two years of marriage. a little happier. here he is after three years looking very happy. and here's the same man after four years. [ laughter and applause ] we have great show tonight! give it up for the roots. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great, great show tonight. we love it. she's going to be our neighbor soon. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: she's getting a daytime talk show and going to be actually shooting in this exact studio, yeah. it will be fun to have her as a neighbor. she's one of the best journalists out there. meredith vieira is stopping by. we love her. [ cheers and applause ] and we're going to talk and cook with my good friend, gosh, this guy is a busy, busy man, he's a talented guy. mario batali will be here

tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's smart, he's funny, he cooks. >> steve: a delight, a delight. >> jimmy: he's a good dude. hey, guys, it's time for "late night" hashtags. ♪ hashtags hashtags hahstags hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: you guys are on twitter, right? [ cheers ] twitter's fun. we use twitter on our show every single week. so if you watch our show, you want to play long with this game. we do this thing every wednesday night where i send out a hashtag. and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. so, last night i went on twitter and started a hashtag called "momtexts." and i asked you guys -- yeah. -- tweet us something funny, weird or embarrassing that your mom texted you. we got thousands of tweets. within 20 minutes it was a worldwide trending topic. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for those tweets. everyone has them. they're really funny.

now i thought i'd share some of my favorite mom texts from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @d atkinson 69 he says, "i texted her, "have a great day, love you > steve: that old whore. i hated her. >> jimmy: oh, god, that is hilarious. this one is from @stephencolalillo. he says, "i once got a text from my mom where you're amazing auto-corrected to you're adopted." you told me through a text?! >> steve: lol.

>> jimmy: this one's from @justinrawana. he says, "my mom texted where are you? your friend matt is here. he's drunk. i gave him nutella, mom." nutella, man. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: fixes anything. >> steve: nutella's the best. >> jimmy: your buddy's here, he's drunk. >> steve: here, have some nutella. >> jimmy: this one's from @heidi ho neighbor. she says, " i received 12 consecutive completely empty text bubbles from my mom the other day." apparently she was trying to unlock her phone. can't open this darn phone. >> steve: what the heck am i supposed to do? >> jimmy: this one from @jessementz. he says, "my mom couldn't figure out punctuation, so she would type it out, how are you, question mark?" i'm good, exclamation point. >> steve: at least she didn't ask about his colon. >> jimmy: at least she didn't ask him about his colon, yeah. thank you. you didn't want to, you just had

to do it. this one is from @the real kahg. he says, "my mom texed me, hello, son. this message took me ten minutes to type. just so you know how much i love you." this ones from @holly lou harris. she says, "on valentine's day last year, my mom texted me, enjoy your vd." >> steve: how does she know? >> jimmy: thanks, mom. don't forget to std, save the date. save the date. >> steve: i got a bunch of stds here, got to mail them out. put them on the fridge. >> jimmy: this one's from @p mort supreme. he says, "my mom once texted my phone at home saying, hey, you forgot your phone at home." [ laughter ] this one's from @bailey witt. she says, "when i send my mom anything remotely funny, she replies, cah, cackle like a hen."

she made up one. >> steve: yeah, she's taking it up a level. >> jimmy: she made up one. cah. >> steve: cah. >> jimmy: cackle like -- this one's from @stephanie legs. she says, "my mom once texted me, can you come over? i want you to take a selfie of me." that's not how -- forget it. not even worth it. yeah. >> steve: cah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm going to start using it now, yeah. thanks, mom, yeah. this last one's from @alyssa defonte. she says, "i texted my mom telling her, i love you. all i got back in return was, k." those are tonight's "late night's" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with more "late night!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪

hello, america. we want you to send us your suggestions via twitter at lexus. where we're going, like we're on the way to the laundromat. >> and we'll be back a half hour later. >> remember, tweet or post your suggestions to #lexus is.

i need you. i feel so alone. but you're not alone.

i knew you'd come. like i could stay away. you know i can't do this without you. you'll never have to. you're always there for me. shh! i'll get you a rental car. i could also use an umbrella. fall in love with progressive's claims service. [ jim koch ] why are these people surprised? they just found out they were secretly tasting sam adams boston lager. it's got a good color. it's got a good hoppy smell to it, it's got a good body. it's very smooth. i like that. smooth but it does have flavor. you were drinking sam adams boston lager. oh, really? you definitely got me. it's a good taste. it's smooth. it's really good. this is the best day ever.

i obviously was selling myself short by not even considering this as a possibility. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. oh man, thank you so much for watching. we love you. we love you, right back. hey, i'm in a good mood tonight. no, actually, i'm in a great mood. [ cheers and applause ]

because last night was an all new episode of one of my favorite shows, "duck dynasty." i love that show. [ cheers ] talking long beards, talking talking duck calls. [ quack ] [ light laughter ] and of course, some good old fashioned redneck wisdom. with that it's time to play "duck dynasty karaoke." here we go. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to "duck dynasty karaoke" where we combine the beautiful music of the roots with the beautiful words of cast members from "duck dynasty." [ cheers ] words taken directly from things they've said on the show. higgins, who's on the mic tonight? >> steve: well jimmy, coming to the stage are emily pohrte, adam glatz and billy kelly. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, buddy, good to see you. thank you for coming. very good. thank you for -- hi, how are

you? nice to see you. thank you for coming to the "duck dynasty karaoke" club tonight. what is your name and where are you from? >> i'm emily. i'm from lake charles, louisiana. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jazz hands. jazz hands bonus. >> adam glatz, austin, texas. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. can you give us a little? can you give us a little jazz hands? yeah, yeah. thank you. >> billy kelly, astoria, queens. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good man. here's how we play. you'll each stand with your back to the sharp 108. the giant tv sitting here. you're gonna sing the words that you see on the monitor in front of you right here. these are actual quotes from the tv show "duck dynasty," they'll change from white to yellow to help you follow along. just like real karaoke. at the end we'll decide the winner based on audience applause. steve higgins, tell us what tonight's winner will be taking home. >> steve: well jimmy, tonight's winner will receive a brand new karaoke usa system, sing along to your favorite songs and follow the lyrics on the built-in monitor. it's stylish. it's fun-filled. best of all it comes with a

microphone and av cables. ♪ jimmy ♪ karaoke system >> jimmy: this is pretty good right here. i like this. this is better than what we normally give out. [ light laughter ] this is really, really cool. i like that. that's a good prize. i want to win. all right. let's get started here. by the way, these aren't real songs. so, just sing. remember, you can sing however you want just as long as your singing, not talking. your "duck dynasty" song tonight is a love ballad. a very emotional song. it's called "eating squirrel brains." here's your mic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: go take your place. roots, whenever you're ready, let's kick it off. ♪ awe, nice. ♪ eating squirrel brains is where you get your smarts [ light laughter ] eating squirrel brains is where

you get your smarts ♪ ♪ you're beard's so hairy even dora can't explore it [ laughter ] i have a massive wedgie i shouldn't have wore underwear ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: beautiful. [ cheers and applause ] just beautiful. oh, touching. beautiful. thank you. >> steve: outrageous! >> jimmy: i shouldn't have wore underwear. very good. contestant number two, your song is one of "duck dynasty's" newest hits. it's another romantic ballad called "dump it and hump it." [ laughter ] once again, these are all things the "duck dynasty" guys have said on their show. here's your mic. good luck to you, buddy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: roots. ♪

♪ you're not a proper woman unless you own a goat or two [ light laughter ] when was the last time you saw a human molesting a mannequin ♪ ♪ ducks are like women they don't like mud on their butt dump it and hump it dude you want some testicles on that ♪ ♪ bang zip there you go [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] dude, inspiring, beautiful. >> steve: outrageous! >> jimmy: contestant number three, you're up. you look focused. >> i'm ready, man. >> jimmy: you're ready to do this? >> i'm pumped. >> jimmy: yeah, i can tell. >> i'm singing with the roots. >> jimmy: that's right, you are singing with the roots?

you're not doing it with the roots at all, i'm sorry. no music, just a cappella. [ laughter ] no. joking, joking, joking. buddy, we have a great song, this is burning up the charts right now. a song called "i'm dreaming about beavers." [ laughter ] there's your mic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: go make america proud. roots? ♪ ♪ i'm dreaming dreaming about beavers ♪ my hand smells just like taco meat ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ did i tell you that wouldn't even get a maggot on the gut wagon

what do we want ham sandwich ♪ ♪ the true meaning of christmas is ♪ faith, family and baco hands [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, pretty good voice. you held onto that last note for a while. it was fantastic. >> steve: outrageous! >> jimmy: great job, everybody. audience, your applause will now determine our winner. is it contestant number one? [ cheers and applause ] is it contestant number two? [ cheers and applause ] or is it contestant number three? [ cheers and applause ] we have a winner. contestant number three is the winner. congratulations. ♪ you won the karaoke machine right there. >> thank you.

>> jimmy: oh, my gosh. that is fantastic. guys, you didn't win, but here on "late night" no one goes home empty handed. you guys will each be receiving these official "late night with jimmy fallon" hoodies right there. [ cheers and applause ] there you go. thank you for playing "duck dynasty karaoke." we'll be right back with meredith vieira, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] from your first breath,

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big nbc special airing 10:00 p.m. tomorrow night. an exclusive interview with elizabeth smart that's getting a ton of buzz. please welcome one of the best we've got. here's meredith vieira, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: meredith, you look gorgeous. welcome back. >> thanks, so do you. so this is my studio? >> jimmy: so, this is your studio. yeah. >> wow. >> jimmy: this should feel like home to you. yeah. >> it's great. will you guys come back in a year? >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] when exactly does that happen? >> it happens in the fall of 2014. >> jimmy: fall of 2014 in the daytime. >> but we're already starting creative meetings and stuff like that. >> jimmy: really? >> i'm using the youtube channel, it's great. it connects women of all ages but they also can use it to sort of experiment with different ideas for the show that's going to premier next year. you did that, too, right? >> jimmy: we did that before we started "late night," yeah. and it didn't help us. [ laughter ]

but it's fun though. are you a tech person? are you a youtuby -- >> no, i'm not. >> jimmy: you're not. you're not a tech person. >> i just started tweeting. >> jimmy: yes, you said that correctly. [ talking over each other ] that's the correct. >> those mom texts i relate to. because that's exactly that way i talk. and i thought lol was lots of love. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> i've seen it used as that. >> jimmy: laugh out loud, aunt mary died. [ talking over each other ] but no, we're going to be neighbors. i'm so happy that you're going to be my neighbor. >> i know. so how did you get -- you have what is it, 10 million or something tweet followers? or twitter followers. >> jimmy: yes. i have 10 -- yeah. >> 10 million? how do i get your 10 million? >> jimmy: you could be me. [ laughter ] i can give you my password. >> can't you say on yours, please follow her? >> jimmy: oh yeah. >> oh, great. >> jimmy: yeah. >> okay that's great. >> jimmy: what do you tweet out? >> i sent a picture of the sunset the other day. [ laughter ]

that's nice. what do you tweet out? what do you tweet out? [ cheers and applause ] i thought you were supposed to do things that are personal. why is that funny? >> jimmy: i tweet out weather updates. [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: al roker should do that. >> i said, i hope you have a lovely evening, have a great week. i thought that was spiritual. >> jimmy: i know that's very spiritual. i saw you tweeted out a photo here of you and carson daly. >> oh, my dog went for his crotch. >> jimmy: and your dog went ot bite -- [ laughter ] your dog -- that's your dog jasper down there. >> that's jasper down there, yeah. >> jimmy: or maybe you should tweet out a photo of jasper. >> i have tweeted out a photo of jasper. >> jimmy: with different outfits on or something. >> he had an outfit on. >> jimmy: what was he wearing? i know you're a red sox fan, but he was wearing a yankees, what do you call that kerchief. >> jimmy: all right, he's in a yankee's kerchief. maybe he does sports teams, jasper. so, maybe this sunday tweet out a picture of him with whoever you think is going to win the football game. >> why don't i come up with my own tweets? [ lauger ] >> jimmy: i thought you wanted -- >> you made fun of it. >> jimmy: let's do a sunset.

let's do a sunrise. how about a picture of wind chimes? [ laughter ] here's a photo of white noise. boring. >> i have wind chimes, they're lovely. >> jimmy: wind chimes are not. they're fine, they're a little annoying. >> i'll put a dog in a little outfit. >> jimmy: put a dog in a little outfit. that's something i can look at. >> but then people might think i'm pathetic. >> jimmy: no, that's cute. >> okay. >> jimmy: jasper the dog, what kind of dog is jasper? >> well, it's not clear. >> jimmy: this is fantastic. it's a mystery dog. >> they said he was an aussiepoo. an australian shepherd and a poodle mix. i've never bought in a pet store ever, ever in my life, but we did with this dog because the kids were little and we went in a pet store all the dogs were sick and they saw this dog and they said, please bring some joy back into our house. we got that. and i bought the dog for $400. and then i had his dna tested on the "today" show and he's not australian shepherd and he's not a poodle anything. he's a mutt. >> but his papers are written in pencil.

and i should have known. exactly. >> jimmy: what? what kind of pet store is this? >> well, it went out of business. it went out of business. >> jimmy: the name of the pet store is going out of business. yeah. >> but he's a wonderful dog. >> jimmy: yeah. that's cute. >> the documents were -- >> jimmy: i have a little dog. i have a really nice dog. her name is gary. >> her name is gary? >> jimmy: yeah, well, she was on our show. >> was she a boy before? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> i didn't know if you did that because she gets fixed, he gets fixed. so he's non sexual. >> jimmy: it was a male dog. he felt like he was a woman inside. >> i think that's -- i think that's beautiful. >> jimmy: it's a beautiful story. >> it is. >> jimmy: i'll be tweeting about it this weekend. she's really, really cute. i love her. i'll take photos and i'll tell people to follow you. >> okay. >> jimmy: you're @meredith vieira is your twitter name, right? >> i have no idea. >> jimmy: oh yeah. you have to find this out. >> i didn't know you had a name. >> jimmy: yes, you have a name like -- >> then it would have to be meredith vieira. >> -- cb radio or something. >> is yours jimmy fallon? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah okay.

>> jimmy: but some have different weird nicknames and stuff like that. >> oh no. i don't have weird nicknames. >> jimmy: no, you don't. >> no. >> jimmy: did you ever have a nickname growing up? >> ditzy. >> jimmy: ditzy? [ laughter ] >> yes. >> jimmy: really? >> because my brother, jeff. he's older than me. but he's not that much older. he's like, 14 months older. when he was born he couldn't say meredith, he called me dith and lisped. >> jimmy: cute. >> so then my mother called me ditzy. but then i was starting to go out with boys and they'd call she'd say, ditzy! but they thought she was saying the other. with a "t." [ light laughter ] instead of a "d," a "t." the boys -- [ laughter ] i swear to god, i swear. >> jimmy: that should be your twitter handle, by the way. >> i swear. i'm not doing that. and all of these guys would get so excited. [ laughter ] like, oh my god. if her mother calls her that. but then they'd see me. >> jimmy: yeah. you can't date, yeah, no, you can't date that. but look of all people to be called ditzy. now, you're a fantastic journalist.

look at the stuff. >> thank you, i've had a lot of opportunities. >> jimmy: this special that's going to air tomorrow night is kind of amazing. this story is nuts. >> elizabeth smart, i'm sure you'll remember in 2002 she was kidnapped from her home. she was 14 years old at the time, salt lake city. but she started as a terrified little girl in the course of those nine months she figured out how to survive and how to outwit him. and she literally outwitted this guy and that's how she was finally discovered. and she's an amazing, amazing story and she didn't want to talk about it for 10 years and then she finally realized, you know, i want to empower other kids that have gone through something awful. let them know that you can come out the other end even stronger than you started. and she's amazing. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's absolutely amazing. i can't wait to see it. >> incredible. >> jimmy: her website is www.elizabethsmartfoundation.org to learn more about the prevention of crimes against children. i cannot wait to see that. before we leave, i have one thing we have to do. i'm kind of bummed out about it. >> well, you know, i was very upset about this. >> jimmy: i'm really upset about it. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> because you didn't even remember it. i came today and mentioned that

a couple years ago i was on this show -- >> jimmy: yes. >> -- yes, and we had a little bet. >> jimmy: a little tiny bet. friendly bet. >> who would win the academy award movie. >> jimmy: yeah. you said "avatar" and i said "hurt locker." and the agreement was whoever won would do a spit take and spit water into person's face. and as it turned out, "hurt locker" won, and you never, ever, ever allowed this bet to go through. [ cheers ] ♪ >> jimmy: that was warm. that wasn't -- do not miss meredith vieira's special tomorrow night at 10:00 p.m. i love you, pal. mario batali joins us after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is one of the best chefs in the world and the host of "the chew" which airs weekdays on abc. please welcome back to the show, my pal, chef mario batali. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: mario, welcome back to the show, my man. >> couldn't be happier. look at this i matched my pants with your couch. so it looks like i'm wearing a couch. >> jimmy: camouflage. camouflage. we got the crocs, so we know that you're there. we can see the bright shoe. they're a little giveaway. good to see you, brother. >> good to see you, how's it going? >> jimmy: everything good. the fam good? >> fam is spectacular. >> jimmy: i almost was with you last weekend because you took your son -- it's his birthday? >> benno's 17th birthday party was at a paintball place in

staten island that ruled. >> jimmy: was it awesome? >> spectacular. >> jimmy: he just love shooting dad? >> he shot me. he is so good a shot that he can get me in the little spot between my helmet and the top of my shirt. >> jimmy: oh, i know exactly where you're talking about. >> ding, ding, ding. >> jimmy: i did it once -- >> like where the hell is he? i didn't even see him sneak up on me. >> jimmy: they hurt, too. >> they hurt a lot. >> jimmy: yes. i went once -- >> i tried to pretend it didn't hurt but it -- >> jimmy: have you ever done paint ball? >> meredith: yeah, i have done it with my kids too. >> jimmy: oh really? >> meredith: it stings, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, it's awful. >> some of the kids only wear t-shirts. and they went home with like little -- looked golf balls a half inch red on their skin. >> jimmy: yeah, imagine being a comedian, too, playing. because people want to keep shooting you. okay, you can stop. you're wearing like bmx helmet and a mask. you're like, i got shot. and as you're walking through 40 people are shooting laughing at you. stop, ow, stop it, stop it, ow. >> i must say, fishman, on our team. scotty fishman. he got shot and he was even on my team. but i hadn't shot anyone yet, so i kind of blasted him a couple times. >> jimmy: you got to do that. >> i had to warm up. >> jimmy: i did it once in

college and we had this crazy kid with us. i remember i got smacked, it really felt like it broke the skin. this is not fun at all. weird game. >> did you whine? >> jimmy: i cried like a baby. but you know what he did? he froze some of his paintballs. froze them. [ audience ohs ] shooting frozen paintballs. >> you know, there were some hardcore -- >> jimmy: you're crazy. >> -- paintball people at the event and they also have automatic weapons. so you can go -- >> jimmy: no, no, no. that's not fun at all. at a birthday party. yeah. >> jimmy: 17 he turned, right? >> 17 years old. >> jimmy: so he's driving? >> he decidedly has not gotten a driver's permit. i don't think you can drive in new york city till you're 18. but still it's not that big a deal. like, these guys have subways, taxi. >> jimmy: new york city, yeah. is he going looking at schools? >> we have looked at 11 colleges. >> meredith: wow. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. >> jimmy: did you do that? >> i did zero. >> jimmy: yeah, me too. >> i sent out a few applications, got a few and said, i'm going to choose this one. yeah. and it worked because i ended up at the state university of new jersey. rutgers. >> jimmy: rutgers. very very nice. >> so that's what i said. and listen there's all these fancy schools, you can choose

whichever one you want. but keep in mind you're going to make it no matter what. you got to go with your drive, and just go get a good classical education. don't look at it as a career school. you're not learning how to weld. you're learning how to be smart. >> jimmy: i like that. [ applause ] but it's also -- he's also going to party. he's going to party his ass off. you have to do that. he just will. >> i would say if what his father did would remain throughout the generations, yes. >> jimmy: yes. has he already asked you about spring break? he's going to be hitting you up for money to go to spring break. >> spring break you pay for with the college money that you earn while you're going to college. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. >> i'll pay for everything he needs. he can pay for everything he wants. >> jimmy: that's good. did you do spring break? did you ever do -- >> we did spring break. i remember the very first time it was 1978. i'd never really gone away from my parents on vacation. we went down to marco island in southern florida. we went out in the sun for 12 hours. i had neglected the whole idea of sunscreen. >> jimmy: yes, of course. >> so i got sun poisoning.

my skin is bubbling. we immediately look at the map and say, we got to go north. so we drove up that night to springs homosassas springs on the panhandle and we swam in this little campground. and turns out there were manatees there. you know what a manatee is? >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's like a sea lion but in threshy, salty brackish water. and they're delightful. so for three days -- all right it was a week. for a week i sat in the water drinking vodka waiting for my skin to float off. and the manatees just floated by me and gave me these little cuddly kisses. >> jimmy: it's gonna be all right buddy. >> gonna be all right, buddy. we've been there before with you. >> jimmy: you had a giant week for you, my friend. you got a michelin star. >> babbo got our michelin star back. we got another michelin star at at the spotted pig. we got a michelin star at tagamono. it's a big deal. ♪ >> jimmy: that's a big deal. congratulations. you deserve that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: also we're capping off the week with a major party this sunday night. >> you and i. >> jimmy: that's right. >> we're co-hosting a party for the mario batali foundation. and we're going to have salman rushdie read.

we're going to have patty smith play some songs and do some poetry. and we're going to have wilco play a couple of songs. >> jimmy: i mean, that's what i'm talking about. >> and the food will be from del posto. so we're kind of excited about it. >> jimmy: it's going to be a good deal. >> there's still six tickets left. >> jimmy: what? not after this airs. not after this airs. >> let's see the power of fallon. >> jimmy: yeah, the power of fallon will work. you have to go to mario batali.com, right? >> mariobatalifoundation.org. >> jimmy: mario batali -- mario -- hard to say mario now. >> it's embarrassing for all of us. mariobatalifoundation.org. >> perfect. >> jimmy: but mario -- mario batali.com. >> that's right. we've unleashed our brand new website today, mario batali.com with tips on how to travel and food and recipes and kind of weird little video that we do and you can tweet me from the website and ask me a question. i'll get right back to you. it's all kind of crazy fun. >> jimmy: yeah, you can tweet him, he's @titzy. [ laughter ] >> meredith: ditzy. >> jimmy: sorry. ditzy sorry. >> so i'm @wannabejayleno.com. i think. >> jimmy: thank you, yeah, thank you. [ rim shot ] [ buzzer ]

>> that was the electric thing in my chair. >> jimmy: yeah, you're gonna get buzzed out of here. when we come back, can you cook with us? >> i would be delighted to cook. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. cooking with mario batali. my man. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ welcome back, america. this suggestion comes to present guys going on a bonding road trip and telling each other secrets. >> this is great, guys. we haven't hung out together in years. >> long road trip to the wedding, great opportunity to swap secrets. >> okay. >> whoa! >> i have a secret. leslie, i've loved you since the day i've seen you. will you marry me? >> no, this can't be happening. i've loved her forever. this is happening tonight. >> you're the love of my life, you have to marry me. >> me, me. >> me. >> me. >> hold on, guys. let me tell you my secret. i'm already married. >> oh. >> that changes it.

>> that changes everything. >> can you drive? i'm feeling a little emotional. >> how long have you been married, exactly? >> ten years. >> is it a stable marriage? >> yes. >> are you friends? >> best friends. >> do you live in the same house if. >> yes. >> do you ever feel sad? >> no. >> do you like him? >> i love him. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] some things are designed to draw crowds. ♪ ♪ others are designed to leave them behind. ♪ the all-new 2014 lexus is. it's your move.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back cooking with the one and only chef mario batali. [ cheers and applause ] meredith vieira and questlove is joining us. now, mario, you have another new company which is very exciting. called mario by mary. >> that's absolutely true. >> jimmy: catering company. explain this. >> it's a catering company, i work with my good friend mary giuliani. we make delicious parties. delicious food. we're looking at some of them right now. we're going to make a drink. the motto of our company is big drinks, little bites. >> jimmy: there you go. that's how parties work out well. [ laughter and applause ] that's always a good party, yeah. >> trying to make sure we don't burn up the pans. all right. so, let's start with a drink, right. this is a daiquiri modeled after what i thought ernest hemingway might have drank. because he always doubled down the rum. so we take a little bit of rum. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> then we take elderflower liqueur that has that beautiful kind of sambuca flower which is kind of like a little bit like moscato. then we take grapefruit juice.

fresh right out of -- >> jimmy: it is so fun hanging out with you dude. it is like, always fun. this is a good time. look at this. >> well, it's important -- you know how to run a zester don't you? >> jimmy: i think so. >> you've got to be careful. i didn't have you sign the waiver that you normally have to do with your fingers and the knife. hold on, hold on, hold on. >> jimmy: the guys from "the chew" sent me over some nice knives, by the way. nice brother. that's rad. okay, zest it up? >> you're going to zest right on top of each beverage as a finish. >> jimmy: okay, good. [ laughter ] >> hold on. as i finish. you know what? i bet you did really good in high school, didn't you? >> jimmy: yes. very lucky to get into college. >> let's see, that looks like it's finished. >> jimmy: not that bad. not too shabby. now, you brought something -- >> hold on. let me lighten it up for "late night." >> jimmy: i appreciate it, brother. >> hold on. >> jimmy: look at this. >> oh, i forgot those sexy orange straws. >> jimmy: yeah, but then you got another sexy straw, too. what are these things? >> oh, yeah, those are safety goggles that are involved in the

beverage situation. you put them on like this. >> jimmy: yeah, there you go. >> hold on. and then you put the one in your mouth like this. [ laughter ] and the other -- >> jimmy: yep. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. [ talking over each other ] sorry, thank you. i appreciate that. yeah, like a boozy harry potter. all right, my friend, now what are we cooking here? it all looks good, smells good. >> so there's a lot of great little fast hors d'oeuvres. what we're going to make together is a little grilled cheese with fontina. a little horse radish and mustard. guy, you're watching me now. >> jimmy: meredith. >> meredith: whoa, whoa. you don't even know when that's coming. >> jimmy: no, you don't know. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> the glory of late night tv. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] just keep drinking. just keep drinking it.

so we make this grilled cheese by taking a little grain mustard, a little horseradish, a little fontina. >> meredith: are we supposed to be doing that too? >> you should be trying to mimic what i'm doing. >> meredith: what are you doing? >> we put a little spread on there. >> jimmy: mustard and oil, what is that? >> it's mustard, horseradish, and extra virgin olive oil. >> jimmy: extra virgin olive oil. very good. >> then you put the cheese on. then you put it in the pan. [ applause ] >> jimmy: come on, quest. >> quest is a chef. he has his own restaurant and all this stuff. you know this stuff, dude, right? >> questlove: sure, sure. we got that? >> that goes in like that. >> jimmy: so, you make a nice grilled cheese. >> and then what you do is, you cut it like this when it comes out. and you cut it into what chefs think are fancy shapes, which are diamonds. >> jimmy: ooh. >> meredith: oh, that's pretty. >> like so, and then you put it on this really groovy little tray that we have there, like this. right. then we take black truffle honey. >> meredith: where do you buy that? >> you buy this at ocho's pizzeria and ortega. but, you can also buy it at

eataly, my fabulous grocery store on 23rd street. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. all ready this looks awesome. >> so, you have got that. also, what we have are killer tuna tacos. tuna tartare, sicilian style with a little bit of caper. with a little taco and then the guacamole is made without any cilantro but it's made with basil. >> jimmy: you made it with basil. >> and over there we have italian pigs in a blanket, italian sausages. a broccoli rubbed pesto wrapped in pastry and baked, that's delicious. and then to top it all off one of my favorite things mr.fallon, of course, as you know, we have the mozzarella bar here. killer balsamic caviar. we have to try that in a second. but we also need to do is celebrate your ascension to the 11:30 slot soon. very, very soon. move over, jay, he's coming at you right now. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love you, buddy. i love you, buddy. welcome back. you're the greatest. for more information about mario by mary, log onto

mariobymary.com. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to meredith vieirea, mario batali, and the greatest band in all of late night, the roots everybody. stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪