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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  August 1, 2015 12:37am-1:38am PDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- amy schumer, from "the brink" actor pablo schreiber, music from anderson east, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight?
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[ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear. espn had the espys last night. i don't know if anybody watched the espys, the espn sports awards. [ cheers and applause ] a wonderful show. caitlyn jenner was given the arthur ashe award for courage at last night's espy awards. caitlyn received the award for spending 24 years married to kris jenner. [ laughter and applause ] i don't know if i could do it. i don't know if i have that kind of courage. ted cruz -- ted cruz said this week that he is a big fan of donald trump. he is a big fan of donald trump. so if there's one thing donald trump should try to avoid, it's big fans. [ laughter ] "are there any fans in here? i don't go into any rooms if there are any big fans." [ light laughter ]
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this is amazing. president obama -- i actually couldn't believe this. president obama today became the first sitting u.s. president to visit a federal prison. and for a brief moment there was some real excitement over at fox news. [ laughter ] "oh, my god, they got him! they finally got him! turn up the volume! what are they saying? what are they saying? what are they saying? oh, he's just visiting. it's just visiting. never mind. go back to your desk. former virginia governor jim gilmore is preparing to announce his run for the republican nomination next month. so just to update, this is now the republican field. there they are. [ laughter ] jim gilmore. feel the excitement. disney -- this is very exciting. disney announced this week it is making a prequel to the classic animated film "aladdin." it's just two hours of a lamp
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sitting on a shelf. [ laughter ] right at the end, it takes off. [ laughter ] a bear -- a bear in colorado this week broke into a bakery and ate 38 pies, several bags of cocoa, and one bag of sugar. that story again. someone in colorado got a bear stoned. [ laughter and applause ] come out, bear. [ grunting ] [ light laughter ] i met with my acting coach for an hour today working out paranoid bear putting back cookies. [ grunting ]
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apologies for bringing this next story to your attention. a los angeles-based fitness instructor claims that lifting items with her vagina has improved her sex life. [ light laughter ] though more than once it's gotten her kicked out of walmart. [ laughter ] "ma'am, what are you doing?" "nothing. why, what's the problem?" "we told you to stop doing that." "i'm not -- i don't have anything." "where's the toaster you just had?" "i don't know." [ laughter ] finally tonight, a farmer in scotland has started using a blow-up sex doll in place of a traditional scare crow to keep animals from eating his crops. said the farmer, "plus she doesn't itch as much." ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: how we doing, 8g band? what a delight to have you guys here. what a delight to have everybody here. you guys, we have got an a-plus, number-one show for you tonight. both of our guests -- the emmy nominations came out today. both of our guests tonight emmy nominated. [ cheers and applause ] she is -- yeah, give it up. she is the star and writer of "trainwreck." she is one of the funniest comedians working today. amy schumer on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is a fantastic actor. he is on hbo's "the brink." pablo schreiber is joining us tonight. and he was here last night, we didn't have time to show it. so tonight you're going to see music from anderson east, i can tell you it was absolutely fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] so make sure you stick around for that.
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also -- some friends i want to give some emmy shout outs to some friends. will forte nominated for an emmy, fred armisen, kate mckinnon, amy poehler. i know i'm forgetting some people, but an exciting day. some great emmy nominations. now, though, more importantly, shifting over to world news. maybe you haven't been paying attention, but a lot has been happening in greece. ten days ago this happened. >> greeks resoundingly saying no to tax bailout terms and more austerity. >> seth: and then today this happened. >> greek lawmakers worked late into the night passing a new austerity bill to secure the company's third bailout deal and avoid economic collapse. >> seth: so how did greece go from saying no to austerity measures, such as budget cuts, and tax increases. to saying yes to what many are calling even worse measures in a week and a half? let's take a look in a segment we call "up [ bleep ] greek." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: okay. so there are two major players
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in this current saga. germany, a country known for precision order and adherence to rules. and greece, a country known for yogurt, tax evasion, and big fat weddings. [ light laughter ] these two countries sharing a currency is like martha stewart and guy fieri sharing a kitchen. it was never going to work. [ light laughter ] so how did it happen in the first place? well, in 2001 greece dropped their currency, the drachma, and became the 12th country to join the european single currency after failing to join in 1999 because they didn't pass the economic tests that were required. so what changed between 1999 and 2001? well, greece started filling in their financial documents the way rachel dolezal fills out an online dating profile. [ laughter ] "ethnicity? all of the above!" but even in 2001 people were afraid of letting a country with a weak economy like a weak economy like greece's into the euro. so what was the upside for a country like germany to accept them? well, by being in the euro, greeks had access to easy money. they took loans and used that borrow money to buy high end
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goods like cars and electronics. many of which came from germany. while in theory this would be a two-way street, it wasn't because germans weren't buying euros to go buy clams from a guy named stavros. [ laughter ] so money was leaving greece but it wasn't coming back. when the financial crisis hit it affected everyone but especially countries like spain, ireland, and greece. spain suffered through austerity but their economy is big enough that they eventually recovered. and the irish willingly suffered through austerity because if nothing else the irish are okay with suffering because every time they do it they get lyrics for a new drinking song. [ laughter ] but in greece the problem was worse. and they received two separate bailouts that were contingent on financial reform. some of the reform was reasonable. for example, before the first bailout, the retirement age in greece was 60. and for some strenuous jobs it was 55. and true story, hairdresser counted as a strenuous job. [ light laughter ] now obviously this is a hard pill for germany to swallow as they are, i'm assuming, a country that doesn't even have hairdressers. [ laughter ]
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"hello, i'd like to make a 5:00 appointment with bulls and scissors. [ laughter ] but on top of the reasonable financial reforms, the greeks also had to submit themselves to severe cuts in public spending and public jobs. this meant greeks had less money, and less money meant less demand, which means the greek economy hasn't been able to recover. so on the back of this long suffering, this past january alexis tsipras was elected the fifth greek prime minister in four years. so basically greece gets a new prime minister as often as we get a new "spiderman." tsipras vowed to fight austerities, take on greece's creditors, but right away things went south. and in no small part thanks to tsipras' finance minister, yanis varoufakis, a combative politician who also moonlights as greece's voldemort. [ laughter ] varoufakis said, "of the other eu finance ministers, they're unanimous in their hatred of me and i welcome their hatred." [ light laughter ] this friendly negotiating tactic led to german finance minister, wolfgang schäuble, apparently
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saying to varoufakis about the deal on the table, "this is a horse and either you get on it or it is dead." [ laughter ] which makes me want to ask, "how do horses work in germany?" [ laughter ] because here if you don't get on it, they don't die. they're still horses. they run around on their own. [ light laughter ] is this how you get german kids on ponies at the carnival? "get on him, he will die." things got so contentious with varoufakis that the tsipras replaced him last week with euclid tsakalotos, who immediately won everyone's confidence when it was revealed that in 2010 he wrote a paper on the greek economic crisis in the font comic sans. [ laughter ] so faced against this dream team, greece's creditors didn't budge and insisted on more austerity. so tsipras held a referendum to let the greek people vote whether or not they want to accept the deal. the greeks voted no. but unfortunately just because a country votes not to pay back
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their debt, doesn't mean they don't have to pay back their debt. if you take out a bank loan and then tell the bank i voted not to repay you, the bank will likely say [ bleep ] you. [ laughter ] which is what germany basically did, challenging greece to accept even worse terms or leave the euro altogether. and while some greeks would love to go back to the drachma, the euro isn't a mexican prison. you can't just walk out whenever you want to. [ laughter ] you need a plan in place. [ applause ] and the greeks did not have a plan in place. so that's why today the anti-austerity tsipras had to admit a bad deal was better than the alternative. how bad was this deal? not only doesn't it promise any debt relief, but it makes very german suggestions like how to increase sales at greek bakeries such as bakers can use marketing techniques such as clearly stating that the dough is prepared on site. "our economy is in free fall, homelessness is rising, our
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health care system is about to collapse, we need your help." "have you told them the dough is prepared on site? [ light laughter ] that helps." look, this cycle has to stop. the greeks deserve plenty of criticism for how they run things, but you lent them the money. have some sympathy for the elderly who can't get medicine and then young people who are suffering from youth unemployment up over 60%. now i understand that most germans are against forgiving greek debt because they think greeks are lazy. but remember after world war ii the allies wrote off the german's debt and need i remind you in world war ii, the germans were way worse than just lazy. [ laughter ] in fact, things would have been so much better if 1938 germany had been lazy. [ light laughter ] so here's the thing, greece owes 400 billion euros. why not make it 200 billion and they don't have to make the first payment for the first 30 years. look at it this way, it's just money. and without the greeks we wouldn't have democracy, zeus, or yanni. ♪
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[ laughter ] i don't want to live in a world without yanni. this has been "up [ bleep ] greek." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sfx:(sfx: (crunch)walla) ♪ ♪i need a hero. ♪i'm holding out for a hero til the end of the night,♪ ♪he's gotta be strong, ♪and he's gotta be fast and he's got to be fresh from the fight.♪ sfx:(chip crunches, explosion and sizzle) ♪i need a hero.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our first guest tonight is the emmy-nominated star and creator of the comedy central series "inside amy schumer." she's making her big screen starring debut in a very funny new film which she also wrote entitled "trainwreck." it's in theaters tomorrow. let's take a look. >> if i stay here can we just sleep in a realistic position? >> sure. >> it's just -- i'm a light sleeper. and like, if i feel you move or, like, sweat or breathe i'll, like, wake up and just lay here resenting you. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> all night. so could we -- actually, could we put this pillow in between us? like, that would be good. >> pillow in between us? >> yeah. that's not like your main pillow that you use, is it? >> no. >> okay, cool. yeah, let's put that in there. thank you. >> yeah. >> i'm sorry, i'm nitpicking, but like you're breathing on me pretty hard right now. >> okay.
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what do you need me to do? >> it's like a strong wind. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome to the show amy schumer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: well, well, well! >> a real star! >> seth: finally a star. >> a star! >> seth: our first star. >> hello. i'm a star. >> seth: oh, my goodness. i want to get the congratulations out of the way. so many emmy nominations for you today. >> yes. and m & m's. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you got for show, for acting, for writing. and then we were talking back stage, the big one. you got an emmy nomination for directing. >> for directing, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the exceptional -- your 12 angry men episode. >> the 12 angry men episode.
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me and ryan mcfaul. and paul giamatti got a nomination. >> seth: well-deserved. >> for his job as juror number ten. >> seth: so exciting. >> thanks. >> seth: and congratulations. it's a wonderful year on the show. every one of those emmy nominations is deserved. >> thank you so much. and i didn't start drinking and celebrating right after because i was coming here. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you. also you found out at 11:30. >> so? wow, judgment city. i'm sorry. >> seth: well now, this is going to be a real good segue. because you are very honest about yourself in your standup. >> yeah. >> seth: and to a degree that i was curious, when people see you in the street do they feel like they know you from your standup? do they feel like that's the real you and is it accurate? >> yeah. it is pretty much the real me. and so it's kind of embarrassing to get caught in moments that are so like you. like, i live alone and i'm, like, super lonely. [ laughter ] and so i couldn't zip up my dress. i was wearing a dress the other night that -- like, i've gained weight and i was kind of lying to myself. [ laughter ]
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but i was like, "this dress is going on." so i had to just go out in the street and just wait for somebody that looked -- [ laughter ] -- like they weren't, like, a monster. so i'm, like, "hi. i have no one in my life. could you zip my dress?" [ laughter ] and this girl is like, "amy schumer! oh, you really are, like, sad." [ laughter ] and i was like, "yeah, yeah." and that wasn't enough. like, we needed -- she needed someone to hold it because it was very -- so we had to get somebody else. we had to enlist another person. >> seth: a second passerby? >> yeah, and she was like, "oh, i'm gonna see 'trainwreck'!" and she's like, "oh, you are like actually --" and they -- yeah. [ laughter ] so if i do that or if i have to go refill my birth control or something. they're just like, "there she is." [ laughter ] "there's our little whore." i'm like, okay. >> seth: i want to say, i want to give you a lot of credit though. you transitioned very well. because we've seen each other at some classy events this year. we've seen each other at some charity events where we saved the environment. >> well that's what we do. we did. we saved the world. >> seth: we saved the world. >> that's what i like to say.
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>> seth: in 15 minute chunks of comedy. >> you're welcome. [ laughter ] you guys like living here? because we -- because of us. >> seth: i hope you enjoy it. >> they're not grateful. >> seth: thanks for the "thank you" note. then one of my favorite events of the year is the "time" 100. you were on the list this year of the most influential people. and you -- i feel like you enjoyed the "time" 100 more than anyone. >> yeah, because it was just completely preposterous that i was there. i mean, would you agree we were the least important people there? >> seth: yes. >> okay, great. [ laughter ] yeah, i was so happy to see you. and so i kept sneaking over to your table. and there was somebody who wasn't in their seat, so i kept sitting there and kind of jokingly picking at their food. and then i realized it was harvey wienstein's seat. >> seth: yeah. you took harvey weinstein's seat. >> that's the last person you want to do that to. >> seth: yeah. >> so i remember -- i mean, i was pretty drunk. but i was making toasts about you. >> seth: just to explain, the people there that are like -- they're like nigerian nuns who have helped bring water to villages. like, it's all these incredible
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people who have accomplished so much. >> right. and then bust. >> seth: us. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i've done nothing. i have no skills. i have nothing to contribute. but yeah, i kept on having the whole table give you a toast because, like, you contributed so little. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] but you would like -- and i would say english was the second language of everyone at our table. and you'd be like, "what's your name? juan, do you have something to say about seth's work?" >> yes. and he was like, "never heard of him." [ laughter ] i had naomi campbell at my table. >> seth: how was that? >> i mean, i just was eating and staring at her. [ laughter ] i didn't want to miss a moment, you know. and she did not -- there was no -- >> seth: no stare. she didn't go back. >> no, we didn't exchange. >> seth: she didn't feel the same opportunity with you? of not missing a moment. >> no. we didn't get each other's linkedin. we didn't do that. >> seth: the other one is you guys won -- which is a very prestigious award - - you guys won a peabody this year. >> we won a peabody. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god. they don't know what that is. >> seth: they don't. >> i didn't know. i didn't know till we won it,
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because it is so fancy. that's for people, like, helping the world in media and entertainment contributing. so everyone else there was -- like, the ebola fighters. and yeah, just people really making a difference. and then our show. and so they select a clip from each person's show. we didn't know what they were going to use for us. so our whole table, our show, were like, "oh, i wonder what clip." so it's like, people saving ebola, war-torn regions. and then ours was -- it was me taking a huge bite of a burger, going, "i'm going to go make some room," and walking off. [ laughter and applause ] it's, like, malala. like, "we can do it." and i'm like, "i'm going to take a [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] it's horrible. and then we were all just, like, "no!" so this room -- and this same night was the critics' choice awards. it was the same night as the peabodys. and i got nominated but i didn't go. 'cause i was like, "i'm not winning." >> seth: and you know, you chose --
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you went classy. you chose the peabody. >> right. the person who was willing to commit. like, they put a ring on it. >> seth: they said, "if you come, you get it." >> exactly. and so we're just sitting there andthe critics' choice awards were going. we weren't even thinking about it. and the girl on stage, it was -- there was, like, a whole market in china, like a black market for organs where they just, like, straight steal your organs. and so our table, we're just like eating tiramisu like, "that sucks." [ laughter ] "god, that sucks." and then there's a girl up there that -- they tried to take her. and then all of a sudden, all our phones light up to say that i'd won the critics' choice award. and so we're all like, "yes!" [ laughter ] she's like, "my liver was --" and we're like, "yeah!" [ laughter ] horrible. >> seth: yeah. and if she was upset about it, it's just because she's pissed off she didn't get a critics' choice award. >> oh, my god. right? >> seth: yeah, straight jealousy.
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>> that's what i'm saying. [ light laughter ] >> seth: "trainwreck" is so good. >> thank you. >> seth: "trainwreck" is so effing good. >> thanks, man. >> seth: and it's getting great reviews. so many people are writing so many nice things about it. do you -- is that something you indulge in? do you read reviews? do you read that stuff? >> no. not unless someone is, like, really encouraging me. i was on "last comic standing" in 2007. [ laughter and applause ] did you vote for me? and so i had people writing mean stuff about me forever. so i just, like, don't read very much. but my friends, they read everything. so i know every bad thing that's written about me, because they'll text me like, "i can't believe 'the dallas chronicle' called you a stupid dump truck." and i'm like, "i didn't read that." [ laughter ] why are you telling me? >> seth: or when people say, "do you read stuff?" and you go "no, i don't." they go, "that's good." you're like, "why is that good?" >> right. they're like, "yeah, take the day off today. maybe take the morning off. definitely don't check out the
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'orlando sentinel.'" wow. [ laughter ] >> seth: your sister was a producer on the film. you're very close with your sister. >> yeah. >> seth: bill hader is in the film. bill hader's excellent. >> there he is. >> seth: there he is. i got a photo. >> right there. oh, well, i meant stefon. >> seth: oh yeah, this, oh yeah, i got the little hader here. yeah. >> very sweet. >> seth: also my love interest. so -- [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: been there. [ applause ] >> you're how we got the idea. >> seth: been there. "trainwreck" is my life story, basically. >> yes it is. thank you for letting us borrow. >> seth: but he's one of the best. i mean, he's a great laugher. it's like -- do you get through stuff with him? or did you have a bunch of things you had to do more than once? >> we got in a lot of trouble. we would get in major trouble. >> seth: and you burned your sister pretty hard? >> yeah, we did. well, my sister, bill, and i hang out a lot. there was a lot of time. so we were sitting there, we were filming a hospital scene. and the movie's so good, yeah. [ laughter ] it was like "outbreak." so we were sitting there and he texts me. he was like, "can i spit this entire bottle of water all over your sister?"
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so i wrote, "of course." [ laughter ] so it was like a mini poland spring bottle. he puts the whole bottle in his mouth and i go, "did you hear they're remaking 'fievel goes west'?" and he goes -- [ laughter ] --all over kim's face. >> seth: fully soaked her. that's the bill i know just being so happy that he did it. >> he's such a bully. she was so bummed out. she didn't even have it coming. she's just totally helpful. >> seth: i'm so impressed. you are very -- you're long island. you're still super good friends with your high school friends. >> yeah. my girls. >> seth: and this is you guys at the premiere. >> that's two nights ago. yeah, we do a human pyramid. >> seth: that's fantastic. you did a human pyramid. [ applause ] >> and there's club soda kenny. >> seth: who's club soda kenny? >> he used to be dice clay's security guy. >> seth: gotcha, all right. gotcha. >> even though i got to get him to shave the mustache. it's disgusting. >> seth: all right so -- >> but those are my friends. >> seth: did they have a good time at the premiere? are they -- did they party it up
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with you? >> we all blacked out. [ laughter ] we had the best time. we're just like, you know, we're just trashed. and we love each other. >> seth: are they still very long island? or have they -- do they still talk like they're from long island? >> yeah. they'll be like, "ame, oh my god. 'trainwreck' was amazing." [ laughter ] and i pick it up when i hang out with them. >> seth: oh, by the end of the night you fully have it back? >> yeah. i'm like, "ang!" yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: half the people are named ang. right? that's like how it works. >> everybody -- we call each other ang. it's like "mob wives." we're like, "we'll get somebody's attention." >> seth: congratulations on everything. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the movie is so, so good. amy schumer, everybody. check out "trainwreck" in theaters friday. we'll be back with pablo schreiber. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i sure had a lot on my mind when i got out of the hospital
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. you know our next guest from his work on hit shows like "the wire" and "orange is the new black." he is currently starring on the new series, "the brink" which airs sunday nights on hbo. let's take a look. >> if i tell her i'm having a child with another woman, that's not gonna make her feel, you know, good. >> well, i hear that. >> because i think my promise to move to los angeles and raise our children could possibly be misinterpreted as me wanting to get back together with her. >> that's a good point. >> i don't want to lead her on. but if i tell her about my second family, she's gonna think i only wanted her to be in la so that i could be in san diego with gail and that's really gonna play with her emotions. >> especially 'cause it's true. >> so, that got me thinkin' about never telling her and how ignorance is bliss.
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and about bruce wayne, right? 'cause he's a good guy. >> oh, he's the best. >> and when he's with a woman, he's not like, i'm batman. >> no. >> and when batman's with a girl, he's not like, i'm bruce wayne. >> hell no. >> he might show her the batcave, but he's never gonna take her to the mansion. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome pablo schreiber. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> oh, i'm fine. how are you? >> seth: that's good. also an emmy nominee today. congratulations. >> well, thanks. [ cheers and applause ] you got all kinds of emmy nominees on this show. >> seth: it's a big night for us. we're very, very excited about that. what do you have there? >> oh, i have some -- this is argan oil. >> seth: what is that? >> well, i just came back from morocco and it's -- it's a little something the ladies put on their hairs and on their skins and i thought that you might like it. i know you like your products. >> seth: okay, well. [ light laughter ] >> so, i brought it. i actually had such a stressful moment backstage, because i forgot my argan oil -- >> seth: oh, no. >> and had to go running back to the dressing room. >> seth: are you wearing argan
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oil right now? >> dude, of course. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay, great. very good. you were in morocco doing a michael bay film, right? >> i was. i was. >> seth: that must be exciting to work with michael bay. >> it is. it is. it's a little stressful. he's a very high octane dude. >> seth: and it was also a stressful time to work in morocco, yes? >> it is. it was ramadan. >> seth: okay. so, why is ramadan a stressful time to work? >> well, ramadan -- i'm not sure how aware you are, but you are not allowed if you're muslim to eat or smoke cigarettes all day until sundown. >> seth: right. >> and so, you can imagine if michael bay comes into your town to shoot an action movie -- >> seth: yes. >> and you're not allowed food or cigarettes and then you're told you can't cross the street either -- >> seth: right, because they're doin' a big old action movie. >> yeah! mayhem and booze. >> seth: pretty -- pretty stressy. >> yeah. >> seth: i get stress -- like i, when i'm, like, in new york and people are shooting something, i get upset. >> oh, my god, this is like vacation. i'm so happy to be home. >> seth: yeah. if you know you're -- you were somewhere stressful where new york in the summer is like, ah, this is so relaxing. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i walked into time square, i was like, not robot during ramadan on a michael bay film, thank god. [ light laughter ] >> seth: there ya go. you were on one of my favorite
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shows of all time "the wire." nick sobotka, a fantastic part. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: and i think this is a very good story for young actors or actresses out here. you believe you got this job, this part because you flirted with someone during the audition. >> well -- >> seth: true or false? >> that's a very simple way of putting it. >> seth: all right, well -- >> okay, it's true. [ light laughter ] no, robert colesberry, rest in peace. a beautiful man. he was one of the producers of "the wire." and he was integral in putting together the docks, the second season. that was his baby. >> seth: right. >> and he was in the casting session with david simon who's the creator. and he heard right before i came in for my final callback for the hbo taping testing that i had asked the casting assistant for her phone number. >> seth: okay. >> who's also a lovely actress now in her own right, named jennifer lafleur. >> seth: oh, okay, gotcha. >> any how -- hi, jen. >> seth: all right. >> so, you know, i guess he was -- he was very impressed with my -- >> seth: did you just think you were someone who wow, this guy's not nervous at all if he's asking for a number right before he's -- >> that may have been it, yeah
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like, just throw it all out there and try and get a date instead of a job. >> seth: there ya go. i like it. [ laughter ] and then you ended up getting the job. >> sort of stupid, but here i am. >> seth: it worked out. and then, you know, obviously no reflection on you, but then you were on "svu." you played a serial rapist. >> no reflection at all. [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- you're pornstache. so it's so nice, i have to say, like, watching "the brink," it was so nice to see you in a comedy. was it fun for you to do that? >> it's very fun and very nice to be in a comedy, it's also nice to play, like, a normal person who doesn't rape or kill which i've been doing a lot of for the last couple years. [ light laughter ] >> seth: it must be -- >> yeah. >> seth: usually you were like page three you're like, there i go again. [ laughter ] >> here i am. here i am. on this one i was like, oh, selling prescription drugs. okay, i can tolerate that. but at least his heart's in the right place. >> seth: yeah, right. that's recovery for you. >> i'm moving in the right direction. >> seth: there is a scene -- i guess it's right in the beginning of the second episode that's getting a lot of talk where you are a pilot and your costar in the cockpit throws up on you. >> yeah. >> seth: and the stunt team -- i'm hearing the stunt team or special effects team, i should say, is very proud of this. >> yeah.
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there was an article online that was printed and apparently the effects team said the guy who's the head of effects said it was the highlight of his career. >> seth: wow. [ laughter ] it looked very accurate. >> because he used 15 gallons of puke. >> seth: wow. to spew all over the back of my head in the f-15 cockpit. >> seth: what was the core ingredient of the -- >> you know, i think, like with most of those things i think corn and yogurt play an integral part. [ audience groans ] >> seth: hey, you like both of those things. >> exactly! [ laughter ] >> seth: don't be -- if it wasn't that it was puke you'd be like, great, sign me up. [ laughter ] i saw you -- you've also done theater. you went to carnegie mellon. you were nominated for a tony. >> thank you, yeah. >> i saw you in a play called "a gruesome playground injury." >> yes! >> seth: a wonderful play. you were in it with my friend jennifer carpenter. >> were you there? were you there the night -- >> seth: i wasn't there the night, but i heard about the night. and this to me -- 'cause i always wonder do people have incidents like this in a show. talk us through this. >> okay. so, i mean, i also have a recurring nightmare that i'm the actor who forgets his lines. >> seth: sure. >> i'm on stage and just i'm put in a play where i don't know where i am and i don't know what to say.
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and this is as close as i've ever gotten to that. i -- there's a scene where -- you were there. and it's a 12 year old dance, so seventh grade dance. and jennifer carpenter and i are given our best moves. and as my pickup line i tell her that i can make myself puke. and so i begin to make myself puke. and in order to do that, there's this sort of guttural sound i have to make which cuts off the oxygen to my brain. and i guessed one night i just got really, really into it and stopped breathing and passed out on stage. [ light laughter ] before you know it, i woke up and there was lights and i had no idea where i was. i was waking up in front of a live audience. >> seth: wow. >> wait, this is a great segue. should we do that? >> seth: should we just pass out? >> i mean, there's an audience here. we could do that. >> seth: yeah, we could do it. [ applause ] >> okay, no, no, no. just kidding. but, no. it was -- it was crazy. i woke up in front of the audience and had no idea where i was, what i was doing. >> seth: how long did it take you lock back in? >> it was just a couple of seconds. literally probably eight seconds in total from the time i was standing and hit the ground to the time i stood up.
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but it could have been three years. >> seth: right. >> and when she saw me on the ground, she thought i was kidding with her because we did a lot of improv and stuff. and she thought i was just messing with her. so she said, are you okay? as much to the character as to the actor. the only thing i could think to say was, i think i just passed out. [ laughter ] >> seth: and that worked for the character too. >> they liked it. so we stood up and started dancing again and all went on just fine. >> seth: well, there you go. that's what a true actor would do. thank you so much for being here. congratulations on "the brink." [ cheers and applause ] it's a great show. pablo schreiber, everybody. "the brink" airs sunday nights on hbo. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you stream music, movies, tv, stuff you shouldn'twatch in public... like that guy! everything's on demand, so why wait two years to upgrade your phone? what if you made the wrong choice? or an even wronger choice?
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. last weekend serena williams won her sixth wimbledon title. this on the heels of her australian and french open win. serena is not only one of the best tennis players of all time, she very well may be one of the best athletes of all time. here to talk more about serena is one of our writers here at "late night" michelle wolf. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi. >> seth: hi, michelle. >> thank you for standing up. >> seth: michelle, so lovely to
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see you. >> hi, seth. let me first say a big congratulations to serena. you now have more plates from winning wimbledon than i have in my kitchen. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you don't have more than six plates? >> i don't have more than zero plates. >> seth: oh, man. you've gotta -- gotta get it together, michelle. >> i'm never gonna get it together! >> seth: all right. i'm fine. but you know what's not fine? every time serena wins, people talk about her body. take this quote from a "new york times" article that describes serena as having large biceps and a mold-breaking muscular frame. stop talking about her frame. she's not a ford f-150. [ light laughter ] then dumb dumbs on the internet say she wins so much because she's built like a man. she's not built like any man i know. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: talk to them. >> most men i run into disprove survival of the fittest. [ laughter ]
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if darwin were alive today, he'd look at men and say, "how'd you dorks make it?" [ light laughter ] >> seth: so, i'm sorry. how do you think people should describe serena? >> they could say she looks like an athlete. like the best athlete. or potentially she looks like someone that never really has trouble opening jars. [ laughter ] i think it's an overall problem of people qualifying how it's possible that a woman can be so great. for them the answer is she's good because she's -- she's like a man. that's the only possible explanation. you know what would be fair? >> seth: everyone's talent being appreciated for what it is. >> no! criticizing the men to even the score. [ laughter ] >> seth: no, no, no. that's very counterproductive. that's very counterproductive. >> no. shut up, man. [ light laughter ] take a look at this clip of novak djokovic from the wimbledon final on sunday. look at what he's eating. >> seth: did he just eat half a date? >> yeah. he took half a bite of a date and then put the other half back in a tupperware container.
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[ light laughter ] he was like, i'm too full. [ laughter ] i can't finish it all. i'm sorry. is there a bridesmaids dress you're trying to fit into? that was a djoke. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] they're right. you're wrong. >> seth: all right. >> and how about this little lady roger federer? >> seth: no, come on. [ laughter ] >> i can never decide if he's playing tennis or in a vidal sassoon commercial. [ light laughter ] how does he train for a big match? with 100 strokes of a hair brush? [ laughter ] and look how he hits the ball. he looks like a kid who was, like, "but daddy i want to be a ballet dancer." but his dad was like, "no. you're going to play sports." [ light laughter ]
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>> seth: alright. first of all, i don't know why he has an accent and his dad doesn't. [ laughter ] i just don't think this is a healthy way to deal with this. >> well, we can't stop before we get to rafael nadal. >> seth: no, stop. >> he has more head bands than any girl i know. except for one girl. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: all right. making fun -- isn't making fun of men just as bad as making fun of women? >> yes. you're right. but as you know, i am not a good person. [ light laughter ] >> seth: michelle, that's not true. that is not true. >> seth, thank you. and can i just say you look like you'd lose in a fight to a lululemon mannequin. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, you know what? >> a female one! >> seth: michelle wolf, everybody! we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ fifty! ♪ ok! ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a rhythm & blues musician making his network television debut with us tonight. performing "satisfy me," please
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welcome to the show anderson east! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i've sipped the finest brandy smelled the sweetest perfume ♪ ♪ i kissed the softest lips but even they wouldn't do ♪ ♪ i drove the autobahn in a coupe deville i climbed kilimanjaro it was just a hill ♪ ♪ gonna take more more more to satisfy me satisfy me ♪
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♪ now listen here baby you're just as fine as they come ♪ ♪ but you're a selfish little lover hot and cold hit and run ♪ ♪ got a phd in tlc and there's so many fish in the sea ♪ ♪ now it's gonna take more more more to satisfy me baby satisfy me ♪ ♪ ♪ it's gonna take more more more gonna take
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more more more ♪ ♪ it's gonna take more more more to satisfy me baby satisfy me ♪ ♪ satisfy me oh satisfy me oh satisfy ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how about that? anderson east, everybody! the album "delilah" is out now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] my thanks to amy schumer, pablo schreiber, anderson east, t-mobile, and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪


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