tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC February 13, 2017 11:34pm-12:38am PST
clock to prepare huge rocks to shore up the dangerous spillway. it has to be done by thursday. evacuation order in place for around 200,000 people. governor brown asked for federal aid and they will provide an update tomorrow at noon. we'll bring you full coverage on that. in the morning they will bring in the helicopter drops as well. thanks for joining us at 11:00. have a great day tomorrow. >> bye bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- magic johnson -- luke wilson --
comedian roy wood, jr. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 623, phoenix! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! hey! that's what i'm talking about, buddy! hi! welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. thank you very much. i send the love right back to you guys. welcome. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it! thank you so much for being
here, everybody. welcome. >> i love you, jimmy! >> jimmy: i love you, too. i love you, too, yeah. [ cheers ] i love everybody. guys, but love is in the air because tomorrow is valentine's day. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tomorrow is valentine's day, which means in 24 hours, guys all across the country will be telling their loved ones, "i thought you said we weren't doing gifts this year? [ laughter and applause ] but, you said that." just always get a gift. just always -- yeah, yeah, oh. actually i read that one of the more popular valentine's day gifts this year is gym memberships. [ audience oohs ] >> steve: oh, gosh. >> jimmy: what better way to say, "i love you" than by saying, "you're fat and i want you out of the house"? >> steve: aw. >> jimmy: it's like, thank you very much. appreciate that. [ applause ] the grammys were last night. did you watch the grammys? anybody? [ cheers and applause ] it was great. adele -- adele was the big winner. but -- yeah. [ cheers ] but get this. after winning for best album,
adele said she thought beyonce should have won instead. [ cheers ] then kanye was like, "damn, she beat me to it," and went back to sleep. [ applause ] you got to be there. you got to be there, kanye. did you see this? during his performance with a a tribe called quest, busta rhymes referred to president trump as "president agent orange." [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] and the secret service said, "great. now he needs a new code name. all right, uh, what do we -- uh -- give me something. orange julius?" well, this weekend at his mar-a-lago resort in florida, president trump apparently discussed sensitive information about a north korean missile launch in front of waiters and other guests. the guests said they won't share what they overheard, while the waiter said -- [ russian accent ] "no promises. [ laughter and applause ] president agent orange -- let cat out of bag." this is just crazy.
i saw someone at mar-a-lago posted a facebook photo with the man carrying the bag with the nuclear launch codes. even worse, the bag was a purse from the ivanka trump collection. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: and you got that -- the whole thing -- >> steve: what? >> jimmy: the whole thing is shady. i don't get it. >> steve: shady. >> jimmy: well this is pretty embarrassing. yesterday the u.s. department of education incorrectly spelled the name of civil rights activist w.e.b. du bois in a tweet. [ light laughter ] yeah. then they followed up -- they followed that tweet up -- and this is real -- by tweeting, "our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo --" [ laughter ] it was only -- >> steve: ah! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a lot of people called out controversial education secretary betsy devos, for the error. well, betsy actually reached to us to address this. so joining us now via satellite is education secretary betsy devos. [ laughter ] betsy, are you there?
[ cheers and applause ] betsy! >> yes, hi! hi, jimmy! i'm back on your tv. i'm betsy devos. >> jimmy: betsy, betsy the camera is -- the camera's behind you. >> oh, hello, camera! >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm betsy devos. >> jimmy: that's right, you are. now betsy, would you like to address this tweet controversy? >> oh, yes. a lot of people were screaming at me and making mad faces. so i prepared a formal apology. [ clears throat ] betsy devos's apology by betsy devos. oh, that's me! [ laughter ] we at the department of edu-cash cab are -- [ laughter ] -- so sorry for any teepos. parentheses look into camera and frown. [ laughter ] our sincerest "i'm sorry"s go out to w.e.b. du bois as well as to w.e.b. du girls. [ applause ]
>> jimmy: betsy -- betsy, what do you have to say to all the people who think that you're unqualified for this position? >> that's simply not true. i am totally got this. [ laughter ] let me show you with a quick game. pick any state and i can name the capital. >> jimmy: okay. new york. [ laughter ] >> how about a different game? >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right. how about just name any state? >> alaskaka. [ laughter ] floridian. misa-pee-pee. that's four right there. >> jimmy: all right, thank you very much. betsy. betsy devos, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm betsy devos. >> jimmy: that's right. betsy devos, thank you very, very much. cleared everything up. thank you. [ applause ] guys, it's reported that ivanka trump has been signing up for fitness classes in the washington, d.c., area using a a fake name. of course, she's not the only white house insider who uses an alias. i mean, for example, melania trump uses the alias,
"ivana go-back-to-slovenia." [ laughter ] press secretary sean spicer goes by, "angry spice." [ laughter and applause ] and finally, donald trump uses the alias, "hugh jands." there you go. [ applause ] hugh jands. >> steve: hugh jands. hugh jands. >> jimmy: as we mentioned earlier, tomorrow is valentine's day. and if you haven't made plans already, don't worry, you're not alone. joining us to help with some last minute ideas, is one our writers and self-proclaimed valentine's day planning expert, arthur meyer. welcome, arthur. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, jimmy. happy almost-valentine's day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ah, so what do you have to say to those procrastinators out there? >> well, i have some great news. you don't have to make plans weeks in advance to have a a romantic valentine's day. >> jimmy: that's great. what do you suggest? >> well, a romantic dinner is always a sure bet but good luck
finding a restaurant that isn't already fully booked for valentine's day. so just do what i do and surprise your lady with a a home-cooked meal. >> jimmy: cool. that's actually what i'm planning to do this year. >> hey, that's great, jimmy. mind if -- mind if me and the gal saddle up and join you? [ laughter ] i was just kidding. >> jimmy: what? [ light laughter ] >> yeah, no, yeah. i'm totally kidding about coming over to your place on valentine's day. unless you happen to be free. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm not free. i just told you i have plans. >> oh, yeah, no, yeah. i know. i mean, this would be super casual. it'd just be like a super low-key, like, four-hour dinner-dessert, hang sesh sort of thing. >> jimmy: hang sesh? no, that's not that low key at all. having you and your girlfriend invite yourselves over to my place for four hours? >> no, yeah, no, yeah. of course not, yeah. well if it helps, you know, it would actually just be me. my girlfriend can't make it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why not?
>> ah, because we broke up three years ago. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i'm sorry, but you're not coming over. >> well, i could. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. you can't! >> but i could. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you cannot. >> eh. [ laughter ] how about 6:30? >> jimmy: 6:30 it is. arthur meyer, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> we'll do guys' night! >> jimmy: that's right. [ applause ] and of course, the big movie at the box office this weekend was "the lego batman movie." which actually beat "fifty shades darker," and "fifty shades" loved it. we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots, right there! [ cheers and applause ]
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guys, thank you for being here. we have a great show tonight. one of the greatest players in nba history. magic johnson is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] the one and only. >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: the one and only! plus, from the new animated movie "rock dog," luke wilson is on the show! >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: magic and i are teaming up against luke and tariq from the roots in a game calmed "roomba pong." >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: that's going to be fun, tonight. and we have great, great stand-up from comedian roy wood jr. there he is right there. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i just met that baby. it's the cutest baby in the
world. i just met the baby backstage. >> steve: aw. >> jimmy: yeah. i saw roy last night. i saw him do a set at the stand here in new york over on third avenue. great comedy club. and he just destroyed. so you guys are in for a treat. it's going to be fantastic tonight. guys, as you know, we always like to showcase new talent here on "the tonight show." there's so much of it right here in new york city. right here in this audience. so we sent our -- [ cheers and applause ] we sent our writer becky down to the streets to find the most talented people. so now it's time for "tonight show sidewalk of fame." here he go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tonight show sidewalk of fame ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: as i said, becky's down live on the plaza outside 30 rock right now. [ cheers ] and we're going to have people perform their talents, and then have you, the audience, decide who's the winner. yeah. hey -- [ cheers and applause ] hey, becky, how's it going? [ cheers and applause ] >> it's going great, jimmy! >> jimmy: yeah, great to hear. how's the weather down there?
>> it's chilly. i'd say it feels like 36 degrees. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very specific. did you -- becky, you're probably right. becky, do you -- did you find any talented people out on the street? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: okay, great. yeah, who is -- [ laughter ] yeah. really helping me out here. yeah, yeah, yeah. well, who's up first? let's start it off here. >> this is jaken from rochester, new york. >> jimmy: jaken, okay great, dude. [ cheers and applause ] jaken from rochester. jaken, what is your talent? >> so, i can make a trumpet impression with my mouth. >> jimmy: you can -- so you make a trumpet noise with his mouth? >> mm-hmm. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: higgins. sorry. okay. whenever you're ready, i'd like to hear it. >> so i'm going to do justin bieber, "sorry." >> jimmy: okay. [ trumpet impression ]
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you for -- thank you for -- coming on the show. [ laughter ] thank you, buddy. [ laughter and applause ] becky -- becky who do we have next? [ laughter ] >> this is brittany from pittsburgh, pennsylvania. >> jimmy: hey! [ cheers and applause ] what i love about this city. it's all sorts of people. pittsburgh, pennsylvania! i love pittsburgh, primanti brother sandwiches. >> primanti brothers, yeah. >> jimmy: now. >> it's great. >> jimmy: yeah it is. what is your talent? >> so i can say all my 50 states in about 16 seconds. >> jimmy: you can say all 50 states -- in 16 seconds? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: this is good. i like this. and you're gonna time yourself? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, great. >> great. >> jimmy: i love this. let's see this. >> okay, ready? alabama, alaska, arizona, arkansas, california, colorado, connecticut, delaware, florida, georgia, hawaii, idaho, illinois, indiana, iowa, kansas, kentucky, louisiana, maine, maryland, massachusetts,
michigan, minnesota, mississippi, missouri, montana, nebraska, nevada, new hampshire, new jersey, new mexico, new york, north carolina, north dakota, ohio, oklahoma, oregon, pennsylvania, rhode island, south carolina, south dakota, tennessee, texas, utah, vermont, virginia, washington, west virgina, wisconsin, wyoming. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey! >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: that is impressive! >> steve: wow! that was micro machines good. >> jimmy: that was impressive. ho did you find out you had that talent? >> well, when i was in elementary school they taught us the state song. you know -- ♪ alabama alaska arizona arkansas ♪ and so we used to have competitions to say who could say it the fastest. and i've always been a fast talker so here i am. >> jimmy: hey, very well down. that was good stuff. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey becky -- that was good. becky, how about you? do you have any talents besides hosting? >> i do. i can do a scarf dance. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who's our last contestant we have, becky? >> steve: oh! [ laughter ]
>> our last contestant, this is danielle, ariel and morelle. they are three sisters from cleveland, ohio. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, hey! >> steve: three! >> jimmy: welcome, guys! guys, what is your talent? >> all: we can sing with our mouths closed. >> jimmy: ooh, interesting. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now, i'd like to see this. let's do -- this is perfect. let's see it. >> all right. >> jimmy: whenever you're ready. >> ready, set, go -- ♪ you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. ♪ you'll never know dear how much i love you so please don't take my sunshine away ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that was fantastic! [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic. that's great. becky can we line up all the talented contestants? [ cheers and applause ] they were great! before we decide the winner,
becky, the audience here really wants to see your scarf dance. [ cheers and applause ] >> ooh, ooh, yeah. oh, yeah! >> jimmy: all right. all right. very good. now, then -- [ laughter ] that was it? >> steve: that was the scarf dance? >> jimmy: now, the audience will decide the winner by round of applause. was it contestant number one? [ cheers and applause ] all right, good. was it contestant number two? [ cheers and applause ] or was it contestant number three? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the winner is contestant number two. that is our winner! becky! becky, what prize do we have for them? >> our winner gets a "tonight show" hoodie and $100. >> jimmy: hey. not bad! [ cheers and applause ] >> and you guys, you did not win, so you each get $50 and a a "tonight show" tank top. >> jimmy: hey, that's pretty good, too. >> thank you guys for playing.
>> jimmy: that's a cool tank top. yeah, we'll get you three of those. i promise. i'll get you three of those. thank you, becky. and how about another round of applause for our contestants. [ applause ] that was fantastic. we'll be right back with magic johnson, everybody! come back to "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ (vo) maybe it was here,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a hugely successful entrepreneur and philanthropist, he's also an olympic gold medalist, a a 12 time all-star and five time nba champion who recently rejoined the front office of his beloved los angeles lakers. here to tell us about that more, please welcome to the show magic johnson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> aw, man. >> jimmy: always looking sharp and looking good.
>> wow, thank you. >> jimmy: that's the one and only right there. welcome back. >> i appreciate it, man. i appreciate it. let me say -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i was at the white house, and the roots -- >> jimmy: yeah, i heard about this party. >> they -- they turned that party out, and questlove -- [ cheers and applause ] questlove, djed after they played, and sang the songs and played for other artists, it was amazing. >> jimmy: yeah. no that -- everyone, yes -- >> oh, we were down, boogie-ing down to the floor that night. >> jimmy: really? you got that low? >> i mean, down. >> jimmy: you got low. really? >> real low. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> hey, hey, questlove, that's the errol flynn. that's back in my day. >> questlove: i know. [ laughter ] the errol flynn. >> so we were doing it that night. we had fun. >> jimmy: you were close to the president, right? >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: how's your relationship? >> i loved president obama. i love president obama. love the first lady, as well, michelle.
>> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> and i co-chaired my brother's keeper. >> jimmy: that's right. yeah. >> so we want to catch minority boys before the third grade. make sure that they can read. make sure that we give them math skills, because what happens, if it's after the third grade, they can't catch up. so we want to make sure, and president obama's really behind this, and that's going to be his passion. even out of the oval office. he's going to continue that. right now. >> jimmy: yeah. really? >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a good thing they do. i know thast. >> yeah >> jimmy: we talked about that last time. >> i love it, you know, because we got to do that. education is the key. >> jimmy: the key, man. absolutely. i agree with you. but now you're doing that as well but you're back with the lakers? >> yes! >> jimmy: which makes so much sense! >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that. just makes sense. [ cheers and applause ] you have to be back. you are the lakers, man. come on. >> i want to help get them back on track, you know, and when -- [ laughter ] don't tell nobody. >> jimmy: no. we got you. we know what you mean.
yeah. >> you know, it's -- you know, we've been struggling here in the last four or five years. and so, jeanie buss asked me to come back. be an adviser to her. and, you know, i love the game. i love the lakers. so, it's been great. i think i've been back for the last two weeks just trying to come up with a strategy and a a plan to get us back where we belong which is on top. >> jimmy: i know how that -- i mean come on. you a pro -- if anyone can do it, can you do it, man, because you're magic! >> well, i appreciate -- [ applause ] >> well, i wish i was about -- this was 20, 25 years ago so i could put on them little hot pants we used to wear. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know. >> and they was tight, too. >> jimmy: i know. i -- >> sometimes i wondered, how did we get in those. man! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did you, right?. >> exactly. >> jimmy: no, yeah. i thought it was cool look, man. come on. >> yeah, it was a cool look, back then. >> jimmy: back then. yeah, you can't pull it off now. but, i mean -- you were a great entrepreneur. i know, the last time you were here you and questlove were talking about the different magic johnson -- magic johnson
fridays and then what was the reason behind this? >> well, what i tried to do was, in urban america, a lot of, when you think about retailers, were not coming into our community. so you couldn't get a salad in urban america. you can get fast foods but you couldn't get healthy foods. you couldn't get healthy options. so what i tried to do was bring quality products and services to the urban consumer. so it started off with magic johnson theaters. and a matter of fact, we built them all over the country. then we went to starbucks, built those all over the country. >> jimmy: magic johnson starbucks? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: i mean what a genius idea. just call it magic johnson and you just have -- i didn't know you could do that. [ laughter ] magic johnson's chipotle! [ laughter ] you're a genius! it was unbelievable! >> well -- well, you know, we quite don't know what scones are. so i took the scones out of my starbucks though. >> jimmy: smart, smart, smart, smart. take that out the starbucks,
yeah. >> african-americans, we just don't eat scones. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, i got you. i understand. >> so sweet potato pie -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> pound cake, sock it to me cakes, peach cobbler. [ laughter ] but, the reason is because, also, we didn't have meeting places back in that time, as well. so the starbucks, the friday's, became a meeting place for us to meet our friends and then, really, friday's was because, again, a lady came up to me and said, "son, i can't get a salad in my own community." would you mind investing in a a restaurant so i could get a a salad? and that's how friday's came about. >> jimmy: have you ever had a a bad investment? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: mine was -- mine was a horse. >> yours, too? >> jimmy: yours, too? >> oh, man! >> jimmy: you got a racehorse? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah! >> he tricked me. >> jimmy: maybe it's the same dude! >> you know what? >> jimmy: he tricked me, too. some guy is like, "do you want to own a racehorse?" i go, "yeah!" of course i'd want to -- everyone wants to own a a racehorse. >> he took me out there and it was running fast by itself.
>> jimmy: yeah! [ laughter ] everything's got a little -- >> yeah! [ laughter ] they put him beside the other 9 horses. he ran slow. >> jimmy: yeah! [ laughter ] he was like this, standing in the corner smoking. [ laughter ] you can't smoke! a smoking horse! >> oh, man. >> jimmy: do you remember the name of it? >> no. we came in last. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that might be the name of it. "we came in last." >> i don't never want to invest in a horse again after that. >> jimmy: i thought i could name the horse. so i was, like, because i invested. i go, "great, you're going to be sea warrior." i was going to talk to him. "you're going to win the kentucky derby. you go all the way." they go, "you can't name the horse. the horse already has a name." i go, "oh. what's the horse's name?" poco bueno. [ laughter ] i go, "what does that mean?" and he goes, "a little bit good." [ laughter ] you got to be kidding me? >> you knew you were in trouble then. >> jimmy: i'm in trouble right there. i go, "who bought -- who bought mucho bueno?" i would have even taken bueno.
plain bueno. guys, magic johnson and i are playing a fun game after the break. [ cheers and applause ] come back. ♪ hey, man. i'm just gonna wing it. you are completely and utterly... my friend. it's like... really rare. you're too important to lose. i could never get through this world without you. music: (piano cover of guns n' roses "sweet child o' mine) ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! we are hanging out with nba legend magic johnson! ♪ we're about to play a game of beer pong but with a twist. the twist is that we've attached that cup to these roombas. [ cheers ] which will be aimlessly roaming around the tables as we try to sink our shots. magic and i are a team but tariq is going to need a a partner, and we found a good one. his new animated movie "rock dog" is in theaters next friady. please welcome luke wilson, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming back.
i appreciate it. >> magic, how you doing, man. >> good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right there. that's it, pal. rules are the same as beer pong. if you make a shot, the other team chugs the beer. first team to sink two cups wins. also, magic doesn't drink, so i'll be doing the drinking for our team. [ laughter ] tariq and luke, why don't you guys go first? magic and i will be over here. all right. [ cheers and applause ] good luck. go for it, buddy. >> do you shoot at-will? >> jimmy: no, oh, sorry. >> oh. >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's this one. luke -- >> luke. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wait! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that was good. [ drums play ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: wait, what -- now we're just -- everyone just -- >> oh! >> yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> good one. [ drums play ] >> yes! yes! yes! >> jimmy: oh, wait. no. he goes -- >> oh, go. >> jimmy: and then we go.
>> okay. go ahead. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: yeah. >> ooh. ♪ >> jimmy: oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> yes! >> jimmy: that's the game? [ drums play ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there's the winners right there. luke wilson, tariq trotter. magic johnson, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] we are talking to luke wilson after the break. stick around. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ who doesn't love chocolate? thick, rich chocolate. chocolate makes you feel good! hot chocolate in a cup. java chips. two espresso shots. melt it down. ooh, just thick, chocolatey goodness. mm-hmm. once you've reached the bottom, that's the best part. top to bottom chocolate for the chocolate lover. uh-ah, this isn't normal whipped cream. chocolate espresso whipped cream. it's all about chocolate.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're a stud. thank you for coming back. >> thank you. i just said to magic backstage, i was like, this was pretty cool two legends getting to a -- talk to each other. [ laughter ] and he really looked over my shoulder, down the hallway. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that actually happened? >> i guess he thought that i was kidding or -- being ironical but, no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, you're talking about -- magic and me, right? >> yeah, us two guys. >> jimmy: i mean, how cool was that? we just played beer pong with magic johnson. >> unbelievable, yeah. >> jimmy: are you a big basketball fan? did you play basketball growing up? >> i mean, it was one of those sports i never really could -- totally get the hang of. [ laughter ] i mean, i played football and ran track, but i mean, i always liked to shoot baskets, like -- at one point i was like living with my brothers and a friend in this apartment and we played this game, "tip horse" to see who cleaned the apartment. and it was -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what's tip horse?
>> well, it's like horse, but you could -- tipping is involved. so you could catch it in the air and put the rebound in. >> jimmy: oh, interesting. >> and yeah, this apartment we were living in, it wasn't like the apartment of some guys that had given up on cleaning. it's like guys that had given up on life. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, i know those places. >> this place was -- was horrible. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess that's true. there is no cleaning it up. >> and -- and wes anderson actually lived there too, but somehow, he -- he wouldn't have to play in these tip horse games, because we -- we would do this thing where you could say anything to the guy shooting. so he'd say, you know, personal things. >> jimmy: oh, trash talk. >> insulting things. yeah, trash talk but even taking it, like, to another level. like, i had this girlfriend leave me for this really handsome surfer-type guy. and so like, i'd be taking a a shot, and it would be like, "jim's a hunk!" [ laughter ] and then -- you know? you'd pull the shot. >> jimmy: jim's a hunk. that's fantastic. >> you could -- you could bring up anything, you know. outstanding warrants. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] whatever -- whatever you could do. >> the divorce. >> jimmy: divorce is fun --
whatever you can do to -- you gotta win the game. i'm not cleaning it up. yeah, absolutely. >> yeah, i mean, you'd think that we would have all just worked together and cleaned it up in like an hour, but you know, no. >> jimmy: instead, yeah. >> yeah, just emotional abuse. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what brothers do. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how is the family? how is everyone doing now? is mom good? >> everybody's great. thank you. everyone's doing good. actually, i'd stopped in texas, where i'm from on the way here, and my -- my mom's got a new thing where now when i go visit she tries to give me stuff to take home. [ light laughter ] so she'll be like, "here's some old trophies and i found some old sweaters. and here's some books." and i said, "so, are you and dad moving? like, you know, what -- what's going on here?" >> jimmy: this is the way it works. this is the deal. i keep my stuff here. >> she's trying to like give me my memories to take on the road. so i said, last week i said, "i can't take this stuff. like i got to go on jimmy fallon." and she's like, "now, who's jimmy fallon?" [ audience aws ] and now -- now, don't -- don't. i said -- i said you know, "the tonight show." you know, johnny carson -- well, he's the -- the johnny carson now, like, she doesn't -- she doesn't know who -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> like, i did a movie with
adam sandler. she didn't know who -- who adam was, and she came on the set and she said, she was like, "i mean, adam is just so funny!" [ laughter ] and i said, "yeah, i mean, he's a comedy legend." he's built, like, a comedy empire, but we -- we did watch you, me and my mom watched you last week, and she thought you were great. [ laughter ] really, really. >> jimmy: i don't know if i believe you! i don't know, you're a good actor, but i don't know if i believe that one, though. [ cheers and applause ] >> we watched -- >> jimmy: does she not -- does she not have a tv? >> no, she has a tv, but, you know -- >> jimmy: is she not up this late? >> no, she wasn't up that late. so, we watched the -- the monologue. and she said "he's great. he's really charming and funny." and it was the night seth meyers was on. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. he was great too. >> i said, so these guys are great together, huh? and i looked over, and she was out. >> jimmy: she was sleeping. [ laughter ] or just out of the room? >> no, no, no. she had fallen asleep. >> jimmy: she just conked out. >> she just drifted off. >> jimmy: i have that effect people. >> very, very, very peacefully. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have that effect -- what is your mom's name? >> laura. >> jimmy: laura wilson -- [ laughter ] come back to us. come back to the "tonight show." we love you so much.
your son is doing so well, and you got to watch the show more often. [ cheers and applause ] if anyone -- yeah. >> well, you got a new fan now. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm happy. that's good. >> yeah. before -- before you spoke to her, but even -- even now. now she's really going to love you. >> jimmy: oh, good. all right, good. i want -- moms should love me. yeah, i like that. [ light laughter ] i'm on the mom's side all the time. i got to talk about "rock dog." congrats on this. this is a good fun family movie. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who -- who doesn't want to see a cartoon dog -- a a singing cartoon dog? it's so funny. you rocked out. and it's just -- it's great. >> yeah, it's -- it's like the first time my niece and nephews have ever shown any interest in me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> you know, it's like, you walk into the room, and say hey -- it's not that they're not excited to see you, they just -- have zero interest in seeing you. but now, it's like, "hey, when's "rock dog" come out? like, can you get me a ticket?" >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've never done a
a family film before? >> i done -- i did this movie "my dog skip" which was like a a kids' movie. i was, actually, at the premiere of "my dog skip" but when they have kids movies they'll have premieres like early on saturday mornings at like 11:00. and the "my dog skip" premiere was great. tons of little kids, they were all laughing, all loved the movie, and then the movie ended and skip dies at the end. [ audience aws ] [ light laughter ] um -- and it was -- it was -- [ light laughter ] but it ended and it was dead silence in the theater, and i thought, what the hell is going on in here? and it was just little kids crying. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: this is -- this is terrible! >> it was like, you and i when we saw "sounder." or like "old yeller." >> jimmy: "old yeller," yeah. >> but at the party, they -- they all came roaring back. >> jimmy: but -- we should let everyone know, this -- that doesn't happen in this film. >> no. "rock dog" does not die. >> jimmy: no, he does not. it's very -- very happy. [ cheers and applause ] >> we can't! there's gonna be another "rock dog." >> jimmy: unless there won't be "rock dog 2." yeah, exactly. no, it is actually -- no, it's super fun and, it's -- who's voice of the year? and they go --
>> j.k. simmons. >> jimmy: j.k. simmons, but i didn't know if it was him or was it sam -- >> sam elliott's in it. >> jimmy: sam elliot's voice. i go, "oh, my gosh." >> and eddie izzard. >> jimmy: eddie izzard's fantastic as well. there's good songs in it as well. we have a clip. here's luke wilson and j.k. simmons in the animated movie "rock dog." take a look at this. >> where did you -- did you break into the -- ah. my son the thief. >> i -- i know. i'm sorry. but see, there's this guy named angus, and he was telling me about rock 'n' roll park, and finding my band, and it was like the answer of the question of my life, dad. do you understand? >> i'm gonna have to get a new lock. like those things grow on trees around here. >> if you could feel what i'm feeling -- here! ♪ >> give me the -- bodi! son, give me that! gimme! [ crashing ] ♪ now when you've come to your senses, you're going to march down here and you're going to hand over that noisemaker and we're going to pretend this never happened. >> jimmy: there you go, right there. [ cheers and applause ] luke wilson, everybody!
"rock dog" is in theaters february 24th. we'll be right back with stand up from roy wood jr. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey ramirez! un poquito mas rapido, no? [instrumental music playing throughout] [wheel squeaking] beautiful bike, just beautiful. ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] carlos! carlos! dr. brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my next guest is a a correspondent on "the daily show" and his one hour comedy special, "father figure," premieres sunday february 19th on comedy central. it's available for presale now on itunes and google play. everyone, please welcome roy wood jr.! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. damn! it's -- it's almost as if we know each other. i needed that. my self-esteem needed that. [ cheers ] i lost an argument with my girl over light bulbs. [ light laughter ] i didn't -- i didn't even know light bulbs was something you could argue about, but i lost!
[ laughter ] trying to decorate the house, and apparently the new thing with light bulbs, i did not know this, but now the new thing with light bulbs is you just hang a single light bulb from a string from your ceiling. just a naked light bulb, just hanging -- just a hanging naked light bulb, and she was like, doesn't it look nice? it looked like poverty. i'm going to be real with ya. all right? [ laughter and applause ] it -- like poverty. i -- i walk in my house, it look like the first wu-tang video. that's not the look i'm going for. [ laughter ] not what i want. i went to college. so, i could afford lights that's attached to stuff. [ laughter ] she moved in. i lose the thermostat battles too. [ light laughter ] half the relationship is just me waiting for her to leave the room so i can change the thermostat. [ laughter ] that's it. the thermostat, she always got it on 80, and you -- you just go back and forth. and that's when you realize that -- that your parents lied to you. your parents lied to ya. when -- when they told us what we need to look for in a mate,
they gave us the wrong list. that list was horrible. find someone that respects you. and who -- who has ambition, and watch how they treat a a waitress, because how they treat a wait -- no. find you somebody you thermostatically compatible with. that's what you need. [ cheers and applause ] put it at the top of your list. thermostatic compatibility should be above religion. a catholic can date a a christian, but a 82 can't date a 67. [ laughter and applause ] are you crazy? [ applause ] it will never work! not even with a space heater. you're forcing it. just let her go. she ain't for you. [ laughter ] gotta let it go. i shop. i try to shop online now, because the cashiers keep asking me about these discount cards, in the store. i don't have the discount cards. okay? just -- just let me go. i want to leave. [ light laughter ] just ring up my stuff.
let me leave. i want to leave so bad, i'd rather pay full price. that's how bad i want to leave. [ laughter ] but they grill you about the card. well, do you -- do you have the discount card? here's a favorite question. why i got to have card to get a a discount? why can't you just always give us the cheapest price? why do i have to -- [ cheers and applause ] like -- we -- we shouldn't have to join the grocery store illuminati to get 10% off. [ laughter ] i don't need that. i appreciate the hospitality, but some people just overdo it. some companies overdo it. i went on a cruise. too much hospitality. [ light laughter ] i met the captain of the boat. that's unnecessary. [ laughter ] it's unnecessary. at no point during my cruise do i need to meet the highest ranking person on the vessel! i'm at the pool, and he's walking, he's got his jacket and he's sashaying around and -- "welcome aboard.
i am the captain. are you having pleasure?" uh, who driving right now? [ laughter and applause ] go back to the steering wheel. we in the ocean. anything could happen. this where godzilla lives. bro, this is crazy! [ laughter ] you doing u-turns in the ocean -- like a cruise is so weird. it makes you appreciate airline pilots. i have nothing but respect for airline pilots now, because they don't talk to you. [ light laughter ] it's not their job. it's the flight attendants' job to say hello. the airline pilot ain't got time to talk to you. he's busy, he trying to make sure he does his job properly. you look in the cockpit, you get on the plane. what you see? two people nervous, checking buttons. that's all you see. that's all you see in the cockpit. two people trying not to lose their job. [ laughter ] "did you check all of the buttons?" [ laughter ] because we can't leave 'til we check all the -- you got to check the buttons up here, and then we check the buttons down here. just -- the starter. "ladies and gentlemen, there's going to be a delay."
[ laughter ] "we gotta recheck these buttons. thank for choosing" -- i don't need that. [ cheers and applause ] like -- like, i honestly don't need the captain of the flight walking down the aisle checking on me. just fly the plane, man. we cool. i don't need you sashaying -- "welcome aboard. we are flying. do you see? we have wi-fi. are you having pleasure? in the sky?" [ laughter ] but the captain gets it right. nobody does it better than a -- than a airplane captain. because he knows it's not time to say, hello, before the flight. he knows to wait 'til after the flight, after the job is done. that's when he starts coming out saying, hello, because he's earned it. [ laughter ] i just flew you 500 miles an hour at 30,000 feet and landed safely on the first attempt. hell yeah! i'm going to come out and say hello. i want you to know who i am. [ cheers and applause ] that's -- that's why when you
get off the plane, the captain is standing in the door like a a boss. he like, "what's up? you saw that?" [ laughter ] and the copilot's next to him. "i checked the buttons. how you doing?" thank y'all so much. i appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's how you do it. that's how you do it right there. roy wood jr.! his comedy special, "father figure" premieres this sunday on comedy central. we'll be right back, everybody! wow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is gus.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to magic johnson. luke wilson, roy wood jr.! and the roots, right there! from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers!" thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- john oliver. from hbo's "girls," zosia mamet. featuring the 8g band with brann dailor. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [cheers and applause] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. the grammy awards were last night, which is pretty embarrassing for ceelo green, who showed up dressed as an oscar. [ light laughter ]