tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 30, 2018 12:37am-1:38am PDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- alan cumming, cnn chief international correspondent christiane amanpour, music from beth ditto, featuring the 8g band with brendan canty. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth myers and this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. well, congratulations to everyone who had rex tillerson in their office pool. [ laughter ] president trump has fired rex tillerson, his secretary of state which i think means the
only remaining white house staffers are mike pence and a roomba. [ laughter ] "and i don't trust that roomba. [ laughter ] always skulking around." according to a report, secretary of state rex tillerson found out that he'd been fired from president trump's tweet this morning. well, technically, it was a re-tweet. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] president trump this morning cited differences of opinions on the iran nuclear deal as motivation for firing secretary of state rex tillerson. you see, tillerson thinks the iran-nuclear deal is necessary for global stability. while trump thinks iran is iraq. [ laughter ] president trump tweeted last night the house intelligence committee has found no evidence of collusion or coordination between the trump campaign and russia, and then he tweeted,
"can someone help me turn off the caps lock button? oh, there it is. never mind." [ laughter and applause ] according to cnn, president trump has been told by advisers not to fight stormy daniels' decision to break her confidentiality agreement because it would make him look guilty. though not as guilty as say having a confidentiality agreement. [ laughter ] nobody makes you sign a confidentiality agreement when they're proud of what they did. [ laughter ] you never hear, "okay, i worked out for an hour and then ate a salad. no one must ever know of this!" [ laughter ] "sign here." [ light laughter ] reporters snapped a photo of donald trump jr. campaigning in pennsylvania that appears to show trump being interviewed by a chocolate bunny. [ laughter ] which explains why a frenzied eric showed up to his house at midnight. "help! [ laughter ]
i think i killed a reporter!" [ laughter ] according to reports -- [ cheers and applause ] according to reports, taco bell has sold 53 million orders of its nacho fries. the fries are so successful they're thinking about expanding into mexican food. [ laughter ] fitness tracker fitbit has announced it will introduce the first band dedicated for kids called the fitbit ace. it will provide them with custom health reports like, "tommy, if you keep doing that so much you'll go blind." [ laughter and applause ] a judge has ruled on the dispute over who will be allowed to take custody of the body of notorious serial killer charles manson. so congratulations to hard rock cafe! [ laughter and applause ] and finally, as we mentioned earlier, president trump has
fired secretary of state rex tillerson which brings us to a segment we call "a couple things." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: first thing, tillerson found out that he was fired from a trump tweet. even when you get fired from domino's, the manager takes you into that crappy little office and tells you to your face. [ laughter ] tweets are for finding out which band is in town or which airline was mean to chrissy teigen. [ laughter ] and of course, trump didn't fire tillerson to his face just like he didn't fire james comey to his face. basically, if you're over 6 feet tall, trump wants no part of giving you bad news. [ laughter ] that's why he's jumping at the chance to meet with kim jong-un. "he's how short? oh! i'll look like a giant next to him." [ laughter and applause ] second thing -- i'm not saying rex tillerson was a great secretary of state. he had the energy of a 14-year-old bloodhound on his third mint julep. [ laughter ] he always looked like he was walking through a fart cloud.
[ laughter ] but if you're going to fire cabinet secretaries for being bad at their jobs, let me refer you to betsy devos' appearance on "60 minutes." not only was she wildly uninformed, but "60 minutes" is also her longest work day so far. [ laughter ] also, side thing, why fire tillerson today? well, just yesterday tillerson said the attempted poisoning of an ex-spy in london quote, "clearly came from russia" and that the incident will trigger a response. hey, just don't -- they just didn't know the response would be "clean out your desk." [ light laughter ] third thing, hopefully what we're seeing with the resignation of gary cohen and the firing of rex tillerson is the end of this myth that serious people can rein in donald trump. if th white house is a fraternity in an '80s movie, tillerson was the dean. [ laughter ] and the dean never wins in an '80s movie. [ laughter ] "now listen up, delta house, i'm going out of town for a business trip and i don't want trouble while i'm gone!" "oh, sure thing, dean tillerson, i promise -- [ laughter ] i promise we won't do anything to get you fired."
[ light laughter ] final thing, the only thing more puzzling than people agreeing to work for donald trump 18 months ago are people who are agreeing to work for him now. [ laughter ] i mean, i get the first few ninjas who thought they could take down uma thurman in "kill bill," but what was the last guy thinking? [ laughter ] "oh, i get it if i come at her from the right. and also i'll yell first." and don't got me wrong, i do feel some sympathy for the cohns and tillersons of this administration. but in the same way i feel sympathy when someone gets attacked by a gorilla at the zoo. and that my first thought is, "oh, that's horrible." and my second thought is, "why is he going in the [ bleep ] gorilla cage? [ laughter ] this has been "a couple things." [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show for you tonight! he is the star of "instict" on cbs. alan cumming is back on the show. he's one of our favorites. [ cheers and applause ] she is the host of cnn's new series, "sex and love around the world." journalist christiane amanpour is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and music from an incredible
singer, beth ditto is here on "late night" tonight. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to that, white house press secretary sarah huckabee sanders holds a lot of press briefings. but i don't think they'd asked all the questions we need answers to. so we decided to hold another one right here, right now. that's right, sarah huckabee sanders and the "late night" press corps are here in our studio and ready to go. so without further ado, it's time for the "late night white house press briefing." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: madam secretary. madam secretary. yes, yes, mrs. sanders, thank you. seth meyers. "late night with seth meyers." secretary sanders, would you like to open with some nonsense to try and distract us from the fact that the world is burning? >> we're excited to announce today that natalie and her 8-year-old cousin celia will be coming to the white house on march 23rd to work with the white house kitchen staff. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: oh, nice. good nonsense. moving on, president trump fired rex tillerson today.
what did he do during his time at the white house? >> served out his 12-month sentence. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: when president trump is hiring someone for his staff, what does he want to see on their resume? >> organized in transnational crime, gang violence and other crimes. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: there seems to be a lot of chaos in the white house these days. what's going inside trump's head right now? >> i would not presume to understand anything going on with that individual. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: has -- has the stormy daniels scandal caused trump to curb his adulterous behavior? >> president trump's position on trophy hunting remains the same. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: if you wanted to hide something where nobody would ever find it, where would you put it? >> under president trump's leadership.
[ laughter and applause ] >> seth: what does melania hope to accomplish during her time as first lady? >> the goal is to get free. [ laughter ] >> seth: what's been, of all of them, out of every single experience, what's been your favorite moment of working in the white house so far? >> none of them. [ laughter ] >> seth: what will happen if stormy daniels releases those lurid photos? >> we're going to look. [ laughter ] >> seth: just for scheduling purposes, when is the impeachment? >> the event will take place monday, april 2nd on the south lawn. families with children 13 years old and younger are invited to join. >> seth: oh, great. [ cheers and applause ] fun for the whole family. >> seth: does working in this white house age people prematurely? >> i'm 11 years old, almost 12. [ laughter ] >> seth: hmm. wow.
when president trump got married, did he mean it when he said "'til death do us part?" >> the president was clearly joking. [ laughter ] >> seth: is it true that president trump got a new snow cone machine for the oval office? >> isis is being crushed like it wasn't before. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: sorry, did you say ice or isis? [ laughter and applause ] all right. can you finish this popular children's nursery rhyme? ♪ if you're happy and you know it -- ♪ >> get a warrant to spy on american citizens. [ laughter ] >> seth: any ideas for a "home alone" reboot? >> kevin should be preventing terrorists and contraband from entering the nation. [ laughter ] >> seth: last question. where does melania pretend she is when she makes love to her husband? >> under obama. >> seth: oh-kay! [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ]
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also back with us tonight on drums. he's the founding member of post hard core punk legends fugazi. be sure to check out the self-titled album from his new band the messthetics available march 23rd on discord records, brendan canty, everyone! thank you so much for being back, brendan. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is the tony award-winning actor you know from his work on "the good wife." he returns to television in the new series "instinct" which premieres sunday night on cbs. let's take a look. >> inside of your book, there was also a bookmark. >> ah, the master of high knowledge card. >> in cartomancy, the king of clubs is said to be one who has great power, but one who is not aware of this. >> your best-selling criminal theory book is about playing cards. this killer is using them. >> my book is not about playing cards. gambling was the central motif. the compulsion for risk versus the need for control. two competing ideas which serial killers and psychopaths share with us all. >> when did my book of myths arrive? >> we got your book the day before gina was killed. >> so the king of clubs arrives the day before the kid's killed, and the jack of diamonds is left
at the kid's feet at the scene of the crime. i think you may be right. i think the killer is trying to talk back to my book. or to me. >> seth: please welcome back to the show our good friend alan cumming, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome back. >> thank you. >> seth: i'm so happy to have you here. and, by the way, it's lovely to have you in another show that takes place in new york city. excellent accent work there. >> thanks. >> seth: yeah, it's great. [ light laughter ] variably, but you actually got to be in scotland? you were there this morning? did you wake up in scotland? >> yesterday morning, i woke up in scotland. >> seth: yesterday. >> yeah, i was there. i was there 'cause it was mother's day and we have mother's day on a different day from you. >> seth: really? >> in case you were panicking that you missed it. >> seth: yeah, i would have. i definitely would have. >> yeah, we have mother -- mother's day was on sunday. so, i saw my mom and it was a wedding. a lovely wedding and my friends roddy and claude had got married
at st. andrews on saturday. and before that, i was filming a bit and it was also my mom's 80th birthday last month. >> seth: oh fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] was she -- she must have just been delighted i'm assuming to have you home for her birthday. >> yeah, it was good. and actually, all of my family who are alive were there. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i do want you to know that we wouldn't have thought otherwise. [ laughter ] i wouldn't have followed up with, "even the dead ones, alan?" >> even the dead ones. we have old scottish traditions, but that seems -- >> seth: so you get to play a retired cia operative. >> yes. >> seth: who gets recruited by the nypd. >> yes. >> seth: because a serial killer is using your book. >> my book -- >> seth: yeah. >> and i'm also sort of a fuddy duddy professor at penn state. >> seth: okay, look at all -- there's a lot going on. >> and also i'm a homosexual. >> seth: yeah, which is very exciting. i don't want to just roll by that. because it's not the most -- it's not what your character is about. >> no. see that's what i think is great about it, seth is that -- so, it's like a thing a fourth or fifth thing of the
characteristics of this person is that he's gay and married in a happy sort of marriage. and actually, what i think is really amazing is that most of the times, especially on network tv, when someone is gay, when there is a gay character it's like, "they're gay, gay, gay," and it is all about their sexuality and usually in a negative way. so the fact that this has a character whose gayness is, you know, way low on the list of things that are most important about him is a positive thing. and also the fact that when you do see this sort of his same sex life, it's in a really positive way. and that's two things i don't think are represented enough in this country. >> seth: well it's fantastic. and i didn't realize -- [ cheers and applause ] the first -- it's the first time. >> it's the first time on a network drama that a gay -- there's been a tv drama with a gay character in the leading role. >> seth: that's amazing. >> it's shocking. >> seth: perfect, been a perfect choice. [ cheers and applause ] you, obviously, this is a show about the police. you're a cia operative, so you have a gun. >> i do have a gun, yes. which has been -- it's sort of a -- well i mean, i have mixed
feelings about that because i'm very -- i play a cop, sort of a cop person and a cia person. so, obviously, he has a gun. it's part of the story. but, i obviously, and especially in the current atmosphere, i have -- you know, it's difficult for me to kind of marry that. but, you know, i think it's really hard for people in this country who are so used to gun violence just being an everyday occurrence and it's almost an unacceptable part of your culture. you know, from where i'm from, there was never any idea of people having -- owning guns. it's been difficult for me, but i have it. but you know, i'm quite -- i don't really ever shoot anyone. but the only thing -- [ laughter ] i've ever -- in the show, i mean. [ laughter ] the only time -- the only time i've ever shot anything is i shot a glass of poisoned iced tea out of whoopi goldberg's hand. >> seth: oh, wow. [ light laughter ] >> thereby saving her life. and also, i'm really bad, because there's always these lovely cop adviser guys and gun adviser people who show you how
to grip it, and everything. and i -- i'm, like, the lead in the show, so i guess they don't really say to me, "that was rubbish." but i realized after the first couple of times, that my co-star in it, bojana, she's quite small. and when the first time we come in, and go, you know, "police," or whatever, i realized that she was taller than me and it's because my stance for doing the gun, i go like this. [ laughter ] like sort of, like broad, like, bob fosse kind of thing. [ light laughter ] and she's so much taller than me because my legs are so wide apart. and someone said, "why do you do that?" i go, "i don't know. i didn't realize i was doing it." maybe just to be balanced, you know? >> seth: yeah. >> but that's -- so i'm kind of a -- i've got a sort of slight broadway flair to my -- [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: as you should. you -- you've talked before -- you've done cabaret shows here in new york. you have another one coming up that you're going to be doing. >> i do. >> seth: both at joe's pub and club carlisle. >> yeah, yeah, because -- so, the last one i did, it was called alan cumming sings sappy
songs. it's like a sort of a cabernet evening. i sang songs in my little band. i tell stories. and i did it first of all at the cafe carlisle which is an amazing venue. like, you know, very legendary people have performed in this tiny place. and then i did it at -- i bet it's really expensive to go to. it costs like a gazillion dollars to go. and then i did it at carnegie hall, which is also not cheap. and then i finished it in december. i did the last gigs at joe's pub downtown which is more reasonable. so my friends could come to that. >> seth: yeah. [ applause ] >> so this time around, my new show is call "legal immigrant." so there's some topical issues there. and so i'm doing it -- i can't believe they let me. so, i do 8:45 -- this is in june. the 8:45 show at the cafe carlisle. the swanky uptown one, and then at the midnight show at joe's pub. >> seth: oh, that's fantastic. so twice a night? >> yeah, twice a night. [ applause ] because i'm a downtown -- i'm a downtown boy living in an uptown world. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. people have often said that about you. so your show again premiering
this on sunday. >> yeah. >> seth: and, you know, one of the exciting things about a premiere is you obviously want to get a good rating and there's a thing in television with your lead-in is very important. because if that does a big rating, then hopefully you will do a big rating. >> fingers crossed. our lead-in is "60 minutes." we go on after "60 minutes." >> seth: which is -- a lot of people always watch. >> lots of people watch it. so it's a very good slot. but, this week especially. potentially could be an even bigger "60 minutes" because if -- we're not sure 100%, but it could be the stormy daniels interview with anderson cooper. so i'm just so excited -- the idea. it would be the one good thing that donald trump's ever done in my book would be that he had -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: yeah. >> conjoined with stormy. >> seth: the crazy thing, he loves ratings so much, that he will actually take pride in it. >> the fact that stormy daniels -- >> seth: even if it's a porn daniels talking about his affair. he's like, "big numbers, and it was very good for alan cumming. it was very -- you know, he won't say it, but i did him a huge solid." >> oh i would totally say it. >> seth: hey, thanks so much for being here.
it's always such a pleasure to have you. >> it's always fun. thanks, seth. >> seth: alan cumming, everybody. "instinct" premiers sunday on cbs. we'll be right back with christiane amanpour. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nt to keep your family active? get to kohl's where nike for the entire family is 25% off! and get kohl's cash for you! take 25% off select nike tees, shorts, shoes and more!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our next guest is an award-winning journalist and cnn's chief international correspondent. her new series "sex and love around the world" premieres saturday at 10:00 p.m. on cnn. let's take a look. >> how is sex? [ laughter ] >> do you think men here, the people who you're dating and your husband and your partners, do they care about your happiness, about your emotional and your physical satisfaction? [ laughter ]
>> seth: please welcome to the show christiane amanpour, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. how are you, seth? >> seth: good. before we talk about your show, just because i have you here on the day that rex tillerson was fired -- you obviously are an international reporter, you've been all around the world. how do you think this will play in the rest of the world the fact that someone who is at least to some considered an adult in the room in the trump administration. >> well, you've just hit the nail on the head. that is what most foreign leaders sort of look to rex tillerson, along with general mattis, the secretary of defense, and general mcmaster, at the national security as the sort of gruop that keeps the ship of state from capsizing. so i don't know what the rest of the world's going to think, but, you know, for a long, long time, we've seen rex tillerson and president trump essentially butt heads. >> seth: yeah.
>> right? they are nowhere near close on policy. tillerson has his own, sort of, more diplomatic agenda, you remember, even during the whole sort of tweeting back and forth with kim jong-un, tillerson was talking about let's have diplomacy and trump said, "well, no. what if i don't want to have diplomacy?" >> seth: yeah. it was a strange thing to watch happen on a social media platform. >> it was, and i don't really understand this, because, you know, it was tweeted, the firing, and then, tillerson said he hadn't spoken to the president and the white house said they had told him on friday. i don't know, this thing has been telegraphed for months. >> seth: yes, it did not seem like it would end well. i want to ask you this. so, you've traveled everywhere. you've interviewed world leaders, dictators, you've been in war zones. is it even a little bit more intimidating talking to people about their sex lives, which you do on the show? >> yeah. yes, it is. yes, it is. my comfort zone is much more in the area of snipers and sheller's and dictators and people like that. >> seth: yeah. >> so when i get face to face with just wonderful, ordinary men and women, mostly women
because this is done through the perspective of women and young girls and i'm actually asking them the kind of questions that i don't usually talk about on television. >> seth: sure. >> if at all, by the way. >> seth: yeah. >> in any event, so it was a little scary and i was outside my comfort zone. >> seth: well, it's nice that it was a show because otherwise, you would just be a creepy lady in restaurants. >> well, there you go. [ laughter ] >> seth: you need a camera crew. >> yeah, i need a camera crew. >> seth: you need a camera crew. >> i know, every two seconds. i mean, in germany for instance, in one of the episodes, i'm in berlin which has this edgy reputation of being, you know, on the front line of all sorts of creative buzz, and i went to what they told me was a bdsm event. and, it was in this lovely studio with lights through the windows, a little bit like this actually, and it looked to me like sort of an afternoon yoga session, and all of a sudden, the guy comes up and throws ropes around me and i'm meant to, sort of -- i don't know what i'm meant to do, but i do what i normally do and just pretend
nothing out of the ordinary is happening. >> seth: oh, right. >> yeah, and i continue to interview him, but he says to me because i keep asking these questions, he obviously thought i was creepy -- he said, "you're being obsessed by sex, aren't you?" and i said, "well, you know, that's what this whole program's about." so, yeah. >> seth: yeah. it's weird that no one told him that ahead of time. >> i know. i know. [ laughter ] >> we have to make it ping pong going to -- >> seth: oh, really? >> yeah. >> seth: and did you play? >> i did play, you'll have to wait and see instead of what state of undress i'm in. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> but certainly, my eyes were -- >> seth: yeah, they say that it helps you focus on the game. >> yeah, exactly. i was focused on the game. >> seth: when other stuff is flopping around. [ laughter ] you've had a fascinating conversation in india with women about tinder and how tinder has actually been a game changer in india maybe more than anywhere else. >> well, to be honest with you, it is extraordinary, india and many other places because let's face it, the rest of the world is slightly behind the united states in the west when it comes to sexual expression, women and sexual fulfillment and what they think they can ask for themselves, right? because now that they've got their economic sort of
wherewithal, now they're focusing on personal happiness, and of course, they have tinder. they have all these things and they say it's like a revolution for them. you know, she was showing me, whatever it is -- swipe, swipe, swipe. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and she found her husband and they were so cute. these people, they were so cute. they just like to smile. >> seth: and maybe though not -- they kind of come to the conclusion that it's great for women in india, the guys maybe are not as psyched about it. >> well, not as psyched, but, you know what, the brilliant thing is, and you know, it's just such an amazing thing that this series happens in the midst of the "me too" movement because it's so important to watch these young women, who most people talk to about them as being victims, as being unable to be agents of their own happiness. i found that they were very much agents of their own happiness, their own sense of safety, their own sense of, you know, sexual, you know, fulfillment and what's
really fantastic is the younger girls in all these parts of the world are just doing so much better in that domain than their parents in the previous generation. >> seth: well they certainly are empowered, which is just wonderful to watch and they're fascinating conversations. i am so glad that you get to do a show that's not about the stuff that you always get to -- >> it's a break. >> seth: it's a nice break and you certainly deserve it. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you, seth. >> seth: such a pleasure having you. >> thank you. >> seth: christiane amanpour, everybody. "sex and love around the world" premieres saturday at 10:00 p.m. on cnn. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( ♪ ) man: you can do this! grab those command picture hanging strips and let's make it work. they're tool free and they hold strong. oh, rustic chic! an arrow angled to point at rustic chic. hmm, may i be honest here? let's take that down, damage free, with a stretch, remove... and look: no marks, no mess.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. i am very excited about this. it is time once again for "popsicle schtick." ♪ >> seth: for those of you who don't know, this is a bit where my writers, what they do is they come up with terrible jokes and then they try to save those terrible jokes with what they call kick-ass graphics. let's see if they succeeded. all right. first joke, why did the democrat crack open an ice, cold beer?
it was mueller time. ♪ popsicle schtick >> seth: next up, how does kim jong-un get people to kiss him at christmas? nuclear mistletoe. ♪ kick-ass avalanche popsicle schtick ♪ [ scattered applause ] [ light laughter ] seth: what did the insecure terminator say? hasta la vista, maybe? ♪ hey schticky you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind hey schticky hey schticky ♪ ♪ hey schticky you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind hey schticky hey schticky ♪ ♪ hey schticky you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind
>> seth: i should have mentioned this is the first time i'm seeing any of these. you guys, what's vladimir putin's favorite hair metal band? poison! [ laughter ] >> this is the true story. >> true story. >> of seven popsicles. >> picked to live in a loft. >> and have their lives taped. >> find out what happens when popsicles stop being polite. >> can you get the phone? >> and start getting schtick. >> the schtick world. >> brent, did you take my cereal? >> no. >> the schtick world. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: what's donald trump's oscar-winning movie? the shape of daughter. [ audience groans ]
>> it's kay billy's super sounds of the '70s weekend. just keeps on schticking. ♪ ♪ ♪ lookin' back on the track for a little green back got to find just the kind ♪ ♪ for losing my mind a shot in the night a shot in the day ♪ ♪ lookin' back on the track gonna do it my way ♪ ♪ a shot in the night a shot in the day ♪ >> i'm going to die! i'm going to die! they scared the schtick out of me, larry. i'm going to die! [ applause ] >> seth: genuinely makes me want to watch "reservoir dogs." and finally --
with a sweet graphic ♪ ♪ what's that schtick tell me what's a popsicle what's that schtick, tell me what's a popsicle ♪ ♪ what's that schtick tell me what's a popsicle what's that schtick, tell me what's a popsicle ♪ ♪ why should you want a schtick don't you mind about the popsicle ♪ ♪ don't you try to schtick her hand save tomorrow for tomorrow ♪ ♪ think about their schticking schtick what's that schtick, tell me what's a popsicle ♪ ♪ what's that schtick tell me what's a popsicle what's that schtick, tell me what's a popsicle ♪ ♪ what's that schtick tell me what's a popsicle ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ schtick in they shall soothe you then you'll feel every schtick's ♪ ♪ all right, yes every stick's fine
and it's cool and the popsicle's sweet ♪ ♪ for the fire in your head and feet ♪ ♪ close your eyes close your eyes every schtick's all right yes ♪ ♪ every schtick's all right yes every schtick's all right yes ♪ ♪ every schtick's all right yes every schtick's all right tonight ♪ ♪ so you are the schtick ♪ so you are the schtick you're the popsicle schtick prove to me that you are nice change my fruit juice ♪ ♪ into ice if you do that trick then i'll give you a lick ♪ ♪ come on king of the stick ♪
[ laughter ] ♪ ♪ >> whoo-hoo hello. ♪ ♪ come on king of the ♪ >> go on! get out of here! ♪ ♪ ♪ jesus christ jesus super schtick what kind of pun are we dealing with ♪ ♪ jesus christ super schtick can you tell me jesus can you say jokes with a sweet graphic ♪ ♪ jesus christ super schtick another schtick now another schtick now another popsicle schtick ♪ ♪ jesus christ super schtick can you say jokes with a sweet graphic ♪ ♪ jesus christ super schtick what kind of pun are we dealing with ♪ ♪ jesus christ super schtick
can you say jokes with a sweet graphic ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what a huge waste of money! that was popsicle schtick. we'll be right back with musical guest beth ditto, everyone! ♪ liberty mutual stood with me when this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. hold on dad... liberty did what? yeah, liberty mutual 24-hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. my dad says our insurance doesn't have that. don't worry - i know what a lug wrench is, dad. is this a lug wrench? maybe? you can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™.
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i saw you across a crowded room ♪ ♪ you couldn't take your eyes off me i couldn't take my eyes off you ♪ ♪ i didn't catch your name oh the first time that i saw your face ♪ ♪ i knew i didn't stand a chance i was all over the place ♪ ♪ you got me thinking oh my god oh can't break loose ♪ ♪ can't get free you really got a hold on me ♪ ♪ oh my god oh i can't control myself ♪
♪ i can't break free you really got a hold on me ♪ ♪ i'm not superstitious but i had a vision of us it's in my nature to press my luck ♪ ♪ some would call it an obsession i put your picture up ♪ ♪ oh and i don't care what anybody thinks of me 'cause if i can't have you i'd go crazy ♪ ♪ oh my god oh can't break loose ♪ ♪ can't get free
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