Skip to main content

tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  May 5, 2018 12:37am-1:38am PDT

12:37 am
♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- chris evans, comedy duo, desus & mero, music from lily allen, featuring the 8g band with sarah tomek. ♪ ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how are we all doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. french president emanuel macron traveled to the white house today for president trump's first ever state visit. unfortunately, trump thinks a state visit is when someone
12:38 am
visits you and you show them all the states you won. [ laughter ] ohio, no one expected ohio. president trump welcomed french president emanuel macron to the white house at 5:15 this evening. and they are still shaking hands. [ laughter ] that's not a gif. that's how long that took. according to cnn, president trump and first lady melania will gift french president macron and his wife a photo album upon their departure. said melania, hey, i'm just happy to get rid of it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] do whatever you want with it. sources recently told axios that during a phone call last year president trump asked israeli prime minister benjamin netanyahu if he actually cares about peace, followed by, yeah, totally, me
12:39 am
too, i was just checking. [ laughter ] duchess of cambridge kate middleton gave birth to a baby boy today. he was -- yeah, give it up. [ cheers and applause ] he was born eight pounds, which works out to $11.15. [ laughter ] that's a dumb -- that's a dumb joke about the miracle of life. [ light laughter ] white house press secretary sarah huckabee sanders said today that president trump has no intention of firing special counsel robert mueller. instead, trump's plan is to be so guilty of so many things that mueller just works himself to death. [ laughter ] two republican colorado lawmakers have introduced a bill that would punish teachers with jail time if they go on strike. hey, these are public schoolteachers. you can't scare them with jail. [ laughter ] so wait, no kids and there's a place to lie down?
12:40 am
sign me up. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's a deal. compared to what they're usually doing, it's a deal. after being bitten by a shark last week, a colorado man achieved a rare distinction of being attacked by a shark, bear, and rattlesnake all within the last four years. or as it was reported to the man, you're not allowed back at the zoo. [ laughter ] and finally, thanks to newly developed technology, we here at "late night" now have -- this is very exciting. we now have the ability to record the tiny voice that is inside donald trump's head. and you might be surprised to know that like everyone's inner voice, donald trump's is filled with paralyzing fear and self-doubt. so here it is, the tiny voice in the back of donald trump's head. ♪ >> thank you. >> hey, donald, it's the tiny voice in your head again.
12:41 am
and, are you thinking what i'm thinking? because it really seems like your wife doesn't love you. you know why i think that? because people who are in love do not scowl for all 24 hours of the day. these people taking pictures are going to crack their iphone screens with how angry she looks all the time. hey, what was the last real conversation you two had anyway? because the last thing i remember is election night when she turned to you and said, are you happy now? >> and that's why i'm here today. >> hey, by the way, who is this guy talking right now? >> testament -- >> and who is this woman who is standing next to your wife? what is going on? >> presidency -- >> you have no idea where you are right now, do you? no idea at all. oh boy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we have a fantastic show for you tonight. he's the star of the upcoming "avengers: infinity war" as well as "lobby hero" on broadway. chris evans is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] they are the hosts of their very
12:42 am
funny self-titled show on viceland, "desus and mero" are back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and we're going to have music from the fantastic lily allen. so you're here on a great night. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to all that, president trump has once again been freaking out on twitter as the scandals around him pile up from his personal attorney michael cohen to his epa administrator scott pruitt. for more on this it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: as trump's white house contends with mounting criminal and ethics investigations, it's worth asking who is actually benefitting from this presidency? and so far there's at least one very clear winner, wall street. now if you remember, during the campaign trump cast himself as a populist who would stand up to the big banks in contrast to hillary clinton. >> hillary clinton represents insiders. she represents the donors, the politicians, the big banks. when you're like the clintons getting 60 -- think of this one.
12:43 am
getting $69 million in political contributions from wall street and big banks. politicians meet in secret with the big banks, collect massive sums of money, then betray the american worker, which is you and me and sort of all of us. we're all workers. >> seth: no, no. [ laughter ] you are -- you're many things. you are not a worker. [ laughter ] no one would call you a worker. taking three strokes to get out of a sand trap doesn't count as work. the closest you ever come to work is asking how do you work this when your iphone auto locks. [ laughter ] "where is it?" that was obviously absurd at the time that trump claimed he wouldn't be a friend to big banks. but on friday we got a clearer picture of just how much of a gift his presidency has been to wall street when it was reported for the first time how much money the nation's largest banks have made from trump's corporate tax cuts. >> it was a good first quarter for the six biggest wall street
12:44 am
banks. they posted record profits, thanks to president trump's tax overhaul. all told, they saved an estimated $3.5 billion in taxes the first three months of this year. >> seth: 3.5 billion in three months. trump made the banks so much money, they let him ride the bull. [ laughter ] "i stayed on for the whole eight seconds, which they say has never happened before. so that's really -- [ cheers and applause ] that's really something, because he was bucking and bronking." and wall street isn't the only beneficiary of trump's presidency. there's also the fossil fuel industry which is getting everything it wants out of trump's head of the environmental protection agency, scott pruitt. pruitt has been plagued by a series of scandals involving the abuse of taxpayer funds. the "new york times" reported that on top of everything else, pruitt is now under investigation for using an epa security detail for personal trips to the rose bowl, disneyland, and basketball games, bringing the number of investigations into pruitt's use of taxpayer money and possible ethics violations to ten.
12:45 am
he's under ten different investigations. pruitt's under so many investigations, he gets a six-inch sub free of charge. [ laughter ] and over the weekend, the "new york times" uncovered even more potential corruption. 2003, pruitt bought a house near the oklahoma state capital from a lobbyist using a shell company. the shell company was registered to a business partner and law school friend who now holds a top political job at the epa. and the mortgage was issued by a local bank that was led by another business associate of pruitt's, who is now one of pruitt's top aids at the epa. the only funny thing is if pruitt wanted to work at the epa, and he rewarded others with jobs at the epa, he must have thought the epa was a different thing. was he like, "gentlemen, welcome to the epa. we fly first class, pay no rent, and no one pays any attention." and then like a day later the government says, you're under ten investigations, ass[ bleep ]. now all of trump's various scandals are obviously weighing on a republican party that is
12:46 am
now facing a potential wave election in november. and they're causing tensions within the party too. take outgoing tennessee senator bob corker, a frequent trump critic who has praised the democratic candidate to replace him in the senate, governor phil bredesen. last week trump tweeted in support of the republican candidate in the race, marsha blackburn. but on sunday, when corker was asked about that race, he could barely muster a kind word about blackburn. his own party's nominee in a very awkward interview. >> they were asking me about governor bredesen. he is my friend. i'm not going to campaign against him, but i am supporting our nominee. >> can you tell me why republican marsha blackburn is better to represent your state in tennessee and take your seat than phil bredesen? >> well i think most people in our state -- it is a red state -- will focus on the first vote she makes. and that's the vote to elect the majority leader. >> senator, that's not a ringing endorsement of marsha blackburn to say that she should be elected just because she's going
12:47 am
to vote for mitch mcconnell. >> well, um -- you know, i'm supporting the nominee. >> seth: wow. i -- [ light laughter ] i would not want bob corker to write my letter of recommendation. "if you hire seth meyers, i can promise that he will be one of your employees." [ laughter and applause ] and corker -- corker isn't the only republican who seems to be distancing himself from trump. this weekend cnn asked white house councilor kellyanne conway about her husband, george conway, a respected lawyer who's been tweeting critical things about trump for months. and the interview quickly went off the rails. >> what is up with your husband's tweets? your husband is a very well respected lawyer and he has been sending some tweets that have been critical of the administration. >> it's fascinating to me that cnn would go there, but it's very good for the whole world to have just witnessed that it's now -- >> i would -- >> excuse me -- that it's now
12:48 am
fair game what people's -- how people's spouses and significant others may differ. >> my point is that we don't often see -- in fact, i don't remember the last time we saw somebody working for the president in a high profile position when their spouse is saying critical things about them. that is all. that is all. >> that, a, is not true. there are other family members of people who work at the white house who certainly don't support the president privately and publicly. [ laughter ] >> seth: first of all, we know. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] second of all, think about how dumb that argument is. so what if my husband hates trump? lots of people do! [ laughter ] it's no wonder some republicans are running for the exits and distancing themselves from the president as trump threatens to drag them down in november. statistically speaking, anyone who gets too close to trump, has a good chance of being raided by the fbi. first the fbi raided trump's former campaign chairman,
12:49 am
paul manafort. then the fbi raided his personal attorney michael cohen. at this point, even the kid who mowed the white house lawn is worried the fbi is going to kick his door in. "don't worry, i'll pardon you." [ laughter ] of course cohen is the one who orchestrated trump's hush payment to stormy daniels through a shell company and is now being investigated for bank fraud, wire fraud, and federal campaign finance violations. now, with the cohen investigation intensifying, trump and his allies are out in public doing what any innocent person would do, freaking out about whether cohen is going to flip. >> will the fixer flip? >> president getting a blunt warning from one of his long time lawyers who says michael cohen might flip on him. >> president trump's lawyers -- his former lawyers are concerned that michael cohen could flip, even though this is a guy who said he would take a bullet for president trump. >> cohen has said he'd take a bullet for trump, well but would he do 15 years for him. >> i spent some time with michael today. michael's words to me, he's loyal. he says i'd rather jump out of a building than turn on donald trump.
12:50 am
>> seth: think about how crazy this is. michael cohen isn't saying trump is innocent. he's saying, i would never rat him out. [ light laughter ] it's just taken for granted that trump did something illegal. like if your wife asked your best friend about your guys weekend at vegas and he said, hey. bros before hoes. [ laughter ] but trump's closest allies apparently aren't so sure cohen will stand by trump. trump's longtime attorney and personal friend jay goldberg publicly warned last week that cohen would turn on trump. goldberg to the "wall street journal" that he spoke to trump by phone and told him, mike will never stand up for you. goldberg added that even hardened organized crime figures flip under pressure from the government. quote, "the mob was broken by sammy the bull gravano caving in out of the prospect of a jail sentence. and if sammy the bull flipped, you know michael the bull [ bleep ] definitely will. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] after -- after the "new york times" published an article this weekend filled with former trump associates similarly expressing concern that cohen would turn on
12:51 am
the president because of how badly trump has treated him, trump himself jumped into the fray. and again rather than proclaim his own innocence, he insisted that cohen would never betray him. >> the president writes this. the "new york times" and a third rate reporter named maggie haberman, known as a crooked h flunky, who i don't speak to and have nothing to do with are going out of their way to destroy michael cohen and his relationship with me in the hope that he will flip. they use nonexistent sources and a drunk drugged up loser who hates michael, a fine person with a wonderful family. michael is a businessman for his own account/lawyer who i've always liked and respected. most people will flip if the government lets them out of trouble, even if it means lying or making up stories. >> seth: of course, trump assumes most people would lie to get out of trouble because he's always lying to get out of trouble. [ light laughter ] if the feds put pressure on him, there's a good chance he'll flip on himself. [ laughter ] "i'm not the real donald trump, but i'll tell you where you can find him. he's on the lawn pushing a mower.
12:52 am
he's about yay high. oh, he'll say he's a kid, but he's a liar." [ applause ] this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with chris evans, everybody! ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks" be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. don't juggle your home life and work life without it. ♪ ♪ don't skip that office meeting for a board meeting without it. don't keep it real... keep it going... or simply keep it in the family without it. and don't turn that business trip, into an overdue family trip without it. ♪ ♪ the more you live between life and business, the more you need someone at your back. the powerful backing of american express. don't live life without it. it's ssave on the perfecthl's! gift for mom!
12:53 am
and take an extra 20% off! save on mommy and me pjs and kitchen electrics! plus stack your savings and give her diamond earrings for just $27.51! plus get kohl's cash! gifts for mom - kohl's cash for you! kohl's. and we're gonna get the phone- his phone,ry sorry. uh out of you... the important thing is that we're going to make you better. (voice-activated double-tone) okay. here's how to make butter. pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning... snickers® satisifes. with roomba from irobot, your family can expect clean floors everyday. two unique multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction pick up dirt, large debris and even pet hair. so your floors are always clean. you and roomba from irobot. better together.
12:54 am
♪ when steeeeak ♪ is really this good ♪ you show it in slow-mo slow-motion steak. (avo) get an entrée like this, plus starter and coca-cola, for just 10 bucks. steak included. ♪ chili's is back, baby, back, baby, back ♪ how does new go beyond sweat protection?e um... clean doesn't stain my clothes i don't get the underarm pit stains well, we couldn't have said it better ourselves. try new dove men+ care stain defense for anti stain and anti mark protection ♪ ♪ presents should have bows and stickers! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the powerful backing of american express. don't live life without it.
12:55 am
12:56 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] this week, drummer who plays with nashville soul country singer maggie rose, whose latest digital 45 features the songs "it's you" and "smooth." you can see sarah this summer on tour with steven tyler and the loving mary band. for tour dates go to sarah tomek, everybody. thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, seth. >> seth: our first guest tonight recently made his broadway debut in the kenneth lonergan play "lobby hero." he's also returning as captain america in marvel's "avengers: infinity war," in theaters everywhere this friday. please welcome back to the show chris evans, everybody. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:57 am
>> seth: welcome back. >> thanks, man. >> seth: congratulations on your broadway debut. >> thanks, man. >> seth: this is -- this would not be that surprising for people you've known your whole life. you were -- you did a lot of theater growing up. >> yeah, yeah, big, big theater kid. >> seth: did you do any of the big plays? >> name one. i probably did it, yeah. >> seth: "west side story?" >> i was action. >> seth: wow. so this is not -- and how do you feel? how's the work of doing a play compared to doing a movie? >> compared to doing a movie, i mean, well -- you know, a lot of movies, you don't always get rehearsal time. sometimes you -- you, you know, shake an actor's hand and you're doing a scene with him. so with a play there's a lot more rehearsal time, a lot more prep. it's -- i don't know. it's a lot nicer. that's why i wanted to do it. just to kind of feel a different way in to what i do. >> seth: is it exhausting? >> it is. i mean, everyone that i talked to, a lot of my actor buddies were like, "ah you got your whole days free, it's only two hours at the theater." but it's two hours. it's such a focused two hours. you leave the theater and you're spent. you just want to go back to bed. >> seth: i want to ask about
12:58 am
your mustache. [ laughter ] >> i'm surprised you got a couple of questions. >> seth: i know. why do i make you think it's the only reason i wanted you here? >> i have a mustache. let's just get it out there. >> seth: we wanted -- we tried to book your mustache. [ light laughter ] they said the only way it could come was with you. >> very choosey, yeah. >> seth: but i noticed as i was home with the playbook, you didn't have it here. was this a late decision? >> no. maybe i shouldn't be saying this. so when i was filming, we were filming "avengers" in atlanta last year. and they said, "well, they want to come and do a photo shoot for the play." and i said, "well, i'm not going to look the way i want to look." and they said, "ah, it doesn't matter." it's not like -- i don't know. i guess that's the way it is. it's okay if the photos look different from how you look. and i said, i'm going to look very different. i know it's just a mustache but it changes my whole face. [ light laughter ] >> seth: we were talking backstage. it does change your whole face, which might be helpful for being recognized. has it been easier to walk around with it? >> oh yeah. i can look people dead in their eyes. [ laughter ] not only do they not recognize me, you get some strange -- you get a little like, you got like mustache profile.
12:59 am
>> seth: this mustache and this haircut, i feel like, gives us a lot of back story about who you are. [ light laughter ] >> now what would i be? it's either a cop or? what else would i be? >> seth: a guy who tried to be a cop and failed the test and is super mad about it. [ laughter ] like, you're hoping for cop. >> see, i was going to say something along the lines of porn. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: yeah. >> and i always thinks so -- but it's so strange. that's the typical response. >> seth: the funny thing -- and it's strange those two things live on the same street. [ light laughter ] how is it, like cop, porn actor? >> seth: yeah. >> like those are -- >> seth: and then, and when a cop shows up in a porno it's like a perfect -- that's when it's like, yeah. >> nailed it. [ light laughter ] >> seth: the weird thing is steve rogers, captain america, of course, like this looks way more like most steve rogers, i think. [ laughter ] like most guys named steve rogers look like this. >> look like this guy. [ laughter ] >> seth: i want to show -- i know it's hard for all of you guys who are in these big movies. you can't tell me anything about it. this is spoiler city. >> oh yeah. i got nothing. >> seth: 64 characters in this film. >> yeah. >> seth: let's show a clip and see if i can get any
1:00 am
information. >> give it a shot. >> when you said we were going to open wakanda to the rest of the world, this is not what i imagined. >> and what did you imagine? >> the olympics. even a starbucks. ♪ [ jet engine ] >> should we bow? >> yeah. he's a king. >> seems like i'm always thanking you for something. >> what are you doing? >> we don't do that here. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. i don't know much about it. [ cheers and applause ] >> i have one line in the clip. [ laughter ] like this is me when you come to a thing like this, you bring something to showcase, whatever. >> seth: yeah. >> but they sent me the clip. and i was like, "is this what i'm bringing to seth meyers?" 'cause everything i'm in -- >> seth: yeah. >> you know, it's some form of a
1:01 am
spoiler. >> seth: it gives something away. so you have one. and every talk show you're like, "keep an eye on the way i walk off the plane. [ light laughter ] i made a very interesting choice in my de-planeing. >> a lot of preparation. >> seth: you -- obviously, you play captain america. you get a lot of action figures. this one -- they sent us a bunch. this one's my favorite. [ laughter and applause ] >> god. >> seth: because of this. ready? have you seen this yet? >> no. >> seth: sorry. hold on. [ light laughter ] wait. it changed expressions. [ laughter ] oh, it's like the -- >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: happy. >> yeah. >> seth: medium. >> wait. what was the middle expression? >> seth: wait, i want to -- i've got a plan here. [ light laughter ] >> okay. he's defacing my character. >> seth: well, let's see you feel -- all right, there we go. how would you describe it? this is angry. right? >> yeah, angry. >> seth: okay, there we go. that's happy. >> right. >> seth: that's mustache. [ laughter ] that's porn star guy. [ light laughter ] >> oh, he looks -- >> seth: this guy, he's very ready to go.
1:02 am
and how did it go afterwards? he's always angry. [ light laughter ] it didn't go well. oh, now he's better. >> right. >> seth: hey, your brother is here. >> yeah, he is. >> seth: when we come back, he's going to join us. and i'm very excited to talk to the evans brothers at the same time. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
1:03 am
plaque psoriasis can be relentless. your plaques are always there at the worst times. constantly interrupting you with itching, burning and stinging. being this uncomfortable is unacceptable. i'm ready. tremfya® works differently for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. with tremfya®, you can get clearer and stay clearer. in fact, most patients who saw 90% clearer skin
1:04 am
at 28 weeks... stayed clearer through 48 weeks. tremfya® works better than humira® at providing clearer skin and more patients were symptom free with tremfya®. tremfya® may lower your ability to fight infections, and may increase your risk of infections. before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. tell your doctor if you have an infection or have symptoms such as fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough. before starting tremfya®, tell your doctor if you plan to or have recently received a vaccine. ask your doctor about tremfya®. tremfya®, because you deserve to stay clearer. janssen wants to help you explore cost support options for tremfya®.
1:05 am
1:06 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! we're here with chris evans and his brother actor scott evans. give it up for the evans brothers, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] so last time you were on the show, chris, we had planned on scott was going to be here, my brother josh was going to be here. then you had to cancel. >> yes. >> seth: my brother called you out on the show on social media. >> right, and where is he now? >> seth: yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] >> he's not here. >> seth: but next time we'll try to do both sets of brothers but we are going to play the game we were going to play last time, which is how well do you know your brother. all right, so we reached out to you guys and we got answers to trivia questions that you don't know if the other brother will know or not, but we're going to find out if you guys are as close as you claim to be. >> we'll see. >> i have confidence. [ laughter ] >> seth: two years age difference? >> two. >> yeah. >> seth: gotcha. >> two and some change.
1:07 am
>> seth: with the mustache, it looks like 50. [ laughter ] >> honestly, it's like my father. >> seth: all right. all right, first question is for you, chris. my question for you, chris, what is scott's favorite book? >> uh, "where the red fern grows." it has to be. >> seth: show me the answer. >> oh, is it on here? >> seth: "where the red fern grows." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> it's the best. >> i knew that. >> i did book reports on "where the red fern grows" -- >> so did i. >> in fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. >> seth: oh, you kept writing book reports about it. >> fourth grade reading level, eighth grade i was like, "but have you heard of old dan and little ann? [ laughter ] >> seth: and you haven't out grown it as a favorite book? >> still good. haven't read it in a while. >> seth: okay, gotcha. well, we should all go back to it. all right, for scott now, it's one for you. what is chris' favorite disney movie? >> now this could be any number of -- it was a tough it was a tough call. >> well, his favorite disney movie, i mean, old school disney movie has to be "robin hood." >> seth: show it to us. we don't have to go on. it's amazing. [ cheers and applause ] >> there's a lot. there's a lot. >> there's a lot and he hasn't seen some of the recent ones.
1:08 am
>> seth: "robin hood" would stand up. i think it's a great action movie. >> "robin hood" is incredible. >> yeah. >> it's not a musical which is a strange -- >> seth: there's a song. >> there's a bunch of songs. >> yeah, there is a couple. [ laughter ] ♪ not in nottingham >> yeah! >> yeah, there you go. [ laughter ] >> robin hood and little john. [ talking over each other ] >> seth: for chris, who was scott's first kiss and where was it? [ laughter ] >> made fun of me. >> yeah, it's emily beeten, right? >> seth: emily beeten. >> emily beeten. >> seth: and where? >> and where? is it at papa ginos? >> yes! >> it has to be. and he like -- [ talking over each other ] oh yeah. >> at papa ginos! [ laughter and applause ] >> wow, i really gave the details. >> seth: you gave the details. >> it was like our -- the children's theater that we did shows at, we would go to, like, papa gino's or friendly's when it was open back in concord after the shows. and it was my first. and i'm pretty sure he and his current girlfriend, like, made fun of me. it tried to talk to chris, i was
1:09 am
like, "i think i -- i think i french kissed." >> seth: wow. >> i don't know. >> "i think i put a tongue in a --" >> seth: i -- papa gino's, a new england staple. >> the best. >> seth: it must've been a fancy one of you had bushes outside your papa gino's. [ laughter ] >> it was right near a train station in concord. it was like suburban massachusetts. >> seth: all right, for scott, here's your question. who was chris' first kiss? >> this i actually know for sure because i remember he was like my hero. he told me about it. >> seth: oh. >> i even know where it was. i don't know if that's the question. >> seth: it's not in there but we'll take it as bonus points. >> it was maggie sullivan and it was -- [ laughter ] >> poor maggie sullivan. >> they're watching, they're like -- >> seth: yeah. >> emily's like, "i turned him gay." >> seth: i feel like emily's the one who's like, "if it wasn't in the bushes, maggie wins." >> well, and now i'm gay so emily's like, "oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, question for chris. question for chris. when you guys played monopoly, where would scott hide his money to make you think he had less? >> wait, say that again. >> seth: when you guys played monopoly, where would scott hide his money to make you think he had less?
1:10 am
>> down his pants. [ laughter and applause ] down his pants. turn around. pick it up. [ laughter and applause ] >> our sister's gonna love this one. >> there is nothing more satisfying, truly nothing more satisfying than playing monopoly at our house than playing possum and hiding money to act like you're more -- >> being the younger brother they'd take advantage of everything. so i'd be like, "oh, i'm almost broke." and they're like, "but what about this $500 bill?" [ laughter ] >> just pullin' out a five hundo. >> free parking. yeah. >> seth: if i ever play, remind me to wear gloves. [ laughter ] >> i got new spots now. >> seth: for scott, what did chris tell his first grade class that your dad did for a living? >> oh, this is -- oh, yeah. this is like an old story that, like, i heard. >> you know this. >> he told them that my dad was an astronaut. [ laughter ] >> seth: flip it. >> wait, wait, wait. the best part is i think you got in trouble.
1:11 am
you got in, like, a lot of trouble because he charged money. he made people buy tickets and said my dad can take you to the moon. [ laughter ] and kids were like, "do i buy milk or do i go to the moon?" it's like, "chris, tell your dad i'm on the next rocket." >> i told kids if they gave me, like, a buck, my dad would put them on a list to go to the moon. [ laughter ] >> and you sold it. chris came home and got a call -- >> i, like, told my mom. i was like, "look what i did." [ laughter ] and she was like, "no." now i was like, "dad, why aren't you an astronaut?" >> yeah. that's disappointing. >> seth: all right, for chris, what was the title of the book you used to hit scott with that split open the stitches on his forehead? >> i have a scar. >> exactly what -- >> i have the scar to prove it. >> "peter pan." [ laughter ] and it was the thick, like, paper back version. scott had stitches and he had -- >> i had cracked my head open because of him and my sister, ran into a wall. >> you know. that's -- >> seth: and then -- so he already had stitches and you decide, why wail on him with "peter pan?" >> i couldn't even tell you what caused it. we were in the car. >> what caused it -- >> back of the minivan.
1:12 am
he did something and i just had the book and just, "whack." and i hit him and as soon as i hit him -- >> and it was like a murder scene. blood spurting. >> you just -- >> my mother screaming. no! [ laughter ] >> you just know right away you're -- >> seth: i just love thinking of like a "peter pan" book that has like a blood splatter on it. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> it was paper back. >> wow. >> i got solid contact. >> seth: for scott, where did chris wake up the morning after being dumped at his senior prom? [ audience ohs ] >> see, this is another one that, like, i've heard this story and it's hysterical. [ laughter ] i don't believe you got dumped at your senior prom. where is she now? >> i won't talk about it. >> but on the front lawn across the street neighbor's house. [ laughter ] >> it says the front lawn! >> seth: across the front lawn. >> the front lawn. across the street, our across the street neighbors. >> yeah. >> seth: so you made it -- you made it to your house and then thought -- >> no, no, no. the girl across the street had an after -- >> seth: okay, got you. >> luckily it was very close but i, you know, she dumped me at the prom.
1:13 am
>> and no one cared that chris got dumped. [ laughter ] >> i took it real hard. and you know, i remember waking up in my tuxedo just -- it was like one the first mornings where you wake up and you're like, "where am i?" [ laughter ] >> "did i get dumped at prom and am i sleeping on grass?" >> seth: all right, last one for chris. what was the name of the song you used to sing to help scott go to sleep? this is a -- first of all, even asking this is the most heartbreakingly cute question. [ laughter ] >> it's -- honestly it's like it's serious, too. it's legit. >> we're on tv, dude. >> he's actually -- this has like come up before. >> oh. >> he's like, "we're not bringing that up." i couldn't not bring it up. >> seth: so what song? what was it? this is to win the game. >> and you have to sing it. >> i got it. [ laughter ] that's not happening. >> it's called "heart light" by neil diamond. >> seth: flip it. [ laughter ] ♪ turn on your heart light let it shine -- ♪ >> seth: give us a little -- [ talking over each other ] give us a little. come on, evans brothers. >> how dare you?
1:14 am
[ laughter ] ♪ turn on -- >> i'll put you right to sleep. i'm good at it. >> seth: please, it's 1:00 in the morning. people at home are dying for this. [ laughter ] >> it's never going to happen. >> he starts singing everyone just goes to sleep. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up for the evans brothers, chris, scott. [ applause ] "lobby hero" is currently playing at the helen hayes theater and "avengers: infinity war" will be in theaters and imax this friday. we'll be right back with desus and kid mero. ♪ how do you become america's best-selling brand? you introduce the all-new ford ecosport and surprise people with how much they can get in a small suv. that means more standard features and more upgrades for a lot less than expected. the all-new ecosport.
1:15 am
it's the big upgrade in a small package. from ford, america's best-selling brand. see what you can get for under 20 grand with the all-new ecosport. good thing too - 'cause you dids for under 20 unconditional. some messed up stuff as a kid. so, this mother's day... ...go to kay. where everything is 30% off may 3rd through the 13th. because unconditional love... ...deserves an unforgettable gift. ♪ " when better chickens are hatched, we will hatch them." it's why all of the tyson chicken that bears his name is raised with no antibiotics ever. every nugget, strip and drumstick. keep it real. keep it tyson. 60% of women wear the wrong size pad and can experience leaks. you don't have to with always my fit try the next size up and get up to 20% better coverage day or night. because better coverage means better protection always rewards me basicallyaptain everywhere.obvious and so why am i stomping grapes with
1:16 am
aerobics enthusiasts near this b&b? because lets me do me. mmm. foot juice. you do you and get rewarded. i can't believe it comes in... how great this tastes! vegaaaan. and organiiiic. enjoy i can't believe it's not butter! in it's vegan! and it's organic! now comes in a pocket pack. i can take it anywhere. to the shoe store! ♪break through. ♪break through. ♪ ♪ oh yeah, she loves chocolate. she loves it.
1:17 am
it's one of her favorite foods. ♪ ♪ ♪ finally got me ben. what's that rick? the clarke st street crater, the mother of all potholes, for decades its tormented the people of this town, they've tried to fill it but it always returns, got me good. but you know state farms got you too. yeah. you hear that, you ain't nothing! are you trash talking a pothole? yup. yeah i am. go with the one that's here to help life go right.
1:18 am
we can now simulate the exact anatomyh care,
1:19 am
of a patient's brain before surgery. if we can do that, imagine what we can do for seizures. and if we can fix damaged heart valves without open heart surgery, imagine what we can do for an irregular heartbeat, even high blood pressure. if we can use analyze each patient's breast cancer to personalize their treatment, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. imagine what we can do for you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: our next guests host the very funny late night show "desus & mero" weeknights on viceland. they're also touring the country with their show "bodega boys live." please welcome back to the show our friends desus nice and the kid mero. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
1:20 am
>> seth: welcome back, gentlemen. >> thanks for having us back. >> seth: i wanna start -- you guys are doing this live show. and this is a photo you posted. this was you guys doing your show at the apollo. >> yeah. >> the apollo. >> seth: that is really something else. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's a sold out show right there. our credit went up ten points after that show. >> like 110. >> seth: well, you guys, you usually do a podcast. you do a tv show. i've been to your studio. it's wonderful. but you don't have a live audience. how is it different doing the same thing that you guys are used to doing in front of a live audience? >> well, when you're doing a live audience at the apollo, you can see if people don't like the jokes and they're right there. so they'll let you know right away. [ laughter ] >> they'll look you in the eye like -- they're like, "boo!" [ laughter ] >> no, no. >> seth: yeah, they're very well lit. >> oh, yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: there's no guessing what they're thinking. >> last thing you want is to be booed off the apollo. >> yeah. >> oh, man. sandman comes out, hooks you off. >> no. [ laughter ] >> luckily that hasn't happened to us yet. but the good thing about it is you get immediate response to your jokes like here. like you say something funny, they laugh. >> seth: yeah. >> you know what i mean? we don't have a studio audience so we don't get that. but when you do the live show it's like energy tennis. bro, it's like, "yo, i give you energy, you give it back to me and i'm excited!
1:21 am
i might take my shirt off." [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? [ cheers and applause ] >> no. >> seth: you did the show, you were telling me in all five boroughs. you've done it in boston. and when you do it places you have a lot of, obviously, friends come and support you, family come and support you. >> yeah. >> seth: how has that been? >> my sister came to the show, she was like, "yeah, you had a nice little show." [ laughter ] i would find it funny. >> all right. >> his sister comes to the show, i'm like, "can't you just see him every other night?" [ laughter ] she's like, "no, i want to come to apollo and sit in the front." >> yes. [ laughter ] my thing is every time we do a show, i find new cousins afterwards. [ laughter ] like, they're just hitting me up. they're like, "yeah, i'm your sister's third cousin once removed." i'm like, "no, no." >> "i live in connecticut but, you know, you haven't seen me since, you know, 1997." [ laughter ] >> seth: i want to get your take on this. what do you guys think was going down -- >> whoa, whoa. >> ho, hey. he's like -- >> he's like, "yeah." >> he's like, "i know donald's not bringing the heat." >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> holla at your boy. [ cheers and applause ] holla at your boy. >> oh, man. >> melania, you brought an
1:22 am
umbrella? outside is looking a little stormy. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> uh-huh. >> mm-hm. >> uh-huh. >> who knows? they could be talking about the nba playoffs. >> seth: yeah, that's true. >> my man's like, "stephenson's gonna go off." >> "he's gonna go off." >> "how do you feel, melania?" >> "did you see that dunk on al horford yesterday? it was incredible." [ laughter ] >> "for three." >> "oh, al horford, he got bobbied, oh, my god. [ laughter ] what a poster." >> seth: you guys don't -- you talk about a lot of stuff on your show, not just politics. but i do want to ask about this because right now donald trump obviously has this fear that michael cohen might flip on him. >> woo. >> seth: do you guys -- do you have a take on whether or not michael cohen will flip? >> he's going to flip so fast. [ laughter and applause ] >> yo, yo, yo. he going to flip before they even put the cuffs on him. [ laughter ] >> yo. he's young ihop. that's what i'm going to call him because he's just going to flip immediately, like -- >> could you imagine michael cohen, like, in the prison yard with the jump suit halfway down? >> see what i'm saying, like, yo. >> pumpin' iron." >> he's not built for that at all. >> no he's not. he doesn't have a tattoo that says "loyalty!" [ laughter ] "brotherhood!" >> not happening for him. >> "america!" >> seth: so it's a fast flip?
1:23 am
>> it's a fast flip. >> very fast flip. >> seth: i want to talk to you about something else that happened in washington. chuck schumer came out, said he wants to pass some legislation legalizing marijuana on the federal level. >> woo! >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: do you think that would be good, in general, for the country and also congress? do you think congress could use a little weed? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> i mean, could you imagine if congress smoked more weed, how great the names would be on the bills? instead of being like the farm -- like, farm funding act, it would be like, "yo, let's get cows lit. ooh." [ laughter ] >> yo. >> yo, free cheese for pigs. like, yeah. >> i'm like, all right. >> yo, medicare is super popping bro. [ laughter ] >> instead of obamacare they call it like, "don't die." >> yo, don't die, fam. [ laughter ] we'll miss you. [ laughter ] >> seth: i want to ask, we talked about trump before on the show. but trump is -- you guys are now, too, you're a new york city institution. trump was a new york institution for a very long time. >> yeah. >> seth: what are your -- growing up here, what were you memories of what was donald trump? >> growing up, donald trump was always how new york -- he was, like, the idea of new york. >> yeah. >> but if you remember, new york used to be really nasty. >> yes.
1:24 am
[ laughter ] so -- >> a lot of cocaine, a lot of bums in times square and stuff. that was donald trump's new york. >> yeah, donald trump is new york in the '70s personified. >> yeah. >> times square in the '70s personified. being like straight. >> actually, if you remember the early episodes of "law and order." >> yeah. >> like, that's donald trump. [ laughter ] when new york was scary. >> seth: yeah. >> you wouldn't take your family there on vacation. >> seth: yeah. you couldn't go jogging without seeing a body. >> no, no. >> seth: take out the trash without seeing a body. >> you just run pass by like, "oh, wow, another one. okay. he just started decomposing." [ laughter ] >> seth: james comey was on. did a lot of press last week to promote his book. were you guys upset that you didn't get a shot to interview james comey? >> a little bit. >> he's busier than cardi b right now, man. [ laughter ] we think he might have a rap album coming out. [ laughter ] low key, if james comey hopped on a cardi b remix right now -- >> it would be over. >> i would not be shocked. >> it would all be over. [ laughter ] he's killing again. >> he's not selling a book. he's trying to get like a vh1 special. he's going to be on "love and hip hop" next season. >> yes. [ laughter ] "love and hip hop: d.c. starring james comey." >> seth: that is something to look forward to. guys, it's always so great to
1:25 am
see you. congratulations. always a pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for desus nice and the kid mero. "desus & mero" airs weeknights on viceland. for more information for their live tour, visit we'll be right back with music from lily allen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ at t-mobile, we don't just see uniforms. we see the people behind them. so we're committed to helping veterans through job training when their service ends... and to hiring 10,000 veterans and military spouses to be part of our workforce in the next 5 years. because no matter where you serve... or when you serve... t-mobile stands ready to serve you. so we provide half-off on all family lines for military.
1:26 am
hey, i'm curious about your social security alerts. oh! we'll alert you if we find your social security number on any one of thousands of risky sites, so you'll be in the know. ewww! being in the know is very good. don't shake! ahhh! sign up online for free. discover social security alerts. it's about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. they got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. (chuckling) or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. (laughing) or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. (laughing) left and right twix® packs. it's time to deside. and we got to know the friends of our friends.r the friends. then our old friends from middle school, our mom, our ex and our boss joined forces to wish us happy birthday. then we discovered our uncle use to play in a band.
1:27 am
and realized he was young once too. and we found others just like us. and just like that we felt a little less alone. but then something happened. we had to deal with spam, clickbait, fake news, and data misuse. that's going to change. from now on, facebook will do more to keep you safe and protect your privacy. so we can all get back to what made facebook good in the first place. friends. because when this place does what it was built for, we all get a little closer. with roomba from irobot, your family can expect clean floors everyday. two unique multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction pick up dirt, large debris and even pet hair. so your floors are always clean. you and roomba from irobot. better together. it's ssave on the perfecthl's! gift for mom! and take an extra 20% off!
1:28 am
save on mommy and me pjs and kitchen electrics! plus stack your savings and give her diamond earrings for just $27.51! plus get kohl's cash! gifts for mom - kohl's cash for you! kohl's.
1:29 am
there's your order. and a napkin to go with it.
1:30 am
i have the new fresh beef quarter pounders for you guys. and also, here are your napkins. (laughing) it's so juicy, you're going to need it. mcdonald's proudly introduces the new fresh beef quarter pounder burgers. they're cooked right when you order on our flat iron grill. so they're hot, full of flavor, and fantastically juicy. mcdonald's new 100% fresh beef quarter pounder burgers. let's just say you'll need a bigger napkin. ( ♪ )
1:31 am
♪ >> seth: my next guest is a grammy-nominated musician whose highly anticipated new album "no shame" will be released on june 8th. performing "three" please welcome lily allen, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you say you're going but you don't say how long for you say it's work ♪ ♪ but i'm not sure you say you love me then you walk right out the door ♪ ♪ i'm left here wanting more of course there's lots of things i could be
1:32 am
getting on with ♪ ♪ i'm never short of things to do this afternoon i made a papier maché fish, mum ♪ ♪ i made it just for you please don't go stay here with me it's not my fault ♪ ♪ i'm only three i'm only three i'm only three i'm only three ♪ ♪ i'm only three i'm only three my social calendar is busier than yours ♪ ♪ i've been out making
1:33 am
lots of friends you can't play with us 'cause you're always ♪ ♪ off on tour one day i hope you'll meet them please don't go ♪ ♪ stay here with me it's not my fault i'm only three i'm only three ♪ ♪ i'm only three i'm only three i'm only three i'm only three ♪ ♪ when things feel black and white we'll do some coloring in when you want to play ♪ ♪ when you want to play with me when things feel
1:34 am
black and white ♪ ♪ we'll do some coloring in when you want to play when you want to play with me ♪ ♪ please don't go stay here with me it's not my fault i'm only three ♪ ♪ i'm only three i'm only three i'm only three ♪ i'm only three i'm only three ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: lily allen, everyone! "no shame" is out june 8th. for tour dates, head over to we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
1:35 am
1:36 am
1:37 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to chris evans, scott evans, desus & mero, lily allen, everyone! sarah tomek, of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: good evening, this is carson daly with tonight's "last call," by way of the time new york hotel. and coming up, jungle's gonna perform from the el rey, but first bobby lee is an actor and comedian best knowr


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on