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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  July 10, 2019 12:37am-1:35am PDT

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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- tom holland, from "the secret life of pets 2," actress and comedian jenny slate, music from soak, featuring the 8g band with jon wurster. ♪ [ cheers and appuse ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause in that case, let's get to the news according to a new poll, the controversy surrounding former vice president joe biden's recent comments about working with segregationists had no impact on his popularity
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here's what his popularity looks like [ laughter ] party officials have released the ground rules for this week's democratic primary debates, and candidates will have 60 seconds to answer questions and 30 seconds to respond to follow ups. follow ups like, "i'm sorry, what was your name again [ laughter ] no, no, not you, the other one who looks like you." [ laughter ] president trump today bragged about wall street performance tweeting, quote, "stock market is headed for one of our best months in the history of our country. thank you, mr. president." [ laughter ] is he thanking himself in his own tweet? [ laughter ] that's like leaving yourself a voicemail the morning after you masturbate to say you had a good time [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause "anyway, call me back. you know the number, because
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it's this number." [ laughter ] first lady melania trump announced today that her director of communications will shift over and become the next white house press secretary. it turns out you don't really need your own communications director when you never actually, you know, communicate. [ laughter ] boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 max jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. either that or jerry in marketing finally got that raise. [ cheers and applause "wow jerry, looking good. "yeah, thank you." the legoland amusement park in new york has constructed the world's smallest pride parade made exclusively out of toy bricks "oh no, ours is smaller," said alabama.
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[ laughter and applause ikea has begun testing its own food delivery service. unfortunately, it also comes unassembled. [ laughter ] federal officials today announced the launch of a program to combat robo-calls, which they're calling operation call it quits. "sorry, that name is already taken," said trump's personal trainer. disneyland this week opened its new "star wars" themed park. the park has nine sections, but it is only worth seeing the first three. [ audience ohs ] you didn't love it but it doesn't matter, because this next one -- [ laughter ] it was reported -- [ laughter ]
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it was reported today that cuba will open its first sex shop it's called fadildo's. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, after president trump was accused of sexual assault by well-known advice columnist e. jean carroll, trump first denied that he'd ever met her, and then said in an interview monday "she's not my type," which brings us to a segment we call, "hey. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: hey, ass [ bleep ], if someone asks you "did you rape that woman?" and you say, "no, she's not my type," that's not a defense. that's a confession. [ cheers and applause it's like if you ask hannibal lecter "did you eat that guy?" and he said, "no, he looked a little boney. and hey, you alssa never met this person in my life" despite the fact that the article literally has a picture of you talking to her at a party. so you lied, you did meet her. of course, the problem is even
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if you showed this picture to trump, he wouldn't change his mind, because he's such an egomaniac that when he looks at a picture that he's in, it's a "being john malkovich" situation. [ laughter ] and when someone asked him about the photo, trump dismissed it saying, "standing with my coat in a line, give me a break, with my back to the camera. hey man, if anything, that makes this photograph even more memorable, because it's one of the few times you didn't do that weird thing where you looked directly in the camera like the "cloverfield" monster. [ laughter ] and hey, no one believes you when you deny this stuff, because you already admitted to it, remember you were on a bus with billy bush bragging about assaulting women like some sort of port authority pervert. trump's head shot shouldn't be hanging at the white house it should be hanging at every greyhound bus station in the tri-state area [ laughter ] carroll is now -- carroll is now -- [ cheers and applause -- at least -- at least the 22nd woman to step forward on the record with an account of an unwanted sexual advance or other encounter with trump
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hey man, who do you think is lying to us in this situation? all 22 women who have nothing to gain by lying and are showing incredible courage in the face of these kinds of attacks or the ge ahinese hoax, said three million people voted illegally in the last election, and once told eric trump, "i enjoy spending time with you." [ cheers and applause and hey, man, i know -- i know you think everything is a conspiracy, and the fake news is out to get you but i promise you all these women are doing is courageously telling the truth. the media isn't trying to screw you, because to borrow a phrase, you're not their type. this has been "hey." [ cheers and applause ♪ we've got a great show for you tonight. he's the star of "spider-man: far from home. tom holland is here, everybody [ cheers and applause yeah she's a very funny comedian and actress who is the voice of gidget in "the secret life of pets 2." our friend jenny slate is here tonight. [ cheers and applause and we have music from soak. so you're here on a great night.
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you know guys, there's been some amazing stuff going on with space lately i read recently that scientists at nasa were actually able to take a photograph of a real live black hole and you know, things like this they -- they start to get me thinking that i'm getting older, and sometimes i look around me i don't even recognize the world i'm living in anymore. things are changing every day. not always for the better. [ laughter ] and it's times like these that get me to thinking about how things were just a bit more simple - "back in my day. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: back in my day, we didn't have photographs of black holes, horse feathers. well, technically, we did have photographs of black holes, but then we deleted our browser history, and our wives never found them [ laughter ] thank god for that back in my day, o.j. simpson
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didn't have hundreds of thousands of followers on twitter. back in my day, o.j. only had 8 followers, and they were ar. [ cheers and applause back in my day, we weren't trying to start a war with iran. back in my day, we were trying to start a war with iraq [ light laughter ] i guess the moral of this story is that if your name starts with i-r-a, you're in for trouble so better watch your back, ira glass. [ laughter ] do you know who ira glass is [ dog barks oh, of course you do we love public radio, rusty. [ dog barks back in my day, tiger woods wasn't shocking the world by winning the masters. back in my day, we were shocked if tiger did win the masterslos "jeepers, i wonder if something's wrong with him." and then, we found out, and we're like, "yeesh." [ laughter ] back in my day, doctors weren't
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3-d printing body organs for patients, cod buckles. back in my day, the only time we printed organs was when we put our butts on the copy machine, printed out a hundred copies, and then, handed them out at the office christmas party [ laughter ] [ dog barks that's right, rusty. at one time, the butt was considered an organ. [ dog barks well, i personally don't think they smell good, but to each their own. [ dog barks back in my day, we didn't have denim underwear, wafflecock. [ laughter ] back in my day, if you wanted something rough and uncomfortable rubbing up against your junk, you had to ride the subway at rush hour. [ laughter ] [ light applause ] back in my day, people weren't getting cancelled online for saying something stupid or racist back in my day, if you said something stupid or racist, you got cancelled by abc, but then, they tried to bring your show back without you but it was
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[ laughter ] [ light laughter ] back in my day, the hit tv show "friends" wasn't streaming on netflix. bingfiddles. back in my day - [ laughter ] the only "friends"-related streaming we had was that one episode where monica got stung by the jellyfish, and chandler had to stream all over her [ laughter and applause back in my day, we weren't watching "toy story 4. no sir, if you wanted to see a woody on screen, you had to go to a different kind of theater [ laughter ] [ dog barks that's a good question, rusty. i guess they don't really have them anymore [ dog barks oh, well, because of the internet [ dog barks that is not what you saw, rusty. [ dog barks i was doing my taxes online. [ dog barks back in my day, we weren't going crazy over the korean boy band bts, no, sir
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we were going nuts over korean boy bands like xo, shiny, big g monster x, qt me, hi hello, and pp pie [ laughter ] and only three of those were made up. [ laughter ] well i'm sorry, everybody. but sometimes this grumpy gramps has got to get his old jaw flapping flap right. this has been "back in my day. [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause back again with us tonight, he's the in-demand drummer for indie legends superchunk and bob mould. he can also be heard on the new album from the mountain goats "in league with dragons. jon wurster is here, everybody thank you for being here, jon. [ cheers and applause >> thank you >> seth: guys, this is very exciting thanks to newly developed technology, we here at "late night" now have the ability to record the tiny voice that is inside donald trump's head and you might be surprised to know that like everyone's inner voice, donald trump's is filled with paralyzing fear and self-doubt so, here it is the tiny voice in the back of donald trump's head. ♪
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>> hey, dour lldst favorite thi the job, waiting for foreign people to stop talking so you can eat your dinner. [ laughter ] and you have to pretend to listen, and give a little nod. oh, good point i didn't understand a word you said, but i want to eat these dumplings. [ light laughter ] i'm going to look at them, and i'm gonna steal a little peek at my dumplings and - there they are [ laughter ] okay, one, two, three. that's good. i'll eat those and then melania will give me hers that's six, seven, eight [ laughter ] so that's eight dumplings. and maybe shinzo's wife will give me one or two that's 15, 16 dumplings. that's a lot of dumplings. this will be worth it, but you have to stop talking [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: you know our first guest tonight from his work as spider-man in "the avengers" films. he returns as peter parker in "spider-man: far from home" which opens in theaters and imax july 2nd let's take a look. ♪ >> oh, cool.
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♪ [ explosion ♪ >> what is that? >> i don't know. >> what are you gonna do >> i left my suit in the hotel room >> why >> because i'm on vacation, ned. everyone's gonna see my face just get them out of here. >> go. >> go. >> just go ♪ oh, no you don't you okay ♪ ♪ >> seth: please welcome back to the show, tom holland, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome back, tom [ cheers and applause
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it is -- it is very hard to believe, but i guess it makes sense with how hard they make you work this is your fifth -- fifth movie playing spider-man >> somehow, yes it is. >> seth: yeah. >> they've kept me for five movies >> seth: they've kept you for five movies. >> yes >> seth: i'm certainly happy they've kept you you now get -- we were talking backstage, you have a little break coming up. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: where you actually get to enjoy yourself. i know you like to golf. have you been able to golf much in recent years, or has it been too busy >> i have been golfing a lot recently >> seth: uh-huh. golint's so great about the every place that i go. >> seth: that's a good use of your time. i like that. >> which has been really good. i'm still terrible at it >> seth: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> but one day i will get better [ laughter ] >> seth: there are -- it does seem to be the sport of choice for a lot of celebrities have you ever gotten a chance to play with any other people in your field >> not massively, no >> seth: yeah. >> i know justin timberlake plays golf >> seth: yeah. >> i'd like to play with him >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> that would be a lot of fun. so if justin, you're watching, my number is - no, but i was on set of this
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film "spider-man: far from home" and i was talking to sam jackson about my golf life >> seth: yeah. >> and i play with my brothers and my dad, mostly and, you know, we'll -- you know, we'll bet a pound a hole or something, so at the end of the round, you're only gonna lose or make 18 pounds >> seth: right >> and he wasn't very impressed by my story. [ light laughter ] because he was saying that he plays this crazy betting game when he plays golf and then he also dropped in, "and i was playing with tiger woods and michael jordan." [ laughter ] so it wasn't quite as cool as my story. >> seth: no. i will say, i bet sam jackson didn't feel even a little bit bad about making you feel as though you were less cool than him. >> he loves it >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] you also got to work with jake gyllenhaal on this film >> yes, i did. [ cheers and >> seth: and how was that? he's a great guy we're fans of his here >> it was interesting because -- [ laughter ] that was hilarious [ laughter ] no, it was interesting, because i have always been such a big fan of his work.
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and i really, really looked up to him and when i found out that he was cast, i was quite nervous about the idea of working with him and then, he came to set fisof marvel do sometimes is they will completely change the lines overnight. >> seth: gotcha. >> so you walk in on monday morning, and all of a sudden, you have a three-page monologue about interdimensional rifts and all these kind of crazy stuff. >> seth: sure, right very important plot things that might not be super natural coming out of a human mouth. >> totally so jake was, like, he was, like, panicking. so i found myself on day one with working with one of my idols, like, "it's okay, man, it's okay. [ laughter ] this is just how it goes over here in the marvel world." thaas like what happened right before this photo [ laughter ] >> that is exact w we have talked about the suitsfr argument is, you have the hardest suit to wear of anybody in the marvel universe >> yeah. i would argue that, yes. >> seth: yeah. >> because i have no skin showing. >> seth: yeah.
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>> i'm straight up head to toe in lycra [ light laughter ] i don't even have my - i can't even use my phone. [ laughter ] and i'm 23 like i use my phone a lot. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> i've become so good at, like, liking pictures with my nose and -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, i mean, that's one -- if anybody shouldn't be able to use their phone on set, it should be sam jackson that should be the trade-off >> exactly >> seth: yeah. i know -- robert downey jr., who, of course, you've worked with in many films >> yes [ cheers ] >> seth: you have -- you have his phone number, which is a pretty cool thing >> i do, yeah. i do have his phone number he -- i was -- where were we i think we were in london and he face-timed me at 2:00 in the morning. >> seth: okay. >> and i didn't even check to see who it was i was like, "who is that?" i, like, hung up and then i woke up in the morning and in my phone, he's saved as "the godfather. [ laughter ] so, i woke up and panicked i was like, "oh, my god. i'm so sorry i didn't mean to ghost you." [ light laughter ] and he didn't -- he obviously didn't reply for ages, because of the time difference in l.a. >> seth: yeah.
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>> so that was maybe the most stressful day of my life where i thought my relationship with downey was over. >> seth: yeah, but imagine how stressed out he was, being like, "oh, my god, i got ghosted by tom. [ laughter ] >> is that what it's come to >> seth: "i was 'the godfather' and now this?" hey, so, i know, you went to hawaii when was your hawaii trip? >> we -- my family and i went to hawaii in january. >> seth: very nice >> amazing trip. >> seth: and do you ever have this happen where you're flying, and because you have been in so many of these films that people watch all the time, that they watch on airplaneszed, like, "oh, that person is watchi >> yeah, it happens occasionally, yeah i also -- i've seen someone watch one of my movies and turn it off >> seth: yeah, yea were flying to hawaii, i noticed this young lady was watching "spider man: homecoming. and, you know, it was kind of cool i was like, "oh, that lady is watching my movie. and then this other lady walked past me, and i said to my brother, i went, "dude, that lady looks so unwell." and then, all of a sudden, i heard this thud next to me and i looked to the left, and this
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lady had passed out next to me >> seth: wow >> like, full on, out cold so, i jumped up. i was trying to -- i'm not a doctor, i'm an actor [ laughter ] i was like, "ma'am, are you all right? so i was calling for a doctor, i was trying to clear her hair out of her face, check her airways and stuff. and this woman who was watching my film was looking at me. [ laughter ] and she must have thought, she was like, "wow, this kid just never stops. [ laughter ] you know >> seth: just go, go, go yeah that was great [ cheers and applause she was like, "he's better at spider-man stuff than he is at doctor stuff." >> i know, i was useless like, i was trying to find her pulse. i don't know how to do that. i was like, "she has no pulse. oh, no, she does she does, i just don't know how to do that." >> seth: "i was checking her hip. i was wrong. i looked in the wrong place. [ laughter ] you travel -- one of your brothers is backstage. >> yes, harry. [ cheers and applause apparently, he has more fans than i do. >> seth: yes [ laughter ] do they ever -- when you travel
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and you've got the family together, are they ever trying to sort of trade off the fact that you're a well known older brother? do they every try to say your name loudly to draw attention to people and maybe use it to meet the ladies >> meet the ladies i mean, they wouldn't. but i would always help them >> seth: oh, very nice so, wing man, yeah >> as a wing man >> seth: you do never rest, it's true >> i do never rest [ laughter ] no, we were in hawaii and sam and i were -- we were swimming in the sea and there were so many beautiful ladies on the beach. and, you know, sam was single at the time and he was like, "oh, i just really wanna -- i wanna meet someone, man." so, i was like, "all that needs to happen is we've got to get someone to recognize me. and then they'll introduce all their friends and it'll be -- you'll be golden." so anyways, so this girl walks into the sea she's gorgeous and she's walking over and i'm like, "here you go, bro. here you go. here we go." [ laughter ] and she breezes right past me. like, "hello?" and she goes over to sam and she goes, "oh, my god, are you timothee chalamet? [ laughter ] and he was like, "yes. [ laughter ]
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yes, i am. >> seth: and i will say, not crazy. i mean - >> i mean, come on [ audience oohs >> seth: i will say they're very bold to say you are a person who is french. like, that's like, because then you -- >> yeah. >> seth: then you're like moments away from the game being up you know >> true, true. i think sam -- no, he doesn't speak any french that was - [ light laughter ] that was when chat shows stress of like, "yeah, he's fluent in french." [ laughter ] >> seth: he had to do that thing of - they're like, "oh, well, you must speak french, being timothee chalamet. he's like, "not on vacation. i'm on vacation right now. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. [ speaking in foreign language ] [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, thanks so much for being here >> thanks for having me. >> seth: congrats on the film. always a pleasure to see you >> thanks again. >> seth: tom holland "spider-man: far from home" opens in theaters and imax july 2nd we'll be right back with jenny slate. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest is a very funny actress you know from tv series such as "parks and recreation" and "house of lies." she returns as the voice of gidget in "the secret life of pets 2," which is in theaters now. let's take a look. >> okay. gidget, eat sweetpea >> what? >> cats eat birds. it's nature. >> yeah, i'm gonna pass. >> no, no, no, no. you used your one pass on the litterbox, so you have to do this >> but - >> bu -- bu -- bu -- bu -- do it. >> you're seriously going to >>h, no, no, no. of course not. i'm just freaking her out. [ gasp ] >> okay. whatlaex blah, blah. [ bird chirping oh sorry. >> seth: welcome back to the show, our friend, jenny slate, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: hi, jenny >> hi, seth.
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>> seth: last time you were here, we talked about how you gave a commencement speech at a high school. >> true. true >> seth: true. >> correct >> seth: you did one -- you gave a speech, a different kind of commencement this year recently. >> yes >> seth: made the papers >> yeah. >> seth: made the papers >> yeah. >> seth: do you want to explain to everybody why it made the papers >> well, first ol, socause it was so right. >> that's right. >>h: >> i guess i mean, yes, sure. what happened was that a lovely young lady named gwen lynch was the last student to ever graduate from the one-room schoolhouse on cuttyhunk island. she's an 8th grader. i gave the commencement speech to her class which was her >> seth: yes [ laughter ] >> one [ cheers and applause >> seth: so you gave a one person commencement speech >> yeah. yeah >> seth: was she someone you requested? >> okay, no. well, i mean, i would request her.
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i think she's really cool. >> seth: yeah. >> here's the deal she did not request me at all. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> i found this out from "the new york times." [ laughter ] >> seth: after the fact? >> before. >> seth: before the fact okay >> which is also devastating >> seth: right yeah >> you know. >> seth: because you're about to go in there, and now you feel like, "i might bomb. >> not only that but truly, i'm unwanted. [ laughter ] la and they were like, "well, no, you can't have that. she's busy she was, like, "okay got it i want oprah." [ laughter ] and they were like, "yeah, she can't come here. you know there's two ferries a day. she's too busy." then i show up, and i'm a nervous jewish lady. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. she also told the "times" that she wasn't -- she didn't really know who i was [ laughter ] >> seth: wow >> yeah. >> seth: but then you show up. you know, there must be this incredible burden to give a speech to one person because, i think, normally with a commencement speech, it's just try to think of things for all of you
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>> sure. when i gave it to my high school, it was 180 students. and i was kind of, like, i could be sincere, like, "follow your dreams, be your own best lizard or a bird as a pet. >> seth: right, yeah good advice. >> yeah. i mean, it's not the best thing to do with your adulthood. [ light laughter ] >> seth: right, yeah >> but that's -- like, you can't be general or that specific. >> seth: right is you can't just show up on an >> seth: yeah, right [ laughter ] >> it's like, yeah, yeah, you can't -- >> seth: but then you could tell, she's like, "oprah never would have wasted her time on lizards. [ light laughter ] >> that's right. yeah oprah knows -- oprah is wiser >> seth: but it went well. >> yeah, it went really well well, i really wanted to do a good job for this young lady and so i went to cuttyhunk before the speech, and i took a walk with her. and cuttyhunk has a tick problem. >> seth: yeah. >> so there's like a lot of -- >> seth: this is a tiny little
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island in massachusetts. >> a tiny, teeny island where people drive golf carts instead of cars. >> seth: yeah. >> and you know, everyone knows each other and i showed up there. i had overlsureneck. i had my overalls tucked into my socks and galoshes >> seth: all tick fear this is all tick fear? >> tick fear >> seth: yeah. >> a jacket, a scarf also, in june. this just happened >> seth: yeah. right. >> yeah. [ laughter ] just in case you're like, "oh, she graduated in the dead of winter in the past?" [ laughter ] yeah so she showed up barefoot in a like, really cool and we took a walk and i got to know her. and she's wondl. she lives on an island and goes to school by herself and still has more friends than i had as a teenager >> seth: wow, yeah [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: i imagine one of the fears was, because obviously people were going to film it, this might be one of those -- it could live on in the internet. you also have that pressure. >> that's right. that we're in the future now >> seth: yeah, right >> and everything is computer. >> seth: yes >> you know, and computer rules. so i was like, okay, there's two
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things i'm obsessed with on the internet that are painful for others, but i can't stop watching them. one is -- sorry. i can't even think about it without laughing failed productions of local "peter pan"s somee backstage pulls the wrong rope and, just like, wendy gets ripped out of her bed. [ laughter ] truly bad karma, and i can't stop watching it and there really is e where wendy gets ripped out and then she is in character, and she's like, "oh! [ laughter ] and like goes back to her bed. but anyway then there's this other thing that i'm obsessed with, which is brides that sing original songs to their grooms. [ light laughter ] >> seth: uh-huh. oh, wow. >> because it's like a one-on-one thing, and there's one video, that it's a bride she goes down the stairs and she sings a song and like, it actually hurts me to remember it, but i am addicted to it and she's like - ♪ kevin we are gettin married to each othe
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right now ♪ and he's like -- [ laughter ] and he has to stand there and be like, "yes, baby, you are the best singer. you are so beautiful." she's like - ♪ our parents are there judy and bil and there is my aunt ♪ you know, it's whatever. [ laughter ] >> seth: so you -- >> i was like, i don't want just be in her face, being like -- you are graduating today you knoweal ol >> seth: i've written a song called "first in ycl >> yeah. [ laughter ] that would have been a cool leap, if i had jusde yea [ laughter ] >> and just shown up on that island it was in a tiny church. >> seth: yeah. >> and just been like -- ♪ and a one and a two [ laughter ] >> seth: 'cause i will say, my biggest fear in life is someone singing a song directly to me. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: like that is the worst thing in the world >> oh, i can't imagine it. i mean, i guess that's why i watch that on the internet all the time [ laughter ]
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just to condition myself in case i'm in my house one day, and someone's like - ♪ we're in the kitchen and i'm just like -- [ screaming [ laughter ] i don't want it. i don't want it. >> seth: this is your -- congratulations. i'm so glad. >> thank you >> seth: that's so awesome >> but it was okay it was great >> seth: there is a photo, too >> okay. >> seth: ts >> seth: a newspaper that i've -- i've read the "vineyard gazette. >> yeah, do you remember last year - now, we're a little off topic. >> seth: yeah. >> but they had a whole story about how a bird called the blue-footed booby landed on someone's boat and it made the newspaper. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> you know, that's what's going on >> seth: my father-in-law had a pet goat that died, and it got an obituary longer than a president's. [ laughter ] it interviewed other people, like, "what did you think of raisin?" "well, you know, he's like -- he was like most goats but i guess we'll miss him." [ laughter ] >> oh, man i'm super sorry to hear about the goat, though >> seth: thank you [ laughter ]
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it was weird when he died that i didn't hear from you >> yeah. yeah [ laughter ] i don't know i had a really bad personality >> seth: this was in the "vineyard gazette. >> yeah. yeah, yeah >> seth: you and gwen. >> okay. >> seth: are you happy with the photo? >> look, gwen looks great. i want to go on record gwen, you look great my feeling about this photo, and i can't believe i'm going to do this on television, but another fear of mine besides brides with microphones -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- is this thing that one of my friends calls "adult head spread." >> seth: okay. >> i call it "pumpkin head." it's this feeling that once you get into your adulthood your head becomes, like, a lot bigger like you just can't control it you just get adult head spread i saw that in the newspaper. i was like, "what is this year of me finding stuff out in the newspaper that's, like, terrible?" and i think -- i just think it might be the start of head spread >> seth: yeah. >> and i'm also like, you know, did i really need to wear a big chunky sweater but that's for another show.
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>> seth: yeah. it does feels like it's local -- it feels like, local girl meets out of towner afraid of ticks. >> yeah, that's right. [ laughter ] that's what it was that's what it was >> seth: this is your second time playing in "secret life of pets 2." >> yes >> seth: this is a very pampered dog? >> yes >> seth: we can tell she's really - >> seth: are you pampered in real life? >> you know what >> seth: really? >> and i was saying -- i was hoping, just before i came here, to just even get a lip wax [ light laughter ] like i'm out of the mani-pedi game it's over. >> seth: really? fully out? >> yeah. i'm just really -- [ laughter ] -- wild and free >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: you're with the ticks now. you're running with the ticks now. >> yeah. oh, yeah i live on a peninsula with my boyfriend in massachusetts and we just, like, check each other for ticks. [ laughter ] that's my chosen life. i like it. yeah >> seth: thank you so much for coming back. it is always such a delight to see you. >> thank you for having me >> seth: that's jenny slate, everybody. "the secret life of pets 2" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with more "late night. [ cheers and applause ♪
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can we keep him? what do you see in your cheetos?
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: after a handful of celebrity parents were caught up in a massive college admissions
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scandal, there's been a renewed focus on extreme parenting techniques, including something called "snowplow parenting," a trend in which parents go to great lengths to shield even their adult children from life's obstacles. here to comment, please welcome one of my writers, dina gusovsky. [ cheers and applause >> thanks, seth. now, as a native russian and a child of immigrants, i think this whole idea of snowplow parenting is absolutely insane which brings me to a new segment called "everyone should be raised by immigrants." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> look, growing up is hard, but immigrant parents make it even harder they don't snowplow. if anything they bury you in snow and give you a tiny shovel to dig yourself out. [ laughter ] you know, to build character now, i came to america when i was 4, and one of my first memories here was my parents sending me off, without warning, to the horror that is kindergarten [ laughter ] >> seth: oh. i remember kindergarten being fun and easy >> for you i'm sure it was, but i did not speak english, and no one there spoke russian.
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>> seth: oh, yeah. that's different [ laughter ] >> well, seth, that was the least of it, because my parents also wanted to make sure that i was not underdressed for my big day. so they sent me to school in what they assumed all americans send their kids to school in a tuxedo and a top hat [ laughter and applause that's right i had to explain to the other children in broken english that i was, indeed, their classmate -- [ light laughter ] -- and not a tiny cruise ship magician [ laughter ] but that taught me to fend for myself very early on >> seth: i mean, that's rough. it's adorable, but it's rough. [ light laughter ] >> and if you think that's bad, as you get older, immigrant parents are constantly reminding you how much better you could have been, how much more you should have done and how svetlana's daughter is going to harvard and she is only 12-years-old [ laughter ] they always bring up svetlana when they you want to feel bad >> seth: i'm sorry, is svetlana your mother's friend >> she says svetlana is real,
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but no one knows for sure. like a russian santa [ laughter ] seth, i read an article that said some american parents let their kids come home from college, because they didn't like their roommates you think living with a college roommate is hard try living with an immigrant mother no matter how bad your college roommate is, they're not gonna keep week-old veal tongue in the fridge [ light laughter ] and they certainly wouldn't ask every date you bring back to the dorm when he intends to propose. [ laughter ] "do you know that she is already 20 her ovaries will not last forever. [ laughter ] seth, it may seem like it's tough tora immigrants, but they're just trying to prepare you for the real world they would never embarrass you by getting arrested like some of these celebrity snowplow parents, but they will embarrass you by putting you in a top hat and a tux. [ laughter ] this has been "everyone should be raised by immigrants. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: dina gusovsky, everybody. we'll be right back with music from soak. [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: performing "deja vu" off her critically acclaimed album "grim town," please welcome to the show, soak. [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ i haven't seen yo for months i've been waiting up on a call ♪ ♪ for a stranger's voic to ask if i'm sitting down ♪ ♪ no one dare say i but we're thinking the same thing ♪ ♪ no one dare say i but we're thinking the same thing ♪ ♪ no heaven in front of m a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency ♪ ♪ nothing's new deja vu deja v deja vu ♪ no heaven in front of me a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency ♪
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♪ nothing's new deja vu deja v deja vu ♪ ♪ you've been drinking agai crashed the car an you blamed the rai ooh ooh ♪ ♪ don't you think tha you're better than tha what a crying shame ♪ ♪ all the neighbors are outirren and the dogs have gone mad it's all going down ♪ ♪ no one dare say i but we're thinking the same thing ♪ ♪ no heaven i front of me yeah a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency ♪ ♪ nothing's new deja vu deja v deja vu ♪ ♪ no heaven in front of me a neon light catastrophe
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no unexpected emergency ♪ ♪ nothing's new deja vu deja v deja vu ♪ ♪ nheaven in front of m no unexpected emergency ♪ ♪ no heaven in front of m a neon light catastrophe no unexpected emergency ♪ ♪ nothing's new deja vu deja v deja vu ♪ ♪ no heaven in front of m a neon light catastrophe
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no unexpected emergency ♪ ♪ nothing's new deja vu deja v deja vu ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: soak, everybody the album "grim town" is out now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause the nature of a virus is to change. move. mutate. is helping hunt them down at their source. because the faster we can identify new viruses, the faster we can get to stopping them. sonal technology, is technology with the power to change your life. life. to the fullest.
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that leave therea lasting impression.
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like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun. you might remember new flavours, or a view that defies all expectations. these are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed. [ cheers and applause >> seth: my thanks to tom holland, jenny slate soak, everybody. jon wurster, 8g band stay tuned for "carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ ♪ >> carson: good evening and welcome to "last call.


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