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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  July 31, 2019 12:37am-1:38am PDT

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live from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- plus, wanda sykes. author jose antonio vargas and jeff quay. ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers [ cheers and applause >> seth: hey, i'm seth meyers this is "late night. we're live at 12:37 a.m. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that was wonderful to hear during her opening statement in tonight's
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democratic debate, senator elizabeth warren said that president trump disgraces the office of the president every single day, which isn't fair, because he's really only in the office like twice a week [ laughter ] after the first half of tonight's debate, google searches for former congressman john dlany increased by 3400%, and still no results [ laughter ] president trump did not tweet for the entirety of tonight's debate i think we all owe a big thank you to "the bachelorette" finale [ applause ] this week's second democratic debate is separate into two parts. although you can't really have a substantive debate between ten people, even in a threesome, somebody ends up feeling left
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out. even if they had the best ideas. [ laughter ] tonight's half of the debate marked the first appearance of steve bullock, who replaced congressman eric swalwell who dropped out. not going to lie, still not sure which is which [ laughter ] the dnc today rejected a poll that presidential hopeful andrew yang was attempting to use to qualify for september's democratic debate. but i don't know, looks pretty convincing [ laughter ] president trump gave his prediction to the outcome of the democratic primary why are you asking him who's going to win he didn't even predict he was going to win president trump also said today that he thinks former vice president joe biden will get the democratic nomination, but will "limp across the finish line." opposed to trump who only limped
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when he's asked about vietnam. when he's asked about vietnam. >> police in new york helped a mother give birth in costco parking lot yesterday, but since it was costco, she had to do it in bulk. uber announced credit has laid off 400 employees from its marketing team well, not so much lay them off as drop them off a few blocks before their destination and finally, today was arnold schwarzenegger's 72nd birthday he looks great when asked what his secret was, he said, i have a second family ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight [ cheers and applaus her standup special "not normal" is currently available on netflix. wanda sykes is here, everybody
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and here's author of "dear america," jose antonio vargas is here, as well. [ applause ] we have a great show tonight before we get to our guests, tonight was the first round of the second series of democratic presidential debates for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ applause ] of course, just because it was the democrat's big night doesn't mean that donald trump could stay out of the news in fact, he's physically incapable of it. i'm shocked he didn't crash through the walls of the debate stage in his golf cart he spends the day screaming at the tv all day, ranting about baltimore to trade to morgue talk though shows, tweeting, do i hear the beautiful word bipartisan i don't know, do you let's listen >> in a few moments, i will sign a bipartisan bill. >> of course, a bar partisan is someone who only votes while
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drunk. how do i get out of this booth also, how do you mess up the word bipartisan? it's like the most popular word in politics. that's like messing up the word congress or lawmakers. >> law merkers >> he was asked if his racist attacks on congressman cummings is part of a calculated strategy, which is clearly not true, and also doesn't matter. it's just who trump is he's a racist that's how he sees the world when he was asked today if it was a grand strategy, he said >> there's no strategy i have no strategy there's zero strategy >> that would be an accurate trump response to literally any question president trump, when you stand up straight, are you inte intentionally puffing your
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chest out like an angry kangaroo i stand like this because my bones are hollowed out from the diet coke. today was a day of seemingly accidental confessions from president trump, because he was also asked by reporters about a bipartisan election security bill that mitch mcconnell is blocking trump tried to defend him, but i don't think his comments were helpful. >> mitch mcconnell is a man that knows less about russia and russia's influence than even donald trump and i know nothingn dona >> i agree i mean, this is a crazy day. and, again, an answer that could work for literally any question. after his presidency is over and they haul him in on obstruction of justice charges, he's going to be telling the cops, it was all mike pence's idea. >> i know nothing.
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>> seth: all of this is why whatever you think of the democrats, it was a relief and change of pace to hear a bunch of people who can speak in coherent sentences about actual policies the only time elizabeth warren has ever been a bar partisan is when she drank a beer that one time on instagram live warren was one of the leading contenders coming into tonight's debate along with her close friend bernie sanders. and coming into the debate tonight, there were a lot of questions about how they would handle their friendship. the media couldn't help but speculate would they go after each other or team up to go after the moderates on stage >> tonight, the front runlters are going to be bernie sanders and elizabeth warren one of the big questions is, will they go after each other >> they kind of seem to have a pact they won't go after each other. does that pact live through the eving? >> they are competing for some of the same voters so does she try to create differentiation with senator sanders or focus on joe biden or do a different thing >> i think sanders and
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warren are more likely to team up against some of the more moderate candidates on stage >> seth: they should team up, like a wrestling duo warren could give a lengthy explanation for her plans for a wealth tax on assets over $50 million and bernie could hit a billionaire over the head with a chair and then there was the rest of the field. everyone was looking for their moment to stand out. there were big questions for each of them questions like who the hell are these guys would beto bust out his spanish again? and since cory cooker wasn't on stain, would he make this face at home? would tim ryan get could touring the stage again looking like a pledge and would mary ann williamson explode into a million butterflies that spell out the word love? while some candidates had big fan bases, others got more muted reactions.
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>> senator bernie sanders. [ cheers and applause senator elizabeth warren [ cheers and applause mayor pete buttigieg [ cheers and applause former congressman john delaney [ cheers and applause >> oh, man, what a bummer for that guy to have to follow warren, buttigieg and bernie it's like springstein and the rolling stones concert after all that, elizabeth warren returned the opening kickoff for a 99-yard touchdown. and then there was still more, because they also had opening statements we didn't even get to our first question until 25 minutes in you could have watched an entire episode of
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"slveep. what is this guy doing here and where is grommet [ applause [ applause ] we did give the benefit of an opening statement from maryann williamson who made it weird with her word choice >> in 1776, our founders brought forth on this planet an extraordinary new possibility. >> on this planet? to be clear, on the planet i'm from, you can only vote if you have gathered enough moon crystals and then the democrats immediately got into it, with the moderators asking bernie to respond to former congressman john delaney's criticism of his medicare for all plan. >> you support medicare for all, which could take private health insurance away from more than 150 million americans in exchange for government-sponsored health care for everyone congressman delaney
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referred to it as bad policy, and previously he called the idea political suicide that will just get president trump re-elected what do you say to congressman delaney? >> you're wrong. [ laughter ] >> that's a quick answer bernie said that like he's definitely used those words before sir, you ordered the lobster bisque you're wrong i ordered the chicken soup and i want those crackers crackers for all and then after delaney and others accused bernie and warren of trying to make private herlt insurance illegal, warren stepped in >> let's be clear, we are the democrats. we're not about trying to take away health care from anyone that's what the republicans are trying to do and we should stop using republican talking points in order to talk with each other about how to best provide that health care.
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>> elizabeth warren will turn this car around right now and nobody is going to disney land [ applause ] bernie and warren have standown moments and bernie seemed feisty early on he was shouting over the moderators when they interrupted him, taking on the moderates like delaney and landing a blow against congressman tim ryan >> senator warren, it's your turn >> your time is up >> on the medicare for all, the hospitals will savp >> on th substantial sums of money, because they're not going to be spending a fortune doing billing and the other bureaucratic things they have to do today thy have second of all, maybe you did that and made money off of health care, but our job is to run a nonprofit health care system medical for all covers all health care needs for senior citizens it will finally include dental care, hearing aids, and eye glasses. second of ault - >> you don't know that, bernie >> i do know i wrote the damn
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bill >> tim ryan better hope medicare for all passes because he's going to need some health care for that burn. bernie scared him so bad ryan turned white as a sheet 40 years ago. he got hit so hard, his hat flew back on to his head. you know bernie was waiting to be challenged on a bill you wrote. it's like j.k. raulings was on "jeopardy" and one of the categories was boy wizards but all the moderates wanted to shout at warren and bernie they debated whether a self-described socialist and former governor john hickenlooper tried to mock bernie's mannerisms. >> so again, if we're going to force americans to make these radical changes, they're not going to go along. throw your hands up, but you - >> all right >> i can do it >> seth: i feel like that's the
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only time john hickenlooper has said, throw your hands up. don't challenge bernie to pull a bernie and you're going to do nh that thing with your finger okay, i will do it and point it right at you and then when the moderates kept challenging warren on her plans, claiming her ideas were impossible, she delivered what seemed like a thesis statement for her candidacy and for the night. >> you know, i don't understand why anybody goes through the trouble of running for president of the united states just to of the talk about what we really can't do and shouldn't fight for >> yeah, what's the point of running for president if all your positions are about stuff you can't do it's like if mr. reagan had said, mr. gorbachev, make this wall a little shorter said, mr. gorbachev, make this wall a little shorter. one of the flashpoints in this divide between the progressives and the moderates was the climate crisis the candidates
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disagreed over ambitious proposals like the green new deal, and ryan tried to take on bernie >> what do you do with an industry that knowingly paid billions in short-term profits and is destroying this planet? i say that is criminal activity. >> that cannot be allowed -- >> congressman, your response? >> i would just said, i didn't say we couldn't get there until 2040, bernie you don't have to yell >> he does have to yell bernie's been kicked out of every library in vermont he's like the bus from "speed if he goes under 100 decemdecember i -- decemberables, his air will explode. it was like watching michael jordan and scotty pippen take on the washington generals. at one point, john delaney was again called on to debate warren on her proposal to a wealth tax on assets over $50 million she managed to debate delaney just
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with her facial expressions. >> you know the last president to do that was ronald reagan we can do that in our first year i've called for that to be done and it be double the earned income tax credit. i called for the expansion of universal pre-k, so every american has pre-k >>. >> seth: it's like when you're on the subway next to the crazy guy, you want to move without talking. also, look at how she rubs her talking. hands when the wealth tax comes up >> your estimated net worth is more than $65 million that would make you subject to senator warren's proposed wealth tax on the richest homes in the united states. richest homes in united states. >> seth: i mean, she was like j.k. rowling if the final
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"jeopardy" category was boy by sards. and then there was mary ann williamson again who gave this answer on the flivent water crisis >> i was in denmark, south carolina, where there's talk about it being the next flint. we have an administration that's gutted the clean water act we have communities, particularly communities of color and disadvantaged communities all over this country who are suffering from environmental injustice. i assure you, what happened in flint would not happen where i live this is part of the dark underbelly of american society >> seth: wait, is that good? is she like one of those people you have to listen to a couple of times is she jazz of times is she jazz? let's hear some more >> you can't fight dog whistles, you have to override them. and you can only do that with new voices that come from the fact that america has been
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willing to live up to our own mistakes, i tone for our own mistakes, make amends, love each other, love our democracy, love future generations >> seth: okay i'm going to put this out of my way. [ applause ] but there were a couple of things that were a little odd how this debate was conducted. for one thing, they kept on giving so much time to johndy l delaney. >> congressman delaney, your response >> congressman delaney, i'm coming to you now. >> seth: he's polling within the margin of error. he's not going to win. it's like going to maroon 5 concert and adam levine kept going, all right, time for another "jump" solo. it was also tim ryan, who for some reason, always seemed surprised when they tossed him a question >> i want to go to
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congressman ryan and turn to the subject of north korea >> i mean, my goodness, he looked like a long haul trucker desperately fighting to stay away 130 miles to tulsa maybe if i take off one shoe [ laughter e [ laughter ] ultimately, this was a deeply substantive debate that showcased genuine differences between the candidates on key policy questions no matter what you think of any them, one of them is going to go up against a guy whose slogan is basically -- >> i know nothing. [ cheers and applause >> seth: we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody.
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♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. you know, we don't always have enough time to cover everything in the recent news, so here with a recap is one of our writers, amber, and a thing we call "amber says what?" [ applause ] >> you guys, things have been crazy! okay, first of all, the trailer for the movie version of "cats" came out and everyone was like, what but i hadn't seen it yet, so i was like, what i am sick of people hating on everything for fun i'm sure it's fine
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i watched it, and it was like, i feel scared. am i supposed to feel scared then i was like, what size are these cats are these ginormous cats are they tiny cats and also, what the hell is that? then, jennifer hudson started singing, and i was like, what time y'all want to see this movie with me? because ♪ i'm telling you, i'm going [ applause ] then i heard that new york had some flooding, and i was like, what it can't be that bad then i turned on the news, and i saw this i was like, what you might as well hop on a surf board and beat the train then i watched a bunch of videos of flooding subway platforms i was like, what does this
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remind me of oh, yeah -- ♪ listen to the rivers then the democratic candidates went to a really cool festival for black women in new orleans "essence" magazine is a black lady magazine. a lot of the beauty tips are like, you know you look good so this year, all the democratic candidates went, and i was like, what pete buttigieg gets to go to essence festival before i do that's not fair. pete buttigieg gets everything he's better have not got on the meet mary jane blige oh, man. and then "the new york post" ran a story with this headline saying that the lady was
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"setting her hair on fire. and i was like what, no she's not. she was sealing the ends of her braids, you idiot. it's synthetic hair. this is information you can find out by talking to any black person she's not burning her hair the only thing black women burn is your momma. because she's so dumb. then another publication ran an article about a white lady who claimed she invented a new silk hair wrap. i was like, what white women have been wearing those since time began you didn't invent something that already exists how would you like it if i stole something white ladies invented? like calling the cops for no reason [ applause ] marvel announced five new movies and all us nerds were like, oh,
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what and everyone was talking about how diverse it was i was like, what and i googled it, and it was "black widbiwidow" gets her own movie. the wing of the valkeries was a black woman. and i let out the biggest what when i found out ali was going to be the new blade. i said what so loud, wesley snipes woke up and paid his taxes. i am going to that movie at midnight, and i'm going to embarrass us all i'll see it right after i get out of "cats." now, when people heard about these new marvel movies, they were mad about the diverse recasting. but diverse recasting is the way this country is headed you see, in this unpredictable, chaotic mess we call life, one thing remains a constant, the
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old ways die and new ways rise up to replace them it's simply the -- ♪ circle of life ♪ and it moves us forward ♪ it's the circle, the circle o life ♪ [ applause ] >> seth: thanks, everyone. we'll be right back. the pink? let's go mets! go time daddy! [ giggling ] ohhhh man. took my hat off. [ "to love somebody" by bee gees playing ] that's crazy!
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[ suspenseful music playing ] [ chanting ] you ready? i'm ready. on my three. ok. [ screaming ] you asshole! woo! [ grunting ] [ applause ]
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>> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up to the 8g band right over there also, back with us tonight, he's been the driving force behind the drum kit for 25 years and music director for blue man chicago. check this out, 23 years after teaching our own fred the drums, he is sitting in him for tonight, jeff quay, everybody. [ applause ] our first guest tonight is an award winning comedienne and writer, wanda sykes has been nominated for two emmy awards. please welcome back to the show, one of our favorites, wanda sykes, everyone. [ cheers and applause
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welcome back, wanda. >> thanks for having me. >> seth: you've been here a lot. first time you're here for a live show. what would you normally be doing at this hour >> sleeping. home watching you,set. >> seth: did you watch the debate tonight >> i did >> seth: anything you liked or didn't like? >> at one point, i was like, did the russians hack this, too? [ laughter ] it was weird, right? >> seth: it was a little weird >> like a lot of them, i think, should probably go home and go, what walss i thinking i shouldn't be doing this. this is silly. come on, man this is crazy. >> seth: i feel as though over the course of the night, like people should be allowed to just leave. if they feel like it's not going particularly well. >> yeah. >> seth: sorry, i'm going to go. >> right, yeah
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>> seth: congratulations on your special fantastic, two emmy nominations. >> thank you [ applause ] >> seth: absolutely. you talked about president trump a fair amount in the special and a lot of people in this era, people like you and i have said it must be so easy writing jokes about him. i don't find that necessarily to be true. do you find that to be true? >> no, i don't because there isn't anything that we can write that's funnier than the things he actually says i mean, i know nothing how can -- you can't -- >> seth: yeah. and if we said it, it's like, you just hate im i want you to know he said it, too. >> exactly and also the audience is so polarized. it's like either they hate him or love him. so it's kind of hard to get everybody -- >> seth: i think you do a great
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service to your audience, because you right off the top let them know that they made a mistake. >> i let them know oh, you're going the hear something. and it's -- you come to my show, and you think you're going to hear something oh, you messed up again. >> seth: you were just on vacation you went to france >> yes, with my wife it was hot >> seth: europe is having crazy records. >> yeah, yeah. we were in the south of france, you know, near like right on the mediterranean. it was -- it was nice. but with that heat, and this time my wife, they picked an apartment that was like way up on this hill so every time you go down to the beach, it was like over 100 steps to get back up to the apartment. so some days, i was like, i ain't going to that beach.
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i can look at it from here it looks nice. you know, or you go to the beach, then you go back home and you like forget something at the beach. you just threw that away like i'm not going back for that like a towel or a kid. i'm not going back >> seth: your kids like the beach? >> they love it. >> seth: my two boys love the beach, i don't but you have to put up with them >> what do you do? you just sit on the beach and you're annoyed you're easter in the water or not. and if you're not in the water, you're just sitting there burning up >> seth: if i had to sit anywhere, the last place i would pick is the sand people say go read a book. why can't i read a book at home? >> in the air conditioning >> seth: yeah. and a thing they built for sitting. you know, like a chair, a couch.
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and they say go swimming and you come out and the only thing that's worse than dry sand is wet sand. >> yeah. >> seth: and my wife is like, sop bitching about this in front of the kids. i'm like, kids, do you want to go inside and read books they're like, no >> that's me i think there was some ice cream inside >> seth: you are -- it's kind of one of the interesting things about the category you're nominated in standup specials sort of end up with other variety specials, and you were nominated in the same category as beyonce this year. >> yes, yes. [ applause ] me, beyonce, bruce stripringsten heard of them?
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i always get these crazy categories like one year, it was me, i was up against tony bennett. one year, i was up against the 50th anniversary of the rock 'n' roll hall of fame. like me against rock 'n' roll. >> seth: do you work less on your acceptance speech when you're up against rock 'n' roller tony bennett? >> you go, you know what i'm going to wing it if i win this one >> seth: you were very nice, because i think this happens, people in show business are very -- they try to congratulate other people in their category and let them know we're going to be friends no matter what. even though you were in france, you posted a video to beyonce. >> beyonce, i want to say congratulations on your emmy nomination i know you probably own one of these. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: congratulations on both nominations. thank you nor making the time and coming out here late at night. [ applause ] wanda sykes, everybody wanda sykes "not normal" on netflix. we'll be right back with jose antonio vargas at t-mobile, for $40/line for four lines, it's all included for the whole family, starting with unlimited data. use as much as you want, when you want. and if you like netflix, it's included on us. plus no surprises on your bill. taxes and fees are included. and now for a limited time, with each new line, get one of our latest smartphones included. that's right, only $40/line for four lines and smartphones are included for the whole family.
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♪ [ applause ] >> seth: our next guess is a journalist and founder of the nonprofit define america and author of "dear america, notes of an undocumented citizen." please welcome to the show jose antonio vargas [ cheers and applause
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♪ >> seth: welcome to the show >> thank you for having me >> seth: i appreciate you making the time so you have been an undocumented person for 25 years. >> yes >> seth: when you wrote your book, why was it important for you to have "citizen" in the title? >> i won the pulitzer when i was a reporter for "the washington post." >> seth: i feel like you were overlooked for the book. and i'm going to make a big point of it. >> you've got to love america, though i can win a pulitzer but can't get a green card so there's no process for undocumented immigrants like me who have lived here 26 years next month to legalize our status and follow a process. actually, i was watching the debate tonight i started thinking that coming
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on the show, i want to make an announcement i think after tonight, i am deciding to run for president of the united states of america >> seth: all right, yeah why not? >> on behalf of all the undocumented immigrants in the country. i'm totally kidding. the reality is, undocumented immigrants like me can't even vote for an election, much less participate in one >> seth: you showed up when you were 12 years old and didn't realize until you were 16 that you lacked documentation is that it >> came here in 1997 only 13 states allow undocumented immigrants to drive. so i found out when i was 16 there was no google. it's not like i can google this. and isle filipino. and when the media said anything about illegal people, it was always about mexico. by the way, if you see an asian
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looking person with a spanish name, it means they're filipino. so thankfully i was just out of high school, and my teacher said i asked too many annoying questions and should do this thing called journalism. so i found out your name is on a piece of paper so i thought if i can't be here because i don't have the right papers, what if my name is on the paper. if book has a library of congress number. i don't have a green card, but the book is documented, and i'm not. >> seth: that's all right. >> but what is that about? for me, now that immigration is the central top nick this election, there's an opportunity for us to educate people about what the issue is, and what really a lot of the politicians and people in the main stream media are not talking about.
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>> seth: when you read coverage about it, when you watch a debate like tonight, what are people getting wrong >> the number one thing is the fact that there is -- the number one question i get asked all the time is why can't you just get legal? as if all i have to do is flip a switch and poof, i'm an american stealing your welfare. even tonight during the debate, when they talked about undocumented immigrants and health care, undocumented workers like me contribute billions and social security. i have paid so much taxes this past season, i should be a republican right? so we pay into the system that deports and detains us like so what is that about and the fact is, in the media, even now, even "the washington post" and "the new york times" still refer to people like me as illegal. so challenges how news
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organizations and how television shows portray immigrants like me >> seth: talk about define america, and when you started it and how you go about trying to get people to listen >> well, i'm only one story, right? like, if i counted all the undocumented white people that i meet at starbucks -- >> seth: that's where they would hang out >> and they tell me they're undocumented usually we don't talk about undocumented white or black immigrants from africa or the caribbean. the fasting undocumented immigrants are coming from asia. we owe the mexican people an apology for having this issue about latin america. there's like 56 million latin people in this country the majority have been here for decades. i don't know when california used to be part of mexico. to me our goal is how do we get people to get this issue out of
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this border mexican box. and for us, story telling is the way to do that if you're undocumented, if you're white, black, an engineer or a farmer, go to our website and tell us your story and help us get this issue out of this box. >> seth: i'm so glad you're doing that thank you for making the time. it is great to talk to anybody about this issue jose antonio vargas, everybody we'll be right back.
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♪ yet don't let it catch you ♪ i can't feel the heat [ alarm sound ] [ alarhello.d ] what is happening? what is all of this? move! everybody get out of here! why'd they kidnap bunch of normal folk like us? there's no escape. you have no idea what you're up against. [ screaming ]
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that leave therea lasting impression. like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun. you might remember new flavours, or a view that defies all expectations. these are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed. tomorrow night, "late night" is live, with a special post debate edition and guest chris hayes. head over to i-tunes to subscribe to the podcast
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g here's one you guys will like.
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♪ >> seth: my thanks to wanda sykes, jose antonio vargas we'll see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪
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