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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  December 12, 2019 12:37am-1:37am PST

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♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- jack black host of msnbc's "the beat," journalist ari melber, featuring the 8g band with coady willis ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news president trump this afternoon hosted a hanukkah reception at the white house. said trump, "it's hard to believe that hanukkah is already nine years old [ laughter ]
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make a wish, hanukkah. that's right, president trump hosted a hanukkah reception at the white house. it's his favorite holiday because no matter how hard he tries, he can't misspell it. [ laughter ] in a new interview, house speaker nancy pelosi said that she never watched president trump on "the apprentice," and then trump said he never watched her on "golden girls." [ light laughter ] "you were blanche, right?" according to reports, rudy giuliani has reached a divorce settlement with his third wife they opted for divorce after she realized he was difficult to live with, and he realized she didn't have any dirt on joe biden. [ laughter ] according to reports, during a hunting trip to mongolia earlier this year, donald trump jr. killed an endangered sheep even worse, he bored it to death by reading from his book [ laughter ] "time" magazine has announced that teenage climate activist greta thunberg is its 2019
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person of the year when asked what she thought about "time," thunberg said, "we probably have about five, six years left." [ laughter ] a new study has found that a person's narcissistic qualities decline over time, which is weird cause there's like ten 70-year-olds who think they should be president. [ light laughter ] middle school students in florida were forced to evacuate a school bus on monday after a student sprayed an excessive amount of axe body spray as a prank. and then, authorities did the only thing they could -- [ laughter and applause and finally, researchers have found that plants can emit an ultrasonic scream when they're stressed out or in pain. but i don't think it's always the plant screaming. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight
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[ cheers and applause he's a fantastic comedian and actor who you can see in "jumanji: the next level," in theaters and imax this friday. jack black is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause and he is the host of "the beat with ari melber" on msnbc. ari melber is back on the show [ cheers and applause so it's a great night to be here before we get to our guests, the president called the charges against him "impeachment light" as one of his main conspiracy theories about the fbi was officially debunked. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: yesterday, the house unveiled articles of impeachment against a president for only the fourth time in history now, if you were worried about getting fired and you were trying to prove that you were, in fact, qualified for your job, you might decide to try to behave like a normal, sane person instead, trump decided to go to pennsylvania last night for one of his deranged rallies and do his usual routine of slurring like a lunatic while throwing in some of his trademark sexism
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>> the president of ukraine repeatedly declared that there was no pressure, but he didn't want to say that we said, "say it say it, you crooked bastard. say it." you'd have windmills all over the place if you had crooked hillary. they'd be knocking out those birds left and right those windmills. wah, wah, wah. beto beto [ audience booing remember so, he wanted to get rid of religion the bible. crazy elizabeth warren i give her credit. i thought she was left for - i mean, there were like, just little embers. and then, she rose she rose then she became strong but then, she opened that fresh mouth of hers and it stopped >> seth: she opened her fresh mouth? you sound like the headmaster of a private school called saint misogynist academy [ laughter ] elizabeth warren has detailed plans for things people actuallycare about, like corruption and equality and climate change. your energy plan is that windmills sound like - wah, wah
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[ laughter ] wah. trump is obviously rattled by the fact that he is about to become the third president ever in history to be impeached no matter what happens next, trump's name will be emblazoned in history as one of only three presidents to be impeached, and that will follow him forever they're going to have to put an asterisk next to trump's name on his building with a footnote below it that says "impeached. [ laughter ] now -- [ cheers and applause house democrats decided to exercise restraint and file only two articles of impeachment against trump, despite the fact that they could have filed many more i mean, this guy obstructed justice, solicited a bribe, and was literally identified as "individual one" in a court filing involving an illegal scheme to pay hush money to cover up an affair and we know individual one was trump because the document also said, "individual one began an ultimately successful campaign for president of the united states. [ laughter ] that was in a court filing i mean, think about how crazy that is. that's never happened before it's not like abraham lincoln was ever named in an indictment as "honest man in very large hat number one." [ laughter ]
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and yet trump yesterday actually taunted democrats for not filing even more charges against him by mocking how limited the articles of impeachment were. >> you saw their so-called articles of impeachment today? people are saying they're not even a crime what happened? all of these horrible things, remember bribery, and this and that where are they they sand these two things, they're not even a crime this is the lightest, weakest impeachment -- you know, our country's has had actually many impeachments you'd call judges and lots of other -- many impeachments. but it was on today, everybody said, this is impeachment light. [ laughter ] this is the lightest impeachment in the history of our country by far. >> seth: you're either impeached or you're not. [ laughter ] there's no light version trump's like a drunk guy at a bar on his sixth beer going, "it's impeachment light. now give me my keys.
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause trump needs -- he desperately needs these group therapy sessions with his fawning admirers so he can lie to himself and soothe his ego for example, he also made this ludicrous statement about how the world has reacted to his presidency >> this country is so respected and we were not respected four years ago. we were laughed at [ cheers ] >> seth: dude, it was literally last week that a bunch of world leaders were caught laughing at you -- [ laughter ] in a group chat during the nato summit, including your buddy, boris johnson. and if you're getting laughed at by this guy, you know you are an idiot. boris johnson would be the world's donald trump if there wasn't already an actual donald trump [ laughter ] boris johnson must be so happy donald trump exists. it's like in middle school, when the chess nerd finds out the school has a larping nerd. he's like, "i'm of in fact, today in the uk, johnson dodged questions from reporters during a campaign stop at a dairy farm, by literally
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hiding in a freezer. >> mr. johnson, while you have five minutes, you're live on "good morning britain. could you talk to piers and susanna for me >> i'll be with you in a second. i'll be with you in a second >> yeah, i have an earpiece hear in my hands, ready to go [ light laughter ] right, he's been taken inside. into the freezer >> he's gone into the fridge >> seth: he hid in a freezer although, it's hard to tell with him because he always looks like he was just locked in a freezer. [ laughter ] i mean, if you put trump's hair on jack from "the shining," you would get boris johnson. that is how that looks so as usual, trump's rally was totally detached from reality. in fact, trump went to such lengths to soothe his ego in the face of a historic political reckoning that at one point, he literally gave himself credit for saving people's marriages with an obviously made-up story about how happy people are about their 401(k)s. >> i have so many people that come up to me -- "thank you, sir. my wife is so in love with me because i went up 79% in the
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401(k) she thinks i'm a genius. she always thought i was a total stiff. a dumb, stupid, dope now, she thinks i'm a financial genius, sir. [ laughter ] >> seth: first of all, if your spouse thought you were a dumb, stupid dope until your 401(k) went up, your marriage still has problems [ laughter ] i do wonder where trump got the idea that wives only love their husbands if they have a lot of money. i guess we'll never know [ laughter ] now you might recall that since virtually the start of his presidency, trump has harbored a deranged conspiracy theory that there was a secret cell of treasonous, deep state saboteurs within the government trying to take him down. you know, like an insane person? he is one step away from claiming his aides are actually secret lizard people, when we know for a fact, they're obvious lizard people. [ light laughter ] why else would stephen miller's eyes blink sideways? [ laughter ] trump has continued to repeat this conspiracy theory even though it's already been debunked, including by an
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inspector-general's report on monday and by the inspector-general himself at a hearing today. now you might remember that this whole insane conspiracy theory started when trump tweeted this out of nowhere a few months into his presidency - "terrible. just found out that obama had my 'wires tapped' in trump tower just before the victory. and then, "how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the very sacred election process. this is nixon/watergate. bad (or sick) guy. [ laughter ] that was march of 2017, remember when we thought that was the craziest thing a president ever said [ light laughter ] we were so young [ laughter ] also, i love trump's parentheticals "bad (or sick) guy." it's like a choose your own adventure book for insane people [ laughter ] if you think obama was good, turn to page 10. if you think he was bad, turn to page 27. and if you think he's sick, i'd like to offer you secretary of agriculture. [ laughter ] trump's about to face a historic political reckoning for a simple reason - he abused his power, he tried to cover it up, and he got caught and now, his only move is to spin dark fantasies of subterfuge and paranoia to scare his base and keep them in line but sometimes, he even undercuts
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himself. at the rally yesterday, for example, he told his fawning admirers that democrats were trying to overthrow the government, simply by following the impeachment procedures laid out in the constitution. but in the next breath, he told them it wasn't that big of a deal >> the radical left democrats and the failed washington establishment are trying to erase your votes, nullify the election, and overthrow our democracy. not going to happen. don't worry about it i wouldn't lose too much sleep over it. >> seth: if we're not supposed to worry about it, why are you telling us he's like a dad at a campfire who realizes his spooky stories are scaring the kids so he pulls back "they say these woods are haunted by a killer in a hockey mask who waits for little children to go to bed so he can chop up their bodies but now that i think about it, he was arrested and he's in prison so - [ laughter ] you know, it's fine. just forget daddy said that part don't tell mommy i said that part." it turns out, of course, that the conspiracy theory was insane and onmonday became official when the justice department inspector general released his findings
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it said that while there were serious errors with parts of the russia investigation, it was both valid and justified the only thing republicans have been able to hang their hat on is the fact that two fbi agents sent text messages to each other disparaging trump. even though there were also fbi employees who sent pro-trump and anti-hillary messages. and yet at the hearing today, gop senator lindsey graham selectively read the anti-trump messages out loud for everybody to hear. >> february the 12th, 2016 "oh, he's --" trump -- "abysmal." march 3rd, 2016. paige, "god, trump is a loathsome human. strzok, "oh, my god, he's an idiot. march 16th, 2016 "i cannot believe donald trump is likely to be actual serious candidate for president. july 16th. we're getting closer to when this thing opens and "wow, donald trump is an enormous douche. [ laughter ] again, a lot of people agree with that. >> seth: those messages don't prove anything you can't go anywhere in the
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world without hearing opinions about trump. i'm pretty sure there are people stranded on deserted islands in the bermuda triangle putting rocks together that say, "trump is a douche. [ laughter ] think about how weak the president's position is. he's been reduced to arguing that being impeached isn't that bad because it's impeachment light, and now his key conspiracy theory claiming the whole thing was a hoax has been officially debunked by the justice department inspector-general. at this point, the only way things could get worse for trump is if the house passed a third article of impeachment calling trump -- >> an enormous douche. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with jack black, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks," be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. ♪ running out of gift ideas seeking something more. ♪ ♪ well if inspiration's what you're searching for... ♪ ♪ ♪ follow me to pl ♪ so you can check
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause joining us again tonight on drums, he's a member of heavy rock duo, big business, the murder city devils and also played with rock icons the melvins. check out the latest release from big business, "the beast you are. coady willis is here, everybody. thank you so much coady. [ cheers and applause our first guest tonight is a talented actor and grammy award-winning musician you know from such films as "school of rock," and "kung fu panada" and the band tenacious d he stars in "jumanji: the next level," which opens in theaters and imax friday. let's take a look.
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>> this is a dangerous place crazy dangerous, but martha and i, we've been here before. we know what we're doing you got to stay alert all the time if i'm near water, i got one eye on the water you hear me? you've got to have eyes in the back of your - [ scream ] >> oh, god >> what in the sam hell just happened to him? [ scream ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show, the one, the only, jack black, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause
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♪ [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause >> thank you >> seth: whoo! >> thank you >> seth: nobody -- >> oh! >> seth: nobody makes an entrance, like jack black. you okay, bro? >> i had -- and i did a -- [ laughter ] i was going to rock with the band - [ laughter ] to kill some time cause i don't have anything to say >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i was like, "don't worry -- let's just rock with the band, sing about seth meyers and i didn't have a mic though >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i got over there and i just started singing. could you hear any of the lyrics >> seth: no, we didn't hear anything [ laughter ]
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were they some pretty -- were they pretty -- ♪ seth meyers he's not a lia >> seth: see, these are really good lyrics. ♪ something and man is on fire [ laughter ] >> oh! >> seth: you just didn't think it through you left out some of the details before you got into it >> i miss you, man how have you been? >> seth: i've been really good [ laughter ] i miss you it's always great to see you >> you're crushing it out here i love your work [ laughter ] >> seth: let me give you -- let me let you take a little bit of a breather just to show that this is not something -- this is not just a one-time thing. this is the premiere of "jumanji" and you brought it for that red carpet as well. >> i do. [ cheers ] >> seth: this is a man who is getting a lot of height, in front of the rock no less. look at that [ laughter ] >> it's true >> seth: you had some rest time. you found some time for yourself, so - >> i did [ laughter ] i took a little breather >> seth: are you - >> when you go that hard, you have to take a breather. >> seth: you have to take a breather [ laughter ] your children -- we were talking backstage. >> yeah. >> seth: you got a decade on me with your kids they're 13 and 11 and where they psyched? did you bring them did they like the premiere
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>> will i be out of breath all the way through this segment is the question [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> will i catch my breath before we cut to commercial [ laughter ] and the answer, i'm afraid, is no [ laughter ] >> seth: you're -- ♪ seth meyers he's not a lia oh mama mama my back on fir [ cheers and applause i didn't work out -- thank you. i didn't work out the second half of that stanza. >> seth: yeah. >> something, something. >> seth: you put four -- you need -- you need, like a fourth rhyme >> what were we talking about, my boys? >> seth: yeah, your boys [ laughter ] were they a fan? did they, like -- are they proud to see their dad on the big screen >> they are fans, but they are reluctant fans >> seth: okay. >> they're at that age, 11 and 13, where they're like, everything i say and do is but, i think that's natural. >> seth: yeah, but it must be hard because i think a lot of dads, like never were cool >> yeah. >> seth: you were cool [ laughter ] like, it must be hard for them do you feel, like they don't fully understand >> i know that they love me. >> seth: yeah.
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>> underneath their teenage angst. [ laughter ] >> seth: right >> and they did have a blast at the premiere >> seth: uh-huh. good [ laughter ] >> and my boy -- my oldest boy, sammy, said, "i'm going to review this movie. he reviews a lot of movies and he puts them on his instagram. >> seth: okay. >> and i said, "sammy, you do not have to review i'm in it. it's gonna be weird if you review a movie your dad's in." he's, like "no, no, i really liked it i'm going to give it an 8.5. >> seth: wow >> and i was like, "that's certified fresh. >> seth: that's not bad, yeah. [ laughter ] >> but i was like, "if you're gonna review my movie, can't we get it up to a nine? [ laughter ] a 9.2? >> seth: does he get nines are there a lot of nines >> oh yeah, "joker" got a ten. >> seth: oh, so that's rough >> and i know what you're thinking, how could you let your 13 year-old see "joker" that's bad parenting and i say, it was genius. it was - i enjoyed it and my boy loved it sometimes i do the wrong thing >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] and you don't beat yourself up for it >> i do beat myself up for it. >> seth: yeah. >> parenting is hard you're always wondering if you're blowing it. >> seth: yeah, did you -- when you walked out of "joker" after
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it was over, did you have a moment of, like maybe let's not let mom know about 'joker' [ laughter ] >> there was a moment during the movie and those who saw it probably know which part i'm talking about where i was like, "i hope that tanya never sees this movie - [ laughter ] and sees what i've exposed my --" yeah, cause there's definitely possible trauma that could take place. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> if you take a kid to that movie, but - >> seth: you got to take your kids because of filming "jumanji," you got to take them to hawaii, yeah? >> yeah. >> seth: did they enjoy that did they have a good time? >> yes, the boys had a blast well, you know, the new "jumanji," we got a lot of locales. >> seth: yep >> in the first one it was all jungle and it was in hawaii. we shot in the jungles of hawaii >> seth: yeah. >> you don't think of jungle when you think hawaii, but in the center of the island, there was a lot of jungley places and -- [ laughter ] and so, they could have come to any of the locations cause we went snow this time in canada. we went to the desert dunes in new mexico, but they wanted to come to hawaii and we partied at the -- there's, like some water
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slides at this one -- oh, who cares? [ laughter ] [ applause ] i got tired in the middle of that story >> seth: you lost it you started thinking about how sweet it must have been to be on a water slide. you don't have to talk at all. you're just on a sweet tube, letting gravity do the work. >> just go crazy with the scissors later and just edit this into one streamlined segment. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] just where you're just like popping from story to story. hey you just -- tenacious d. i'm a huge fan of the d. >> yeah. >> yeah, we do have some love in europe we played in england we played two nights at wembley -- not the stadium in the smaller one - arena, still >> seth: okay, that's still -- >> pretty good >> seth: yeah. [ cheers and applause >> and yeah, we're getting ready to go back to europe in february >> seth: you did -- jack white just produced a "d" song >> yes >> seth: how was that? >> that was exciting because we were going across america and we had a show coming up in nashville, which happens to be
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jack white headquarters now. >> seth: yep >> and he sent us a message saying, "hey, if you're coming through nashville, do you want to come to record a song at my studio?" and we we're, like "hell yeah, we want to party with jack white." and we were freaking out though cause we were, like "what are we going to play? let's write a song about how freaked out we are about rocking with jack white. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> so, it's like a song about anxiety called, "don't blow it, kage." [ laughter ] it's available on itunes [ laughter ] we're very pro >> seth: and did you feel good once you got in the room it was a good -- it was a good vibe being there with jack >> it was surreal. i highly recommend it. if you get a chance to party with jack white. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, in nashville, no less >> yeah. >> seth: do you remember the first song you ever wrote when you were a youngin >> god, yeah you know, the first song was a song -- well, we were trying to write the best song in the world. it was me and kyle we were sitting down and just thinking, what can be the -- there was something about the greatest and the best. it was very --
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>> seth: i think it's really amazing, the way you guys decided to start [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: was by writing the best song in the world. [ laughter ] >> well, we -- and we tried. we tried for months. >> seth: yeah. >> lots of stoney sessions on the stoney stone couch [ laughter ] and then we realized we can't. it's impossible. [ laughter ] let's just write -- let's write a tribute to the greatest song in the world and that's what - >> seth: yeah, make it very clear. [ applause ] >> yeah. >> seth: you made it very clear. >> thank you >> seth: this is not - >> that's right. >> seth: this is not the best song in the world. >> and weirdly, it's still the best song we've ever written [ laughter ] >> seth: that's so - >> right out of the gate we hit it so hard. it was hard to top >> seth: yeah, that's -- i mean that's like a blessi >> yeah. >> seth: that you hit you're best one ever and then you just chase it i hear heroin is very similar to that, yeah [ laughter ] yeah [ laughter ] >> no comment. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, we were talking backstage, when you -- one of the times you hosted "snl," you were in the film "king kong." >> yeah. >> seth: peter jackson movie, "king kong," and your monologue at "snl" was a song -- a rock song about "king kong. >> yeah. >> seth: that the premise being that you had wanted it to be the
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theme song of the film and now my son -- his grandfather told him about "king kong" and empire state building >> oh. >> seth: and now, my son -- i played him that song and so, now he actually thinks that's genuinely a "king kong" song [ laughter ] which is basically - >> that's awesome. ♪ king kong where did we go wron >> seth: that's all. [ laughter ] ♪ fighting the vietcong king kon [ laughter ] >> yeah, i had a blast "snl," man >> seth: yeah, we had some good times. >> good times. yeah >> seth: we had some very good times there. you -- [ laughter ] >> steve higgins >> seth: steve higgins wrote that, yeah >> steve higgins helped co-write that - >> seth: he helped you write that out >> yes >> seth: jeff richman. there were some good people involved in that song. >> yeah. >> seth: you -- i know that you're a little bit of a -- you like to stay informed on the news, but like a lot of people, maybe it's a little bit too much right now. >> it's so much. i mean, yeah, like most people, i tuned into nbc my watching of that channel, like went up significantly when the new administration took over, and it felt like the end of the world was happening and i wanted to watch the collapse >> seth: yeah.
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>> with rachel maddow and everybody on the channel then, it started to get longer, and longer and i started watching from noon until literally 8:00 p.m., this power block of nbc [ light laughter ] and now, when i turned it on with these impeachment hearings, i get so depressed with these, like -- these ferocious republican, like lap dogs, just defending the president. that, they're so good at it. they're like, you know, these lawyers with knives and our guys are like trying to play by the rules still. i'm like, "get your knives out!" [ laughter ] "let's fight dirty they're fighting dirty!" [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: and so -- >> and so, now i just -- >> seth: you found peace though. >> now, i just turn the channel and i just watch "the price is right. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] and you find that, that zens you out? [ laughter ] >> because -- but you -- it's so essential to let the steam out and find the humor in the situation cause sometimes i'm starring at it and i just feel like this dooms day scenario it's like a post apocalyptic universe we're hurtling towards and then i'll turn into
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seth meyers, and i'll be like, yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, that's very kind to hear [ laughter ] >> find that kernel, that nugget of comic wisdom. >> seth: i feel the same way about when i sit down with my family to watch "jumanji." [ laughter ] >> oh yeah [ laughter ] >> seth: i know i'll be safe the worst thing that will happen is a snake will eat my friend, jack black [ laughter ] but, then he will be spit out and he will be fine. >> come, take me, snake. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you so much >> i love you. >> seth: thank you so much for everything love you, too. >> great to see you. >> seth: thankso for being here. jack black, "jumanji: the next level" in theaters and imax friday we'll be right back with more "late night. [ cheers and applause ♪
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here, it all starts with a simple... hello! hi! how can i help? a data plan for everyone. everyone? everyone. let's send to everyone! wifi up there? uhh. sure, why not? how'd he get out?! a camera might figure it out. that was easy! glad i could help. at xfinity, we're here to make life simple. easy. awesome. so come ask, shop, discover at your local xfinity store today. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: hey, guys ari is going to come out in a minute but before he does, if you don't mind, there's something that has been bothering me that i just feel like i need to get off my chest. so, this morning, i go down to my coffee place and i ordered my morning doughnut which is supposed to be 75 cents. but with taxes it comes out to $1.01. and i didn't have a penny. and i'm sorry. but i have to say this, it is
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time to get rid of the damn penny. >> at this point in the broadcast, seth launched into a 60-second obscenity laden tirade about pennies and how they are a useless type of currency network policy prevents us from broadcasting his comments, but due to a technical issue, we were forced to air this portion of the show. in short, seth believes pennies are just shiny orange trash and the only thing they're good for is scraping gum off his shoes. he went on to say, "pennies cost more to make than they're actually worth, much like my potato dolls." he then proceeded to pull out two small potato dolls and place them neatly on his desk. [ light laughter ] he identified them as beatrice and buxbaum. he said they were to be treated as his children. seth then said, "if you're going to give me a penny for my thoughts, i'm only going to give you a thought that's worth a penny. for example, i think grapes are jealous of raisins for their skinny bodies and effortless california vibe. he then took aim at the take a penny, leave a penny tray. saying, "if we're taking and leaving things arbitrarily, why not take a sandwich, leave a soda take a sweater, leave a shoe
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take a rolex, leave a fish." at which point a man in the audience replied, "someone took my rolex earlier today was it you?" to which a guilty-looking seth said, "i would never." to which the man replied, "then why am i wearing this fish around my wrist. to which seth said, "maybe it's one of those fish that tells time." at which point the man asked the fish, "do you tell time? at which point the fish replied, "hey, it's 5:00 somewhere, baby." to which seth and the man both heartily agreed and then proceeded to crack open a couple of tallboys. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause he then pulled out different coins and began voicing controversial opinions about them of the quarter, he said, too big and too fat. get your ass to the gym and we'll talk of the dime, smaller than a penny but worth ten-times more dude must have a huge dong [ laughter ] he then lifted up a nickel and said, "nickel is perfect nickel is all. he then kissed the nickel and
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asked the audience not to tell his wife seth then declared that picking up pennies wasn't actually good luck adding, "just look how it turned out for abe lincoln. dude is on the penny and he got shot in the head by some incel in a theater." at which point the real live abraham lincoln approached the desk and said, "actually the bullet went in one ear and out the other. i'm fine." to which seth replied, "oh, my god, i'm so glad you're alive. seth then asked lincoln why he always wore such a tall hat. lincoln said, "where do you think i keep my snacks?" "you have snacks in there," said seth "why don't you find out for yourself" said lincoln lincoln then took off the hat and invited seth to reach inside which he did but then pulled his hand back quickly saying, "something in there bit me." at which point abe lincoln simply began laughing loudly and maniacally at this point, one of the show's stagehands, kenny coyle, called his wife and said, "honey, remember that dream i've been having, it just happened in real life." nbc would like to ask viewers to
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disregard seth's opinions about pennies as they do not reflect the network's position and do not make any sense we now resume our broadcast. >> seth: because a penny saved is a penny that can kiss my ass. whoo that felt good to get off my chest. [ cheers and applause up top abe lincoln we'll be right back with ari melber and keep the change you filthy animal. [ cheers and applause ♪ apple card. is a new kind of credit card cr eated by apple so it's simple and transparent with a new level of privacy and security. it lives here and here_ on your iphone, and it will save you 6% on holiday gifts at apple; like iphone, apple watch, airpods pro and so much more. ♪ apply in as little as a minute, right in the wallet app. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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control while taking dovato. the most common side effects are headache diarrhea, nausea, trouble sl eeping, and tiredness. so much goes into who i am and ho pe to be. ask your doctor if start ing hiv treatment with dovato is r ight for you. on the economy, a unique leader. mike bloomberg's created over 400,000 jobs. as president, an opportunity economy that works for us. tax fairness -- where the wealthy pay their fair share. education .. affordable college and high skill vocational training so people can succeed in the new economy. economic security .. lower cost health care and affordable middle-class housing. proven leadership on jobs .. to build an economy where people don't just get by they get ahead. i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. ♪ [ cheers and applause our next guest is an emmy award-winning journalist and msnbc's chief legal correspondent. he hosts "the beat," weekdays at 6:00pm, on msnbc and a new episode of his special,
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"impeachment: white house in crisis" airs sundays at 9:00 p.m please welcome back to the show, ari melber, everyone [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> seth: oh my goodness. thanks for coming. you've had a very long day you did five hours earlier in the day, talking about this ig report and the hearings that were happening in front of the senate and then you just finished your own show so thank you so much for making the time >> glad to be on your show >> seth: do you -- does it say a lot about the era we're living in that this much attention is being paid to an inspector-general's report >> yes this is basically the audit that no one would usually read. >> seth: yeah. >> and it was wall-to-wall coverage >> seth: wall-to-wall coverage and what we saw today was a lot of the republican senators were very critical of the way the fbi handled this investigation of donald trump, the lead-up to the investigation. and yet these same republicans
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don't seem that concerned with what happened in ukraine as a lawyer, how have you felt watching their shifting explanations of the president's behavior >> this is why it's such a weird time republicans want to rehash 2016, while donald trump openly asked for foreign help with 2020 so the president went from no collusion to pro-collusion, which is not usually what you do when you get out of the first jam. >> seth: yeah. >> but this is what he's like. so, we're in this split-screen world where one side wants to really distract and focus on the past the other is saying, you have to have accountability if someone's trying to cheat in the next election >> seth: and it did seem like before ukraine happened, the republicans would probably have accused democrats of living in the past and trying to litigate what had happened with russia and how they had interfered in the election so it seems like russia -- i'm sorry, it seems like ukraine was what finally made republicans be like, "you know what, we do want to talk about 2016." >> i think ukraine scrambled everything
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and donald trump admitted in public to what he had been denying for so long, that speaker pelosi and democrats who had been holding back said they had to go forward. and republicans were caught saying, well we don't really want to spend time defending this so let's talk about anything else if you've had a fight with someone, say a loved one >> seth: sure. >> and if you don't like the ground you're on, you kind of go back to old fights >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> and sometimes that's a strategy >> seth: yeah, it's not bad. who do you think -- do you think that donald trump is a worse client or rudy giuliani is a worse lawyer [ laughter ] >> that's a great question >> seth: i mean because you mention, you know donald trump has admitted to what he is now being impeached for, right whereas rudy giuliani doesn't seem to be good. [ laughter ] >> rudy giuliani is so bad at his job that what speaker pelosi and bob mueller couldn't pull off, rudy giuliani is pulling off.
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>> seth: yeah. >> which is getting donald trump impeached. >> seth: it's amazing, right it's amazing -- do you think he's still donald trump's lawyer because he's more dangerous sort of out of the nest or do you think that he's just the last lawyer that will work for him? [ light laughter ] >> look, donald trump has a very recent ex-lawyer in prison >> seth: yeah. >> rudy giuliani is under investigation by the federal office in new york he used to run. there is a lot of problems with donald trump's lawyers and this was the same problem in watergate. it was the white house counsel that everyone remembers, john dean, who was the lawyer. because the lawyers end up knowing the things that almost no one else is allowed to know so think about how much donald trump confesses in public the lawyers know the stuff he hasn't even confessed to yet >> seth: that's amazing. [ light laughter ] the very fact there might be more so obviously, we have two articles of impeachment, right and there has been a lot of talk about is this too narrow nancy pelosi, basically, from the beginning -- not from the very beginning, but once they decided to move forward with impeachment was like, "hey, we're going keep it narrow
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were gonna make it about ukraine. do you think that calculation makes sense or are you surprised that there's not more on the table? >> if you think he did other impeachable things and you're impeaching him, now is the time to list all the things >> seth: right >> so going this narrow is a gamble that doesn't necessarily look like you're being substantive. but the constitution wants, and requires you to be substantive second, everyone understands whether you follow this stuff closely or not, impeachment is a big deal so you can't do the big thing in a small way. you can't throw your biggest party ever and then be like, we're going to keep the music real low tonight >> seth: yeah. >> and so, i do think they risk that problem and ultimately, if you think donald trump obstructed justice the way nixon did towards mueller, how do you not include that >> seth: and one of the things about donald trump is he has historically, because he has had a lot of legal troubles over the years, he likes to settle out of court, right i mean i think people have already kind of forgot that right after he was elected he
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settled a fraud suit about his university, which was a -- there's a term a bull [ bleep ] university. and then -- he just settled -- he just paid $2 million because of a charity of his that misused funds. do you think it's frustrating for him right now that this is a trial that he cannot settle out of court >> you mentioned trump university everyone remembers trump university was a business that gave business advice that went out of business >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> very trump. >> seth: yeah, yeah. a lot of his businesses are actually just fables >> and -- and he ran for president saying, i'll never settle that case and as you point out seth, when he won the electoral college and was actually preparing to become president, he did settle it. donald trump has been running from his day in court his whole life >> seth: yeah. >> whether it was serious stuff, like racial discrimination suits, to trump university, to other suits. he's always running and settling and doesn't want to be held accountable in court it's kind of amazing that by
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ending up winning the election and then doing all this stuff, he now stands about to have the public trial he's always been trying to evade. and that's why even for people who say, where is this all going to go and what does it matter if he ultimately is not removed from office? it's a huge moment of accountability for america, for the congress to say, no, you're now on trial we're going to deal with the evidence and the public to decide what they think of that and donald trump is going to live his nightmare on live television >> seth: a lot of people have said, look, this does not rise to the impeachment standards of high crimes and misdemeanors and we keep hearing this term, high crimes and misdemeanors and obviously -- look, it's in the constitution but what does that mean? because obviously some people say it is a high crime and misdemeanor and other people say it isn't what is that term? because it seems almost purposely vague. >> this is the wild part we all are going to law school together now and so -- most people never have to think about what does high crime mean high doesn't mean high in altitude it doesn't mean high on good colorado pot
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>> seth: yeah right. sure, sure, sure cause most of those -- those are legal now. so they're not even a crimes right yeah >> right that's not -- yeah, that's a low crime, if it is any, depends on the state. but that's what high means to most people. what the founders meant when they said high crime was a high office a crime that involves the of abuse of office or power and that's really important because we talked about, well what if you commit a felony? you know, there's a lot of stupid felonies, seth. it's a felony to put graffiti on a mailbox. that's actually a federal felony any president could do that and not be impeached for it. crime. high crime, abuse office, say hey you don't get this money unless you help me get re-elected or go after my rivals, that's abusing of the office and the constitution has a really smart point here. which is, if you didn't have severe punishment for that, and you have all these high powers, who wouldn't ambitiously start to use them either to hold on to power. that's pretty common, or to make money. i mean, if you could auction off pardons, you could make a lot of money in office. so they put this in.
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no bribery, no treason, no high crimes >> seth: i am always taken with one -- i think everybody who watches your show would know you're a huge fan of hip-hop and you obviously have a show that talks about politics. but you really brought together your two worlds recently and i believe this is the first time these two gentlemen have appeared together on television. bill kristol, conservative columnist, and fat joe [ light laughter ] amd they were on your show at the same time. >> and they look good together >> seth: they look really good together they look like they should have their own show was it fat joe -- was this an observation you made or something you heard from fat joe, that hip-hop has abandoned donald trump and for a long time, donald trump was spoken well of in hip-hop lyrics. >> donald trump was cited in more hip-hop songs than any other living person. and hip hop obviously has had this evolving relationship with him. he used to go on 50 cent's g-unit radio >> seth: really? >> like he used to really hang, yeah but he was kind of a reality show joke back then in a way >> seth: sure. >> who wanted to get any media appearance he could as everyone
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remembers. hip-hop's turned on him. fat joe is really interested in politics and policy. bill kristol is a former bush neocon bringing them together is not something we thought we would do on day one of the tv show, but i think it's great and joe told us, that when he's down in miami people come up to him and they go, "where's bill kristol i saw you guys together on "the beat." so we love that. >> seth: there you go. and hopefully we'll sort of seeing them out to dinner just enjoying themselves -- >> i'll bring them here, if you want >> seth: there you go, next time thanks so much for being here, ari. >> thank you >> seth: i really appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ari melber, "the beat" weekdays at 6:00 p.m. on msnbc. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ♪ at hertz, we know that a change of scenery shouldn't mean a change in standards. that's why - thanks to you - we're rated number one in customer satisfaction by j.d. power.
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[ dramatic music ] this holiday... ahhhhh!!! -ahhhhh!!! a distant friend returns... elliott. you came back! and while lots of things have changed... wooooah! -woah! it's called the internet. some things haven't. get ready for a reunion 3 million light years in the making. woohoo! -yeah!
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kerrygold has a taste so rich it can take you to ireland's lush, green pastures. where grass-fed cows produce rich, creamy milk for a truly delicious taste. kerrygold. the taste that takes you there. [ cheers and applause >> seth: my thanks to jack black, ari melber, coady willis, and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for "lilly singh. we'll see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪
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>> announcer: tonight on "a little late with lilly singh" -- i'm going to fix the recently cancelled victoria's secret fashion show she's also wearing a night guard so she can literally say - >> not going to happen >> lilly: and i'm going to sit down and talk to the very first egot winner to also be the sexiest man alive. john legend. [ cheers and applause hey cal and calvin - we'll be right back in one minute follow u


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