tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC August 25, 2021 12:37am-1:36am PDT
♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight, on "late night with seth meyers." melissa mccarthy and ben falcone. from "mapleworth murders", j.b. smoove. comedian taylor tomlinson. featuring the 8g band with jerome flood ii. d now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight. now let's get to the news. president biden yesterday encouraged americans who have been waiting for the fda to approve the pfizer coronavirus vaccine to go out and get the shot but i don't know something tells me they're going
to find a way to move the goalposts again. "sure, it's fda approved but is it farm to table? something that's suddenly very important to me? following the full approval of pfizer's coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name comernati so now people will start referring to the pfizer vaccine as the pfizer vaccine. it's too late for a rebrand. this is like when your friend comes back from vacation and is like, "actually everyone calls me 'turbo' now." no, they don't you're andrew and you're still kind of lame president biden today met virtually with the leaders of the g-7 countries to discuss afghanistan. and even pulled out of that a little too quickly "all right look, if we're just going to point fingers, i'm going to sign out. arizona senate announced yesterday that third party company cyber ninjas contracted the coronavirus
man, at this rate, we'll never get to find out what didn't actually happen. during his farewell address yesterday, former new york governor andrew cuomo discussed the sexual harassment allegations against him and said he was treated unfairly. yeah, what kind of white man whose dad was also governor only gets ten years in office on his last day in office, former new york governor andrew cuomo issued one pardon, and this is weird. it was for future andrew cuomo [ laughter ] according to a new study, eating one hot dog takes 35 minutes off an individual's life and in a tragic development, competitive eater joey chestnut has passed away in 1756 at the age of negative 227. a five-year-old boy from virginia recen and his mom only turned her back on him for a second. [ light laughter ] and finally, it was announced
yesterday that the grand central oyster bar, a subterranean restaurant in grand central terminal will reopen next month after being closed for a year. finally, it's safe to eat raw shellfish at subway level again. [ laughter ] it's a shoemakher favorite, though it is -- it is a shoemaker -- "i like it low! [ laughter ] i like this -- i like top shelf shellfish way down underground." [ light laughter ] that was a monologue, everybody. we got a great show for you tonight. it's all -- it is all comedians tuesday for you. we're starting with one of hollywood's funniest couples we're so glad to have them both together melissa mccarthy and ben falcone will be here they have a new documentary they made for netflix i'm so excited to hear all about it he is a comic force, and an old friend.e j.b. smoove will be here j.b. is emmy-nominated for his work on "mapleworth murders," which you can find on roku and i can't wait to talk to him as always. and she is a funny comedian, who is starting her new tour taylor tomlinson will be here in studio
but before we get to all that, you guys, sometimes you look at the news and you just, you know, you can't believe the headline for example, i read online recently that minnesota vikings quarterback kirk cousins was considering surrounding himself with a plexiglas barrier at all times instead of getting the vaccine. well, that got me to thinking, i'm getting older. and sometimes i look around, and i don't even recognize the world i'm living in. things are changing every day, and not always for the better. it's time to take a moment to talk about how things were just a little bit more simple - [ laughter ] "back in my day. ♪ >> seth: back in my day, minnesota vikings quarterback kirk cousins wasn't making ignorant comments about vaccines, no, sir. back then, if you wanted to see unvaccinated cousins making ignorant comments, you had to log on to facebook
back in my day, new york didn't have a lady governor, no, sir. back in my day, if a lady was in the new york governor's office, she was probably incredibly uncomfortable and didn't want to be there back in my day, we weren't worried about the delta variant. back in my day, if you were worried about a delta, it was one of those mean sorority girls you went to college with during rush week, those rattlesnakes would walk right up to with a sharpie and circle what was wrong with your body. [ dog barking that's right, rusty. my penis but how did they know? [ dog barking they never saw it. i know that much back in my day, mayim bialik wasn't hosting "jeopardy!" she was starring in "blossom." but she was asking just as many questions. why did mom leave? why won't tony stop drinking should i have sex with vinny girl, shut up. [ dog barking you're right, rusty. six is a terrible name for a child.
back in my day, batman's sidekick robin wasn't bisexual no, back then, the only time robin swung both ways was when he was doing a trapeze act with his close-knit family of circus acrobats and they got it right almost every single time. [ laughter ] batman's gain. [ dog barking back in my day, people weren't getting poisoned from eating cow medicine in an attempt to treat covid-19 turdburgers. back in my day, people were getting poisoned from eating tide pods. man, i sure could go for a couple those right about now [ dog barking well, you actually have had them before, rusty. i just always rolled them up in a piece of cheese first. [ dog barking oh, the things you've eaten that i've rolled in cheese. [ dog growling ] [ light laughter ] back in my day, we didn't need a vaccine to eat in restaurants. back in my day, you'd just stampede up to the salad bar at ruby tuesday's with 100 other filthy animals that hadn't washed their hands and scoop big gloopy piles of room temp
macaroni salad on your plate with the gross communal ladle. and nobody ever caught covid-19. e. coli? sure botulism oh, yeah, we caught botulism everybody loved ruby tuesday but you did not enjoy ruby wednesday [ laughter ] back in my day, rudy giuliani wasn't on cameo. he was on his cousin because she was his wife [ dog barking well, apparently it is legal, rusty. fact is, it's probably the only legal thing he's ever done back in my day, we weren't worried about climate change in fact, we really aren't worried too much about it now. which is why the world is going to end in about, oh, i don't know, eight years. back in my day, we didn't have over 100 degree heat domes in oregon tillamook cheddar! [ laughter ] back in my day if you were getting overheated in oregon it was because you had travel dysentery and you were about to die. but no matter, half your family and oxen already died back in the river when you thought you could just, you know, cock the wagon and float across worst vacation ever.
best computer game though. kids ♪ back in my day, there was no alcohol in mountain dew, or was there? i mean who the hell really knows what's in mountain dew i don't want to know all i know is whatever's in it is less poisonous than cow medicine well, i'm sorry i had to do that but sometimes this greased up grandma -- [ unintelligible ] feels like we probably sent somebody out to get the red kind and they didn't have it. [ laughter ] that would have been a more effective payoff this has been "back in my day. [ dog barking ♪ >> seth: as summer winds down -- sorry, what are these empty heineken cans doing on my desk >> sorry, i had an end of summer desk party last night. >> seth: oh, hey allie what's a desk party? >> what do you think it's a party on your desk. >> seth: yeah, exactly my desk, which you didn't clean up >> i'm here to clean them up and recycle now right now. >> seth: i can't believe you had a desk party, which is totally not a thing, by the way, on my desk and didn't invite me.
>> the desk isn't that big, seth i had to make major cuts to the guest list >> seth: how many people could have possibly come to this desk party? >> everyone on the crew. >> seth: everyone on the crew but not me >> relax we just had heinekens zero zeroes no alcohol here to make amends, i got you a regular lager. >> seth: hm, well, thank you now that's some good desk party heineken [ cans clinking i think you accidentally just threw my jokes away. >> they weren't that good. i wrote them last night during the desk after party >> seth: how many desk parties were there >> seth, i'm going to level with you. there's no such thing as a desk party. it's just called working >> seth: right, i knew that. now get out of here so i can work now that is some good solo desk party. ♪
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♪ >> seth: back tonight with the 8g band, he's a fantastic drummer and founding member of up and coming rock band, floodgate. their new e.p., "fall again," is available now wherever you get your music check out his instagram page @jeromeflood2. jerome flood ii is here. thank you so much for being with us, jerome our first guests tonight are one of hollywood's funniest couples who you know from their films like, "thunder force," "superintelligence," "the boss", and "tammy." they produced the documentary, "bob ross: happy accidents, betrayal, and greed," which begins streaming on netflix tomorrow
let's take a look. ♪ >> bob liked the thrill of watching a new student smile with a fresh new beautiful painting bob would just make them so happy, it's -- it's unreal ♪ it's like, "man, did i do this i couldn't have. "yes, you did. >> there's a lot going on besides painting and i think people are aware of that and they enjoy that >> seth: please welcome to the show, melissa mccarthy and ben falcone. it's lovely to see you both. >> hi, good to see you >> hi, how are you >> seth: so -- first of all, like i said, it's great to see you. melissa, you've been on the show before ben, it is your first time i am so happy to have you guys here together. and together is where you spent most i have to say we kind of really -- we got in there at an amazing time
and at first, when they were like, "you know, would you consider going to australia to work?" i was like, "no! like, "we -- we can't go down to the street i can't move a family across the world. that's insane. >> yeah, we can't go to australia if we can't go to trader joe's >> we're like, "this is nuts we can't go to trader joe's, we can't go to -- and then our 14-year-old is like, "we should leave tonight." [ light laughter ] get me out of zoom classes, we should leave tonight we were like, "wait, let me call somebody." and it was kind of great, you know it's a friendly -- it's a chatty, friendly - >> very midwestern kind of country. >> yeah, so it's like, we're both midwestern, like -- you know, you go down the grocery aisle and you're going to have, like, three full conversations just about random stuff. >> yeah, about bananas "you like those bananas? >> seth: see this is great. i was going to ask if you guys could do the accent now. that was -- it was really good, ben. melissa, i heard you can't do it >> i think -- i think i can do a few things but then any australian is like, "that's awful. i like, "noyr. 'cause they put it o-y-r at the end of the "noyr." [ laughter ] and then i -- i -- we shave with razor blades
>> seth: oh, that's- >> "rise up lights" really fast is, "ah, i've got some razor blades." >> razor blades. [ laughter ] >> max said, "don't move your mouth. >> seth: this is very, very helpful. hey, i want to ask this, when you guys -- when you guys travel across the world, or whenever you travel together, because ben, you famously played an air marshall in "bridesmaids." for my money, one of the funniest movie scenes that ever took place on an airplane. when you guys travel together, is it jarring for other people on the flight? [ light laughter ] >> i think they're always a little bit like, "ha, ha!" and they're like -- or they're like, "oh, my god. you guys got married after that?" and i was like, "well, we were married. they were like, "right." >> one time a drunk guy did say, "hey, you going to keep us safe?" and i was like, "yeah. you know i'll try to. and he goes, "seriously. are you are going to keep us safe?" [ laughter ] i was like -- you know, what do you say at that? i was like, "it was -- it was a movie. [ laughter ] >> seth: you mentioned you are both midwesterners
and -- and i was aware that you guys met working together at the groundlings in l.a but then you actually hadn't met then you had met back when you were growing up in -- in illinois >> we had had an encounter i think i can call it that which was -- i've never called it that. >> ooh >> seth: ooh we're breaking news here >> it's getting very nighttime we -- i went to college at carbon -- siu carbondale, southern illinois. which is where ben grew up he is three years younger than me so i was a freshman when he was still in high school and when we became friends in l.a., like, a week into it, he was like, "oh, my god! i know who you were. and i was like, "no, you don't you would never recognize me no." and he's like, "no, i did. i -- i -- i -- i think i know who you were." and i said -- and he goes, "no, i was afraid of you. and i was like, "oh, my god. that was me. [ laughter ] >> yeah. but once -- once i mentioned that she struck terror in certain people, she was like, "yup, that was me. because she was very, very goth.
very -- and all my, you know, friends who were at that age went, "oh, my god. i wish my mom would let me dress like her." [ laughter ] >> and really, all i was doing is i was so hot because in southern illinois, in, like, august, to commit to a full-length cape and like, opaque tights, you're digging in in a way that nobody should. so it was just - >> seth: so, ben, the first time you laid eyes on your wife, she was caped. is this what we're hearing >> yeah. it was probably the dead of summer and she had a very heavy cape and kind of a nice -- a nice shade of blue hair. >> and his eyes just went to hearts [ laughter ] >> seth: so you guys started -- i think a lot of us had to find ways to entertain ourselves over the past 18 months you started a movie club with some of your friends a thematic movie club. and you -- like, very much at the beginning of it, because you really charged through a lot of films. >> yeah. >> it started with when we were just like, "we're not -- i'm
just scrubbing fruit all day with clorox wipes. which, by the way, don't do that but in the beginning, i think we were all like -- >> i don't know. how do you -- how -- how clean is clean >> and we were realizing, like, we weren't having any connection to anybody when we were all so, i mean, as we all did. and so we were like, "let's zoom and we'll have, like, friday night drinks with a couple people." and then, literally, they're like, "oh, well, we all know -- let's add a couple people, add a couple people. and ben said -- he's like, "my brain's going to mush. i need to do something i'm going to start and watch every single best picture winner from the academy awards. >> yeah, from -- we decided to start at 1960. and it's that sort of thing, you know, when the pandemic started, we were all going to take piano lessons and learn a bunch of languages. and i'm gonna, "oh, trig you got it trigonometry i got it!" >> i'm gonna get my masters. although, i never got past freshman year in regular college, but whatever. >> but so -- but it actually is -- because -- because it turned into this really fun thing, we've -- i think we watched, you know, definitely over 50 best picture movies. >> no, i think we're into -- we're in -- we're -- past 55 >> yeah, yeah.
it started at -- >> seth: wow is there one that -- is there one you can say, "hey, you probably haven't seen this one it's better than you've heard. you should definitely watch it?" >> ooh there's -- there's a lot of great ones >> i think just remembering how -- like, rewatching things that you've seen so many times but you didn't - and, like, we watched it during the week on our own and then we meet there's a -- there's a q&a >> seth: great >> there are costumes and there are prizes >> trivia component. >> very stupid prizes given. but i think, like, watching "terms of endearment" again -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- watching "kramer versus kramer." >> "in the heat of the night." >> "in the heat of the night." my god >> sidney poitier in that. oh, my gosh. >> seth: all three of those are -- are -- those are all marvel movies. people don't remember. >> yes exactly. >> yes, yes. >> and then -- actually having fun but also people being like, watching a movie and talking about it with a bunch of different filmmakers and actors and producers and writers. like, you don't -- you know. you don't really get to do that since college.
and, like, it's just been -- it's been so fun and -- >> so it's a lot of laughs and you sort of by accident, learn a lot of stuff, too. so it's really fun >> and then there's a few that you're like, "eh [ laughter ] sorry, but --" >> seth: we won't name names but there are some turds in there. >> "patton"? >> seth: there are some turd best pictures. [ laughter ] >> she named a name! >> sorry, but "patton" >> he said we weren't going to name names >> it sucks! he's got toothpaste on his eyebrows >> no, he doesn't. >> oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> seth: so you guys - [ talking over each other >> but you start out in a movie with toothpaste on -- on somebody's close-up. and i'm like -- "i'm out." >> it was not toothpaste >> seth: hey, so you guys -- you've been writing partners for a long time. i don't know, is this the first -- is the bob ross doc the first time you guys have produced a documentary together? >> yeah. >> yeah. it's new >> seth: and so, what brought it about? >> well, you know, i'm super interested in bob ross and have loved him for a long time. and i actually wanted to write a biopic about him half because i'm interested, and half because she's always wanted me to have a perm. so - >> i really do
>> so i was in -- so i did your basic, you know, cursory how -- what do you find -- you know, we no longer go to the microfiche you know, you go just and look on google and like, "all right, bob ross news or whatever. and there was nothing there. so it was really interesting to find -- in this day and age, you can find, i'm sure if we google you, there is zillions of pages of stuff, and you'll be like, "i don't even know what some of this is. but there was nothing. >> yeah. which was just so -- we were like, wait, how -- how can anybody that -- that well known -- you know, for this many years? there is only, like, three small bites of information so just made us really, kind of, start to wonder what -- what is the story there. and then we met these, you know, great documentary filmmakers and they were like, "you know, are you guys thinking of doing anything?" and they -- they had just "lorena," and -- and then, you know, we said, "what -- what about bob ross?" he's kind of -- like, we're currently down, like, this wormhole of, like, what is this story? and they just -- they loved it and they went -- it's such a different ent right into kind of
this, like, investigative research we're going, it's feet on the ground, knocking on doors. it was like -- it was exciting >> and there is a certain poetry to it. because the way that our filmmakers, joshua and stephen, you know, described it to us is they said, you know, sort of something akin to, "you know, the movie reveals itself to you. and i was like, "well, we should do that. [ laughter ] >> that's what i was going to say. >> seth: it really does though and it's -- it is fascinating. like, the way you say it i think we all just assume we know everything about him. and then you realize you don't actually know a single detail other than his hair or that he paints and it's really wonderful documentary because of how much we find out. >> oh, thanks. >> oh, good. glad you like it, seth >> seth: you guys, it is so lovely to see you as always. i wish you the best and hopefully next time i can see you in person. >> absolutely. >> i hope the same thing your hair looks fantastic. >> still great hair! [ blowing kisses ] [ laughter ] >> seth: "bob ross: happy accidents, betrayal, and greed" begins streaming on netflix tomorrow
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♪ >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian who you know from his work on "saturday night live" and "curb your enthusiasm." ham -- >> ham he was killed with ham same right but the spit got caught in my throat you didn't even pat my back to see if i was choking or not. >> there is definitely foul play - >> foul play going on here and so much foul play in this room i can smell it. matter of fact, we've got to vent this room out, 'cause some more foul play might happen. >> seth: please welcome back to the show one of our favorites, j.b. smoove. [ laughter ] >> man
i love that show man, i love it >> seth: and looks like you're shooting season two of "white lotus" [ laughter ] you are always the sharpest looking gentleman in show business, and it remains true today. look at -- even your drink matches your outfit. >> and see how i profiled myself see, i got my -- i told before you about this i got my right leg over my left leg. see? and i bounce it. i just bounce my leg seth, they ought to make full length zooms, you know what i mean that's what zoom is missing. >> seth: oh, i see >> you know how you have the mirror by the front door you get dressed up and before you walk out the door, you look at yourself you turn around. see how your butt looks in your pants and you know, brush the shirt off. got a little lint. and you tuck the collar. you straighten your hat and you walk your ass out the house. zoom needs to do a full length
camera so people can see each other like they're in the same room right now -- i'm from chest up right now. i'm not comfortable. i'm not comfortable at all >> seth: well, i think a lot of people like that part of zoom, because they don't have to put any thought into it. but you are incapable of not dressing head to toe, right? >> incapable inc -- i can't do it i got to get fully dressed now see? i gotta get fully dressed. i gotta be fully engaged in what i'm -- >> seth: can you lift a foot up? can we see exactly what kind of footwear you have? >> i don't have shoes on, but i do have full pants on. see, i got full pants on now i could go in the closet and get a pair of shoes. >> seth: no, no, no. please, sir. no, we would never ask that. >> let's take a walk [ laughter ] but i may -- see, a matching belt now i've got to stand like this so you can see my matching belt, and this is uncomfortable right now to do a whole interview like this >> seth: oh, it's uncomfortable for us to look at it >> yeah, you don't want to see that >> seth: j.b., the last time you were here, we talked about naked thursdays. and, you know, because, again, a man like you who puts so much
thought into his clothes needs to give himself, you know, on whatever -- on the fourth day he rested, let's say. you -- are you still doing naked thursdays? >> of course it doesn't stop. you don't just stop doing naked thursday that's tradition you know, it's like any holiday. it's a holiday, but it's every thursday, you know it's kind of like if you were celebrating easter or christmas or thanksgiving every thursday that's what it is. why not? why not? why not? >> seth: sure, yeah, yeah. >> you can't stop doing the stuff that works seth, when something works, you don't just stop doing it >> seth: no, you don't >> you keep it going >> seth: can i tell you something that's working for me right now? i was in new jersey. i was going through the lincoln tunnel billboard -- big billboard of my friend, j.b. smoove, dressed like julius caesar >> yeah, man it has been a marvelous campaign i'm doing right now, based on the caesar sportsbook app. and i'm telling you, they have loaded me up, man. i have been -- i have embodied
caesar you know, i'm such an authority figure, i feel like. >> seth: yeah. >> my projection my projection. and -- come on now look how can you go wrong with these damn glasses, seth [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's very good. >> and a goblet. [ laughter ] >> i walk around with this damn goblet i've got a damn goblet and then these glasses. >> seth: it's really good, j.b >> it change my posture, too i sit more like -- i sit more upright. >> seth: yep >> and i look around like this see that >> seth: you know how you should look around as caesar? like this. [ laughter ] >> that's later on >> seth: that's later on [ laughter ] [ talking over each other hey, you did -- what >> see this >> seth: oh, yeah. >> this and this see?
down see? see? to the lions see? the tigers [ light laughter ] >> seth: you did "shark week" with our friend brad paisley, who is just -- i mean, if there is a gentleman as fine as j.b. smoove, it's mr. paisley. >> whoo! >> seth: now, is it true that you did "shark week" thinking that you had been asked to do "shark tank" >> let me tell you something, seth [ laughter ] someone like myself, with a ton of ideas, would naturally hear the word "shark," right? and mute the last part i muted it, like -- like a mute button on your phone like, i don't want someone to hear this. i muted the part that said "shark tank" -- "shark week. and i heard -- when i turned it back on, i heard "shark tank." you know >> seth: yeah. >> and i'm loaded with ideas, so i naturally thought that that's where i was going at, man. >> seth: can you give us -- if you were on "shark tank," i'd imagine you're a man who has a few ready to go. [ laughter ]
>> come on, man. come on. let's go first of all, one of my main inventions i think would be fabulous, it is a pizza table. it's called the pizza table. it's a table made out of pizza your whole family sits around it you order the size you want. maybe you want the individual pizza for yourself or the per -- i call that personal personal pizza you've got the medium, the small, and the large and the extra large for a large family >> seth: yeah. >> pizza table, the whole thing is made out of pizza the whole table is edible. the legs are made out of breadsticks. >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] >> thick-ass breadsticks so you eat the pizza part, then everybody gets a leg and they eat the leg too. see? no cleanup no cleanup see? no - >> seth: i mean everybody's least favorite part about pizza is the cleanup [ laughter ] >> people hate the cleanup >> seth: all right, wait, we have to go to commercial and i'm assured in this commercial break everybody will be rushing to invest in pizza
table. >> of course they will >> seth: we'll be right back with more inventions from j.b. smoove. ♪ ♪ last things last by the grace of the fire and the flames ♪ ♪ you're the face of the future, the blood in my veins, oh-ooh ♪ ♪ the blood in my veins, oh-ooh ♪ ♪ but they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing ♪ ♪ inhibited, limited ♪ ♪ 'til it broke open and rained down ♪ ♪ pain! you made me a, you made me a believer, ♪ pre-order now and get up to $200 in samsung credit. ♪♪
♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night. we're here with j.b. smoove. all right, we heard "pizza table. do you have another shark tank for us >> of course i do. this is amazing. this is going to revolutionize relationships. it's called "what i say? it's called "what i say? [ laughter ] it's a app, right? it's a app so when you in an argument, the main thing about an argument is this you didn't say that. you didn't say that. yes, i did yes, i did so it's called "what i say?" and it rewinds your life -- there's a moment, right? it records the last minute or
two of the conversation. so you can always go back. it works the same way as your security cameras in your home. it just naturally stays on and records the argument when -- it has a unique sensor that senses -- an argument about to happen. and it comes on automatically. and you program your app to a certain volume so that if she's yelling from the room, you got to set it from where it's at and then can you go back "i didn't say that." "yes, you did. you hit the button on the app. and it will play back what the hell you just said see? it's called "what i say? what i say what did i say what did i say how did this happen? why are we arguing right now what happened? what did i say >> seth: it's really good, j.b >> isn't that great? >> seth: i want to congratulate you on the fact that you're emmy-nominated for "mapleworth murders. you're -- one of your fellow nominees is the co-creator of the show, our old friend john lutz. but there's also some -- you know, not that you guys
aren't heavy hitters, but you're also in the category with kevin hart, john travolta. pretty good list >> mm-hmm. it's a good list, seth and here's what i'm saying i think john and i, one of us has a great chance to win this >> seth: when you say john, do you mean lutz or travolta? >> john lutz john lutz and i, i feel, have great, great chance to win this. you know, people love -- people love john travolta you know i'm just worried that they -- you know how they give people awards for something they previously did i just don't want this to happen i don't want them to give him this emmy for this show he did based on "saturday night fever." i don't want this to happen. [ light laughter ] i just don't want this to happen it happens all the time. >> seth: yeah. >> you know? it happens they give you an award for something you did previously and i don't want that to happen. i don't want that to happen. or -- or he gets that sweat hog sympathy, you know, from being a damn sweat hog i don't want that either >> seth: no.
i -- come on to the -- if any voters are watching, please, save us your sweat hog sympathy now, i will say -- >> don't do that don't do that. >> seth: j.b., j.b., would you would be honest? would you be honest -- be honest with me. would you be okay if people gave you some leon love like they were like "oh, i loved him as leon on 'curb,' so i'm going to vote for him. do -- will you accept that vote? >> i'll be disappointed. you know, i've been on that damn show six seasons five, six seasons, man i don't need no sympathy award [ light laughter ] i wouldn't -- you know what i would do i would give it to john. i would give it to john if i won it it's john's. take --take it take it! i don't want that sympathy but here's what i recommend. if john should win, here's what i think we should do we're a team on the same show. here's what we should do we should make this emmy like the stanley cup. see? we share it. and we both have it for a certain amount of time and we go on tour it with. and we raise it above our head >> seth: yeah. >> and go places with it because, you know, we -- we won this it's the same damn show.
we on the same damn show >> seth: now this show -- this show was originally on quibi, and now you can watch it on roku did you have roku before "mapleworth" went to roku? >> no, i did not have it all these weird names throw me off a little bit quibi sounds like a small little town in canada somewhere [ laughter ] wasn't it -- it has a ring to it i'm going over to quibi for the weekend. and roku, like it's ten times as hot as a jalapeno like, the roku pepper or something like that. doesn't it sound - it reminds me of something you're not supposed to eat but somehow somebody made it cool you know what i'm saying it's like undigestible so it goes in and comes out the same way you know what i'm saying you can't even chew it you got to swallow it. like -- like a pill. you know that's the roku pepper >> seth: well, i definitely think when they named the app
they were hoping people would come to this conclusion. >> you know what i think they would >> seth: yeah. >> they should >> seth: well, it is -- anything that has j.b. smoove is ten times hotter than a jalapeno. let me tell you that much. >> woo you -- you be -- you know me so well because normally -- i'ma tell you something about you. a lot of times, you know, i feel like you debunk. you are a -- a debunker. >> seth: i'm a debunker? >> a debunker! you know what a debunker is? you debunk somethings that i say sometimes. like you don't believe exactly what i'm saying. >> seth: j.b., i'm going to let you go because we want you to finish that drink. [ laughter ] >> os. you should -- when you hold a drink in your hand, it makes people comfortable you should do that on your show, seth you should have a little cocktail in your hand and always do this. "now, you people know out there -- you know, and then do your whole monologue with a drink in your hand you know
some people say a drink in your hand and one hand down in front of your pants like al bundy. but i think that's too far i think that's too much. [ laughter ] >> seth: "mapleworth murders" is streaming now on the roku channel. we'll be right back with taylor tomlinson ♪ welcome to allstate. where you can pay a little less and enjoy the ride a little more. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ now, get new lower auto rates with allstate. you're in good hands with allstate. click or call for a lower auto rate today. we make sit-down chicken... ...stand-up chicken... ...backyard chicken... ...oops chicken... ...lots-a-time chicken...
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♪ >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian who kicks off her "deal with it" tour september 16th at the pantages theatre in minneapolis please welcome to the show taylor tomlinson ♪ [ applause ] >> oh, my gosh thank you for having me. ♪ >> seth: thank you so much i'm so happy to have you here in person and i'm also happy -- you're from california but you now are spending time living in new york as well. how you are finding new york
>> i am. you know, i miss my car a lot. i'm used to driving -- like, i miss crying in a car that i'm driving. >> seth: sure. >> like, here can you do it, but you're like, "oh, my god, i'm not in control of my life, or even this vehicle. it's very triggering but yeah, my boyfriend lives in new york and is, like, born and raised in manhattan, which i consider low-key child abuse, but -- [ light laughter ] he's like, "if i have kids, we have to raise them here. and i was like, "i'm going to love my children." [ laughter ] but i've learned that, like, when you are single and you're looking for somebody, like you need to make a list of all the things you want in a partner, right? because if you forget to put something on there, the universe is like, "well, technically, you didn't say, so we didn't bring you that." and because he grew up in new york, he cannot drive. didn't even know i had to ask for that thought that kind of just came with the fully grown man [ laughter ]
like, you know what i mean [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, i do. >> i'm like, "what are you going do if there's, like, an apocalypse?" and he's like, "there are lyfts. there are ubers. i said, "what do you think uber drivers are going to be doing during the apocalypse? you think they're going to be hopping on the app, like, 'oh, hell yeah, surge pricing must be because satan is here.'" like, it's just crazy to me. >> seth: you -- when i saw "quarter-life crisis," your special on netflix -- and i feel this is something that is true of me as i get older i become very resentful of young talented people. and i was like, "how is she so good, so young?" and then i felt a little bit better, because you started very young doing standup in churches. >> yeah. yeah, i started when i was 16. that's the only place can you do standup when you're 16, is in church and only if you do an altar call at the end if you end it with like, "and jesus died for your sins." then they're like, "okay, you can do 15.
that's fine. but, like, comedy clubs won't let you perform until you're 18. >> seth: gotcha. >> and even then, it's a little sketchy. >> seth: and so what -- and did you find -- did the material go over well with your church crowd? >> you know, i spent most of the first couple years of my standup career being like very apologetic for just being so young. like, the first joke i ever did, how i used to open sets, is i used to say, like, "i know there is probably going to be like a generational gap here. you know i'm so young like, you guys saw 'titanic' in theaters, i saw it on vhs. like, you cried because jack died i cried because leonardo dicaprio didn't look like that anymore. [ light laughter ] >> seth: would -- so "deal with it" is the new special why are you calling -- the new hour you're touring with, i should say why is it called "deal with it"? >> the new hour that i'm doing now is a bit darker than "quarter-life crisis" was. like, "quarter-life crisis," my netflix special, is a lot about,
like, being in your 20s and, like, it sucks and it's hard because you're in transitionto u suck like, "okay, we know we suck let's figure out what it is," with like a lot of therapy and soul searching and whatnot so i named the tour "deal with it," because it's like dealing with your issues, dealing with your childhood trauma. and also, if you saw "quarter-life crisis" and you come to see me and you're like, "why aren't there more dating jokes? deal with it this is the show this is the show >> seth: you actually talk about and went through what a lot of people did, which is continuing to do therapy during a pandemic where you couldn't be in the room with someone, and having to do it over zoom. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: how did you find that >> well, i started seeing a new therapist during the pandemic. my old one in one of our last sessions told me that when i get close to people, i have a tendency to self-sabotage. and like, i thought that was bull [ bleep ] so i ghosted her. [ laughter ] and i started seeing my current
therapist during the pandemic. so i only recently met her in person and, like, oh, man you have done zoom therapy, seth >> seth: i haven't done zoom therapy. >> oh, it's so fun watching your trauma buffer. it's a great time. watching your issues struggle under the weight of your weak wifi it's really -- it's great. every week i was like, "it's just hard, my dad doesn't listen." she's like, "i can't hear you. you froze. if you're still talking, i'm not getting any of it. luckily i have your credit card information. i'll see you next week." >> seth: you -- we were talking backstage about the timing i felt deeply empathetic for comedians who may be -- the shut down happened right before they were about to tape like, that's the worst, right? you have an hour ready to go and you have to wait so long your special came out right before and somebody might think, "oh, that's bad timing. because a big special comes out, you can then go sell tickets but it actually turned out to be pretty good timing >> yeah, i mean, i was very nervous, because it came out the week before lockdown
so just under the wire and i was thinking, like, "okay, well i guess i missed my moment here." like by the time everything goes back to normal, if it ever does, i -- people will have forgotten that this special even came out. meanwhile, my agents are calling me like, "this is a great time to have a special come out." like seriously, people are trapped in their homes they're watching stuff they wouldn't even consider watching if they could go outside [ laughter ] like, "people are really giving stuff a chance right now." and i'm like, okay i would have hoped this did well without a global emergency but i'll take it >> seth: you saying that makes me realize how many agents probably told clients, "you are crushing this pandemic." >> oh, my god. this one -- "covid's been great for you. [ laughter ] you heard that so many times >> exciting, as we do come out of it, hopefully, that people will be able to go and see you perform again. and you've got a lot of great tour dates in a lot of great cities and thank you so much for being here it's really lovely talking to you. >> thank you so much for having
me >> seth: taylor's "deal with it" tour starts september 16th in minneapolis. we'll be right back. ♪ i'm morgan, and there's more to me than hiv. more love, more adventure, more community. but with my hiv treatment, there's not more medicines in my pill. i talked to my doctor and switched to fewer medicines with dovato. dovato is for some adults who are starting hiv-1 treatment or replacing their current hiv-1 regimen. with just 2 medicines in 1 pill, dovato is as effective as a 3-drug regimen... to help you reach and stay undetectable. research shows people who take hiv treatment as prescribed and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. don't take dovato if you're allergic to its ingredients or if you take dofetilide. taking dovato with dofetilide can cause serious or life-threatening side effects. hepatitis b can become harder to treat while on dovato.
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