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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  September 1, 2021 12:37am-1:37am PDT

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♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers." joseph gordon-levitt writer and director kevin smith, amber and jenny report on the olympics featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. and this is late night we hope you're doing well. how is everybody doing let's get to the news. [ laughter ] new york governor andrew cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment and this is frankly amazing.
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he made the announcement via book that's right new york governor andrew cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment so tune in to cnn tonight for, i don't know, a rerun of "the history of the sitcom" cuomo resigned today after being accused of sexual harassment by at least 11 women and that's not even including the time he sexually harassed all of us. >> seth? >> seth: yes >> i came here today to hang out. >> seth: yeah? >> and i love your monologues. >> seth: thank you >> but can't we just have a conversation about the news? >> seth: sure. >> can't we just be like european >> seth: right >> you know what i mean? because in france, they like discuss things >> seth: oh, i see so you sort of feel like the american way to talk about the news is like joke, joke, joke. >> yeah. >> seth: but you want to just, slow it down >> yeah, it's so like -- it's very like, you know, toxic
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masculinity. you know what i mean >> seth: right >> but let's be -- let's just discuss what's going on. hi, everybody. >> seth: amy poehler, everyone >> hi! [ applause ] i mean, i'm in new york. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm in new york for the summer i love seeing you always and i only get to see you often when we're working together when i'm doing your show. so, like let's hang out. let's take this time >> seth: well, you're in new york and you know, i knew you were coming today but i didn't know we would have governor cuomo resign this afternoon. >> yeah. cuomo. cuomo go-go. >> seth: cuomo - >> cuomo go-go >> seth: go-go >> go-go >> he went >> seth: he went >> he went >> seth: i want to run by some of the ways he says he greets people >> ooh >> seth: and i want you to tick -- there were four he mentioned. >> okay. >> seth: i want you to tick if it's okay or if it crosses the line for you >> okay. >> seth: grip of the arm >> i don't like the word grip. >> seth: yeah, grip is problematic. >> that makes nervous. >> seth: yeah. yeah >> especially, i bruise easily too. so any grip is going to give me a bruise >> seth: yeah. >> and i don't want to remember that i met you, you know what i mean [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, okay. so i'm going to say no to that >> seth: pat on the face >> i don't like the word pat either >> seth: no. i don't like anybody touching my face
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>> you're very particular about your face. >> seth: inside of the mouth is fine, because that's - [ laughter ] i don't like the dry side. but the wet part >> yep the only person allowed to pat my face is my plastic surgeon. [ laughter ] >> seth: at the end to see if it holds -- if it's holding? >> good job. sticks it together >> seth: i think we're good. he's like, i'm going to give it a few pats and then if it holds, you can you go right out >> he's like, there we go. it won't fall off. >> seth: slap on the back. >> well, i have a more positive connotation with that, 'cause that feels irish to me >> seth: right >> but in this case it's italian. >> seth: yeah. i think -- of everything we've gone through so far, slap on the back is the finest >> although, we've all had experiences where we've gotten the, like, angry slap on the back >> seth: right >> from somebody that's like, "good job, buddy." >> seth: passive-aggressive. yeah, yeah >> yeah. >> seth: so here's the one that -- he buried this one >> okay. >> seth: this is the third one he said because this was - >> he mumbled this one >> seth: well, this is the one that was he was sort of -- he was referring to this allegation touch of the belly
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he touched a belly >> oh, that's going to be a no for me, dog. >> seth: that's a no, yeah >> that's going to be a no for me a belly -- >> seth: he touched a woman's belly. >> okay, bellies -- any lady will tell you, a belly is -- you don't -- that's not -- unless you're -- unless you're very proud of your abs. >> seth: right i, as a man, i don't like my belly touched. and i've got like a 50 pack. you know [ laughter ] >> you do. >> seth: it looks like bubble wrap >> well, it looks like a plastic bag filled with 50 beers [ laughter ] >> seth: right >> so -- >> seth: yeah. beer cans. >> beer cans like, that shape yeah belly. you know, when you're a woman -- when you're a pregnant woman, that is a big thing. >> seth: he maybe said stomach i'm now realizing this >> okay, because belly is very different than stomach >> seth: i don't want to -- like, the guy's had a bad enough day. >> okay, but stomach - >> seth: touched, i mean, it's the same part. but he did say stomach >> touched the stomach >> seth: touch a stomach >> yeah, it's gonna be, again, like - stomach is a very forbidden place. few people touch other people's stomachs >> seth: yeah.
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>> unless you're pregnant. and then everyone on the subway touches you on the stomach >> seth: right you're right you were new york pregnant >> i was new york pregnant and people really come at you like - [ heavy breathing [ laughter ] like they really want to get it. they really want to get it >> seth: i'm going to tell you this >> yeah? >> seth: which is a nice thing that i hope happens in the future i would really like -- we're going have a new mayor we're gonna have a new governor. >> right >> seth: i really want them to get along. there are a lot of problems i had with the leadership of this city and this state. but it really bothered me that the governor and the mayor didn't get along >> yeah. i mean, and they can get along new york style >> seth: yeah. >> which is, you know, like tease each other >> seth: yeah. get along "lethal weapon" style. where it's like, you're two different people you know >> exactly, like - >> seth: they were buddy cops in the first act of a buddy cop movie who just never went to the second or third act. >> you're right. it is -- when you have stress in life and a lot of families have a lot of stress right now, you
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don't want to also see your politicians arguing like that. >> seth: yeah. >> that's very true. >> seth: i don't think they liked each other at all. >> no. they didn't like each other at all. >> seth: i think de blasio is super happy today. in a way that's maybe a little -- i think he should try to tamp it down a little >> he's probably given a lot of slaps on the back. >> seth: yeah. >> and he's like, "sorry to hear about this buddy." [ laughter ] >> seth: he's like, "come here, i'm gonna touch some stomachs. >> he's like, "let me see your stomach! oh!" >> seth: hey, while we're talking about politicians, obama birthday party >> i'm so glad i didn't get invited. >> seth: yeah. i thought i was -- and i say this as someone -- >> i would never go. >> seth: i will say two things one, not invited two, such a bad idea to have a party like that. >> if somebody invited me to that kind of cool party, i would be like, no way. >> seth: not the time. >> i'm so glad i wasn't invited. >> seth: all right, real quick, though let's just pretend be honest. i'm going to pretend to be obama right now.
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"want to come to my party? >> sure. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] i want to talk about a new big news story >> all right >> seth: because i think it's the kind of story i want to get your bounce off. >> wait, you have them on cards? >> seth: well, i just wanted to be ready did you hear about the orangutan who -- >> okay. >> seth: all right, so somebody in an indonesian zoo dropped their sunglasses into the zoo enclosure. and then the orangutan started putting them on. have you looked at the photos yet? >> oh, yeah. i have a lot of thoughts [ laughter ] >> seth: so what do you -- you have a lot of thoughts >> okay. accidentally dropped your sunglasses in the enclosure? >> seth: okay, i see where you're going here. >> i don't buy it. >> seth: yeah. >> that -- i feel like somebody threw their sunglasses in to see what the orangutan would do. >> seth: yeah. >> and i think you might know this about me. i respect animals. i love animals that is -- that is a big animal. i don't like when people get
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close to big animals >> seth: right >> i don't think -- i don't even really like zoos, sorry. but, you know, i guess you have to have -- i don't know. what's our zoo take today? so i don't like -- i feel bad for animals in zoos. and i don't like when regular human things interact with animal things. >> seth: yeah. >> so when i saw that, i was like she didn't -- i don't know if it was a woman or man but let's say she. she didn't drop it on, like oops >> seth: you think she saw, like the orangutan doing something else >> yes and then i get worried that the orangutan, that this is like, i have a little conspiracy theory. that like, the trainers trained the orangutan to do that [ light laughter ] i know, i'm sorry. this is what i think about >> seth: so -- wait, so then was the woman a plant who knew the trainer and he is like today is - >> i'm worried to me it feels -- look, we're talking about it [ laughter ] i feel like -- >> seth: i'm worried that now pretty much every zoo in the world, people are just going to be walking up to the orangutans. >> that's what i mean. now people are going to be expecting that it always comes back to i'm afraid that someone is going to hit it with a stick, because
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they're mad at it. >> seth: hit the orangutan with a stick? >> yes i'm afraid i don't know >> seth: for not wearing the sunglasses right >> yes, now the orangutan is under this pressure to be like, "why didn't that one do the cute thing with the -- my iphone that i dropped or whatever. and then they're going to be like, "kill the orangutan. i don't know i don't know but i don't like this story. you know what, there is something fishy about that story for me >> seth: there's something fishy about it >> but i do enjoy -- i do enjoy the orangutan putting the glasses on >> seth: i mean, this one. this picture there's a lot of good pictures but this one he's putting them on upside down >> i feel like that was like, most of the 70s movies we watched. [ laughter ] >> seth: i do. >> was that. >> seth: you know, it's funny, 'cause i think that there's, yo know, a trend of as we get older it's very easy to criticize, like movies today but you're right. most of the movies we watched as kids had a monkey putting on sunglasses >> and you know that i have a -- i also might be a little biased because i have a not a great
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story from "snl" about, i believe it was an orangutan. in a sketch that grabbed -- much like cuomo [ laughter ] grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go when i was doing a fast change >> seth: so it wasn't even during the sketch. >> no. i think jason bateman was the host >> seth: oh yeah, was it monkeys throwing poop at celebrities >> that's right. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and i walked by and it made eye contact with me and it was like -- and it came out of nowhere and grabbed my hand and it wouldn't let me go. >> seth: i remember it kept shaking its head shot at you 'cause he wanted -- [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> seth: he wanted to meet your agent. >> yeah. and i was like, i can't help you. yeah so maybe i -- you know -- i have great respect for animals. and i don't think anyone or any sunglasses should go near them >> seth: no. i feel no peace when i'm in a room with -- >> no. >> seth: i -- we don't have animals on this show anymore >> really? >> seth: because there was a sloth on the show. and i was looking at the sloth -- and it was wonderful. >> yes
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>> seth: i mean, again, it -- you know, seeing a sloth up close. it was a sloth, right? and at some point i was just looking at the sloth and i feel like we made eye contact and what i read from the sloth was him saying, i don't like it here >> yeah. >> seth: you know what i mean? >> yes i feel bad for them. >> seth: and i think they had told him it was a different late night show [ bleep like i think it was dawning on him this wasn't -- >> oh, this isn't what i thought it was he was like, "late night?" i thought it was a different late night >> seth: he goes, "i thought it was like, the genre of late night shows. [ laughter ] i didn't realize it was 'late night', like, in quotes. >> yeah. yeah well, then - >> seth: he was very slow. again, slowly. he was looking for the roots but it was like this [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: and you could tell and that really hurt my feelings i guess it's not really that -- i stopped doing it because i - it was very hard to have my feelings hurt by an animal >> well, yeah.
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>> seth: hey, a fish with human looking teeth was caught off the coast of north carolina. >> i don't buy it. i don't think that's real. >> seth: really? have you really not seen this photo? >> no. this is a real photo >> seth: yeah. will you be honest >> yeah, i'm gonna be -- okay. >> seth: if you think this fish has human looking teeth? >> yes, of course. >> seth: be honest right away. >> that's what it's about, being honest [ laughter ] it feels like horse teeth. >> seth: i think it is more horse teeth than human teeth i agree with you >> what else do we have? tik tok. you engage with tik tok. you love it. >> i do. >> seth: we've talked about it and i will admit that i am not -- >> i'm too old for tik tok, i think, but i love it i love it. >> seth: so people are eating frozen honey have you seen this yet >> that is not on my fyp my fyp is very - >> seth: when you eat frozen honey, it guess it maybe gives you diarrhea >> and why are they eating it? just to see what happens >> seth: i guess to see what happens. >> to get diarrhea >> seth: no, i think the diarrhea is like, uh-oh. >> but why were they eating it in the first place just 'cause why not? >> seth: you're on tik tok hold on. let me see >> let's see what it says. because that is -- that is specific >> seth: guy squeezed a frozen
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bottle with both hands watching the golden goop come out like toothpaste. then he took a big sticky -- >> okay, so it's an asmr thing where they're like, check out how cool it looks. >> seth: yeah. >> it also gives you diarrhea. >> seth: yeah. >> most cool things do >> seth: yeah. i think if there's any message we give to the kids -- >> yeah. >> seth: what do you - >> i mean, i feel like -- and i think a lot of people can relate to this. my for you page, tik tok for you page really does tell me where i am, mentally >> seth: oh, mentally. and what does it currently - >> right now there is a lot of like sad stuff right now i got -- i got to put a little pep in my step i can tell that if i'm low level depressed by the fact that i'm watching too much tik toks of like, you know, soldiers and their, like dogs they lost in war and stuff. and i'm like i need to get back to some -- >> seth: yeah. >> honey >> seth: you know what i wasn't watching it on -- i wasn't watching it on tik tok. but i feel like this would be something you'd love a great deal the best thing that happened in the olympics was watching families watch - >> oh my god incredible >> seth: i mean, the best. >> incredible.
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>> seth: it's weird to realize, like, i'm now -- i feel bad for the actual athlete who is doing all this work and yet i want to watch the people watch the athlete. >> and i know that there must have been such a sad moment when the families couldn't be there in person to see i can't imagine. but to watch like the hmong community, suni lee's family together, who like supported her gymnastics and they got to be together like being in that crowd and that must have been -- >> seth: and there was the swimmer from alaska, the same thing. just, you know, the community. >> yeah. >> seth: also it's really fun to watch people, like, like a group of people that are pounding and urging someone on. >> yeah. >> seth: you've seen this. there's a lot of talk about celebrities not taking showers >> oh, yeah. >> seth: you are following this? >> yeah, i have seen that. >> seth: gyllenhaal not showering a lot. dwayne johnson, has come out, three showers a day. >> three a day >> seth: yeah. >> well. i mean, there is a lot of body
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to wash on dj. >> seth: a lot of rock >> a lot of rock i feel like i want to get judge judy's take on that. >> seth: okay. >> i feel like whatever judge judy says i would agree with >> seth: you would just see the decision >> yeah. i always agree with her decisions for the most part. but if she said, "like who cares? shower whenever you want." i'd be like, of course and then if she said, "shower every day you crazy person." you know, i'd be like, judy is right. >> seth: yeah. >> so i don't have a strong -- i don't have a strong opinion. >> seth: what do you think judy would say if cuomo touched her stomach? [ laughter ] do a judge judy for me as cuomo touching her stomach >> i'll tell you something about judge judy that i think she would want everyone to be reminded of. she keeps it tight >> seth: yeah. >> so her stomach is incredible. whoever is touching it, she has the cutest little chassis. judy looks -- judy, you look fantastic.
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and i don't know what she's doing. but damn she keeps it tight. that's neither here nor there. but what would she do if cuomo -- oh, boy. this feels like a fun short film we can make. i don't know probably be like -- "what are you nuts?" >> seth: i think she would just like hit him back in the stomach. >> yep yep. or maybe she would have a gavel. >> seth: oh, a gavel >> she'd gavel him >> seth: yeah. >> she'd get him right in the gavel. >> seth: she'd wait until his hand went back on a hard surface. >> and then she'd gavel the hand [ laughter ] either way, either way he would owe her $250 for legal fees. >> seth: well, i think if anything we really put a bow on the andrew cuomo ownership >> yup well, what a day what a day for him and thank you. you know, you guys are always doing your great jokes here and they're always great but i mean, wasn't this exciting to have a conversation about the news >> seth: it was. i feel like i know -- i feel like more -- i think the audience at home will feel more enlightened as well.
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>> yeah, and i mean much like, you know, like it's nice to have uninformed uneducated people come by who don't really know the news >> seth: yeah. >> but have strong - >> seth: well, i think, yeah, for the people who are watching this who don't live in new york, like this is what it's like. >> yeah. >> seth: it's the uneducated and uninformed taking up oxygen and sharing their opinions >> yeah, but you're usually in the line at a deli >> seth: yeah. >> and there might be somebody -- somebody on the floor asleep >> seth: yep >> too >> seth: and then maybe one person not wearing a mask can causing a bit of a hubbub. >> yeah. i'll tell you something. i know this is going to be weird. but my for you page on tik tok has a lot of people on airplanes getting taped up >> seth: yeah. duct taped on a plane. how do we feel about duct taped on a plane >> okay. and this is going to be weird. i enjoy being squeezed and compressed i like it. >> seth: yeah. >> so there is a part of me, i do not want to say anything that
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would make me get duct taped >> seth: yeah. >> but could i request to be duct taped [ laughter ] because i would feel so good in it if i was all smooshed in [ laughter ] i would like the feeling but i don't want to have the behavior >> seth: yeah. >> so i'm hoping there is going to be -- >> seth: i like the idea they would land and then like the cops would run on the plane and they would see you and the stewardess would have to be like, "no, no, no, she asked it's him." >> she paid extra. >> seth: she paid extra. >> i would love to get a gentle duct taping with like a beautiful duct tape. like that doesn't hurt when it comes off. >> seth: right, right. yeah, yeah >> and a quiet duct tape like a lavender duct tape. and they're like, "don't bother her. she's duct taped." im like, i'm sorry i wish i could talk. but i'm duct taped to the seat but, no, that's not good that's not good. that's not good behavior but you know, one man's treasure is another man's duct tape [ laughter ] >> seth: well, we've got a great show for you tonight >> all right then. >> seth: he's an emmy-winning actor you know from films like "inception" and "the trial of
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the chicago seven. he created and stars in "mr.corman" on apple tv plus do you know who i'm talking about? >> jo go lev >> seth: we'll be back right joseph gordon-levitt and he's a director, writer and actor whose new show "masters of the universe: revelation" is on netflix. our friend kevin smith will be right here we'll be right back with amber ruffin and jenny hagel reporting on their trip to the olympics >> oh, can't wait! ♪ you know how some carriers give you so little for your old or busted phone, you just end up living with it? i don't think so. verizon lets you trade in your broken phone for a shiny new one. you break it... we upgrade it. you dunk it? crash it? yikes. doggy bone-it? ha-ha! slam it, wham it, strawberry jamit? we upgrade it! every customer. current, new or business. up to $800 for the 5g phone you want. because everyone deserves better. put my phone in the washer... and the dryer. give every morning a fresh start with a jimmy dean delights breakfast. they're chock-full of protein and ingredients you want. from wraps to bowls.
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>> seth: welcome back to "late night. the closing ceremonies of the tokyo olympics was sunday night, marking the end of the most unique olympics ever two of my writers, amber ruffin and jenny hagel, traveled to tokyo for the olympics and they're here with a recap. please welcome, jenny and amber. >> hi. >> hey, seth >> seth: welcome back, guys. so what are the takeaways from tokyo? >> seth, everybody is talking about how the u.s. won the medal count. >> but what no one is talking about is the u.s. women's medal count. >> yeah. u.s. men won 41 medals, not bad. >> but the u.s. women won 66 medals. >> the u.s. women alone won more medals than great britain. >> that's the most embarrassing thing to happen to england since the oprah interview. [ laughter ] >> if american women broke off and became their own country, they'd be fourth in the medal count. >> plus, i bet that country would have subsidized health care >> this is molly seidel. she won the bronze medal in the women's marathon >> it was only the third
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marathon she had ever run in her life you know when the first one was? at the olympic trials. >> this woman was a barista at a coffee shop and she was like, "i think i'll go to the olympic trials," and she did and then she medaled. >> if i was a barista, i wouldn't even be able to medal in getting your order right. >> this is ashleigh johnson. she helped the u.s. women's water polo team win gold by blocking 11 shots on goal in one match. >> she successfully blocked 11 goals >> i haven't successfully blocked 11 spam calls. >> and this is allyson felix last week, she became the most decorated olympic track athlete in american history. >> and she did it while setting up a fund to provide childcare for female olympians with kids >> this woman went to the olympics, took care of business, and then also took care of like ten other people's kids. >> also, allyson felix won two
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olympic medals after she had a baby after i had a baby, all i could do was this. [ laughter ] >> the ladies of team usa crushed it these women won medals >> these women won medals. >> this woman won like 300 medals >> even the women who didn't medal kicked ass amber and i went to the women's skateboarding finals, where the winners were 13, 13, and 16 years old >> but you know who came in fourth a 34-year-old american woman that woman was only eight years younger than the other three girls' ages combined >> a 34-year-old woman went to the olympics and did this. ♪ >> i can't do that and i'm 34 >> seth: you're 34 >> yes and i have been for several years. >> look, the point we're trying to make is that team usa did great!
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but they did so in large part because of the hard work and talent of american women >> and also probably because we were there >> seth: that's fantastic. can you give us some more highlights >> sorry, we can't we have bobsled practice >> seth: what? >> beijing is in like five months and the way things are going for american women, we figure we can at least get bronze. >> seth: amber and jenny, everyone we'll be right back with joseph gordon-levitt ♪ ♪ music playing. ♪ there's an america we build ♪ ♪ and one we explore one that's been paved and one that's forever wild but freedom means you don't have to choose just one adventure ♪ ♪ you get both. introducing the all-new 3-row jeep grand cherokee l jeep. there's only one.
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♪ >> seth: we're so excited to have fred armisen leading the 8g band for us this week anything new with you, fred? thanks for the update. you never cease to amaze our first guest tonight is an emmy award-winning actor you know from films such as "inception," "snowden" and "the
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trial of the chicago seven." he created, directed and stars in "mr. corman." new episodes are released fridays on apple tv plus let's take a look. >> i love costco hummus. >> josh? >> what? >> do you see how much time they let him have on that thing it's not okay. see his eyes it's scary >> you played just as many video games when you were his age. i mean hours sitting in front of that screen. and you turned out fine. >> did i >> are you done? >> what, i'm just concerned for him. >> no, you are not concerned for him. >> what makes you say that >> you've always had something against david. >> i don't have anything against david. he's just a bad person >> he is seven >> yeah, but you can be a bad person when you're seven doesn't mean you'll stay a bad person >> seth: please welcome back to the show joseph gordon-levitt. how are you, joseph. >> hello, i'm well good to see you, seth. >> seth: thank you for joining us from halfway around the world. you're in new zealand right now. and you have been for a better part of this year. >> yeah. very grateful to be here i feel like i won the lottery getting to be here in new zealand.
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if you don't know, they handled the virus here it's a huge testament to the people of this country they're team players, the kiwis. >> seth: i have heard from a few people who have been lucky enough to be there and that seems to be the report i know you have young kids with you as well. are they enjoying it >> oh, yeah. i mean, i get to take my boy to school every day like i said, it's so, so lucky to be here you know, my work got to bring me here and my whole family is just grateful every day. >> seth: so this is a really cool show. you created it, directed, star in it. and very personal as well. what was the sort of beginnings of this idea >> well, so "mr. corman," it's about a person who has a lot to be grateful for. and, you know, who's doing his best to be happy but just isn't happy all the time and, you know, in the second episode, he has a full blown anxiety attack so it's a lighthearted comedy. and, you know, there's - there's a lot of talk nowadays
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about mental health, which i think is really a good thing there's historically been a stigma people going through anxiety, don't want to talk about it. because they think people say, "hey, you know, suck it up quit whining," et cetera but the truth is, like one out of every six americans has some kind of anxiety disorder and i think it's great and it's time for all of us to be there for each other and not telling people, like, "hey, just quit whining. but we're here and, you know, offer our kindness >> seth: you know, it's interesting. because i think you're right that it is destigmatized a great deal compared to maybe ten years ago. but then, you also see what simone biles and naomi osaka go through where i feel like there is great amount of empathy from some people, and then a lack of understanding and compassion on others do you feel like when you lay out a full story, like you're given the time to do, as opposed to when we just see, you know, people talk about mental health in small snapshots, is the idea here that you'll give people a better sense of what that journey is like when they're dealing with depression? >> i love that question. yeah, because this is ten episodes, right.
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so at the beginning, he's -- he is really struggling by the end, i think he's made some really important progress and that can be so uplifting when you've lived through it for quite a while with a character over these ten half hour episodes >> seth: another personal element of this is i read you based it on a couple friends of yours growing up is this something that they were excited about or did you even tell them the news >> oh, i told them yeah a couple of my friends are in it you know, these are guys that are -- they aren't actors. guys i went to high school with. that i managed to like find little parts for them. and yeah, the part that arturo castro plays, who's a brilliant actor, was sort of inspired by my friend hector who i went to high school with and who actually, you know, does work at ups. and we got hector into the pilot. he's in there. hector hernandez rocking it he was amazing in "a funny thing happened on the way to the forum" at van nuys high when we were seniors and now, he's, you know, on a show on apple >> seth: was he -- did he have any nerves about it? or did he know he had it well under control? >> oh, hell yeah, he was very nervous.
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[ laughter ] the whole time but i was like, "dude, you're going to be totally, totally good." and we got it, man and he's totally keeping up with like all the other four of us. we're, you know, people who do this for a living. and he nailed it he's great in it >> seth: there are, of course, no small parts only small actors. and you have taken this to heart, because, so rian johnson is a fantastic director who you worked with a lot as sort of the lead in films of his i did not realize that you have also found your way into every one of his projects over the years from "knives out" to the "star wars" films. >> it's, yeah, we have a streak going, i hope we never break and yes, if i don't get to be in one of his movies, he gets me to do these little cameos i got to do a creature voice in "the last jedi" and i got to do the voice of, you know, the sort of cheesy crime drama that the protagonist happens to be watching and i'm in the background going, like, "you can't handle the truth!" or whatever it was that i said >> seth: it's very nice to have a relationship with a director like that that can survive over multiple films
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>> i'm very lucky, yeah. rian is amazing. >> seth: you play a fifth grade teacher in this show a lot of people always ask me if you weren't doing what you're doing, what job you would want i've always sort of thought teacher might be a path. i'm lucky enough to be the son of a public school teacher what was -- is teaching something that you could have seen yourself doing? >> okay, well first of all, is it your mom or dad who's a teacher? >> seth: my mom. >> okay. so round of applause for your mom. huge, huge respect i think teachers are heroes. and i've always had this same feeling that i've wanted to be a teacher and would love to do that at some point in my life. that's why i wrote this character to be a teacher. if i could wave a magic wand and i would have us live in a world where teachers were the ones that we were all celebrating and we were all chatting on social media about like, "oh, did you see that new curriculum from that one teacher it's so amazing. like we would live in such a better place if teachers were all making hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars a year. i think that should be the new
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rule i think like the bottom salary, yearly salary, for a teacher should be quarter mill and then everyone, the best and the brightest would competing for teacher jobs like that would be way better than people competing for acting jobs what do actors really offer the world? >> seth: plus, i mean, i think people don't quite realize how lucky you are if you have a parent who is a teacher because they have access to a laminator. [ laughter ] that is a giant piece of equipment. like no one has a laminator in their home but you get someone in a public school system, they could go in and they could laminate that comic book for you >> how big a thing can you laminate like just a standard paper can you laminate it? >> seth: i feel like i use -- you can go bigger -- i felt like i laminated a lot of covers of "sports illustrated. that was like a thing that i would do growing up, so. >> because what i would want to do would be laminate the biggest thing i can possibly laminate, because what i love about laminated things is you can
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like -- they make that sound when you shake them. you know what i mean >> seth: you're right. you have a far -- you have a better vision for that opportunity than i had [ laughter ] i'm already looking back and regretting my past >> seth: hey, congratulations on the show thanks for making time for us today. it's always great to see you >> so good to see you, man thank you. >> seth: be well new episodes of "mr. corman" are released fridays on apple tv plus we'll be right back with kevin smith. ♪
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♪ >> seth: our next guest is a talented director, writer and actor you know from movies like "clerks," "jay and silent bob strike back," and "dogma." his new show "masters of the universe: revelation" is streaming on netflix let's take a look. >> grayskull is not the prize i'm after. this castle is merely a shell.
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the pearl i seek is trapped inside so i'm not here to take the castle i've come to tear grayskull down, stone by stone >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend kevin smith. how you are, kevin >> i am excellent, sir we are coming to you live from the set of "clerks 3." no, i don't always dress like this only when we're making a movie and stuff. brian o'halloran with me jason mewes here i got the whole cast and crew behind me. and we got a special message for you man. because in hollywood, you just burn money and time. and we had so much of both we did this. ready? watch this count of three, everybody. one, two, three. >> hi, seth meyers >> seth: wow >> everybody go to lunch thank you very much. >> seth: bye, brian. bye, jason that was a bit -- that's like -- it's like -- looking at a clerk's renaissance fair >> it really is, to a large degree
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could you hold the mic real quick? i just wanted to show you this feature. okay like, this is me as silent bob >> seth: yeah. >> watch how easy, like this is movie magic right here >> seth: yeah. >> here we go. just like that >> seth: wow kevin! it's kevin, guys he is here >> i know you couldn't recognize me before. but this is -- i appreciate you doing this, man, via zoom and what not because something happened to me a few months ago and i said -- i instantly called my agent and said please book me on "seth meyers. because i watch the show all the time and in my head and heart we're like good friends. >> seth: yes >> and i know we're not. but, like -- nothing happens to me unless i share it with you. so something happened to me at the periodontist and i called up my agent i said can you book me on "meyers. and it was like months ago months ago but i was like, "i'll wait." and then it happened but we were making "clerks 3." which i've been trying to make for seven years. so the logic was cancel out on "meyers," but i was like, "what are you mad? like it doesn't work nothing happens unless it
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happens on "meyers." so even though i've been trying to make this movie seven years, i said everything goes on hold so i can do this interview - >> seth: and i just want to tell you how excited i am to hear this story because a lot of people want to come on and they want to plug a project. but the fact that you're here to plug the fact that you went to the periodontist means the world to me. >> well, first before i even say that, can i tell you a quick story about the wife so, you know i'm a fan and so i watched "lobby baby" by myself late at night, smoking weed and it was amazing >> seth: thank you >> and it was so good that i was like, i think my wife will get into this. because quite like you as a comedian, you prop up your wife. you're not one of those "i can't believe i'm married. you're like "i can't believe she married me." >> seth: right >> so, i said, "she is going to love this special. so i sit down with my wife and watch the special. and she absolutely loves it. but this is her review this is what she says at one point. she goes, "oh, his wife is so lucky. he's funny and cute. and at that point i'm like, "what? so what, i'm just funny? and she's, like, "well, sometimes. he's funny all the time. and at that point even though,
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like, i consider you my buddy, i threw shade right away, man. 'cause i was like, "look, the meyers' don't have it all. have you ever seen their dog their dog, it looks like the dog that frasier's maris got." you know like you never saw maris, but you did see the dog. but i was like, "you know, i'm trying to make "frasier" the new "mah." if not the new "star trek: the next generation. [ laughter ] all right. here's my periodontist story >> seth: okay, great >> so, i just turned 51, right but i was 50 when this happened. it was a few months ago. so, i went to the dentist to get a cleaning i thought i hadn't, like, had a cleaning in two years. and i got in the room. he was like, "seven. you haven't had a cleaning in seven years. and i was like "all right. so he goes to take - >> seth: he goes, "i've been trying to have you get a cleaning since you've been trying to make the next 'clerks.'" { laughter >> pretty much pretty much the same time. so he takes pictures of my mouth. he leaves the room never a good sign. then he comes back in and he goes, "well, i got bad news and worse news." i was like, "what do i got gingivitis?" he goes, "you wish you had gingivitis." he's like, "you got periodontal disease.
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i was like "what you are talking about? he's like, "yeah, man, your mouth is just rotting under your jaw line we got to go to work we got to pull some teeth. and i'm like, "what are you talking about? he's like, "it's just -- it's periodontal disease. irreversible you'll have it for the rest of your life. it's like luggage or herpes, man. you're going to carry it forever. and stuff like that. so, i said, "man, how did this happen?" i was cursing myself i was like "i should have brushed my teeth more. and that's when the periodontist let me off the hook. he's like, "listen, man, you could have brushed all you wanted you were always going to be here in my office one day." and i said "why? he goes, "this is genetic. and right away, i got to blame my mom i called her up. and i was like, "you gave me bad hips -- big child bearing hips, a bad heart and a bad mouth. so, i said, "what do you mean, like, genetic? and he goes, "basically, it's because of your parents. your -- your mouth is hard at work because you have a hyper immune system. and i was like "what are you talking about? what is that?" he goes, "it's exactly what it sounds like. basically, like whenever you get a little something, your body goes after it. in a big, bad way. he was like, "do you get sick often? i said "no i'm kind of like bruce willis in
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that one m. night shayamalan movie. and then, he was like, "all right. so which one?" and i said, "you know, 'unbreakable.' and he goes, "oof, thank the lord." not, you know -- >> seth: not "sixth sense," right. not what - >> thank you very much totally. so in any event, man, i was just like, "so, what are we looking at, here?" and he's like, "the idea is when your body encounters a foreign substance, it attacks it with everything as if, like, you're defending yourself against a mouse but with a bazooka." and i said, "well, is that good?" and he goes, "yeah, because, do you never get sick?" and i was like, "not really. then he goes, "that's good." he's going, "the only problem is in your mouth. there's been this war that's going on your entire life. and i said "why? and he goes, "because you have bacteria in your body that your body has been fighting and it's fighting so hard, it's chewing out your jaw line. and i was like, "what is this bacteria?" and he goes, "it's a part of your biofilm it's been with you since you were born. instantly when he says biofilm, i'm like, i got to talk to meyers, man. has he ever heard of this? 'cause, he's like the smartest guy i know >> seth: it makes me so happy that you thought about me during this time. >> while this was going on while a man was in my mouth. i was thinking about seth meyers. >> seth: thank you
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>> it's that simple. so i said "what is this biofilm? he goes, "well, when you're -- when you're in utero --" he's going, "you're completely germ free you're in a germ-free environment. but the moment you're born, bacteria is introduced to your system that is how you build your immune system. and that bacteria is part of your biofilm you carry it forever." so, i was like, "how does it - what happens is it like when you come out the chute like you hit the air and you breathe them for the first time?" and he goes, "oh, no, no the bacteria you pick up, you pick up in the mother's birth canal. and so, i was like, wait a second, you're telling me, i'm at the periodontist and i got to get teeth ripped out because my mother is still in my mouth? and he's like, "oh, yeah you've been fighting that since you were born, kev." and i said, "what is this hyper immune system? it couldn't do anything for me?" i said, "like, am i like wolverine? and he goes, "well, wait a second do you have abs? and i lifted up my shirt seth, i don't have any i don't have ab one let alone plural so, i said "no." i said "why? and he goes, "when i think wolverine, i think of abs. he's going, "but you don't have abs. so you're definitely not wolverine. and he went in and took the
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teeth out and stuff like that. p.s., the story though, before i had the procedure, he says this, man. he goes, "listen, this is going to be five hours and we put you under. i said, "i can't wait. and he goes "but the problem is, that's a long time so you might have to go the bathroom." i was like, "i'll go before we -- the operation. he goes, "well, you could do that." he goes, "or we have something you could use. and i'm thinking, like, are they going to catheterize me for this like, is there a tube or something like that? i said, "what you are talking about? and he goes, "listen, we start our lives wearing these. sometimes we end our lives wearing these. i was like, "are you offering me an adult diaper to get my teeth worked on? he goes, "no shame whatsoever. just let it flow." i said, "i think i can hold it." and seth, like a big boy, i held it >> seth: i -- on behalf of everyone here, we're so proud of you. [ laughter ] >> thank you is -- is scollins proud? >> seth: scollins -- scollins is fully tuned out at this part of the show but i want to say, though, we are, we've run out of time you've done a wonderful job plugging periodontistry.
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and -- but i want to say a few things that i do want you to come back soon 'cause "masters of the universe," you've done a great job adapting you have a new book that i think everybody should read. i'd like to talk about these i'd like you to come back. i'm really happy you're doing "clerks 3. it's always such a pleasure. and i still have your weed and one day we're going to smoke it, okay >> that means the world, man, that it's still there. i watch every episode to see if it's in the cup the way howard shore watches every episode of "saturday night live" to make sure they're still using his theme music. so, i've been watching thank you for carrying it. >> seth: you're not getting any -- whatever -- residuals. "masters of the universe: revelation" is streaming on netflix. we'll be right back with more "late night. ♪ in 2016, i was working at the amazon warehouse when my brother passed away. and a couple of years later, my mother passed away. after taking care of them, i knew that i really wanted to become a nurse. amazon helped me with training and tuition. today, i'm a medical assistant and i'm studying to become a registered nurse.
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radio: another rock and roll weekend... ♪
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♪ burgers: better with pepsi. ahh! ♪ >> announcer: for more "late night," go to follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook head over to itunes to subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get "a closer look" and more downloaded right to your phone.
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♪ >> seth: i want to thank my guests, joseph gordon-levitt and kevin smith. i want to thank my dear friend, amy poehler. i want to thank fred armisen and the 8g band. stay tuned for lilly singh stay safe. get vaccinated we love you. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ tonight more residents on the run as flames move closer to south lake tahoe. >> and i'll show you the areas under the


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