tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC December 21, 2021 12:37am-1:38am PST
[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- keri russel, star of "joe pera talks with you," comedian joe pera, music from jake westley rogers featuring the 8g band with roy mayorga. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers and this is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight. now, let's get to the news democrat eric adams defeated republican curtis sliwa yesterday in new york city's
mayoral election adams will take office on january 1st. which means on january 2nd, cab drivers will start blaming him for traffic. [ light laughter ] "you believe this? freaking adams." [ laughter ] president biden returned early this morning to washington from his trip to europe and now he won't stop calling the white house his flat [ laughter ] yesterday's new jersey gubernatorial race between democratic governor phil murphy and republican jack ciatterelli remains too close to call. in fact, as of our taping time, both candidates were yelling "you take it." "no, you take it." [ laughter ] house speaker nancy pelosi told reporters yesterday that while she did not announce a vote for president biden's $1.75 trillion economic agenda, she believes disputes around it could be resolved by the end of the day okay, it could but will it? i feel we've been waiting around for this budget bill for longer than we were waiting for "avatar 2. [ laughter ]
build back better is basically biden's unobtainium. [ laughter ] and if you don't get that joke it's because we've be waiting forever for "avatar 2. [ laughter ] unobtainium jokes used to land [ laughter ] senate majority leader chuck schumer said yesterday that lawmakers have reached a deal to lower prescription drug prices for seniors so, now they just need to draft it up, print it out, and send it to joe's desk for approval nope, wrong joe. there we go. [ audience groans new york mayor - [ laughter ] new york mayor bill de blasio suggested in an interview yesterday that he is running for governor after years of running from governor. [ laughter ] mcdonald's this year is celebrating the 40th anniversary of its mcrib sandwich. but, if anyone asks, it was made today. [ laughter ] reality star kendall jenner
turned 26 today even though her mom specific asked her not to. 25 plays better. [ laughter ] a new study suggests that married couples who met on dating apps have a higher chance of getting a divorce "well, that was kind of the point" said a couple who met on "divorcer. [ laughter ] 97-year-old vito perillo was re-elected mayor yesterday of a town in new jersey because he, once again, failed to break the witch's curse. [ laughter ] after the -- [ laughter ] after the "pirates of the caribbean" ride at disneyland malfunctioned on sunday, guests had to wait 90 minutes until employees were able to push their boats to the exit. "we were sitting there for what felt like hours and nothing was happening" said someone watching the movie. [ laughter ] dunkin' -- a very -- a very late zing [ laughter ] pirates of the - those film makers were like "i
think we're out of the woods." [ laughter ] been over a decade well, at least they're not going after avatar they are?" [ laughter ] dunkin' donuts announced new flavors this week for their holiday lineup, including a toasted white chocolate signature latte and white mocha hot chocolate. and if you want to see what those drinks look like, check out ben affleck's paparazzi photos next week [ laughter ] finally, the animal rights group, peta, last week, called on major league baseball to stop using the term bullpen for the area where pitchers warm up because it references the place where cattle are kept before slaughter. instead, they suggested using the more animal friendly term "arm barn. [ laughter ] that one got the most attention, but there are several other animal themed terms peta would like to see changed. for example, we're going to do some now for example -- [ laughter ] that's what this whole bit's going to be. for example -- [ laughter ] the super market chain, piggly wiggly, is offensive to pigs as pigs do not have hips that are
conducive to wiggling. [ laughter ] so, they suggested changing the store's name to "broccoli woccoli. [ laughter ] having ants in your pants would be an uncomfortable sensation for a human. but just imagine how cruel -- how cruel an experience for the ant. [ laughter ] especially in corduroy or rigid denim. [ laughter ] so, next time you're feeling anxious, or restless, may we suggest the term "beans in your jeans. [ laughter ] if you're at a party and it's all dudes, rather than triggering vegetarians and people suffering from hypertension by calling it a "sausage-fest," they suggest a call it something less offensive, like a "boner-roo teste-val. [ laughter ] and they appreciate that's -- that's a mouthful. [ laughter ] moving on, nature's greatest pollinators have six sections their legs and don't appreciate you patella-fetishists focusing on just the one. so, stop calling something neat the bee's knees and instead say it's the yam's gams. [ laughter ] and i know that's hard for all
of you who are still saying the bee's knees. [ laughter ] up next, instead of saying "like a fish out of water" and invoking horror of suffocation to our scaly cousins, say "like a vaccinated person in the fire department." [ audience oohs [ laughter ] and -- [ laughter ] instead of saying "larry bird" which could cause a sparrow to turn and say "what" before plowing into a window, say danny ainge. [ laughter ] keep that one for the "best of." [ laughter ] we're only a tenth of the way through this [ laughter ] next, instead of saying "he sleeps with the fishes," which is straight up slut shaming, he said -- say, "he caught covid from unvaccinated fireman. [ laughter ] and instead of saying "he's no spring chicken" needlessly reminding the birds of their inescapable mortality, say "he looking like an heirloom gourd."
[ laughter ] moving on. [ laughter ] moving on, instead of saying "there's plenty of fish in the sea," which ignores the devastating effects of commercial over-fishing, say "look, linda, you had to have known this was a real possibility when your fireman boyfriend decided not to get vaccinated." [ laughter ] and finally, when it's time for the talk, rather than teaching your children about the birds and bees, whose sex lives are nobody's damn business but their own. teach them about the zucchini and the pumpkin with a hole carved into it [ laughter ] this has been other animal themed terms i told you it was a bit. peta would like to see change. [ applause ] we have got a great show for you tonight. you know her from "felicity" and "the americans." she currently stars in "antlers," which is out now. our friend, keri russell will be here in studio [ cheers and applause we love keri we love seeing keri. he is a fantastically funny comedian he is a favorite of ours his terrific show "joe pera talks with you" returns for season three this weekend. and his new book, "a bathroom book for people not pooping or peeing but using the bathroom as
an escape" - [ laughter ] -- is out in two weeks joe pera will be here. [ cheers and applause and he is a talented singer/songwriter who's critically acclaimed ep "pluto" is out now we will have music from jake wesley rogers he's fantastic [ cheers and applause saw him backstage. he is dressed for the occasion, everybody. that will be very exciting for all of us. but before we get to all that, republicans won big last night in a closely watched race in virginia and now the finger pointing has already begun, with some belt-way insiders ludicrously blaming progressives for the results. for more on this it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: look, it's just a tough political environment for democrats right now. with joe biden's poll numbers sagging, and concerns about the economy, inflation on the rise and after almost 20 months of pandemic life, made worse by the delta variant, people are just exhausted and pissed off it went the other four years ago after trump became president democrats won by a landslide in the 2017 virginia governor's
race and then again in the house in 2018. that's just kind of how american public opinion works it waffles back and forth like your mom deciding between chicken or fish at a restaurant. you know as soon as the waiter takes your order and walks away, she's going to turn to the rest of the table and say "i think i should have gotten the fish. "then order the fish." "but the chicken is supposed to be good here." "then stick with the chicken." "do you think they have pasta? "yeah, mom, it's an olive garden." "i thought that meant they had olives." [ laughter ] well, it's true. this has happened before and the public opinion is cyclical it's also true the democrats know how badly they got their asses kicked last night. as one analyst explained on msnbc shortly after the results started coming in. >> what do you think the story is here tonight thus far? >> the story is i'm not going to call it a blowout because we don't have the final -- final numbers. but i will tell you, somebody in -- high up in mcauliffe's camp who was there with mcauliffe put it this way to me about an hour ago.
it's a blood bath. >> seth: all right well, first of all, blood bath is way worse than blowout. [ laughter ] sound like an emt trying not to jump to conclusions at a murder scene. "look, i'm not going to pronounce the victim dead just yet. but as you can see here, his head has been chopped clean off. [ laughter ] so i'd say he's 50/50 going to make it. "where's the head? "i don't know, over there. so, even mcauliffe's campaign admitted it was a blood bath although you wouldn't know it from mcauliffe's reaction after his speech last night. ♪ ♪ three-point two fro the drive of my house ♪ >> seth: i never thought i would say this, but have you thought about taking dancing lessons from donald trump? [ audience oohs [ laughter ] i mean, seriously man, read the room you're dancing like a grandpa at a wedding after the bride ran away from the altar. [ laughter ] "come on, everyone, let's party. "no, grandpa, not now. jessica left." "that doesn't mean i can't get down." "it does mean that, grandpa. [ laughter ] it does mean that. republicans figured out that they could use a twin strategy of keeping trump's maga base
motivated by using the right wing propaganda network to feed the red meat on the one hand, while also running a candidate who look like the dentist who gives you the gas for a cleaning "no reason we should both be uncomfortable. [ laughter ] that supposedly moderate image helped youngkin win over some of the swing voters and suburbanites that propelled democrats in 2018 and 2020 >> without donald trump as president, can republicans keep those gains that donald trump held them -- helped them make? that's the combination that would win this night for glen youngkin. in roads in the suburbs with equal trump enthusiasm, in those core southwest shenandoah valley rural areas of this state. that's the balancing act he's been trying to strike as a candidate. that was the goal for youngkin in the densely populated democratic heavy northern virginia. it wasn't win. it was make the kind of inroads i just showed you. and then, it was could he get the kinds of votes in the rural parts of the state that donald trump was getting could he get the kind of support that donald trump got in southwest virginia
for instance, in trump country, in sort of a bell weather swing area of the state, and in the core democratic areas of northern virginia. glen youngkin just county after county, city after city, tonight, hitting his number. >> seth: first of all, as much as election night sucks, it's just great to see kornacki back at his element i mean, it's like seeing a rare beautiful angler fish as you drown at the bottom of the ocean. [ laughter ] kornacki is like the poli-sci teacher who is happy to supervise detention. "come on, guys we're going to do electoral map. everyone start by drawing your congressional district [ laughter ] okay, kevin, i feel like you've taken a few liberties here." [ laughter ] but he's right republicans were able to keep the trump maga base energized while also winning over suburbanites which, if they can keep it up, is a disastrous combination for democrats going into 2022. it's like if the jets suddenly figured out they could run and pass the ball. "wait, what? we're allowed to throw it, too but we have to give the defense a heads up, right? out of politeness?
we don't?" by the way, jets won a game. if they win again on thursday night, we're just going to [ bleep ] shut this show down. [ laughter ] i mean, if the jets are good, we're out of business. [ laughter ] democrats need an answer for that and the answer by the way, is not to blame progressives for actually trying to get [ bleep ] done as some belt-way insiders are apparently already doing, a reporter for politico tweeted last night, "dem members are already texting me blaming progressives for the debacle in virginia." i mean, are you insane progressives are the ones trying to pass a bill that actually follows through on biden's agenda and improves people's lives. the manchins and synemas of the world are the ones [ bleep ] all over it and dragging it out so it's longer and more painful than terry mcauliffe dancing on stage. just take it down, take it down. i don't want to look at it anymore. [ laughter ] most of the individual elements of the progressive's agenda, drug price reform, paid family leave, expanding medicare and support for childcare are very popular when they polled them -- when you polled them individually but you actually need to pass
them and give people a reason to vote for you because, just saying "we're not trump" doesn't work when trump himself isn't on the ballot. it's like if taco bell's slogan was "hey, at least we're not chipotle." [ laughter ] who knows if passing a bill would have made any difference in virginia but dragging this process out has been political poison for democrats manchin and synema have turned the democrats domestic agenda into an excruciating, never-ending nightmare slog that has turned off voters, who stopped paying attention months ago. i mean, honestly, even i have trouble following what's in or out of the bill on a daily basis. whether there's a deal or not. whether there's a frame work for a deal or not. whether there's a tentative agreement to proceed toward debate on negotiations toward a tentative framework for a potential deal or not. and i'm supposed to be paying attention to this stuff. i mean, granted, i've been a little distracted by some of my personal obsessions like our show's efforts to get a ben & jerry's "late night" ice cream flavor called "a closer lick." [ laughter ] ben & jerry's still hasn't greenlit our request despite the fact that we've already done all the work for them. we came up with a name, mocked up the container and even found a way to include our cue card guy by coming up with a recipe
that includes wally nuts [ laughter ] >> seth. >> seth: what? >> leave me out of this, please. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i guess those nuts are going to be a little salty. [ laughter ] want to know what i think? i think it's because they're from vermont and i'm from new hampshire. or as they call us, "upside-down vermont. they're just jealous because we're a real state and their state capital is a drum circle anyway, we send them all of this information only for them to announce their new flavor, "rachel marshmaddow crunch." which, if you ask me, was very rocky rude [ laughter ] >> i'm outta here. [ laughter ] >> seth: fine. i don't need you and your cue cards, wally where was i? vote -- voting [ laughter ] so like -- so yesterday people voted. all right, i do need the cue cards, wally >> yeah, i thought so. >> seth: all right [ laughter ] [ applause ]
for a guy who doesn't like ice cream, you sure know how to make a meal out of it [ laughter ] the point is there are a lot of factors at play. some of them within democrats' control. some of them not and the difference this time is we have massive existential crises looming over the country in which one party's entirely captive to an aspiring authoritarian who wants to overthrow democracy. this party's entirely on board even youngkin enthusiastically welcomed trump's endorsement while also keeping him at arms length and declining to stand on stage with him for example, at one point he happily accepted trump's endorsement. and then in another, he said he had nothing to do with the tele-rally trump held for him and acted like he barely even talked to trump. >> well, i'm honored to receive the president's endorsement and i do think it just reflects the fact that all of the republican party is coming together >> a lot of republicans would be thrilled to be on the stage with trump so close to election day
not so much in virginia. and it sounds like youngkin won't even get on the phone with him. >> he has no plans to participate with the former president in that tele- rally on monday >> i haven't been involved in that my -- the teams are talking. i'm not going to be engaged in the tele-town hall >> seth: in fairness, even if you're a trump megafan, i wouldn't take a call from him. you know how hard it must be to get him off the phone? i mean, remember when he used called in to "fox & friends" and they just sat there for an hour with blank looks on their faces. like, tourists who accidentally bought tickets to an off-off broadway show called "dear evan handjob?" [ laughter ] "i didn't think there would be this much nudity and that actor is definitely too old to be in high school does he have a -- does he have a cast on his penis? [ laughter ] in another appearance with reporters, youngkin said straight up that he wouldn't appear on stage with trump and hadn't spoken to him >> would you rally with donald trump if he came to virginia this week >> well, he's not coming >> have you spoken to him -- >> no, i haven't i haven't spoken with him. this is about virginia
>> seth: he sweating like an undercover cop during a drug bust "you wearing a wire? "no, why would you say that? because you keep whispering into your nipples." "hey, i'm just giving them a pep talk [ laughter ] look, this is about selling illegal drugs, right? now speak up, because my nipples also want to score." [ laughter ] but this clip is revealing to many reasons on the one hand, it demonstrates the trick youngkin pulled off of keeping trump's base in line without fully embracing trump as a person and republicans know they have the structural advantages of the electoral college, gerrymandering, and voter suppression to help them they can fall in line behind trump without hesitation but when they actually have to appeal to swing voters in a state like virginia, they talk about trump the way parents talk to their kids about "the babadook." "he's not coming here. and even if he did, we wouldn't let him in." side note here, but the babadook has the least scary name for one of the most scary horror villains [ laughter ] like, leatherface, jigsaw, pennywise, you know what you're getting. but the babadook is australian which makes sense because it sounds like aussie slang for when you drunkenly [ bleep ] your pants [ laughter ] "aw, bad news. i had a bit too much last night. i accidentally babadooked in my
trousers." [ laughter ] what were we talking about oh, yeah, politics but the truth is - [ laughter ] no matter how much they may try to differentiate themselves in tone or style, any republican who takes trump's endorsement and courts his maga base is signing up to support his authoritarian ambitions and the existential threat to democracy it poses there's no way around that and while youngkin kept trump at arm's length, he also dabbled in some election trutherism of his own by calling for virginia voting machines to be audited. the only reason some people don't quote unquote trust the voting machines is because people like donald trump and mike lindell have told them not to in fact, last week, lindell went on steve bannon's podcast to once again repeat the insane lie that china hacked our voting machines to steal the election from trump and claimed that he had proven his theory multiple times. >> we validated now that this was an attack by china we had it validated before but i just got it revalidated by independent sources and we've got the packing captures that go through the machines
>> seth: oh, you've got it revalidated. well, that certainly is legit. he sounds like a dad with his teen daughter at the mall who just went back to the parking lot get his ticket stamped "the attendant told me i needed to add more time so i got it revalidated for another three hours. so you can go back to the mall and buy some earrings at the claire's." [ laughter ] also, youngkin jumped on board with the right's new freak-out over something called critical race theory. a thing they can't define and isn't taught in k-12 schools anyway fanning the right-wing moral panic over critical race theory was one of the key pieces of youngkin's strategies, you can tell from how many times he said it >> there is no place for critical race theory in our school system i will ban critical race theory. i will ban critical race theory. critical race theory critical race theory critical race theory critical race theory >> seth: he said it so many times you'd think he was trying to summon it beetlejuice style maybe heard an urban legend that if you say the words critical race theory three times into a mirror, your 14-year-old will become woke. [ lightning strike ]
[ laughter ] so republicans of fox news have successfully weaponized the panic over so-called critical race theory. but, i'm sorry, it shouldn't be radical to teach children about the history of racism in american society no offense, but kids should be able to read toni morrison without taking a babadook in their pants. [ laughter ] again, elections are cyclical and a lot can change but, there's no getting around the fact that things are bad for democrats right now. and they lost badly last night some of the reasons are out of their control. but one thing they very much can control is doing concrete things to improve people's lives, which would give voters a reason to keep them in power otherwise, we're going to see a lot more of this on election night in 2022. ♪ this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with keri russell [ cheers and applause ♪ (vo) subaru and our retailers believe in giving back.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: give it up for the fantastic 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause also joining us again tonight on drums, he's a renowned rock musician who played with iconic bands like stone sour and soulfly. he is a member of industrial icons ministry whose new album, "moral hygiene," is available now. roy mayorga is here. thank you so much for being with us, roy. >> thanks for having me. [ cheers and applause >> seth: our first guest tonight is a golden globe winning actress you know from shows like "felicity" and "the americans.
she stars in "antlers," which is in theaters now. let's take a look. >> he's not dead >> yeah, he is, lucas. my brother paul, he found him in your house >> no. that was my old dad. the one who was sick and mean. my new dad's with aiden, but aiden doesn't understand, and he needs me i just have to feed him and he'll love me. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, keri russell ♪ [ cheers and applause >> hi! >> seth: hello, welcome back >> hi, seth. >> seth: it's so good to see you in person. >> nice to see you too, i know >> seth: i like a horror movie where a scene takes place by
fireside >> it's very similar to how you parent, right? >> seth: yeah. >> you're like, "give me food and then you'll stay alive." >> seth: yep, i also -- every hard conversation i have with my kids, i'm like, "you sit on the couch, i'll start a fire, one side of my face will be very ghostly lit. >> it always works better that way, always. >> seth: this is a film that takes place in oregon, and it is sort of a ravished community -- a ravaged community, i should say. >> i think i'm ravishing >> seth: you're ravishing -- >> ravishing >> seth: you're a ravishing woman in a ravaged community [ laughter ] but it's got supernatural elements it's a scary film. have you seen it in the theater? that's one of the exciting things about people being to be to get into theaters again, is scary movies >> it is, and i'm really glad they held it, because, you know, we actually made this three years ago, or about that, and then, as we all know, the world stopped working for a moment >> seth: yeah. >> and -- so they saved it and then we could see it in theaters, which by the way, you know, this definitely should be seen in theaters, and it's so beautiful and haunting but yes, i have these girl pals
that my kids call moms gone wild >> seth: your kids call you moms gone wild? wow. >> correct, these mom friends of mine, and we took -- the moms gone wild friends took our teenagers to go see this movie last saturday, and it was scarier than i thought >> seth: the movie -- that's good [ laughter ] >> i hadn't seen it in three years, and i was like, "ooh, this is -- woah, this is -- wow, this a lot scarier than i thought." and i kept looking over the teenagers and they were like, "it's fine." >> seth: really? [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: so the moms gone wild were scared, but the teenagers were fine. >> moms gone wild -- you know, when you see a scary movie, they always show scary movie trailers >> seth: yep >> so there was a "scream" trailer at first, and there's this very scary teaser to it, and the two of us verbally screamed and bonked our heads, we went -- [ screams and screamed and bonked our heads, and the teenagers looked at us like, "hey." like, "get out of here." [ laughter ] >> seth: your kids are so spread out. 14, 9, and 5 >> 9 and 5, yeah >> seth: so what is halloween like when you have kids that
are, like, so different in the eras of life there >> i'm so glad i survived. >> seth: yeah. >> it's exhausting does anyone else have exhausting halloweens >> seth: yeah. >> i mean, i know it's fun and i grew up with a mom who loved halloween and, like, is so into all of that. it's exhausting. you know, the teenagers are out, you're trying to make sure they're safe the 9-year-old, you're like, "got to get them with their friends, make sure no one gets kidnapped. i mean, it's like, people everywhere - >> seth: and did you -- did she get kidnapped or did you make it >> not this year >> seth: okay, congrats. [ laughter ] >> and then the 5-year-old is darth vader and he's, like, running around it was craziness i'm so tired from halloween. >> seth: i -- we are trying to -- you know, 'cause 5 is our oldest and 5 is your youngest. >> yes >> seth: so we're trying to, like, teach him that, like, eating the candy isn't actually part of this [ laughter ] >> oh, no. >> seth: yeah, when you leave the candy on offer for the halloween santa. >> you know what that's so funny because that's kind of what matthew does. >> seth: yeah. >> and actually he went out last night and i had all three kids home alone and matthew was getting ready to
go, and i was like, "if you are good, i will let you guys have a piece of candy after dinner. and they were like -- [ screams and i was like, "keep it down! keep it down if matt hears, he's going to be really bummed. so he left, and they were like, "candy!" >> seth: yeah. it's not fair what they do us with the candy >> it's not fair it's really not fair >> seth: your husband matthew rhys, who -- you guys met on "the americans. >> it's true >> seth: and he -- a lot of people did stuff during the pandemic was this a -- he bought a boat >> on ebay >> seth: on ebay [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: which is like -- i would imagine most boaters would say that's not the place to buy it >> i'd say that's not the place to buy a boat. >> seth: and he had to do a lot of work on it. >> especially for someone who had never had a boat before. >> seth: okay. >> he was like, "oh, this is a good idea. like probably after two glasses of wine on the couch late at night. >> seth: yeah. the weird thing is that he -- i mean, 'cause again, like, it's not like ebay is like, "hey, you want to look at a boat?" like you have to go on ebay and like, enter "boat. >> oh, he deep dived it.
>> seth: yeah. >> he deep dived it. he deep dived it, yeah >> seth: and he bought a boat and he had to do a ton of work >> a ton >> seth: so, like, this is him, like, doing work on his boat [ laughter ] but, like, there was an article in "the new york times" about this >> there was >> seth: this is a successful boat >> i know. >> seth: it's the same kind of boat that ernest hemingway had, correct? >> correct, there's only four left in the world of that class. >> seth: wow, and here it is look at the job he did on this boat >> i know, it's really good. him and his captain, kelli, and the thing that sold it was that the name actually on the boat, it was -- its given name was rarebit. >> seth: oh, it preexisted >> it preexisted you don't -- it's very bad luck to change the name of a boat >> seth: really? >> and when he heard it was rarebit, there's this food thing called welsh rarebit >> seth: yeah. >> and he was like, "i have to have this boat." >> seth: yeah, because he's a welshman >> yeah. >> seth: he's proud welshman >> and i was like, "good luck. [ laughter ] >> seth: now has he won you over because this now seems like a lovely way to, like, go around - >> it is a lovely way, and it's beautiful. it's this beautiful antique wooden thing that we want to do day drinking with you. >> seth: yeah, i would love to
go day drinking on the sea >> yes, right? >> seth: yeah, 'cause that's where -- the only thing that -- when i've gone day drinking, the only thing i've wish was also happening was just being slowly jostled. [ laughter ] just a light, slow jostling. >> a lot of our dreams can come true together. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i'm going to hold you guys to this >> you will. >> seth: it is always great to see you. congratulations so much on the film >> thank you >> seth: you guys, that's keri russell "antlers" is in theaters now we'll be right back with joe pera [ cheers and applause ♪
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uh, hello!? we are going to t-mobile! mr. clarke. your daughter is a very good kisser. when you crave the uncomfortable. try spicy pringles scorchin'. oh, don't forget. gifts for the kids. -bye. -hey, give it back! that's mine. will you stop? get off my bed. hey, hey, hey. guys, guys. come on. i wish i had my own room. wake up! presents! where's dad? check the office. oh, my gosh. i love it! i love it! i love it! (laughter) -we get our own rooms? -uh-huh.
♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian whose new book, "a bathroom book for people not pooping or peeing but using the bathroom as an escape" is available november 16th season three of his show "joe pera talks with you" premieres november 7th on adult swim let's take a look. >> at what point does it go from sitting to laying down
>> 45 degrees? >> that makes sense. >> i always say when you see more ceiling than wall [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend joe pera. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: welcome back, joe it's so lovely to see you. >> it's very nice to be here and have the audience here again >> seth: yeah. >> it's so -- very exciting. >> seth: we're very excited to have you, as always. your excitement as always, is palpable [ laughter ] in that clip, i always love, you know, reminding you of this, that you're in that clip with gene kelly >> right >> seth: who was a camera man on this show. >> uh-huh. >> seth: you came on this show, you met him. you basically hired him away from his life as a cameraman and
he became an actor >> i'm sorry [ laughter ] but -- yeah. he retired from this show last year, and then, i asked him to come do one more season of the television program and he was just -- i think he just wanted to rest but he's such a nice guy that he couldn't say no, and i'm glad - >> seth: and you did let himself rest because that scene was about picking out a lay-z-boy for him. so really, all his acting had to be was sitting on a comfortable chair. >> yes, exactly. the episode is about helping them pick out a retirement chair, i guess, something that's -- he could sit and unpack the last 72 years of his life while watching daytime tv [ laughter ] yeah >> seth: how was -- you obviously take a chair very seriously and its level of comfort. and since we have you here and you have a good eye for it how is the chair you're in now >> it's pretty nice, actually.
it's very exciting to think of all the celebrities who sat here over the years, elizabeth taylor and such >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] now, joe, you have a very specific title of this book, "a bathroom book for people not pooping or peeing but using the bathroom as an escape. was it important for you to make sure they knew exactly what kind of book they were buying >> the publishing company said it's way too long but i don't know i see -- it's very nice when you have to read it out loud on tv it makes me chuckle backstage. [ laughter ] but i just love that things that kind of are what they say and i wanted to make sure everybody knows what they're getting as soon as they see the book. >> seth: you have a few tips in here, not just for how to spend time in the bathroom but, you know, how to re-enter the social event they were at
sort of like things you can say to break the ice post-trip to the bathroom could you share a few of those >> sure. yeah >> seth: yeah, go for it >> thanks, yeah. so basically, i wanted to make it easy for people to rejoin the party or whatever else they're doing. so i wrote an epilogue that's all kind of -- >> seth: this is the epilogue. >> yes >> seth: yeah. >> and some conversation starters that you could use on the other side of the door [ laughter ] such as, you can ask the person, "do you believe in free will or fate?" [ laughter ] and then depending on their answer, you can drink their drink. [ laughter ] "do kit-kats count as granola bars?" [ laughter ] you talk for hours about that.
>> seth: sure. now can i ask another question you got the book done. another season of "joe pera talks to you." when you have these works behind you in your rear view, do you start focusing on things other projects that you want to get done >> yeah. i'm kind of in that nice period right now where we're able to, you know, feel free of the ideas, feel like we did a good enough job and can put them down and now i've been thinking about new ones to pick up. and i actually found this pitch. this a real pitch that i pitched to adult swim. >> seth: okay. >> at the same time as the original "joe pera talks to you to sleep." >> seth: uh-huh. >> and they chose that one >> seth: this is the other one >> this is the other one that could have been. and i wanted to share it with you in case, i don't know, you're interested in producing it >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] do you want me to read about it a little bit >> sure. >> seth: or do you want me to -- it's called "my two cars." [ laughter ]
>> it's a real pitch i wrote with my buddy dan licata >> seth: yeah, a very funny man. >> uh-huh, and you want to read the tag line at the top? >> seth: sure. "my two cars, with great cars comes great responsibility." [ laughter ] >> right >> seth: okay. >> and then, the summary is "imagine, you're lucky enough to own both a pt cruiser and a mini-cooper. [ laughter ] your day-to-day life would be insane." [ laughter ] "keith ass [ bleep ] does on both of these exciting cars and while things are really, really good, there's one problem. you can only drive one car at a time." [ laughter ] "but no matter which car he chooses, it's always a trip. and then --" >> seth: can you just read - can i read >> yeah, please.
>> seth: this is episode three would be the one that would sell me >> yes >> seth: this is where i would green light it "keith goes to the premiere of a film by pt anderson starring bradley cooper when he shows up in his pt cruiser, pt anderson loves it. unfortunately, bradley cooper hates it." [ laughter ] "so keith takes the subway home and drives back in his mini-cooper to prove he has both." that is -- [ applause ] gold >> thank you so dan licata asked me to include one thing that we left out and that keith ass [ bleep ] is also supreme court justice. [ laughter ] so it's gives it a little depth and you know - >> seth: yeah sure, i felt like there wasn't enough going on with keith ass [ bleep ] [ laughter ] that's joe pera, everybody "a bathroom book for people not pooping or peeing but using the bathroom as an escape" is available november 16th. and season three of "joe pera talks with you" premieres
november 7th on adult swim we'll right back with music from jake wesley rogers [ cheers and applause ♪ there's a different way to treat hiv. it's once-monthly injectable cabenuva. cabenuva is the only once-a-month, complete hiv treatment for adults who are undetectable. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider once a month. hiv pills aren't on my mind. i love being able to pick up and go. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions post-injection reactions, liver problems,...and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver problems or mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy. some of the most common side effects include injection site reactions, fever, and tiredness. if you switch to cabenuva, attend all treatment appointments.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: my next guest is a talented singer/songwriter who's critically acclaimed ep "pluto" is out now performing "weddings and funerals" please welcome, jake wesley rogers [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ friends are getting hig married in jul it's the second ring but they say this ♪ ♪ one's for lif i don't wanna di at least not tonight 'cuz i got things to do ♪ ♪ and it wouldn't be polite
can i call you o do i nee a reason why ♪ ♪ everything's always weddings and funeral no room to celebrate everyday miracles ♪ ♪ like the sun in the sky like your body on mine everything's alway weddings and funerals ♪ ♪ my parents got hitche back in '8 like they invented love on a summer solstice ♪ ♪ my grandfather died from missing his wif when he invented death
i couldn't make myself cry ♪ ♪ can i come over o do i nee a reason why everything's always ♪ ♪ weddings and funerals no room to celebrate everyday miracle like the sun in the sky ♪ ♪ like your body on min everything's alway weddings and funeral weddings and funerals ♪ ♪ it's my honeymoon it's my dying da it's the end of the worl and i'm feeling great ♪ ♪ i told you i love you glad i didn't wait
glad i didn't wait for weddings and funerals ♪ ♪ they're just a spectacl look at my green eye dreaming of marigold like the sun in the sky ♪ ♪ like your body on min weddings and funeral weddings and funeral weddings and funerals ♪ ♪ weddings and funerals weddings and funerals ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: jake wesley rogers, everyone "pluto" is out now we'll be right back with more "late night. [ cheers and applause ♪ limu emu... & doug ♪ ♪ superpowers from a spider bite? i could use some help showing the world how liberty mutual customizes their car insurance so they only pay for what they need.
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the holidays are in full swing and you can feel the magic in the air. especially at t-mobile! let's go to dianne. can you tell us what's happening? yeah, i got the awesome new iphone 13 pro and airpods, and t-mobile is paying for them both! oooh and i get a free year of apple tv+. upgrade to the iphone 13 pro and airpods both on us. only at t-mobile. and this is for new and existing t-mobile and sprint customers. like me! back to you. uh, hello!? we are going to t-mobile!
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