at 4:30 am. >> have a great night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> confirmation this morning that north korean leader kim jong-un made a surprise visit to china. he traveled by train meeting in beijing with. xi jinping.

>> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, trump's gofundme page. plus, stephen welcomes dana carvey and simon pegg featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪

>> stephen: thank you, everybody! sit down! thank you very much. lovely, lovely. welcome, welcome. welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm your host, stephen colbert. i'll tell you, the darned stormy daniels scandal just will not go away for donald trump, no matter how many times he clears his browser history. ( laughter ) i have the latest, salacious legal motions in tonight's "stormywatch." ( cheers and applause ) huge developments yesterday, when storm' aternal-- ( laughter )

stormy daniels' internal attorney, michael avanetti, filed a motion seeking to depose president donald trump and his lawyer michael cohen. that means trump is going to have to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions under oath like, "did you have an affair with stormy daniels?" and, "is this now or has it ever been your penis?" ( laughter ) now, avenatti says that he "intends to prove that the hush agreement did not have a lawful object or purpose." oh, how dare you? of course this agreement has a lawful purpose. it has given anderson cooper hundreds of hours of stormy daniels' raw cleavage footage. ( cheers and applause ) and wolf blitzer is even working on his stormy daniels impression. >> technically, i didn't sleep with the potus 12 years ago. there was no sleeping. ha, ha. ( laughter ) >> stephen: "there was no

sleeping, ha, ha, but it appears she and the president took the express train to bone town. anderson, this is our life now." ( laughter ) the odd thing is that trump has not made any public comments. he hasn't even tweeted about it. one friend says that the president is "not in punch-back mode." yes, trump only has a few settings. there's "punch back," there's "lie," "self-promote," and "popcorn." ( cheers and applause ) the packaging says, "don't use the popcorn setting." but i do. instead of tweeting about stormy, yesterday, trump retweeted himself from last weekend after he signed the government budget. "because of the $700 and $716

billion gotten to rebuild our military, many jobs are created and our military is again rich. building a great border wall, with drugs-- poison-- and enemy combatants pouring into our country is all about national defense. build wall through m!" what does-- what does that mean? ( cheers and applause ) what does that-- i don't-- what does "m" stand for? ( laughter ) build wall through mexico? they're not going to like that. build wall through money? through melania's room? because i'm pretty sure-- i'm pretty sure she'd pay for that at this point. ( cheers and applause ) well, the great "m" mystery-- or mmmmystery-- has been solved. turns out, it stands for military, because the president

wants to take this money out of the pentagon budget. the pentagon? mexico is supposed to pay for this. it should come out of the "cinco-gon." ( laughter ) ( applause ) but-- but-- thank you. people love spanish jokes. people-- ( applause ) but if the military won't pay for it, people close to the president have suggested-- and i am not making this up-- creating a gofundme campaign. laugh. >> jon: how they going to do that? >> stephen: yes, yes, a kickstarter. yes, our national sovereignty will be secured with the same urgency that funded the "veronica mars" movie. for as founding father nathan hale said, " "i regret i have but $15 to find

out if she ended up with logan. #totesadorable." now, if you're not familiar with gofundme, let me use a real, active gofundme campaign to explain how this would work. this is the actual gofundme page raising money for flaw's new touring vehicle. flaw is a band. i don't know what kind. i'm going to guess either death metal, grindcore, or deathgrind. ( laughter ) so in this scenario, donald trump is the band flaw, and the wall is flaw's new van. flaw needs a new van to make it to their upcoming concert at spicoli's in waterloo, iowa. ( laughter ) and donald trump needs his wall to stop mexicans from all rushing in to america-- i assume to catch flaw at spicoli's in waterloo, iowa. and if none of that works, trump can just ask flaw to patrol the border. because from their photo, it

looks like they're already there-- at least until april 3, 6:00 p.m., when they're going to be at spicoli's rockade, at 3555 university ave., waterloo, iowa. flaw! ( cheers and applause ) i'm a huge flaw fan. >> jon: oh, you like flaw? you like fla? >> stephen: that's where it's happening! meanwhile-- good luck, fellas. meanwhile, new documents show that former trump deputy campaign chairman, rick gates, communicated with a former russian spy before the election, who "has ties to a russian intelligence service and had such ties in 2016." and i'm guessing this spy is still on putin's good side because, as of show time, no one had served him a nerve gas burrito. ( laughter ) and his description matches the russian manager of paul manafort's lobbying office in kiev, named konstantin

"killimnik." really? "killimnik." if you're a russian operative, you might want to go by something less suspicious. maybe try "sergey murderov." ( laughter ) ( applause ) sergey murderov. dah! ♪ ♪ thank you. thank you. so my question is, is it collusion yet? is this collusion at this point? gates was trump's deputy campaign chairman, who stayed on through the inauguration, knowingly met with a russian spy in the months leading up the election. what more evidence do we need, donald trump in a t-shirt saying, "i colluded with the russians, and all i got was this lousy t-shirt, and the presidency"? ( cheers and applause ) i would like that. i would like that t-shirt. >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: i'd like a copy of that.

>> jon: i'd wear that. >> stephen: all cotton, though, all cotton. gotta breathe. so, the president almost definitely colluded with russia, but there's equally important news out there. tiffany haddish said someone bit beyonce. ( laughter ) yeah, yeah, this is serious. this is serious. here's what went down. tiffany haddish was at a party in l.a. that beyonce and jay-z attended. "according to haddish, the actor-- whom she refused to name-- was at the party 'doing the mostest' before biting beyonceé in the face." now, i had to look up "doing the mostest," because i'm the white-steft-- legally, i'm the white-stest. and apparently it means "trying too hard to impress people and embarrassing yourself." i also had to look up "biting beyonce in the face." turns out, it means, "biting beyonce in the face." simpler than i thought.

haddish explained to "gq," "i said to beyonce, 'did she really bite you?' she was like, 'yeah.' i was like, 'she's going to get her ass beat tonight.' she was like, 'tiffany, no. don't do that. that bitch is on drugs. she not like that all the time. just chill.'" wow! i mean that-- that's-- on a certain level that's admirable, you know. beyonce got bit in the face and turned the other cheek. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) but don't do that! don't turn the other cheek! she'll bite that, too beyonce. don't-- don't-- don't turn the other cheek. she'll bite that, too! that bitch is on drugs! this is a huge mystery at this point. we still don't know, right? as of show time we still don't know. this is the "who shot j.r." for a generation too young to get that reference. ou y so far, all sorts of celebrities have denied being the biter,

including lena dunham, jennifer aniston, sanaa lathan, frances mcdormand, even shirley maclaine, whose spokesperson said, "no, shirley did not bite anything. she's 83 years old, for god's sake." not a good alibi. i get bit by 83-year-olds all the time. because i like to start fights with old people because i want to win. ( laughter ) the fact is, beyonce's biter remains at large, and it's extremely important to me we figure this out, because america needs to know: what does beyonce taste like? ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight. dana carvey is here! simon pegg is here! but up next, an exclusive interview with ambassador john bolton. stick around! (engine roaring) ( ♪ )

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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody! right over there! give it up for the band, over there! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: oh, my goodness. oh, my goodness. i am-- jon, i'm so excited. i'm so excited. ( cheers and applause ) thanks, everybody. i am super excited. tonight is a very special night for me because my old friend dana carver is going to be out here. >> jon: "of the "dana carvey show." and simon pegg. he gave me my first break on a network television show. "dana carvey show." this week, we're hearing a lot about trump's new national security advisor and dentist realizing he just killed his patient, john bolton. ( laughter ) bolton is a well-known war hawk.

he's called for war with iran and made the case for preemptive attacks on north korea. he can be just as aggressive in his personal behavior, evidentally. in 2005, a republican congress refused to confirm him as u.n. ambassador because of reports he would "bully government analysts" and had "a history of berating and undermining anyone who attempted to challenge him." and keep in mind, this was before that was considered presidential. even worse, when a federal contractor criticized a deal bolton was working on, she said "bolton threw a tape dispenser at her, shouted threats, chased her down a moscow hotel hallway, pounded on her door and 'generally behaved like a madman.'" which is easily the second-worst thing a member of this administration has done in a russian hotel. ( laughter ) ( applause ) allegedly. allegedly. the so this is very unnerving. our incoming national security

advisor, john bolton, is being portrayed as an unstable warmonger. here to refute that image is ambassador john bolton. ambassador bolton, sir-- ambassador bolton, thank you for joining us. >> oh, my pleasure, stephen. it is very important to me that nobody thinks president trump has handed the keys to the war machine to some sort of hair-trigger lunatic. >> stephen: well, that is very reassuring, sir. >> because if i heard someone say that, i'd blow them up quick! ( laughter ) trump's giving me the nukes! badda-boom. bam! ( applause ) >> stephen: sir, i just want to be clear: i am not the one saying those things about you.

>> good, because if you did, i'd chase you through a hotel flinging mini shampoos and staip lers at you. come on! come on, colbert! ( cheers and applause ) come on! you're next, saddam! ( laughter ) >> stephen: so, sir, you're saying there's no truth to the stories of you being an unhinged bully? >> stephen, those stories are not only hogwash and poppycock. they're also poppywash and hogcock. ( laughter ) i'm as soft and tame as general snowball. >> stephen: i'm sorry. who's general snowball? >> that's the name of my mustache. ( laughter ) he's my closest advisor and a brilliant tactician. >> stephen: well, sir, i can-- i can see he's served you well. served you well. now, mr. bolton, you have called for the use of military force

against north korea and iran. but is that really the best option? when you think about it, what about sanctions? ( laughter ) >> you know what they say: sanctions-schmanctions, mandy patanktions, i'm going to send some big fat tanks in! boom-boppity blim blam! >> stephen: well put. well put, sir. well put. i-- i feel like i do have to ask-- is your mustache getting larger? >> oh, yeah. don't worry about that. general snowball here just gets a bit engorged when he smells a war coming on. you want action, don't you, boy? ( purring ) ( laughter ) easy, fella!

here, have some shampoo. here you go. time for daddy. >> stephen: okay, okay. sir. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: okay, this is exactly-- exactly what people are worried about. you seem eager for war, and you now have the president's ear. >> who told you that? lies! this is not his ear! ( laughter ) once again, the fake news media is portraying me as some sort of deranged nutball. makes me want to boomskiddily-

diddly-boom-kaboom! >> stephen: please, please, calm down, sir! >> this is my calm, colbert! now you've gone and upset general snowball! ( mustache growls ) calm down. ( barking ) no, boy. stephen friend. stephen small, little, feminine man. ( laughter ) >> stephen: thank you. sir, do we or do we not need to worry about you advocating for preemptive strikes? >> stephen, i'm a rational man, and reason dictates that whether it's an ayatollah, some rogue king of denmark, or the person taking too long in line at the airport sbarro, you hit them first! biggity-boop-bopbam! ( laughter ) >> stephen: sorry.

ambassador bolton, i just want to make sure i understand what you're saying. are you saying, sir, that you, while you were trying to get lunch, punched a total stranger at-- and i want to make this clear-- you were at an airport sbarro's waiting for your pizza? ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> no, stephen. that would make me look like a crazy person. i took his ear! lunch time, general snowball! here we go. >> stephen: all right, all right, mr. bolton. after talking to you-- and i can't believe i'm saying these words-- i think you might be more unstable than donald trump. >> oh, come on, stephen. i'm not the madman that the media and my words and behavior

make me out to be. ( laughter ) i'm a very gentle and nurturing man. and to prove it, i'll breastfeed a puppy. come on! come on,inousle up, sugar buns. here we go. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i'll feed the world! >> stephen: john bolton, everybody! we'll be right back with dana carvey! [ buttons clicking ] [ camera shutter clicks ] so, now that you have a house, you can use homequote explorer. quiet. i'm blasting my quads. janice, look. i'm in a meeting. -janice, look. -[ chuckles ] -look, look. -i'm looking. it's easy. you just answer some simple questions online, and you get coverage options to choose from.

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"the late show,"" already in

progress. ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, you are so lucky to be here tonight. because-- thanks everybody. my first guest is one of the funniest people i've ever had the pleasure to call my boss. please welcome dana carvey! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> thank you! >> stephen: hey! >> good, gosh. >> stephen: nice to see you. >> i'm so happy to be here. i'm still talking in that other voice. i'm john bolton ♪ bolton, bolton, bolton ♪ keep the doggy rolling i'm just feeding from the energy before. >> stephen: i like it. >> stephen! >> stephen: when you see somebody like john bolton appear on the national scene, do you

go, "oh, what a lovely character?" like, "let me at him!" well, yo>> well, you know, we te libertys. the mustache was great. he's got the news talk, and he says crazy things, but he acts very calm. "i believe it's a wonderful thing when a nuclear weapon gets out of its tight silo and has a throbbing, aggressive trajectory toward another country." and you're like, "whaaat!" "i think there are many countries we have have to be worried about in terms of threats-- canada, france, norway, hawaii." "hawaii?" "well, they could become a nation stake and develop nukes." what i'm always looking for is the exaggeration point. >> stephen: sure. >> you're going from that and then the little heee"p" like an animal. >> stephen: when i worked for you on the "dana carvey show." you said, "don't worry if it doesn't sound like the person. >> you find your hook. can you do your angry gregory peck for the people over 50?

>> stephen: sure, i'll try. >> we threw so many things at stephen. you came in as a sketch player and writer. >> stephen: yeah. >> but you didn't fancy yourself as an impressionist. >> but you nailed geraldo -- >> stephen: it's funny bring that up. i remember, i remember-- it was during the o.j. trial this was going on. >> i did cato kalin. >> stephen: you did cato kalin. and the funny thing was-- so the "dana carvey show" was in winter into spring of 1996. >> basically, it was a show that went pheew, and was gone. and then there were cactus. >> stephen: kind of a legend-- it was a murderer's row. you and robert smigel, louie c.p. steve carell. me. >> stephen colbert. >> stephen: robert carlock who create "30 rock" with teeny, amazing group of people. >> freak gle and so we're-- the carvey-- the what you mccall

it, the o.j.s if trial it going on. and i find out, "dana can't find a hook for geraldo. you do it." >> i thought i was doing cato, which was basically garth, with a little more energy. >> stephen: so here's me as geraldo. >> and you as cato kalin. cato, my friend-- >> "i heard a thump, thump. and then o.j. was sweating." that's what i remember. you handled it well. >> stephen: well, thank you. but i have to-- i have to thank you for hiring me for that show. because i can draw a direct line from you hiring me for that show and being right here because all the jobs i got-- ( cheers and applause ) all work-- it's absolutely true. >> i like to think that's true. i don't fancy myself a talent scout. but we did look at 300 people and pretty soon, over time, we kept looking at the two steves. i think i nicknamed you, even

though it was stephen -- >> stephen: you did. >> steve carell and stephen colbert, when you guys were really unknown. i mean, nobodies -- >> stephen: no, we could not-- we could not get arrested. honest to god. >> but with outsized talent, crazy talent. >> stephen: that's me and carell on your show. this was "waiters who were nauseated by food." >> we did a lot of presentational comedy. the chyron would come up and say, "now presenting waiter waio are nauseated by food." >> stephen: "germans who say nice things." "skinheads from maine." >> do you remember "skinheads from maine." it can't air and we can't talk about it further but use your imagination. i used to go around doing the pet ridge farm, and i thought it would be fun tow have that guy be a skinhead. >> stephen: exactly. >> you came in with a crazy, weird, "to kill a mockingbird"

scwieb vooib. you would look at the ceiling and go-- what was your hook. >> stephen: yeah! "carving a hate stick to beat spaniards." you you see? why-- why were we canceled, dana? >> why! >> stephen: why on earth! >> why? i don't get it! ( cheers and applause ) i knew-- i knew when they weren't trying to raininous it didn't seem right. i said, "you want us to--" >> stephen: didn't they say-- >> you know when a show has lost faith. "should we do anything different, tame it down?" "oh, no, do whatever you want." >> stephen: abc had bought disney not that long before, right? >> right. we were an insane late-night show in prime time after "home improvement." >> stephen: which was the friendliest-- >> family. >> stephen: softest. >> like a puppy, sweet. >> stephen: a puppy filled with marshmallows. >> exactly. >> stephen: and the very first-- for people who have

forgotten because it's legend air at this point. >> the very first sketch we had bill clinton breast feeding these puppies. ( laughter ) and -- >> stephen: and, of course, if you're going to have bil bill clinton with multiple teets down your chest, it's very important that they what? >> that they lactate. >> stephen: actual milk. >> right. >> stephen: there were puppet puppeteers behind you with bulbs of milk. >> right. we just didn't know. we banked the sketch a month before. like should we start with that or oliver stone covers the revolutionary we're where i played bandaras-- michael played al pacino as george washington. "oh, yeah, we got to get some soldiers." we almost led with that. we did clinton teets, and they did the analytics purpose we were at 16 million viewers. three minutes later, we were at

800,000. but we made history, man. >> stephen: we sure did. >> we thumed our nose at the powers that be. noble failures going broke. yeah! >> stephen: we're get to take a break. stick around, i want to show some of our favorite sketches from "the caerve show." ( applause ) why did i want a crest 3d white smile?

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( applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! we're back with the great one, dana carvey. i just want to go over a couple of sketches that we did. >> . >> these sketches you can find on hulu now, but they were never broadcast. >> yeah, we banked some -- >> stephen: we shot them, and then they canceled us. >> yes. >> stephen: this was one-- this was-- this was "this week with david brinkley." >> right. >> stephen: on the great american scream machine, which we shot out at great america

here in new jersey. >> comedy acting on a roller coaster. >> stephen: one take with a camera on a front, no cuts. >> subfreezing, in which roller coaster tracks can get sticky, which i knew, and i didn't tell you guys. who was the scared guy. carell or smiegle. >> stephen: carell. and early morning on a saturday before they let the crowds in, something like that. >> and you were upside down. >> stephen: you're george will, i'm david brinkley, and we're he go wierks with me, as usual are george will, sam donaldson, and cokie roberts with the japanese makeang economic comeback, is there pressure to put the protectionist of buchanan on the platform? >> david, i think it's unfair to criticize the message because you don't like the messenger. this is not like-- oh, my god! aaarrrrggghhhh! knock it off, george! >> look at brinkley. ( cheers and applause )

what we do for comedy! >> stephen: never broadcast. >> never aired. >> stephen: never made to air. my favorite sketch that we did on your show-- >> which you -- >> stephen: on the "dana carvey show"-- >> which you wrote. >> stephen: i saw this it's story behind this is i saw-- we were in the cbs broadcast center, even though it was an abc show. >> yes. >> stephen: which is a whole other story. and i was watching eye thought the news, but in fact it was just the feed from the cbs news desk where dan rather was still the host it's anchor of the desk. and he was-- he starts doing ronald reagan's obituary. >> yes. >> stephen: and so i run into the writers' room, and i said, "hey, reagan died." and you guys went, "oh, okay thanks." and you went back to your sketch. because you guys were busy. >> we were busy. >> stephen: you were busy. so i go back to his office. oh, god i have to find out how he died. and rather is still there, and he goes like ( clears throat ) -- >> practicing different scenarios. >> stephen: let me try it again. and he's doing with a slightly

different tone. he's wearing seasonal neutral. >> in case it's in spring or fall. >> stephen: he's just banking the obituary for ronald reagan. i said to robert what if we did-- what if he had to do every scenario? instead of being general, what if he was incredibly specific and had to do every possible way. ( laughter ) a man could die. >> to be covered gr exactly. >> yeah, exactly. >> stephen: this is tom brokaw saying how gerald ford dieed in the most specific ways because he has to say all of them. jim. >> gerald ford dead today from an overdose of crack cocaine. ( laughter ). >> good, good. next. >> all right. stunning news from michigan as former president gerald ford was chopped into little bits by the propeller of a commuter plane. >> very good, one take. >> all right, we got it? >> no, we got eaten by wolves. >> what? come on. >> just read it, please, tom. >> gerald ford isn't going to be

eaten by wolfs. >> taft was. >> really? taft? ( laughter ). >> yeah. >> all right. tragedy today as former president gerald ford was eaten by wolves. he was delicious. ( laughter ) >> oh, wow. ( cheers and applause ) that was-- one of your best sketches. one of your best. >> stephen: thank you for this job. thank you for show business. >> you would have made anyway. >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen the man is funny with the sound-off. "too funny to fail" is on hulu. it's like pre-ordering for the future. upgrades, every year? every year. upgrades, every year? every year. every year? every year. upgrades, every year? every year.

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welcome back to the show. ladies and gentlemen, you know my next guest from classics such as "shaun of the dead" and "hot fuzz," and from slightly bigger-budget cult classics like "star trek" and "mission impossible." he now stars in "ready player one." >> people don't live inside an asteroid arcade cabinet. >> i know that. >> yup.

people are living inside the arcade we built. >> i built. >> well... well, i guess you can say whatever you want. >> i don't really want to talk about it. >> of course, you don't want to talk about it. you're forcing me out. invention comes with responsibilities you didn't ask for. all right, if you make something people want or need, then it's up to you to set the limits. you have to make some rules. >> i don't want to make any more rules. >> i don't want to make any more rules. >> i'm a dreamer. >> i'm a dreamer. i build worlds. >> stephen: please welcome simon pegg! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> wow! >> stephen: hello. >> how lovely to be here. >> stephen: you've been in some amazing movie. people call them "nerd classics." "star trek," "dr. who."

the "mission impossible" movies. is "nerd" a nerm you grew up with in england? >> yeah, but it's kind of been reclaimed, you know. it's been taken back and being used in a positive way. it's been reversed and de-- you know. >> stephen: right. which i don't like. >> no. >> stephen: i believe nerd should have its negative connotation. because i was a deep, deep nerd. i was a deep nerd, and nerd was used as a weapon against us. >> yeah. >> stephen: and i had to suffer through being a nerd. today's nerds, it's just-- it's all so easy for them. >> they -- >> stephen: they don't understand anything. >> no. >> stephen: but were you a nerd? >> yeah. well, i grew up on-- i was a kid of the 70sand drew up on "star wars" and "star trek," and those things i eventually got to be in which is strange. it makes me a pain on set. >> stephen: does it. >> yeah, like, no, no, no, no. i think you'll find it's a bubble of subspace which the

'enterprise prize'"-- >> stephen: is dragged along with it. >> it's space time being warped. so, yes, i'm a pain on set. >> stephen: have you-- have you-- have you made suggestions to, like-- things that weren't in a script. you said, "could we do this?" i've been nearly kicked off the set. >> really. >> stephen: i got to be a spy in the lake town in the honest, and they said that's enough we understand it's called eskarof. but we're calling it long lake. you can go. you have annoyed people enough to get an idea in the show. >> when we did "the force awakens" i did a big fat guy, blob-fish looking -- >> stephen: that's you? >> that's me. yeah. >> stephen: i am not-- i-- i kid thee not. i have been trying to figure out who's face that is. >> it's mine! >> stephen: are you credited or is it noncreditted? >> yes, but it's lower. at that point in the film he's the owner of the millennium

falcon. as a "star wars" fan growing up the idea of that i would be the older of the millennium falcon doesn't make me tongue tied in anyway anyway. i was extremely excited. i shot my scenes on the planet jaku, which is sort of the desert planet. >> stephen: sure. >> i e-mailed j.j. abrams and said the milenual falcon, the empire put a honing beacon on the falcon and traced it to the rebel base at the end. what if the homing beacon was on aboard, and they used it to track ray to the pal expas catch up with him there and have another scene? and-- ( laughter ) and j.j. was like, "okay. of. so we shot the scene in the film where uncar catches up to ray, and chewbacca pulls his arm off and throws it across the room. wasn't in the film at the end because j.j. realized it was pointless. ( laughter ) i was like, "i don't care. it happened."

chew booka pulled my arm off. end of story. fantastic. >> stephen: the new movie is "ready player one." people call it a sci-fi movie. you call it a "future fact." what does that mean? >> someone said this the other day because it's basically about a virtual reality world. it's 2044. this world has been created. everybody kind of goes there because it's more interesting and more fantastic than the real world is. it's a little bit of a social media allegory. it's a place where you can project your own truths, create yourself in your own way. you know the kind of thing people do on social media these days. >> stephen: sure, uh-huh. ( laughter ). >> i can just-- having-- having watched the monologue-- just as a brief diversion. it must be so fun to be a comedy writer in america at the moment. surely you guys show up to work really late, read the marine and transcribe it and say on air, right? that's pretty much what you do. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: i can tell you this-- i-- i will-- i promise

you i will no way upset my writers to say it just writes itself, simon. ( laughter ) it's like medicine, though. you have to-- you have to write the stuff or else what are you going to do with the feelings inside? >> as we in the rest of the world cower in terror, it's a real refreshing thing to watch you every day. >> stephen: thank you! >> feeling okay with it. >> stephen: we don't feel okay with it. ( laughter ) show business! >> yes anyway, no. >> stephen: i'm look forward to "ready player one." >> future fact. it's a very likely future for us. it's a virtual reality. it's already kind of there. >> stephen: keep it light. i mean it's not a happy future. >> no, but i think we could get-- like "blade runner" the original was set a year from now and we're not there yet, are we. but with this in 2044, i think we could be in a pla where you go into a virtual world. >> stephen: have you done virtual reality? >> yes. but feel sick because they think their brian has been poiseond.

if you feel movement and your body is stable your brain thinks it's poison and makes you throw up because it thinks there's something toxic in it. that's what travel sickness is. a great fact. people doing vr at the moment, people are doing a lot of spewing. let's get that sorted and we can live into the fake world. >> stephen: if this one doesn't get sorted i might go into the fake world. thank you so much for being here. >> thank [nature sounds]

you are worthy of your dreams. put them.... on the internet... ♪

"the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be emily blunt, from showtime's "the circus;" john heilemann and alex wagner; and musical guest kacey musgraves. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show ♪ ladies and gentlemen, all the way