tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS July 17, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> see you then. goodnight. captioning sponsored by cbs and now the "late show" exclusive, stephen colbert's post-summit interview of sean hannity's interview of president trump. >> stephen: president, right off the bat, i've got to say, wow, what a summit. you managed to bring both sides to have the aisle together to agree that you historically sucked. how do you think your buddy vlad came off? >> i thought president putin was very, very strong. >> stephen: how's your relationship with him? >> the relationship with him is very good, you saw the nice let her wrote. >> stephen: i do. i have a copy right here. eth actually two letters. ( laughter ) what else can you tell us about the man? >> president putin is very much into, uh --
>> stephen: undermining our democratic process, having the u.s. over a barrel -- don't tell me, i'll get this -- playing you like a fiddle! what am i doing, whoon why don't i just go to the source? hello. president putin, what are you very much into? >> walks on the beach, quiet evenings at home and murder. >> stephen: good to know. ( laughter ) i'm back. now, some people say, by denying russian interference, you're either a puppet of the regime or just dumb. let's test your intelligence. what does the cow say? >> ruff. >> stephen: that's what a dog says but close, same number of legs. so you were alone with him over two hours. in all that time did you get anything tangible out of the meeting? oooh, a cork ball.
that's fun. he even signed it. vladimir putin, please plug this soccer ball into usb port of white house computer. ( laughter ) >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! intthe woods. plus stephen welcomes chrissy metz, lewis black and musical guest luke combs, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: hey! hey! lovely! lovely! please have a seat, everybody! sit down! thank you so much!
welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheering ) one day after his disastrous summit with vladimir putin, it's starting to dawn on a lot of people: trump may be a bad president. even trump officials are embarrassed by his putin show. now they're embarrassed? "i was with him on the nazis and the imprisoning children, but siding with the russkies? they killed apollo creed." ( laughter ) wolverines! wolverines! different movie but similar idea! ( laughter ) now, right after the summit, trump thought he did great, until he got on air force one and "his mood grew foul as the breadth of the critical reactions became clear." (as trump) "don't worry about these clowns, it's fake news. turn on fox. gah!"
( laughter ) >> jon: that's what he sounds like. >> stephen: actually hurt a little. ( laughter ) and, apparently, "aides steered clear of the front of the plane to avoid being tapped for a venting session with trump." "ah, attention passengers, this is your pilot speaking. you're gonna wanna fasten your seat belts because no one's flying this plane. i am not going up there." ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) so, this afternoon, trump went into emergency spin mode and summoned republican leaders to the white house to watch his induction into the lying hall of fame. he started by talking about the highlight of his trip. >> we met with the queen, who is absolutely a terrific person, where she reviewed her honor guard for the first time in 70 years, they tell me. >> stephen: then they lied to you, because she hasn't even been queen for 70 years, and here she is doing it just a few years ago. but that's just a warm-up lie.
trump knows you gotta limber up before you start yanking the big ones out of your keister. he also bragged about how well things had gone during the nato summit. >> i entered the meeting with the firm conviction that diplomacy and engagement is better than hostility and conflict, and i feel that with everybody. when i left everybody was thrilled. >> stephen: that is not a lie. that one i believe. we'd all be thrilled if you left. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) then, look at what happened the moment he addressed his public betrayal of the intelligence community. >> let me begin by saying that once again, the full faith and support for america's intelligence agency, i have full faith in our intelligence
agencies. whoops, they just turned off the lights. that must be the intelligence agencies. there it goes. okay. are you guys okay? good. that was strange. >> stephen: (as trump) "that was strange. putin told me the attack on the power grid wasn't supposed to be til next tuesday. ( laughter ) well, i guess i'll start strangling my cabinet now. mnuchin, get over here." after the lights went back on, trump tried his best to support his intelligence agencies. >> i accept our intelligence community conclusion that russia's meddling in the 2016 election took place. could be other people also. there's a lot of people out there. >> stephen: no! you shanked even that! you either accept it was russia, or say it could be other people. you can't do both!
(as trump) "i, donald, take you, melania, to be my lawfully wedded wife. although i could take other people also, there's a lot of people out there." ( laughter ) you know, he should issue a wanted poster. wanted for hacking the 2016 election: russia, somebody else, or everybody else. and a lot of people were upset yesterday when trump said this. >> my people came to me. dan coates came to me and some others said they think it's russia. i have president putin, he just said it's not russia. i will say this, i don't see any reason why it would be. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: "would be." he's really hit that word. "would be." as usual he's leading with his would. ( laughter ) as usual, he's leading with his "would."
so he sees no reason why russia would hack our election. that needs no clarification. >> i realized that there is a need for some clarification. >> stephen: oh, i stand corrected. okay, mr. president, let's see how dumb you think the american people are: >> in a key sentence in my remarks, i said the word would instead of wouldn't. the sentence should have been "i don't see any reason why i wouldn't-- or why it wouldn't be russia." >> stephen: yes, the sentence should have been that. it was not. but who among us hasn't said the exact opposite of what he just said in front of cameras on multiple occasions? sorry, let me clarify. that sentence should be "who among us has not not done that." if you could just add a new word in. what's next? (as trump) "after charlottesville, i meant to say there's bad people on both sides. and also on that bus, i meant to say 'respect her by th
pussy. ( audience reacts ) okay. remember what he said? and i'm -- and i'm just -- ( applause ) so of all the terrible words he said in that press conference, you're taking back only one of them. "i meant to say 'wouldn't.' but that part where i was asked to condemn putin, but instead i improvised a surrealist slam poem about hillary's email server? nailed it." trump un-re-non-clarified further. >> just to repeat it, i said the word would instead of wouldn't and the sentence should have been and i thought i would be maybe a little bit unclear on the transcript or unclear on the actual video, the sentence should have been "i don't see any reason why it wouldn't be russia", sort of a double negative. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yes, it's a double
negative like "donald" and "trump." ( cheers and applause ) does that work? we have a great show for you tonight. chrissy metz is here. and when we return, a new russian spy! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) my father passed this truck down to me, that's the same thing i want to do with you. it's an emotional thing to watch your child grow up and especially get behind the wheel. i want to keep you know, stacking up the memories
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jon, i have been thinking about the summit in helsinki.h,ow >> stephen: you know, some peoplee chuck haga -- chuck schumer said,s i don't know why he would throw america under the bus. what is the possible explanation? you know, could he be an agent of the russian government? and said, no, no, it's just a stupid thing for him to do. i'm not sure that was better. >> jon: no. >> stephen: it would be like the school saying to the parents, calm down, we saw the bus going all over the road, i assure you the driver was not drunk, he's just a maniac. we don't have control over it. so it's going to be fine. ( laughter ) folks, we've been focused on the fallout from trump's honeymoon
in helsinki, but back home, we've got different russian assets to deal with. we all remember the kremlin-connected lawyer who met with don junior, natalia veselnitskaya -- ( piano riff ) ( laughter ) but we just learned about a new trump campaign-linked russian spy maria butina. ( band playing ) that's right. butina is a russian national who was arrested sunday and yesterday was charged with conspiracy to act as an agent of the russian federation. as long as we're charging people with that now, i heard about this one guy, who just got back from helsinki... i can get you his address if you need it. so, who is this russian spy? apparently, butina is a 29-year- old gun-rights activist and former furniture store owner from siberia. 29 is young to be involved in espionage, and really young to own a furniture store. ( laughter )
according to the affidavit butina worked to set up "back channel" communications between americans and the kremlin and moved to infiltrate an american gun rights organization as part of her pro-kremlin operations. now, the affadavit doesn't specify which american gun rights organization-- it's the n.r.a. here she is colloodling with n.r.a. executive wayne lapierre, wisconsin governor and n.r.a. supporter scott walker and former n.r.a. president david keene. so, either she's really tight with the n.r.a., or these are photos from the worst disney world trip ever. "honey, it's a 40-minute wait to meet buzz lightyear, but there's no line for wayne lapierre!" and back in 2015 at a town hall, she was actually the first person to ask trump about russia. >> my question will be about foreign politics. if you would be elected as a president, what will be your foreign politics, especially in
relationships with my country? >> i know putin, and i'll tell you what, we'll get along with putin. i believe i would get along very nicely with putin, okay? >> stephen: you gotta admit, he kept that campaign promise. ( laughter ) butina really wasn't great at keeping her secret identity under wraps. as a student at american university, she claimed multiple times to have been a conduit between the trump campaign and russia, with one professor telling the "daily beast," "she said so in my class. and she said so several times in the last semester." wait, so let me get this straight. she's a russian operative trying to influence trump and her secret identity is... russian operative trying to influence trump. it would be ibr id, "hi, in wayne, i mean, bruce batman, i mean, batman batman. damn it!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) she seems nice. she seems nice.
and she was even less subtle with the trump campaign itself. in may of 2016, butina attempted to arrange a meeting between putin and trump. the subject line of one email she sent was "russian backdoor overture and dinner invite." surprising. most people do dinner and drinks before the backdoor overture. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) but -- but -- trump didn't end up meeting putin for dinner, but this is -- but she still had an intimate relationship with one a member of his transition team and they spent over $30 million to support trump's campaign and now the f.b.i. is investigating whether russian money was illegally funneled to the n.r.a. to help donald trump win. ( audience reacts ) now, there isn't any definitive proof yet that links this
all the way to donald trump, but if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and illegally uses russian money to elect a kremlin-approved candidate like a duck... then in 2016, american voters got ducked. ( laughter ) we'll be right back with "this is us"'s chrissy metz. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪ charmin ultra soft! it's softer than ever. charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. and it's softer than ever... so it's harder to resist. okay, this is getting a little weird. we all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin?
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to "the late show"! ladies and gentlemen, you know my first guest as kate from the hit show "this is us." she's also written a book called "this is me." please welcome, chrissy metz! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
>> yea! >> stephen: welcome to the show. >> thank you. i feel very fancy to be here. >> stephen: what did you say? i feel very fancy to be here. >> stephen: well, you are a fancy person. you're a big star of a hit tv show. what could be fancier? >> i don't know. i'm very grateful. >> stephen: but you weren't always as fancy as now. >> no. >> stephen: your start in showbiz was helping other people turn into fancy people because you were an agent? >> a talent agent for nine years is that that's a long time to be in the trenches. >> uh-huh. >> stephen: how do you get somebody a job? i've had agents, i've had the same agent for over 20 years, as far as i can tell, it involves a lot of smoking and saying "listen, baby "-- . >> yes. >> stephen: so where did you work. >> two pretty big firms in
los angeles. buckwald and abrams, which were great place to learn a lot. but i said, i am not an agent.et of bees with honey and not vinegar and sometimes they expect you to have the vinegar. and i was, like, i can't be sassy and bratty and mean and aggressive. >> stephen: who you supposed to be sassy and bratty and aggressive to? >> when, you have to be mean whrks you're -- >> stephen: oh, obviously not your clients. ( laughter ) you're never going to work! >> no, i represented the underdog, people who weren't going to make money overnight. i believed in them, so i had to get clever andfriend, evnsahe's. okay, we'll see him.
what a range. >> stephen: sure, sure, yeah. like you how gary oldman and bob saget, right? you got an edge, you got some funny, you're handsome, right? ( applause ) >> stephen: you could see me raising abadorable girl with two other guys? >> yes, yes. >> stephen: also being dracula on the sly. >> right. >> stephen: did you work -- i hear you work with kids. >> yes. >> stephen: was it hard to represent children? >> you know, it's not that it's hard to represent the children. it's really the momagers, as people call them. god bless them, they really want their kids to do well but sometimes they live vicariously through the children. one little boy came in and said, i don't really want to be an actor and audition but my mom said if i do i get a toy from target. i said, okay, you want to do the monologue? he said, yeah, i'll do it.
and i said, great, do it and we'll tell m di d et a toy. >> stephen: joseph gordon levitt is that boy. ( laughter ) unbelievable. you were a pre-school teacher, also. god bless you for teaching the children. how does one be a good pre-school teacher? >> with well, i think you have to be very patient. >> stephen: sure. very patient. >> stephen: is there any crossover between being an actor and being in show business? >> yes, you have to be very patient. we use props at circle time, like to keep the interest. >> stephen: i'm sorry? circle time. >> stephen: it's been a while since i was in pre-school. >> has it? you look so young. you sort of welcome the kids in the morning and read a story. >> stephen: they're on the floor, a little bit of rug -- >> circle time. >> stephen: oh, circle time. right. >> stephen: right. o you read the book and it helps the separation between the
parent and kid and kind of a distraction. kids say the darnedest things and one little boy used to sit next to me. he was new. i said, sit next to me. he touched my leg and he said, miss chrissy, you need to shave... ( laughter ) i said, i don't have time tore shaving, i'm teaching kids things and being all the farm animals on the farm. >> stephen: you're being all the farm animals on the farm? did you do impressions? >> you have to engage the kids. >> stephen: what does the cow say? >> mmmmooooo! >> stephen: so good. kids are just the best. >> stephen: i understand you thought props were an important thing. >> sure! like you can have puppets and props. >> stephen: that's like show business, too. >> yes, one to have the teachers we co-taught together, she scared the kids to clean up. she brought this -- well, she lived in the country and brought
this old jawbone of some animal who i think died on her property. >> but recognizable as a jawbone? >> you saw the teeth, the jaw. >> stephen: part of a dead animal. >> yes, and wrapped it with horse hair and put a rubber band wit and she said, oh, you don't want to clean up? this is what's under your bed! the kids loved it. >> stephen: sound like testimony from the mcmartin trial. that is truly dark! are you part of a cult? >> no, sounds like it. >> stephen: a little bit? no, an amazing, loving teacher. she was so much fun, but, yeah. >> stephen: now you've just kicked this acting thing to the curb, jumped on the future bus of books right here because your first book is the number one "new york times" best seller debuting at number one -- >> thank you. >> stephen: -- called "this is
me." >> unreal. >> stephen: right there straight to the stop. number one with a bullet. so you're talking about showing up for yourself. >> yeah. >> stephen: what does that mean? what are you trying to say when you say show up for yourself? >> for me, as far as acting goes, i'm sort of a late bloomer. everybody on the show has lists of credits, and i'm, like, i've done co-starring and guest starring stuff. i'm, like, am i good enough to be on the show. and it's like, chrissy, get in the car, put the clothes on they tell you to put on, and read the lines and prepare and just show up for yourself because you just have to get through it sometimes. >> stephen: show up for yourself and do the work. >> do the work. just let me do the job i was hired to do. >> stephen: did you say that to the kids when you were an agent? >> it was like watching your
boyfriend take a woman out every night v fun on your audition. but we're here to be service and if i could be of service to people doing what i want to do then i'm putting that investment away in myself, as well. it was a very long gift. ( laughter ) >> stephen: sure. i've worked on a few books. it's -- it can be an all-consuming and exhausting process. how long did this take you to do? >> four months. >> stephen: while you were working -- >> second season and award season which was really tricky, yeah. >> stephen: why is award season even trickier? >> it's because you go to so many different events and you're also preparing for the show and you also call your ghost writer and you're, like, i don't know if you want to hear about the story i have to tell you because i don't know if i can tell the story anymore -- >> stephen: do you have a ghost writer? >> yes, kevin o'leary, my ghost
writer, my therapist and became my friend. so instrumental in the process. >> stephen: most people don't give credit to their ghost writers. you're a very nice person. you should teach pre-school. >> okay! ( applause ) >> stephen: now, on the show, your character sings, and you also sing. how do you sing on camera? like, how do you i think the zing in front of people? because i like to sing sometimes. what makes me most nervous is singing in front of other people. >> music is my first love. it's one of the scariest things because i feel super vulnerable. sort of like standup comedy and you're really bearing your soul. kate is in the process of finding her footing as a singer, so if i don't hit a right note it's just, okay, it's kate, she's in the process. i lean on that. you use the nerves and
everything. it is very nerve racking. also you have to do it -- people are just staring at you. they're not going to cap. not necessarily clapping on camera, right. >> stephen: sure. and like the first season when we did the time after time, we were in an old folks home. now, i don't know if these extras, these background artists were actually sleeping or told to sleep but they were not interested in what i was singing. i was, like, i'm going to use this and probably pea my pants, so it was nerve racking. >> stephen: do you have any tricks to get you through? >> breathe. >> stephen: breathing is good. in general very good. >> stephen: can apply to almost anything. >> but sort of like a conscious breathing of grounding yourself and also knowing that, like, if i hit the wrong note, who cares and really it's about the story thaiment telling and if i'm having a good time and if i'm enjoying the process, the audience will as well. >> stephen: well, you're the last member of the family from
"this is us" to be here. i have been trying to collect all of you. >> i love that! >> stephen: i've finally done it. we actually got this, this is >> thiis my phone. >> stephen: we got out of your dressing room. >> yes. >> stephen: would you mind if we took a selfie and sent it out? >> yeah, they're going to be like, thank god. here we go. let me turn the camera around. okay, perfect. ta-da! >> stephen: we did it! ( piano riff ) >> yay! >> stephen: "this is me" is available now and "this is us" returns this fall! chrissy metz, everybody! we'll be right back with lewis black! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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>> stephen: oh, lewis... ( laughter ) what's it been? seven or eight months since you and i were together? >> yeah. >> stephen: i have known you since you were an angry young man. ( laughter ) and how are you coping these days? how are you holding it together? >> i have a suggestion. >> stephen: what? this is the way i think that all americans should approach these times. everyone, no matter what side you're on at this point -- >> stephen: sure. nobody's happy. >> everybody's miserable. see, what you do -- everybody turns on the tv when they wake up. don't! okay? because what happens is immediately you go, oh, my god! we're all gonna die! so what you doin' stead is you go to the stove, turn on a
burner, put your head down and light your hair on fire, and then you spend the day putting that fire out. and people call and say, what did you do today? you say, my hair was observe fire -- on fire and i put it out. and at least you accomplished something that day. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: because otherwise, your hair's on fire and you don't do anything. i hesitate to ask, but did you catch any of yesterday's excitement, the summit in helsinki, the secret two hours we didn't get to see and the post-summit press conference with vladimir putin and donald trump? >> yes, because i was coming on your show, so i had to watch it! >> stephen: we have cameras and everything here. >> oh, no! see, this is the thing, there should be a constitutional amendment that, during the summer, unless it's really important, the president has to
shut up! ( laughter ) doesn't say anything to us, unless there's something really major. why? because it's summer. okay? that's our time! not his time! that's our time! ( cheers and applause ) this is the time for us to barbecue, eat lots of fatty foods. he eats fatty foods every day! this is our time to just relax and have a good time, okay? i don't need to have him telling me that we've got a problem with n.a.t.o., all right? why? because i don't have a problem with n.a.t.o. i don't need him telling me russia is our best friend. why? because they're not our best friend! so i don't know need this -- >> stephen: cbs, now. i was good, didn't i?
i stopped! mommy, i stopped! ( laughter ) >> stephen: you have a t-shirt on there, national comedy center. >> yes. >> stephen: what is the national comedy center and are you contractually obligated to wear their t-shirt on television? >> yes. >> stephen: what is that?s a cey that has been built -- >> stephen: nationally. -- nationally. ( laughter ) it's in, of all places, jamestown, new york. >> stephen: okay, sure, known for -- >> it's the ancestral home of lucille ball. >> stephen: ancestral meaning she was born there? >> she was born there. ( applause ) they, for a long time, had a festival for her, about her. you know, it was the lucille ball comedy festival, i participated in that, numbers of comics did, and out of that arose the idea of creating a national comedy center, and that opens august 1. i have been involved with it. my friend kelly carlin, george
carlin's daughter, she really kind of kicked off the -- really got it moving in the right direction. she gave all of george carlin's stuff to the comedy center, so it's all there now. >> stephen: i love comedy, i'm a student of comedy, what can i see there and get there that i don't get. >> let me give you this so you can go. >> stephen: okay, national comedy center. >> you wear that wrist band and because you're my friend, i'm only going to charge you five bucks. >> stephen: what is that? there's like a chip inside there. >> there's, like, a computer chip. >> stephen: this is how you're tracking me? >> that's the newest. >> stephen: what's that for? when you enter the national comedy center, you come to a screen, they take -- a picture is taken of you and you pu tha w u'alo somebody -- the two of us, if there was a tech moment -- if there was a tech show, do you know how long
that show would be on with the two of us? eight seconds! >> stephen: it's somehow read and scanned -- >> and up comes a whole bunch of comics' names, like 100 of them, you pick the ones you like, you pick the comedy movies you like, the comic tv shows you like, then you enter the center. then you go from place to place, and when you arrive -- >> stephen: it knows you're there and directs you to the right place? >> yes. >> stephen: if i say i like cosby, does it take me straight to jail? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> no, but i'm gonna suggest that. >> stephen: exactly. re-think this choice. >> yes. so it takes you around and it really does -- i mean, you walk into one area is all george's -- all these little papers he did with just one line on them. >> stephen: his notes. his notes. >> stephen: how he would create his routine.
>> right, you press a button and all the notes show up. >> stephen: did you ever talk to george? >> yes. >> stephen: he was one of my heros. i never had a chance to meet him. >> i got a chance to talk to him on a couple of occasions, and he was extraordinary. what's really amazing there is you really get a sense there of just how much he put in the creation of a set. it was like a composer and a playwright and truly an artist, which is why i think the comedy center is important, because kind of like what we do as a craft. who knew, you know? >> stephen: oh, you guys just go to work and laugh all day. >> yeah -- ( laughter ) and they have a whole section -- there's a place to go see all the kind of late night shows that have been done from the beginning on. >> stephen: is this show in there? >> yes. >> stephen: really? no one asked me. >> they don't have to. they just come and grab your
stuff and throw it up there. that's the way it is because cbs said, hey, ha ha! screw him! put him out there! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: and i'm honored. and i'm honored. the national comedy center opens august 1 and you can catch lewis on tour in new orleans on september 15. lewis black, everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by luke combs. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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are you watching a movie ♪ that you've seen a thousand times ♪ maybe playing some mayer getting lost ♪ in your favorite lines well, if you're ♪ anything like me you just might be ♪ doing whatever it takes to drown out the noise ♪ but i just wanna hear your voice ♪ and i'm one number away from calling to you ♪ i said i was through but i'm dying inside ♪ got my head in a mess, girl i confess i lied when i said ♪ i'm leaving and not coming back ♪ might be the whiskey or the midnight rain ♪ but everywhere i go i see your face ♪ in my brain, dial it up everything i want to say ♪ but i'm still one number away ♪ ♪
are you stuck at a red light ♪ with a marlboro light on your lips ♪ does the smoke in your mirror get clearer without my kiss ♪ are you changing the station replacing our favorite song ♪ maybe it's a mistake hit the brakes, i'm moving on ♪ well, if you're anything like me ♪ you just might be doing whatever it takes ♪ to outrun the storm but i'm almost out that door ♪ and i'm one number away from calling to you ♪ i said i was through but i'm dying inside ♪ got my head in a mess, girl i confess i lied when i said ♪ i'm leaving and not coming back ♪ might be the whiskey or the midnight rain ♪ but everywhere i go
i see your face ♪ in my brain, dial it up everything i want to say ♪ but i'm still one number away will you pick up when i call ♪ or just forget we loved at all we don't have to talk ♪ i just wanna hear your voice and i'm one number away ♪ from calling to you i said i was through ♪ but i'm dying inside got my head in a mess, girl ♪ i confess i lied when i said i'm leaving and not coming back ♪ might be the whiskey or the midnight rain ♪ but everywhere i go i see your face ♪ in my brain, dial it up everything i want to say ♪ but i'm still one number away
good night! captioning sponsored by cbs access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't-don't-don't you worry ♪ where you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen all the way from inside a gopher hole, give it up to your host
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