tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS July 18, 2018 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
have a good night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> and a key sentence in my remarks i said the word "would" instead of "wouldn't." the sentence should have been i don't see any reason why it wouldn't be russia. srt of a double negative. (applause). ♪ double negative what's your function. ♪ a desperate way to not side with the russians. ♪ double nelg tiff how's your function. ♪ confusing the people with sentence construction. ♪ when you said something positive, that is horribly negative, add another negative to make it positive. for instance, the president isn't in putin's pocket.
the president isn't not in putin's pocket. let's try it again. the president wasn't owned by kim jung-un, the president wasn't owned by kim jung-un, not. the president isn't trust worthy, or let's just let that one stand. double negative. ♪ that's your function. ♪ mtal disfunction. ♪ like lying an cheating collusion and cheating lying. arian rooting and bowing to putin. ♪ trump can't never won't tell the truth oh! no hen did!'t stephen colbert. tonight steven welcomes anderson cooper and andy cohen. dominic cooper. and musical guest beck. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york
city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause). >> senor hey. hey. hey, everybody. all right, please, sit down, everybody, thank you very much. welcome one and all to the late show, i'm your host stephen colbert. you know, thank you. thank you for your support because i need it. you know, they say that time heals all wounds and they are wrong. (laughter) time can also fester all wounds. and then you have to start lopping stuff off before it spreads. and i'm beginning to think it's time to reach for the bone saw because anybody who still believes donald trump at this
point is gangrene on the body politic. (cheers and applause) got to go, got to go for the rest of thed aboutee but don't give me the saw because i'm feeling a little shaky. i'm about as shaky as i have felt since the night he won. back then my biggest fear is we had elected an asset of the russian government who would sell out america at every opportunity just to save his own hide. my biggest fear now is that i was right. a lot of people-- a lot of people-- (cheers and applause) , a lot of people have been upset since helsinki where donald trump did not put america first. he did not say hey, putin, i know you messed with our election and if you do it again we're going to kick your ass. instead donald trump blamed america and sucked up to putin. >> people came to me, dan coates
came to me and some others. they said they think it's russia. i have president putin, he just said it's not russia. i will say, this i don't see any reason why it would be. >> you can understand why people are upset. that's like paul revere saying the british are "come from awaying," the british are coming, this way, british, follow me, we'll get them while they're sleeping, p-we, p-wpe-w. pe-w. and after getting caught publicly betraying the country he's the president of, yesterday donald trump kunningly fixed it. >> the key sentence in my remarks, i said the word "would" instead of wouldn't. the sentence should have been i don't see any reason why i wouldn't-- or why it wouldn't be russia. >> okay, all good.
i see no reason why you would be a traitor, i'mori wouldn't. (cheers and applause) and remember can't remember, now i can't remember. anyway, fixed. but in the interest of fairnetss because we're nothing if not fair at the late show-- (laughter) and i'm blg told we're nothing, anyway, here's what it would have sounded like if he had said what he claimed he meant. >> my people came to me, dan coates came to me and some others. they said they think it's russia. i have president putin. he just said it's not russia. i will say, this i don't see any reason why it wouldn't be. >> okay, all right. that fixesxd it.
(applause) >> smooth, that fixes the only word he claims he got wrong. i'm just curious, did he say anything else? >> have i great confidence in my intelligence people but, i will tell that you president putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today and what he did is an incredible offer. >> that is pretty terrible. but you know what, maybe he meant to say this. >> i have great confidence in my intelligence people. but i will tell you that president putin was extremely-- wrong and bad. >> in his denial today and what he did was. >> grounds for war. >> trump doesn't even understand why people on all sides of the political spectrum are horrified. this morning he tweeted, so many people at the higher end of intelligence loved my press conference performance in
helsinki. that i believe, i'm sure the highest ends of russian intelligence loved it. absolutely, i got to say, they loved it. i great r fr the bore isevis and natasha, keri russell, even that new russian spy l mdyaarioe loved it. he followed that up with while the nato meeting in brussels was an acknowledged triumph with billions of dollars more being put up by members of countries at a faster pace, the meeting with russia may prove to be in the long run an even greater success. you know who didn't acknowledge the nato meeting as a triumph? nato. (laughter) you can't declare your disasters success
successes. even members of trump's administration don't think this verbal turd is going to flush. one official warned, people aren't going to forget about this. it will be in the top three worst moments of his presidency. three? (laughter) three? (cheers and applause) three.- how uld youven chse?w-ho (laughte r) i would have trouble holding it to a billboard top 100. and coming in at number 47 bev's got trump thinks frederick douglass is still alive. and this one, this one is dedicated to little dylan pickle. so-- (laughter) trump's walk-back yesterday was more of a ndmb s ofha idiot to buy it jim, roll the idiots. >> i thought yesterday was a step forward and i'm glad that
it occurred. >> i'm glad the president retracted or sort of corrected his statement. >> i'm just glad he clarified it. >> i think he cleaned it up today. >> i take him at his board sns which words? , would or wouldn't because the president doesn't even take the president at his word. but there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why republican leaders won't stick up for democracy. they're scared. according to one gop strategist, i'm furious republicans are could wardly about trump but here is what they say in private, trump is a disgrace, i give fiery press conference tomorrow saying that. nothing changes. trump remains nuts and remains president, a nut beats me in the next primary. so how does my political suicide help? it reminded me of the famous moving speech from braveheart, they may take our lives but-- wait, they may take our lives? then how does that help anybody? let's be english.
(laughter) cheersz (cheers and applause) >> that's nowhere near, no nowhere near scottish. one political halys hasowt a tl end up. most republican members are willing to admit the president doesn't operate in reality but no, we're doomed in theiro next. as long as that is true, we're headed for a world with zero accountability that is adorable. but he thinks we're headed for zero accountability. what other hot predictions you got. you think the smartphones are tbing to catch on? but one-- about pencil inbut-- thank you. penicillin fans here tonight. but one republican did question trump's relationship with putin. illinois congressman and the next bachelor adam kinzinger.
>> it's one thing to have a relationship with vladimir putin, that is okay as two leaders of big country. but to have a friendship, is different, i quait the relationship to like a prison guard for jeffrey dahmer, you can have a relationship with jeff yee dahmer as his prison guard but don't be his friend because he's a really bad guy. >> okay. true, but in this analogy, trump doesn't want to be jeffrey dahmer's prison guard. he had a press conference with dahmer and said he believed him over the police. >> the cops are liars, my buddy jeff made me a fantastic meatloaf and i'm having seconds. i'm having seconds right now, i don't know-- oh wait, i'm sorry, i just checked the transcrypt, i got one word wrong, i meant manloaf and i'm having seconds. >> i want to knowhat your secret ingredient w is, it's so good. hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm.
but even trump's best friends at fox, the fox & friends have been flailing a bit to defend trump's comments in helsinki. >> well, look, there's a diff-- you know, a lot of people get confused. >> i'm not saying the president is confused. >> well, look, if there is a diff-- and the pretion-- not a lot of people have trouble lying-- not the president is lying and blah lalalala, is it over yet? (applause) well, fox news might be struggling to come up with positive things to say about the president's performance in helsinki. but you know who can always muster praise for the president, is the folks at our in-house news team, real news tonight. jim? welcome to real news tonights, i'm jill news lady. anorton. >> our top story, president trump met with a putin in helsinki. >> that certainly happened. >> and what did you think of that, jim?
>> why don't you say something first, jill? >> okay. yeah. my mom always said if you can't say something nice, just let the man talk. >> well, my mom always said it's not polite to talk with your mouth full and it's time for my pills. >> those look good. those look good, did you bring enough for mama. wit o nur number one trump fan, weatherman sunny showers, sunny. >> we got a great show four tonight. anderson keerp and andy cohen are here. join us, won't you? (applause)
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>> hi, everybody. (cheers and applause) welcome back. ladies and gentlemen, big night, give it up for jon batiste and stay human, right over there. give it up for them. thank you, jon. i need your energy, need your energy. you are in for such a treat, my first guests tonight are my two favorite ac's who host their own shows, from ac360 and watch what happens live, please welcome anderson cooper and andy cohen! cheesier (cheers and applause) >> good to see you.
(cheers and applause) >> on their i ll you, that is incredible. the people leapt to their feet right now. >> we'll never know which one it was for. >> you hand out at erhal before the show. >> i keep it all for me. >> oh really? that's bh st. >> welcome, good it see you again. good to see you again, always good to talk to you guys. >> yeah. >> we've never been on together. >> we have some water here for you anderson and i think you get nothing, and will you like it. >> all right. >> can i make you a drink. >> no it's fine, all good. >> you guys are doing this thing together called the ac two squared. that dope. e you guys friends in real
feou iliynof your-- like true friends. right? >> yeah. >> that's-- when can we cash in on this thing? we've been to about 50 cities. we have a whole run this fall in vegas and phillie and. >> wow, vegas. >> l.a. >> we-- twice. >> we helicoptered in and the coolest thing about playing in atlantic city as i'm sure you know, you helicopter in and land on top of it the golden nugget and as we were landing andy said oh my god, i feel like diana ross and i said that's weird, because i feel like frank sinatra. >> therein lies the difference between us. >> what is the show, what do you do, a little dance? >> it's like going to i bar with us and hearing all our best stories, basically. >> uh-huh. >> did you think about just going to a bar and charging people to come in and do this. >> that is an interesting idea. >> no, it is 3,000 seat
theaters, we have done it for three years. >> and i bet are you packing them in. >> country, we do all right. >> it's a lot of ladies who have had a liquid dinner before they get there. >> sure. >> and now they are ready for some dessert. >> absolutely. >> a little eyeandy. (applause) >> a little andy candy. >> andy candy. >> anderson's reality and i'm escape from reality. that is how we work. >> that is kind of true. just backstage i'm so happy are you here am i love talking to both of you but you seem so happy all the time. and if you watch ours sw ho yeah,we i know. >> he is the happiest guy i have ever met in my life. he's always happy and optimistic and you know. >> and he deals with real housewives. >> see that? >> i know. >> that's also a tragedy. >>e has convince. >> where do you find time to be friends because both of you have multiple projects, multiple shows. >> we text each other a lot and we do this tour so we get to
hang out that is really where the tour-- you get it hang out with one of your best friends. >> let's test how much you are friends, you have traveled together? >> many times, every year. >> we go to vacation one once or twice a year. >> nice places, i'm guessing. >> for real. (laughter) >> does he pick where, because i bet he is picking nice places. >> yes, he does pick. >> andy is in charge of anything fun, andy is in charge of where we go out after the show, after we do a tour, in whatever city we are in, andy decides, like we we in charlotte a few weeks ago and actually we had been to 50 cities. we went to our first house party. >> there was the most embarrassing time of my life. we showed up at these guise house party. somebody tld me about this house party, it sounded really fun. >> someone on instagram told him about some house party. >> someone you don't know. >> i mean i knew him casually. >> yeah, casually. >> on insta 2k3wr578. anyway, we showed up in some like random anonymous apartment
building in charlotte. we're like ding dong. >> how did it go? >> you know, i mean how would you feel if you are living in charlotte and a white walker walks into your house party, and like you know, jolly rancher. i mean it's like. >> i had fun. >> he's the jollee rancher. >> i like that. >> i couldn't come up with anything. >> well, let's talk a little bit about the world, anderson if you don't mind, and andy. >> yesterday or two days ago, who knows, a thousand years ago. >> it does fell like that. >> you called trump'sost disgraceful present on a world stage in my lifetime. (cheers and applause) >> it just popped out. i-- i'm not saying it proudly or
gleefully. it just popped out. the first thing i said as soon as the press conference was done, it sort of popped out of my mouth. >> you heard he changed one of the words right. >> yes, i did. it all makes sense now. >> sure. >> it is very clear. >> now st not disgraceful t is just graceful, the most graceful performance. >> yes. >> yeah. >> but he has the best words as he told us during the campaign. >> he has the best brain, is he a very stable genius. >> is he a stable genius.is i af you, does anyone else share my feeling that i find it offensive to call it a performance? that is a disgraceful performance it is not a performance, he is the president. he is just disgraceful. if it is a performance, it is even worse. >> yeah. it's funny though, wherever i go andy always texts me and st often very in con grews to what mi actually doing. >> did you text him in helsinki.
>> i'm on the air for a good 12 hours on and off. >> and i keep getting texts and i checked during commercial breaks and it is from andy saying like so how hot are the guys in helsinki? i'm like, i don't-- i'm on the air. >> while you are on helsinki i was hosting a new york housewives reunion. would anyone like to hear about that? thank you, thank you. >> yes, we would. >> it was hellous. >> well, much like trump and putin, carol and bethany. >> oh, no. >> yes. >> oh yeah, yeah, bethany is an oligarch. >> oh. >> she will poison her enemies with that skinny girl [bleep]. >> hasn't bethany now put out a statement correcting some of the words she used. >> that is a classic housewives apology, for real. >> what i meant to say was, you're a whore. >> yes, exactly.
>> okay, not a slut, okay. >> but con voinsed our worlds have joined. >> totally. he was hosting housewives reunion. >> those were presidential debates i was-- presidential debates. >> he saw my bit, he ends the trump-clinton debate by saying the only thing you can say when everything is going scorched earth at a housewives reunion, and have i done it on three reunions, can everybody say something nice about each other in the room. >> i remember that. >> first of all. >> and i texted him-- yeah. >> no, it wasn't. >> that is my thing! that is my thing! >> it was a townhall debate and that was anud y >> whatever, whatevs. >> they know the questions ahead of time. we share them with the candidates, we know about this. >> though thought it was a good idea. i am like that's my thing. >> let's get back to the news for a second here. how hot are the guys in helsinki, anderson. because we buried the lead here.
plawtion (applause) >> like you don't know, stephen. >> like i don't know, okay. we have to take a break. don't go anywhere. we will be rite back with more andy cldanrserde coopnd a hen. ac squared, y'all. entertainment options. it comes witf great, can you sign for this? yeah. hey, uh.. what's in that one? that's a shark. new and only with at&t, you can get unlimited data, 30+ channels of live tv, and your choice of things like hbo or pandora premium. more for your thing. that's our thing. visit att dot com.
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>> welcome back to the late show, i'm here with andy cohen and anderson cooper. the kids-- i agree, whooo! now andy, i knowed that you to explain politics, you need to explain something right now, here is, is this twitter on instagram what is this? >> that was my instagram story. >> okay on your instagram story you put a picture yourself it says mayor, question mark, yes, no, what gives. >> first of all what gives with what you are wearing, what are you-- like where is your pukka bead necklace. >> it says something, green hornet was a strain of marijuana.
>> yes. >> yes. >> he's your friend, don't look at me. >> he-- i won't even go anywhere. >> i was-- basically i'm responsible for cleaning up the trash in front of one of the buildings in my neighborhood because i was yammering about it on instagram for like six months. >> and now i feel like, and the building finally caved to my pressure. >> your building. >> no it's a building down the street. >> some random building around the corner from his apartment building. >> i was upset. >> he walks his friggin' dogs and he complains about the trash outside his building. >> there's trash everywhere in manhattan. >> guess what, i'm clean tupg one building at a time. and many people-- the rats are part of our public transportation system. (applause) >> to use a trump technique, many people think i should run for mayor. >> all right. what is the response, what is the response. >> oh, overwhelmingly t was 98% yes. >> anderson, are you ready tone dors, he's your friend.
>> no i think we're good. >> i think we're good, okay. okay. what is anderson full circle? what is that? is it. >> we just started a show on facebook that is on at 6:25 p.m. every night, except i think tonight because i think i will miss it because i'm here. but st only our third day of missing it. >> yeah, you will, you will miss it, wow so that is dedication. day three, sorry. sorry. >> daddy has got to sell his stage show. (laughter) >> what happens, is it like, is it like anderson cooper 360 but more. ly facebook.r mobile devices, >> everything is for mobile devices. >> but it's actually done vertically as opposed to horizontally. >> so you can't have those boxes where it is david over here. >> no, it is vertical. >> and very interactive soommend greop cle ain mak's cool. >> interactive, so it is the world wide web. >> st is using the information
superhighway. >> it kind of sounds like are you jacking my show because my show is interactive. >> yes, i know. >> is it vertical. >> it's not vertical, it is very horizontal, very horizontal. >> okay. all right. what, anderson, what happens now. now that the republicans without got mad yesterday now today for the most part went oh,'s satisfied. >> because what the white house did was give them just a basic figure leaf of cover to then say okay, i have to take the president at his word as you showed during yourtion. st called aoducr monologu ie,nta 15 minute introduction to anderson cooper is what you called it. >> no, believe me, i was counting the minutes because i got that facebook shoavment i was like oh, i'm going to miss it. this monologue is mighty long, great. >> it was a little tense back there. >> i bet. >> and andy, what is next for you, do you have a second show are you adding.
>> i do i have love connection on fox, absolutely, swi much like his facebook stuff. >> andy has monetized every moment of his life. when he's walking his dog, he's doing stuff on snapchat. >> the vanderbilt boy has a problem with me. >> well, well that's all we have time for, andy. >> oh man, very good. >> well, listen, folks. you can see them together, if this lasts, ac2 live.com. >> ac2live.com. would you like to do shall-- you can do this as well as i can. we are all talk show hosts. okay, it is a managea talk here, you can see them together on the ac2 square at anderson keerp and andy could mentioner everybody. we'll be right back, thanks very much, with dominic.
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great band and i don't care of any of it. >> i don't care about the job or new york or anything, i don't care about anything that isn't you. >> the party is still happening. >> look after the fireworks. >> guys here and these are my other two dads. >> or as it takes three great men to create such a woman. it's a pleasure to be of service. >> please welcome dominic cooper. (applause) >> hey. >> hello. >> nice to see you. >> nice to see you. >> i know we're going to talk about mama mia here we go again, and no one is more excited than i am. but i asked you about preparer a little bit, okay. so preparer for the people without don't know is a pretty
gory supernatural mystery thrill ir, how would you describe it. >> originally a graphic novel, seth rogen managed to make, after years and years of people trying to put if on the screen has managed to do it. >> you are the preparer. >> i am the preparer, yes. >> you are looking for god. >> we can't find him, he's gone missing. >> it does fell that way. >> if it certainly does, yeah, it certainly does and we think of all the places he would be is new orleans. so if were gord and went missing you would go to new orleans. >> and you spent six months of the year living in new orleans because that's where you gu shoot, right.>> there p that coc adaptation, thisart of our story line is in new orleans, we will leave gefnlt the original started, we filmed in texas but now we need the landscape of new orleansness where is jon. >> hey.
>> what ask your part? what is your favorite patert ofv onew orleans? >> i mean, have i come to love it so much and you get such a diverse, huge incredible city unlike anywhere else. and i was downtown a lot before and then i went up. my favorite is where the streets of the french quarter i love, actually beyond, that i love-- where should he go, what should he do in new orleans that he doesn't know about yet. >> should go to french, you just wand near any bar, any where a musician such as yourself would come in not with one of those there is something more-- i haven't-- you. >> i love those. >> play it. ♪. >> more? >> yes.
>> terrible, terrible. terrible. >> i can't ever show my face in new orleans again. >> come with me, come with>> whv ace. fth wa and then holly grove, so i was all t ou go to french vanessa that is the best place to hear music. >> will you probably here a batiste. >> any night you will hear somebody from my family playing, i bet you $100. >> after the jazz festival loads of musicians go and play in that little bar which i love. >> maple leaf. >> maple leaf. >> i grew up playing there i played there when i was in fourth grade. >> did you really? >> yeah. >> i saw the other place the best place to see and best drum ever. >> . >> drn than the face piano. >> you had a good name. >> we call him piano face slim.
>> yeah. >> it is very hard to play in a squatting position. >> most things are tough in a squatting position, you he seen the mama mia movies, jon. >> i haven't seenm but i'm going to see them now that we met. >> here's the thing, thank you, jon. >> absolutely. eets >> laset's t malk aboue ma miaecently in celebration of the new mama mia coming out and my family sat my down and said you have to watch the mama mia plofie and everybody is so excited for the new mama mia movie. what do you think it is about our present world climate that people want to pretend to go to an island and sing abba songs. >> yeah, i mean, certainly there is an element of des operation to escape from the constant nonsense. >> but people are as excited about mama mia two here we go agains alike a new star wars or a new avengers movie. this thing is tbing to be huge.
>> i think people were completely consumed by the first one wherks no idea what we were embarking on. >> it came on you by surprise. >> totally. even the success of the first one, we didn't know if we were just going to be humiliated. >> not that it really mattered. it was like 50 million to make it and it made 600 million. >> i just don't believe it. >> you know you what get from that. >> mama mia two wrongs we were exepting that call, i suppose to come within the year but what i think was very reassuring was a de sen story line and to tell with that mix, ten years. >> now you got to work with both of these wonderful women, there is meryl stream and share, sort of a silkwood reunion. which one of these and i'm sure neither will care, is better? >> they won't care. >> at what. >> they are both phenomenal. they are quite incredible. >> with cher, have i never met her. s'so,t hav been
nerve-racking for her, she was entering a fim, a family that knew etch other very well, coming in to do sm acting. as soon as the lights went out. i will never forget this moment, everything went dark, everyone was there, we were all in our ridiculous spandex outfits, the light hit her and she went on stage and did super trooper, it was mess mer iegz, that is what she does best, she disunt trust me at all. she would tell a mandza she found out we used to gout without one another, she said you missed a bullet. she took one look at me, you dodged air bullet s what she said, in a nice way. >> sure. >> dating him is like death but but in a nice way. >> nice to see you again v fun in new orleans and congratulations. mama mia here we go again is in theater this friday. dominic cooper, everybody, we'll be right back with a performance by beck. (applause)
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( ♪ ) pixar pier has arrived! prepare to be awed. prepare to be moved. prepare to make a mad dash... ( ♪ ) ...because with the incredicoaster, pixar pal-a-round, and a bunch of your favorite pixar characters, it's going to be pretty incredible. pixar pier is now open! >> stephen: my next guest is headlining his first show ever at madison square garden tomorrow night.
and he used to crash on my couch in l.a. here performing, "colors," please welcome my dear old friend beck. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'll find you and go right through i s you i need you ♪ every day ♪ it's nothing it's your life ♪ i don't know why can't get ♪ what i want i keep, i keep trying ♪ found our way through the lost years ♪ andow the day brings it all here
♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors, she says ♪ see it in your eyes ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors ♪ tell me, do you the love? ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors, she says ♪ now it's in your eyes ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors ♪ tell me, do you feel the love? hey! ♪ ♪ oh! ♪ ♪ ♪ i've got all the love you need i've got all the love you need ♪ i'll keep it with you ♪ i don't have the time to wait i don't have the time to wait ♪ i need to see you
♪ got it all under control got it all under control ♪ you can't hear me ♪ now it only hurts to know now it only hurts to know ♪ when you don't need me you don't need me ♪ we found our way through the lost years ♪ now the day brings it all here ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors, she says ♪ see it in your eyes ♪ all the colors, see the colors or♪ cell sme, do you feel alive? ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na ♪ na na na na na na na na na na na na ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors, she says ♪ see it in your eyes ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors ♪ tell me, do you feel alive? ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors, she says ♪ see it in your eyes ♪ all the colors, see the colors feel the colors ♪ tell me, do you feel alive? ♪ hey!
>> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be denzel washington, congressman joe kennedy, and comedian carmen lagala. now stick around for james corden. good n!ig captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org man loaf! hello, my name is randall manloaf. randy manloaf. #r ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all th
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