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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  July 30, 2018 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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>> we will see you then, have a great night. johnny cueto was placed back on the disabled list with an elbow injury... bruce bochy said captioning sponsored by cbs >> and now rudy giuliani versus rudy giuliani on michael cohen. >> i like michael cohen up. the man is a liar, a proven lier. michael's not going to lie. he's going to tell the truth. there's nobody i know that knows him that hasn't warned me that if his back is up against the wall he'll lie like crazy because he's lied all his life. the man is an honest, honorable lawyer. there's no way you're going to bring down the president of the united states on the testimony uncorroborated of a proven liar. it's time to make america great again! ( laughter ) >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert!
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tonight it's delusion delusion. plus, stephen welcomes judd apatow, jace norman and musical guest onerepublic, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: whoo! ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: hey! nice! nice! welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) how was everyone's weekend? ( cheers and applause ) have a good one? mine was great. i was down in south carolina. really relaxing. no internet. they don't have it there yet.
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( laughter ) but i heard there was an article about cbs chairman and man i hope isn't watching tonight's monologue, les moonves. ( laughter ) where was the article? >> "the new yorker." >> stephen: quality publication. was it one of those cartoons? talk of the town? was it a shout or a murmur? i'll tell you what, who wrote it? >> "the new yorker" article by ronan farrow. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's not good. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) ronan isn't exactly known for his puff pieces about glamping. okay, well, i guess we're talking about this so, jim?
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>> six women who have professional dealings with him , lesles moonves, told me that between the 1980s and the late 2000s, moonves sexually harassed them, four described forcible touching or kissing in business meetings in what they said appeared to be a practiced routine. >> stephen: well, you know the old saying: how do you get in a ronan farrow article? practice, practice, practice. ( laughter ) is this just this afternoon? this happened moments ago. this cbs board met today and announced they're in the process of hiring outside investigators. i don't know why they're outsourcing this, they could just use the cast of the new cbs procedural, "csi: ceo." ( laughter ) i'll have more to say on this later over there, assuming we make it past the commercial break. ( laughter ) there's also allegations against somebody i don't work for. because last week we learned that "kimberly guilfoyle allegedly left fox news amid accusations of sexual misconduct." so that's where we're at.
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yeah. the best news of the day is that women can also be guilty of sexual harassment. what a trailblazer! you go, girl! ( laughter ) ( applause ) you go! seriously, seriously -- seriously, you should go. ( laughter ) according to multiple sources at fox news, "guilfoyle's behavior included showing personal photographs of male genitalia to colleagues and identifying whose genitals they were." which is horrible workplace behavior and also the least popular edition of the board game, "guess who?" ( laughter ) ( applause ) ever play that? >> jon: no, i don't mess with that one. that's another version. >> stephen: yeah. and this story becomes way more interesting when you know that guilfoyle is currently dating "presidential son and man reacting to his girlfriend's photo collage, donald trump, jr." which means, and brace yourselves for this, there's a chance guilfoyle was forcing
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people to look at don's... junior. ( laughter ) i hear the carpet is as gelled as the drapes. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) straight -- straight back. but the huge news was that michael cohen claimed that trump not only knew in advance about the infamous 2016 trump tower meeting, but that he also approved going ahead with the meeting. what a shocker. ( laughter ) it's like the ending of "the sixth sense" where bruce willis finally notices haley joel osment's "i'm with dead guy" shirt. ( laughter ) because this was so obvious, it's the cover of this week's "it's exactly what you thought" magazine. ( laughter ) but even if this is obvious, it's still a big deal. this is whole ball of wax, because that's knowingly receiving help from a hostile foreign power to influence our
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election. ( audience reacts ) you were a little late on that, but thank you very much. of course, information makes trump mad, and this weekend, his thumbs took his anger out on twitter 'cause he cranked out 35 tweets. ( audience reacts ) yeah. so prolific. he's the stephen king of the horror story we live in. ( cheers and applause ) a lot of different subjects. a lot of different subjects. ( applause ) ( piano riff ) lot of different subjects, but a lot of it was chaff, like this: "wow, highest poll numbers in the history of the republican party. that includes honest abe lincoln and ronald reagan. there must be something wrong, please recheck that poll!" okay, we did! turns out, presidential polling didn't start until 1935.
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( laughter ) so, of course, lincoln did badly. who wants to vote for a guy who's been dead for 70 years? me, if he's running against trump in the next election. dead abe 2020: make america grave again. ( cheers and applause ) tweets weren't the only way trump fought back-- he also unleashed trump attorney and man watching them open the ark of the covenant, rudy giuliani. ( laughter ) so it's giuliani versus cohen, and as alisyn camerota pointed out today on cnn's "new day" today, this feud is a recent development. >> you had said not two months ago that michael cohen was an honest and honorable man. now you're saying he's a pathological liar? how is it?
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>> well, that's about as unfair as you can say. how did i know he was a lawyer taping his client? you tell me a lawyer is taping his client, i gotta say sorry, i made a mistake, the guy is unethical, he's a scumbag, he's a horrible person. i've never heard of a lawyer taping his client without the client's consent. >> what does that say about the president's judgment? >> he made-- he turned out to have a close friend betray him, like iago betrayed othello, and brutus put the last knife into caesar. >> stephen: that's a pretty lofty comparison. ( laughter ) this isn't shakespearean betrayal. this isn't even that episode of "jersey shore" where snooki and jwoww wrote the note to sammi telling her that ron cheated that night after they had a fight at "klutch." ( applause ) is whatt says here. ( laughter ) ( applause )
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then they went on to cover the president's weekend rage-tweets. >> is robert mueller ever going to release his conflicts of interest with respect to president trump, including the fact we had a very nasty and contentious business relationship? what's he referring to? what is it? >> but that's up to the president and mueller to describe, not part of my legal representation. >> wait a minute, this doesn't make sense. how can the president make this claim and not support it? >> because he doesn't have to. >> why is it up to robert mueller to support the president's tweet? >> because he has the conflict, not the president. >> stephen: yes, if someone starts a rumor about you, it's "your responsibility" to address that rumor. like if i say rudy giuliani has sex with underage goats, it's up to him to prove me wrong. release the tapes of you not having sex with goats, rudy! ( cheers and applause ) release the tapes! release the tapes! release the tapes! release the tapes! ( audience chanting ) >> stephen: that's good. we've made our point.
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at a certain point, giuliani had had enough of these questions about things that he said, and he saw his chance to exit. >> hold that thought, mr. mayor-- >> no, no, i'm going to leave after this one. >> we've scared you away? >> oh, yeah, you scared me away. i look really scared. no, it's starting to get useless. the conversation is starting to get really, really petty and silly. >> remember when you said that you would stay all day to talk about this. >> okay, i'll stay one more time but you've got to give me some coffee. >> okay, got it. we'll be right back. coffee coming up. ( laughter ) >> stephen: wait that's all it takes to rent rudy giuliani? "this is an outrage and a sham. have you no decency? oh, is that a latte? i'm sticking around." ( laughter ) and giuliani also unveiled what's sure to be an airtight defense for his client. >> they are not going to be colluding about russians, which i'm not even know if that's a crime, colluding about russians. >> stephen: "i don't even know if that's a crime?" ( laughter ) you're his lawyer, you're supposed to know what the law is.
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( laughter ) that's like your doctor going: "i don't even know if that's a disease: bleeding from your eyeballs." "i don't know, who knows?" ( cheers and applause ) and he went on -- eyeball bleeding, i don't know. and he went on to describe the real crime. >> you start analyzing the crime. the hacking is the crime. the hacking is the crime. >> that certainly is the original problem, yes. >> well, the president didn't hack! >> of course not, that's the original problem. >> he didn't pay them for hacking. >> stephen: yes, he didn't pay them for hacking. and i hope he's not paying you for lawyering, either. ( laughter ) hold on a second -- besides, do we know he didn't do the hack? do we have a description of the hacker? >> it also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay? >> stephen: okay, so he could've done it. it's possible. ( applause ) ( cheering ) 239. 239. >> jon: 239, huh? >> stephen: and it turns out that "collusion is not a crime"
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is the song of the summer because we're hearing a lot of it all of a sudden. >> i have been sitting here looking at the federal code trying to find collusion as a crime. >> it's not. collusion is not a crime. >> we've discussed this before, collusion is not a crime. >> and collusion is not a crime. >> the truth of the matter is collusion is not a crime. >> stephen: wow, they are really moving the goalposts on this. first, it was "russia didn't interfere in the election." then it was "okay, they did, but nobody on the trump team met with them." then it was, "okay, they did, but it was just about adoptions." then it was "okay, they offered us dirt on hillary, but there was no collusion." and now we're at "collusion is not a crime." what's next? "okay, collusion's a crime, but it's just a little crime." and then it'll be, "since when are crimes illegal?" ( laughter ) "if crimes are illegal, take me away." oh, okay! ( piano riff ) ( applause ) so, we knew about the meeting at trump tower with don, jr and the
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russians, and the meeting cohen claims took place where don, jr got his dad's approval for the russia meeting. but today, rudy accidentally revealed a third meeting we've never heard about before. >> cohen also now says that-- he says too much-- that two days before he was participating in a meeting with roughly the same group of people, but not the president, definitely not the president-- in which they were talking about the strategy of the meeting with the russians. >> stephen: so according to giuliani, michael cohen says that two days before the trump tower meeting with russians, there was a strategy meeting, which they probably should've had before they hired rudy giuliani. because, there's no indication this planning meeting was public knowledge before giuliani brought it up on-air. ( cheers and applause ) in other words -- surprise! in other words, he's bringing something up just to tell you his client isn't guilty of it.
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( laughter ) "that body that no one's found in the creek? the president definitely didn't put it there." he's just giving away damaging information! he's going to be the first lawyer ever to have to treat himself as a hostile witness. now, rudy seemed to realize that he had made a legal oops-a-collusion, so he went on fox news to try to explain... something. >> why are you saying that the president wasn't at the meeting? i understand those two meetings that you just set out there, but that doesn't explain why you're saying. who asked if he was there? no one asked if he was there. >> cohen is alleging the meeting took place and we are making it clear that the president was not at that meeting. never took place. (crosstalk) didn't happen. >> got it. >> stephen: so the president was not at the meeting that didn't happen. ( laughter ) which means it happened and he called the meeting. ( laughter ) but why are you talking about it? >> we heard you say today was
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the president was not at that meeting. that actually takes on a question that has not been asked or even suggested. so why did you say that? >> because there are two different meetings. there was another meeting that has been leaked that hasn't been public yet. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i think i found the leaker! ( applause ) wow -- ( piano riff ) -- that's some delicious footage. we've got a great show for you tonight! judd apatow is here. but when we come back, i keep talking. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) why lenscrafters? personalized service is why.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. give it up for jon batiste and stay human, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) hey! thanks, everybody. folks, before the break, i was talking over there about my boss being in trouble. are we still broadcasting? ( laughter ) you know what? don't tell me, i like a surprise. ( laughter ) and we're coming up on one year of general awareness of the #metoo movement. i think that milestone is worth celebrating, but it is hard to think of an appropriate anniversary gift when the entire amazon wish list is just: "stop it!" by the way, women who wanted to "stop it" also searched for "justice." and women over the past year
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have felt empowered to tell their stories in ways they haven't before, which is an objectively good thing. because, and it's strange to have to say this, powerful men taking sexual advantage of relatively powerless employees is wrong. we know it's wrong now -- ( cheers and applause ) -- and we knew it was wrong then, and how do we know we knew it was wrong? because we know these men tried to keep the stories from coming out back then. ( cheers and applause ) i don't remember any ads in "variety" saying, "congratulations to me on all the butt i'm groping!" ( laughter ) that said, and this is obviously naive, the revelations and accusations of the past year, just in the entertainment industry alone, have been shocking. to me. to many of the women i know, it has brought a welcome sense of relief that something's happening.
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now, as a middle aged guy with some power in the entertainment industry, i may not be the ideal person to address this kind of systemic abuse. who am i to judge? i'm a catholic... still. ( laughter ) and when i go to confession, i have things to confess. first: that i don't go to confession. ( laughter ) and i just lied to you. but this weekend some people asked me, probably 'cause i work here, "what do you think is going to happen?" i don't know. and i don't know who does know. in a situation like this, i'd normally call les. over the past year, there's been a lot of discussion about whether the disappearing of the accused from public life is the right thing to do, and i get there should be levels of response, but i understand why the disappearing happens. there's a j.f.k. quote that i like: "those who make peaceful
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revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable." and for so long for women in the workplace, there was no change, no justice for the abused, so we shouldn't be surprised that when the change comes, it comes radically.v3 this roar is a natural backlash to all that silence. ( cheers and applause ) so i don't know what's going to happen, but i do believe in accountability. and not just for politicians you disagree with. everybody believes in accountability until it's their guy, and, make no mistake, les moonves is my guy. he hired me to sit in this chair. he stood behind this show while we were finding our voice. he gave us the time and the resources to succeed. he has stood by us when people were mad at me. and i like working for him, but accountability is meaningless unless it's for everybody. whether it's for the leader of a network or the leader of the free world.
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find the latest trends and styles at prices that are a perfect fit. it feels even better when you find it for less. at ross. yes for less. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) folks, ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a director, writer, and producer responsible for films such as "knocked up," "the 40-year-old virgin," and next month's "juliet, naked." please welcome back to "the late show," judd apatow! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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welcome back. since i last saw you -- i think since i last saw you because i see you in the wild sometimes -- >> how is that for you when we see each other in the wild? >> stephen: i try not to make sudden moves because i know you're a skittish forest animal. ( laughter ) you have been nominated for two emmys, congratulations for the zen diaries of garry shandling. >> that's right. >> stephen: you have been nominated nine times before. do you still get excited? >> i was excited the first time, because we won. then i lost eight times in a row. >> stephen: when was the first time? >> 1993: i was so young back then. >> stephen: we have a clip here of the moment you won. can you tell us what's going on before we play it? >> we did a sketch called the
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ben stiller show. >> stephen: short lived. the lowest rated show on television that season. >> stephen: was it really? i think it was a show about people living after a nuclear war calls "whoops" that was elower than us. ( laughter ) so we got canceled very quickly, then we were nominated for best writing in a variety show? >> stephen: uh-huh. back then only 14 people would vote for the winner. they used to have blue ribbon panels who did that type of work. variety writers voted, and a friend of mine was on the panel and said, you didn't win. so i relaxed. ben stiller came to me and said, if we win, who should talk? because i knew we wouldn't. and i said, you should talk, you tier star of the show. >> stephen: how long between the cancellation of the show and the emmys? >> eight months. >> stephen: sow yoaf fully moved on? >> we've moved on.
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>> stephen: and then this happened? >> i'm terrified because i thought we were going to lose. i'm so scared on stage. look at my white face. >> i can't believe it. somebody had to represent the fox network tonight, so we shut up. so we all worked really hard on the show. not many people of you know who the hell we are -- >> stephen: you look ill, actually. you actually look like you're going to be ill because you won. >> it threw me, i was scared. >> stephen: i hope you win. it would be nice to enjoy it for once. >> i hope so. >> stephen: what are the zen diaries? >> garry shandling kept diaries his whole life so i made a documentary about his life and a lot of the documentary is him telling the story of his life through his diary, so he had a real interesting buddhism and eastern religion so he was this great comedian but, privately, was struggling with containing his ego and trying to evolve as a person and becoming a more loving person. >> stephen: we have a couple
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of -- these are what -- these are the diaries, like that. these are just a couple of quotes you thought were particularly amicabl applicablee story you want to tell about gary. >> well, this one is the second one there, and he wrote, maybe your comedy is a natural gift to be given to others with joy to help them through this impossible life, and you sharing it with no desire of getting anything. >> stephen: wow. that's very generous. >> i knew him for 25 years, and, you know, when you open some of his diaries, you don't know what you're going to read. it could be terrible. and that's what it was. >> stephen: you worked on this show, the larry sanders show. there's you. >> yeah. ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: did you ever imagine at that moment you would have this intimate understanding of this guy you worked with and i assume admired? >> not at all because he was just a very mysterious me can yome curialperson. >> stephen: would he have wanted people to know about his private life? >> when your life is over, i think he would want everything to be used as a teaching tool. i think leveled feel if you can make life better by looking at what happened to me, he would want that. >> stephen: signing a spiritual organ donor card? >> i have journals and they're awful. i write on every page, please don't read , this burn immediately, i don't want anyone to look at it. >> stephen: now that you're much, much older, and you know,
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you have much more experience with late night tv, do you think you guys got it right with the larry sanders show? >> you're doing it. what do you think? >> stephen: it's nothing like that. there are no fragile egos to be coddled at all. >> what did you relate to about gary's story when you watched the documentary? >> stephen: oh, i'm looking forward to it. ( laughter ) i'm really looking forward to it. >> that's a larry sanders moment right there. >> stephen: is it really? no talk show host would ever admit he didn't watch the products. you're the most honest talk show host i've ever met! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, thank you! thank you, i think. thank you. i hear the most fantastic things and then i would absolutely love it and now i feel like i don't need to watch because i hear it's just so good. it can only disappoint me. >> that's not it.
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you know it's going to hurt you in your soul. it's going to open you up. >> stephen: as a comedian, did it hurt you in your soul to read all of that and go, oh, my god, this is right, and i do not offer myself up for nothing in exchange to make other people's lives better? i am a failure at the aspiration he writes in these journals. just asked the question. >> i was inspired by what he was trying to accomplish as a person because he really liked to mentor people and be there for other people. he was a very sensitive man, also. but i was very moved by the fact that that's what he cared about above everything was, you know, how can i be a better person. you don't hear that much from this administration. >> stephen: no, no, you don't. i would rather have garry shandling president of the united states. >> yeah. >> stephen: i've seen judd apatow comedies, we've all enjoyed them.
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when is there going to be a judd apatow action movie. >> does anyone want that? >> stephen: sure! action apatow. >> i don't know if it's my move, you know. i once -- just because it's mission impossible weekend -- i once had a meeting with tom cruise. >> stephen: wow, i haven't had those. >> he's a very nice man. i got asked to meet him. he was looking to do a romantic comedy. we were shooting "knocked up" in 2006, and i said to seth rogen, i have a meeting with tom cruise, you have to come with me. and seth wasn't famous, he was just a dude with me, so i said someone needs to witness this. so we're talking to him, and i don't know how it came up, usually comes up with seth when he starts talking about marijuana and pornography. >> stephen: marijuana and pornography? >> yeah, those two subjects, and
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he starts talking about watching adult films on the internet. and tom cruise goes, what?! wait, you're saying there's adult films on the internet?! and seth's, like, yeah there's all these movies on these web sites! and tom cruise is like, wait a second, you're saying, if i go on the computer, on the worldwide web -- >> stephen: the information superhighway. >> -- there are people having sex on this highway? seth said, yeah, i watch all the time, it's great! everybody does it! it's not a big deal anymore! so, anyway, no movie was made. >> stephen: that's what i want to see, tom cruise discovering internet porn. >> i don't think he was for it. >> stephen: do you think he was telling the truth? he wasn't, like, what? what is this? >> it's hard to know. he was being very polite. i assumed he was against it in being polite, but who knows.
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we'll never know. >> stephen: he's a very good actor. >> exactly. and he runs so fast. >> stephen: he runs with such -- he runs with such intensity. >> yeah. how do you run? >> stephen: would you like to see me run? >> yeah, sure! ( cheers and applause ) >> fast! oh! >> stephen: yeah. that's good! >> stephen: i do my own stunts. let's see you run. >> oh, no. >> stephen: oh, you have to. you have to run! ( cheers and applause ) intense! ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: wow. that's a thrill rush. that's the summer thrill ride. >> i could be in it. >> stephen: juliet naked is in theaters friday, august 17th! judd apatow, everybody! we'll be right back with teen heartthrob jace norman. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) when yothe absurdity... bad... you're left with... the good. filter out 900 plastic bottles with just one brita longlast filter. choose the filtered life. it's a pea-protein, gluten-free pâté.gman? (whistles) it's a burrito filled with plants pretending to be meat. here we see the artist making an attempt to bare his soul. it's just a gray dot. there are multiples on the table: one is cash, three are fha, one is va. so what can you do? she's saying a whole lotta people
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to "the late show"! my next guest is an 18-year-old entrepreneur and the star of nickelodeon's "henry danger." please welcome, jace norman! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: nice to meet you. nice to meet you, too. >> stephen: thanks for being here. you are the founder of creator edge social media company. >> yes. >> stephen: 3 million instagram followers, you are producer of the nickelodeon film "blurt" and you are the star of "henry danger" on nickelodeon.
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>> yes, sir. >> stephen: you're 18 years old. ( cheers and applause ) you're 18. congratulations on not having a child star meltdown. >> thank you. i'm trying my best. >> stephen: what was your child star vibe? boosting cars, creating havoc, or grown in a hatchling and they said, look, that one will be a star. >> what? >> stephen: disney -- they grow the talent stars. that was me. i was a natural born talent star. >> stephen: good for you. i don't have a license right now. >> stephen: you're 18 old. yeah. >> stephen: super fun. super fun. >> it's not fun. it's not great. >> stephen: to drive? yeah, yeah. i wouldn't know. >> stephen: you could just go, hey, mom and dad, i'm out of here. >> i got to uber, lyft. >> stephen: so uber instead of driving. >> yeah, it's not very cool right now. >> stephen: i think you have a better idea of what's cool than i do.
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>> well, sometimes, like i was on a date -- i don't know what they call it these days. >> stephen: a date. they call it a date? >> well, no one these days -- no one goes, oh, let's go on a date. it's, like, let's hang out: it's very nuanced these days. >> stephen: you should ask a girl out or a boy, whatever you do, you should ask someone out on a date and see what they do. >> you never know. >> stephen: they'll say did your grandfather put this up to you? you could say, no, stephen colbert did. >> i'll send them this clip. >> stephen: send them this clip and say, hi. whoever you are, jace wants you to go on a date with him. ( cheers and applause ) i don't think that helped. i'm so sorry. get ready for some celibacy. >> what does that mean? >> stephen: i don't know. i don't know what that means. ( laughter ) i don't know. but that's a good answer a.
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that's a good answer. >> i honestly don't -- >> stephen: so you're also an entrepreneur. >> yes. >> stephen: what are some of your first business ideas. >> first business ideas. did. >> stephen: did you make money as a kid? >> oh, yeah. like, i used to not live -- i used to work on, like, you know harry potters, those, like -- you know, he lives, like, under the stairs? >> stephen: sure, in the cupboard under the stairs. >> my family had an understand the stairs cupboard and i would sell sea shells out of the cupboard. ( laughter ) >> stephen: where did you get the sea shells? >> the kitchen table. >> stephen: what were they doing on the kitchen table? >> they're the family sea shells, and, so, i took the family sea shells and sold them back to my family. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and did they buy it? >> they bought it. i think they bought it out of pity, but, you know, money's
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money. >> stephen: or there's a sucker born every minute. >> you never know. >> stephen: you also got this startup here creator edge, and a little description that says we match the most powerful influencers with the world's largest brands to create custom-branded content with data-driven results. >> stephen.yes. >> stephen: what's an influencer and am i one? what makes an influencer? >> to be honest with you, stephen, i don't know what an influencer is. >> stephen: are you an influencer? >> i don't think influencers -- >> stephen: 3 million instagram followers. >> you're an influencer. sure, yeah. >> stephen: but we match the most powerful influencers with the world's largest brands. >> yeah. >> stephen: so how do you identify who the influencer is? a person who doesn't know they're an influencer? >> exactly, exactly. >> stephen: once you match me with the world's largest brands,
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i'll going to know i'm an influencer and then, suddenly, i'm not! you've got a business model here. >> i didn't realize that. >> stephen: yeah. ( laughter ) so say you hatched me with a powerful brand, then what would happen? >> so ideally, you would enjoy the brand, something that would be integrated nicely into your life and your social media and stuff like that, and you would take a picture maybe wearing the brand, using the product and then, you know, they would slip you a $20 bill and you would leave. >> stephen: 20 bucks! yeah. >> stephen: i'm in. yeah. >> stephen: i'm so in. how many sea shells can i get for that? ( applause ) because i need some! ( piano riff ) so lovely to meet you. thank you for being here. congratulations on just everything. >> thank you, sir. >> stephen: season 5 of "henry danger" on n fall. jace norman, everybody.
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back with a performance by jace norman, everybody. back with a performance by onerepublic! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) this is amazing. with moderate to severe ulcerative colitis, are you okay? even when i was there, i never knew when my symptoms would keep us apart. so i talked to my doctor about humira. i learned humira can help get, and keep uc under control when other medications haven't worked well enough. and it helps people achieve control that lasts. so you can experience few or no symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. be there for you, and them. ask your gastroenterologist about humira.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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what is that? various: sold out? no!
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man: this can't be. woman: what are we going to do? i have an idea. (chime) play "connection" by onerepublic. ♪ these days, my waves get lost in the ocean ♪ ♪ seven billion swimmers, man ♪ ♪ i'm going through the motions ♪ ♪ sent up a flare ♪ need love and devotion ♪ trade it for some faces ♪ that i'll never know notion ♪ ♪ maybe i should try to find the old me ♪ siri: mike said, "the show is sold out. did you get in?" oh yeah, we found the best seats in the house. ♪ can i get a connection? ♪ can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ ♪ ohh, can i get a connection? ♪ ( ♪ ) ♪ trying to find the old me ♪ yeah (audience applause)
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i we worked with pg&eof to save energy because wenie. wanted to help the school. they would put these signs on the door to let the teacher know you didn't cut off the light. the teachers, they would call us the energy patrol. so they would be like, here they come, turn off your lights! those three young ladies were teaching the whole school about energy efficiency. we actually saved $50,000. and that's just one school, two semesters, three girls. together, we're building a better california. >> stephen: here performing their new single "connection,"
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ladies and gentlemen, onerepublic! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ these days my waves get lost in the oceans ♪ seven billion swimmers man i'm going through the motions ♪ sent up a flare, i need love and devotion ♪ traded for some faces that i never know, notion ♪ maybe i should try to find the old me ♪ take me to the places and the people that know me ♪ tryin' to disconnect, thinking maybe you could show me ♪ if there's so many people here, then why am i so damn lonely? ♪ can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ real friends, good friends hard to find, let's face it ♪ find the perfect tone and there's a flood in the basement ♪ made a couple dollars now and i ain't tryin' to chase it ♪ kids from oklahoma, man we don't waste it ♪ i'm just tryin' to paint the picture for me ♪ something i could give a damn about at maybe 40
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♪ years and i be ready and willing and able to edit the story ♪ there's so many people here to be so damn lonely ♪ can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ i can see it in my, see it in my reflection ♪ oh, can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ ♪ lonely ♪ ♪ ♪ right now, right now, i'm switching to a new lane ♪ foot to the floor, man searching for the real thing ♪ meet somebody else, sometimes ain't no shame ♪ head to the clouds sayin' ♪ it's like can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a
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connection? ♪ i can see it in my, see it in my reflection ♪ oh, can i get a connection? can i get, can i get a connection? ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: onerepublic, everybody. we'll be right back. xfinity mobile is a new wireless network
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>> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be paul giamatti and w.w.e. superstar ronda rousey. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show


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