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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  February 6, 2020 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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>>for tching, the news continues streaming on cbsn bay area. have a great night. we'll see you. captioning sponsored by cbs mt trump victory laugh included several jabs at romney on social media including a video released on twitter calling the senator from utah a quote democrat secret asset.
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it's the late show with stephen colbert!
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tonight-- plus pat stephen well koment mayor pete buttigieg and patton oswalt, featuring jon battiste and stay human, now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause). >> stephen: yeah! hey, hi there. (cheers and applause) fantastic. very nice, very nice. how lovely. how lovely to be with all of you. no place i would rather be in the world than with you people right now. welcome to the late show. i'm your host stephen colbert. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: so here we are. here we are, trump was not removed from office, which we
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never really thought he would be. so what now? wither the republic, some people feel that now there is going to be nothing to hold him back. trump unleashed, offer the rail, a, that's not a leash, it is just a really long tie. and b, there were never rails. not even those little bumpers they put in for kids to bowl, nothing. but trump's not going to change. and this morning trump began his toxic victory shamble at the most appropriate place for vengeance, the national prayer breakfast. you know what they say, the prayer breakfast is the angriest meal of the day. trump clearly humbled by his impeachment, began with a very contrite fist pump. he really seemed to, you know, like that. he wants to cherish that moment, make it last forever. let's give that to him. jimmy, can we loop that, please?
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(laughter) yes, there he is. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: there he is, he is really, really just milking the moment. now do not reuse that footage for your own filthy purposes, do not. before things got started trump continued his gloating by holding up a newspaper with the headline "acquitted" this is an historic moment. we remember like harry truman holding up the paper saying "suck it dewey." the keynote speaker of the breakfast was a man named arthur brooks who had an important message of forgiveness. >> my friends, that is the theme of this breakfast today, love your enemies. >> stephen: what a beautifulol t devicive impeachment. the president immediately followed that with this.
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>> arthur, i don't know if i agree with you. but i don't know about arthur is going to like what i am going to say. >> stephen: sorry, i'll a little hoarse right now but when i'm around so many christians the demon just pops out, you know. factus sum sicut homo sine adjutorio inter motuuos liber. so not a lot of love and forgiveness at the prayer breakfast, specifically toward utah senator mitt romney seen here after one chocolate milk. (laughter) romney was the only republican who voted to convict trump and he justified his decision by citing his oath to god. trump also attacked nancy pelosi who said she prayed for him and here is his two-fer attack. >> i don't like people who use their faith as justification for doing what they know is wrong. nor do i like people who say, i
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pray for you, when they know that that is not so. >> stephen: wait, how can he know what someone is really praying. oh no, did he get the russians to hack god! (laughter) but, just had a mental image because that's not good for anybody, god has seen all the peepee tapes. now even when the prompter told trump to talk about his friends he couldn't help but bring up his enemies. >> for this cherished tradition are a lot of friends in the audience. that and the enemies and the allies. and we have them all. we have allies, we have enemies, sometimes the all aye-- alis with enemies but we just don't know it. >> stephen: okay, that sounds a little paranoid but trump says he is a christian and he is just
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echoing the lord's words at the last is upper. truly i tell you, one of you will betray me, and st mitt iscariot, get him! then trump forgot about the prayer thing all together and just launched the ramble on the mount. >> our unemployment numbers are the best in the history of our country. women, best in 71 years so, we'll you have there soon, soon it will be. >> have to apologize to the women. >> stephen: yes, you do have to apologize to the women. (cheers and applause) usually that is part of the settlement. now trump's performance was so in appropriate that even fox news summed it up as trump slams opponents at national prayer beck fast. that is the worst presidential headline since nixonicke baby pt
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national zoo. trump's pity party made another pit stop. shortly afternoon today in east room of the white house. trump claimed that everybody had it in for him from the very beginning. >> we had the wimp hunts, it started dpsh-- the witch-hunt, it started from the day we came down the elevator. >> stephen: it wasn't an elevator. every one knows it was an escalator, for pete sake. you were riding on it! you were on the damn-- ha ha. we got you now, mr. president. the whole thing was a weird event. it was, when you watched it you weren't sure what t of it. you couldn't pin down exactly what the thing was. and evidently the president agreed. >> and this is really not a news conference, st not a speech. it is not anything. >> stephen: this, this ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no-- this ain't no
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foolin around. the point is i'm a psycho killer and i'm burning down the house. now-- (cheers and applause). >> stephen: it's like during wartime, it's like during wartime. since this is a white house event in the formal east room, trump was at his most presidential. >> first one through, russia russia russia. it was all bull [bleep] >> stephen: wow, i know i would like to point out that for you people at home, we had to bleep that last word. because cbs has higher standards than the president of t united states. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: we can't, we can't, i can't, we can't, we can't broadcast stuff like that. that is why the new york had to change the title of the new hit sitcom bob [bleep] abishola.
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(laughter) and people at home are like i would watch that. even though, even though impeachment is over, he couldn't resist talking about the you krinnian phone call. >> think of it. the phone call. a very good phone call. i know bad phone calls. >> stephen: oh, i'm sure you do, mr. president. they always start with, i swear i've never met her before. and they end with, okay where do i send the check. then trump it up complimented-- (applause) sure, why not, why not. >> jon: the people vote. >> jon: big fans-- . >> stephen: then trump complimented one of his biggest defenders in congress. >> when i first got to know him jim jordan. when i first got to know jim i said huh, never wears a jacket. what the hell is going on. he is obviously very proud of
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his body. >> stephen: jim, what's that like, i isn't seen my junk since 1986. (cheers and applause) thing is -- is everything good? trump kept talking about jim jordan's record. maybe even more than jim jordan would like him too. >> this guy. so he's the ncaa meeting a couple of years ago when he was in college, wrestling champion, ncaa, that means in all of college, you are the champ, you are the best. his record was ridiculous. nobody could beetd him. >> stephen: jim wrestled hard and hit the showers. you can look it up, just dwoogel jim jordan, wrestling andim we've got a great show for you tonight. mayor pete buttigieg is here. stick around. historic.
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>> the late show with stephen colbert, sponsored by door dash, we are america's kitchen. every plaifer welcome. obama: he's been a leader
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throughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: ler ooandp in action. president obama woogher in the fight for glaws to improve educaon, elp
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teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back. my first guest tonight is the former mayor of south bend, indiana, who just made history at the iowa caucus. please welcome mayor pete buttigieg. (cheers and applause) .
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>> stephen: mr. mayor, thank you so much for coming back. >> thank you. >> stephen: good to see you again. >> thanks for having me. (cheers and applause) thank you. >> stephen: how have you been? >> not bad, not bad. >> stephen: it has been, it's been an extraordinary fall and winter so far. >> yeah. >> stephen: we have talked three times, this is the third time that we have spoken and one of the things i always like about talking to you is that you actually answeue p t y i don't actually hear thump beats when i asked questions, people ask you who have you been impressed with, and i go there is this guy pete buttigieg in
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the mayor of south bend, what, that guy is running, when you first came on, people didn't know who you were. >> i way thinking, almost exactly a year ago, my book watt coming out, i had this sense that maybe were you a little sceptical of my chances of coming in i where near the american presidency. >> stephen: a little bit, a little bit, south bend say lovely place. >> st, yeah. >> stephen: you won last time with like 8,000 votes or something. it is not the same scale that we imagine that a national candidate is competing on. and one of the things i said to you at the time was you know, one hopeful sign i see in america is that the third or fourth thing i learned about you was that you were a gay man. i learned everything else first, and now i think it bears noting that you are the first lgbtq person to win delegates in any presidential contest. (cheers and applause) what does that mean? what does that say to you.
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i will let them have a moment. what does that mean to you personally and what do you think that means about america? >> well, what it means to me personally is that, you know, the very same thing that i thought might mean i would never get-- and or being in office. turns out to be, about god having a sense of humor, it turns out to be part of how i have had a chance to make a difference. i didn't set out to be the gay candidate or the gay president, but also was open about who i am. and here we are. and my hope more broadly is that, you know, i know there is a lot of people, a lot of young people wondering if they fit, feeling like maybe they don't belong in their communities, maybe even questioning if they belong in their own family. and hopefully this is one significant bit of proof that they belong, after all, and they belong in this country.
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(cheers and applause). >> stephen: we know you best, everybody on your post ares and everything, it says mayor pete. >> yeah. >> stephen: if you end up becoming the 46th president of the united states, will it be president mayor pete? >> doesn't exactly roll off, i guess it would have technically be president former mayor pete. >> stephen: maybe not. >> maybe just pete. >> jon: >> stephen: do you know, this is being taped on wednesday for thursday night, do what the latest do we know, do you know what the latest resultses are from the great, if confused state of iowa? >> so the last i checked, by the measure of state delegate he-- equivalents, we where on track to be the first place winner in the iowa caucus. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: do you know how much is reporting? >> i think i believe st over 80%. i think there is another 1
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so of th precincts to go. theiedsit he speakin >> stephen: but you did not wait on the night of the caucus, you went and said i'm pretty sure we won. that is what historians call balancesy. -- ballsy. why even campaign in new hampshire, why not just declare victory now. can you name me as the winner of the emmys so i don't have to give congratulations to john oliver next september, right now. (applause) >> i could but i don't know if it would go as well for you as iowa went for us. we were obviously waiting on the verified figures, but the thing about the caucuses t is not like a secret ballot vote, people do it out in the open, high school gyms, reporters are there. we are observers and volunteers. >> stephen: and they write the totals on the board. >> exactly. we had seen enough to know even with the final math w we e waiting for, that there was no way that it could be anything but an extraordinary victory for
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this campaign. >> stephen: he any of the other campaigns about your mutual frustration about what happened. because you spent a year in iowa. and. off a year in iowa. >> the last three weeks about 55 events, working towarding this for years, bus tours, campaigning. >> stephen: were you afraid it would end up being meaningless, all that effort? >> look, nothing it change the fassett of what that meant and what it meant, there are so many iowans stood in front of their neighbors and friends and made this statement. but it is generally nice to get the results-- well it would be like at the emmys if you had to wait a couple of days after the ceremony to find out who actually got it, i'm sure very frustrating for everybody. >> stephen: it is pretty frustrating already. now okay, so let's talk about iowa, there is some criticism that it is not representative of the united states. is a win, if you are right, and
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you get the majority of the delegates and are technically the winner of iowa, what does that mean nationally, winning in some place that is so dem graphically nondemon strattive he r the coury. >> there nt in the future to compete in states that have greater racial die versity, for example, we will be in nevada soon, south carolina soon. but here is one of the reasons why that iowa success is so meaningful. that we were able to succeed in rural areas, in suburban areas and in urban areas, in counties that voted demographic the whole time and many of those counties famously swung in a big way from voting for president obama to voting for trump. and we want to beat donald trump, and i think we all, at least most of us want to make sure that happens, you know, all of us candidates going around the country saying pick me, i'm the one to go toe to toe with this president. i'm the one that can put together a big win.
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and the process of proving that began in iowa and there is a great way to demonstrate that. >> stephen: let's talk about going toe to toe with president trump. now that president trump has been acquitted by the senate, does it change at all how you run against a president who has been acquitted of impeachment? found guilty in the eyes of even many republicans, a majority of americans wanted him removed. and yet he stays in office. >> pie biggest concern about the effect-- effect of this is a sense of exhaust shun with everything because we see the process in the senate, it wasn't a real trial, they didn't have witnesses. everybody knows that trials generally ought to have witnesses. the jurors, so to speak, many of the gop senators made clear this was a fore gone conclusion. and the worst thunking that could happen was we give in to a searches hopelessness or exhaustion and walk away from the whole process. but the best thing about the fact that it is 2020, we are
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living in an election year, is that iia, the senate was the require in the impeople-- impeachment but we are the jury now. and we get the final verdict on the president and on the senate in the election. maws plaws. >> stephen: did you watch the what mitt romney said on the floor of the snapt. >> i caught just a little bit of it. >> stephen: yeah, he seemed to be the lone voice of the republican party who believed that the oath required him to remove donald trump from office, or vote to do so at least. have you spoken privately to any republicans about you ho they feel when the door is closed? >> gop senators don't generally connified in me. but, but-- i know nif people who know enough people to know that mitt romney is not the only person in that chamber on the republican side who knows that
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what the president did was grievously wrong. and you know, i do think he deserves credit. i think he has been on the wrong side of a lot of issues. but i think he deserves credit for having followed his conscience on this and done the right thing in this case. and the fact that he is the only snalt republican to do it,-- senate republican to do it, more than anything that says a lot about what is happening in the senate gop. >> stephen: mr. mayor, we have to take a break. we'll be right back with more pete buttigieg. stick around. get to kohl's... for amazing gifts plus sweet savings... with an extra 20 or 15% off! save on kids' valentine's apparel... and the keurig k-elite. plus take an extra 20% off fine and silver jewelry... and you'll get a diamond bracelet for just $61.19! plus get kohl's cash! at kohl's and kohl's dot com.
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fisn't just about polrs ghor our, wee fingtethat w t law to send billions from polluters to communities suffering the most. and only one candidate for president was with us back then, tom steyer. and he's still fighting for us, pledging to make clean air and clean water a right for everyone, regardless of your zip code. that's the truth. that's tom steyer. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message. >> stephen: we're back here, we're back, everybody, with presidential candidate pete buttigieg, let's talk about the wine cave, okay. you got a lot of criticism. no, we have to talk about the wine cave. >> okay. >> stephen: you took some criticism for having a fundraiser in a wine cave in california. and raised a ton of money and
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had, you know, bottles of wine worth multiple hundreds of dollars. seemed very elite to people. i want to thank you for having that dinner because i made jokes about you doing that. >> did you. >> stephen: and the wine cave sent me some very good wine. >> really? >> stephen: yes. (laughter) so thank you, thank you wine cave, i don't know who to thank but thank you. >> there is some really good cheese in the green room right now. >> stephen: a cheese cave. >> i appreciate the cheese. >> stephen: do you under s why people might crit soiz that, because there is, especially this year there is a sense that we should not be beholden to special interests, a huge amount of money in order to influence candidates. we need a grass roots coalition of people and that turns some people off. >> i understand the frustration. and i'm not a fan of the campaignm so a fan of beating dd
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trump. and what we've got to do right now, first of all mayor of south bend, indiana, is not exactly an establishment fundraising powerhouse, so i wouldn't be here if we hadn't gotten hundreds much thousands of people to go to-- for, chip in a few bucks and build this campaign. if somebody can give up to the legal limit which is $2,800 and they are willing to do that to support my vision for moving this country forward, then i really think they should help get this done and i will make exactly one promise to anybody, whether they are giving three bucks online or the maximum allowable by law. the promise is i'm going to take that contribution, and i'm going to use it to build a campaign that is going to defeat donald trump so we can actually get the reforms this country need. (applause). >> stephen: i hope you're right, i hope you're right. was it a nice wine cave? was it nice down there? >> i have not been-- i don't
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have a lot of experience. >> stephen: there aren't a lot of wine caves in south bend, indiana. >> we do have a cheese cave in south bend, indiana. >> stephen: good, american cheese? >> probably, but yeah, we have a regular basement at home, i think there is some wine down there. >> stephen: now let's say you win, okay. let's talk about changing washington or adding a progressive agenda to our government. you saw progress in the government cannot depend os on the good faith of the gop. so if you are president, how do you achieve what you are promising now. >> so here is what we have going for us. even, even more than what was available to president obama a decade ago, there is a powerful american majority that wants to see these changes happen. that wants to see higher wages, that thinks it is ridiculous that a corporation like amazon or chevron pay zero on taxes in billions of profits. even on health care. making sure that every american is insured, even in areas where my party has been on the defense in the past, imgrailings reform,
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doing something about gun violence. climate, every one of these hoos, the american people, even in conservative states want something done. so if you can't have a good faith conversation and there is not a lot of good faith especially in the senate gop right now, then i think what you have to do is go directly to the people who expect this of their leaders even in more conservative districts or states, to me, that is the best use of the big airplane that comes with the oval office. the president uses mostly for the purpose of traveling between golf courses with his name on it i don't even golf. and my idea of the best use of that airplane is to fly it right into the backyard of a member of congress or the senate who is getting in the way of these ideas, defying not only my white house but their own voters. and remind them of the daylight between them and their own representatives, and see if that, that simple political power finally has the effect of reuniting some of these senators with their conscience.
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and if it doesn't, then making sure we do our part to get a new senator. >> stephen: the presidency is l vested with enormous power right now. if you became president of the united states are there any powers of the presidency that you would surrender? because it is a snowball of power that just keeps getting bigger in the presidency. and we just saw the worst abuse of it yesterday by not holding the president accountable for trying to mess with our elections. what would you give up. >> i will give you an example that is as important to me as somebody who served overseas, if i am ever compelled to use force and go to congress for an authorizeation to do it, i will make sure it includes a three-rear sunset, expiration date. so that if there ever did need to be a renewal, if i or another president really thought that was necessary, you would have to go back to congress and have that, congress has been i think all too happy to leave some of its war powers to the side because it is just messy, differ and complicated. >> stephen: at the don't want to be responsible for a decision
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they make. >> but if people can find a courage to serve, they ought to be have the courage on whether to send them there or keep them there. i will constrain myself as president by making sure that vote happens if a conflict goes on more than three years. >> stephen: mr. mayor, thank you so much for being here. (cheers and applause) mayor pete buttigieg, everybody. we'll be right back with mr. patton oswalt, stick around. . because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. backed by science. matched by no one. ♪
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othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message.
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(applause). >> stephen: folks, my next guest tonight is a grammy and emmy award-winning comedian who i always enjoy talking to, please welcome back to the late show mr. patton oswalt. (applause) lovely to see i again. >> thank you. >> stephen: i feel like i kind of see you and follow you on twitter, and i catch pearls of wisdom every so often. >> yeah. >> stephen: you throw it out there.
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>> sometimes. >> stephen: how have you been, it's been too long, it's been almost two years or something since you have been on here and we miss patton oswalt, what is wrong, what did i say, what did i do? >> i miss patton oswalt. i am traveling, i am on the road and i'm flying out almost every weekend doing standup. so i'm on,. >> stephen: is that stressful, all that traveling around, does it wear you down. >> it gets you a little weary and i'm very paranoid about like the coronavirus and everyone on the plane. >> stephen: everyone is doing standup in with you hand province or. >> no, i am boxed there for a handshaking feses val which i'm a little worried about. >> stephen: okay, okay. can you explain this, because i was told this had something to do with that anxiety of yours, i will show it to you first, so you know the photo. so i am going to, do you want to explan this ul sho f. >> when i fly on planes i am-- half of them are coughing and sneedzing so i put a little thing over my face that i-- yes,
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that i wear. laugh laugh i-- . >> stephen: is it necessary to look like a character from a sasins creed, an homage, what is this? >> st me being paranoid and of course the internet set me right going oh, that mask doesn't block anything, and if anything, it creates a moist environment that makes viruses, again, just completely made me ten times more paranoid about everything. >> stephen: wait a second, if i saw you on my plane i would get paranoid. >> well. >> stephen: this would not calm the rest of us down. >> exactly. >> stephen: like driving through the lincoln tunnel looking over to the guy next toy and he has scuba gear on. >> well, there are a lot of people with face masks like surgical face masks am i'm trying to be a little stylish and post apoc tip lick-- apocalyptic with it. >> stephen: nothing cams people down like post
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apocalypse. >> yeah, you know. >> stephen: do you still get recognized. >> weirdly enough on my flight last weekend, it was a morning flight, we get in, everyone immediately goes to sleep. but i guess i got up to use the rest room a couple of times with my mask, with my hood. i guess i was scuttling through the plane, and then i get my phone ping, i get a dm on twitter. from of all people jack ryan, john countries insky was sitting across-- cris insky was sitting across, he dmed me, bizarre question, are you dressed as a ninja on a flight to l.a.? (applause) sitting next to you. so-- . >> stephen: wait a second, how little icon tact do you make in public? >> he is like 6 foot 3 or something.
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and he's john cryzinsky, he is taller sitting down than i am standing up, he is huge. >> stephen: a very big goi. >> he is watching a movie. if you look at the tone of the message, yes, he seemed friendly and funny but there is some fear in that, like are you? >> stephen: he doesn't know this is you. >> there is a patton shaped ninja for some reason. so i either had some really bad scrambled eggs and i'm hallucinating or something is about to happen. so yeah. >> stephen: i saw something online the other day which i just love. you have a daughter allah. >> yeah. >> stephen: how old. >> she will still do, what i like about i post video she will still do things with you. >> yes. >> stephen: that does end, fair warning. >> she is on the very edge of the eye rolling stage but still likes to do things. >> stephen: we have a clip here that you brought. you want to set up what is happening here? >> yeah, i tweeted this out a couple of weeks ago. we have been, i have been reading h.e.r. the harry potter books since she was five or six.
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and we, and the other night i was, we were reading number seven, the deathly hallows and we were getting near the end and my wife, meredith came in and just randomly started filming us as we are sitting there reading and then filmed the moment when i finished all the harry potter books with allah. but this is it. >> did you vuses finished become. >> yeah. >> you just finished all of them. >> that was the last sentence of all of it. >> that was the last sentence. >> s was it amazing? >> stephen: how are you guys not crying, how are you not crying? >> well, if you notice, there is a little like i'm doing one of those little things right there. you can also barely hear me, i go all was well which is the last-- and then it ends. and then she is just like oh my god, but i want to keep doing that, and i don't know-- . >> stephen: it's been five years. >> i don't know what the next
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book to transition too. >> stephen: how about lord of the rings. >> here is the thing with lord of the rings, there is some, because there is the hobbit, which is-- (laughter). >> stephen: i don't know. >> wait a minute. did you just go like-- . >> stephen: yeah. >> the hobbit is not the lord of the rings. >> your twitter mentions are going to go into the toilet right know. >> stephen: don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong there are some really lovely things about it, really lovely things about t there is the mention of gondalin. there is the scene with golum, the back story. >> the finding of the ring. >> stephen: that is the theme of golum. >> yeah, i know but-- . >> stephen: don't try to school me on the things that i like about the hobbit, right here, okay, i'm not going to step into marvel world or star wars. don't come into the lord of the rings over here. >> we all saw what you did to james franco, we all remember that brutal beatdown when he
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quizzed you on the sumerelian, that was pretty brutal, i'm not doing that, but skip the hobbit. >> stephen: i read lord of the rings multiple time before i read the hobbit. then i read it and i get what they are referring to here, but it doesn't have the high style and language. i don't think it is as good for lord of the rings. >> but for a ten year old. >> stephen: she's ready, she's patton oswalt daughter, if she was six, i would say read the hobbit, that is fine. but she's ready, man. >> i'm just, i'm like, because when i was her age, when i was ten and this is due to that really benign parental neglect in the '70s, because my parents were great parents but they were like oh, this is-- st a killer dog, kcujo, enjoy. i swear to god, i read, i read the stand when i was ten, i read-- . >> stephen: wow. >> exactly. >> stephen: you have slept yet? >> it was a very, it is a very weird way to read before you go
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through puberty. like you know what i mean. it feels very strange. and i can't read her cujo well, and then the kid died and the mom went crazy, okay, good night. that's not the way to finish. but maybe i could eventually. and she, by the way, she sees all the stephen king books on the shelf, i want to read some of those, no, you can't read those yet. >> no, not yet. >> stephen: i didn't know you were in favor of censoring things. >> oh, stephen, for god's sake, i'm not going to read her the shining and read her a love scene in a haunted hotel. i'm not going to-- . >> stephen: i'm merely [bleep] with you. >> okay. i got very defensive. >> stephen: i under stand that you cannot wait for people to attack me over the hobbit. that is going to be insane. >> i am just saying that-- . >> stephen: i'm not sure if that is going to ma it to a >> oh, really. wow. i didn't know you were so into censoring things.
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(cheers and applause). >> stephen: we have to take a break. >> oh. >> stephen: please join us, we'll be right back with more sir patton oswalt. they get that no two people are alike and customize your car insurance so you only pay for what you need. almost done. what do you think? i don't see it. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪
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♪ hey now, you're an all star ♪ get your game on, go play thank you! goodnight! [ cheers and applause ] now enjoy the second half of the commercial! even renters can bundle and save! where did that come from? the kitchen. it was halftime. economically powerfully influenced my values. bernie sanders he's fighting to raise wages. now, our country is at a turning point. hard working people, betrayed by trump, struggling to survive. in this moment, we need a fighter. bernie sanders. we know he'll fight for us as president
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because he always has. i'm bernie sanders and i approve this message. s hey, everybody, we're here with patston oswalt, patton, you have a new stand up tour called i love everything. do you though? >> well. >> stephen: share some love. >> you know what, steve, sometimes my love of things leads to hatred. >> stephen: that is either very deep or veryb. >> thank for instance, i will give you an example. i love a clean and orderly
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starbucks fixings area with you will a the sugars and milk,. >> stephen: cinnamon and stuff like that. >> yes. and i don't know what is going on, people, you go to those starbucks things and they, like do they open the sugar and koond of-- go like this and drop it down and they just kind of-- it looks like they were adding milk to their coffee but pouring it in their palm and putting it-- trying to-- it's so disgusting, do you know what i mean, it drives me nuts. >> stephen: people are animals, they are animals. >> look. >> stephen: i have seen stadium bathrooms bathroom cleaner than a fixings area. >> the stadium bathroom, you have an excuse for that to be mess eeks there is a game going on, have i to get back to the game, i'm a little drunk. who is going on at starbucks where you are just-- like pem are running by-- di-- i don't know what, the starbucks fixings area, that is the only tie i have ever gone, i don't know if we're going to make it as a species. we might actually, we're
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certainly not going to colonize mars. if this is how we leave, we are not going to teraform another planet. if you can't throw away a sugar in the raw packet! >> stephen: thank you, my guest using the word teraform. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: check out patton os wall-- -- for his tour dates, patton, everybody. tom steyer: listen, every democrat running for president
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is better than the criminal in the white house. we all have progressive plans to address the big challenges facing our country. what makes me different, is i've been working for ten years outside of washington, to end the corporate takeover of our democracy, and to return power to the american people. i started need to impeach to hold this lawless president accountable. i'm proposing big reforms like term limits... ...a national referendum... ...and ending corporate money in politics. as president, i'll declare climate change an emergency on day 1. and, use those powers to finally address the climate crisis. and, i've spent 30 years building a successful international business. so, i can take on donald trump on the economy - and beat him. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message - because there is nothing more powerful than the unified voice of the american people.
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othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bl
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>> stephen: that's it for the late show, tune in tomorrow when my guests will be jamesayr and joe montegna. good night. clang, clang, clang clang clang. death by ham bone, how did captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the grand state of omaha, give it up for your


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