colbert is up next. >> thanks for watching, the news continuing streaming on cbsnbay area, have a great night. >> good night captioning sponsored by y cbs >> taliban 2.0 -- more moderate, inclususive, power s sharing. >> senior leleaders claiaiming y wawant to form a an inclusivee isislamic governrnment. >> on wewednesday, thehe supposy new taliban held a press conference.

>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, double jeopardy, plus stephen welcomes sean penn, dylan penn, and musical guest crowded house. featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: oh, yeah!

this is something different. this is what you want. ( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: oh, 1u78ertime crowd. that is fan tavjts welcome to "the late show," ladies and gentlemen, mr. and mrs. america and all the ships at sea, i am your host stephen colbert! >> jon: there he is. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: this crowd is electric and live on this planet tonight! ( cheers and applause ) they want to hear me talk about the big story everyone's talking about now, continues to be the chaos surrounding the recent poorly-handled regime change... over at "jeopardy!" ( laughter ) now, before you say "stephen, the 'late show' is the most prestigious of all the late night chuckle-fests-- what are you doing talking about the game show 'jeopardy!' and who will host it?", i have one thing to say to you: i don't know. ( laughter ) all i know is, the mission statement of this show is to talk about what everyone is

talking about. and for some reason, everyone is talking about this. possibly to avoid talking about everything else. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) that's it. nailed it. that's it. bing, bang, write that down. now that i've established that this is item one of the national conversation, let me fill you in on the deets. "jeopardy!" recently conducted a months-long search for their new host, led in part by executive producer mike richards, also known as bland... james bland. ( laughter ) during their search, the show tried out everyone from friend of the show anderson cooper to friend of the show levar burton to friend of the show katie couric to dr oz. ( laughter ) which is why people were a bit surprised when, in the end, as their permanent weeknight host,

the executive producers of "jeopardy!" selected executive producer mike richards. wow, what are the odds? exactly the same as me getting named "stephen colbert magazine's sexiest man alive." ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) suck it, ryan gosling. ( laughter ) america's leading game show journalists were stunned, including the huffingpo, whose headline blared, "so the 'jeopardy!' guest host rotation was apparently all for show." wait a second! are you telling me that a television show did something that was for show? ( laughter ) i'm so disillusioned. are those housewives even real? ( laughter ) it's only getting worse for

richards, after resurfaced podcast audio revealed that in 2014, mike richards made crude comments about women, jews, and haiti. ( booing ) >> stephen: oooh... looks like richards' job might be in "jeopardy!" (scary music) ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) so what did he say? well, on one podcast, richards asked his co-hosts, both younger women, whether they had ever taken nude photos, saying, "like, booby pictures?" "booby pictures"? is this man about to become the host of america's most beloved quiz show, or a 12-year-old boy trying to sneak into an r-rated movie?

"yes, i'd like one grown-up ticket to your 2:00 p.m. booby picture. i have been told these boobies have the niblets?" in response to these new revelations, richards released a statement, saying, "it's more than clear that my attempts to be funny and provocative were not acceptable, and i have removed the episodes." interesting apology. "i know i drove drunk and plowed through your rose garden, but to prove i'm sorry, i recycled my empty liquor bottles." speaking of disastrous transitions: (buzzer) "what is afghanistan?" ( cheers and applause ) no one's sure at this point. the withdrawal did not go quite as well as joe biden had hoped. and unfortunately for him, there were tv cameras. he really should have evacuated those first. in a poll taken on friday, biden's approval rating was 53%. but over the weekend, his approval fell faster than kabul, plummeting to 46%.

so, yesterday, biden sat down with george stephanopoulos for his first one-on-one interview since the takeover, and he thought the debacle went according to plan. >> the idea that somehow, there's a way to have gotten out without chaos ensuing, i don't know how that happens. granted, it took two days to take control of the airport. we have control of the airport now. >> but we've all seen the pictures. we've seen those hundreds of people packed in a c-17. we've seen afghans falling-- >> that was four days ago. five days ago. >> stephen: (as biden) "look, jack, no one remember -- come on, man, get real. ( cheers and applause ) no, i'm serious, no, come on, i'm not kidding around, folks, no one remembers what happened four or five days ago. all that stuff is ancient monday! but i do remember every single thing my dad ever said in 1952. he told me, 'joey, when you leave afghanistan, it's going to be messier than a pack of dogs eatin' a blueberry pie.' anyway, what was i talking about? who knows at this point?

that was four, five seconds ago. come on!" ( laughter ) in other political news, the delta variant has stormed capitol hill. today, three senators announced within hours of each other that they had tested positive for the coronavirus. oh, no! i hope the united states senate is not famously full of the oldest people on earth. ( cheers and applause ) what? the infected senators in question are roger wicker, republican of mississippi; angus king, independent from maine; and john hickenlooper, democrat from colorado. a republican, a democrat, and an independent! at least the virus is bipartisan! ( laughter ) ( applause ) clearly, some senators are reaching across the aisle... and not washing their hands afterwards.

( laughter ) we're getting new science every day about what does and doesn't prevent covid. for instance, today we learned those anti-covid plastic barriers probably don't help, and may make things worse. wait, have they ever worked? because for decades, that has also been our salad bar protection technology. that's disturbing. ( applause ) so, i'm officially off salad, i'm off salads for safety sake, unless it has first been sterilized in a deep fat fryer. unfortunately, covid cases continue to spike, especially along the gulf coast, where the so-called "redneck riviera" is now a virus hotspot. now, if you've never been there, it's kind of like the french riviera, but instead of the cannes film festival, it's "the show-us-your-cans festival." ( laughter ) ( applause )

that right there, jon -- >> jon: i don't mess with that one. >> stephen: that was dangerously close to ay picture. ( laughter ) health officials are blaming the spike on the area's unabated tourism and a disregard for basic health precautions. coincidentally, that's also florida's state motto. sounds better in latin. it's a little classier. people are ignoring c.d.c. recommendations. for example, don't go to florida. also, in a bar called "the hangout," patrons crammed together, unmasked, singing "cotton eye joe." of course, the lyrics are a little different: >> stephen: vaccine's for cotton eye joe ♪ ♪ he's got tetanus and polio ♪ ♪ he caught covid two days ago ♪ ♪ now he can't smell my chicken gumbo ♪ ( laughter )

despite all the covid concerns, mini-golf courses, bars, go-kart tracks, and hotels were full. and one shopper after another walked through the mouth of a giant, fake shark. if only there were some kind of metaphor for willingly strolling into the jaws of doom. ( applause ) the delta variant has hit the entire world, which apparently includes england, where a whopping 94% of adults have covid-19 antibodies, and roughly 80.7% of their adult population has been fully vaccinated because they've really focused on reaching vulnerable populations, which for them includes people over 50. so, by british standards, i'm a vulnerable population. also by british standards, i didn't gain 14 pounds over the pandemic. i gained one stone. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: mm-hmm. looking good. >> stephen: i'm impressed with

how well england is doing with the covid vaccine, so i'd like to say something to my british viewers. meet me over at the brit cam. 'allo, guv. thanks for clickin' on the ole telly. just mary poppin' in to say: please take us back! that whole "revolution" thing, we were just having a laugh! we were takin' the piss out of your bangers and mash! we're gobsmacked by your vaccination rate, just chuffed. blimey! let's leg it to the pub for elevenses and fish and chips, innit? we'll do whatever you want: we'll call soccer "football," we'll call math "maths," and we'll call piers morgan a journalist. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) god save the queen-- or toss the old bird, i'm not sure which side you guys land on right now. chim, chim, cher-ee. ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. ( piano riff ) my guests are the father-daughter team of sean and dylan penn. bu when we return, sex. it sells. stick around.

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♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody! give it up for jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey! whoo! >> stephen: jon -- ( jon humming ) >> stephen: jon, in just a few

minutes, oscar winner, truly gifted artist sean penn is going to be out here. >> jon: oh, yeah, it's a family affair. >> stephen: it is. it's a family affair because his very talented daughter dylan penn who's starring in the movie he is directing and stars in will be out here, too. a little stack like that. excuse me one second. i'm going to have a little bit of my -- coffee. ( laughter ) jon, you got any plans this weekend? >> yeah, i'm playing in central park this weekend. >> stephen: did you get me a ticket? >> if you're going to come down, you will be on the stage with us. >> stephen: what am i going to do? >> jon: i know you dance and sing. >> stephen: i've got one move, jon. that's it. one move. ( cheers and applause )

you play caravan, i'll do it. break a leg and say hi to, you know, bruce for me. ( cheering ) folks, everybody knows i love sports, but mostly for the branding. which is why i'm so excited that we're on the cusp of a new, non-offensive nickname for the washington football team, formerly known as the washington "i'm not going to say that." to whet the fans' appetite, the team released this video of their coach and general manager reviewing the finalists: >> this is a follow-up to our early conversations on naming. you like it? >> yeah, that's interesting. it's almost cartoonish. i'd do this "w" like that. >> so the three that we'll go through are... (bleep), (bleep), andnd (bleep). > i like (bleleep). >> i r really like ( (bleep). >> s stephen: when you're trying to find a non-offensive name, it's not a good look when you have to bleep and blur the options.

what kind of names are they considering? ( applause ) the mind reels. the washington deek 'n balls? the fightin' red taints? the unsolicited penis pics? all still less offensive than their previous name. speaking of blurring things, there's big news from the internet today, because we learned that starting in october, the site "onlyfans" will ban sexually explicit content. they know that fans of onlyfans are only fans of one thing, right? but don't worry. starting october 1, onlyfans will still live up to its name by offering hot oscillating action!

why did only fans drop the booby pics? well, reportedly, "onlyfans was struggling to find outside investors because of its adult content." evidently, pornography does not live up to the high moral standards of investment bankers. ( laughter ) ( applause ) unless it's them (bleep) the economy. ( laughter ) then it's fine. ( cheers and applause ) goo giving us the blues there. >> stephen: now, there's a bright side to banning shots of where the sun don't shine, because onlyfans says while sexually explicit material will be banned, nudity that is not sexually explicit will remain allowed. so you can only post nude images that would never turn on anyone. ( laughter ) and, i'm sorry, i just don't need the money badly enough. but i do have good news for the onlyfans-fans out there. there is another place to find sexually explicit material on the internet.

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this guy h here is bususy woworking on our statate's recocovery. you see hehe lives in n califoa and d by vacatioioning inin californinia he's susupporting o our bubusinesses a and communinit.

whicich means every y fruity skekewer is likike another r sweet nal inin the rebuiuilding of our e economy. hahammer away y craftsman.. calling alall californrnians. keep youour vavacation herere and help o our state get backck to work.. and pleaease travavel responsnsibly. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! folks, i'm excited because my first guest is a two-time academy award-winning actor, director, and author you know from "dead man walking," "mystic river," and "milk." his new film is "flag day." >> dad, what do you do. uet do -- what do you mean whati

do? >> for a living? i'm an entrepreneur. my skill is opportunities. >> like what? for instance, right now i got a whole raft of businesses. i'm working a very broad portfolio. when you work it that way, you don't have to pin it on one business to be your bread and butter. yield goes down on one, pops up on the other, and the good news is that i'm doing really great with that. >> stephen: please welcome back to "the late show" sean penn! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: make yourself at home.

nice to see you again. >> good to see you, too. >> stephen: you dont's do a lot of talk shows. >> no. >> stephen: no. always glad when you can show up. >> always glad to be here for yours. >> stephen: always interesting to talk to you. it's never a conversation i'm going to expect. >> mmm... let's see how that goes tonight. >> stephen: let's roll the bones. you've actually made some headlines recently. i've got one right here regarding -- well, covid, really. here's what i'm talking about. sean penn, lying in sand, bond return to watergate series gas lit unless all cast and crew get mandatory covid vaccinations. ( cheers and applause ) we're vaccinated, you're vacs made. so this is a big thing. this is a big thing that basically all industries are dealing with but especially showbiz because a lot of people

come together for short periods of time from different locations. how did that go over? >> i think at the end of the day, the difficulty is with cowardly union leadership in many cases, because the businesses themselves, i think most people like your audience are rational. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what's the rationale for what is -- i want to point out to the unions he said cowardly, not me. ( laughter ) i want to know what's the rationale to be given to not get it from the people. >> because there's a fringe within each of these constituencies within the unions that they are, i believe, leadership is afraid of, and it's the same parallel fringe to the fringe that we see throughout the country and the way that it's been -- you know, once the genie of irrationality got out of the bottle from the

leadership at the beginning of this, it's become embedded politicking radicalism that doesn't understand the country's independence is because of its interdependence. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: so how's it going? are you going back to the set? >> well, it seems to be -- so what good thing did happen is that, immediately after i left -- and i should say i had a lot of support from my coe ac -- co-actors and producers on this. the next day, 14 people got voluntarily vaccinated. ( cheers and applause ) the bad news is that, on a crew of 100 or something, that means there are more than 14 people who had chosen not to because it's not entirely vaccinated yet.

the way they did it, of course, was the only kind of real protection was around the zone of people that would be coming in close contact with actors which is its own kind of elitist charge. >> they call it zone a. zone a. so my understanding is they've negotiated something where the -- those union members who have refused to get vaccinated, who do get tested, will remain until they have shot out everything they can shoot out without me, and then at the end they will replace anyone who's not vaccinated with people who are vaccinated. >> stephen: your organization core offered vaccinations in los angeles. it's the community organized relief effort. >> correct. >> stephen: you were giving out vaccinations in the los angeles area? >> yeah, we were running along with l.a. fire department, dodger stadium and all the significant los angeles city sites. throughout the country, we were

starting with the testing and then enter faction, and we continued to. there are less of the big supersites and much more of the mobile outreach trying to get into, in particular, the more marginalized communities but now trying to target areas that seem more invested in misinformation. ( applause ) >> stephen: i think i understand that core was something that you helped create in 2010, after the haiti earthquake that year. >> correct. >> stephen: because you went down there to help and created this. obviously, there was another earthquake down there. is core back down there? >> y ep. >> stephen: do you know what's going on? >> core never left. we've got 100 full-time haitian staff down there and they deployed that day, with medical and heavy equipment supporting the search and rescue and rubble removal. >> stephen: well, a lot of

people, especially in our business, speak a good game about caring for those who need help. i like that you've, you know, put your time where your mouth is here, and your effort. i'm curious what average people can do to help. what can they do to help you? >> to do what we're doing, they have the equipment, the medical hygiene kit distribution, all of that is made more aggressive by funding and it comes down to dollars. so you make -- we are able to get a lot more dollars by a lot of people giving a little money, $5, $10, $15, whatever it is. >> stephen: what's the name of the web site. >> coreresponse.org would be great. >> stephen: there you go. ( cheers and applause ) you invest yourself in the needs of these people. how do you yourself, especially

looking at the world today, fight off despondency yourself? >> vodka tonic. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's also the recipe. ( applause ) let's talk about your movie "flag day," which is a movie that you direct and star in, and it's the first time you've directed yourself, correct? >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: now, i hear that actor sean penn can be a bit of a handful. do you enjoy working with him? ( laughter ) >> briprick communist. >> stephen: wow, sure. he'll just walk off the set if everyone isn't vaccinated. what a jerk. ( laughter ) but it's also -- it's also you're directing your daughter in this as well and your son also has a part. your daughter dylan is the star of the movie. what is it like to direct her?

does it all go very smoothly? >> not all the time. ( laughter ) >> stephen: keep in mind, whatever you answer, i'm going to ask her if you told the truth when she comes out here in a moment. ( laughter ) >> the thing about my daughter is she was always a truth machine. >> stephen: of course, she's a daughter. that's what daughters are. ( laughter ) >> yeah, they keep peeling your onion, you know. >> stephen: yes, they know bull ( bleep ) when they hear it. >> yeah, that's true. ( applause ) >> stephen: so, you know, she has to go through some pretty emotionally wrought scenes here. does dad, sean penn, can he let director sean penn let the scene goes on when he sees daughter dylan crying or are you attempted to stop the scene and comfort her? >> there were times that i thought to call chi child protee

services on myself. ( laughter ) it was. there were sometimes -- because you're asking -- you know, as you do with actors -- people to go to difficult and painful places sometimes and to see her going through it and to say, go deeper, go -- it was -- yeah, it was devastating sometimes, but she wanted to go there, and it was so beautiful in those scenes and the lighter to see the magic of her talent and the kind of poetry of her emotional life come forward through those things, and it was also thrilling. >> stephen: this premiered. yes. >> stephen: she got great notices. >> yes. >> stephen: would you want to work with sean penn again? ( laughter ) would you want to direct you again, i guess? >> yes, i would not. ( laughter ) ( applause )

>> stephen: it's a family business for you. for the people who don't know, your farther leo was an actor and director and your mother eileen ryan is an actress. as a father looking at your children going into the business, i'm just curious what your parents thought about you going into the business? were they worried, encourage it? were they, like, yeah, sure, water's fine, or no! >> it was very encouraged. i should say it was a proud thing to be an actor in the family i grew up in. then i became an actor, and then i did my first play, and then my parents came to it, and then my parents came backstage, and then my mother said, that was terrible. ( laughter ) and it was all you've got to go to university so you will have

something to fall back on, like that. >> stephen: maybe diesel mechanics or something like that, always need mechanics. >> yeah, mm-hmm. >> stephen: how did that feel, sean? take me through it, let's go back to that feeling, let's follow that. i'm asking you to dig deeper, that's what i'm asking. we'll go to commercial. you think about that. we're going to take a quick break. when we come back, dylan penn will join us and i'll ask her what it's dike to be directed by oscar winner sean penn! people everywhere living with type 2 diabetes are waking up to what's possible with rybelsus®. ♪ you are my sunshine ♪ ♪ my only sunshine... ♪ rybelsus® works differently than any other diabetes pill to lower blood sugar in all 3 of these ways... increases insulin when you need it...

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♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back, everybody! we're back here with sean penn. but now let's bring out the star of "flag day," and his daughter, dylan penn! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey, nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you. >> stephen: is this the first time that you have been on a talk show? >> first time ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, thank you

for making it here to your first talk show. >> thank you. >> stephen: i was talking to sean earlier about the process of you guys working together, and i'm curious whether working with sean penn, you know, oscar winner, director is more intimidating than having sean penn as a father. >> no. it's different but not more intimidating. >> stephen: did you guys get into loggerheads with each other over notes? like, mmm, i don't think so. >> we had one major i think it was a two-hour standoff about a note that he had. >> stephen: two hours of one note? >> mm-hmm, about whether i could wear mascara or not wear mascara. ( laughter ) he won. >> stephen: that is a fight a father usually has with a daughter when she's 12. >> yes. >> stephen: he won? he won. >> stephen: did you guys go

someplace private to have this fight or was it a knock-down, drag-out in front of the crew? >> no, it was very public. it was a -- once it was clear that she was making the wrong decision, ( laughter ) i just went and sat down, and then the silence was one the crew had to live with for two hours while the penns figured it out. >> stephen: did you roll on that? because i would watch that movie. ( laughter ) i was talking to your dad. he's from a showbiz family. even though both your parents are very accomplished performers, i'm curious whether you had to have the regular, like, actor jobs. like i waited tables for years and years and years. did you have to do -- >> same here. >> stephen: okay, i'm glad. suffering is good for the soul. >> it is good. >> stephen: what did you have to do? >> so i was -- i mean, i worked in service, like waiting tables.

i hosted, i was an unpaid intern at an ad agency, that was all in the city. then i moved to l.a. to go to school and i actually started delivering pizzas for a living. >> stephen: really? yes. >> stephen: how did that go? it was very humbling. very -- >> stephen: also good for the soul. >> yeah. no tips. and i would deliver to -- >> stephen: were you acting at the same time. >> i was modeling. model by day. pizza delivery at night. i would come in full hair and makeup and delivering to a lot of fraternities at u.c.l.a. i would come in full makeup and hair with the pizza hat with the pizza and they would be, like, guys, i think the stripper is still here. >> stephen: because you were all made up and everything? >> no, and i actually have a pizza. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i would also watch

that movie. ( laughter ) sean penn, i was just talking to sean penn over here, and sean penn says he doesn't want to direct sean penn anymore. you want to be a director. would you want to direct sean penn? >> 100%. >> stephen: really? oh, yeah. >> stephen: you were impressed with his work. >> i was. i want to flip it around. >> stephen: flip it around, okay. >> yeah, it's my turn. >> stephen: did you give him any notes as a fellow actor? sometimes actors will go, hey, that's great there. did you do that in the movie. >> there was a lot of shorthand between us, but, yes, i'm sure. >> stephen: i didn't ask you, sean. >> all right. >> stephen: this is her interview now. her interview. before i go, i want to know, your father is an

extraordinarily accomplished actor. do you have a favorite performance of his? >> yeah. i think -- i think the tide, i am sam, and milk. tide for me. i don't see him in any of those. >> stephen: he totally disappears? >> do you see him in jeff from "fast times at ridgemont high"? >> i see my brother. >> stephen: how old was she before you let her watch fast times at ridgemont high? >> one forgets because while i think it's a funny movie, there were -- let's say i had forgotten there were some pretty racy things in there. so whatever age it was, it was too early. >> stephen: dylan, sean, lovely to meet you.

always good to see you, sean. >> good to see you. >> stephen: "flag day" is in theaters tomorrow. sean and dylan penn, everybody. back with a performance by crowded house. ( cheers and applause ) (vo) when you are shopping for a new vehicle, how do you know which brand you can trust? with subaru, you get kelley blue book's most trusted brand winner, seven years in a row. in fact, subaru has won most trusted brand

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