Skip to main content

tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  February 27, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am EST

11:35 pm
sleep well. captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> for best ( laughter ) >> la-la land. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes connie britton, zoey deutch, musical guest lori mckenna, jon stewart, featuring jon batiste
11:36 pm
and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! good to see ya! ( cheers and applause ) have a seat! thank you so much! oh! ladies and gentlemen, welcome! ( cheering ) welcome to the "late show." i'm la la land... sorry, i'm stephen colbert. ( laughter ) dear lordie, did you see that last night? that was the craziest ending to the oscars since it turned out helen mirren was kaiser soze. ( laughter )
11:37 pm
for those of you who only watched the first three hours and twenty nine minutes of the ceremony, spoiler alert, "moonlight" won best picture. ( cheers and applause ) beautiful. but here's how warren beatty and faye dunaway announced the category. >> and the academy award... for best picture. >> you're impossible. come on! "la la land." ( cheers and applause ) ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: that is so uncomfortable to watch when you know what's coming. it's like watching titanic, except titanic actually won best picture. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yeah, yeah.
11:38 pm
i feel so bad for the "la la land" people and the poor "moonlight" people. it should've been a great moment for african americans, but there's always a catch. you know? ( laughter ) "here's your oscar, but some white folks get to touch it first." ( laughter ) ( applause ) dropped it? okay. ( laughter ) and to make matters worse, while they were up on stage, ryan gosling explained jazz to them. ( laughter ) did you see that movie? see that "la la land" movie? >> i saw it. >> stephen: do you understand jazz now? >> i get it now. >> stephen: you get it now. okay. ( laughter ) now it wasn't warren beatty and faye dunaway's fault. the accountant in the wings gave them an envelope showing the winner of the previous category best actress, emma stone for la la land. you had one job, price waterhouse coopers!
11:39 pm
one job! ( cheers and applause ) one! that's it! that's all they had to do! >> jon: yes. >> stephen: thank god they don't run an s.t.d. clinic. ( laughter ) "you're all clean, mr. johnson. have a nice day..... no, i'm sorry, emma stone is clean, you have chlamydia." ( laughter ) legally, i can say emile ouamouno is all clean. i can legally say that. speaking of heartbreaking mistakes, donald trump -- ( cheers and applause ) -- donald trump will address a joint session of congress tomorrow night. we'll be doing a live show because, it's the only thing that slows down my drinking. that joke is based on a true story. ( laughter )
11:40 pm
now, we don't know exactly what the president is going to say, but word is he will finally reveal his plan to replace obamacare, which he teased this morning. >> we're going to repeal and replace obamacare. and we have come up with a solution that's really, really, i think, very good. ( laughter ) now, i have to tell you, it's an unbelievably complex subject. nobody knew that health care could be so complicated. ( laughter ) ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: some people knew. a few people knew. one or two. ( applause ) i could think of one guy -- tall, big smile, used to sit in your chair -- ( laughter ) it's just you didn't know. that's like if i performed open heart surgery tomorrow and said, "wow, nobody knew it would be so wet in here!"
11:41 pm
( laughter ) now, to warm up for tomorrow night, trump gave a big speech on friday at cpac and went after anonymous leaks. >> i'm against the people that make up stories and make up sources. they shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name. let their name be put out there. let their name be put out. a source says that donald trump is a horrible, horrible human being. let them say it to my face. >> stephen: sir -- ( cheers and applause ) -- it would be my honor to say
11:42 pm
it to your face. just walk over to your tv screen and let me just get right up and-- "you, donald trump, are a horrible, horrible human being." ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) come closer. come closer. oh, there you are. ( cheers and applause ) we'll clean this later. ( laughter ) meanwhile, white house press secretary and bleached minion sean spicer launched his own war against leakers by holding random phone checks of white house staffers. he's got to do something. he knows for a fact, there's one guy in the white house who keeps sending out unhinged tweets at 3:00 a.m. it's nuts.
11:43 pm
he's got to find him. ( applause ) so with all this going on, it's no surprise that, on saturday, trump tweeted, "i will not be attending the white house correspondents' association dinner this year. please wish everyone well and have a great evening!" that's disappointing, but it's not his fault. that night, he's already scheduled to be at the kremlin correspondents' dinner. ( laughter ) ( applause ) he's double-booked. nothing he can do. darn it! poor planning. but trump spokesperson and 35-year-old who still hangs around the sorority house sarah huckabee, offered up a convincing analogy to explain why trump would skip the event. >> i think it's kind of naive of us to think that we can all walk into a room for a couple of hours and pretend that some of that tension isn't there. you know, one of the things we say in the south, if a girl scout egged your house, would you buy cookies from her?
11:44 pm
( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, i would. though, i'm from the south, and that's an expression we use all the time. >> jon: right, right. >> stephen: down south, the girl scouts are horrible, horrible people. they will murder you. but i do love the thin mints. ( laughter ) too bad trump's not going to go because i'm sure he would have given a hilarious speech. can you imagine? you don't have to. jim? >> and now, delivering his 2017 white house correspondents' dinner address, please welcome to the podium president donald trump! >> thank you. thank you. great crowd. if you like enemies of the american people. ( drum snap ) nothing, ne huh?
11:45 pm
okay. any latinos in the audience tonight? give it a minute, you're being arrested. because i like getting rid of latinos. >> you suck! i don't suck. you know who that is? knock, knock, who's there? fake. fake who? fake news. this guy knows who i'm talking about. ( laughter ) look! he's not wearing any pants! okay, it's happening again! no! it's okay, donny -- it's just a dream -- you're not even going to the white house correspondents' dinner this year. they can't hurt you here. >> hey, look! he wet the bed! >> huh? what? noooooo! ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we have a great show for your tonight. connie britton is here. but first, i'll be over there
11:46 pm
talking fake news with an old friend. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) and we're gonna get the phone- i his phone,ry sorry. uh out of you... as soon as- [ringtone] [ringtone] i have to, i have to take this. just a little pinch... sweetheart, i left my phone insi- [inaudible muffled voice] i'm having phone...issues... bye! uh, we're gonna fix this, needless to say. [voice-activated double-tone] okay. resuming play... ♪oh mickey what a pity you don't understand♪ snickers® satisfies. pay stubs and bank statements to refinance your home. w2s, or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online.
11:47 pm
securely share your financial info and confidently get an accurate mortgage solution in minutes. lift the burden of getting a home loan with rocket mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper: rocket] school lunch can be difficult. cafeteria chaos. one little struggle... can lead to one monumental mishap. not with ziploc easy open tabs. because life needs ziploc. sc johnson.
11:48 pm
then shielding lubrication. and cooling. brrr. with lubrication before and after the blades. shields and cools while you shave. proshield chill from gillette.
11:49 pm
11:50 pm
( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! say hi to jon batiste and "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) come on! you know, folks, ladies and gentlemen, a little earlier in the show, standing over there, i was talking to you about donald trump's hostile relationship with the media. it hit a new low friday when at an informing press briefing,
11:51 pm
sean spicer banned reporters from cnn, the new york times, politico, the los angeles times and buzzfeed. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: it's upsetting, but you have to understand, buzzfeed was excluded because spicer didn't like the answer he got for "which gilmore girl are you." ( laughter ) such a lorelei! and this came only a few hours after trump said this -- >> i love the first amendment. nobody knows loves it better than me. >> stephen: yeah. it's like they say -- if you love the first amendment, set it free. if it comes back, don't let it in the press briefing. and the root of all this is that trump calls any story he doesn't like "fake news." ( cheers and applause ) >> i mean, the whole thing is just -- just -- ( cheers and applause )
11:52 pm
>> stephen: hey! it's jon stewart, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey jon, great to see you. >> nice to see you as well. how did you get under my desk? >> i had a tunnel built straight from the farm. >> stephen: you came here from the farm? >> right from the farm. >> stephen: you do your farming in makeup and a tie? >> i like to look nice. ( laughter ) >> stephen: john -- hmm? >> stephen: you miss it, don't you? >> yes, i miss it! ( cheers and applause ) >> i spend the whole day yelling about trump to the animals. ( laughter ) we have a barn spider, don't know the name, wove "please get
11:53 pm
a job" into a web! >> stephen: jon, if you need to get away from the farm, you're always welcome here. we have a chair right here. there you go. >> oh, this is nice! ( cheers and applause ) i like this. it's a little tight. a lilt tight. >> stephen: yes, it is. so, jon. jon, what do you think about trump banning the mainstream media from that briefing and him not going to the correspondent's dinner? >> i can't believe the guy's got the balls to get away with that. trump lies more in one press conference than cnn does in a year, and that's coming from a guy who hates cnn. ( laughter ) look at this. >> got 306 electoral college votes. i guess it was the biggest electoral college win since ronald reagan.
11:54 pm
>> you guess wrong! ( laughter ) it was smaller than both of barack obama's wins and bill clinton and george h.w. bush. it's the biggest win since reagan if you don't count everyone since reagan. but what about this? >> the murder rate in our country is the highest it has been in 47 years. did you know that? 47 years. i'd say that in a speech and everybody was surprised because the press doesn't tell it like it is. >> no. they were surprised because it's not true! it's near the lowest it's been in 45 years. ( cheers and applause ) and then this one is my favorite. you've got to see this one. >> bomb threats have been made against jewish centers all across the country in the last couple of weeks. there are people who are committing antisemitic acts or threatening to -- >> you see, he said he was going to ask a very simple easy question. and its not. it's not. not a simple question, not a fair question. okay, sit down.
11:55 pm
i understand the rest of your question. so here's the story folks, number one, i am the least anti-semitic person you've ever seen in your entire life. ( laughter ) >> i don't think that's true! ( laughter ) ( applause ) he said that to a guy wearing a yamaka! donald, you're not even the least anti-semitic person in that clip we showed! >> stephen: jon, the president exaggerates, but you can't possibly know he's lying on purpose. >> stephen, you can! >> stephen: how? because he constantly says the phrase "believe me."
11:56 pm
nobody says "believe me" unless they're lying. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: can you migh give mn example? >> honey, i was just helping stacy test out her perfect sleep number, believe me. what? no, it's just a giant wooden horse. believe me. what? democrats in disarray? no, they have a plan. believe me. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: c'mon, he doesn't say believe me that often. >> roll 212. >> believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me ok, believe me. believe me. believe me folks. believe me. believe me. believe me, be-lieve me. buh-lieve me.
11:57 pm
>> buh-bull( bleep ). ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> buh-bull( bleep ). >> stephen: so you agree with me that banning the press is unamerican? >> aw, it's unamerican not to like us! i say, stop your whining. i'd like to talk to the media for a second. >> stephen: sure, go ahead. which camera goes to the media. >> stephen: that one. ( laughter ) >> hey, media. i heard donald broke up with you. stings a little. you finally thought you'd met your perfect match. a blabber-mouth who's as thin-skinned and narcissistic as you are. ( audience reacts ) ( laughter ) now it's over! well, good riddance. i say -- kick -- him -- to -- the -- curb. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> thank you.
11:58 pm
it's time for you to get your groove back, media. because, you know, you kind of let yourself go a little bit these past few years. you put on a few pundits. obsessing, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, about this one guy. "what's donny up to? did he say anything about us? you think he's gonna come on? do you think he likes us? he doesn't even have to come himself. he can just call in! donny, please! just let us know you're okay!" ( laughter ) and the whole time you're all chasing after him, the rest of us are thinking, "but can't you see he's an ( bleep )?" ( laughter ) no, you try to defend him! "oh, no, no, that's just primaries donald. that's just election donald. you'll see. we can change him! he'll get presidential!" yeah, how'd that work out? it didn't. you know why? because 70-year-old men don't get less cranky or racist as time goes by --
11:59 pm
( cheers and applause ) unless they happen to be visited by three spirits in the night. ( laughter ) look, media, i'm not saying the break up is going to be easy. you're going to see your ex swiping far right with every tom, drudge, and breitbart. and they do ( bleep ). er( audience reacts ) >> stephen: jon, we're on cbs. in my defense, they do (bleep)! did i get us canceled? >> stephen: us? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) but here's my point, media --
12:00 am
this breakup has given you an amazing opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. instead of worrying about whether trump is unamerican or if he thinks you're the enemy or if he's being mean to you or if he's going to let you back in the briefings, do something for yourself. take up a hobby. i recommend journalism. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i think this breakup is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. >> stephen: you really think the media is going to take this opportunity to self-examine and then get better at their job? >> i really do. believe me. ( laughter ) >> stephen: jon stewart, everyone! ♪ we'll be right back with connie britton. measured in zeros. but shouldn't it be about firsts? and seconds? how about adding a third?
12:01 am
we think there's a bajillion ways to measure success. like making your toddler giggle like this. yep that's a success! can teaching kids in another country how to say "pony" make you a success? the correct answer is yeah. what about taking pride in everything you do? finding the courage to do something you've never done? or doing something no one's ever done? we sure think so. this is what we call... the new success story and while success isn't just about money, no matter how much you have, we think you deserve the financial freedom to sleep like this at night. we are t-i-a-a, and we're with you. start today at t-i-a-a dot org. ♪ fortified.tored. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges.
12:02 am
why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. ♪ ♪ ♪ only at&t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices. data-free. entertainment. your way. only from at&t. you may write me down in history, with your bitter, twisted lies. you may trod me in the very dirt,
12:03 am
but still like dust, i rise. you can shoot me with your words... you can cut me with your lies... you can kill me with your hatefulness. but still, like air... we rise.
12:04 am
12:05 am
( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yes, yes, my friends! welcome back! ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is an emmy nominated actress you know from "friday night lights." and from "nashville," where she died in last week's episode -- sorry, spoiler alert! please welcome the very lovely connie britton. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> it's so cold in here my fingers have already shrunk two sizes. >> stephen: and your rings are falling off? >> yes. >> stephen: nice to see you again. last time we saw each other, we were at the president's 55t 55th birthday party. >> and not trump. >> stephen: not trump. different president, y'all. >> stephen: might be a few years before i get invited back
12:06 am
to that place. >> i feel the same. >> stephen: nice house. beautiful house. >> stephen: yeah. i wonder what he's done with it? >> stephen: just photos of himself and gold leaf everywhere. >> so much gold leaf. >> stephen: this is a big interview for me because this is your first public appearance since your character renna james died last week. ( audience reacts ) >> i know. it's my first public appearance since then, too, and it's my first time on your show! ( cheers and applause ) so it's weird for me because i'm dead, but i'm here. dews what i'm saying? >> stephen: right. how long did you play reno? >> five years. >> stephen: your fans are ardent, passionate fans. they kept that show on the air. >> this is an amazing crowd, by the way.
12:07 am
( cheers and applause ) "nashville" fans are of this caliber. >> stephen: do you have any comforting news for your fans? let's try to make the morning paper. is your character really dead or does she come back as an evil twin with a goatee, or are zombies hot right now? >> these are great ideas. you're so smart. >> stephen: is she really dead? >> she's really dead. >> stephen: oh, gosh. i'm sorry! >> stephen: yeah. he's really dead, but i think the twin sister idpa is not bad. >> stephen: mm-hmm. you know, it's "nashville." anything could happen. what if the long, lost twin sister comes back? oh, and she's such a devil! she'll come back and be horrible! >> stephen: do you have any words for your fans? >> i would say to my fans, first of all, i love you so much, this show loves you so much and that, you know, rena will live on
12:08 am
forever. you know, i feel so fortunate i was able to play that character, truly, with all my heart, i love that character so much. just like when we lose somebody in our lives, the spirit lives on. >> stephen: and reruns. and reruns. ( applause ) >> and there's reruns. >> stephen: i was pretty excited to find out about this. can i show this photo here? when you were a younger woman -- >> how dare you. >> stephen: -- you were roommates with senator kristin gillibrand right there. that's the two of you. looks like a couple of fun girls to run into when you're backpacking around. >> we weren't only backpacking around, we were in beijing, china. >> stephen: what year are we talking about here? >> how dare you. ( laughter ) that is rude! >> stephen: 2007. 2007, yeah. >> stephen: you were an asian studies major -- >> yes. >> stephen: with a focus in chinese?
12:09 am
>> yes. ( applause ) thank you, one person. >> stephen: did that come in handy while playing rena. >> especially then. i liked studying china because it let me learn about the people and the world. >> stephen: do you still have any mandarin? ( speaking mandarin ) that's it. that's all i've got. >> i could say one thing, and you just said the thing i could say, and i studied it four years. ( laughter ) and i went there with the senator from new york, and you just said the thing i can say. >> stephen: how did you guys get to know each other? roommates? >> yes, we were roommates in college, studying chinese together and roommates in beijing. >> stephen: what was it like? were you by yourself traipsing
12:10 am
around? >> no, we were there in a college program. we were getting into trouble. we were there in a summer term. we went to dartmouth college. it was the fourth of july. >> stephen: did they celebrate the fourth of july there? >> no, but there is an american embassy there, and they, of course, had a big fourth of july party, like you do when you're in beijing. >> stephen: all the fireworks you could possibly want. ( laughter ) >> that was actually true. but what we discovered was that they were having, at their fourth of july party, a lip sync contest. so kristin gillibrand and two others girls and i were all hanging out together in beijing, we performed our lip sync performance which was singing to madonna's "holiday." >> stephen: and was this a hit at the time?
12:11 am
( laughter ) 20 questions tonight. >> i see what you did there, ant i don't like it. okay? ( laughter ) i'm mad at you, but, really, i did it to myself. >> stephen: all right. the end of my story is we won the lip sync contest at the american embassy on the fourth of july in beijing with kristin gillibrand. >> stephen: i believe you deserve to be saluted. what did you win? >> maybe like little american flags on a stick. >> stephen: how long were you over there? >> like, three months. >> stephen: did your family worry about you at all? >> probably. >> stephen: what if you got sick or something like that? >> we got so sick we went to this beach town, ate who knows what, we got so sick we had to go to this chinese doctor and he gave us
12:12 am
>> stephen: you were there, too. >> i had to take it. we were all violently ill. >> stephen: the guy said it's toad venom? >> yes. >> stephen: that's president trump's answer for obamacare. ( applause ) >> it worked! >> stephen: congratulations. you're also a u.n. ambassador, right? >> yes. >> stephen: a good will ambassador. how do you spread good will? >> i just, you know, smile a lot. ( laughter ) >> stephen: is your job -- i say, what's up? >> stephen: what's happening in this photo here? that's you at the airport in nashville. >> that was in nashville. we recently greeted a new kurdish family who came in, we were turned away because of trump's ban, but they ended up
12:13 am
being able to come into the country and so we went to the international airport and greeted them. >> stephen: lovely. thank you so much for being here. >> yeah. >> stephen: was lovely to see you. >> thank you. >> stephen: i hope you do come back as your own evil twin, whether on "nashville" or this show. >> either way, yes. >> stephen: "nashville" airs thursday on cmt. connie britton, everybody! we'll be back with zoey deutch. stick around! thank you so much! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
12:14 am
the world is full of surprising moments. they're everywhere. and as a marriot rewards member, i can embrace them all.
12:15 am
the new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. so no matter where you go, you are here. join or link accounts at members.marriott.com. girl's night! girl's night! okay, when did colorful jeans become the hot trend that none of my friends told me about? we got 'em at old navy. you went to old navy without me? yea. you are the worst... ... best friends a girl could ever want! all jeans are up to 50% off, even these rockstar jeans. they are so soft. i'm putting these bad boys on right now. there's a bathroom right there. i do it all the time here. they know me. they know me. i am benedict arnold, the infamous traitor. and i know a thing or two about trading. so i trade with e*trade, where true traders trade on a trademarked trade platform that has all the... get off the computer traitor! i won't. (cannon sound)
12:16 am
12:17 am
( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! folks, my next guest is an actress who starred in "dirty grandpa," and "why him?" you can now see her in "before i fall". please welcome, zoey deutch! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
12:18 am
>> stephen: nice to meet you. i'm sorry i didn't get a chance to say hi before the show. i usually like to say hi but i was busy because a guy was under my desk. this must be old hat for you to be on camera. have you done a lot of talk shows and stuff like that? >> well, this is my favorite. my family's favorite talk show. >> stephen: i wasn't fishing. i know. >> stephen: it took you almost 20 seconds to say that. >> my grandma sent me a text before i walked on stage that said, he's my favorite, don't screw it up. >> stephen: say hi to grandma for me. >> hi, pam. >> stephen: hi, pam. she's doing great. your mom is leia thompson we know from "back to the future" and your father
12:19 am
from pretty in pink. is there some movie star you're impressed by? >> one time i looked at helen mirren in the eyes and put my hands like this and threw up in them. >> stephen: i'm sorry. ( laughter ) please do go back. >> yeah. >> stephen: why was that? it's sort of the beginning, middle and end of the story. not much else. that's a tell-tale sign that i really love helen mirren. >> stephen: you were so nervous? >> my body knew before my mind. >> stephen: i had her on the show and she walked right up to me and kissed me on the mouth. >> i heard. >> stephen: yeah, i heard, too! from my wife.
12:20 am
that helen mirren is quite an attractive lady. >> yeah. >> stephen: and you worked with brian cranston. he's attractive ( applause ) he's so approachable and cool. >> i call him america's sweetheart. he's the greatest man in the world. i'm going to say clap for that for sure. >> stephen: i'm all in on that. sure. yeah. >> yeah, he was amazing. actually the first day i met him was the morning he was nominated for an oscar. oscar. i stopped in to cbs and got a balloon and handed to him and i said, hi, i'm zoe. and i looked at it and it said, "it's a boy." ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, now, your new movie is called -- it's before i fall. what's that about? >> about a young girl that relives the last day of her life over and over again until she
12:21 am
learns how to right her wrong. the thing i love about this movie in what feels like a time of unparalleled meanness, this is a film about learning how to be kind to yourself and others and really proud of the movie. >> stephen: that's a very sweet thought. your director is here. >> yeah ( applause ) >> stephen: the film pre-mired at sundance this year, right? yeah. >> stephen: did you like it there? i have been once. did you enjoy the festival atmosphere? >> it was my first time. i get sick always, i think i've now told you guys that. >> stephen: sure, only when you're your happiest. >> yeah, right. i get sick all the time. so i was asking about altitude sickness and people are like zoey, it's just fear about reviews. >> stephen
12:22 am
i went to the women's march and threw up. >> stephen: did you have the hat? >> i did. >> stephen: was it amazing? it was amazing. it was a giant snowstorm. less of a march and more of a slide. >> stephen: just down the main street then. >> yes. >> stephen: you will be playing una o'neil in the salinger biopic. >> yes. >> stephen: have you read a lot of his stuff? >> i was delving into a lot of his short stories he didn't want to be published and kept hidden. he's eugene o'neil's daughter. that was really exciting. >> stephen: have you read some of the uncollected stuff like "girl in 1941 with no waist at all" and "girl in the inverted
12:23 am
forest"? >> you're a huge salinger fan! i knew you were going to -- >> stephen: yeah, because you know why? i'm an (bleep). ( laughter ) but i'm happy about it. lovely to meet you. thank you so much. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "before i fall" opens this friday. zoey deutch, everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by lori mckenna. ( cheers and applause ) internet dial up sound hi, i'm the internet. you've got mail! what did you think i'd look like? i'm wire-y. uh, i love stuff. give me more stuff. (singing) we're no strangers to love i love that! hey, i know a bunch of people who'd like that. who's that? the internet loves what you're doing. so build a site in under an hour. start for free at godaddy. ♪...run around and desert you
12:24 am
remember 2007? smartphones? o m g ten years later, nothing's really changed. it's time to snap out of it. hello moto. snap on a jbl speaker. put a 70" screen on a wall. get a 10x optical zoom. get excited world. hello moto. moto is here. the moto z with moto mods. visit verizonwireless.com/droid to discover today's hot deal.
12:25 am
the kind of deep sleep i can only get on my tempur-pedic. it adapts to me. my shape, my size, my body. tempur-pedic. this sleep is power.
12:26 am
we asked people to write down the things they love to do most on these balloons. travel with my daughter. roller derby. ♪ now give up half of 'em. do i have to? this is a tough financial choice we could face when we retire. but, if we start saving even just 1% more of our annual income... we could keep doing all the things we love. prudential. bring your challenges.
12:27 am
when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms.
12:28 am
or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. now's your chance at completely clear skin. just ask your doctor about taltz. now's your chance at cothen shielding lubrication. and cooling. brrr. with lubrication before and after the blades. shields and cools while you shave. proshield chill from gillette.
12:29 am
12:30 am
>> stephen: here performing her grammy winning song, "humble and kind," please welcome acm nominee lori mckenna! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ you know there's a light that glows by the front door ♪ don't forget the key is under the mat ♪ where childhood stars shine always stay humble and kind ♪ go to church cause your mama says to ♪ visit grandpa every chance
12:31 am
that you can ♪ it won't be wasted time always stay humble and kind ♪ hold the door say please ♪ say thank you don't steal ♪ don't cheat and don't lie ♪ i know you got mountains to climb ♪ but always stay humble and kind ♪ when the dreams you're dreaming come to you ♪ when the work you put in is realized ♪ let yourself feel the pride and always stay humble and kind ♪ don't expect a free ride from no one
12:32 am
♪ don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why ♪ bitterness keeps you from flying ♪ always stay humble and kind ♪ know the difference between sleeping with someone ♪ and sleeping with someone you love ♪ "i love you" ain't no pick up line ♪ always stay humble and kind ♪ hold the door say please ♪ say thank you don't steal ♪ don't cheat and don't lie ♪ i know you got mountains to climb ♪ but always stay humble and kind ♪ when the dreams you're dreaming come to you
12:33 am
♪ when the work you put in is realized ♪ let yourself feel the pride and always stay humble and kind ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when it's hot, eat a root beer popsicle ♪ shut off the ac and roll the windows down ♪ let the summer sun shine always stay humble and kind ♪ don't take for granted the love that life gives you
12:34 am
♪ when you get to where you're going ♪ don't forget to turn back around ♪ then help the next one in line ♪ always stay humble and kind ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: her album, "the bird and the rifle," is available now! lori mckenna everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) grit. some have it, some don't. when the odds are stacked against you, you either hide or stand up. at strayer university we've seen it in our students for 125 years. and if you ever think of quitting, our success coaches will be there to pick you up and work with you every day to put you on the right path.
12:35 am
it's time. strayer university. let's get it, america. they keep telling me "drink more water." "exercise more." i know that. "try laxatives..." i know. believe me. it's like i've. tried. everything! my chronic constipation keeps coming back. i know that. tell me something i don't know. (vo) linzess works differently from laxatives. linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation, or chronic constipation. it can help relieve your belly pain, and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. do not give linzess to children under 6 and it should not be given to children 6 to 17. it may harm them. don't take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. get immediate help if you develop unusual or severe stomach pain, especially with bloody or black stools. the most common side effect is diarrhea, sometimes severe. if it's severe stop taking linzess and call your doctor right away. other side effects include gas, stomach-area pain and swelling.
12:36 am
talk to your doctor about managing your symptoms proactively with linzess. dear fellow citizen, i know what it's like to worry about student loan debt. i graduated into it. so i couldn't do the things i love, like traveling. but i knew there had to be a way to manage it. citizens bank education refinance loan. call... an education refinance loan helped me save on payments each month. if you have a question about whether refinancing is right for you, ask me. sincerely, robert kennedy, fellow grad and fellow citizen. call... to refi now.
12:37 am
a >> stephen: that's it for the "late show." tune in for our live show tomorrow when my guests will be lisa kudrow, josh earnest and tony rock. now stick around for james corden and his guests, chris o'donnell and sara bareilles. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (laughter) and this is frank. >> hi, how are you? >> me too.

180 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on