sleep well. captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> for best ( laughter ) >> la-la land. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes connie britton, zoey deutch, musical guest lori mckenna, jon stewart, featuring jon batiste

and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! good to see ya! ( cheers and applause ) have a seat! thank you so much! oh! ladies and gentlemen, welcome! ( cheering ) welcome to the "late show." i'm la la land... sorry, i'm stephen colbert. ( laughter ) dear lordie, did you see that last night? that was the craziest ending to the oscars since it turned out helen mirren was kaiser soze. ( laughter )

for those of you who only watched the first three hours and twenty nine minutes of the ceremony, spoiler alert, "moonlight" won best picture. ( cheers and applause ) beautiful. but here's how warren beatty and faye dunaway announced the category. >> and the academy award... for best picture. >> you're impossible. come on! "la la land." ( cheers and applause ) ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: that is so uncomfortable to watch when you know what's coming. it's like watching titanic, except titanic actually won best picture. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yeah, yeah.

i feel so bad for the "la la land" people and the poor "moonlight" people. it should've been a great moment for african americans, but there's always a catch. you know? ( laughter ) "here's your oscar, but some white folks get to touch it first." ( laughter ) ( applause ) dropped it? okay. ( laughter ) and to make matters worse, while they were up on stage, ryan gosling explained jazz to them. ( laughter ) did you see that movie? see that "la la land" movie? >> i saw it. >> stephen: do you understand jazz now? >> i get it now. >> stephen: you get it now. okay. ( laughter ) now it wasn't warren beatty and faye dunaway's fault. the accountant in the wings gave them an envelope showing the winner of the previous category best actress, emma stone for la la land. you had one job, price waterhouse coopers!

one job! ( cheers and applause ) one! that's it! that's all they had to do! >> jon: yes. >> stephen: thank god they don't run an s.t.d. clinic. ( laughter ) "you're all clean, mr. johnson. have a nice day..... no, i'm sorry, emma stone is clean, you have chlamydia." ( laughter ) legally, i can say emile ouamouno is all clean. i can legally say that. speaking of heartbreaking mistakes, donald trump -- ( cheers and applause ) -- donald trump will address a joint session of congress tomorrow night. we'll be doing a live show because, it's the only thing that slows down my drinking. that joke is based on a true story. ( laughter )

now, we don't know exactly what the president is going to say, but word is he will finally reveal his plan to replace obamacare, which he teased this morning. >> we're going to repeal and replace obamacare. and we have come up with a solution that's really, really, i think, very good. ( laughter ) now, i have to tell you, it's an unbelievably complex subject. nobody knew that health care could be so complicated. ( laughter ) ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: some people knew. a few people knew. one or two. ( applause ) i could think of one guy -- tall, big smile, used to sit in your chair -- ( laughter ) it's just you didn't know. that's like if i performed open heart surgery tomorrow and said, "wow, nobody knew it would be so wet in here!"

( laughter ) now, to warm up for tomorrow night, trump gave a big speech on friday at cpac and went after anonymous leaks. >> i'm against the people that make up stories and make up sources. they shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name. let their name be put out there. let their name be put out. a source says that donald trump is a horrible, horrible human being. let them say it to my face. >> stephen: sir -- ( cheers and applause ) -- it would be my honor to say

it to your face. just walk over to your tv screen and let me just get right up and-- "you, donald trump, are a horrible, horrible human being." ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) come closer. come closer. oh, there you are. ( cheers and applause ) we'll clean this later. ( laughter ) meanwhile, white house press secretary and bleached minion sean spicer launched his own war against leakers by holding random phone checks of white house staffers. he's got to do something. he knows for a fact, there's one guy in the white house who keeps sending out unhinged tweets at 3:00 a.m. it's nuts.

he's got to find him. ( applause ) so with all this going on, it's no surprise that, on saturday, trump tweeted, "i will not be attending the white house correspondents' association dinner this year. please wish everyone well and have a great evening!" that's disappointing, but it's not his fault. that night, he's already scheduled to be at the kremlin correspondents' dinner. ( laughter ) ( applause ) he's double-booked. nothing he can do. darn it! poor planning. but trump spokesperson and 35-year-old who still hangs around the sorority house sarah huckabee, offered up a convincing analogy to explain why trump would skip the event. >> i think it's kind of naive of us to think that we can all walk into a room for a couple of hours and pretend that some of that tension isn't there. you know, one of the things we say in the south, if a girl scout egged your house, would you buy cookies from her?

( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, i would. though, i'm from the south, and that's an expression we use all the time. >> jon: right, right. >> stephen: down south, the girl scouts are horrible, horrible people. they will murder you. but i do love the thin mints. ( laughter ) too bad trump's not going to go because i'm sure he would have given a hilarious speech. can you imagine? you don't have to. jim? >> and now, delivering his 2017 white house correspondents' dinner address, please welcome to the podium president donald trump! >> thank you. thank you. great crowd. if you like enemies of the american people. ( drum snap ) nothing, ne huh?

okay. any latinos in the audience tonight? give it a minute, you're being arrested. because i like getting rid of latinos. >> you suck! i don't suck. you know who that is? knock, knock, who's there? fake. fake who? fake news. this guy knows who i'm talking about. ( laughter ) look! he's not wearing any pants! okay, it's happening again! no! it's okay, donny -- it's just a dream -- you're not even going to the white house correspondents' dinner this year. they can't hurt you here. >> hey, look! he wet the bed! >> huh? what? noooooo! ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we have a great show for your tonight. connie britton is here. but first, i'll be over there

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( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! say hi to jon batiste and "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) come on! you know, folks, ladies and gentlemen, a little earlier in the show, standing over there, i was talking to you about donald trump's hostile relationship with the media. it hit a new low friday when at an informing press briefing,

sean spicer banned reporters from cnn, the new york times, politico, the los angeles times and buzzfeed. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: it's upsetting, but you have to understand, buzzfeed was excluded because spicer didn't like the answer he got for "which gilmore girl are you." ( laughter ) such a lorelei! and this came only a few hours after trump said this -- >> i love the first amendment. nobody knows loves it better than me. >> stephen: yeah. it's like they say -- if you love the first amendment, set it free. if it comes back, don't let it in the press briefing. and the root of all this is that trump calls any story he doesn't like "fake news." ( cheers and applause ) >> i mean, the whole thing is just -- just -- ( cheers and applause )

>> stephen: hey! it's jon stewart, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey jon, great to see you. >> nice to see you as well. how did you get under my desk? >> i had a tunnel built straight from the farm. >> stephen: you came here from the farm? >> right from the farm. >> stephen: you do your farming in makeup and a tie? >> i like to look nice. ( laughter ) >> stephen: john -- hmm? >> stephen: you miss it, don't you? >> yes, i miss it! ( cheers and applause ) >> i spend the whole day yelling about trump to the animals. ( laughter ) we have a barn spider, don't know the name, wove "please get

a job" into a web! >> stephen: jon, if you need to get away from the farm, you're always welcome here. we have a chair right here. there you go. >> oh, this is nice! ( cheers and applause ) i like this. it's a little tight. a lilt tight. >> stephen: yes, it is. so, jon. jon, what do you think about trump banning the mainstream media from that briefing and him not going to the correspondent's dinner? >> i can't believe the guy's got the balls to get away with that. trump lies more in one press conference than cnn does in a year, and that's coming from a guy who hates cnn. ( laughter ) look at this. >> got 306 electoral college votes. i guess it was the biggest electoral college win since ronald reagan.

>> you guess wrong! ( laughter ) it was smaller than both of barack obama's wins and bill clinton and george h.w. bush. it's the biggest win since reagan if you don't count everyone since reagan. but what about this? >> the murder rate in our country is the highest it has been in 47 years. did you know that? 47 years. i'd say that in a speech and everybody was surprised because the press doesn't tell it like it is. >> no. they were surprised because it's not true! it's near the lowest it's been in 45 years. ( cheers and applause ) and then this one is my favorite. you've got to see this one. >> bomb threats have been made against jewish centers all across the country in the last couple of weeks. there are people who are committing antisemitic acts or threatening to -- >> you see, he said he was going to ask a very simple easy question. and its not. it's not. not a simple question, not a fair question. okay, sit down.

i understand the rest of your question. so here's the story folks, number one, i am the least anti-semitic person you've ever seen in your entire life. ( laughter ) >> i don't think that's true! ( laughter ) ( applause ) he said that to a guy wearing a yamaka! donald, you're not even the least anti-semitic person in that clip we showed! >> stephen: jon, the president exaggerates, but you can't possibly know he's lying on purpose. >> stephen, you can! >> stephen: how? because he constantly says the phrase "believe me."

nobody says "believe me" unless they're lying. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: can you migh give mn example? >> honey, i was just helping stacy test out her perfect sleep number, believe me. what? no, it's just a giant wooden horse. believe me. what? democrats in disarray? no, they have a plan. believe me. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: c'mon, he doesn't say believe me that often. >> roll 212. >> believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me. believe me ok, believe me. believe me. believe me folks. believe me. believe me. believe me, be-lieve me. buh-lieve me.

>> buh-bull( bleep ). ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> buh-bull( bleep ). >> stephen: so you agree with me that banning the press is unamerican? >> aw, it's unamerican not to like us! i say, stop your whining. i'd like to talk to the media for a second. >> stephen: sure, go ahead. which camera goes to the media. >> stephen: that one. ( laughter ) >> hey, media. i heard donald broke up with you. stings a little. you finally thought you'd met your perfect match. a blabber-mouth who's as thin-skinned and narcissistic as you are. ( audience reacts ) ( laughter ) now it's over! well, good riddance. i say -- kick -- him -- to -- the -- curb. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> thank you.

it's time for you to get your groove back, media. because, you know, you kind of let yourself go a little bit these past few years. you put on a few pundits. obsessing, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, about this one guy. "what's donny up to? did he say anything about us? you think he's gonna come on? do you think he likes us? he doesn't even have to come himself. he can just call in! donny, please! just let us know you're okay!" ( laughter ) and the whole time you're all chasing after him, the rest of us are thinking, "but can't you see he's an ( bleep )?" ( laughter ) no, you try to defend him! "oh, no, no, that's just primaries donald. that's just election donald. you'll see. we can change him! he'll get presidential!" yeah, how'd that work out? it didn't. you know why? because 70-year-old men don't get less cranky or racist as time goes by --

( cheers and applause ) unless they happen to be visited by three spirits in the night. ( laughter ) look, media, i'm not saying the break up is going to be easy. you're going to see your ex swiping far right with every tom, drudge, and breitbart. and they do ( bleep ). er( audience reacts ) >> stephen: jon, we're on cbs. in my defense, they do (bleep)! did i get us canceled? >> stephen: us? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) but here's my point, media --

this breakup has given you an amazing opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. instead of worrying about whether trump is unamerican or if he thinks you're the enemy or if he's being mean to you or if he's going to let you back in the briefings, do something for yourself. take up a hobby. i recommend journalism. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i think this breakup is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. >> stephen: you really think the media is going to take this opportunity to self-examine and then get better at their job? >> i really do. believe me. ( laughter ) >> stephen: jon stewart, everyone! ♪ we'll be right back with connie britton. measured in zeros. but shouldn't it be about firsts? and seconds? how about adding a third?

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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yes, yes, my friends! welcome back! ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is an emmy nominated actress you know from "friday night lights." and from "nashville," where she died in last week's episode -- sorry, spoiler alert! please welcome the very lovely connie britton. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> it's so cold in here my fingers have already shrunk two sizes. >> stephen: and your rings are falling off? >> yes. >> stephen: nice to see you again. last time we saw each other, we were at the president's 55t 55th birthday party. >> and not trump. >> stephen: not trump. different president, y'all. >> stephen: might be a few years before i get invited back

to that place. >> i feel the same. >> stephen: nice house. beautiful house. >> stephen: yeah. i wonder what he's done with it? >> stephen: just photos of himself and gold leaf everywhere. >> so much gold leaf. >> stephen: this is a big interview for me because this is your first public appearance since your character renna james died last week. ( audience reacts ) >> i know. it's my first public appearance since then, too, and it's my first time on your show! ( cheers and applause ) so it's weird for me because i'm dead, but i'm here. dews what i'm saying? >> stephen: right. how long did you play reno? >> five years. >> stephen: your fans are ardent, passionate fans. they kept that show on the air. >> this is an amazing crowd, by the way.

( cheers and applause ) "nashville" fans are of this caliber. >> stephen: do you have any comforting news for your fans? let's try to make the morning paper. is your character really dead or does she come back as an evil twin with a goatee, or are zombies hot right now? >> these are great ideas. you're so smart. >> stephen: is she really dead? >> she's really dead. >> stephen: oh, gosh. i'm sorry! >> stephen: yeah. he's really dead, but i think the twin sister idpa is not bad. >> stephen: mm-hmm. you know, it's "nashville." anything could happen. what if the long, lost twin sister comes back? oh, and she's such a devil! she'll come back and be horrible! >> stephen: do you have any words for your fans? >> i would say to my fans, first of all, i love you so much, this show loves you so much and that, you know, rena will live on

forever. you know, i feel so fortunate i was able to play that character, truly, with all my heart, i love that character so much. just like when we lose somebody in our lives, the spirit lives on. >> stephen: and reruns. and reruns. ( applause ) >> and there's reruns. >> stephen: i was pretty excited to find out about this. can i show this photo here? when you were a younger woman -- >> how dare you. >> stephen: -- you were roommates with senator kristin gillibrand right there. that's the two of you. looks like a couple of fun girls to run into when you're backpacking around. >> we weren't only backpacking around, we were in beijing, china. >> stephen: what year are we talking about here? >> how dare you. ( laughter ) that is rude! >> stephen: 2007. 2007, yeah. >> stephen: you were an asian studies major -- >> yes. >> stephen: with a focus in chinese?

>> yes. ( applause ) thank you, one person. >> stephen: did that come in handy while playing rena. >> especially then. i liked studying china because it let me learn about the people and the world. >> stephen: do you still have any mandarin? ( speaking mandarin ) that's it. that's all i've got. >> i could say one thing, and you just said the thing i could say, and i studied it four years. ( laughter ) and i went there with the senator from new york, and you just said the thing i can say. >> stephen: how did you guys get to know each other? roommates? >> yes, we were roommates in college, studying chinese together and roommates in beijing. >> stephen: what was it like? were you by yourself traipsing

around? >> no, we were there in a college program. we were getting into trouble. we were there in a summer term. we went to dartmouth college. it was the fourth of july. >> stephen: did they celebrate the fourth of july there? >> no, but there is an american embassy there, and they, of course, had a big fourth of july party, like you do when you're in beijing. >> stephen: all the fireworks you could possibly want. ( laughter ) >> that was actually true. but what we discovered was that they were having, at their fourth of july party, a lip sync contest. so kristin gillibrand and two others girls and i were all hanging out together in beijing, we performed our lip sync performance which was singing to madonna's "holiday." >> stephen: and was this a hit at the time?

( laughter ) 20 questions tonight. >> i see what you did there, ant i don't like it. okay? ( laughter ) i'm mad at you, but, really, i did it to myself. >> stephen: all right. the end of my story is we won the lip sync contest at the american embassy on the fourth of july in beijing with kristin gillibrand. >> stephen: i believe you deserve to be saluted. what did you win? >> maybe like little american flags on a stick. >> stephen: how long were you over there? >> like, three months. >> stephen: did your family worry about you at all? >> probably. >> stephen: what if you got sick or something like that? >> we got so sick we went to this beach town, ate who knows what, we got so sick we had to go to this chinese doctor and he gave us

>> stephen: you were there, too. >> i had to take it. we were all violently ill. >> stephen: the guy said it's toad venom? >> yes. >> stephen: that's president trump's answer for obamacare. ( applause ) >> it worked! >> stephen: congratulations. you're also a u.n. ambassador, right? >> yes. >> stephen: a good will ambassador. how do you spread good will? >> i just, you know, smile a lot. ( laughter ) >> stephen: is your job -- i say, what's up? >> stephen: what's happening in this photo here? that's you at the airport in nashville. >> that was in nashville. we recently greeted a new kurdish family who came in, we were turned away because of trump's ban, but they ended up

being able to come into the country and so we went to the international airport and greeted them. >> stephen: lovely. thank you so much for being here. >> yeah. >> stephen: was lovely to see you. >> thank you. >> stephen: i hope you do come back as your own evil twin, whether on "nashville" or this show. >> either way, yes. >> stephen: "nashville" airs thursday on cmt. connie britton, everybody! we'll be back with zoey deutch. stick around! thank you so much! ( cheers and applause ) ♪

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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! folks, my next guest is an actress who starred in "dirty grandpa," and "why him?" you can now see her in "before i fall". please welcome, zoey deutch! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )

>> stephen: nice to meet you. i'm sorry i didn't get a chance to say hi before the show. i usually like to say hi but i was busy because a guy was under my desk. this must be old hat for you to be on camera. have you done a lot of talk shows and stuff like that? >> well, this is my favorite. my family's favorite talk show. >> stephen: i wasn't fishing. i know. >> stephen: it took you almost 20 seconds to say that. >> my grandma sent me a text before i walked on stage that said, he's my favorite, don't screw it up. >> stephen: say hi to grandma for me. >> hi, pam. >> stephen: hi, pam. she's doing great. your mom is leia thompson we know from "back to the future" and your father

from pretty in pink. is there some movie star you're impressed by? >> one time i looked at helen mirren in the eyes and put my hands like this and threw up in them. >> stephen: i'm sorry. ( laughter ) please do go back. >> yeah. >> stephen: why was that? it's sort of the beginning, middle and end of the story. not much else. that's a tell-tale sign that i really love helen mirren. >> stephen: you were so nervous? >> my body knew before my mind. >> stephen: i had her on the show and she walked right up to me and kissed me on the mouth. >> i heard. >> stephen: yeah, i heard, too! from my wife.

that helen mirren is quite an attractive lady. >> yeah. >> stephen: and you worked with brian cranston. he's attractive ( applause ) he's so approachable and cool. >> i call him america's sweetheart. he's the greatest man in the world. i'm going to say clap for that for sure. >> stephen: i'm all in on that. sure. yeah. >> yeah, he was amazing. actually the first day i met him was the morning he was nominated for an oscar. oscar. i stopped in to cbs and got a balloon and handed to him and i said, hi, i'm zoe. and i looked at it and it said, "it's a boy." ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, now, your new movie is called -- it's before i fall. what's that about? >> about a young girl that relives the last day of her life over and over again until she

learns how to right her wrong. the thing i love about this movie in what feels like a time of unparalleled meanness, this is a film about learning how to be kind to yourself and others and really proud of the movie. >> stephen: that's a very sweet thought. your director is here. >> yeah ( applause ) >> stephen: the film pre-mired at sundance this year, right? yeah. >> stephen: did you like it there? i have been once. did you enjoy the festival atmosphere? >> it was my first time. i get sick always, i think i've now told you guys that. >> stephen: sure, only when you're your happiest. >> yeah, right. i get sick all the time. so i was asking about altitude sickness and people are like zoey, it's just fear about reviews. >> stephen

i went to the women's march and threw up. >> stephen: did you have the hat? >> i did. >> stephen: was it amazing? it was amazing. it was a giant snowstorm. less of a march and more of a slide. >> stephen: just down the main street then. >> yes. >> stephen: you will be playing una o'neil in the salinger biopic. >> yes. >> stephen: have you read a lot of his stuff? >> i was delving into a lot of his short stories he didn't want to be published and kept hidden. he's eugene o'neil's daughter. that was really exciting. >> stephen: have you read some of the uncollected stuff like "girl in 1941 with no waist at all" and "girl in the inverted

forest"? >> you're a huge salinger fan! i knew you were going to -- >> stephen: yeah, because you know why? i'm an (bleep). ( laughter ) but i'm happy about it. lovely to meet you. thank you so much. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "before i fall" opens this friday. zoey deutch, everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by lori mckenna. ( cheers and applause ) internet dial up sound hi, i'm the internet. you've got mail! what did you think i'd look like? i'm wire-y. uh, i love stuff. give me more stuff. (singing) we're no strangers to love i love that! hey, i know a bunch of people who'd like that. who's that? the internet loves what you're doing. so build a site in under an hour. start for free at godaddy. ♪...run around and desert you

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>> stephen: here performing her grammy winning song, "humble and kind," please welcome acm nominee lori mckenna! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ you know there's a light that glows by the front door ♪ don't forget the key is under the mat ♪ where childhood stars shine always stay humble and kind ♪ go to church cause your mama says to ♪ visit grandpa every chance

that you can ♪ it won't be wasted time always stay humble and kind ♪ hold the door say please ♪ say thank you don't steal ♪ don't cheat and don't lie ♪ i know you got mountains to climb ♪ but always stay humble and kind ♪ when the dreams you're dreaming come to you ♪ when the work you put in is realized ♪ let yourself feel the pride and always stay humble and kind ♪ don't expect a free ride from no one

♪ don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why ♪ bitterness keeps you from flying ♪ always stay humble and kind ♪ know the difference between sleeping with someone ♪ and sleeping with someone you love ♪ "i love you" ain't no pick up line ♪ always stay humble and kind ♪ hold the door say please ♪ say thank you don't steal ♪ don't cheat and don't lie ♪ i know you got mountains to climb ♪ but always stay humble and kind ♪ when the dreams you're dreaming come to you

♪ when the work you put in is realized ♪ let yourself feel the pride and always stay humble and kind ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when it's hot, eat a root beer popsicle ♪ shut off the ac and roll the windows down ♪ let the summer sun shine always stay humble and kind ♪ don't take for granted the love that life gives you

♪ when you get to where you're going ♪ don't forget to turn back around ♪ then help the next one in line ♪ always stay humble and kind ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: her album, "the bird and the rifle," is available now! lori mckenna everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) grit. some have it, some don't. when the odds are stacked against you, you either hide or stand up. at strayer university we've seen it in our students for 125 years. and if you ever think of quitting, our success coaches will be there to pick you up and work with you every day to put you on the right path.

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a >> stephen: that's it for the "late show." tune in for our live show tomorrow when my guests will be lisa kudrow, josh earnest and tony rock. now stick around for james corden and his guests, chris o'donnell and sara bareilles. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (laughter) and this is frank. >> hi, how are you? >> me too.