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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  May 22, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am EDT

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captioning sponsored by cbs ( whistling ) ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ( whistling ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ ( whistling )
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( laughter ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ( whistling ) ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes rachel maddow, ben platt and "stay human," featuring jon batiste. now live on top at the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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hey, man! good to see you, doctor! ( cheers and applause ) thanks so much! please have a seat! you're too kind. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. now, i don't know about you, but i've got a little extra pep in my step tonight because donald trump has left the country. ( cheers and applause ) breathing a little easier. federal judges, now would be a good time to reinstate that travel ban. ( laughter ) he's flying back from a dangerous part of the world. he said some radical stuff. i'm just saying, extreme vetting. that's all i'm asking for. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) where does his money come from, so many unknowns. his first stop this weekend was saudi arabia, where trump was greeted on the tarmac by king salman. that's nice. not all royalty will dune
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airport pickup. ( laughter ) just call me, i'll be circling. just call me. the saudis know that the quickest way to trump's heart is through his ego. so they put up trump-themed billboards everywhere. including one of his tweets, "great to be in riyadh, saudi arabia. looking forward to the afternoon and evening ahead. #potus-abroad." ( laughter ) they even put one of his tweets on the welcome sign. "welcome to riyadh. rosie o'donnell is a fat pig." ( laughter ) surprised they did that. that sign is not halal now. they even projected his face five stories high onto the wall of his hotel. no, no, you have to -- that way, if he got lost, he could find his way back. ( laughter ) now, back when obama made the same trip, trump tweeted, "many people are saying it was wonderful that mrs. obama refused to wear a scarf in saudi arabia, but they were insulted. we have 'eee-noof' enemies."
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( laughter ) eee-noof. ( laughter ) so, it was a surprise when melania emerged from air force one also without a scarf. but she cleverly drew attention away from her head by wearing one of her husband's w.w.e. belts. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) atomic. she'll atomic drop you. boom! diamond cutter! ( applause ) then there's the bow. somehow, the saudi king always gets the u.s. president to bow. it happened to george bush in 2008, and obama in 2009. trump gave obama a lot of grief for that. so there was "no way" trump was going to bow when king salman gave him the medal. here he is going from the knees -- trying not to -- and the bow, and a little curtsy at the end there. ( laughter ) ( applause ) very nice. thank you. ( piano riff )
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it doesn't matter. you've got to bow to get the thing around your neck. but it's kind of a dirty trick by the saudi king. first of all, he's short. second, he's holds the medal here. "come and get it -- limbo lower -- how low can you go?" ( laughter ) now, after arriving, the president then took part in a traditional celebratory sword dance called the "ardha." and here's trump, sword-flopping to the beat. "i'm not here to cause no trouble. i'm just here to do the middle east shuffle." ( laughter ) there you go. there you go. ( piano riff ) just kind of doing it. just kind of doing it. you can kind of hear what he's thinking. he's going -- "okay, donny, this is weird, but get through it, and they'll let you meet the genie." it's going to be fun, i'm going to wish for all the wishes.
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( laughter ) it's hard to tell what song these guys are dancing to. can we get the sound turned up, jim? ( ♪ it's raining men ) ( ♪ it's raining men ) ( applause ) but not everyone looked comfortable at the party. here's steve bannon realizing these are not the kind of men in white robes he's used to. ( laughter ) ( audience reacts ) ( applause ) >> stephen: what?! what?! what?! we joke. we joke because we love. ( laughter ) it wasn't all sword play. trump also helped at the opening ceremony for "the global center for combating extremist ideology" by laying hands upon this glowing orb! ( laughter ) whatever qualities that magical sphere confers: eternal youth is not one of them. fellas, if i may, you need to work on your "not-looking-like-supervillains" skills.
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look at that! it looks like you're activating the undersea robot to emerge from its volcano base and kill aquaman. ( laughter ) jim, can we pull out and see who else is there? saruman and gargamel. i knew it! ( laughter ) ( applause ) of course, the centerpiece of -- i don't know what they're doing. >> jon: yeah, i don't either. >> stephen: i would be surprised if you did know. if you knew, i would be a little worried. >> jon: yeah, i know. >> stephen: of course, the centerpiece of trump's saudi visit was his speech to the muslim world, which he apparently gave in crazy ahmed's chandelier emporium. trump had a lot of kind words about his host region. >> saudi arabia is home to the holiest sites in one of the
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world's great faiths. all over the world, people dream of walking through the ruins of petra in jordan. iraq was the cradle of civilization and is a land of natural beauty. the entire region is at the center of the key shipping lanes of the suez canal, the red sea, and the straits of hormuz. >> stephen: that's a hard sell. it really feels like he's trying to sell a time share on the euphrates. ( laughter ) "each unit comes with a plunge pool and gym access! act now, and we'll throw in a free glowing orb!" i don't know what it does. ( applause ) trump also laid out how he was going to help saudi arabia. >> this landmark agreement includes the announcement
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of a $110 billion saudi-funded defense purchase, and we will be sure to help our saudi friends to get a good deal from our great american defense companies. >> stephen: yeah, also we're running a deal. if you buy 10 f-35 fighter jets, bring in your fully punched card, we'll throw in a free sub. a nuclear sub. ( applause ) wilbur ross also enjoyed the trip. >> there was not a single hint of a protester during the whole time we were there. not one guy with a bad placard. >> stephen: yeah, so great! no protesters anywhere in
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saudi arabia! nobody holding up a bad placard or anything. ( laughter ) it's pretty hard to hold up anything when you don't have any hands. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, i know that sounds dark. i don't want to exaggerate how saudi arabia cuts off protesters hands. in fact, protesting is punishable by decapitation. so saudi protesters are a lot more calm than here. no placards. ( applause ) then just this morning, the president did something else historic, he took what's believed to be the first open direct flight to israel from saudi arabia. president trump is hoping his visit to israel will have long-term effects. in fact, the white house put out this actual press release today
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saying that one of their major goals is to promote the possibility of lasting peach. ( audience reacts ) yes, lasting peach. and i think this will really resonate with the american people because americans really want something with peach in it -- peach ice cream, peach cobbler, im-peach -- anything with peach! ( cheers and applause ) spread aging a message of hope. now, people were worried this would be a tense trip, because last week trump gave classified israeli intelligence to the russians. but trump explained why he's technically innocent. >> just so you understand, i never mentioned the word or the
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name "israel". never mentioned it during our conversation. they're all saying i did. so, you had another story wrong. never mentioned the word israel. >> stephen: okay, okay "new york times," you got that one wrong, okay? yes, i gave away classified information to the russians that everyone knew is from israel. but i didn't say israel until right now. israel, israel, israel." ( laughter ) ( applause ) it's funny, you say a word enough, it doesn't mean anything anymore. israel. ( laughter ) trump also traveled to jerusalem where he became the first sitting president to visit the western wall, the holiest site in judaism. "nice wall. how did you get mexico to pay for it? ( laughter ) by the way, bay th by the way -- mazel taco." ( laughter )
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does everyone want a little donald trump palate cleanser? good, we have a clip to show you. it's a little jarring so i'm going to preface it by saying that everyone is okay. all right, everyone okay? good. now we can enjoy this. >> oh! >> stephen: she's okay! she's okay. all right? if i've said it once i've said it a thousand times! we have to stop selling herring-scented children's-rompers. ( laughter ) luckily, the little girl was immediately saved by a nearby action-grandpa who leapt into the sea-lion infested water. >> my god! oh, my god!
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>> stephen: thank you, action grandpa. thank you. ( cheers and applause ) like a sexy action grandpa! ( applause ) you need a sexy action grand pennsylvania not that the other young able-bodied adults didn't also help by recording and saying "oh my god. oh my god." ( applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. rachel maddow, the reigning queen of cable news, is here! it is possible donald trump will come up somewhere in our conversation. stick around! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace
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always unstoppable. eva
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: give it up for the band! ( cheers and applause ) congratulations, jon. this man, for those of you who don't know it -- am i right in saying, jon, that this weekend you gave the commencement speech at salvo regina and got your honorary doctorate? dr. batiste! ( applause ) bring the prescription pad in, my friend. >> stephen: my first tonight has the number one show in cable news! please welcome rachel maddow!
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: nice to see you. you're always fun to talk to. it's always interesting, informative and fun. but i've especially wanted to talk to you say, since november 9 at about 12:01 in the morning. >> yeah. >> stephen: how are you doing? first of all, congratulations on having the number one cable news show. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: paid off after a lot of hard work for many years. >> it's hard to understand why these things happen. but it's nice, i feel like. one thing that's nice, i do cable news in kind of a weird way. we haven't changed the way we do the show. it just seems more people want that now. i assume people will go back to not wanting it and i will be stuck. >> stephen: i think they will want it for four to eight years, rachel. ( laughter ) what you do better than pretty much anybody out there is you
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lay a story out for the audience like parts on the lawn. like, this is a car. we'll build a car tonight. that's the carburetor, those are the wheels and the brakes there. you assemble the car in front of the audience, and i think people want someone to go -- they say, wait, what happened today? and you say, let me explain to you what happened today. >> i think the most important thing i can do now is explain stuff. here's what happened, why we believe it to be true and why it seems important. just doing that, if that's all you're trying to do, even if you're not trying to break new news and just trying to explain the news out there, that's hard to cram into a show. stuff breaks after dinnertime every week night now. >> stephen: there are multiple times we've done the monolog and find out comey was fired and we write a new monologue and put it
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at the top of the new monologue. you can't wait till tomorrow to get it. >> exactly. >> stephen: he's in the middle east now. what do you make of his trip so far? >> um -- ( laughter ) you know, when he -- >> stephen: i haven't seen the news lately. is there peace in the middle east? has he solved it? ( laughter ) >> exactly. today, my favorite moment was when he flew from saudi arabia to israel and, as soon as he got to israel, he said, i was just in the middle east. ( laughter ) israel is, like, where are you now? i would be like me getting here and saying, i was just in new york, it was crazy! >> stephen: now you're on broadway. ( laughter ) >> presidential trips can go either way when there's a president in the time of crisis. in watergate, right when nixon was fighting the oval office tapes, he decided to go to
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saudi arabia and israel and came back and made this argument he was so important for world peace you couldn't possibly release those tapes, and the supreme court said, yeah, they released the tapes and he was gone. they didn't say it that way, through -- >> stephen: we might have to blur your chin. i'm not sure what just happened. >> i'm quoting former justice scalia who famously did that. >> stephen: i miss that man. i remember. >> these trips can go well and sometimes not go well. it is strange his first trip abroad is to saudi arabia. >> stephen: after the number of times he complained about saudi arabia being a source of terror and saying obama shouldn't bow and that kind of stuff. >> announcer: saying the clinton foundation should have never taken saudi money and the saudis will need to start paying and the saudis did 9/11, he said all this stuff about saudi arabia, but technically the president is supposed to use the first trip to pay tribute to
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our closest allies. usually it's to, like, the u.k. or someone we have a long-standing uncomplicated friendship with, whereas sawedy, it's more complicated. >> stephen: it's a business trip, too. there's a $110 billion arms deal, so we're giving them the boom boom room they can use. what i like about that photo is him giving the speech to all the arab leaders there and he's saying, just for the record, we gave these guys $110 worth of big, big bombs and weapons. kind of like, these are are our booedies we've got their back. >> in his speech, i thought please let it be an ad-lib, he said we'll make sure you get a good deal from these u.s. defense companies. why? why are you going to help them get a good deal? you should not be trying to undercut american defense companies because saudis can't afford it!
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>> stephen: "all i'm saying is we put the whole deal up on groupon, you guys all get together..." ( applause ) do you think than opportunity, like now that he's overseas, they seemed to have pried his iphone. if he's over there and just so busy or too tired to tweet, this could be a positive thing because i hear there was an intervention. >> an intervention? >> stephen: yes, his people came to him and said, sir, you're going to paint yourself into a corner if you keep doing this and he's been quiet for days now. >> whenever the tweeting quiets it, we think it's a change, but it comes back. >> stephen: do you scratch, like, i've got spiders on my
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skin? is it cold in here? >> this trip, the "the washington post" announces friday night there's a significant person of interest working actively in the white house as a senior advisor to the president. and now we're trying to figure out who the person of interest is in the f.b.i. probe currently working in the white house and is it one of the people on the trip with him and mysteriously reince priebus and steve bannon got sent home early. what will they be doing? i don't know but mike pence is pleading the fifth. i don't feel they get to make their own news anymore. once you're president, the first president in history under counterintelligence investigation to the f.b.i. and bragged about it to the russians. the trump administration so far is the news people investigating what's going on ( applause ) >> stephen: we'll be right back with more rachel maddow.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we're back with rachel maddow. talking about the news of the world. now, okay, one of the things that the president is saying right now is that this whole russia thing, total witch hunt, okay? ( laughter ) do you think there is a chance this will turn out to be a witch hunt? because while there is a whole lot of smoke, we haven't actually seen the spark of the fire. >> we won't know till we know. everybody is entitled to the presumption of innocence. it's possible this is a bizarre series of coincidences, but we now owe it to ourselves as a country to figure out because there are too many things that happen -- that with respect explained ahead of time that were exposed and only belatedly admitted to.
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last week, reuters reported on 18 new previously undisclosed contacts between the trump campaign and russian government officials. >> stephen: ones they hadn't talked about before. >> 18 new ones now? you know there is interest in this topic. if you haven't done anything wrong, you still have to tell people what happened. they haven't explained why it took so many days to fire mike flynn after the white house said, he's a russian agent. >> stephen: with a side of turkey. ( laughter ) >> yeah. ( applause ) ( piano riff ) so, i mean, there's just stuff that needs to be explained. there were so many contacts between the campaign and people close to trump with people who are close to vladimir putin, and that stuff just -- we need to know why there were so many contacts. it's possible it had nothing to do with the russian attack on
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the election that happened. there were a million contacts. we knead to know about that. we need to know if the firing of the f.b.i. director and the other contact that the president had with the f.b.i. about the investigation were something other than obstruction of justice. i mean, he's saying he was thinking about russia when he fired the f.b.i. director leading the russian investigation. >> stephen: what about the president cannot obstruct justice, that only political action can be taken against him. in other words, he can't go on trial for obstruction of justice but could be put on impeachment trial by the house and the senate. do you think there is any chance that could happen if the democrats could not get back the house and the senate? >> i try not to look at it in partisan terms. if it's proven the inspector general or the f.b.i. determines the f.b.i. director was fired
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and other actions were taken to impede that investigation into the president and his campaign because he wanted that investigation to be knocked off course, it is hard for me to believe that republicans would not rise above their party in that instance. >> stephen: that would be nice. >> i believe that. i want to believe that. >> stephen: that would be lovely. >> that would be a very important thing. >> stephen: but a lot of people's standards and norms have lowered because donald trump is president. there are a lot of things you say, oh, that's okay. for instance, white evangelical voters in the last election cycle, the number one criteria for electing a candidate was character or morality, and it was the very last this time because they had to flip their standard in order to elect the man they want. my worry is donald trump will degrade everyone's standards and morals as we, you know, pick sides. >> yeah, and we're going to have to decide if we're that country or not. i think we're not. ( applause ) when confronted with issues of
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real national interest, the people will do the right thing. >> stephen: has the president ever done this much leaking people are confirming? 12, 13 people are confirming leaks. >> and not that many work in the white house. ( laughter ) >> stephen: what kind of boss must he be if they're willing to throw him under the bus? >> we've also never had a white house this early on in the administration where it's just a good reporting strategies to send your stringers to park outside major law firms to watch as white house officials walk in looking for defense counsel. that's what's going on in this administration. >> stephen: can't wait to hear what you have to say about mike flynn. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "the rachel maddow show" is on msnbc. rachel maddow, everybody! we'll be right back with ben platt. stick around! got it.
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) my next guest is the tony nominated star of the devastating new broadway musical, "dear evan hansen." please welcome, ben platt! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> how are you doing? hello! >> stephen: well, relations on "dear evan hansen." >> thank you very much. >> stephen: and the tony nomination. ( cheers and applause ) congratulations. >> thank you. >> stephen: is this your first tony nomination? >> this is my first tony nomination ever. before you say anything else about me, i have to tell you i
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love you very much, always have, and i think you're a beacon of sanity and happiness and intelligence in this crazy, crazy, horrible time. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: and i just want to say to you, for no particular reason, you're my favorite guest of all time. ( laughter ) >> wouldn't you know. >> stephen: i'm so moved by emotion just by seeing you right now. >> thank you. >> stephen: if you haven't seen this "dear evan hansen," it's an absolutely beautiful play, musical story. it tells the story of a very nervous young man. >> yes, indeed. he's a very lonely teenager, i've ever. he has a lot of trouble connecting. it's emphasized by the hyperconnectivity of social media and makes it even harder for him to reach out. >> stephen: he has an overcranked anxious way of acting and speaking that only gets fueled by social media.
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>> yes. >> stephen: he gets pulled into the jet ports of his own story because he tells a lie that breaks his and a lot of people's hearts. >> he does indeed. >> stephen: i want you to know this is a compliment when i say i started crying the first song and i did not stop. i can't be the first person that said that. you know immediately who this kid is and feel for him immediately. the performance is beautiful. >> thank you very much. i think what we found is -- oh, stop it. stop it. ( applause ) please. no. you know, what's been really beautiful about this experience is it's an incredibly universal show in that everybody feels when they come in that they're unique in their experience of lonely necessary or isolation, and everybody can find a piece of themselves in him because there is something about knowing even that is not a unique experience that make people feel connected. it's nice to have people sit in
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the theater eight times a week and have an interconnected experience. it's knife. >> stephen: you yourself are in tears singing these songs. >> yes, sir. >> stephen: how do you do that? you have an extremely powerful voice. >> well, thanks. >> stephen: you're sharing these emotions, but it's so deep. there is tears and runny nose. how do you do that and fill a broadway house. >> there is the technical level of things. when you cry a lot of music drains and fluids come down and it's trying to figure out in a very technical way where is there time to swallow that stuff and let it go down and make the sound. >> stephen: yes. once you've drained that out there's tons of room to send sound and lot of resonating space for the noise so it's a great time to sing after you cry. in a more artistic sense --
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( laughter ) ( applause ) i think it's something i always try to struggle with each night is not sacrificing any of the beautiful music. they've written the beautiful scores and i want the music to be heard and not sacrifice that too much for the emotion, but also not sing ago pretty song and you not feel at the motion. so it's a balance on how much to sack ties on either side of that. >> stephen: do people on the front row need a poncho. >> usually, i have no control. there's a lot of spit, a lot of snot. ( laughter ) >> stephen: go see it. i'm not joking. >> however, i used it to my advantage only one time. there were these four foreign teenagers who sat on the front row in a double date. no concept of what it means to come to a broadway show, full conversations, pointing and commenting about me.
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i trade to glare and give them a telepathic, please -- and it egged them on, he's looking at us! and that's opposite of the reaction i wanted. i was trying to figure out how to get the people to be quiet. i get to come up to the lip of the stage and give a nervous speech with the cards. they're literally right at the edge of the stage and i had a real sort of a come-to-jesus moment, but i'm a jew so it's more of a come to moses moment, where god sent me a sneeze. >> stephen: oh... ( applause ) >> what are you supposed the to do? usually i would freak out and try to hide it but i just -- right on their faces, and it was great ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: i'm happy to say you're going to do a performance of one of the songs. >> yes. >> stephen: what's the name of the song?
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>> it's called "for forever." it's actually the first time i've ever sung the song out of the context of the show. this lie even fab cates is he was friends with a kid in his class that committed suicide. so evan has been invited to dinner by this kid's grieving family, and they were led to believe he was a friend of their son. even's plan is to diffuse that or make sure the situation ends there. however the mother is in so desperate need of some sort of perm that evan fab cates a story of a day they had, a friendship that never existed, and visibly helps this mother to heal and finds he heals and finds an answer to his loneliness he didn't expect to find. >> stephen: a beautiful song. we'll be back with a performance by "dear evan hansen" by ben platt. ( cheers and applause )
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are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® it's starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. it's not easy to brew a beer this easy to drink. bud light is tasted by brewmasters every step of the process. it's a tough job, but for you and your friends, it's worth it. we don't just brew beer. we brew beer for friends. i own my own company. i had some severe fatigue, some funny rashes. finally, listening to my wife, went to a doctor. and i became diagnosed with hodgkin's lymphoma ...that diagnosis was tough. i had to put my trust in somebody.
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when i first met steve, we recommended chemotherapy, and then we did high dose therapy and then autologous stem cell transplant. unfortunately, he went on to have progressive disease i thought that he would be a good candidate for immune therapy. it's an intravenous medicine that is going to make his immune system evade the tumor. with chemotherapy, i felt rough, fatigue, nauseous. and with immune therapy we've had such a positive result. i'm back to working hard. i've honestly never felt this great. i believe the future of immunotherapy at ctca is very bright. the evolution of cancer care is here. learn more at appointments available now. >> stephen: and now, performing "for forever" from "dear evan hansen" ladies and gentlemen ben platt! ( cheers and applause )
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♪ end of may or early june this picture perfect afternoon we shared ♪ drive the winding country road grab a scoop at a la mode ♪ and then we're there ♪ an open field that's framed with trees ♪ we pick a spot and shoot the breeze ♪ like buddies do ♪ quoting songs by our favorite bands ♪ telling jokes no one understands ♪ except us two and we talk and take in the view ♪ all we see is sky for forever let the world pass by for forever ♪ feels like we could go on for forever this way
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♪ two friends on a perfect day ♪ ♪ ♪ we walk a while and we talk about ♪ the things we'll do when we get out of school ♪ bike the appalachian trail or write a book ♪ or learn to sail wouldn't that be cool ♪ there's nothing that we can't discuss ♪ like girls we wish would notice us but never do ♪ he looks around and says to me "there's nowhere else i'd rather be" ♪ and i say "me too" ♪ and we talk and take in the view ♪ we just talk and take in the view ♪ all we see is sky for forever we let the world pass by for ♪ forever feels like we could go on for
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♪ forever this way this way ♪ two friends on a perfect day ♪ and there he goes racing toward the tallest tree ♪ from far across the yellow field i hear him calling "follow me" ♪ and there we go wondering how the world might ♪ look from up so high ♪ one foot after the other one branch then to another ♪ i climb higher and higher i climb until the entire ♪ sun shines on my face ♪ and i suddenly feel the branch give way ♪ i'm on the ground my arm goes numb
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♪ i look around and i see him come to get me ♪ he's come to get me and everything's okay ♪ all we see is sky for forever we let the world pass by for forever ♪ buddy, you and i for forever this way ♪ this way ♪ all we see is light 'cause the sun burns bright ♪ we could be alright for forever this way ♪ two friends
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true friends ♪ on a perfect day ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: platt in "dear evan hansen" on broadway, and at the tony's june 11th on cbs. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: that's it for the "late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be kevin spacey, terry crews, and rob huebel. now stick around for james corden and his guests lionel richie and jenna dewan tatum. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh
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. >> james: good evening, while taping our show earlier tonight we heard the horrific news coming out of manchester in england. there had been an incident at ar yarna grande's concert. there is no information about what is happening, all we know


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