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tv   The Rachel Maddow Show  MSNBC  May 7, 2015 1:00am-2:01am PDT

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>> it is fascinating to watch the league now have to deal with this. they had the commission report. story was the biggest store are i in the world. now, they have this report p david and kavitha, thank you. "the rachel maddow show" starts right now. if they took away the title, there would be rioting, including in this studio. thank you, my friend. thanks to you at home for joining us this hour. one of the funnier, conservative political impulses in this country in the last few years was when president obama was first elected and to a lessor extent again when he was reelected in 2012. there was this little outburst on the right of american conservatives threatening that they were going to move to canada. they were so disappointed that america had taken a liberal turn that they were going to take refuge in a country with
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socialized medicine, really high taxes and an open door policy for immigration. i don't think canada was going to make them feel better if what they were worried about was lib earlyism. a lot of american conservatives said when barack obama was elected, that they were going to move to canada because of those election results that they did not like. what do you do if you are a conservative who already lives in canada and you get an election result you do not like, ba us it is way too liberal? the canadian conservatives do not, in that instance, threaten to move to the united states, which might make sense for them. if you are canadian conservative and you are horrified by some liberal winning an election in canada, what you threaten to do in that instance? you just threaten to move somewhere else in canada. the least liberal part of can ada, the canadian equivalent to texas. they just elected the canadian equivalent of bernie sanders to
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run their province. all the conservatives in alberta are threatening that they are going to move to saskatchewan in protest. look at some of the stuff on twitter. well, there goes the neighborhood. i will now be moving to saskatchewan. sell everything. move to saskatchewan. lock down the border to slow down the eastbound traffic. canada is the fifth largest producer of oil in the world, almost 80% of canada's oil comes from alberta, comes from the alberta tar sands. canada does overall have kind of a clean and green pseudoscandanavian green and clean. if you have wondered why they pull out of international agreements and don't hit the target, it is mostly because of alberta's tar sand oils and consistently conservative influence on canadian national politics, particularly around
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energy and the environment. the canadian prime minister is a conservative, steven harper, from the conservative strong hold. they have been in charge in alberta for 43 years. 43 years, they have held power there, longer than any one party has been in control of any one part of canada ever. with the alberta oil and conservative lock on the politics there, alberta really is the texas of canada. it is even more so than texas is, look at the political map. heading in to last night's election, this was the conservative dominance of the locale government in alberta. it is a parliamentary system there. there are more than two parties. those red squares there are the conservatives. that's the conservative party in alberta heading into last night's election. that's what they had and how they controlled it. if you look at just blue seats
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there, the four blue squares, those were the liberal seats in that parliament. that's the new democratic party. this is what it was in alberta before last night's election. this is what happened last night. whoa! not only did the liberal new democratic party take over from the conservatives for the first time in 40 years, they just stomped them. they absolutely stomped them. >> well, my friends, i know. i think we might have made a little bit of history tonight. friends, i believe that change has finally come to alberta. >> that is rachel notley, the new not at all conservative
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premier of canada's most conservative province. the head of the conservative party not only lost to rachel notley but re-signed immediately as premier and from the legislature overall. he said he would leave politics forever effective immediately. he is now back in private life. he is gone. so today conservatives in alberta said they were going to move to saskatchewan and the canadian international press started running out of adjectives to explain how big a shift this was. conservatives were decimated. pigs do fly. this is as unlikely as socialists taking power in texas. hell freezes over in alberta. the one key player in alberta politics that has freaked out the most since these election results came in. the one sort of stake holder
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that plays a really big goal in alberta and alberta politics was the oil industry. oil industry is freaking out. look at the headlines, energy sector braces for change. alberta's oil patch now in uncharted waters. energy industry, financial analysts saying the industry is somewhere between disbelief and dismay. they have not believed this would happen. they thought, quote, that people would come to their senses. another oil industry financial guy had a panic attack on the business pages saying, quote, as an investor in the oil patch, you are going to get your teeth kicked in. the new democrats are saying they will take a different approach and take a look at the royalties that oil companies pay back to the tax payers. they are planning on hiking the corporate tax rate from 10% to 12%. they say they are going to do a total u-turn on the issue of climate change where alberta has
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pressured canada to be worse on climate change. now, they say alberta is going to pressure canada to be better on climate change. they are also planning to do a total policy u-turn on something that directly affects the united states, the keystone pipeline. still up in the air. obama administration has not decided about improving or not. it would start at the alberta oilsands in alberta, canada and pump that canadian oil across the border and all the way across the united states all the way down to the refineries in the texas gulf coast. now that alberta last night threw out the conservative government that they have had for 40 years and, instead, have picked this new democratic government, this new liberty government. the new premier, rachel notley, says that alberta is right now going to stop spending any more government resources on pushing the united states to approve that pipeline. they are going to stop pushing for keystone.
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lo knows. president obama might still decide to approve. he gets to decide on his own terms. if he does, it is not going to be because our neighbors to the north are pressuring him to do it. alberta is going to stop putting pressure on the u.s. about that. when president obama first got elected an all those american conservatives were threatening they were going to move to canada to get away from the horrible socialist things he was going to do to the country, nobody would have predicted was that one of the things that would happen during his presidency, one of the terrible socialist, ecotree-hugger gay, hippie things he would do would be to make the united states the world's number one producer of oil. over the course of the obama presidency, we have become the larger producer of oil in the world. we produce more oil every day than saudi arabia does. now, on the one hand, neat. on the other hand, that comes with a whole raft of new policy
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challenges. some are about climate change and some about very nitty-gritty, basic logistics and safety details like, for example, how to move all this oil around the country. part of that is pipeline politics and keystone politics and other pipeline projects that have attracted so much attention and protests and lobbying and so much money. those big pipeline projects will get built or they won't eventually. what has already scaled up incredibly rapidly and as an incredibly huge scale to move oil around the country, in the meantime, what we have decided to do is trains, oil trains. that has produced its own new political weather as these oil trains derail and crash and blow up. they cause these apocalyptic
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fireballs. railroads are not new technology, obviously. shipping oil by rail is not new technology. we are shipping so much of it more than we used to. we have very quickly proven that the old safety standards we had for doing that kind of thing at low volume are not good enough now that we are doing it high volume. the government really is scrambling to catch up after we have one after another of these huge explosions. last night, literally just last night on this show, we had the obama administration transportation secretary, anthony foxx, here live to tax about the brand new rules that were just announced to try to deal with the problem of oil trains blowing up all over the place. talking about secretary foxx, i think the government is happy to have some rule out at all given how hard the oil industry is pushing against it and how long it takes to roll these things out. what they have rolled out is, you know, kind of a mixed bag. on the other hand, they are setting new rules for stronger tanker cars that hopefully won't blow up so easily. on the other hand, these new
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mandatory standards for stronger cars won't go into effect for years. they are going to leave the current generation of unsafe cars on the rails for up to another five years. on one hand, the new rules say first responders and emergency crews should get more information with about these rolling mile long bombs that are pulling through cities and towns all across the country. on the other hand, the new rules say the general public should get even less access to information about those trains than we get now. so they are trying to come up with a fix to the problem. every step of the way, the industry, the railroad industry and the energy industry is pushing back an saying, there is no problem at all. pay no attention to the apocalyptic fireball in the corner. that fight is underway. we had the transportation secretary here just last night talking about it. then, wake up this morning. right on time. this morning, another oil train blew up.
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a train made up of the type of oil cars that the new rule will leave on the rail for another five years, until 2020. we still don't know why this latest oil train derailed about you it did. at least a half dozen oil tankers full of crude blew up after the derailment happened. those cars, as far as we know right now, are still burning tonight. this is the fifth major oil train derailment and explosion already. once again, it has happened in the state of north dakota, which is becoming more synonymous with oil production than alberta is or texas is. north dakota is where we pump that back in oil shale crude which many feel is more volatile or prone to blowing up than your everyday crude. when this derailment happened. they had to eval weight a town in central north dakota, about
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80 miles east of mynut, north dakota. they issued a health advisory advising people to stay indoors to avoid breathing any of the considerable smoke that this oil train fire has been putting out. they have dispatched at least four separate fire departments to try and monitor the scene, if not put it out. these fires are usually burning too hot and too big to put out. you just wait for them to burn. they have dispatched at least four separate fire departments and two has matt teams. officials from the epa are on site monitoring whether that oil has gotten into a nearby river. the ntsb says they have started an inquiry. they plan to have their investigators on the ground. the federal railroad administration has their administrators there already. this is oil disaster number fives athe federal government is at the very beginning of trying to catch up to what's going on
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on the rails and places like north dakota, where all the oil is coming from, are basically left to muddle along on their own and handle this issue as best they can, both for themselves and these small towns like heimdaul, north dakota, which had to be completely evacuated but also for the country as their particularly volatile leading export rumbles across the country in these big, fragile tin cans. joining us now is ron gugensburg. thanks very much for being with us. >> thanks for having me on, rachel. >> so i'm extrapolating a little bit from what i've seen in terms of fire departments responding to these oil train fires around the country. as somebody with experience in fire fighting and somebody who has looked at this from a policy-making perspective, is it fair to say there really isn't a way to put out the fires at least in the short-term?
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>> when these trains derail and start a fire, you can't just walk in there and put the fire out obviously. the issue we are having in north dakota, as far as first responders, 95% of our firefighters are volunteers. that means that they have volunteered, stepped forward to help their communities to put out a car fire or a house fire ordeal with other natural disaster but they didn't for this. they didn't ask for a railroad to go through their community. they didn't ask for the dangerous things that are on the railcars. >> it seems like concerns for first responders is something that actually hasn't been at the top of the agenda of people worried about this new safety crisis that we have got in the country.
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i wonder if there is enough training, there is enough specialized equipment, there is enough, sort of best practices advice that could go out and put first responders in a better stead or is this sort of just unfightable as the situation in terms of what first responders may stumble on literally in a town of any size in the country as these trains go everywhere? >> yeah, rachel, you are right. the best way to put out a fire is to prevent it from happening in the first place. the same with a rail accident. we had a big fight this session in north dakota legislature about whether or not to approve three rail inspectors to start a state rail inspection program, which we eventually did, with basically, 1 1/2 rail inspectors. it made us the 31st state in the nation to have one. did was a fight until the final day. >> is that because there is denial at the state level in north dakota that there is a safety risk here?
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is it just pure fiscal conservatism that people don't want to spend money on anything. is there hope the federal government or the industry might somehow step up and take care of it? what is driving them? >> i would say all of the above. we are ready to collect money from diesel tax on the railroads. we are going to collect between $5 million and $6 million in the next two years. only $600,000 of that will be used for rail safety in our state. in fact, we had $3 million in the budget to help first responders. instead of using this railroad tax, what the republicans and majority did bass take money already in a fund for the fire tighters, took it away from the local fire departments to use for rail safety training. the other issues are always, yes, we're just against any type of government. i did think it was kind of funny.
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it seems like almost every day in the north dakota legislature, we had bills to talk about our state sovereignty and balance budget amendments. we want the federal government to stop spending money. when it came to this, when it came to our rails in our state, the republicans and the majority wanted the federal government to come in and take care of us. >> having watched firsthand, i can tell you, there is going to be no federal rescue here. unless it happens at some other level, i am not sure it is going to happen any time soon. ron guggisburg, a real pleasure to have you. thanks for being with us. >> thank you, rachel. >> literally, he is the perfect person to talk to on this issue. we had to invent him. obviously, he is an actor. no, i'm kidding. we have lots more ahead including the question of how is it the state of texas, the state with more don't mess with us
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swagger than any other state in the country is also the nationwide leader in they're coming to get is paranoia. we have a lot ahead. stay with us. my advice for healthy looking radiant skin. a good night's sleep... and aveeno®. [ female announcer ] only aveeno® positively radiant has an active naturals® total soy formula. it helps reduce the look of brown spots in just four weeks. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results™.
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chuck norris, walker, texas ranger, bringing the law and the order. >> ranger, we're leaving. >> you're leaving all right but you're going to jail. >> no way. no more jail, never. >> chuck norris used to play the guy you would want on your side in a fight, any fight. now, chuck norris is on the most fantastic site in the craziest fight of all. as promised, that story is coming up tonight. i'm very excited about it. please stay with us.
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check it out jim what do you think? hey you made garlic nantz. we made garlic knots. nahh my grandmother used to make these. fresh dough, yup. garlic parmesan seasoning, yup. all twisted up. garlic nantz. twisted up in knot. garlic knots. hm. garlic nantz, no way! yeah! introducing garlic nantz! made with fresh, never frozen dough
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get a large 2 topping pizza for just $10, and try garlic knots for a limited time, online only price of $4. better ingredients. better pizza. this is an important update. last night, we reported on the absolutely ginormous number of candidates running or conceivably running for president on the republican side. by our math, by our count, there were 22 total. six in the race already for sure. a slew of other maybes adding up to 22 all together. tonight, we have a math update. is reporting that the republican governor of michigan, rick snyder, will not run for president. whoop. by. that's according to two sources. familiar with his planning. just yesterday, rick snyder hinted that he really might run. now, he is apparently out according to politico.
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we have just learned that rick santorum is, more than likely officially getting in. former pennsylvania senator will reportedly announce his candidacy on may 27th in pittsburgh. we'll just be pipping rick perry. due to announce june 1st. as of this moment, in terms of the bottom line, there are six folks officially already running. one other who will be announcing his candidacy by the end of this month and 14 others that may very well run. we'll keep updating the math. watch this space.
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it is true. i have not managed to make everybody happy. six years into my presidency, some people still say i'm arrogant and aloof, condescending. some people are so dumb. no wonder i don't meet with them. that's not all people say about me. a few weeks ago, dick cheney says, he thinks i'm the worst president of his lifetime. which is interesting, because i think dick cheney is the worst president of my lifetime. quite a coincidence. i mean, everybody has something to say these days. mike huckabee recently said, people shouldn't join our military until a true conservative is elected
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president. think about that. it was so outrageous, 47 ayatollahs wrote us a letter trying to explain to huckabee how our system works. >> president obama at the white house correspondents' dinner last week making a pretty good joke about dick cheney and a less funny but more specific joke about mike huckabee. specifically about mike huckabee saying this. >> there is no greater heroes to our country than our military but i might suggest to parents, i'd wait a couple of years until we get a new commander-in-chief. >> parents, don't let your kids enlift in the military while president obama is in office. never mind the myriad of wars around the world. just wait until it is president huckabee in a couple of years. former arkansas governor, mike huckabee, did announce he is running again for president. there are so many contenders and potential contenders for the presidency on the republican
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side that we are going to get some kind of announcement about someone basically every day between now an the summer. on monday this week, we got ben carson announcing in the morning and carly fiorina announcing in the afternoon and then mike huckabee and then michigan governor, rick snyder would not run and that we might get rick santorum by the end of the month. the huckabee announcement provides a particularly good snapshot of something going on in republicanville that does not necessarily make sense in the rest of the country. but because it is going on in republicanville, it is going to be a national hum in the rest of our politics. here is how it goes. in conservative politics, one of mike huckabee's most potent allies has always been chuck norris. yes, chuck norris. he is now 75 years old. chuck norris is still the
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platonic ideal of an action hero to a certain chunk of the mike huckabee base. he gets to do joint appearances and funny campaign ads with chuck norris like this one. now that mr. huckabee is running again, he is deploying chuck norris again. as mike huckabee was announcing he is going to run for president again yesterday, chuck norris simultaneously was doing an interview with the "new york times" explaining how there is no one better qualified in america to be president than his friend, mike huckabee. in order to give that interview to the "new york times" about mike huckabee, chuck norris did have to interrupt his regular schedule of writing columns for the conservative website world net daily. it is like selling people on his helpful tricks to lose the fat with magic green tea and chuck norris probiotics. when he is not persuading his world net daily readers to send
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away for this breakthrough new book from cleansing tox sins from your gut lose weight now. he is encouraging his readers to consider jade helm 15. it is a u.s. military training exercise scheduled to take place for eight weeks starting in july. a bunch of states in the american southwest, the idea is for green berets and navy s.e.a.l.s and other special operation troops to do a big training exercise in different terrain they might find themselves in if serving overseas. on the far right fringe, jade helm is the first stage of a martial law takeover of texas and maybe other states too or maybe just texas. on the fringe right, jade helm is the military seth up prison camps for american citizens and something to do with the aliens
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hiding underground. plus, don't forget the blue laser horse thing at the denver airport which is definitely involved. jade helm 15 is about a network of underground tunnels where the entrances are disguised by these mysteriously closed walmart stores and the tunnels go to secret deep underground military bases. dumbs for short. dumbs, because apparently this is an intelligence test and we are failing. if you line up the maps, you can see with your wide open eyes, the network of underground walmart tunnels so clearly. those walmarts with the tunnels and the dumbs will be where the chinese will be setting up their headquarters or for the enslaved american children in the tunnels now that will have to be moved out because jade helm will be used to conquer texas.
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maybe the walmarts are where they will stash all the texas patriots guns after the jade helm troops take them all away. it is in the maps. it is right there. >> there are maps circulating that show several deep underground basis around the united states. there are also maps circulating that show tunnels that connect those bases. you will also see how walmarts connect to some of the bases in some of the tunnels. >> walmart has been in this special kind of partnership in this war against terror with dhs. they could very well be going through a process connecting them to an underground network. this is a very real situation. >> in the document, texas, utah, and conservative areas of southern california are listed as hostile areas.
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>> i hope jade helm 15 is not the preparation for or the actual implementation of a roundup of patriotic men who have the capacity to influence and inspire the citizenry to resist a coup against the republic. >> that is a little taste of the jade helm right wing freakout, particularly in texas. obviously, the great jade helm texas freakout is a pretty funny national joke. >> you know who is calling it a texas takeover, lone star lunatics. dallas, houston, texas. there is no texas takeover. the united states government already controls texas since the 1840s. they left and came back. just borrow a text book from a neighboring state.
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it is all in there. >> yes, it is funny. it is hilarious with a capital funion. the conspiracy theory is being cooked up in texas and trafficked by texas alex jones, the king of all internet conspiracies that will supply you with male vitality potions that will make you look more har marry if you take the picture in the right light. the military exercise is still a ways off, not to start until the middle of july. the jade helm story isn't going away on the right. last week, greg abbott called out the texas state guard and directed them to monitor the jade helm exercise so texans know their safety and constitutional rights and private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed. this week, despite all the ridicule and everybody in mainstream america making fun of
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this, he is out there touting the decision, defending the decision, not backing off one iota. texas senator, ted cruz, running for president, says he has now written to the pentagon to demand answers from them about jade helm 15 and what's really going on about it purported military exercise. republican hopeful, rand paul of kentucky, senator paul, also says he is looking into this jade helm issue. the mike huckabee and chuck norris show right now is basically equal parts. mike huckabee for president and be afraid of jade helm. the next candidate we are pretty sure who is going to announce on june 1st is rick perry. he made a little stab at trying to be the voice of reason on the jade helm issue. he is trying to be the voice of reason on this. watch how his handlers pull him away in the middle of his comments. >> texas monitoring the u.s. military?
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>> i am one of these guys, i think it is okay to question your government. i do it on a pretty regular basecy. the military is something else. i think our military is quite trust worthy. the civilian leadership, you can always question that but not the men and women -- >> governor perry, when should we expect an announcement? >> he has to go. stop talking. pity the poor republican politician who needs to figure out the appropriate line on this to avoid offending the base, which is upset about this matter, but also needing to not seem insane to the rest of the country. this is one of the issues that is hilarious to the rest of the real world and totally serious in the real world. for most politicians, particularly those competed for the nomination, if you have a choice between seeming insane to normal people and seeming righteous to the base.
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which are you going to pick? on the surface level, the u.s. military and even walmart seem like they would be pretty hardened targets when it comes to conservative criticism, right? you think those two institutions might be safe but nothing is immune anymore, not at times like these even when it comes to the military. there is now no alarm that goes off on the right when you touch things too close to the conservative heart. jade helm panic is funny. it is going to be with us for a while. it is hilarious and ridiculous to most of the country but it is real on the right and fast becoming real politics for real ambitious republican politicians. hold that thought.
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how will it affect our routine daily lives? >> first and foremost, we are truly invested in everybody's personal rights and their privacy. that's what we live for. we live to support the constitution of the united states. >> why is there overwhelming opposition to this martial law program with the commissioners court consider reversing their invitation to these guys and would the court be offended if i
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told the colonel that i didn't believe a single word that he just said? >> that was a special operations navy s.e.a.l.s, green berets, delta force and others that are running this. >> central texas right outside of austin where they are running their main operations against the enemy force, texas, for jade helm. >> we will have some real stuff mixed in to confuse the public. >> sinai and sugar, idiot public, everybody freak out. the great paranoid panic over the jade helm military exercise has become a national joke, except among the republican base. therefore, it can't be a joke among republican candidates that are trying to please that base. they have a very, very discontinuing the decision. they have to choose between trying to seem righteous to that
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base but not seeming insane to normal people at the same time. how are these candidates going to be able to tow that line. joining is kristin hobby. >> thanks for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> welcome to texas while we still have a state. >> before the federal government comes in and locks you all up in closed walmarts. >> exactly. >> a lot of people were surprised when governor abbott told the texas guard to monitor this exercise. it felt like it was a funny little fringe concern about this thing. was he hearing concerns about this from more people that we might expect. is this a bigger concern than we know? >> he is hearing about it from his own base. greg abbott ran for governor as attorney general. his biggest applause was, i wake up every morning and sue the federal government and go home. he has made a pretty substantial political stake in railing against the federal government
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and distrust of the federal government and stage right. so this was part of -- in his wheelhouse. >> part of it that feels hard even with understanding that context is that it is not like it is a homeland security exercise, not like it is an atf exercise. it is u.s. military special force exercise. guys like greg abbott have been able to build a political career around hating the feds but haven't build it around being suspicious of the military. >> a lot of these folks are help support our troops on bumper stickers. there is a cognizant dissent that you think the military would use those walmart tunnels to come and con physical kate your guns and impose martial law at the same time you think they are heroes. >> i played that lieutenant colonel going to the county meeting to try to talk people off the ledge.
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in part, i think it is remarkable the way he was treated there. i think it is interesting the way the military has taken it above themselves to try to talk people off the ledge here. are they making a big p.r. effort to try to calm people down about this. >> yes, they are. there was a briefing in the state capital yesterday to staffers and others to help answer questions raised about this and the constituency. it is like any conspiracy theory. our president was born in kenya. 9/11 was an inside job. it has some of its own fire power on the internet. people start to listen. >> do you expect that people like ted cruz and other people who are courting the texas republican base as their wonderful president may stick with the jade helm criticism or at least the conspiracy theorizing around it as a way to keep people interested? >> i don't think they lose political capital for doing it.
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there are a lot of republicans. today smith, a 16-year legislate tore in texas called them out and said, why are you pandering to idiots? i think the republican party has fallin so far they can't recognize a common sense approach of saying, this is insanity. you must stop. as i said and as you've said, the republican base is very powerful and active. the republican primary is the only election that counts. that's what republicans have held every state-wide office in texas for the last two decades. all you need to do is win the primary. >> that's what makes the republican on republican conversation so interesting. it was really nice to have you here. >> thank you. >> we have quite a bit left on the show tonight of slightly less crazy news, slightly less, slightly.
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stay with us. my advice for healthy looking radiant skin. a good night's sleep... and aveeno®. [ female announcer ] only aveeno® positively radiant has an active naturals® total soy formula. it helps reduce the look of brown spots in just four weeks. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results™.
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it has been a tense night in oklahoma. they have had to be evacuated because of the storms. that airport still appears to be under evacuation right now. all incoming flights upon the city are being diverted. the tornados caused damage throughout the state. today and the tonight, water and debris, a lot of roadways, more than 10,000 oklahoma electric customers are without power right now. oklahoma has now operated its emergency operations center and it's been directing people as to where they can go with shelter if they need to. but oklahoma is not alone. in kansas, a wave of tornados touched down, damaged a number of homes in nebraska. more than a dozen tornados touched down in those three states today and this is part of a larger system that is still rolling through that part of the country. those states are still on a severe weather watch as of this evening.
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we'll keep you posted as we learn more. stay with us. doug, we have the results, but first, we have a very special guest. come on out, flo! [house band playing] you have anything to say to flo? nah, i'll just let the results do the talking. [crowd booing] well, he can do that. we show our progressive direct rate and the rates of our competitors even if progressive isn't the lowest. it looks like progressive is not the lowest! ohhhh! when we return we'll find out whether doug is the father. wait, what?
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here is what you need to know about before tomorrow. the country is divided into 650 constituencies. each constituent has an even parliament. people vote for local candidate toes representative them in parliament and the leader of whichever party gets the most seats gets to be prime minister. the biggest parties are conservative party.
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which is prime minister david cameron's party and the labor party headed up by ed milliband. they are running neck and neck. literally, they're tied in the polls. if the polls are right and neither of the major parties gets a seat to form a government on their own, then we will get a hung parliament, which is like a hung jury but with more tea and crumpettes. and queen elizabeth. if there is a hung parliament, queen elizabeth will pick a leader who will try to run a country. the closer the two major parties are the more the minor parties play a decisive role. nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow. there is a roughly 50% chance that the current prime minister will be out on his ear this time tomorrow night. it's all very exciting. there's a five-hour time difference between the east coast and britain. plan to stay up late and watch this state.
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minnesota winters are brutal it's tough being cooped up it gets a little stale. when dad opens up the window what's the first thing he does? the tobin stance spring is in the air and pollen, dog hair... the sunshine looks like fairy dust. (doorbell) whoa! what's this? swiffer sweeper! swiffer dusters! removes up to 70% of dust and allergens. stays on there like glue
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wow! look at that! ew! the tobin stance! that is totally what it is! ask your boss to ask his priest. find a boy scott and see what he thinks. tap a mailman on the shoulder. >> sorry. i didn't mean to startle you. >> tell him you didn't mean to startle him and then ask him if birth control is right for you. put it online and see how many likes it gets. ask an old black man and an asian boy playing chess in the park. then ask them how they became friends because there has just got to be a story there.
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ask someone who just got one of those cochlear implants and is hearing for the very first time. but just can i get birth control? ask jeeves. i'm supposed to ask you, too. ask your mom's new boyfriend. then, ask the supreme court. finally, ask yourself why you insist on having sex for fun. >> no refills? i have to go through all this again next month? >> yep. see you then. >> can i have a gun? >> yep. remember, that's your right. >> the great amy schumer, everybody. one sight of satyrical genius is when it accidentally or on purpose predicts the real theme. that just happened in real life. the part about asking your boss if it's okay to use birth control? d.c. passed a law recently
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saying if your boss has a moral problem with birth control and you are on birth control, your boss cannot use that as a basis for firing you. republicans in the house of represents just voted to repeal that law in d.c. house republicans just said, yes, your boss absolutely should be able to fire you if you take birth control or if you have premarital sex or if you get pregnant out of wedlock or if you have in vitro fertilization. the push to get congress to repeal that d.c. law to say it's okay if your boss fires you if you fight birth control, that push came from powerful conservative groups from d.c. and is coming from 2016 presidential candidates. ted cruz sponsored the bill to do that in the senate. rand paul now says he supports it, as well. every year the beltway media tells us this is the year republicans are no longer focused on social issues, right? war on women things. social conservativism isn't
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supposed to matter in 2016. it's still a real thing. but at the very least, this year it has the potential to be a very, very funny thing. conservetism was not supposed to matter. it still matters. it's still a real thing. but at the very least this year it has the potential to be a funny thing. "first look" is up next. >> coming up on "first look," a storm chaser caught inside a tornado as an outbreak of twisters strikes the midwest and another major cluster of tornadoes expected saturday. the nfl report on the patriots and tom brady's deflated balls stops just short of calling them cheaters. plus 65 million americans are suffering through a poll entsunami. a new mcdonald's ham burg