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tv   Redacted Tonight  RT  June 13, 2014 11:29pm-12:01am EDT

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i realized something recently you know the difference between evil people and good people villainous people and just people crazy pants dennis miller and saturday night live dennis miller the difference is that evil people have plans they always have a plan good people don't have plans or missions or agendas we just stumble through life think it will all treat each other right if given the chance even people have dry raise boards and power point presentations and i pad app to keep track of just how evil is coming along and whether it needs an evil course correction because this quarter's evil is three percent lower than last quarter's evil good people don't have plants good people have donuts in saddam it's just. all right you one
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example there is an organization that consists of america's top business leaders getting together with government officials behind closed doors during those these clandestine meetings the state governments across the country are told exactly which laws to enact in order to turn the nation into a far right wing a hellhole would looks and smells like rush limbaugh is bad. yeah get that image out of your head it's called alec which contrary to popular belief does not stand for a whole is leaving everything. it stands for the american legislative exchange council and it's a really great organization if you're a fan of corporate profiteering circumventing government and bad based white men legislating a woman's uterus if you're a fan of those things that alec is a freaking amusement park with a lot of free joe g.'s you could eat the way it works is alec has modeled eight hundred bills to push through state legislatures in a painful yet consistent manner like someone passing
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a kidney stone about one out of every five of these bills do indeed become law and these government officials know that if they're good boys and girls and try to pass these destroy the country bills then they will be. awarded with massive campaign contributions and all the free nacho cheese i could ate i don't know why i associate evil with nacho cheese but i do know the point is evil people have plans during all these secretive meetings one of the non-evil people thinking tell you what we're thinking man do i like ravioli with. the close is people get to it but there goes good people get to a plan is if i work an extra hour at this job i bet i could get two cans of revenue oliva and stead of just the one bad people have plants we don't have plants i don't have a plan you don't have a plan your plan tonight is i want to watch a t.v. show maybe laugh a little meanwhile chiquita bananas plan was to undermine a nine eleven victims bill that would hold financier's of terrorism accountable to
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canada doesn't want the bill because to kid abbott is to be a financier of terrorism from ninety ninety seven to two thousand and four they paid one point seven million dollars to a paramilitary force in colombia a country you might not have ever been to or hell if you're american a country you might not have ever heard of lives they've heard of it because they have maps they have plants and they have maps all right i'm just saying the good people of this planet are never going to make any progress unless we get some office supplies all right just a three hole punch or somethin but then chiquita's defense and then as drew bruise easily just look at this diagram. it's so let's get started with the plan and come to you from washington d.c. this is redacted tonight.
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well governor dak to deny that i'm you know mostly good. and by host i mean you are my parasites let's take the news from behind shall you this yr is a photo of jeremy hammond it looks nice enough but he's serving ten years in prison for hacking into global intelligence firm stratfor releasing the treasure trove of e-mails showing stratfor has their fingers in more dirty than paula deen at a nudist colony all right ok you made that dirty in your own head right hammond has long said that he was led into hacking stratfor by a man named solved who who was working with the f.b.i. at the time now i know what you think and why it is a vietnamese dish working for the f.b.i. good stuff with not a vietnamese dish but a human hacker that's right well now there is new proof that the f.b.i.
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coerced no proof that the f.b.i. coerced hammon indeed committing the crime so this is like that show bait car where someone leaves a car with the keys inside if you steal it they arrest you except instead of a car this was a bunch of internal e-mails instead of just stumbling across the car your friend is standing there going to get. it back is my car you can have it it's my car. and that friend works for the f.b.i. . car and all rowing but we should still give the f.b.i. credit for thwarting the attack the attack they themselves perpetrated. moving on more evil people with plans the transpacific partnership the largest proposed trade deal mankind has ever seen and despite the fact that it would essentially cede our sovereignty as a country to multinational corporations obama loves it more than life itself it is bad project kind of like the moon landing was for j.f.k. or collecting potato bugs was for george w. bush all right and a few months ago the los enjoy a city council path. asked
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a resolution pledging to try to halt the transpacific partnership this is one of the largest u.s. cities declaring that they will do everything in their power to protect their citizens against the horrors of our own trade deal and when the l.a. resolution was passed it got less media coverage than the new shoes on that baby boy belonging to that guy who bled you know from say by the bell the new class that's right the new class. i guess the government doesn't want you talking about the t.p. pay just like they don't want you talking about how much you're being spied on every day practically everything you do is being recorded you're online search history what book you last read what book you last said you read to impress your friends but you didn't kendall no if you didn't all right are you trying to fool and here's the thing it's not the n.s.a. that's doing it it's corporations but since this sort of spying helps you get
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a movie and restaurant recommendations no one seems to give it but correspondent sam sachs does give one in fact he gives many that's why he's on the redacted front lines. in the age of big brother your refrigerator won't be your refrigerator it will be a smart refrigerator connected to the internet full of sensors that are constantly feeding back and forth will be able to remind you when you're out of eggs or should just interest because based on the food you have stored inside like spaghetti with ketchup or touchup or mustard or star refrigerator will even maintain its own twitter profile that it will guilt trip you about if you don't follow. it it will just be a refrigerator a number of devices in point big data the internet is dramatically increasing more than fifty billion devices expected to be alive by two thousand and twenty two
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known as the internet of things like decepticons meet the n.s.a. . already big god is giving us valuable insights into how things work and don't work helping systems run more efficiently and cheaper by finding potential problems that small data may have missed. but the most lucrative and also most frightening aspect of big data is what it says not about cars in refrigerators board it says about you. those everyday devices that you use simply to get to work or make dinner will be collecting data not just for your convenience but also for the convenience of online advertisers malicious third party data brokers and the government think of big data as someone who's watching you all the time like a stalker the do a ph d. in algorithms and creepiness will call him big data daddy big daddy. big daddy knows what you search for online where you write in your emails where you buy with your credit cards the radio stations you listen to most what medical
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condition you last googled google what are the symptoms of low to no rickets no low tech and with all that data big daddy comes to know more about you than you know about yourself the next time you search for cough and cold symptoms online big daddy inundate you with ads for robitussin because that one time you ordered three gallons of the supper crazy weekend in ocean city oh yeah. or the next time you buy scented wife said target big daddy says congratulations you're pregnant. or the time you thought you wanted to watch the bourne identity but big daddy said no you know like not even the movies you like woody allen movies all because you get your end from upstate new york your netflix password for the weekend and she sends watch vicky cristina barcelona eighteen times and you try to explain to big daddy that there's a flaw in his collection methods but he reminds you that you never passed out in college and you should just trust him to take with you i mean you need to address that loti problem and you tell big daddy don't you talk about my low t.
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problem when things quickly escalate from. so big that is not infallible the answers gleaned from it are only as legitimate as the collection methods that win into it after all you wouldn't want to quantify the depravity of society by only looking at you tube comments ok maybe you would but there's another problem with big data. that's big discrimination big data tell banks that certain homeowners students credit card holders are less likely to pay back their loans thus resulting in higher interest rates or big data could tell police that dark haired white guys with clunky plastic glasses are more likely to commit crimes which could result in heightened police scrutiny and yours truly. police scrutiny and white guys. are that. i mean we're practically invisible here right. there kohut. in may
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this year the white house released a report on big data how it's being used by the private sector and government and its potential for abuse over there's one agency's use of big data that is conspicuously absent from the report nevertheless the white house did push for a sweeping new consumer privacy bill of rights one that will allow individuals to control what personal data is collected how it's being used and how securely it's being stored essentially policymakers behind me and down the street in congress need to understand the changing dynamics of technology and marketing and be ahead of the curve to pass laws that still respect consumer privacy and prevent discrimination. and i'm being told by a big daddy that that won't happen so it looks like it's up to consumers then to find internet service and content providers that won't spy on them and sell their big data to brokers which is at least what this reporter is going to do. this
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speech. or not apparently i don't want to do that big daddy tells me i'm far too lazy and cheap to protect my own privacy like most americans. thanks but. reporting from washington d.c. sam productive tonight. sam sacks everybody. did you get the joke there scrawny jewish kid beat up the matrix looking asian guy fat that was the joke will be rag woman right back after the messages and you should pay close attention to this first one hi there are you tired of thinking for yourself tired of charting your own course through life free will got you down then you need. advertising. advertising will slowly drain you of your independence eroding your self-worth like waves over a sandcastle every day the average person takes in between one thousand and three
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thousand advertisements and brand names seems high right that's because it is all these ads that let you know that you're fat uncool unhappy underdressed and just a general loser luckily advertising will supply you with solutions to all your problems solutions that will actually just keep you docile malleable and mindlessly obsessed with consumption in every sense of the word well except the old timey sense what it meant to burkett loss' that would be weird so try advertising today you don't have much of a choice. we
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were. told.
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welcome back hi guys yeah i guess. you might have noticed i don't normally get into the inside the beltway sausage fest of sausage making that consists of every move individual politicians make i don't do that because i understand the party system is fully owned subsidiary of corporate america that's a realisation that is known by you me and most monopoly players all right however every once in awhile something insane happens house with joy. already leader eric cantor widely known as the guy who waxes be out of bob's upper thighs i absolutely love you defending eric cantor. lost his primary challenge to tea party candidate dave brat who has a twenty three year old campaign manager twenty three which means brad and jen just have to file a photo of him which we. didn't just have to campaign he also had to leave time to
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act as the easter bunny for his campaign manager. that's right i took on the easter bunny i know fred no one next of santa and vishnu and. anyway the mainstream media wants to tell you that cantor lost because he was not right wing enough on immigration even though cantor hates every immigrant he's ever met all right the media says he didn't go far enough he didn't declare that virginians should be able to own immigrants and open carry them into fast food restaurants right. you surely have to conceal them however this seems to be more media spin the reality dave brat talked a lot at least as much about ending corruption and jailing bankers as he talked about immigration as leaf falling at republic report noted sprats candidacy was was directed against wall street k. street and corporate cronyism now i'm not saying bret isn't
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a right wing lunatic all right quite possibly as i'm just saying the mainstream media doesn't want to talk about the votes he grabbed because he spoke out against our runaway criminal banking system and political establishment moving on the cia finally started their own twitter account you can say a lot of things about the cia but clearly they are on top of the trends. not to be outdone the f.b.i. started of their christian mingle profile and. jumped on farmers only. but the white christian. just sound any creepier all right you might as well of called it christian sidle up next to you and lee or because i'm scared of sex dot com. of course none of these sites work as well as my favorite dating site ancestry dot com. who aren't they don't call her a great aunt for nothing anyway. and everyway the cia is on twitter and
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clearly it's because they have funny daily happenings to share and clever one liners that they want to get out to the masses let's check in on the cia twitter feed it's just saw an extraordinary rendition of michael jackson the beat it l.o.l. . here's another one off to partake in some beach board tant waterboarding. of here's another one people get on us about targets as asians but of all the times it was as nations those are totally the best. now although it may seem funny sending threatening tweets at cia is probably not good for your privacy of credit report or your ability to board planes without being bent over by a t.s.a. agent who hasn't even bought you a drink so when we would certainly never recommend you do that instead we recommend you simply send the cia absurd tweets that will cause alarm to go off inside whatever computer algorithms watch their twitter account here's some of our examples say cia i love my rainbow rabbi's scooter in your jihad bathroom of love
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thanks for the from a size. zero or one of cia one single tactical over the ocean could teach a bird to read nine eleven was it interior design project by mr miyagi. or you know cia i challenge you to get to a game of napalm dodgeball but instead of napalm we'll use milk and instead of dodgeball we'll use genitals made out of reclaimed wood all right. some one got a little awkward ok so we're asking you all of you out there. to give the cia something to do clearly they have too much time on their hands they're on twitter all right include hash tag redacted tonight and we'll show the best tweet on next week's show last week we asked you to tweet at sea world the best one came from in saying. if i had to see your world were an agile world or world it would make world war z. look like disney world. man that would be a crappy ride at disney world that just lock in
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a tank and take away your kids. news out of texas scientists have proven that the poisonous methane in the water in starker county texas is indeed linked to hydro fracking which means fracking could be creating dangerous levels of methane in the water supplies all over the country this report is brought to you by the nov council. getting council has brought you a report showing the b.p. oil spill has harmed marine life our criminal justice system is racist vegan cheese tastes like sadness the two party system is rigged silver lining's playbook was ok but overrated and while we're all pretty sure the chemicals we're putting in our hair are causing brain tumors we'd rather have brain tumors then look like this. goodnow council pointing out things you already knew since i came into the room. luxury apartments in london have put spikes on the ground outside in order to keep
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homeless people from sleeping there i'm not kidding look it may seem like this is yet another sign that the outrageously rich people are winning but we all know how evolution works mark my words over a few thousand years homeless people will develop a spike resistant armor skin and an immune system that can digest a rusty socket wrench all right they'll be invincible meanwhile the insanely rich living in their pure realm palaces and hand sanitizers and air purifiers will be allergic to the sun too weak to walk more than a couple of metres without a wine cooler of botox and dead by age thirty from dry skin all right. what good are your sidewalks spikes now the sidewalk likes but then again. but then again thousands of years from now the robots may have taken over and not getting the united nations human rights council has growing concerns about the development of killer robots yep that's right a number of countries are working to create military robots that would decide for
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themselves whether to kill or not terminator two ways almost real and to break down the story is political robotics correspondent john a fellow donald. i am greatly but yes i'll be honest ok pretty annoyed about all this blowback against killer robots do you know that twenty nobel peace prize recipient have come together to issue a joint statement calling for a primitive ban what is ahead of ballots i don't know what more that there's no mainstream media coverage of this issue or that you're actually in favor of on time is killing machines of course i am robots is next evolution baby. they're better than humans they make humans look like. harvey levin from d.m.c. . harvey levin is human oh come on please seriously. anyway face it robots are smarter than us they're stronger than us they can survive inside
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volcanoes while simultaneously beating as a jeopardy their right his. right to a robot scanner the other day at the storage r.v. thirty two dollars for an asparagus or a like you've never made an asparagus mistake of mine. so from what i gather people want to ban these killer robots right that would have the capability of killing without any sense of compassion human dignity respect rule you know respect for the rule of law what are you talking about robots have compassion and respect you're going to sit here and tell me that veronica doesn't have compassion and respect for me. who is for on a go she's my special friend i don't want to get into that robots robots can't make their own decision to kill someone john yes they can they can decide whether to kill just like my auto to consent to be with me or run it has got more compassion in her pleasure to then all of humanity come behind. although you might have a point about the auto blow one that thing was
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a nightmare trixie would not take no for an answer correct trixie i didn't name or that she was a rescue i know below she already had that name. locally the robot revolution is here and everyone is totally psyched about it you got to get on board. not everyone is psyched about it all right all those nobel peace prize recipients including arch bishop desmond tutu are calling for a preemptive ban right of course they are only there nobel peace prize recipients what do you expect out of those hippie dippie pansies nobody's even bothered to ask any of the nobel war prize recipients their thoughts about it i know there's no such thing as a nobel war probably that attitude i'm there should be there. some people who are awesome are a lot more out there cheney rumsfeld clinton and even obama has killed over twenty four injured people with unmanned drone bombings including a few americans he himself said quote i'm good at killing people. and
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and what about a new moreau plus no number one massport no war himself over it too soon. the kid s. he can't even go to france or spain because they have outstanding warrants was the reza war criminal do you know how bad ass you have to be as a person to be banned from an entire country i mean i was banned from a comic con but way of your opinions are you been banned from a comic con things go where between me and general elvis that genre mix and peace said alright relax relax like human rights watch you are issued a report stating that no humans could easily be held accountable for the horrific actions that military robots commit right we don't need a legal framework to prosecute such a thing so stop being a robot apologist for one second what are the state policies concerning autonomous weapons there are many i mean the us issued
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a directive at the end of two thousand and twelve which allows the d.o.d. to use only non-lethal versions of autonomous weapons unless officials waive the policy at a higher level that even mean that directive less than the auto blow to the air now would not be honorable. thing there's a big surprise those are active against that do not believe what you hear i gave a the reviews are not true that they will. have are down on everybody. as you know we're better than any other news show we get the breaking news sooner because we have the future headlines generator here are the headlines for. next week the taliban claimed responsibility for merciless attacks on american p.o.w. by fox news yeah fox news and the taliban working together well done in july in july you'll read this in the papers immigration bill passes oh wow that's
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a good. start immigrant bill passes apparently an immigrant and build. that's kind of sad but since he's our future headlines he still has some time left could you let it go. movement on moving on as some of you know a michael jackson hologram performed at the billboard music awards recently next week you'll read this headline new jersey barbet unimpressed by hologram of two members of bel bid to go. sound disappointing and finally two weeks from now you'll learn this all the last three become sentience refuses to give oral until you clean the kitchen. posts things get more real every day all right that is our shot of the entire episode will be up online any minute youtube dot com slash r t america and on hulu if you want to find out where you got we got all this info go to facebook dot com ciphered acted tonight you can also get it all you can't dot net we are not
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responsible for the crazy crap you send to the cia good night and defining. i would rather ask questions to people in positions of power instead of speaking on their behalf and that's why you can find my show larry king now right here on r.t. question for.
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i marinates join me. for kinda impartial and financial reporting commentary interviews and much much. only on bombast and on. the shelf starforce that. looks at the finish line of the marathon. that. might have been hearing. that.
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was. a ukrainian military transport plane with at least thirty people on board is shot down in the lugansk casualties being reported. the daily news for ukraine is moscow demands at least half of the country's gas that is played while that's the suggest there might be a third party still in the told us. britain's nuclear deterrent could soon be contracted to the united states with getting no you say on the independence of the country's atomic defense. plus renegade al qaida through iraq baghdad capturing two more cities while the u.s. weighs up military help the crumbling country.


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