♪ if you say yes

[ cheers and applause ] that was beautiful. [ cheers and applause ]

[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice! hey, everybody! thanks for coming out tonight. welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon!" oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] gonna have fun. gonna have fun tonight, you guys. hey -- >> audience member: jimmy! >> jimmy: everyone -- nice to see you, sir. [ laughter ] "jimmy!" welcome, my friend. everybody in new york city is still talking about tim tebow coming to the jets. [ cheers and applause ] and listen to this. apparently tebow's looking for a house in the same neighborhood where jets quarterback mark sanchez lives. yeah, it's right at the intersection of "awkward" and "yikes." [ laughter ] speaking of tim tebow, a strip club here in new york is -- [ laughter and applause ] ♪

true story. >> steve: oh, wait, what? >> jimmy: a strip club, here in new york -- >> steve: right. >> jimmy: is offering to give tebow his first lap dance for free. [ light laughter ] yeah, it'll be the first time where the customer is the one who keeps yelling, "no touching.! "no touching!" [ laughter ] nope. here's an election update. yesterday, newt gingrich said he's not backing out of the gop race. you can tell. i mean, when gingrich backs out, you usually hear this -- [ truck backing up beeps ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is weird, you guys. burger king is now selling lamb-burgers in the uk. mcdonald's might also, just so they can use the slogan, "ba da ba ba bah-hh-hh." [ laughter ] [ truck backing up beeps ]

some celebrity news, you guys. over the weekend, lady gaga -- [ laughter ] some celebrity news, over the weekend, lady gaga tweeted a picture of herself without wearing any makeup. so it's your move, seacrest. [ laughter ] [ scattered boos ] whoa! hey! whoa! whoa, whoa! >> steve: don't go jokin' 'bout seacrest! >> jimmy: check this out. a woman here in new york claims that her blind date stole her iphone and her wallet. she was like, "i have to have that iphone back. i mean, what if he calls? [ laughter ] we had something together." [ light laughter ]

i just saw this. a court in japan is ordering google to stop its autocomplete search function. yeah, i was reading the full story and it made me so "mad men" season 5! autocomplete, you ruined my monologue now too! [ laughter and applause ] [ truck backing up beeps ] >> steve: i like the rear view mirror joke. >> jimmy: yeah, i was using the rearview mirror. yeah. >> steve: make sure you see -- >> jimmy: yeah. -- backing up. >> steve: yeah, yeah. [ truck backing up beeps ] >> steve: what if it had one of those new, in-dash cameras >> jimmy: or, when you're in england. then, you go this way. >> steve: oh yeah. [ truck backing up beeps ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and finally, this week a man wearing a batman costume was pulled over while driving a lamborghini.

though i think the real story here is that a grown man who owns a batman costume can actually afford a lamborghini. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we have a huge show tonight. one of our favorite guests, shaquille o'neal is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] the place with all the bass. he's the greatest. we love that guy. she's one of the hottest rising stars out there. gosh we love her. she's so cute. she's really good and she's in that new movie "mirror, mirror." lily collins is here, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] she's gonna be big. she is big. and we got an amazing performance from andrew bird tonight, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] good times. hey guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making

headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here they -- ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, we will be taking a look at the "pros and cons" of tim tebow coming to new york. [ laughter ] he's the newest member of the new york jets. it's causing a lot of excitement and some controv-ersy. [ laughter ] either way, it should be an interesting season. so, let's take a look at the "pros and cons" of tim tebow coming to new york. here we go. pro, tim tebow could take the jets all the way! [ cheers and applause ] con, but first they have to get married. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: -- you have to get married first. a man of his word. >> steve: put a ring on it >> jimmy: yep. [ laughter ] pro, he got out of denver, where he was overshadowed by a manning.

con, he's coming to new york, where he'll be overshadowed by a manning. [ laughter and applause ] eli -- pro, tebow sees a lot of similarities between god and the jets. con, for both, sunday is their day of rest. [ laughter ] >> steve: you got it right. >> jimmy: not this year. not this year. >> steve: yeah, no. >> jimmy: this is the year. pro, in new york, tebow will be exposed to hundreds of sights, sounds and smells he could have never have imagined before. [ laughter ] con, and that's just from one taxi ride. that's it. [ laughter ] that's it. it's amazing how fast -- >> steve: it's a world of wonder. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a whole different -- ♪ it's a whole new world [ laughter ] --- place i never knew ♪ ♪ >> steve: fondue? >> jimmy: what is that? >> steve: what did you say? >> jimmy: fondue? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: ♪ they're fat free cheeses in this fondue ♪ [ light laughter ] >> steve: a-ha! >> audience members: we love you! >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. you guys.

clay aiken just walked in the room. >> steve: are you serious? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: i thought it was -- >> jimmy: yeah, they love him. they love him. yeah. [ laughter ] here we go. [ laughter ] all right, here we go. what did you say? >> steve: i said i thought it was his brother. dick aiken. [ laughter ] richard aiken is his brother. [ laughter ] is that not his brother? >> jimmy: no, it might be his brother. i don't think it's him though. >> steve: i don't know. i'm just a searcher. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: there we go. "pros and cons." pro, going to church has convinced him there's a heaven. con, going to port authority has convinced him there's a hell. i can see that. [ cheers and applause ] ever been to port authority? rough place. nice place. >> steve: lovely place. >> jimmy: yeah. pro, with tebow onboard, the jets will be playing with a ton of extra heart. cons, "extra heart" is dick cheney's new secret service code name. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: makes sense. pro, it takes more than one player to win a super bowl title. con, it takes more than ten players to help rex ryan onto his feet after he tebows. [ laughter ] "help me up, damn it!" "all right, chill, man." and finally, pro, new yorkers can't remember the last time they were this excited about an athlete in their city. con, to which said, "it was three weeks ago, you jerks!" [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] that's the "pros and cons"! we'll be right back with audience voicemails! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ game announcer ] popped up towards the stands. hey joe, can you talk? sure. your hair -- amazing. thanks to head & shoulders for men. four shampoos that give men game-winning scalp protection, great looking hair... and confidence [ crowd cheering ] [ male announcer ] head & shoulders for men. huge news! [ giggles ] all band-aid® bandages just got better. yay! and still protect from dirt and germs.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you for coming and watching the show and -- you guys, here at "late night", we're always a step ahead when it comes to new technology. you're about to see what i mean. it's time for "audience voicemails." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. i have here the hacker 9,000. [ laughter ] now, what this does it allows us to hack into anyone's phone and listen to their voicemail. this device is so top secret, we're not even supposed to be telling you about it. the only people that have this thing are me and harvey from tmz. [ laughter ] and he doesn't even use it. let me show you how it works, you guys. hey there. >> hey. >> jimmy: want to stand up? >> sure. >> jimmy: what's your name, buddy?

>> dan. >> jimmy: dan? >> yep. >> jimmy: all right. dan, where are you from? >> baldwin. >> jimmy: baldwin? where is baldwin? [ laughter ] >> long island. >> jimmy: i'm sorry? >> long island. >> jimmy: long island, very good. baldwin, long island. dan, all right, very good. dan we're gonna take your phone if you don't mind. >> sure. >> jimmy: place it in the hacker 9,000. [ laughter ] now we will listen to your voicemail on your phone, your most recent one. here we go. >> hey, dan, it's your dad. i was just cleaning out the garage and found a box of your stuff from high school and wasn't sure you wanted me to send it to you over there in baldwin, long island. there's some good stuff in here. there's some real good stuff. your membership to the stamp of the month club. your old marching band uniform. your old orthodontic headgear. it's got a little piece of tuna still stuck in there it looks like. your fourth backup copy of dungeons and dragons. one unused prom ticket. >> jimmy: aww. >> an autographed picture of bill nye the science guy.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey he's cool. he's cool, man. >> and your virginity. [ audience ohs ] just kidding. we all know you've still got that. anyway, dan you know i love you. you're my pride and joy, you're my baby boy. okay. bye bye. >> jimmy: all right. there's your dad. good dad. thanks. that's your voicemail. [ applause ] that's crazy. here we go. what's up buddy? how are you doing? stand up, buddy. how is it going, pal? >> going good. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> billy. >> jimmy: billy, where you from? >> colorado. >> jimmy: colorado. good man. billy, and do you go to school? >> yeah i'm in high school. >> jimmy: what school do you go to? >> chaparral. >> jimmy: chaparral high school? very good. can i see your phone? what, whoa. tiny phone. all right. we're gonna put your tiny phone. i think it works for tiny phones as well. [ laughter ] we're going to put it in the hacker 9,000 and hear your latest voicemail. let's hear this. >> howdy, bill, this is rick from the computer repair shop in colorado. no specific city, but i'm in colorado. [ laughter ] it looks like we're going to need your erase your laptop's

hard drive to keep it alive, which means unfortunately, we'll have to delete a folder listed "do not delete." sorry buddy, but, it contained the following files. 233 photos of emmanuel lewis. [ laughter ] 124 home movies of you singing black eyed peas songs to your cat. [ laughter ] the beginning of a novel called "my eternal boner, the billy story." [ laughter ] a short story, called "boner time, 24/7." and a poem called "sunrise to sunset, my never ending boner." here's the good news, we're going to save all these files by uploading them to a nonsecure totally hackable server. so, call soon, billy from colorado. [ applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. thank you so much. billy you're a good man. [ cheers and applause ] appreciate it, buddy. how you doing, pal? all good? >> how are you? >> jimmy: stand up. hey buddy, what's your name? >> ian. >> jimmy: ian, where are you from? >> islip, long island. >> jimmy: oh, islip, long island. very good. [ laughter ] i thought you were just talking like, zip. thought somebody just froze you for a second, islip, long island. very good. and did you go to school?

>> yes, i did. >> jimmy: where did you go to college? >> i went to -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry? >> suffolk. >> jimmy: suffolk? >> and then ashworth university. >> jimmy: and then ash -- >> ashworth university. >> jimmy: ashworth as well. oh, wow. very good. all right. very good. [ laughter ] no, you're good? all right. now, look, can i see your phone here? >> sure. >> jimmy: oh yeah. oh, you got one of these mofis on there. gives it extra battery life. you use it a lot? >> i do. >> jimmy: what do you use it for? >> just to keep my phone charged. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know. what do you use the phone -- that we have to keep charging it? no big deal. that's fine. [ laughter ] all right. here we go. guy that went to three colleges. [ laughter ] let's put it in the hacker 9,000. let's listen to your latest voicemail. >> hey, ian! it's marshall, man! hey, i was just seeing about the good old day's we used to have at ashworth university. [ laughter ] we used to call it ass worth, remember? oh, man, we were wild.

remember that caveman chant we'd do where i'd yell ooga and you'd yell booga? remember? man, i feel like doing it right now. ooga. >> booga. [ laughter ] >> are you doing it? ooga. come on. >> booga! [ laughter ] >> oh, man. >> jimmy: voicemail. >> i just remembered how stupid you used to sound when you'd do that. [ laughter ] but anyway. >> jimmy: anyway. >> i know your phone's nice and charged up, you got that battery on there, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that sounds crazy, man. >> all things are good bro! take care. >> did you take out the trash? >> shut up, mom! >> jimmy: on the phone. all right. very good. thank you so much. here you go thank you, pal. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. cross over here. do you mind? thank you man, i appreciate it. [ applause ] excuse me, sorry, guys. pardon me, excuse me. how are you guys doing? >> hey. >> jimmy: nice to see you. how are you?

thanks for coming to the program. i appreciate it. [ laughter ] sorry about that it. i apologize. yep. thanks. don't get up. trust me. [ laughter ] yeah, don't worry about that. thanks a lot, buddy very, very good. okay, oh we'll just go with you we'll go with you. why not? stand up. what is your name? >> noel. >> jimmy: noah? why are you from? >> noel. >> jimmy: oh, noel, sorry. noel, where are you from? >> queens. >> jimmy: noel from queens, very, very good. all right noel. place your phone here in the hacker -- what is this guy? is that a phone? [ laughter ] looks like a -- okay. japanese cookie or something. [ laughter ] all right. i think it works for japanese cookies as well. let's put this in here. listen to your voicemail here. >> hey, noel. >> jimmy: rewound the tape somehow on it. >> erotic bakery in queens calling, we have your giant penis cake ready to go. >> jimmy: oh my goodness. >> this is one weird cake you requested. i mean, i've never seen a penis cake with three testicles. but i guess it's based on the picture of the boyfriend. >> jimmy: oh my gosh.

>> i'm just surprised we could fit that many testicles on a giant penis cake. >> jimmy: oh my god this is -- >> by the way, you never did say, did you want a vanilla penis cake or a chocolate penis cake? >> jimmy: all right. thank you buddy. [ laughter ] >> if it's gonna be a chocolate penis cake, man, we're going to need a bigger pan. [ laughter ] >> nice! nice! all right guys. thank you. >> that is true. anyway -- >> jimmy: thank you so much. sorry about that. [ cheers and applause ] i think that sounded like a frat guy. let's do one more, what's up, buddy? how are you doing pal? >> i'm john. >> jimmy: your name is john? >> valparaiso, indiana. >> jimmy: valparaiso, indiana. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you know that? you are very close to him. wondering why the applause and the scream. very good. [ laughter ] very close, he's sitting right behind you, very excited. yeah. all right. now, give me your phone, let's put it in the hacker -- hacker 9,000. let's listen to your voicemail, okay? boop. >> hey, john, i'm calling from the wax palace. this is valparaiso's discount waxing spa and i wanted to

confirm your appointment for the following wax treatments tomorrow. we had you down for a chest wax. a leg wax. a bikini wax. a brazil wax, and i've got some more here. and all the way downtown and back wax. [ laughter ] something called the castro's beard wax and the taint misbehavin' wax. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, very good. >> and two nipple buffs. >> jimmy: all right, thank you. >> and anal bleaching. >> oh, and an anal bleaching. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, thank you. hey, give it up for these folks and this great technology. we'll be right back with shaquille o'neal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ man, i'm glad aflac pays cash. aflac! ha! isn't major medical enough? huh! no! who's gonna help cover the holes in their plans?

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♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: our first guest this evening is a 15-time nba all-star. a league mvp, a four-time nba champion and an olympic gold medalist. please welcome back to our show, the great shaquille o'neal! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ t-shirt and my panties on t-shirt and my panties on t-shirt and my panties on t-shirt and my panties on ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hold on. hold on. >> jimmy: yeah. >> was he just singing "t-shirt and my panties on"? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the last time i -- >> i don't know what you're talking about. >> jimmy: the last time -- last time i ran into you, this happened. you lost a bet. and -- [ laughter ] you lost a bet. >> play that again for me.

that sounded so nice. ♪ ♪ t-shirt and my panties on t-shirt and my panties on t-shirt and my panties on t-shirt and my panties on ♪ ♪ t-shirt and my panties on [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: last time -- we had a bet -- we had bet last time you came on, we played nba jam, download the nba jam on fire -- >> whoa, whoa, whoa. t-shirt and my panties on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. you loved that so much. oh, my god. we got to move on. we got to move on. [ laughter ] oh, my god. t-shirt and my panties on. >> no, 'cause even though there was -- well, first of all, i said speedos and you brought the panties. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. yeah. but still, i had to up the ante a little bit. we said -- yeah, you said speedos and i said -- so we played game and said whoever wins gets -- one guy has to wear a pair of speedos with

the other guy's name written on it and you have to walk a block. and you said a new york city block. >> right. >> jimmy: but we happened to be in indianapolis. so you walked like really three blocks. [ laughter ] in a speedo that had my name on the back of it and you came on to the stage, i couldn't even look down because -- [ laughter ] i don't know what was going on down there and i didn't know -- [ laughter ] and then you -- and then you pulled out a giant sock and gave it to me and then just took off. >> the sock was to keep the anaconda warm. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. don't to me though, though. oh, give me a break. gosh, that was hilarious. but you're a funny dude and you had a big comedy show that weekend in indy. it went great. everyone's talking about it. you're a big comedy guy. >> i love to laugh. >> jimmy: yes. >> been a fan of yours, "taxi driver" is one of my favorite movies. >> jimmy: that's not me. that was robert deniro. >> well taxi whatever. [ laughter ] taxi something. >> jimmy: yeah.

you talkin' to me? you talkin' to me? >> the movie -- taxi something. anyways. >> jimmy: that's just "taxi." not something. it's no nothing. just "taxi." it's real easy. >> okay, "taxi." >> jimmy: just stop there. [ laughter ] oh, man. >> studies show that laughing is a big reliever stress. >> jimmy: yeah. >> growing up, i was the class clown, i just, you know, loved to laugh. i just loved to laugh. >> jimmy: but you're coming out with a youtube channel? >> yes. >> jimmy: which is good. it's call the comedy -- the comedy shaq. >> the comedy shaq. >> jimmy: s-h-a-q. >> s-h-a-q. >> jimmy: yeah. comedy shaq. what does it -- when? april 7th? no, no. no april 7th you have a live show? >> yes. i have a live show in newark, new jersey, comedy show. >> jimmy: and this is a bunch of different comedian get up? >> yes. a bunch of different comedians. a couple years ago, i saw that there was void where, you know, they didn't really have a lot of comedy out there. so, at the all-star i put together a show and it was a hit. and then we tried it again and it was a hit. and i said, let me tape it and sell it. and, you know, every time we do, we sell over 500,000 copies

so -- you know, i now have the number one comedy brand out there, thanks to -- >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] go the youtube channel. when is that coming out? >> youtube channel. we're probably going to do it in july. it's going to be a nonstop 24/7 comedy. we have a lot of content. we have people sending us stuff. we own content. >> jimmy: i'll send you stuff. [ laughter ] >> we're just going to be making people laugh. >> jimmy: think it is funny? i'll send you the outtakes of "taxi driver." you get to see that it would be fantastic. [ laughter ] you know what i thought was funny. the dove care men's -- the dove men's commercials you are doing? >> yes. yes. >> the one with your mom is so funny. and so sweet it's good. >> well, no, the campaign is about being comfortable in your own skin and i've been using dove for a long, long time. ever since they had the big old bar of white soap. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. yeah. [ laughter ] >> been using a long time. >> jimmy: probably got to use like five of those. >> yeah. five of them. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. yeah. [ laughter ] 5:1 ratio. i mean -- we'll get a six pack and call it even.

take care, man. [ laughter ] >> so, i was at the house shooting a commercial, my mother likes to stop in every now and then, just to say hi. she lives right around the corner from me. so, she was on her way to church and she came in. i asked her, you know, to do it with me. now they say it is one of the number one rated commercials of the year. >> jimmy: it's hilarious. no, someone sent it to me. i go -- i love it. it's great. the other one i love is you showing how you're coaching your son's basketball team. you don't -- you're not necessarily the coach. >> i'm a coach but i'm like a big boy toy 'cause, you know. the -- you know, all the kids, i'm coach but i'm still shaq and -- you know, i speak the juvenile delinquent language. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i know how to -- i know how to make them work hard without them even knowing it. >> jimmy: like, what techniques do you have? >> my favorite technique is this technique here, so, say we are down by 10 and i'll call the time out. "time out. guys if you win this game i'll take you to hooters." [ laughter ] you should do it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: they all do it. they work hard. serious focus.

yeah. >> defense. everything. yeah. >> jimmy: shaq, we love you. want to know if you want to play a game when we come back. do you mind? >> if my man sing that song one more time. >> jimmy: you got it. more with shaq when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i am going to become facebook friends with our babysitter. no. these work, right? no. all right. mom! look what i found in the shed! no! no! no! ♪ ew! were you guys just making out in here? what? no! is it okay if i quit my job and start a blog? no. really? cold cuts from a package? yes. [ male announcer ] in a world filled with "no," it's nice to finally say "yes." new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives. it's yes food.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody, we are back with one of nba's all-time greats and good friend of the show. the legendary shaquille o'neal right there. [ cheers and applause ] we love you. shaq, i wanted to challenge to you a round of hallway golf here at the studio 6b golf course. it's indoor golf. are you much of a golfer? >> i played golf one time and i beat the terrible charles barkley, then i retired. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the terrible charles barkley. >> his swing is the worst swing in golf history. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it that bad? >> yeah, it's terrible. terrible. >> jimmy: it's terrible. that's just terrible. you beat him? >> oh yeah. i beat him. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. then retired. do you want to play me in this? >> sure. >> jimmy: now, look, i want to put a little wager on this guy, if you don't mind. what? were you going to say something? >> no more. ♪ t-shirt and my panties on no more of that. >> jimmy: no, no. i'm not -- i'm not doing that.

[ talking over each other ] >> no more of that. >> jimmy: all right. all right. all right. i got it. [ laughter ] the thing is -- here's the wager i think. whoever wins -- i'm going start moving on this guy. whoever wins -- whoever wins -- i don't know if i can make this turn. whoever wins has to next time they are on television -- i will be on television tomorrow night. when are you on next? >> wednesday and thursday. >> jimmy: wednesday night and thursday. so wednesday night you say -- when it cuts you have to say -- i'm jimmy fallon. >> or i do -- >> jimmy: then when i -- then when i come out onstage. i'm shaquille o'neal, but you can't tell the audience why. >> all right, deal. >> jimmy: is that good? >> no problem. >> jimmy: you'll do it. i love it. all right. good. let's do this. all right let's go. [ cheers and applause ] here you go buddy. all right. shaq, would you like to go first or do you want me to go first? there's a couple of sand traps here. >> all right, which way does the golf course go? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, look. here's the way. so, here's the deal.

says lowest score wins. we're going to play down this hallway. it hooks, a dog leg left into the studio to see the crowd. >> all right. >> jimmy: okay. and see who can sink their putt. watch your head please. >> okay. >> jimmy: and you want to tee off, or want me to tee off? >> i'll go first. >> jimmy: watch out. there's like, fire alarms and stuff over your head. shaq. [ laughter ] i was going to say i like your blue ball. >> oh. [ laughter ] i get a practice swing? [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: oh. >> sorry. sorry. all right i go first. ready? >> jimmy: yep. hey, that's pretty good. [ applause ] hey wait shaq. wait for me. [ laughter ] all right. [ laughter ] please don't do that. ♪ t-shirt and

my panties on ♪ >> jimmy: no, no. no, don't sing that. don't sing that. don't sing that standing behind me, please. thank you. [ laughter ] oh, that was awful. that was -- oh, stop it. you don't go that crazy. all right, here we go. i'm going to try to loop this to the -- >> wait it's my turn. >> jimmy: i know, but i'm farthest away so i go. >> no. no. no. that's not how it -- no. [ laughter ] my turn. i'm going down here. >> jimmy: no wonder why you beat charles barkley. >> right here? >> jimmy: that way. that's right. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] right behind you. now you go again. all right, here we go. i'm coming in. i'm coming in. watch out, shaq. [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] here we go. all right. now we're coming in the back. oh, look at my shot! oh my gosh. you're going to have to tell -- wait, i'm charles barkley. and you go, and i'm jimmy fallon. [ laughter ] >> if you win. my shot? >> jimmy: yeah. what's the score? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: what's the score now? [ audience oohs ] shaq further away? >> it's that damn bad luck song. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not a bad luck song. you like that song. that's good luck. >> listen, i watch your show every night. if i ever hear that song again -- [ laughter ] calling you out. >> jimmy: oh my god! >> first thing smoking. i'll be like, t-shirt and what? >> jimmy: oh no! okay. okay. okay. >> say it again. t-shirt and what? [ applause ] don't miss.

don't miss. [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was unbelievable. that was a record shot. [ sad tuba ] oh my gosh, i can't wait. wednesday night. wednesday night. you got to check out shaquille o'neal. we love him. lily collins joins us after break. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ is that rain? [siri] yes, it appears to be raining. oooh...let's get tomato soup delivered. [siri] i found a number of restaurants [siri] whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. good, 'cause i don't wanna put on real shoes. remind me to clean up...tomorrow. [siri] ok, i'll remind you. excellent. today, we're dancing.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: you guys know our next guest from movies like "the blind side" and "abduction." look at -- look at how pretty she is there, "seventeen." oh, she's gorgeous. "nylon" magazine. all these magazine covers. yep. she's the one everyone's talking about. starting friday, you can see her as snow white opposite julia roberts in the new movie "mirror, mirror." say hello to lily collins, you guys! ♪ look in my mirror won't you look in my mirror stare in my mirror ♪ ♪ won't you look in my mirror ♪ >> jimmy: yes, please have a seat. >> wow. >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. >> this is awesome. >> jimmy: welcome to our show. >> i'm so excited! >> jimmy: oh, so excited to have

you here. >> this is so awesome. >> jimmy: oh, come on. >> it's the infamous set. i'm just so excited. >> jimmy: oh my gosh! you like it? you like the show? >> i love it! of course. >> jimmy: oh, good. we met once before. >> we did, at the met ball. >> jimmy: we were at the beautiful ball. >> the beautiful ball. two years ago. i met with you kristin stewart, which is kind of funny -- >> jimmy: right. >> being as that we're both snow white. >> jimmy: that is right. >> i -- we were -- i remember that -- i think katy perry was like running through one of the halls with her light up dress and you were -- >> jimmy: her dress lit up with, like, christmas lights. >> her -- yeah, yeah. and you guys were like -- kind of yelling at each other across the hall and kristin and i came in and it was like -- "jimmy fallon and katy perry, what am i doing here?" you know? and i went up to you and i -- and i shook your hand and i was like, "jimmy, big fan. i want to be on your show one day." you were like, "yeah, come on tomorrow." i was like, "really?" you were like, "yeah." and -- >> jimmy: oh, come on! i don't talk like that. "hey, man! yeah, come on tomorrow!" that's not what i sound like at all. [ laughter ] you gotta get a better impression. it was probably like -- [ elegant tone ] "well, please, just call my -- and then we'll figure something out." [ light laughter ] >> [ british accent ]

"yes, please call the show tomorrow. yes." >> jimmy: "yes, that would be absolutely -- be right on time." >> you were so friendly. you were so awesome. >> jimmy: oh, good. well, thank you for -- now you're here. >> now i'm here! >> jimmy: so you predicted it. it's like -- >> i sent out good vibes. >> jimmy: really -- it's like a secret. >> it's a secret. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. uh -- >> jimmy: and thanks for coming here. i mean, you must be -- >> oh my gosh, no. i took the first flight out. got two hours of sleep. that's what you do for jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: oh, come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> no. my gosh. >> jimmy: oh my god, is it weird to see -- you're on all these covers. magazine covers. have you seen these yet? >> it's a little -- i have seen them. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> a little trippy. it's very -- yeah, it's like i go to my local supermarket and i know all the people that work there and they didn't know what i did though. they didn't know that i acted. so, all of a sudden, i walk in, like, "hey!" like, "how are you?" and they're like, "you're on the magazine. did you know that?" [ laughter ] i'm like -- i was like -- >> jimmy: "can i get a gatorade, please? i just want a --" >> it's a little -- it's a little weird but, you know, it is an honor to be -- it's so cool. >> jimmy: i mean, "mirror, mirror." this movie's giant. it's -- >> i'm very excited. >> jimmy: you're snow white. >> i'm snow white. i've been asked so much recently though, like, "were you nervous to take on such an iconic role?" and like, it's such a big deal and -- like, "how do you prepare?"

i think if i'd been asked all these questions before i went and shot, i would be a nervous wreck during the filming. but i was just so excited and so honored and now, julia and i have been asked these questions and we've both looked at each other and we're like, "thank goodness the film's shot already because i think we'd probably be --" >> jimmy: yeah. >> really nervous going into it now. yeah. >> jimmy: "oh my gosh. i can't say a different word that snow white wouldn't have said." >> i know. exactly. >> jimmy: but it's good and it's funny and it's -- you get to work with julia roberts, which is awesome. >> i know! she's -- and she's so amazing. she's so sweet. and she's -- >> jimmy: never met her. i've never met -- i think i like ran into her one -- at one party. something like that. and i was like -- [ obnoxious ] "hey, what's up? how are you? you wanna come on the show?" [ laughter ] >> oh, no. i'm never gonna live that down now. maybe the first thing you should know about me. i don't normally do impressions, so -- >> jimmy: well, that's a pretty good, there. >> -- even doing my mom, i'd be like, "yeah lily, what's up?" [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you would not do that, >> no, i would do that. i would. >> jimmy: but -- how was -- >> yeah. but no, working with julia is awesome. she is first and foremost a mom and her kids were on set. they'd hide under her dress. like, 'cause her dress is -- you needed 20 people to carry her dresses and --

little kids would like be dancing underneath. and you'd like lift it up and they'd pop out and -- it was kinda funny. >> jimmy: she sounds like a cartoon character. yeah, it's hilarious. >> no, she's so sweet and she -- she's just so giving as an actor. like, she came in on her last day of work, just for my close-up. >> jimmy: is that right? >> i was like, "thank you." and she goes, "why are you thanking me? it's my job." >> jimmy: see, a lot of people don't do that. >> but you're julia, you know? >> jimmy: if you don't know this, like, a lot of these big celebrities will like -- if there's a close-up of like me, like queen latifah would come in -- >> right. >> jimmy: and do the -- you know, i was in "taxi driver" with queen latifah. >> right. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yeah, right? >> jimmy: she would come in -- and she -- -- back of queen latifah's head. so, it could be a stand-in or something like that. if you're a big star, you're like, "i don't wanna do my close-ups." >> no, there are people that will be like, "i --" you know, "what's the point?" and i was like, "thank you so much." and she's like, "stop thanking me." like, "you're awesome." >> jimmy: yeah, like a big star, julia roberts doesn't have to do that but she does it. >> exactly. >> jimmy: see, those are the real people out there. that's what -- that's why you should go see this movie, "mirror, mirror," you guys. 'cause the nice people in this movie. the good -- they deserve it. [ cheers and applause ]

i wanna show everyone a clip. >> yes. >> jimmy: from the movie "mirror, mirror," here's lily collins, you guys. >> you can't fight. >> why not? >> 'cause you're a girl. i don't fight girls. [ sounds of battle ] >> the queen has you in her claw. can't you see she's manipulated you? >> that is absurd. the queen would be just fine if you and your friends stopped robbing her. yield. >> should we help her? >> eh -- she's doing pretty good on her own. >> jimmy: there you go. that's what i'm talking about. come on, pal. [ cheers and applause ] "mirror, mirror" is in theatres everywhere on friday. lily collins, everybody. andrew bird performs next. thank you so much for coming on. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest just scored the best chart debut of his career with his sixth solo album, "break it yourself." tonight, he's here to perform the song "eyeoneye." please welcome back to the show andrew bird! [ cheers and applause ] >> 1, 2, 3, 4. ♪ ♪

♪ go ahead and congratulate yourself give yourself a hand a hand is yours ♪ ♪ when the eye that eyes itself is your eye and the ear that hears itself is near ♪ ♪ and you're getting too close you're getting too close ♪ ♪ you're getting too close to your source ♪ ♪ you've done the impossible now took yourself apart ♪ ♪ made yourself invulnerable no one can break your heart ♪ ♪ so you break it yourself bringing your own break it yourself ♪ ♪ bringing your own

break it yourself bringing your own but break it yourself ♪ ♪ bringing your own but break it yourself bringing your own ♪ [ whistling ] ♪ ♪ go ahead and re-eyeoneyez yourself give yourself a hand a hand is yours ♪ ♪ and you go ahead and bring it all go ahead and stretch it all go ahead and read inside ♪ ♪ oh dare to protest it makes this boy and girl, two eyes ♪

♪ through a ragin' wall of sand that's a hundred stories high and you re-eyeoneye-oneye ♪ ♪ oneye-oneyez ♪ and it's eyeoneye-oneye oneye-oneye-oneye-oneyez all this time it took to realize ♪ ♪ that you could use some help bringing your heart breaking the shell ♪ ♪ bringing your heart breaking the shell bringing your heart but break it yourself ♪ ♪ bringing your heart but break it yourself bringing your heart but break it yourself ♪ ♪ go ahead and defibrillate yourself