special k never let the summer catch you down ♪ ♪ never let your thoughts run free even while their numbers draw y out ♪ everything i want is free you're not me and never ever will you ever be ♪ ♪ i'm gonna find you and never run against i'm gonna find you 'til the end ♪ ♪ 'til the end 'til the end ♪ ♪ never let the summer catch you down never let your thoughts run free ♪

♪ even while their numbers call you out everything i want is free everything i want is free ♪ ♪ everything i want is free everything i want is free you're free with me free you're free with me ♪ ♪ free you're free with me you're free with me whoa-oh-oh ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: smashing pumpkins. nice job, gentlemen. thanks, guys. thank you, thank you so much. i want to thank my guests kirsten dunst, chris matthews and the smashing pumpkins. tomorrow night, howie mandel will be here. but, jimmy fallon's happening right now. jimmy, take it! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much.

what a great new york city crowd right there. thank you guys, for being here. thank you for watching. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. hey, here is some political news. you guys, cnn plans to air a 90 minute documentary on mitt romney before the republican national convention. yeah, 90 minutes of mitt romney. [ laughter ] even red bull is like, "this is out of my league, bro." i can't help ya. i can only do so much. speaking of the campaign, i read that president obama's supporters can now text the word "give" to donate up to $50 to his campaign. though it's frustrating when autocorrect keeps changing it to, "fix the economy." [ laughter ] it's frustrating. frustrating. [ cheers and applause ] guys, listen to this. i don't know what to make of this. the oxford english dictionary has added the word "ridic" to its online edition. when english teachers heard that, they were like, "that is redonk." [ laughter ]

check this out, you guys. a new report found -- [ laughter ] this is redonkulous. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: a new report found that full-frontal nudity on prime time tv has increased 6,000% over the last year. [ cheers and applause ] especially on that one sitcom, "the fresh prince harry." have you seen that? [ in english accent ] a game of billiards? >> steve: oh, yes. where's my stick? >> jimmy: listen to this. new research found that people who wake up early are more productive than people who sleep in. or as congress put it, "is it noon already?" [ laughter and applause ] this is interesting. historians in the u.k. believe that two of the figures in da vinci's painting "the last supper" are actually self-portraits of da vinci. da vinci really loved to put himself in paintings.

take a look at this other piece that was just discovered. you see, if you can look real hard, you can see him playing poker with the dogs. this inice. steve: that's da vinci. leonardo da vinci. >> jimmy: that's him way back in the day. yeah. >> steve: yeah. he played poker with dogs. >> jimmy: this is very nice. a man in pennsylvania celebrated his 80th birthday by riding a rollercoaster 80 times. of course, no one had the heart to tell him he was actually just sitting in one of those brookstone massage chairs. [ laughter ] "i want to go again." "okay, grandpa. just press the button." [ laughter ] get this, a prison in france says that its inmates were using the communal garden to grow marijuana. officials knew something was up when one inmate broke out of jail just because he heard the mcrib was back at mcdonald's. [ laughter ] and finally, a man in california only suffered minor injuries after he became trapped inside a manhole for 24 hours. yeah, a full day spent inside a manhole or as proctologists call that, "tuesday." there you go. we have a great show tonight,

you guys. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the ros. we have big show happening tonight. this guy is a legend. we are so happy to have him on the show. spike lee is in the house tonight! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: great dude. plus a hilarious comedian with really funny new movie called "sleepwalk with me." mike birbiglia is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and he is the man behind one of my favorite restaurants here in new york city. gramercy tavern's chef michael anthony is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to have some type of cook off. hey guys, it's time for "late night" hash tags. here we go. ♪ hash tags hash tags hash tags hash tags hash tags ♪

>> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topics and you send in the tweets. so since the school year is just starting up, i went on twitter and i started a hash tag called "my crazy teacher." and i asked you guys at home to tweet out something funny or weird about one of your teachers. i tweeted out, i had a teacher for social studies, mr. ermin. and he was my favorite, he was the best, but he's very weird. and he would -- one day i was just day dreaming, i was looking out the window, and he's like, "you want to go out there?" i go, "yeah." and he gave me a hall pass and goes, "all right, go." [ laughter ] i just went outside, and i kind of got bored. i was like, i was looking in at my class, and i was like from outside and i go, "can i come back in?" he was like, "yeah, i guess." it was just weird, i was like -- >> steve: what a great lesson. that's a good lesson. >> jimmy: yeah. go for it man -- day dreaming. but anyways, we got thousands of tweets from you guys. in fact, in less than 30 minutes, it was a trending topic in the united states. which is awesome. >> steve: yeah, come on. >> jimmy: so, thank you for the tweets, you guys are the best. so now i thought i'd share some of my favorite "my crazy teacher" tweets from you guys. here we go.

this first one is from @kylaurmis. he says, "my high school teacher once came to school wearing his wife's pants, he didn't realize until fifth or sixth period." [ laughter ] this one is from @spellmegan. she says, "my third grade teacher made us learn the canadian national anthem just in case." in case of what? [ laughter ] why would you have to know the canadian national anthem? >> steve: in case they take over our country? >> jimmy: this one is from @cathforreals. she says, "my science teacher used to eat chalk to prove it was safe." i actually wasn't wondering, but thank you. i appreciate that. "really safe to eat --" this one is from @missieskies. she says, "in second grade, i heard my teacher telling the sub 'if the kids misbehave, just pretend to cry, they fall for it every time.'" [ audience ohs ] that's weird. that's weird. this one is from @juliehanlon. she says, "first thing my geography teacher told us, 'every beat your heart takes you're one beat closer to death. we were 12.'" [ laughter ]

that is pretty grim. one beat closer to death. >> steve: just so you kids know. every heart beat, one step closer to death. i'm wearing women's pants. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one from @mammajammapudding. so if you're thinking of taking that name, it's taken. sorry guys. mamma jamma pudding. she says, "he would write things backwards on his shirt and body slam the chalkboard so it showed up forwards." [ laughter ] >> steve: aw -- >> jimmy: 10 times 10 is boom! 100. that's pretty clever actually. weird. this one is from @mistercobra. he says, "we were informed that river levels were rising, and my teacher laughed and quietly said 'good place to hide the bodies.'" [ laughter ] creepy dude. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: this one is from @7goslings. she says, "my teacher pulled me aside at the end of the year and

told me, 'you're my favorite, paula.' which is nice except my name is lisa." [ laughter ] paula is her favorite. this last one is actually from a teacher. it's from @samanthaamazing. she says, "i would like to request that none of my students participate in jimmy fallon's 'my teacher is crazy' game. i'll be watching." [ laughter ] there you go. there you have it. tonight's "late night" hash tags. to check out more of our favorites go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hashtags stick around be right back with more "late night" everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [beach sounds] ♪[music plays]♪ ♪[music plays]

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. and thanks again for watching us. if you guys -- if you guys are following the presidential race, you know there is a lot of news stories out there about how

mitt romney is out of touch with the american people and especially with the younger voters. some people think he's stiff and boring and that he needs to loosen up. well romney is not too happy about this. so to prove that he is not out of touch he started making this weekly video blog or vlog, where he tries to appeal to the younger voters. apparently he records it on his web cam and he even edits it himself. we have the first one here right here. we're going to debut it, check this out. [ beep ] >> wazzup, internet. this is mitt romney here with my new rom bomb video vlog blog. this is my way to connect with the young voters so you can see the real mitt. i'm here in my office/hang out den. [ robotic laughter ] and i'm ready to just kick back, relax, and show you how loose and cool i am. let's do it, baby. ♪ now here is a few fun facts

about me. i once had a dog name shamus. [ bark ] one time i did strap him to the roof of my car, but that was like 30 years ago. old news, bro. i have five sons, i know total sausage festival. [ robotic laughter ] i like pizza, unless that's something you don't like. in which case i also dislike pizza. unless you like it. in which case i love pizza. ♪ do you guys like video games? because i love call of duty. the fun thing about it is that you can play people online and make up any user name you want. my user name is mitt romney. i'm sure you dudes are excited about my running mate, mr. shu from glee. i'm just joshing. [ robotic laughter ] no, i think paul ryan is going to make a great president -- vice president i mean. he will make a great vice president. i, mitt romney will make a great vice president -- president. time to put an end to the obama vice presidency -- obama presidency.

time to put a new president in charge, president ryan. romney. ♪ ♪ i'm a super freak super freak the good kind of super freak ♪ you can also check me out on pinterest. i just pinned a new style, men's pleated khakis from -- i feel the need, the need for pleats. now it's time for wtf. well that's funky. ♪ guess who just discovered automatic tuning? me. [ auto tuned voice ] ♪ my name is mitt romney i am running for president of the united states of the future ♪ well that's funky. have you guys seen the new bruno molly loafers? $425, bro. cheap!

and now let's take a look at some tweets on the twitter. sign in, username, and password, ann, what is my password? what the hell is captcha? hudurfa z85 rigulab. what kind of devil writing is this? okay. now it's time for romney's rant corner. [ ahh! ] ♪ this weeks rant is on people who listen to their diskman's too soft. blast that diskman. blast that walkman. crank up that l.l. cool bean. siri, can you bring me a glass of water? [ in spanish accent ] >> here you go senor mitt. >> that you siri. all right, gang, that's all i got this week. see you next time on the rom bom video blog vlog. peace. [ cheers and applause ] >> stop web camera, stop video camera, stop web camera. stop internet camera, stop web camera. siri, can you stop web camera? ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you have it, guys. the rom bom video vlog blog. stick around, be right back with spike lee! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award nominated writer and director who has given us quintessential american films such as "do the right thing" and "malcolm x." his new film "red hook summer" is currently in select theaters. please welcome to the show a talented artist and great new yorker. here's spike lee! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> the roots! >> jimmy: you're familiar with that group. >> yes, they're in one of my films. >> jimmy: yeah, they are. >> we won't say the name of the group they played though. >> jimmy: no -- you can't. >> not tonight. how you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing great. thank you for being here. we've always wanted to have you on the show, since we started. >> everything's timing. i'm glad to be here. you're doing a great job. you know, i watch before i go to bed. >> jimmy: thank you, my friend. i appreciate that. you know we have a little in common, that we were both born in brooklyn. >> what neighborhood -- i wasn't born in brooklyn. >> jimmy: oh, you weren't? you were raised in brooklyn? >> yeah, i was born in atlanta, georgia. we moved when i was really young. where in brooklyn were you born? >> jimmy: like -- >> what neighborhood? >> jimmy: sunset park. >> sunset park? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you go to high school in brooklyn? >> jimmy: no, i'm not really from brooklyn. [ laughter ] my birth certificate says i'm from brooklyn. and then i moved out when i was like two. >> so long island? >> jimmy: no, i went to upstate new york. saugerties. >> cool. [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, great place to grow up. you just grew up in brooklyn -- >> right. >> jimmy: -- your whole life. >> right. >> jimmy: what did you think of this?

because i know what you're going to say, i think. >> new york knicks, baby. >> jimmy: hey, come on, i got to ask. >> orange and blue. i can't do it. >> jimmy: you can't do it? >> i can't do it. >> jimmy: you can't because you're just too into knicks. you're just one of the knicks. >> my office in brooklyn -- three blocks away from barkley cent. i casee it. i'm going to go there, but i'm blue. can't do it. >> jimmy: you can't do it. >> can't do it. >> jimmy: that's much you're a fan. but it's right there. it's right next to you. >> doesn't matter. i was at game seven, willis reed. >> jimmy: yeah. where you there? >> may 8th, 1970. i was 13-years-old. >> jimmy: really? >> fourth nba championship. i'm not going to give up that for -- >> jimmy: yeah, i guess because it's -- >> i just can't do it. >> jimmy: all right, good. i like it because i see you all the time on the sidelines. is it cold in the court because you're always dressed like it's cold. [ laughter ] it must be cold. ok at that. i got another one over here. >> whoa, whoa, whoa. look at that guy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it must be -- it's like -- it's like -- >> no, they got that ice down for the rangers. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. they do. >> the rangers, they got the ice down. >> jimmy: but it's not -- you're not in siberia. i mean, look at this. [ laughter ] >> my wife, she didn't like that hat, my wife. >> jimmy: i like that. >> -- hated that hat.

>> jimmy: but i always see you going to the knicks, and i love that. i remember, i was at a game where they retired patrick ewing's jersey. >> right. >> jimmy: and he talked about you in his speech. do you remember that? >> i got my season tickets the day after we got patrick ewing in the lottery. so, every year i worked myself down. i didn't start of court side. >> jimmy: that's what he said. he said, when i started here, spike you were up in the cheaper seats. >> well, he didn't know me then, but -- >> jimmy: yeah, exactly, yeah. >> but i'm just happy that -- >> jimmy: what are we going to do this year? what are we going to do? >> we're going to be all right. there talking that -- over there. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. that's philly over there. >> philly's in the house, but that's all right. philadelphia -- >> jimmy: the lakers are going to be unbelievable. >> well, yeah, but the phillies ain't doing that good this year. >> questlove: really? [ light laughter ] >> they got -- >> jimmy: no, get back questlove. just causing trouble. >> no, i'm very -- this will be a great nba season. the lakers got -- not

shenanigans, but shenanigans. they got dwight howard, but -- >> jimmy: yeah, how does that even happen? >> yes, they always -- >> jimmy: good word, yeah. >> mikan, chamberlain, jabbar, shaquille o'neil, and now it's dwight howard. >> jimmy: that's great. >> they get the best seven. >> jimmy: i like your shirt, by the way. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're doing a documentary on him, right? >> i just finished it, a featured documentary on the making of michael jackson's "bad" album. and my man questlove was -- so thank you for doing interviews and great -- he's not just a great musician, he's a musical story, and they knew everything about the album the day it was released. the musicians, so he was -- thanks for being part ofhat. >> jimmy: why "bad?" why that album out of all of them? >> well, because -- >> jimmy: just because he has glow in the dark socks. >> no, this -- [ light laughter ] no, this august 31st is going to be the 20th anniversary of the "bad" album being released, so that's why. >> jimmy: i printed out the stars but i didn't realize how great that record is. of course, i have it, but "bad," that was a hit. "the way you make me feel." >> five number one singles, consecutive. with -- "thriller" didn't even

have that. >> jimmy: that's -- yeah, that's right. "thriller" didn't have that. >> didn't have it. >> jimmy: "speed demon," i remember the video with the rabbit. >> right. >> jimmy: "liberian girl," i don't remember that one. >> that's not a good video. [ laughter ] you don't remember the song or you don't remember the video? >> jimmy: i don't remember the song or the video. >> oh. >> jimmy: yeah, so yeah. >> you slept on that one. >> jimmy: "just good friends," i don't remember that one at all. >> no, that's not the one, no. >> jimmy: "another part of me," i remember from "captain eo," right? >> exactly. >> jimmy: it was a 3-d thing. it was awesome. i was like, that's the first 3-d i think i've ever seen, besides those cheap ones where you put the blue and red glasses on. the guy would take a pool stick and went, like, whoo. [ laughter ] "man in the mirror" is my favorite. >> right. >> jimmy: that's my favorite, ever. "i just can't stop loving you," i like that one too. >> that was the first single. >> jimmy: that was the first one? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'd think it would be "bad." >> he went with siedah garrett, it was supposed to be whitney -- whitney houston's first. the record company squashed it. >> jimmy: what? >> clive davis said, nah, it ain't happening. >> jimmy: you know, i kissed clive davis on the cheek once. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it was a

mistake. >> how was it? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nice cologne, yeah, yeah, yeah. no, i saw him at this restaurant, and i said -- i went over. i never met him before, and i said, "hey, clive." and he goes -- he was sitting there and he goes -- i thought -- he put his face out, but i thought he wanted me -- [ laughter ] i went down. i kissedim on the cheek, and he was like, "what?" he goes -- and i go -- >> no record deal for you. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> you get no record deal. >> jimmy: i thought you wanted me to kiss you. >> no record deal. >> jimmy: i know, it's awful. it's weird. let's talk about "red hook summer." >> "red hook summer." >> jimmy: "red hook summer." and i like that you ended up distributing this yourself. >> and financing myself, too. >> jimmy: why? >> had to get done. >> jimmy: gosh, you -- but, you work so hard, crazy. you're doing this all -- >> look, if you can't put your own money in your work then what's the purpose? >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so, but why didn't you just gamble other people's money? [ laughter ] isn't that better? >> we wanted to get the film made, and th was the only "red hook summer" was getting made, for me to write the checks. >> jimmy: and it's a good story. do you want explain to everyone what it's about? >> yeah, it's about this kid,

13-years-old, who's growing up in suburban atlanta. he's at the age where he's acting up, being raised by a single mom because his father just died in afghanistan. and his mother sends him from suburban atlanta to the projects in red hook, brooklyn to meet his grandfather for the first time who is a fire and brimstone baptist preacher. so it's like a -- >> jimmy: it's not going to be a fun summer for him? no, he's not looking forward to it. >> it's both. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i wrote it with james mcbride, and we're very happy. we're getting the word out, banging the drum. >> jimmy: you got to do it. >> grassroots. >> jimmy: one man band, i love it. but then, the kid, he meets a girl his age, and then she kind of shows him howun -- >> yeah, her name is chazz. the interesting thing, real quick, is that the three leads, of the child actors -- they all went to my old junior high school. there's a great teacher there, drama teacher, named mredwin robinson. so i wrote the script. i know i could sit in the back to his class, eventually i'll be able to get the people, the three leads in the film. and that's what happened. >> jimmy: no way.

>> yeah. >> jimmy: hey, giving it back, paying it forward. >> i forgot the name of the school, but -- they changed the name. it was so bad when i went there that they changed the name. ronald l. emerson, 14 brooklyn corner, carleton avenue. >> jimmy: good god. >> that's where i found the leads. >> jimmy: wow, and i got to say, mookie makes a cameo. >> yes, mookie is still delivering pizzas, sal's famous, after all these years. >> jimmy: after all these years, he's still delivering pies. >> but, you know, sal's famous got burned down. and so sal, not seeing -- justification was coming, he left and went to red hook, but he didn't take mookie with him. but he couldn't find people to deliver pizzas the way mookie did. so mookie said, i'll back on one condition. the condition was that sal come back you got to put some brothers and sisters on the wall. sal said yes and mookie is still delivering pizzas 27 years later. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's the back story. [ applause ] mookie makes a cameo. we have a clip of spike lee's

new film "red hook summer." check out the clip. >> can't you see i'm busy out here, man? >> i can see that. >> plain as day. now, is this what your mama -- and god bless her soul, prayed for all of these years? building up little heaven. is this what she wanted for you, son? >> -- preacher man. well, the next timu >> don't disrespect. i just wanted you to meet my grandson, flik. he's going to be here for the rest of the summer. >> okay, i met him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: consider us met. [ cheers and applause ] come back whenever you want. i'm a giant fan. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: our thanks to the great spike lee, everybody. go see his new movie "red hook summer." the very funny mike birbiglia joins us after the break. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ a speed bump!

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very, very funny comedian who wrote, directed and stars in the new film "sleepwalk with me," which is in theaters tomorrow. this is a great movie. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the hilarious mike birbiglia, everybody!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, guys. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. mike birbiglia, congratulations on this movie. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's really, really fantastic. >> you broke our website today. >> jimmy: i did? >> well, you tweeted -- you have six million followers, and you tweeted that you liked the movie, and you sent them to sleepwalkmovie.com. and it crashed our website. we were expecting -- we were only expecting moderate interest in the film. we didn't think it would be popular, and so we weren't prepared for that kind of a nuclear situation. >> jimmy: no way. that's great. well, that website actually shows that you can actually try to request it to have it come to your theater, in your town. >> that's right, and we actually went -- we started a hashtag, "bring sleepwalk," a few weeks ago, and we went from being in 34 theaters to being in 100 -- as of today, 147 theaters from

this hashtag, "bring sleepwalk." >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good for you. that's great. that's awesome because it's a great movie. i watched it -- and i watched with my wife. and she, of course, loves the relationship stuff, but i love the stand up comedy stuff. because, i was telling my wife, that's what happens. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's what it's like. i mean, you can get this feeling. it's hard to describe, but you would do anything just to play a gig. >> yeah, it's just a lot about failure and how, starting out, you have to convince yourself it's going well when it's really not going well. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and you realize you just wouldn't get on stage again. you'd just be like, i guess human beings don't like me. you know -- >> jimmy: that's what comedy is, yeah. >> but, it's very because, yeah, you and i have that in common. it's like, when you're starting out on the road -- like, i was on the road. i borrowed my mom's -- i bought my mom's station wagon, which had 100,000 miles on it. >> jimmy: from you mom? >> yeah, well, i found out later that, like, other people's parents give them a car when they -- >> jimmy: no, i remember that

story, too, but i've never experienced that, either. >> $2,200, she marked it up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. she made a profit off you. >> she was looking for the short money. s going, this guy doesn't have a shot, and i have to get out now while he's got se of the -- yeah. >> jimmy: but i remember driving -- and this scene in the movie is great. it's like when you get your first agent, and they just start -- you just start booking gigs. and you're like, i guess i'll do that because i want to be a successful comedian. >> yeah, but then there's the google maps and the hundreds and hundreds miles that he has to drive. >> jimmy: and you get 50 bucks for the gig. >> yeah, it's like less than you spend in gas and tolls. >> jimmy: yeah, you end up losing money. >> the business model is red. if you printed the business model, it would have to be on red pages. >> jimmy: yeah, i remember just doing it and my parents were going like -- i don't know if this is worth it. like, why are you doing this? >> yeah, and i remember i had to, you know, this horrible thing where -- basically, i started at new york

club. that's where i met you. like, about ten years ago, i was opening for pablo francisco at caroline. >> jimmy: i love pablo francisco. >> one night -- yeah, and you came by and you were really sweet. and i was like i get to meet jimmy fallon, show business is great. >> jimmy: that's awesome, yeah. i love caroline's. >> but that was, like, probably two or three years into moving to new york. when i moved to new york, they didn't let me perform at comedy clubs because i wasn't good at it. and that -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a tricky -- that's what they're into these days. >> jimmy: is that right? they want people to be -- >> ty like the comedians that make audiences laugh, and i didn't have that. and so what i did was i drove my mom's station wagon to areas of lesser comedy concentration in the country. i went to ohio and pennsylvania and new jersey and west virginia. because, in those places, they don't know if you're bad. >> jimmy: yeah. >> no, no, they did. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: they got nothing to compare you to. yeah. [ talking over each other ] my dad would drive me because i was the worst driver. >> oh, really? your dad would drive you to

comedy gigs? >> jimmy: yeah, he would go, and we'd get a hotel room with two single beds. and we're like -- we're like a duo. he would drive me because i was the worst drive on the face -- i still am the worst driver on the face of the earth. if i rent the car, i just say, "just what had more airbags." that's all i ask because i just don't know. and a big blinker. >> that is the worst question you could ask about a car. >> jimmy: which one has more airbags? yeah, just because i'm just afraid. i'm awful. i remember driving -- i got my first car, and it was a nissan maxima, pretty decent car. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it had this cloth interior. >> wow. >> jimmy: yeah, because i didn't want, like, my legs sticking to the seats if it was hot in summer days. >> yeah, clearly. >> jimmy: i really thought this out. and it had a -- it had a cell phone, a non-working cell phone installed, a giant one from the '80s. and i just would drive around and talk -- and pretend i'm talking to people on the cell phone. >> that's nice. that's a good move. >> jimmy: it's a decent move, yeah, yeah. i remember almost getting -- i was driving to one of these gigs, and this car in front of me -- i'm an awful driver, and the car in front of me threw a bottle out of their window.

and i saw it flip up in the air. -- it was just a flipping coke bottle in the air, and i was just like -- and i almost killed myself. [ laughter ] i go, it's not worth the $50 i'm going to get for this college in utica. i don't know what i'm doing. >> but you were still excited to be a comedian. you were like, oh, i get to be a comedian. it's okay if i almost died. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it is weird. >> that's what it is. i remember one night i was coming back -- i was driving back from a comedy club called -- in ocean township, new jersey, called rascals comedy club. >> jimmy: sure, of course. >> because that's comedians are. we're rascals. [ laughter ] and i was driving back, and i was coming down that ramp into the lincoln tunnel, with the tolls, and the cops -- there was a few cruisers there. they were pulling people over. sometimes they have quotas, so they're just, like, pointing at people who look poor enough to have something wrong. you, come here. we'll figure out something that you did wrong. and they pulled me over. he goes, "you've been speeding." and i was like, "sorry about that." which you're not supposed to say

to cops. and then, he goes, "license and registration." and i pull out my license, and as i'm handing it to him, i realize that my license is expired by three weeks. >> jimmy: of course. [ audience oohs ] >> i know, and i didn't know what to do. i was like, well, do i preface is. i go, you're not going to like this. you know what i mean? like, what -- [ laughter ] i was like, oh, maybe he won't notice. you know, because that's -- even if there is only three pieces of information on a license -- one of them is eyes. so he would be like, "eyes, blue. all right, you're good." but he takes the license. he goes back to the cruiser. he's there for about ten minutes because there's a lot to do, and then -- [ laughter ] and then, when he comes back, he says did you know your license is suspended? i was 22-years-old. i didn't -- very naive, i didn't know what suspended meant. so what i said to him, and i quote, i said, "yes. no. wait.

what's suspended?" and he says, "please step out of the car." [ laughter ] and i was like, "no, no, no. i'm serious. i don't know what suspended means." thinking we were having a conversation about this. and he said, "please step out of the car." apparently, cops are not amused by naivete. [ light laughter ] so i get out of the car, and he goes, "you're under arrest." and i was like, "wowzers." and he cuffs me, and puts me in the back of the cruiser. and i'm back there, and i didn't realize that, when you're arrested, they don't have to take you into jail right away. so he just kind of hung -- he's like hanging out with his friends in front of me. i can see him through the dashboard for like 15 minutes. i'm not making this up. they're just having a great time. like, i was mess or whatever. and i'm having the most traumatic moment of my life. i'm like, "i never knew i'd be arrested. i'm from -- massachusetts." you know what i mean?

like, i didn't think there was a possibility. and then, i'm kind of a fidgety person. so i had an itch on my face, and i didn't have any extremities left to scratch it. and so i didn't know what to do, so i leaned over and started scratching my face on the door. [ laughter ] which is not a very clean door. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> and the thing about scratching the itch is that begets more itches. so then, i had an itch here and here. then, i'm just kind of writhing around in the back of the cruiser. >> jimmy: the cop is going, "we got the right guy." >> yeah, the cop's like, "we got a live one!" you know? [ laughter ] he comes back. he's like, "what the hell is going on?" i'm like, "i need you to scratch my face!" and apparently -- apparently they never do that. no one even asks for that. >> jimmy: the cops don't do that at all. no. >> and so he takes me in. they book me, and they -- i'm not making this up. they took my shoe laces out of

my shoes becausepparently it's a ry cmon thing when peop's licenses are suspended, they hang themselv. it's a very unfortunate -- [ laughter and applause ] don't clap. it's a very unfortunate situation. suspension, and it's -- it's a tragedy, really. >> jimmy: really, i don't -- >> but, the nice thing was that he took my mug shot, and then he knew i was a comedian because i had to tell him i was going to rascals comedy club that night. so he took an extra one, and he put it in his pocket. and he goes, "this is in case you ever get famous." which i thought was nice because at least he is rooting for me, you know? it's like, sure. you know, sure, he's arresting me now. but, like, long term, this guy sees it. [ laughter ] this guy's going to be in my corner. you know? >> jimmy: in this movie, "sleepwalk with me," it's based onour actual life. >> based on my life, yeah. i talk on stage a lot about -- originally a one man show about

how i walked in my sleep, and it led to a very dangerous incident that nearly killed me. and it's basically about how this character -- this character, matt pandamiglio -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. very close to mike birbiglia. >> well, there are some similarities, jimmy, but it's not that similar. >> jimmy: gosh. >> well, he's kind of in denial about his relationship going south with his college sweet heart and about his sleepwalking and about his career that's going terribly. and yeah, that's really what the film is about. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. it's so well written. it's funny. it's charming. it's -- if anyone is out there thinking of doing stand up or being a stand up comedian, i would say this is one of my favorite movies i have ever seen. >> holy cow, geez. thanks. >> jimmy: because i really saw that thing, like when you get booked for 20 minutes and you go, yeah, i'll totally do the gig. and then, in the back of your mind, you're like, i only have five minutes of jokes. but then, you got to go up and stretch -- >> i'm pretty sure that's the clip we're about to roll. >> jimmy: yeah, okay, good. yeah, this is -- and there's going to be a cameo in there. marc maron is in this as well. he's giving you a little advice. here is mike birbiglia and

marc maron in "sleepwalk with me." >> look, guys, i got to be honest with you. she wants me to do a half hour. i only have like ten minutes of material, and i don't know what i'm going to do. >> really? wow. you're going to have to fill out that time somehow, man. do some crowd work, talk to the audience, make fun of people or something. >> whenever i make fun of people, they punch me. >> uh-huh. >> nice shirt, loser. [ laughter ] sorry. no, i like it. it's nice. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's all like that. you guys are going to love it. mike birbiglia. go see "sleepwalk with me" in theaters tomorrow. check out sleepwalkmovie.com to find it near you. we're cooking with chef michael anthony after the break. you guys, come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm on break sweetheart.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not only does our next guest own one of the best restaurants in new york city, he just received one of the food worlds highest honors, from gramercy tavern please give it up for the latest james beard award winner chef michael anthony. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> good to see you. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you so much jimmy. >> jimmy: what does it mean to you when you win the james -- it's a major, major award. >> it was such a huge honor. i was totally overwhelmed. you know being recognized by your peers. but, the best thing about it is

it injected an amazing energy into the whole scene of gramercy tavern. it's a individual award, but it's all about the teamwork. immy>> jyou have a great team er there. everybody over there is top notch. we're going to make a little beverageright? >> yeah. yeah. let's check out -- this is on the list at gramercy tavern. it's a mix of vodka, a little bit of basil infused syrup, some lime juice and then a little shot of basil puree. it's called a rickshaw. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: basil? >> it captures -- >> jimmy: i'll drink booze with anything. this is great. >> you need a taxi to pull you away after a couple of these. >> jimmy: all right. i'm ready to try this. >> this is right out of -- all the basil is bombing from the green market right now. >> jimmy: you get all local stuff. and you get all the freshest stuff. i mean this restaurant will really blow you away if you guys go. just everything is so delicious. and i want to tell everyone you're putting out a cookbook finally, right? >> yeah. thank you. >> jimmy: finally. >> it was a huge, huge amount of work. and we're celebrating 18 years at gramercy tavern.

>> jimmy: is that right? >> 18 years. >> jimmy: when are you putting -- when is the cookbook coming out? >> it comes out next year. >> jimmy: look how good these -- i don't make drinks like this. they look so good. mine is just like a shot and a beer. [ laughter ] >> cheers. >> jimmy: cheers. thank you. wow. that is phenomenal. >> goes down easy. >> jimmy: yeah. too easy. >> jimmy: all right. now gosh, this is good. now we're going to have a cook off. a little sandwich off. 'cause you have sandwiches at gramercy tavern during lunchtime. so, i'm going to -- let's go at it. what are you going to make? >> that's right. you know, look, the front room the tavern is totally spontaneous. it gives us a chance to serve a seasonal soup and a sandwich. unbelievable. and -- all right. we've got some things to pick from. i'm going -- >> jimmy: you know you're going to do? >> i'm going after some of this potato roll. this is one of my favorite breads. and when you're going after a sandwiches i think that like bread, breads key. you got a faloni. that's a sourdough from sullivan street. >> jimmy: jimmy faloni. yeah. i know. [ laughter ] >> jim lahey. >> jimmy: i'm sorry jim lahey. faloni bread. all right. wait. so, i'm going to with that.

i have a secret ingredient that i like put on my sandwich too. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: doritos. >> whoa. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] tastes good. it's delish. all right. let's go. what are you doing with yours? >> i'm going after some fried chicken marinated. and fried chicken. >> jimmy: yum. >> fried chicken sandwich. >> jimmy: i'm going to put some mustard on there. yeah. i'm not a mayonnaise guy. >> this is all about spice. >> jimmy: this reminds me of puss. [ laughter ] all right. >> ramp kimchi. >> jimmy: what do you have? >> ramp kimchi. >> jimmy: ramp kimchi. >> wild leek. >> jimmy: gosh, all right. wait. what am i going to do? higgins is going to be the judge. he's going to eat the sandwich. i'm going to put a lot of -- i'm going to put a piece of toast maybe on there. >> pickles. it's all about the pickles. >> jimmy: pickles? okay. pickles. >> pickles, easy to make. >> jimmy: what is this? jalapinis. just some of these dudes. >> pickles, carrots. >> jimmy: good times. higgins is going to freak. all right. what do we do here? i will put the doritos up there.

>> a little slaw, this is smoked jalapeno slaw. >> jimmy: that why we're different people. [ laughter ] you are one of the best chefs i've e should i put some veggies on there? onions, tomatoes. what do you guys think? no? [ cheers ] no. i heard them no. lettuce? lettuce is always good, right? lettuce is good. all right. this is good stuff. all right. when we come back from the break, higgins is going to try and see who made the best sandwich, i think i already know who won. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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>> jimmy: we're back with the great chef michael anthony from gramercy tavern. okay. now, is the moment of truth to see who is the winner of the first ever late night sandwich off. no pressure higgins. we're best friends. [ drum roll ] >> i'm going this a little extra. a little last touch. >> jimmy: are you blow torching? oh, come on. i didn't know we had a blow torch. >> we have to give it a little love. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. it's all torched up. all right. >> steve: this is a dream come true to be a sandwich judge. >> jimmy: yeah. all right. go for it my man. >> did i ever tell you about the time -- [ drum roll ] >> jimmy: a little crunch to it. >> steve: turkey, bread, bologna it takes like. is that bologna? >> jimmy: oh, stop it. give me a break. i didn't like your reaction to be honest. [ laughter ] >> steve: the sandwich was really good. >> jimmy: have you ever had doritos on a sandwich? >> steve: you know what, no. [ laughter ] i haven't.