>> calvin: okay, y'all be breezy. >> ella: calvin. [ siren wailing ] [ horn honking ] [ tires screech ] this is so so soft. hey hun, remember you only need a few sheets. hmph! [ female announcer ] charmin ultra soft is made with extra cushions that are soft and more absorbent. plus you can use four times less. charmin ultra soft. could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. mmmhmmm...everybody knows that. well, did you know that old macdonald was a really bad speller? your word is...cow.

cow. cow. c...o...w... ...e...i...e...i...o. [buzzer] dangnabbit. geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. >> jazmine: never, never, never, never, never! run, missy, run! >> ella: careful. >> jazmine: don't tell mom i'm here. thank you. >> janine: jazmine. aunt ella, i've -- i've been looking all over for jazmine. she's not in her room. is she back there? >> c.j.: no. she's not in aunt ella's room, either. >> janine: where? >> c.j.: if we don't find her, we're gonna be late for her dentist's appointment. jazmine, um, we -- we know you're in there. >> jazmine: [ deep voice ] no, i'm not, and there's nobody home. >> ella: jazmine. jazmine, come out of that closet and stop playing games. >> jazmine: this is not a game. >> janine: jazi, baby, why are you so afraid of going to the

dentist? >> jazmine: 'cause malik said that the dentist is gonna scrape my teeth with a metal hook and then drill holes in my mouth. >> c.j.: malik. >> malik: what? that's what happens. >> jazmine: aah! >> janine: jazmine. >> jazmine: aah! >> janine: jazmine. >> jazmine: aah! >> janine: jazmine, baby, there's no reason to be afraid of the dentist, okay? it's actually quite fun. >> ella: yeah. jazmine, he is going to give you a smile like beyoncé. >> jazmine: really? >> c.j.: yeah, yeah. you are gonna look like a movie star. >> janine: yes, yes. >> c.j.: and they're gonna give you, um, stickers. >> janine: lots of 'em. >> c.j.: yeah, and -- and a new toothbrush. >> janine: yep. >> c.j.: and, uh, if -- if you like, we can go to royal burger afterwards. >> jazmine: mom, is it gonna hurt? >> janine: you are not gonna

feel a thing. >> jazmine: okay. >> janine: okay? >> c.j.: okay. i'm gonna go get the car. >> janine: i'm gonna grab my purse. >> ella: mwah! okay, baby, have a wonderful time at royal burger. >> jazmine: [ chuckles ] yes, ma'am. >> ella: leave her alone. >> malik: okay. so, jazi... [ chuckles ] they have tricked you once again. >> jazmine: [ scoffs ] what do you mean? >> malik: well, they -- they actually told you that going to the dentist was gonna be fun. >> jazmine: yeah. and afterwards, we're gonna go to royal burger. >> malik: oh, really, now? [ laughs ] wow. well, uh, jazi, how you gonna eat a royal burger with no teeth? >> jazmine: what? >> malik: yeah, let me show you this picture. okay. you see that girl right there? >> jazmine: yeah. >> malik: she went to the dentist. >> jazmine: aah! aah! aah! aah!

aah! aah! aah! aah! >> malik: well, my work here is done. >> ella: oh, hey. oh! [ laughs ] oh, that is so cute! he won that for you? >> calvin: no, a-actually, it's my bear -- tracie won it for me. >> ella: oh. okay. i guess that's cute, too. >> tracie: look, baby, i'm gonna run. i need to get a phone call at my house, actually. >> calvin: oh, okay. well, why don't i walk you? >> tracie: it's cool. um, i got to go by the grocery store and pick up some stuff, anyway, but, um, tomorrow let's get together. something very important i want to talk to you about. >> calvin: oh, okay. >> tracie: okay? >> calvin: okay. >> tracie: all right. bye, miss ella. it was good to see you. >> ella: see you later, baby. >> calvin: open that for you. >> tracie: thank you. >> calvin: bye, baby. >> tracie: see you later. >> ella: i like her. >> calvin: i like her, too. [ laughs ] i know i haven't been dating her that long. mama, i think she's the one.

>> ella: i don't think i like her that much. >> calvin: no, mama, i'm serious. she's got me doing things i never thought i'd do. like, this morning, i did my own laundry. >> ella: i like her. i like her. i like her that much. >> calvin: you do? >> ella: yes. >> calvin: and i don't even sleep late no more. matter of fact, i was the first one in the class. and when other girls call me, i don't even take their calls. i haven't thought about another girl since me and tracie hooked up. the topper -- i added a poetry class to my schedule. >> ella: you added a class? >> calvin: yes, and i like it. i think something's wrong with me. >> ella: no, no, no, no, calvin. >> calvin: no? >> ella: no. it's just called "love," baby. >> calvin: oh! [ scoffs ] oh, love? the "l" word? come on. that -- that word is way too strong, mama. plus, players don't fall in love.

>> c.j.: yes, no. we'll -- we'll definitely be there. okay. thank you. all right. >> janine: c.j., i don't know if we'll be able to get her there. >> malik: look, you are making this way too hard. just figure out what she really wants to do and just take her to do it. >> c.j.: like the movies? >> malik: or the mall. >> janine: i don't think this is a good idea. i don't know. >> c.j.: no, no, no. the mall's a good idea. >> malik: yeah. you could take me. when we get there, you could buy me a gift, and that'll distract her. she won't even be thinking about her dentist appointment. >> c.j.: nice try, homey. you're gonna stay your butt right here. >> janine: c.j., i really don't think that we need to go this method to get -- >> c.j.: no, no. i think it's a good idea. sometimes, you got to do a little wrong to do a little right, okay? do you feel me? jazmine! jazmine, could you come out here, baby? >> jazmine: coming. >> c.j.: hey, baby, how you doing? >> jazmine: daddy, i'm good. >> c.j.: all right. how would you feel if we took you to the mall and bought you that new miss missy townhome? >> jazmine: [ gasps ] are you serious?! >> janine: yes. >> malik: yeah. we're all going.

>> jazmine: y'all aren't just messing with me, are you? >> janine: no. no, no, no, no. if you're ready to go, we can leave right now. >> jazmine: i'm ready. >> janine: right now. let's go. >> c.j.: see? >> jazmine: ah! um. which mall are we going to? >> c.j.: atlantic station. >> janine: lenox... station. >> jazmine: it's a trick! >> janine: no, it's not. jazmine, i'm not playing with you. >> jazmine: it's a trick! aha! it's a trick! >> c.j.: jazmine! now, we should have blocked this door. >> jazmine: but you didn't, so ha ha! >> janine: oh, unh-unh. enough is enough. i'm telling you -- this whole time-out thing isn't working anymore. >> c.j.: you know what? >> jazmine: aah! >> c.j.: you're going to the dentist. >> jazmine: [ crying ] >> ella: calvin, calvin, calvin, please, what is it? have a seat. >> calvin: well, i just been thinking about what tracie said, and she -- she said she had something important to talk to me about. and i'm -- i'm nervous because i don't know what it is.

>> ella: well, okay. wait till she gets here. >> calvin: maybe she wants me to move in with her or -- or she wants me to marry her. >> ella: what? >> calvin: but what about the house? what abut the kids? i-i can't send them to college. >> ella: you got that right. [ laughs ] >> calvin: oh, i don't know what to do. >> ella: baby, come. come and sit down. maybe you're making more of this than you should. >> calvin: maybe. mama, i just really like her. >> ella: okay. >> calvin: i even wrote her a poem. >> ella: you wrote her a poem? >> calvin: yeah, you -- you want to hear it? >> ella: no. no. but...go ahead. go ahead. >> calvin: yeah? okay. i'm gonna -- i'm gonna perform. >> ella: you're gonna perform? >> calvin: yeah, yeah. this piece is entitled "tracie." >> ella: how creative. >> calvin: "before, i just wanted to party like a rock star and buy girls a drink."

>> ella: [ laughs ] >> calvin: "but now, all i can think about is tracie." >> ella: baby, that -- that don't rhyme. >> calvin: it don't have to. >> ella: oh, it -- oh, it's -- oh. >> calvin: "she is my first thought when i wake in the morning... my last thought in the evening... the first girl i've ever..." >> ella: wait! no, no, no. i don't want to hear this. >> calvin: "...loved." >> ella: oh. yes. >> calvin: "tracie." what do you think? >> ella: i ought to stand up! oh! >> calvin: ha! you like it? >> ella: yeah. >> calvin: i'm gonna -- i'm gonna do it for her. >> ella: no, no, no. no. no, no, no. >> calvin: no? >> ella: don't do that for her. >> calvin: why? >> ella: do you want to keep her? [ doorbell rings ] >> calvin: i thought you liked it. >> ella: calvin, do not perform that for her. i'm gonna give you guys some privacy. oh! come on in, tracie.

you're so pretty... in the morning... and pretty... in the new day! hey, hey, hey! >> tracie: [ chuckles ] >> calvin: don't. yeah. you want to sit down? >> tracie: no, i'm fine standing. thank you. >> calvin: okay. i'll sit. no, i won't. baby, look, i've been thinking, and i know what you're gonna say. and, baby, i want to tell you that i am in -- >> tracie: i'm moving back in with my ex. >> calvin: that's not what i was gonna say. >> tracie: [ voice breaking ] look, i'm -- i'm sorry, okay? you are so sweet, and i enjoy the time we spend together. please don't get me wrong. but...my ex and i -- we've decided to work things out. we were together for seven years, and he's great with kyle, and...i love him. >> calvin: tracie, what's -- >> tracie: don't do that. don't do that. >> calvin: is it something i

did? because i haven't played video games in weeks. >> tracie: no, no. it's nothing you did. >> calvin: well, is it something that i didn't do? >> tracie: no. >> calvin: tracie, please tell me you're joking. [ sighs ] ♪ ♪ all the goodness of milk, all the deliciousness of hershey's syrup. the next powerful storm is going to hit... but it will... that's why there's a new duracell battery. introducing duracell quantum. with its high density core, it's a quantum leap in battery power. the next storm is out there. but so are the heroes.

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>> ella: good morning. what are you doing, baby? calvin. >> c.j.: morning, aunt ella. >> ella: hey, baby. >> c.j.: what's up, big cal-- what you doing, homey? >> calvin: tracie. >> ella: what did he say? >> c.j.: oh, no, homey. oh, i know you ain't crying. >> calvin: [ crying ] tracie. >> ella: okay, baby, tracie -- is tracie still here? tracie! >> c.j.: what happened? what happened to tracie? >> calvin: hurt. >> c.j.: she's hurt? >> calvin: hurt bad.

hurt, hurt, hurt. >> ella: what happened, and where is she right now? >> c.j.: yo, was she in a car accident? i'm gonna call tracie. >> calvin: gone. >> ella: gone? she's gone. gone -- gone where, baby? >> calvin: forever. >> ella: forever? >> malik: cousin calvin, are you all right? >> calvin: [ whines ] >> c.j.: hey, hey, hey, tracie. yeah. are you okay? um, well, no, it's just that calvin said -- oh. you guys broke up... so you could get back with your ex? ohh. no, he's fine. he's fine. >> calvin: stupid! >> malik: aah! >> ella: aah! >> calvin: stupid! mnh! [ wailing ] >> c.j.: uh, no. no, he's all right. he's all right. he was, uh, he was watching the game, and it was a play he liked -- he liked, you know? yeah. he's cool, though. all right. uh, i'll talk to you later. >> calvin: [ crying ] >> malik: cousin -- cousin calvin, man, you -- you used to be my hero.

>> calvin: i know. [ pounding on door ] man. >> pookie: killer cal, what's up, baby? what it do? down low? wow. see that, p.? it's worse than i thought. cal would never not dab me. >> peanut: man, it's a lot worse. >> pookie: but that's all right, though, killer cal, pimp c., 'cause we got the heartbreak survival kit. >> peanut: bam! there you go right there, man. there you go. >> pookie: what you know about that? >> calvin: dude, it's half empty. what'd you do -- pour out some for the homies? >> pookie: nah, don't nobody do that no more -- that's alcohol abuse. we stopped over at tasha and nene's house on the way here. >> peanut: man, them girls can drink.

>> pookie: hold on. hold on. cal, what is this? >> calvin: a poem. >> pookie: ohh! >> peanut: poem? >> pookie: oh, man. oh, this is terrible, shawty. "the first girl i ever loved... was tracie"? [ laughter ] >> peanut: okay, so, you mean to tell me you was like, "i love you, tracie," and she was like, "i don't even much like you"? >> calvin: dude, y'all are not helping. >> peanut: are you gonna keep the poem? >> pookie: look, cal, she turning you into a little punk, man. i don't know what happened to you, but that's why we here. come on. let's roll out. >> peanut: yeah, that's you. >> pookie: for real, dawg, we about to roll out. >> calvin: no, i don't want to go! >> pookie: hey, come on, man. we got to get you out of here, dawg. this ain't you. >> calvin: i'm -- i'm staying here. >> pookie: all right, look. well, beat this -- right? -- there is this strip club called the castle. p., tell him about the moroccan honey that work there. >> peanut: i don't know if she

moroccan, but she got long hair, and she be mo' rockin' than the other girls in there. >> calvin: dude, i'm not going to no strip club. >> peanut: oh, you a little poet now. you too sadiddy for the strip club now? that's what the deal is? you be turning -- okay. well, all right, since you too sadiddy for the strip club, i got something i know you're gonna have to mess with, man. j.d. having a pool party. >> pookie: yes, sir. >> peanut: i say, "j.d. having a pool party." >> pookie: yes, sir. >> peanut: that's right. you know what that mean? that mean martinis and bikinis. that mean models and bottles, and we gonna get in for the free. >> pookie: i'm on the guest list right now, plus two, baby. what's good? >> calvin: do you think tracie gonna be there? >> pookie: look, you're gonna get over this tracie stuff, man, all right? tracie does not want you. she wants somebody who's confident and strong. now, is that you right now? no, it's not. come on, man. we out of here. seriously, grab the yac. come on, man. get up, for real. we ain't having it, man. let's roll out. no, no, no, no, no.

>> peanut: you can't go to the club with no teddy bear in there. >> pookie: hey, come on, man. >> peanut: you got this from tracie? >> pookie: yeah, she won that at the contest. >> peanut: "girl, see ya!" bam! >> pookie: oh, that's the cal i remember, shawty -- what i'm talking about, fool. oh, man, one in the front. >> peanut: that's what i'm talking about. >> pookie: one in the back. wshh! wshh! "call me, girl. call me." >> calvin: shh! shh! shh! shh! >> pookie: mnh! >> peanut: hey, you loud, too. >> calvin: everybody's sleeping. >> peanut: you loud, too. that was fun, though. that was off the chain, man. >> pookie: shawty, that's what it is right there -- that's the deal. >> peanut: it felt good to see you back to yourself, man. how many numbers you pulled out of there, boy? >> calvin: man, i don't even know, but after they saw me talking to that model chick... [ laughs ] all them honeys started passing me they numbers. >> peanut: look at that. >> pookie: oh, man, it's the model chick -- the model chick. was that the one with the blond hair and the big old... >> peanut: no. no, see, dude, that's the video chick.

they totally different. >> pookie: if that was the model video chick, who was the chick with the grille? >> peanut: oh, no, are you talking about the one that looked like lil jon? >> pookie: yes! >> calvin: hey, hey, hey, settle down. >> pookie: what, dawg? our bad, dawg. we just happened to see you back to pimping cal, baby. we missed you, man. >> peanut: good to see you back to yourself. >> pookie: that's all it is, dawg. >> ella: mnh-mnh. mnh-mnh. mnh-mnh. >> peanut: hey, miss ella. >> ella: what are you all doing out here? >> peanut: hey. >> ella: hey, baby. >> pookie: hey, auntie. >> ella: good morning. good morning. >> pookie: how you doing? look, we not trying to be loud and disrespect your house, but we had to come over and, you know, de-punk your son. >> peanut: not that you was raising a punk, not that you would raise a punk, but, you know, he was doing bad. he was real miserable. >> ella: well, thank you... i think. >> peanut: oh, you're welcome. >> ella: all right. you're welcome. >> pookie: where you going? >> ella: i'm not going anywhere. as soon as you all leave, i'm going to bed. >> peanut: oh, okay. >> ella: okay.

good night. >> pookie: all right. >> ella: and there's nothing here -- the kitchen's closed. >> pookie: yes, sir. >> ella: all right, baby. >> peanut: we're gonna holler at you. we're gonna come by tomorrow and check on him. >> ella: okay, bye, clayton. bye, quincy. thank you. >> calvin: pookie, peanut! >> pookie: thank you. >> ella: good night, baby. [ door closes ] whoo. >> calvin: my dawgs. >> ella: [ laughs ] well, it's good to see you feeling better, baby. >> calvin: yes, i am better. >> ella: you had me nervous today. you were sitting on that couch in fetal position -- "tracie." ♪ shield...sneeze...swish... shield...sneeze...swish... ♪

♪ this back to school, there's a new routine ♪ ♪ grab a kleenex tissue, to help keep your hands clean ♪ ♪ shield...sneeze...swish... shield...sneeze...swish... ♪ ♪ la...la...la...la... [ female announcer ] only kleenex brand has sneeze shield in all their tissues. ♪ this back to school, kleenex everyday tissues with sneeze shield help keep stuff off kids' hands. and now they're thicker and more absorbent. but do you really? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover erases 99% of your most stubborn makeup with one towelette. can your makeup remover do that?

[ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover. >> malik: hey, how was the dentist? >> jazmine: [ speaking indistinctly ] >> malik: what? >> jazmine: [ garbled ] it wasn't that bad. >> malik: oh, it wasn't that bad. oh, okay. >> jazmine: [ speaking indistinctly ] >> malik: i-i really don't know what you're saying. oh, the stuff that you got from the dentist. oh, okay. okay. man, they didn't give me all this stuff when i went. >> jazmine: [ laughs ] [ speaking indistinctly ] >> malik: what you -- you need your ointment? is that in here? >> jazmine: [ speaking indistinctly ] >> malik: oh, an a-appointment. [ sighs ] i'm not going in there. >> jazmine: [ laughs ] >> malik: don't tell them i'm here.

[door opens] - [squealing happily] - what is going on, sweetheart? - we were in the car with uncle terrence-- - listening to lux 97. - the radio station. - yes, and they're giving away a trip for two to see rihanna! - in los angeles! so me and lindsey are going to team up and win the tickets. - oh...my...gosh. i cannot wait to call kelly. she's going to be like, "omg, you're totally lying." i'm going to be like, "no, i'm not."

and she's going to be like, "yeah, you are"-- - all right, all right. - this is going to be so awesome! - kevin, i didn't know that you like rihanna. - i don't. i just want to go to l.a. - all we have to do is listen to the radio station for the next three days... - and after they play five songs without rihanna in them... - if we're the 97th caller... both: we win! - ♪ rihanna - ♪ los angeles - ♪ rihanna - ♪ rodeo drive - okay, okay, okay. wait, wait, wait. shh, shh, shh, shh. now, i don't want you guys to get your hopes up, okay? i grew up trying to win those radio contests, and it's not as easy as you think. - how hard could it be? - yeah, nobody listens to the radio anymore. - you were listening. - that's 'cause we're were in the car with uncle terrence. - and he's old. - yes. - right. okay, why don't you two go get ready for dinner? - okay. - [squealing happily] - ♪ hola, hola, hola, eh, eh, eh ♪ ♪ eh, hola ♪ eh, eh, eh - okay, well, somebody's in a good mood. - that's because i just got two diamond club seats

to the mariners-yankees game this saturday. bam! - wow! - that's right, wow. baby, these seats are so close, the umpire asks you to hold his spit cup. - [laughs] - these seats are so close, you have to duck when the batter swings. look, if the seats were any closer, the pitcher could be like, "hey, man, get out the way." - well, honey, that is great. - oh! look, these tickets come with free drinks, private parking, and an all-you-can-eat buffet in the clubhouse. man, martin and i are going to be in man heaven. - you're taking martin? - yes. - why? - because he's my friend. - so what, i'm not your friend? - that's not what i meant. - well, that's how it seems. so you have your choice of people that you can take to your little man heaven, and the first person you think of is martin because he's your friend? well, what does that make me? - baby, you don't even like baseball.

- that is not true. - really? name one baseball player. - hank aaron. - name one baseball player that's played in the last 35 years. - hank aaron. look, the point is, is that you should have asked me first. - why, so you could turn right around, say no, and then i ask martin? - if you knew i was going to say no, why didn't you just ask me? i'll tell you why. because you didn't want to take the chance that i might say yes, because you didn't want to go with me. you wanted to go with your friend. larry bonds. - barry bonds, baby. - ♪ are we there yet? ♪ tell me, tell me, tell me - ♪ tell me, are we there yet? ♪ captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com - i thought i was your friend. - i'm sorry, man. look, i fought hard for you. it's just that she took me by surprise.

da-da-da-da-da. osama bin laden was taken by surprise. saddam hussein was taken by surprise. anthony weiner was taken by surprise. you punked out. - i did not punk out. we're going to have to agree to disagree on that one. but i will have you know that i had plans that night. i was going to go out with sophia. - that italian woman? - yes! - you've been trying to go out with her for three months. - uh! - why would you cancel a date with her to go to a baseball game? - because you had two diamond club tickets. i mean, i may get another chance with this chick. when's the next time i'm going to have a crack at those seats? - i'm sorry, man. - no, you're not. you're apologizing. but if i'm not able to hook up with sophia again, then you'll be sorry. - come on, man. what are you-- - what is up with this stupid website? how are we supposed to listen to the radio when we can't even get it on our computer? - i know, but don't worry; dad said he'll be back soon.

- hey, guys. - hi, dad. - i just want you to know... that your problems are solved. - he's just-- - that's great. - bam! ha ha ha! or should i say, "boom"? - you got us a decepticon? - no, it's my boom box. - you made a bomb? - it's not a bomb. it's a boom box. i can't believe you kids never heard of one of these. back in the day, you walked around with this, you were the baddest boy on the block. what? uh, uh. - you used to carry that? - why not just put some rims on it and drive it? - i mean, what is all this stuff, anyway? - look, dual cassette; ten-band graphic equalizer; mic inputs; chrome sliders; am/fm, shortwave 1, and shortwave 2 selectors; reinforced dual paper cone woofers; 1-inch tweeter-- - you can tweet from that? - you cannot tweet on this.

- so how do we turn it on? i mean, we're missing the contest. - hang on, all right. i'ma turn it on. hey, don't touch that like that. don't do that. but are you ready? - ready for what? [disco music blaring] ♪ - oh, my gosh! what is that? - it's my mix tape! - dad, it's kind of loud! - oh, that ain't loud. there's a button for loud. [laughs] ♪ [music playing in the distance] - do you hear that? - yeah, what is that? [snaps] - i like it. - oh, i like that. oh! hey! oh! hey! - this is loud! - it's too loud, dad! [silently] ♪

[music stops] [both sigh with relief] - we just need to listen to the radio station for our contest. - oh, yeah, yeah. that's this button right here. i couldn't find a power cord, so i got you these. - oh! what is this? - "d" batteries. it should last for about an hour. i'll pick you up some more later. - an hour? - [sighs] - what are you smiling about? - because you are about to be a very happy woman. - and why is that? - because you and me... are going to the game. bam! - well... i thought you were going with your friend. - i was, but then i told him what happened,

and now i'm going with you! bam! - i don't want to go now. - why not? - because we both know you don't really want to go with me. so how could i possibly enjoy myself when the entire time, i would be thinking that you much rather be there with someone else? - baby. if i didn't want to go with you, i wouldn't have canceled on martin. - no. if you wanted to go with me, you would have asked me first. i don't want your pity tickets. - what difference does it make? - i don't know. ask your friend.

- what difference does it make? could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. yep, everybody knows that. well, did you know some owls aren't that wise? don't forget i'm having brunch with meghan tomorrow. who? meghan, my coworker. who? seriously? you've met her like three times. who? (sighs) geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. - good morning. you're here early. - yup. - okay. i'm asking.

- do you see men as your friends? - no. why? - nick got tickets to a baseball game, and he invited martin. - and? - and he didn't ask me first. - and? - and when i asked him why, he said it's because martin is his friend. - and? - and you don't get that? - no. get what? - nick doesn't consider me his friend. - because you're not his friend; you're his wife. - so you don't think husbands and wives can be friends? - no. - why? - okay. who are you talking to right now? me, your friend. who are you not talking to right now? nick, your husband. and that's because your friend is a person you talk to when you're mad at your husband. now, if your husband is your friend and you're mad at him, who you gonna talk to? - gigi, that's ridiculous. - mm, then why didn't you call him?

you see? see, you can be mad at nick for not inviting him to the game, but you cannot be mad at him for not being your friend. - i really hate you sometimes. - that's okay. that's what friends are for. - okay, you can stop now. you made your point. don't you dare sing that song. don't! - that was maroon 5 featuring rihanna. keep listening for your chance to win tickets to see rihanna live in los angeles. remember, when you hear five songs that don't have rihanna in them, be lucky caller number 97 and win here on lux 97. coming up, another 260 seconds of consecutive music... - [yells] how's it going? - ...on lux 97. - this is crazy, okay? i've been listening for the past four hours, and everything they've played has rihanna on it. i mean, look. kanye west featuring rihanna. jay-z featuring kanye west featuring rihanna.

t.i. featuring rihanna. rihanna featuring rihanna. i mean, is there anything she doesn't sing on? - i know; i was listening to the psa for dna testing. who sings the jingle? rihanna. - man, i can't believe we're a day in and they haven't played one single song without rihanna. - this is going to be a lot harder than we thought. - ready to hear another song played from beginning to end? we thought so. lux 97: we play the hit. all right, this is christina aguilera and the star-spangled banner. - i think we got one! - ...featuring rihanna. - [sighs] hey, man. there you go. - all right. you sure about this? - suzanne says she doesn't want to go. she doesn't want my "pity tickets." - why don't you just go yourself?

- why don't you get married, get yourself some diamond club tickets, tell your wife she's not your friend, take me, and then find out. - you know, you're acting like i'm the one who punked out on you. - i did not punk out. - you say "tomato." i say, "punked out." anyway, thanks. maybe, just maybe, if i tell sophia i'm taking her to the game, i'll get that second shot. - yeah, well, have fun. just do me a favor. don't ever tell me how great those seats are. i'm serious. if america's under attack and the only way we can find out who the terrorists are is if you tell me how great those seats are, don't tell me. if the rampart division of the l.a.p.d. tells you they'll tell you who shot biggie if you tell me how great those seats are, i don't want to know. hey. just--if stedman graham comes up to you and says he'll tell you what's really going on with him, oprah, and gayle if you tell me how great these seats are,

keep your mouth shut. - hey, hey, hey. you really don't know what's going on between oprah and gayle? - fine, but all that other stuff still applies. - okay. - coming up next, another rihanna-thon right here on lux 97. more commercials, less songs: lux 97. we play the hit. - by the time they play a song without rihanna, i can grow up, get a job, earn some money, and fly myself to l.a. i mean, how long are we supposed to listen to this stupid radio station? - why not just put in a cassette and record everything and then sift through all the songs later? - why are you carrying around a cassette tape? - i thought it was an iphone cover. - i can't believe that's what came before ipods. - yeah, except instead of holding thousands and thousands of songs, this holds about ten. - you know, my dad said when he was younger, you couldn't even download. - it's true; you either had to go to a store and buy music or belong to a record and tape club. you would mail them a list of songs that you wanted,

and then they would send them to you. it took weeks. - okay, so how does this work? - just press these two buttons here, and we're good to go. - lux 97: we play the hit. - you ready? - yeah. - bam! - what's all that? - it's for the game this weekend. - cool. i hope you got some tickets to go with that outfit. - why? - because i gave mine to martin. - why would you do that? - because you didn't want to go. - so you just give the tickets away? - because you said, "no, i don't want to go." - well, you could have tried to talk me into it. - i did... right after you said, "no, i don't want to go." - you know, i don't know what hurts more, the fact that you went to martin the first time

or that you ran back to him and gave him the tickets the second time! - right after you said, "no, i don't want to go." - i wish this was a different finger.

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- got your message.

you're kidding me, right? - look, man, i hate to do this, but she said, "no, i don't want to go," which apparently means she wants to go. - so why didn't she just say that? - she did... right after she said, "no, i don't want to go." - wait, so does she want to go or not? - i don't know, man. i just need the tickets. you should have seen her. she's got the mariners t-shirt, she's got the big finger-- - no, no, no. i got the big finger. - come on, man. it's not like that. - it is to me. you know, you're not the only one with an angry woman on his hands. sophia was really looking forward to this game, and now what am i going to tell her? - it's not the same thing. - $500. - what? - i'll give you the tickets. you give me $500. that's what they're worth, and it's going to cost me at least that much to not blow this with sophia. - are you serious? - is my face pale? - oh, i am not giving you $500, man. look, i'll just buy them online from somebody else. - front row, diamond club tickets. do i need to tell you how good these seats are?

- i'll--i'll just get some other seats. - oh, okay. and then when suzanne casts her gaze down at the front row and sees me sitting in your seats, i'll make sure to kind of crane my neck up and give a little wave if i can find you. - will you take a check? - do you have i.d.? hey, man, it's company policy. - i'm dj brian, and that was nicki minaj and rihanna with fly. we'll be back in a minute on lux 97. - kevin! - what? - why aren't you listening to the radio? - don't worry; i got it covered. i put in a tape. - a what? - cassette tape. okay, look. i've been recording the radio station for the past 45 minutes. all i have to do is hit "rewind," and then we can skim through the songs in, like, two or three minutes. [whirring] - what's that sound? - uh-oh.

- i cannot believe this. we've been listening to the radio station for the past two days, and you just blew it all in two minutes. - yeah, for the record, this was troy's idea. - [whispers] here he comes. it's about time. - if i tell you that i was able to fix the tape, what's in it for me? - the satisfaction of fixing things after you totally screwed everything up? - do you even like rihanna, troy? - personally, i think she's just a knockoff ashanti. and i love ashanti. - dude, focus. tape. - yeah, i listened to it. 90 minutes, and there were only, like, four songs. - well, we only need one more song without rihanna, and then we can call it in. - so what were the songs? - one with david guetta, one with eminem, one with artists stand up for cancer, all with rihanna. - that was only three; you said four. - oh, yeah, and that new chris brown song. - oh, my gosh! that's it! that's the fifth song! - how do you know? - it's chris brown.

i guarantee you rihanna's not on that. - yeah. - she's right. - quick, turn up the radio! - ...we played our fifth and final song without rihanna. we're waiting for the 97th caller, but since nobody seems to be calling in, how about this: we'll take the first caller. - it's ringing! - look at this! we got a call! turn your radio down. who is this? - hi, this is lindsey kingston-persons. am i the first caller? i am? - did we win? - yes, stupid. now pass me the paper. we're going to los angeles! - rodeo drive, here i come. - ♪ are we there yet? - hey. - hey. - baby, i've got something to ask you, and i want an honest and simple answer. - rod jeter. - a-rod and derek jeter. all right, now, i don't want you to tell me

what you think i'm thinking or what you think i ought to be thinking. i just want the truth. now, i got the game tickets back from martin, and i want you to go to the game with me. my question is, would you like to go? - no. - why not? - i don't want to go to the game. i never really wanted to go to the game. i just wanted you twant me to go to the game. i was being selfish. so go. have fun with martin. i'm sorry. - is this a set-up? i mean, no, are you trying to get me to lower my defenses and you can make it seem like it's all my fault and so i don't know what hit me? - i already did that. why do you think you got the tickets back?

- we at lux 97 are so excited to finally have a winner. so all we need is your father to sign right here, and you're on your way to los angeles to see rihanna. - okay, so where do i sign? - right here. [laughs] you look familiar. where have i seen you before? - oh, um, my husband's a sports reporter for kawt. - kawt? uh-oh. - what's wrong? kawt is a sister station for lux 97. and, unfortunately, employees or their families aren't eligible to win. - so they can't go to los angeles? - i'm sorry. - wait. he's not our real dad. - lindsey! - what? she's right. he's our step-dad. tell him, man. - are you serious? - yeah, it's rihanna. - in los angeles. i mean, you're the one bringing up technicalities. - i'm sorry, kids. rules are rules. [kids stammering] - hey. nobody in my family works for kawt.

- so you want these tickets? - sure. - i thought you said you hated rihanna. - but i love free tickets. - i got fergie too, if you want those as well. - and i love fergie. - so that's it? just like that, you're just going to give him the tickets? - it's easier than going back on the radio to try to get rid of them. people haven't listened to the radio since boom boxes. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

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captioning made possible by sony pictures television do you remember that weird history teacher we had in 9th grade? mr. thorpe! with the hello, kitty stickers on his briefcase! but he had that gorgeous wife, remember? i know. how was that guy not gay? ha ha ha! hey, remember we cut his class and went to waldbaums? oh, yeah. you shoved a whole box of devil dogs down your pants. hello? we had the munchies and no cash. somebody had to take charge. i wonder if there are any laws they didn't break, huh? i assume there were some. ya. oh, man, it's getting late. you know, we should get on the road soon. no. stay! we have a 2-hour drive. who told you to move to friggin' rockland county?

my new husband. he works there. blame him. guilty as charged. ok, well, you're not leaving until you get dessert. come on. give me a hand. oh, hey, hey! here's a name for you. eric wickstrom. ah! you know what? i saw him, like a year ago. he still has his braces. ew! ha ha ha! well, that is a long time to have braces, am i right? maybe he has some sort of chronic problem. let's hope so. ha ha ha! heh. so what do you do up there in rockland county? oh, i manage a company. we make various paper products from recycled goods-- paper products. that's great. great. lookin' at a big fan right here. you're at, um... i.p.s. yep. yeah. yeah. what do you think about the head of your company giving money to the n.r.a.? i didn't realize he did.

half a million dollars. you have to really like assault rifles to give that kind of money. maybe he just likes charlton heston, you know? "get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!" remember that, huh? that movie, planet of the apes? that was a good movie, huh? i think heston's a nazi. uh-huh. uh-huh. hey, guys, we're gonna serve dessert over there on the couch. go. go, go, go, go. heh! so, the couch? all right. ahh! that's better, huh? eh heh. the couch. oh! who are you voting for on tuesday? hmm? the state assembly? the runoff election? ah...yes. yes.