tv FOX 45 Late Edition FOX November 14, 2013 12:35am-1:10am EST
stethree, gt eady to wow. step four... mmmmm. ♪ [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. make the holidays pop. he loves me. he loves me not. he loves me. he loves me not. ♪ he loves me! that's right. [ m ] warm and flaky in 15, everyone loves pillsbury grands! [ girl ] make dinner pop! hey! have you ever tried honey nut cheerios? love 'em. neat! now you on the other hand... you need some help. why? look atchya. what is that? you mean my honey wand? [ shouting ] [ splat ] come on. matter of fact. [ rustling ] shirt. ses. ades. ah! wow! now that voice... my voice? [ auto-tuned ] what's wrong with my voice? yeah man, bee got swag! be happy! be healthy! that's gotta go too. ♪ hey! must be the honey! [ sparkle ] sweet.
♪ hey! must be the honey! people swear you just stepped off the mayflower.cy, ye, you plymouth rocked this dinner because you went to walmart. mom, you own this season. everything to make the perfect thanksgiving meal for less. walmart. i'm here to see george howard skub. this is the prison. i am not going in there with expectations, per se. i will meet george howard skub. i will tell him that i believe he is innocent. i would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. i would understand if a friendship began. how did bogart put it? [as bogart] i think this is the start of my first friendship. - so pete was a librarian?
- he worked as a librarian freshman year. - was he, like, the sexy librian? - okay. - is there somebody who's in charge of marketing? maybe i should sit near him or her. - hi. - hi! - hi. how's it going? - hi. good. i'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing-- - wow, this sure is intense. having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with. - andy, that is really inappropriate. - awkward! - it is awkward. this is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. - really uncomfortable uation. - yeah. - that's all right, pete. you can handle it. i mean, we all just gotta move on. ain't that right, professor lecture-much? question. how's that medicine taste? your own-flavored? is it just me, orave these tables turned? hmm.
- so there's no marketing department? th:o. - you know, times were tough. i was unemployed. i was still heartbroken over you. i'lost a good 50 pounds. but as you can see, i put all that weight right back on. feel how fat my buttocks are. yeah. it's crazy. touch it. it'sike warm pumpkin. - so andy just called you up out of the blue? - yeah. htold me you two broke up. - yeah. - you must be pretty horny. - well, the good news is, no more guilty conscience. at least you know he is the strangler. the proof is in the grip. did they say when the vocal cords would heal? one week? okay. two weeks? okay. you offered your neck in search of the truth.
the proud neck of justice-- isn't that the expression? well, anyway, it was--it was very brave. it really was quite brave. - i feel like a show pony. - and you look like one too. thank you, angela. - you're welcome. would you like some stew? - by all means. and i will carve the roast skunk. angela. - mm-hmm? - would you like the stink sack? - is it any good? - . you don't eat it. it's a toy, like a wishbone. you know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. - thank you. - so when's the wedding? - um... actually, we are just friends. - that's what mose said about his lady scarecrow, and look what he did to that poor thing. - hello? - hey. back here.
- [laughs] wow. seriously? oh, my gosh. is that champagne? - si, senor. [pop] - oh, jim, i should have told you i didn't get the job. - oh, man. i'm so sorry. are you all right? - oh, yeah. i'm mo than all right. there's just nothing to celebrate? - are you kidding? you're in philly. we're having dinner together. and this is just consolation champagne. it's from the part of france that immediately gave up to the nazis. - [chuckles] - here. - you're very quick on your feet. i remember you. funny. - all right, so tell me all about it.
making holidays more delicious [announcer]your life is hectic but add the business of life paperwork, taxes and bills and things get exponentially more complicated. and if you own your ow business, you've got invoices, employees, customers and sales to deal with. but you don't have to solve it by yourself. at intuit, we make too to help simplify it all, so you can concentrate on what matters most. intuit. simplify the business of life. [ for mcdonald's bold, new jalapeno kicker premium chicken sandwich. and the not too shy jalapeno kicker quarter pounder. the heat comes at you from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. new jalapeno kicker sandwiches, f a limited time. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ [ man ] adventure, it means taking chances.
the opposite of that. gosh, thank you for your help today. your perspective was very useful. thank you. - it was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. dwight, dwight. - right. not outside. the horseflies. you know what, my farm is only a few acs east of here. or we could use the slaughterhouse. - no, dwight, the senator. - leave him. he probably won't even notice that you're gone. be with me, monkey. - i can't be your monkey, dwight. - i'm not talking about some frisky romp
in the warehouse. we have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. the 80 or 90 years that i have left of this life... i want to spend with you. - i made a vow. i gave my word. - stand by your man. it's what i would want if you were mine. - good night, d. - how are you doing?t is it really rough? - it is so unpleasant. you? - hey, loveurds! conference room now. thank you all for coming in. just wanted to check in. how was everyone's day? - honestly it was a little weird.
- really? hmm. that's interesting, because erin and pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. why do you think it was weird, gabe? maybe because you and erin used to be an item - i still wear erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes, so it feels to me like we're still in aelationship... - gabe. - a lot of the time. - ugh. - and, alice, i understand you once dumped pete. ouch. - it was an amicable break-up, andy. - okay, while we're rriting history, you never had a drinking problem. - it was college. that is what you do. - dude, you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that. - hey, andy, is this at all work-related? - we'll get to that. gabe, did erin ever tell you that she loves you? - [laughs] no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no. she wouldn't even let me say it. it was adorable. she'd plug her ears and scream her heart out. - gabe, can you stop talking? because every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.
- i got a tattoo for you. - i didn't ask you to get that nike swoosh. nobody did. yodid that for you. - just do it. you were the it that i was just doing. - so you're dating a secretary now? moving up in the world, pete. - she's nice to me. - how's that p.e. degree coming? that's what he wanted to be. his dream in college was to be a gym teacher. - well, guess what, he could still be a gym teacher. in fact, we could all still be gym teachers. so let's-- - i technically cannot. i don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. - oh, my god. - what kind of music are you into, peter? - uh, i like all kdsf muc, gabe. - really? all kinds? so you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the ku klux kl? erin, are you even hearing this? - no! - gabe, he didn't even say that. - he's not a very sophisticated man. i mean, he can't use chopsticks, sdo i need to say anything else? - [laughs] erin, i've been to japan. i know how to use chopsticks so well. come back. one night. give me one night with you.
- what is that supposed to be? - i have shaved everything. - i don't want you to shave-- - i wasted two years of my life on you. you realize that, right? - i just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. - i am as smooth as a porpoise for you. - why didn't you say at the beginning, "this isn't really going that well"? - shovel his sashimi into his mouth as a sport. - all right, all right, yes, thats legitimate question. does making erin and pete feel bad make me feel better? yeah. yeah. it does. - so imagine, like,
the real estate version of michael scott, and that was this guy. he did half the interview as ace ventura. - tell me about the cologne. how much? - oh. an entire bottle at least. - you're definitely hoarding this, by the way. - guess--guess what poster he had on his wall. - austin powers. - mm-mm. - ferris bueller. - mm-mm. you're getting colder. - not night at the roxbury. - no. the odd life of timothy green. - i'm sorry. how did you think i was expected to guess that?
- i don't know. but it's interesting, right? - it's fascinating. - he said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it, and it's right next to his desk. he must look at it, like, 20 times a y. - that's amazing. well, listen, you can't win 'em all, right? - mm-hmm. - so the next interview has to be better. - i don't know. - what do you mean? of
course it will. you're amazing. - i know. it's just, even if it was a great boss and a great job, i just--i don't-- i don't know if i-- if i want to-- i don't know if i want this. - huh. this is a little out of left field. - is it? i just-- i liked our life in scranton.
- and i have started a business in philadelphia. - little did my grandfather know, mahjong would be here to stay. - hobbies of the east continues in a moment. - [clears throat] you could all be doing this. just saying. i watch way too many ads online, and i don't do enough sit-ups. so i bought these. now every time an ad pops up online, i get 30 seconds of ab-blasting. i call it adsor abs. ironically, i learned about the boots from an ad online. - why can't you just do regular sit-ups? - i'll tell you why. because... the floor...
is... disgusting. yeah. my trainer said, "everybody fails working out." that's how you win. okay. all right. okay. kevin, a little help, buddy. - oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now? - can someone please help me? - oh, these teas are hot. can someone help me, please? oh, thanks. yeah. okay. - just... just... people, i'm not going anywhere! soon my core will get strong again, and, when that happens, i'll be able-- head rush! ah! can someone please help me? i-- hey. i'm not going anywhere! i'll be right here!
♪ thanksgiving photo booth, before the meal ♪ ♪ to capture all the joy we feel ♪ ♪ elf on a shelf, like it, pin it ♪ ♪ with my redcard, i'm in the game to win it. ♪ save big this season with price match, plus 5% off and free shipping with your debit or credit redcard. ♪ that's my kind of holiday. [stereo playing choral music]
>> andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with angela, but then she was sleeping with dwight for...several years. wait, no, that can't be right. >> the timeline's messy. >> anyway, now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of theirov [choral music continues] >> this is my solo. [stereo plays andy imitating bass guitar] >> ♪ ba dum bum bum ♪ ba dum bum bum ♪ ba dum bum bum ♪ ba dum-- [music stops] >> i'm confused. am i walking down the aisle to you can call me al? >> trust me, you will not be walking. you will be boogie-ing. >> i am extremely interested. so how much will all of this cost? >> well, 12 guys, airfare, three nights in a hotel, food per diem, table up front for merch... $9,000. >> i don't know. it--it seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to.
>> did you even hear the music i just played for you? >> mm-hmm. >> what's wrong with you? >> these sleeves are cutting off my circulation. there's not enough blood getting to my hands. >> i think you look nice. >> doesn't charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? it's not a dress code. it's a death sentence. >> looking good. >> 'kay, thank you. it's a straight jacke okay. when michael was in charge, this place was like the roman empire. and the wild west. and war-torn poland. and poland. there was just a lot going on, so what you wore to work was the least of anybody's worries. and in that chaos, [whispers] i soared. hey. >> hey. >> ed's tires is thinking of making a change. >> is this good?
>> they have some great kitchen ideas. >> oh. okay. ed's tires, huh? >> it's small, i know. >> i really appreciate it. >> thanks, michael. what--what is this? >> it's for your trouble. >> wh--i don't need $6 to help a friend. >> no, no, listen, as a friend, i want you to have it. >> michael, you know i can't take this. >> yes, i do. >> buton't forget u owe me $10. >> that was four years ago. why don't you let it go? >> michael. >> what was up with pam being all phy and negative in there? >> i think she just didn't want a crucifix cake. >> it scares me to see you going down a road that i went down. >> am i going down a road? >> when i see her bossing you around like that, it just makes me wonder if this thing really has the legs to go the distance. >> it's so scary how right the things you're saying are, and you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course i trust your opinion on this. >> i know a few things about love-- horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
>> i was gonna use today to purge my inbox, but now something much more pressing has come up. >> ed's tires. why don't you tell them that we have fewer clients, so that we can spend more time with each of them. also try to discuss it over indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women. >> i'm not gonna do that. >> that is smart. that would not seem genuine. ryan? >> i can get there. >> good. you take the lead on this one. >> also, do not forget that he has just gone through aessy divorce. >> oh, awesome. >> bring it in. morning cheer. [clears throat] >> ♪ u-g-l-y ♪ you ain't got no alibi ♪ you ugly >> ♪ huh huh >> ♪ you ugly ♪ you mama says you ugly ♪ hey go michael scott paper company! >> i'm here. i'm part of this now. >> you needed to speak to me?
>> dwight, take a seat. >> i prefer to stand. less blood clots. >> nah, that's weird. you're gonna sit. great. you know, dwight, it has been quite a transition for all of us. are you happy with the way things have been runnin' lately? >> why do you ask? do you mean compared to the way things ran with other bosses? comparisons are hard. >> i've just been impressed with your performance, and i wanted to make sure good work doesn't go unnoticed. >> your concern is noted. >> yeah, i like your work ethic. you're so...focused. >> like a wolf. thank you >> i wanna start givin' you more responsibility. what do you say you and i go out for a drink this week? >> really? >> definitely. >> [sighs] it's firm. >> i need you to get me the prices that you're charging ed's tires, so i can undercut dunder mifflin. >> i don't know that i can do that now. you know, uh, something's come up. >> oh, n--is it mose? did you put the cover on that well?
>> no, mose is fi. i--i roped it off. it's not about mose. listen, things are changing here, michael. they're changing fast. >> i'm not following you. >> imagine... someone has a personal hero they really wanna help but then there's this new guy, very cool, very will smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero. >> personal hero, cool new guy. okay, i think i'm getting your drift. >> good, so you see what i'm saying? >> crystal clear. [pam writing] so is this for a movie that you're writing? >> no. >> can i use it? >> no. >> dwight, are you talking about u >> it is possible that i could be talking about us. >> so, i would say that the old boss has always been good to dwight, and he was there first,
so he has dibs. you respect dibs, don't you? >> i'm not a barbarian. >> good. will you meet me in 20 minutes at the spot? >> i will. >> dwight. >> yes? >> is the cool new guy charles? >> i've said too much. >> is it stanley? >> hey, andy. you know, i been thinkin' about what you said, and... >> "noishe." >> ...i just don't know if i can do it. >> that's interesting, because what i hear you saying is that you do want to do it, which means you can do it. believe me, i broke up with angela, and i'm, like, the happiest guy ever. i mean, i'm so happy. i'm so happy. like, total freedom, you know? >> it's just that pam gets me through the day, you know? i really rely on her. i'm pretty emotionally needy. >> and you know what? i am here for you. let me be your traveling pants. [imitates punch] ah, what'd you do that for? [laughter]
>> you know that i was doin' this. >> totally. >> okay. >> hello, dwight. what's with the shirt? are you all right? >> i'm sorry, michael. >> hi, michael. >> oh, my god. run! run! it's a setup. setup! >> no, mich--michael. >> dwight, run! >> michael, no. let's be cool, okay? >> you be cool. >> yes. >> just--what's goin' on? >> we need to talk about our two companies, and how we should behave. dwight tells me you've been pestering him for company info. >> mm--do... dwight would not-- >> he did. >> i did, michael. i was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now i'm okay with it. >> michael, i want you to stop pestering my salesmen, and i want you to leave dunder mifflin alone. do you understand? >> i...understand...nothing.
no. um. for life's bleachable moments. [ for mcdonald's bold, new jalapeno kicker premium chicken sandwich. and the not too shy jalapeno kicker quarter pounder. the heat comes at you from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. new jalapeno kicker sandwiches, only for a limited time.
there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ honey, don't use your sleeve. for cold and flu season, there's clorox bleach. people swear you just stepped off the mayflower.cy, yeah, you plymouth rocked this dinner because you went to walmart. mom, you own this season. everything to make the perfect thanksgiving meal for less. walmart. >> wow. >> michael, are you all right? >> it was a setup. dwight told charles. he told him. >> tell us what you're talking about. >> yeah. >> it's like a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon. >> we can't help you if you don't just tell us what happened. >> i got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, pam, okay?
i don't know how they did it. they filled the balloon with pee. a funnel? i don't know. is that clear enough for you? >> hey, jim. >> i just totally blew a sales call. >> bro, i do that all the time. >> yeah, well, with you it's different, okay? 'cause i just-- i just suck. i just--i suck! >> tuna, be nice to my friend jim, okay? >> why? when i look in the mirror, i don't like the face that looks back. >> well, so what? your body's a ten. >> forget it. >> jim. >> i said forget it. [phone rings] >> dwight schrute. >> hello, traitor. >> i think you have the wrong number, michael. >> i want you to listen to me, friend and i want you to listen to me good. i am going to come at you, and i'm going to come at you hard.