tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC November 5, 2014 12:36am-1:38am EST
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- martin short -- supermodel coco rocha -- author simon rich -- featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening! [ cheers and applause ] good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."
how is everybody doing tonight? you all sound -- you sound excited. and that's great. today was election day. i know. i just found out, too. [ laughter ] during today's midterm elections republicans are hoping to retake the senate and add over 11 new delegates in the house. this could be the biggest day for white guys since abercrombie met fitch -- [ light laughter ] -- which was a big day. [ applause ] that was a big day. that's right. the midterm elections were held today and so for today only, this is important, for today only, you're a voter and not just a weird old guy hanging around outside a school. [ light laughter ] today only. it wasn't just about candidates today. alaska, oregon and washington, d.c. voted on legalizing marijuana, and if it passes,
that means marijuana will be a little harder to get than it is now. [ light laughter ] "i have to go to the store now? why can't i just call doug?" [ laughter ] "i have to go to the store now?" [ applause ] it's that time of year again. oprah's list of favorite things came out today and includes her book titled "what i know for sure." chapter one. you will buy anything i tell you to. [ laughter ] i know that for sure. [ applause ] this is unfortunate. a woman in arizona is searching for her wedding ring. her wedding ring, after she accidentally gave it out to trick-or-treaters with the halloween candy. police are on the lookout for a boy who has been working on the same ring pop for the last five days. [ laughter and applause ]
a lot of flavor on this thing, but it lasts. usually i knock out a ring pop in, like, half an hour. you know what's interesting? godzilla turned 60 years old yesterday. godzilla turned 60 years old. now after destroying tokyo, he only goes back to the ocean up to his knees. [ laughter and applause ] that's right. godzilla turned 60 yesterday. i heard that in the next movie godzilla will battle his newest enemy, bone density. [ laughter and applause ] speaking of birthdays, next monday sesame street will turn 45. "and yet still no ring," said bert to ernie. [ laughter ] it's funny because i'm -- i always assumed ernie was waiting on bert. [ light laughter ]
just goes to show you from the outside, you cannot judge a relationship. this is just unbelievable. a woman in thailand is recovering after a python -- a python emerged from her toilet, bit her and attempted to drag her back down the drain. she's recovering well and learning to pee standing up. [ laughter and applause ] hey, i don't know if you guys heard this. godzilla turned 60 yesterday. said his friend -- >> happy birthday! [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: and finally one last piece of news. godzilla turned 60 yesterday. nowadays instead of tokyo, he just destroys bathrooms. ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how we doing, everybody? how are you doing, 8g band? everyone good? fred, how are you? >> fred: really good. >> seth: wonderful to have you here. i love talking every night. you are one of the most accomplished -- i hope -- you're one of the most accomplished people i know. >> fred: wow, thank you. >> seth: yeah. and it's funny because i -- every night i get to talk to you about these amazing projects you're doing. and the only thing i thing i worry about is i feel like people at home might think you're just making it up off the top of your head. but what i try to impress upon people is -- you wouldn't do that to me. you wouldn't just make something up, you know. >> fred: mm hm. >> seth: so anyway -- [ laughter ] i heard you're starting a new line of male grooming products. >> fred: i am. [ laughter ] it's anti-lice cream that you put everywhere, like, all over your clothes and just all over your neck and your hair and it's a kind of reddish cream.
[ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> fred: and you just -- it's very thick and it's an anti-lice cream. the lice, adult lice can never get to you. >> seth: you know, adult lice, you don't hear about as much. is that a big problem? >> fred: no, but i mean, i think this is one of those main deterrents. you know, the fact -- you know, it's kind of helping keep them away. >> seth: right. >> fred: and it's kind of a just in case, you know what i mean? just to let people know, hey you have this option of putting on this cream. >> seth: yes. you say you put it on your clothes, as well. a heavy -- it would seem a heavy red cream might be hard to get off your clothes. >> fred: i just don't want lice to think that they can get in through, like, a tie or, like, a buttonhole. [ applause ] >> seth: i see. i see. yeah. >> fred: it's like an outsmarting kind of thing. it's a warning. >> seth: it's more than anything, it's a message to adult lice which is something we're not sure exist. >> fred: that would be exactly right. >> seth: okay great. well, congratulations. what is the product called? >> fred: dr. seth. [ laughter ]
>> seth: i do not approve. i do not approve. [ cheers and applause ] as i mentioned before on the show, my wife and i -- we have a dog, we a 7-pound italian greyhound named frisbee. she's adorable. and i'm one of those dog owners, i'm one of those dads, i'll say it, we call ourselves a mother and father for this dog that we did not create. but i do not like yelling at my dog. i'm a real softie when she does something wrong, she just wins me over. but recently because, you know, she's 2 1/2 now so in dog years she's a teenager, she's snapping at my wife a lot when my wife goes to move her, frisbee will snap at her. you know, mothers and daughters. anyway -- [ laughter ] that's the age when it happens, it happens, trust me. so the other day and alexi has been saying to me, "would you please stand up for me when the dog snaps at me?" so last night frisbee snapped at my wife and again, i never do this but i yelled at frisbee, i said, "frisbee! no!"
she looked at me and she was so hurt. and she was so shocked and hurt and she turned to the side and she threw up. [ laughter ] the trauma, the trauma of me yelling at her turned her insides out. and it was a great move because i'm never yelling at that dog again. i have to say, in real life it would work with people. the next time someone yells at me, i'm throwing up because i got a good feeling that will be the last of that criticism. [ applause ] we have an excellent show for you tonight. the fantastic martin short is here. [ cheers and applause ] that's very exciting. martin short's got a great new memoir. also stopping by, supermodel coco rocha is coming by. [ cheers and applause ] she has a book, as well and we'll be talking about -- with my good friend simon rich about his new book, "spoiled brats" so -- [ cheers and applause ] it's a book mobile show here on "late night." and we're very happy about that.
now -- well, obviously, i read the news a lot. i read a report recently that yellowstone national park is starting plans to install a $34 million fiber optic line because teenagers were complaining about internet and cell phone service. things like this always get me to thinking, i turned 40 last year and sometimes i look around and i don't even recognize the world i'm living in. [ light laughter ] things are changing every day and not always for the better. so i'd just like to take some time and talk about how things when they were a bit more simple -- [ cheers and applause ] back in my day. ♪ >> seth: so yellowstone is spending millions to get better internet for teenagers. well, back in my day we didn't go to national parks to look
down here at our phones. we went to national parks to look up here at our phones because we thought we might get better service if they were closer to the cell phone towers. boy, we were dumb. [ applause ] back in my day, you couldn't get an oprah chai tea at starbucks. you had to get a regular chai tea and then just think about oprah while you drank it. [ laughter ] back in my day, we didn't have to predictive text messaging. if you needed to text your pal the word "kay," you had to open up your razor flip phone and hit the five button twice. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if you wanted to text the number 55, well, friend, it was easier just to call them and say it. back in my day, we couldn't get a cronut at dunkin' donuts. if we wanted a cronut without waiting in line at a fancy bakery, we'd have to buy both a
croissant and a doughnut and take alternating bites masking it all together inside our mouths before we swallowed it. it was as disgusting as it was delicious. back in my day, taylor swift wasn't releasing an album called "1989" about break-ups, relationships and haters. she was releasing an album called "red" about haters and relationships and breakups. [ laughter ] stuff that people cared about. but it was catchy then and it's catchy now. back in my day we didn't buy skinny jeans. we bought regular jeans and then we got fat. [ laughter ] probably, from all of our mouth made of the cronuts. back in my day taking a selfie wasn't so easy. no, it took hard work. you had to turn the phone all the way around so you couldn't even see yourself and then turn it back around to see if it came out all right. it could go on for hours. i guess we just knew the value of patience back then.
and taking a picture that nobody wanted to see in the first place. back in my day you didn't buy a lincoln because matthew mcconaughey said you should. you bought a lincoln because you were an elderly woman or taxi driver. and back then -- back then if you were taking advice from matthew mcconaughey, you wouldn't be driving anything because you were way too stoned. [ laughter ] all right? all right? all right. and finally, back in my day, christmas wasn't about cyber monday deals. it was about being with your family and then realizing you hadn't gotten presents for them yet and then ordering those presents on amazon for overnight delivery and getting bent over and screwed on the shipping charges. what ever happened to that christmas? well, i'm sorry i had to do that, but you know, sometimes this grumply old gramps has got to get his grouch on.
[ cheers and applause ] this has been "back in my day." we'll be right back with martin short after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know certain cartoon characters should never have an energy drink? action! blah-becht-blah- blublublub-blah!!! geico®. introducing the birds of america collection. fifty stunning, hand-painted plates, commemorating the state birds of our proud nation. blah-becht-blah- blublublub-blah!!! geico®. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. what if your morning routine... weren't so routine introducting one a day vitacraves chewy bites... ...complete multivitamins with nutrients like... ...b vitamins... ...and vitamin d...
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>> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. this is very exciting for me. our first guest tonight is an emmy and tony award winning comedian, actor, and writer. you can currently see him staring in the fox sitcom "mulaney." and he's also the author of this great new memoir chronicling his last five decades-long career in show business. it's called "i must say: my life as a humble comedy legend." [ light laughter ] and it's in stores today. please welcome the one and only martin short. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: so great to have you here. >> it is great to be here. i haven't seen you since scientology-con. >> seth: that's right.
that's right. that's a nice event. >> my goodness gracious. and you're doing such wonderful things since you got fired from "snl." [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you. yeah, i bounced back. >> that was tough, right? >> seth: it was tough. it was very unexpected. >> well, i knew. >> seth: oh, you did. >> most people knew. [ laughter ] fred knew. we all knew. >> seth: right. >> no, but that blog on hair care you're doing is fantastic. >> seth: thank you. >> is it profitable? >> seth: it's not really. not yet. we haven't reached the break even point. >> i love the new -- i didn't know you had an audience, because you couldn't tell during the monologue so -- [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> and look at questlove. that's not how i expected him. [ laughter ] >> seth: no, that's not -- >> hi, fred. i love fred. fred looks like the hacker in every movie who says to the villain at one point, "dude, i need more time." [ laughter ] >> seth: it is. that is the perfect part for fred to play. >> it's a perfect part. a genius fred.
>> seth: you have got -- you have such a memory for everything that's happened in five decades. how do you remember it all? >> it is a weird thing. i thought everyone had this memory. i can remember -- you know, i have three kids and i can you know, like -- i was able to raise them by saying, "oh, oliver is 22, four months. where was i at 22, four months?" it's like, you know -- it's kind of like that marilu henner thing. that hsam, or whatever it's called. >> seth: yeah. you can't remember? [ laughter ] >> well, the other day, i was trying to, you know, i was telling someone, "you know, i have that weird memory thing like marilu --" i couldn't remember "henner." so, i realized it's not exactly like marilu. >> seth: great showbiz stories. also great pre-showbiz stories. stealing a frozen cat. explain to our good audience to what would lead such an upstanding person like you to steal -- >> well, i was going to be a doctor for a while. >> seth: okay. >> i didn't care what science. i was a fan of the tv show "quincy" as a child. and i wanted to go into
medicine, but i wouldn't to go to classes. you know, that's a problem. >> seth: yeah. >> so, at one point in my anatomy class, i was so far behind that my girlfriend and i went and we stole a frozen cat. you know, it was dead. >> seth: yeah. >> and stole a frozen cat from the frozen cat section of the university. and i took it home to make up for the -- and i was dissecting it and my old 17-year-old cat tiger came in, and tiger was, like, the fat -- was 17, overweight. the worms in her stool had type 2 diabetes, that's how fat tiger was. [ laughter ] i don't want to say she was fat, but she went -- it was horrible. >> seth: yeah. i can't imagine a cat seeing you dissecting another cat. it would not soon forget. >> no, it was rough. i have only had one other pet. i have a dog, reggie, who is also morbidly obese. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> no, reggie not only drinks,
but eats from the toilet bowl. [ audience groans ] no! >> seth: no! >> come on! >> seth: reggie? he might be watching. >> reggie's been on jenny craig more times than mr. craig. thank you! [ light laughter ] >> seth: and you dog sit -- and it seems to be that you raise your pets to be obese. this is on you, by the way. [ laughter ] this is a reflection on you as a pet owner. they don't get fat on their own. they need a little help. >> yeah, i feed them all day long. i'm not going to go by the rule of once a day. >> seth: but you dog sat for gilda radner. >> i used to go out with gilda. >> seth: yeah. >> lucky me, for a couple years off and on. we'd break up all of the time and get back. but she had a really obnoxious little dog. a little yorkie and she -- gilda had two pets. she had a three-legged cat named muffin and a yorkie named snuffy. >> seth: oh, no. >> so right away you're not a fan. >> seth: yeah.
>> but she went to visit her mom in detroit, and she told me to take care of snuffy. so i went to visit my brother brian and his wife in a neighboring town. and they had a little 5-year-old -- she's no longer five, but at the time, my niece was 5. and all they would do is give snuffy cheese, velveeta cheese and cheese strips. and i was talking to gilda and gilda said, "oh, one other thing, don't ever feed snuffy anything dairy. she's allergic." and as she said that i looked over, and snuffy just -- it was like a opossum exploded, you know? just covered. and so i rushed her into -- the next morning, i rushed her into a -- [ laughter ] well, you know, i had stuff to do. >> seth: you had stuff to do. you were visiting family. >> oh, please. snuffy schmuffy. >> seth: right.
>> snuffy's good. a couple of days later, i rushed her into a dog boutique. coat was matted. and it looked like an aerial view of dresden, you know? and then they kind of scrubbed her and put little bows on her and i picked gilda up at the train station and she said, "why does snuffy look so weird?" i said, "she missed you, baby." >> seth: will you stick around because i have showbiz questions for you. >> oh, i don't know. >> seth: please? >> all right, all right. >> seth: we'll be right back with more from martin short! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i hait's tough, but severi've managed.ease. but managing my symptoms was all i was doing. so when i finally told my doctor, he said humira is for adults like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. and that in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief.
and many achieved remission. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible. ♪
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♪on a tuesday, they locked me up in jail...♪ aunt: ....oh! ....it is you big grown-up! ♪...on a wednesday my trial was attested...♪ aunt: you look beautiful! ♪...they said guilty and the judges gavel fell.♪ irl: hey! uncle: he! girl: not yet! ♪...i got stripes around my shoulders...♪ (crying baby) ♪...and them chains... ♪...them chains... girl: hi! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," we're here with martin short. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello! >> seth: and you know, i think you have stories about -- you've obviously had a very successful career. and you have stories about early failures because i think it's good for young people to read that it didn't come easy for you. like, you had an early audition for tang that didn't go great. >> yeah, i did. it was bad. when i was, like, 26, and, you
know, you would go to these commercial auditions and you would go into a room of, like, 14 guys sitting there with their 8 x 10 pictures and they all kind of look like you. >> seth: right. >> and you think, "wow. how do i stand out?" i've got to stand out to get attention. so i'm sitting there with all of these guys and we had the copy for the tang commercial or, you know? and i think i have a brilliant idea. so i took a sharpie and i drew a mustache and a goatee on my 8 x 10 picture. >> seth: right. >> and then they collected all of the pictures and then i went into the bathroom and drew with a sharpie a mustache and a goatee on my own face. [ laughter and applause ] -- and then -- and then i went in and the guy is sitting there. and he looks at my 8 x 10 and looks at me and looks at it and doesn't comment.
"so have you read the copy?" [ laughter ] no. not really. and it's all smeared and i didn't get it. it's a horrible time because you're all -- every time you fail at something, which is most of the time, you assume that it's all because you did it badly and it's not. it's not. it's usually when you get on the other side that you realize it's because you're too small or too big or in my case, covered with sharpie mustache. [ laughter ] >> seth: -- you were like nature telling them to steer clear of this. >> this guy, by the way, whatever became of him? >> seth: it was spielberg, right? >> yes, it was. it was spielberg. >> seth: you, on "mulaney," you play a showbiz legend and in your younger days you would work with showbiz legends. well, you worked with tony bennett when you were a young man. >> i worked with tony bennett. well, you know, i was, at times just a singer. i was just -- >> seth: what age was this?
>> i'm 24. >> seth: okay. >> at the time. and it was a show, a variety show in canada called "everything goes." [ scattered cheers ] and -- oh, come on! no way! anyway, or canada, maybe, you're doing it. [ scattered cheers ] there you go, and "everything goes" was hosted by norm crosby. at the time and i would be on once a week and i was the young boy singer and i would sing songs from "pippen" or, you know, something like that or, i don't know what i was doing. so i had long kind of andy gibb hair and bad culottes -- and nothing worked. but anyway, i looked at the rundown, and tony bennett, my idol was going to be on the show. i thought, "oh, my god, this is too exciting." and i said, "wait a second. i don't want to sing near tony bennett." don't worry. don't worry. it was a 90-minute show, nightly. tony bennett is opening the show and trust me, you'll be long near the end of the show. and i said okay.
but there was a snowstorm that night in toronto for a change, and -- [ laughter ] tony was late so they started the show and now it's about 15 minutes left in the show and tony arrives and he comes through the door. "i love to sing." [ singing ] ♪ forget your troubles come on get happy ♪ and they said, "wait, tony. let's wait until you get on the stage." and he kills and sang -- [ singing ] ♪ when joanna left me everyday was summer ♪ and people are screaming. and in the middle of it someone goes, "you're next." and i said, "no, no, no, no, no. i can't be next. i can't follow tony. you don't follow a singer with a singer." and they said, "watch." [ laughter ] and they -- and they -- because there's a rule in show business. >> seth: and certainly not in that order. you don't go from tony bennett. >> like madonna. you can't look at madonna while she's approaching stage or during foreplay. everyone knows that. [ laughter ]
>> seth: interesting. interesting. >> so they set up my stool as tony is killing upstage and then he finishes -- [ singing ] ♪ once in a lifetime and people go nuts. and then it cuts back to norm crosby. "and now here's a kid who really sings good, marty short." and i'm sitting there and i go, "what a spot following tony bennett." [ light laughter ] nothing. and -- that cricket thing, and suddenly i'm singing a stevie wonder song "you and i," and i go -- ♪ here we are on earth together it's you and me ♪ and i'm already wrong because it's "you and i." and at that point i forget every lyric to the song, and i not only start making up the lyrics, but i subconsciously, i start impersonating tony bennett. [ laughter ] so i go -- ♪ our love was made
and it was made and heaven, too ♪ ♪ i sure want some stew [ laughter ] you and i you and i you and i ♪ horrible. bombed, sweat, perspiration. and it was a disaster and then i finished and i'm in the bathroom and i'm throwing cold water on my face and tony comes in. he's got his coat on and he looks at me and he looked at me and said "you froze good, kid. good night!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it's such a good book. congratulations. thank you for writing it. martin short, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth meyers, everybody! >> seth: "my life as a humble comedy legend" is in stores today. "mulaney" airs sunday nights on fox. we'll be right back with coco rocha. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [singing to himself] "here she comes now sayin' mony mony".
["mony mony" by billy idol kicks in on car stereo] ♪don't stop now come on mony♪ ♪come on yeah ♪i say yeah ♪yeah ♪yeah ♪yeah ♪yeah ♪yeah ♪yeah ♪'cause you make me feel like a pony♪ ♪so good ♪like your pony ♪so good ♪ride the pony the sentra, with bose audio and nissanconnect technology. spread your joy. nissan. innovation that excites. [singing] ♪mony mony so dude. what'sthey're super soft.s? yeah, but why don't you just wear a hanes comfortblend shirt? it's just as soft as those kittens, but ya know, it's a shirt. but i got it off skymall . try hanes comfortblend. softness for the whole family. you know how fast you were going? about 55. where you headed at such an appropriate speed? across the country to enhance the nation's most reliable 4g lte network. how's it working for ya? better than ever. how'd you do it? added cell sites. increased capacity. and your point is... so you can download music, games, and directions for the road when you need them. who's this guy?
>> seth: welcome! there you go! very nicely done. >> i felt like i had to outdo martin's legs. >> seth: now we're really raising the bar for our next guest. >> clearly. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i don't know what simon's gonna do. >> i don't know -- >> seth: he'll have to flip over the chair. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: this is such a fascinating book. your life as a supermodel, jean paul gaultier wrote the intro to this, who you worked with a lot on runway shows and he's made you do? >> many things. >> seth: some crazy things. >> some weird things. >> seth: i think people think of as very like, basic and walk down, turn around and go back. you once had to be on crutches. >> yes, as a mermaid. >> seth: as a mermaid. >> that's what one does. [ light laughter ] >> seth: so you wore a mermaid tail. >> mm hm. >> seth: feet restricted. >> restricted. hence the crutches. so down half way, he told me on the runway. and then pause, throw your crutches out into the audience. >> seth: right.
>> and then to unzip my fin and walk. so i thought, perfect. we practiced it and do it and i throw them out and all of a sudden i get down and my zipper is broken. and now i'm thinking, "well, i don't have crutches anymore, and i'm going to be hopping down this runway." so i decide to rip the couture gown and just go for it, but i think a lot of people were a little confused with what was really going on. >> seth: that's why you don't let kids goes to runway shows because fans of disney would have thought "what's happening to this mermaid?" [ laughter ] >> clearly. >> seth: first of all, she's not that little. she's on crutches and now she's ripping her own fin off. [ laughter ] >> there would have been screaming kids in the audience. >> seth: -- you were asked to fight another model on the runway. >> yes. there was this model who was also pregnant. >> seth: oh, my goodness. >> at the time -- so i wasn't allowed to fight her. she was fighting me. >> seth: that is a rule with pregnant ladies. [ light laughter ] >> a rule. >> seth: let them fight you. you cannot fight them. [ applause ] >> no. yeah. and gaulier said, "you're fine with that, right?" "yeah, sure." so i go and we get into a mud
fight. like there's this mud pile in the middle. but what was so funny was that people watching us thought it was real. and they started to come up to save us, but i'm thinking, "it's mud. [ light laughter ] like, this isn't normal." >> seth: the mud should let you know something's up. >> but i guess it was great acting. great acting. >> seth: that's what everybody said. they believed you were a mermaid with a busted achilles and they believed that that was a real fight with a pregnant lady. [ light laughter ] >> apparently, yes. >> seth: there is also some danger pay required for some of the things you've had to do in your career. you did a shoot once where -- did they want the room to be on fire? what was on fire? >> they wanted the room to be on fire, but of course, safety first, so they got pyrotechnicians to make sure everything is safe. but if your job is to be a pyrotechnician you most likely love fire. >> seth: right. >> so i don't think they cared much about the safety. so i was put into an area in the room where there was no room to leave. and then it was like flames.
and i couldn't move and they're, like, "more flames! more flames!" and i'm, like, "safety! safety." i'm on the second floor in the building so i just kept thinking, "is this going to drop? what's going to happen?" >> seth: also, you know what i would be thinking? do they not know about photoshop? >> that's the thing! [ light laughter ] no. this one photographer believes in having the moment. i don't know if it was method acting, but i felt like i was a method actor at that point. >> seth: he's like, "i believe in having the moment. i'll be over here behind the camera." >> yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: so this is so impressive. this book, "study of pose," this it is 1,000 poses. >> correct. >> seth: you are known for being great at posing. -- not only can i not pose, i can't even show poses >> that's all right. >> seth: do you mind? let's walk over and i want you to show me how to do some poses. >> let's do it. [ cheers ] >> seth: so there are a thousand poses. could someone please yell a number from one to 1,000. [ audience yelling ] >> seth: 400. 400, all right. 400 is --
i think i'll be able to do this one. >> i think we can do that one. >> seth: here's 400. why don't you start and set me a bass line for that stuff. [ light laughter ] >> this is serious stuff, guys. [ laughter ] all right. air. so notice air. i'm jumping. we're jumping. >> seth: oh, we're jumping? >> like this? >> seth: great. this is called -- i guess this is -- [ cheers and applause ] that's called -- that's called sexy jump to grab the last apple. >> we made it numbers so that people like you would make names. >> seth: we name the names because you just did numbers? >> because we only did numbers. >> seth: that's great. i like that that's a plan and not just laziness, because it sounds a little lazy. one over there. >> audience member: 27. >> seth: 27. i like with the thousand you kept it low. don't go crazy. oh, i'm going to be able to do this one. >> all right. pretty easy. this is what you do in the morning, don't you? >> seth: yeah. this is -- right.
[ cheers and applause ] i call that one -- the gym's not really working. >> seth: one more in the middle. >> audience member: 713. >> seth: 713. let's go to 713. last one. i hope it's a hard one. >> guys, i don't know them, just so you know. i have not memorized them. >> seth: you're not the weird rain man that knows all of the -- >> no. >> seth: what would you call this one? >> you tell me. crouching tiger. >> seth: why did you make me see this horror movie? [ light laughter ] >> i can't even do it. i'm embarrassed to do this one, guys. >> seth: this is very -- [ cheers and applause ] if you're a girl, if you're a girl at a school dance and a kid you don't want to dance with starts walking over -- [ laughter ] he'll know. he'll know right away. thank you so much. >> thank you. >> seth: there are still 997 poses to go.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our next guest is an emmy-nominated writer, novelist, and contributor to "the new yorker." his latest book of short stories, "spoiled brats", is available in stores and online. please welcome my good friend, simon rich. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: thank you so much for being here. this is really exciting to be with you at 30 rock. we worked together at "snl" for four years. >> it's great to be back. thanks so much for having me. >> seth: of course. and one of the things i love asking people who worked at "snl," was would do you remember a sketch of yours that you wrote that didn't make it on the show? >> there are too many to count. i was responsible for a lot of failed sketches, as you remember. >> seth: yes, but great sketches.
but definitely ones that the audience did not care for. >> that's right. and my favorite of those failures i wrote with marika sawyer and john mulaney. and it was a parody of "the babysitter's club." in this sketch, a new babysitter joined the club and she was a 65-year-old filipino woman -- [ laughter ] and she had joined the babysitter's club, not so much to have fun, but more out of financial necessity. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> and she did not get along with the gossiping tweens -- >> seth: right. >> --in the group. >> seth: and i remember -- you want to tell everybody who played the 65-year-old guatemalan lady? >> it was fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] he did the best he could with the material. >> seth: absolutely. you've been incredibly prolific. you're 30 years old, four short story collections, two novels. what is the biggest difference, what are the advantages and disadvantages between writing fiction and writing sketch comedy for television? >> well, the biggest advantage to writing sketch comedy,
especially for a great show like "snl," is you have access to these brilliant, talented actors that will elevate your mediocre material. so my trick, when i was writing for "snl", is if i was writing a sketch and the script was going poorly, on page five, i could say something like, "bill enters." and all of a sudden it's like, a pretty good sketch. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but in a novel, it's harder to do that. >> seth: yeah. you can't really, in a novel, say kristin wiig walks in the door. >> sometimes you wish you could. >> seth: you wrote -- "last girlfriend on earth" was a book of yours that is now being developed into a television show for fx called "man seeking woman"? >> seth: so this is a great show. it's very hard to describe to people so we have a clip. why don't you try to explain -- >> sure thing. yeah, so, it's a sitcom starring the very funny jay baruchel. and in this episode he finds out his ex-girlfriend is dating somebody new.
and she's dating this older rich guy and he's still in love with her, so he's really upset that she's dating this new guy. especially when he learns that the guy is adolf hitler. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] do his friends take his side on this? >> his friends do not take his side. his friends think hitler is worth giving a shot to. they know he's a little bit sketchy. jay hates him, thinks he's the worst, and his friends are like, "you just don't like him because he's dating maggie." >> seth: here is a clip of this. and we should say that bill hader is playing 137-year-old adolf hitler in this clip. let's take a look. [ cheers ] >> i am adolf hitler. >> i am josh greenberg. >> greenberg. uh-oh! uh-oh! [ laughter ] that's a jew. he's a target. there's one in our midst. >> you can just throw that down over there. >> oh, good. yeah.
>> i've heard so much about you, josh. >> yeah. i'm fairly well-versed in you. >> wikipedia. >> yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i can't wait. >> thank you. thanks. >> seth: have you ever wanted to perform in any of the things you've written? >> you know, people ask me a lot like, why have i never tried to perform. and the answer is it's not that i haven't tried. it's just that i'm very bad at it. >> seth: okay. >> people don't believe how bad i am, so i always tell this story, which is i had friends who were writing for "30 rock" and they based a character on me. the character was even named simon, and it was tina fey's agent. and they called me and said, "why don't you come downstairs and audition to play this part that we wrote that's based on you? just be yourself." and i didn't even get a callback. [ laughter ] and that's when i -- yeah. >> seth: you did appear a couple of times on "snl." "weekend update" would always use writers for the punchline.
if the joke needed a picture, we would use writers. these were a couple of your appearances. do you remember what this was here? >> that was -- i believe that was marvel comics is downsizing. [ laughter ] >> seth: there's simon as the incredible hulk. and i like this one. i can't remember what this joke was, but i don't know. it's like the white harlem globetrotters. but it is actually, when you look at it, kind of an all-star writing staff. 'cause you've got ryan perez, mike o brien, brian tucker, john mulaney, and yourself. so really it turns our to be very harlem globetrotter for sketch writing. >> thank you. you know, i worked very hard to you know, learn that character. [ laughter ] i studied acting. >> seth: you were real method about it. i remember. >> always dribbling everywhere i went. >> seth: i love this new book so much. there are two different stories, "animals," which is the point of view of a hamster in a middle school talking about what monsters the kids are. and then the other one is "sellout", which is the point of view of through time travel, your great-great-grant father gets to meet you as a 27-year-old.
>> yes. >> seth: -- both these characters are named simon rich and they're terrible people. how much are they based on the real simon rich? >> 100%. [ laughter ] >> seth: "animals" is the best. it is so great, because from a hamster's point of view, you are the worst kid. were you a terrible kid? >> oh, i was awful. yeah, i was jacked up on sugar constantly and pretty much just quoting sitcoms ad nauseam. repeating "what you talking 'bout, willis?" at full voice, screaming for 20 to 22 hours a day. and in the story it's told from the perspective of a hamster who tragically is relying on me for sustenance. this is sort of a spoiler alert, but a lot of his family dies, because i'm too busy quoting shows. >> seth: and i like that the hamster in the story has the self-awareness to know that what you're saying isn't funny and he's very disappointed in the other kid for laughing at you. >> yes. it fills him with fury. >> seth: you can tell he's been around for a couple of middle school classes, because he
braces himself when they're talking about the planets, because he knows once uranus is mentioned it will be bedlam. >> yes, he tries to cover his ears, but unfortunatley his paws aren't long enough to cover his ears. so, when they get to uranus it's just a hell. [ applause ] >> seth: it's just a hell for that poor hamster. it's such a great book. i am so excited for the show. it's so great to have you here. >> thank you so much. thanks. >> seth: simon rich, everybody. check out "spoiled brats" and check out "man seeking woman" coming to fxx. we'll be back soon. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> carson: hey, what's happening? my name is carson daly, thank you for being here. this is "last call" tonight, from queen of the night at the paramount hotel. got a great show for you, i'm going to tell you all about it. right now, in the "spotlight", we're going to break down the new buzzed about book, "dataclysm." for our music tonight, we have a legendary sludge act melivns preforming from the troubadour stage, which is cool. but first, you know we had megan amram on this show, a couple years back and she was talking about finding fame in the world of twitter. well, since then, she's gone on to write for "parks and recreation", and is here tonight to talk about her new book entitled, "science...for her." for more, let's head over to the federal bar and check in, again, with the very funny megan amram.