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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  November 12, 2014 12:36am-1:38am EST

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- david hyde pierce -- senator elizabeth warren -- from "mom," actor matt jones -- featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great to hear.
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great to hear. today is veteran's day. give it up for our veterans. [ cheers and applause ] and i just want to say a special thank you to all of the brave men and women who make it safe for people like me to put on makeup and tell jokes in the middle of the night. [ laughter ] thank you. thank you for your service. [ applause ] this is nice. a veterans day concert was held tonight at the national mall in washington, d.c., featuring bruce springsteen, rihanna and carrie underwood. so if you're a fan of bruce springsteen, rihanna and carrie underwood, who are you? [ laughter ] i want to know everything about you. you're a mystery to me. [ laughter ] but i'm intrigued. there's a summit of world leaders happening in china right now, and president obama is facing criticism after he was seen chewing gum while walking to the meeting in china.
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president bush would have never done that. [ laughter ] but only because he can't walk and chew gum at the same time. [ cheers and applause ] here's a little good news. the fbi announced yesterday that the national murder rate is at its lowest point since 1968. [ cheers & applause ] also at his lowest point, "dateline's" keith morrison. [ as keith morrison ] "with all of the murders gone, what am i to report on?" listen to this, the mormon church said this week that their founder joseph smith may have had between 30 and 40 wives. and just to be safe, he started every conversation with "happy anniversary!"
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[ laughter ] this is alarming. a man in florida has been sentenced to six months in prison -- six months in prison for stockpiling weapons at a compound just 11 miles from disney world. 11 miles from disney world. so, in the parking lot? [ laughter ] i think that's -- [ applause ] i parked in thumper 94 once, and it was about a half marathon. you guys, there's a new study out. we get so excited about new studies here at "late night." according to a new study, 65% of women prefer sleep over sex. 65% of women prefer sleep over sex, which i don't understand. why would anyone want to sleep for two and a half minutes? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what do you even get out of that?
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this is incredible. a woman in china turned down her boyfriend when he proposed to her using 99 new iphones arranged in a heart. and it's a good thing she turned him down, because it sounds like he's terrible with money. a lot of things can make hearts. you don't have to use an iphone. roses are expensive, but they're not iphone expensive. this is pretty cool. a restaurant in beijing has opened up a museum dedicated solely to the dish peking duck. the museum tracked the history of the dish all the way back to the "duck dynasty." [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] i've been shot. i've been shot by my own joke. oh, my god. [ laughter ] oh, by my own joke.
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oh, what a way to go. it went off in my pocket. [ laughter ] ooh, ooh. it made me laugh so hard earlier today. oh! and then nobody -- not one of you. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god. [ laughter ] get ready, because i'm about to get you guys back. finally, friday was world vasectomy day. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and just in time for christmas, because now those balls are ornamental. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, that's the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how we doing, 8g band?
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you guys good over there? >> fred: great. >> seth: that's great. fred, it's so lovely to have you here. it's just such a delight to talk to you every night. we've known each other so long now. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: and yet, i feel every time as though every time i talk to you i get to find out something new and incredible about you. you have so many amazing projects, and i'm so proud to be your friend. [ light laughter ] and the only thing i worry about is that sometimes people watching at home might think you're making it up off the top of your head, but i know that you wouldn't do that. as my friend, you wouldn't -- [ laughter ] you wouldn't lie to me. well, i heard this. there's pop-up stores all over new york now for christmas, and i heard that you opened a pop-up store for thanksgiving. >> fred: yes, i did. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. so, what is it? >> fred: it's a store -- we sell different little sculptures of alexander graham bell. [ laughter ] different sizes. you know, little scenarios where he's, like, inventing the telephone. >> seth: i'm sorry. so this is for the holiday of thanksgiving, you've opened a store that just celebrate --
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you sell alexander graham bell themed items? >> fred: yeah, because my thought was, like, that's a time when you all your family and stuff, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> seth: yes. >> fred: why not celebrate -- you know? [ cheers and applause ] like, the root of it. where it all came from. >> seth: gotcha. >> fred: and just, you know, really nice sculptures and stuff. and pictures, calendars. >> seth: but, it's all alexander -- it's not of the phone itself, it's of him? >> fred: it's of him. >> seth: gotcha. >> fred: more than anything else. >> seth: that's great. and is it just open until thanksgiving? >> fred: yeah, just until thanksgiving. until thanksgiving morning, 6:00 a.m, so get in there earlier. >> seth: wait, it's open -- it closes at 6:00 a.m. on thanksgiving? >> fred: yeah, on thanksgiving, so you can actually go back and be with your family. >> seth: very nice. so it's like a reverse black friday, where you want to say get out of here. and what's the name of it? >> fred: fred's emporium of sculptures of alexander graham bell. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's a bad name. >> fred: i'm -- >> seth: it's a bad name. >> fred: yeah. >> seth: i love you, but that's a bad name. well, i'll have to -- and where
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is it real quick? just for everybody -- >> fred: right downstairs. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] we've got such an excellent show for you tonight. david hyde pierce is here. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to him. also stopping by to talk about the midterms and her new book, "a fighting chance," senator elizabeth warren will be joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] very excited about that. and you know him as badger from "breaking bad," and now he's on the hit show of "mom." the very funny matt jones will be joining us. i've known matt for a very long time, which is why it's embarrassing i -- [ mumbles ] jones, matt jones. you know, this is the thing. you know, a lot of times whenever people ask me how we come up with the jokes for the monologue, i'm always happy to tell them, because we have -- i believe that we have a very cool writing process here for our monologue, and i'm really proud of it. now, in other late night shows, the writers will read the news, and then they will write jokes that correspond to those news stories. but our writers have a different system. our writers come up with their punch lines, they write their
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punch lines without ever reading the news at all. and then, what they do is they write those punch lines down on little pieces of scrap paper and they throw them into something that we call the joke bucket. then, when something happens in the news, i read through these punch lines right here, and i find the right ones that go with the news stories. so we showed everyone this process in the show once before. it's time to write some new jokes. so i've got my news cards here handy. and i'm going to read them, and then we will get this going. so, here's a good one. this is a news story from this week. a bakery in buffalo has started selling bagels covered with ground up flaming hot cheetos. okay, that's very good. so now we find a punch line to match that. airline officials became suspicious when they saw he was wearing an ebola tie. no, not quite right. [ laughter ] another one here. i guess you could say for his 95th birthday he was the death of the party. again, not quite right. it's definitely a punch line,
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but it doesn't work. come on. a bakery is making bagels covered in cheetos. the bagels are baked and so are the people buying them. there we go. that's a joke. so, whenever i complete a joke, i take the two parts and i staple it together. and then i give it my stamp of approval, and then i sign it. and then i ring a bell, and i put it in the completed joke bucket. there we go. [ laughter ] just like that. [ applause ] so as you can see, it's an incredibly, incredibly efficient way of doing jokes. so why don't we see if we can do another one. here we go. a woman who writes fan fiction about one direction got a book deal to turn her stories into a novel. okay, let's find a punch line. all right, the shocked couple told the realtor, "actually we wanted to see exposed brick." [ laughter ] okay, not bad, but it doesn't quite work. critics are calling it a tour de fart. no, that's not quite right.
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here we go. how you doing, 8g band? okay, sorry. that should actually be in the banter with my band bucket, which we keep right here. so that will just go in here. other banter with the band things. looking good, 8g band. wow, you guys sound great. here's another example. hey, guys. oh, that's really good. i'm going to use that right now. hey, guys. very good. all right. [ applause ] so, all right, sorry. where were we? keep it out here. hey, a woman is writing a one direction fan-fiction novel. here we go. put that here. put that there. all right. the woman is celebrating, obviously alone. there you go. that's a joke. [ applause ] so we take our joke, we staple it. we stamp it. we sign it. and we ring the joke bell, just like that. all right, that was such a good joke that i'm going to give it a good job sticker. so, i take off the good job sticker here, i put it on here,
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and i put it in the completed joke bucket. see how efficient this is? it's amazing. you guys having a good time? [ cheers and applause ] you are? just to be sure, i'm going to dig into the pump up the audience pail. so, here we go. should we do another? >> audience: yeah! [ light laughter ] >> seth: i can't hear you. [ cheers and applause ] works every time. i love you, pail, and you too, buckets. don't get jealous of pail. okay, let's do another one here. transit riders in new york are reporting that a used condom has been tied to a pole on the f-train for three weeks. okay, that seems like a good one. so here we go. guantanamo bay, guantanamo problems. no. that's a very good punch line. gee, spot, i can't even find her house. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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the pope's free u2 album with netflix streaming crack with rob ford and taylor swift spotify. okay, so i think one of my writers threw a bunch of topical references in there hoping that would work. all right, i guess his favorite song was "chandelier," but it was also the thing that killed him. no, not quite right. come one, a condom has been tied to the pole on the f-train for three weeks. even worse, some guy is still wearing it. there we go. that's a joke. so, we staple it, we stamp it, we sign it, we ring the joke bell, we sticker it -- and we give it a kiss, and then we take all of the jokes and -- this is very important -- we take all of the jokes, and we put them into a joke envelope. and once we get them into the joke envelope, we do what? we staple it, we stamp it, we ring the bell, we put a stamp on it, and then we sign it. and then, in order to make sure
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the jokes get delivered correctly, i give it to rusty, my pony express mailman. rusty? all right. so, rusty, i need you to deliver these jokes safe and sound. >> you got it, seth! >> seth: all right, thank you, rusty. and now -- [ cheers ] and now we just sit here, and we listen to make sure that rusty gets out of the building. [ horse whinny ] >> come on, chestnut! we got jokes to deliver! [ hooves clacking ] whoa, chestnut. just going to head on to the first floor here. okay? get on into the elevator here. here we go. down to one. >> say, that's a nice looking horse. do you mind if i pet him? >> i don't know if that's such a good idea, mister. [ horse whinny ] no, chestnut! easy there, girl. you kicked that man's head clean off. [ children yelling ] oh no, a children's tour group. well, that's a fortuitous set of circumstances.
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>> seth: see, it's the perfect system. we'll be right back with david hyde pierce. [ cheers & applause ] ♪ wouldn't it be nice if we focused less on the number and more on how the fit makes us feel? start your day bursting with real berries. and slip into size sassy. with special k.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our first guest tonight is a multiple emmy and tony award winner. he's recently returned to
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television where he can be seen on the hit drama "the good wife," which airs sunday nights on cbs. let's take a look. >> you asked me to endorse you. >> yes, i would love your endorsement. >> i'm disgusted -- by the personal nature of politics. i hate campaigns being treated like bad reality shows. our lives are exposed and human beings treated like -- commodities. >> yeah. i hate it, too. >> so, i've decided to run for state's attorney. the only way to change it is to have skin in the game. so, i can't endorse you. i have resigned from cbs. i intend to run by petition. >> you could have called me to say that. >> yes, i could have. but i wanted to give you my reason. >> seth: please welcome david hyde pierce. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: how are you? >> wow. i'm -- i'm good. i'm okay. now that i know how jokes are made, though. i almost didn't come out. >> seth: yeah, it's fascinating. no, it's like seeing sausage get made. it's not pretty. >> exactly, exactly. even the buckets. listen, before we do what we're about to do, i have to do a shout out to prince amukamara. >> seth: yes, of the new york giants? >> that's right. corner for the new york giants, and he just -- he's out for the season because he had torn a bicep and had surgery recently. he's doing well. and we met, like, six months ago at a fundraiser for the alzheimer's association because we both support that cause. and when we were introduced, my arm was in a sling and he asked me what happened. and i said i had torn my rotator cuff. and he said, "oh, did you do it playing football?" [ laughter ] and in my entire life, no one has ever said those words to me.
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[ laughter ] so, he instantly became my hero. so, i just wanted to say to him -- heal well. i heard the surgery went well, and did you do it over-acting? [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: it's nice to have a hero. it's nice to have a hero. you were here in this building years ago. i was at "snl" for a long time, but yet you hosted even before i was there. >> no, i was before you were probably even -- how old are you? >> seth: i'm 40. so, i was watching. >> you look good for 40. >> seth: thank you very much. you look good as well. i mean, i'm sorry about the rotator cuff. [ light laughter ] >> things just fall -- and that's the thing, it wasn't football. it wasn't anything. it's just i'm 55, and they just fall off or fall out. [ laughter ] >> seth: you're lucky you have the other one. >> yes. thanks. >> seth: but you hosted in '95. and you were in a sketch that i still remember with -- because it was such a farley sketch. >> yeah, well, that was the season that janeane garofalo was on, chris farley. who else? david spade, mike myers, senator al franken -- >> seth: that's right. >> yeah, a lot of good people. and what was -- oh, the sketch
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with chris, that was the year that "little women" came out. >> seth: yes. >> and "little women" was a -- there we are. >> seth: there you go. it's a lovely picture of you. [ laughter and applause ] >> i haven't seen that in so long. "little women" was a period film, and the joke was that everyone spoke very properly. and we did this sketch where we were sitting around the pond. we actually had a pond. and chris was the first -- we went out ice skating on it. >> seth: i think people may -- ell, maybe they don't remember what happened. >> and then the ice broke. [ laughter ] and he fell. and he just started swearing a blue streak. and then one by one, all of us had, for one reason or other, fell in. >> seth: it was not -- the language you used was not very "little women" friendly. >> no, no. and there was a whole debate about -- well, just find lip-readers, and can we actually say these things? and i forget what they did. they put hands in front of our mouths or something. >> seth: oh, well, there you go. >> he was such a crazy genius. >> seth: so, you're back and doing television with "the good wife." you've had a very -- you did 11 years on "frasier," which is amazing. you were nominated for an emmy
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every single year of the 11, which is great. [ cheers and applause ] and now, you're back. and one of the main differences, of course, is this show shoots in new york and "frasier" shot in l.a. do you find that -- is that a big difference? >> yeah, it's big -- i mean, i can tell you what's similar is the show has great writers and it has wonderful actors. and so, i feel like i'm at home in that way. but it's different shooting in new york because, you know, l.a. is sort of built around the industry. and l.a. sort of says, you know, "welcome," when you shoot. and new york says, "what?" [ laughter ] so, i would like -- when we were doing "frasier," i would get into my hybrid suv and drive to paramount where they shot "i love lucy." when i do "the good wife," an unmarked van picks me up in front of my apartment and drives me out to a part of brooklyn where it looks like they maybe shot jimmy hoffa. [ laughter ] but the cool thing about it is -- so, it's not the frills. it's about the show and all of the actors. julianna margulies is amazing.
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a lot of broadway folks on it, a lot of theater people who live in new york. and they're really there -- they take very good care of you. i'm having the time of my life. i didn't miss television because i was busy doing theater. but oh, my god, i'm so happy to be back. >> seth: it's great. it's great to have you back. you came straight to theater, the broadway scene, in the early '80s, is that correct? right after school? >> yes. >> seth: i'm always fascinated about new york in different periods. new york in the early '80s -- good times, bad times? >> yeah, it was amazing. you know, broadway is -- my first job was in a broadway show. in fact, you had john lithgow on last night. well, john was in my first gig on broadway. and one of the reasons i'm still in business is because he and the other actors were so great to me. but, you know, you rehearse in a rehearsal studio and finally you go to the theater. well, back in 1982, the theater district, it was horrid. and like, you know, dead people. [ laughter ] you were literally stepping -- across the street from my theater, as i recall, was a porn
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house showing "inside annie sprinkles." [ laughter ] >> seth: a film that never gets enough credit. >> no, it's good. [ laughter ] and it never gets old. >> seth: it never gets old. it is a timeless classic. and now, you're about to direct a play on broadway? >> i am. this is cool. i'm going to direct a new musical called "it should have been you." but the cool thing is, you know, there's sort of a lottery of theaters in new york because there are so many shows waiting to come in and not that many theaters. and we're going to do "it should have been you" in the spring at the brooks atkinson theater, which is where i made my broadway debut with john lithgow. so, it's like complete synergy. >> seth: what is it about? >> it's a crazy show. i would call it like a farce with a heart. >> seth: a har -- a far -- >> no, the other way. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> although if it sells tickets -- [ laughter ] no. it takes place at a wedding. tyne daly is the mother of the bride. and sierra boggess, who's this great broadway star, is the bride. and david burtka is the groom. and harriet harris.
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well, we've got two people from "frasier." amazing broadway actors. but harriet harris, who was frasier's agent, and edward hibbert, who played the food critic, are also in the show. it's really funny. beautiful music by barbara anselmi, and a great book, and lyrics by brian hargrove. >> seth: that's great. >> we open in the spring. >> seth: well, it's great to have you back on television. it's great that you'll be directing on broadway, as well. >> thank you. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> nice to see you, seth. >> seth: david hyde pierce, everybody. new episodes of "the good wife" air sunday night on cbs. we'll be right back with senator elizabeth warren. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together ♪ ♪ i've got some real estate here in my bag ♪ ♪ it took me four days to hitch-hike from saginaw ♪
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♪sends a letter ♪of goodbye ♪it's no secret ♪you feel better ♪if you cry ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our next guest was elected to the u.s. senate in 2012 from the state of massachusetts. she's also a former harvard professor and adviser to the white house. her new book, "a fighting chance," is in book stores now. please welcome senator elizabeth warren. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you?
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>> i'm good. >> seth: it's so lovely to have you here. >> pleasure to be here. >> seth: let's start with the littlest sliver of good news for democrats on election day -- was you campaigned heavily for senator jeanne shaheen in new hampshire who defeated scott brown. >> woo-hoo! >> seth: who you had defeated two years earlier in massachusetts. >> that's right. >> seth: so he's slowly moving north. >> that's right. that's right. we hear he's going to maine. >> seth: that's right, maine. so that is the good news. and now everything else is sort of the bad news. as a democrat in the senate right now, how do you brace yourself, how do you think things will change for you going about your job with this new republican majority? >> look, for me, this is why i got into the senate in the first place. it's to fight for families. that's what it's all about for me. you held up my book. i'm somebody who is the daughter of a janitor who ended up as a united states senator. america is a great country, but i never kid myself.
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i grew up in an america that was investing in kids, investing in the future. and i believe that's the america that we should be in. i'm going to be out there fighting for it. i'm going to be fighting for it every single day. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you talk about so many things in your book that seem to me they would have universal support. you talk a lot about how just things like credit card companies should be clear about the products they're selling. >> yup. >> seth: mortgages should be clear about the products they are. why do you think there is such a large amount of people in politics who don't want that clarity for consumers? because consumers are people and people are voters. >> oh, come on, let's face it. the game is rigged. the money is all on the side of the financial institution. the financial institutions that draw a bulls eye on the backsides of american families and make big profits from tricking them, from trapping them, from outright cheating them. and so, for me, a big part of what this is about is that we have to have a level playing
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field where at least families have got a chance to get out there and build an economic security for themselves. >> seth: do you think -- you know, a lot of candidates in your party seem to distance themselves from president obama during this election, almost saying we will fight him as hard as republicans did. do you think, looking back and seeing the results, that was a mistake? >> you know, i think what we have to do -- for me, this was all about accountability. and it's accountability in all directions. accountability for the things that the president was able to accomplish. remember, millions of people in this country today have health care who wouldn't have had health care if it hadn't been for the president. [ cheers and applause ] and it's also -- it's accountability in every direction. how many people remember that it was just over a year ago right now that the republicans shut down the government? flushed away $23 billion.
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money that could have been spent on schools or on medical research. and yet, weren't held accountable for that. and now the republicans say they're going to go to congress, and what mitch mcconnell said just a couple of days ago is he wants to go to congress and loosen the regulations over the big banks. now, i don't think very many people went to the polls and said, "boy, i am casting my vote to make sure that wall street has better chances to make bigger profit off the backs of the american people." i mean, i just don't think that's what was going on. so part of this is -- i think we just have to be real direct about whom you're fighting for. and we got to have a government that works, not just for the rich and the powerful, but that works for all of our families. that's what we've got to fight for. >> seth: you mentioned senator mcconnell. he, obviously, wins reelection in kentucky, a place where the affordable care act has had a great effect.
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>> yep. >> seth: yet, he sort of runs on a campaign where he's going to keep their exchange and gut obamacare, which wouldn't work. and yet, it doesn't seem like the democratic party can make that clear. what is the disconnect there? like, how can they not get the message across? >> look, i think that people today are -- a lot of folks are feeling really discouraged. and part of that is because government is not working for them. government really -- let's all be clear. government does work. it works really well for those who can hire armies of lobbyists. it works really well for those who have armies of lawyers. it works really well for those who can make big campaign contributions. it's just not working for american families. and so i think part of what we have to do is we have to make it clear in election whose side you're fighting on and that you really do have things that you can do that are going to make a difference in people's lives.
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or even minimum wage, lift a million people out of poverty. reduce the interest rates on student loans so people can go out there -- [ cheers and applause ] be part of this economy, some economic security. >> seth: i'm going to ask you more about that when we come right back. you'll stick around? >> you bet. >> seth: all right, we'll be more with senator elizabeth warren, right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ not to be focusing, again, on my moderate my goal was to finally get in shape. to severe chronic plaque psoriasis. so i finally made a decision to talk to my dermatologist about humira. humira works inside my body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to my symptoms. in clinical trials, most adults with moderate to
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what are you breathing? if we focusede nice less on the number and more on how the fit makes us feel? start your day bursting with real berries. and slip into size sassy. with special k.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." we're here with senator elizabeth warren. one thing you talk about in the book is how you help create the consumer financial protection bureau. the c-p, c-f -- it's not a great name. [ laughter ] >> four random initials. >> seth: yes, four random initials. >> that's right. it was named by the republicans. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, you think they gave it a bad name? >> you know, the truth is, i would never say this publicly. yes, i actually do think they gave it a bad name. we have better names out there. so i just call it the consumer agency. it works. >> seth: i like the idea that the republicans say you can have your consumer advocacy group, but you have to call it the jerk squad. >> yeah, exactly. >> seth: and then, you can just say, "the jerk squad is here to help you." but that's what you have to live with. >> yeah, no more cheating banks is what i wanted to name it. this was actually --
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i have a great example of how hard this name is to remember. dis you see you were a question on "jeopardy!"? >> oh, i did. >> seth: let's take a look. "miss warren is chairman of creation and was the interim director of the bureau, cfpb for short." no one got it. [ laughter ] but guess what, someone told me this was a question that also no one got. this was recently on "jeopardy!" "when jimmy fallon took over 'the tonight show,' this 'snl' vet began hosting 'late night' on nbc." [ laughter ] i'm as hard to remember -- i'm as hard to remember as the cfpb. >> so, look. you may not remember the initials, but here's what i do want you to remember. is that this little agency has been up and running for a little over three years now. and look, the bottom line of this agency -- it's just to level the playing field a little bit. to say that big banks don't get to trick you on credit cards and big financial institutions don't get to cheat people on mortgages and payday loans. so far this little agency has forced the biggest financial institutions in this country to return more than $4 billion to
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families they cheated. that's government that works. >> seth: that's great! [ cheers and applause ] and you know, you mention -- you make a great analogy that -- when you buy a poster at a store, someone has checked that out. a government agency, they've tested to make sure that's a safe thing to have in your home. and it's insane that you can buy a mortgage, have a credit card or a car loan and not know what you're getting into. so it makes perfect sense to me. >> in fact, the way i described it, when i first started talking about the agency -- i made a point that you can't buy a toaster that has a one in five chance of blowing up and burning down your house. but at that moment in time you not only could buy a mortgage that had the same one in five -- one in five chance of blowing up and costing that family their home. they didn't have to tell you the terms of that mortgage. and that is deeply shocking. that's what that agency is supposed to fix. >> seth: i do know a guy who can get you those exploding toasters though.
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>> oh good. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i got to be honest. part of it is it increases the thrill of making toast in the morning. [ laughter ] when you bring that thing down, you know there's a one in five chance. it's really -- i'm a thrill seeker, what can i say. [ laughter ] in two years, obviously, there's going a presidential election. the democratic party, will they learn a lesson from this? do you think that the ideal candidate or a candidate would be smart to run toward the progressive values of the democratic party? >> you know, i think this is the heart of what we should all be running for and about. it's about how we build a future, not just for some of our kids, but we build a future for all of our kids. that is the basic function of government. you know, look. it's to provide for the national defense. we all get that. it's to make sure that you've got basic rules that keep the playing field level, so nobody steals your purse on main street and nobody steals your pension on wall street. because you need that set of rules.
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and the third thing you need is a chance to invest in the future. create the schools, and the roads, and bridges and the medical research. the things that give us an opportunity for every kid, and an opportunity to grow up in an economy that is expanding and creating good jobs here at home. that has a future that's about our dreams. that's what we have to do. >> seth: well, that is great. and let me tell you something. genuinely, you know, you read this book. and you mention that the game is rigged. and i find it so honorable that someone like yourself is willing to play in a game that's rigged and to try to fix the rules. so thank you so much for being here. senator elizabeth warren, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] "a fighting chance" is in stores now. we'll be right back with matt jones. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." you know our next guest as badger from "breaking bad." he can now be seen on the hit show "mom," airing thursday nights on cbs.
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let's take a look. >> hello? [ laughter ] here he is. [ laughter ] >> hello? anybody out here? oh, god! oh, god, get off me! baxter? are you okay? >> no, i just walked in a spider web! [ laughter ] >> hey! >> hey. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome, the very funny, my friend, matt jones. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi, my friend. it's so good to see you. >> it's good to see you, too. >> seth: this is very exciting. >> it's crazy.
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you have a talk show. >> seth: it's crazy. it is a little dumb. it is a little dumb. [ light laughter ] because we first met in amsterdam. we both worked in a theater called boom chicago in amsterdam. and i went back for a wedding of somebody over there, and that's the first time we met. you were a young man then. you were in your 20s. >> yes, i was young in my 20s. >> seth: and we were in a -- like, a bunch of people ended up back in my hotel room. >> yup. >> seth: and do you remember what happened? >> yeah, yeah. you had this beautiful, idyllic hotel room. there's this beautiful hotel in amsterdam called the amstel hotel on the amstel river. it's gorgeous. it's like a 100 and -- 300 years old kind of hotel. you had this beautiful corner suite. >> seth: it was gorgeous. >> it was gorgeous. >> victorian everything. >> seth: and i had a bunch of dirt bags in there, drinking everything in the minibar. >> uh-huh. and about 4:00 in the morning, we realized that the bridge was pretty close, the amstel bridge. so we're like, "let's throw some fruit out of this fruit basket and see if we can hit the bridge." >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] i'm going to say, i don't think this had ever happened in that hotel room before.
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>> a bunch of people were throwing, couldn't do it. i was like, "guys, i got this." and i took a huge apple, and i ran full speed. and i missed the window, and i hit the wall. and apple sprayed everywhere. and i just love the fact that you had to sleep in apple all night. >> seth: yeah, i had to sleep in a room where an apple had blown its brains out. so, you played badger on "breaking bad." >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] you've heard of it! >> seth: now, you play baxter. >> yeah. >> seth: so, you played a badger and a baxter. they're a little similar. >> yeah, yeah. it was a total coincidence. when i auditioned for "mom," the character's name was baxter. i was actually in the audition room. i was like, "this is such a stupid name. i'm probably going to get it." [ laughter ] because i always play characters with really stupid names. >> seth: yeah, well, that worked out. and now, when you're on a show as iconic as "breaking bad," do you still get recognized for badger?
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>> to be honest, i'm a real tall weird looking guy with a really weird -- >> seth: thanks for being straight with me. [ laughter ] >> i know who i am. and my voice is also weird. so, if someone sees me, they'll be like, "oh, is that -- " and then, i talk and they go, "that's him." [ laughter ] so, it happens every single day. >> seth: of all of your great acting, and you're a wonderful improviser -- the thing of your career that i miss, that i'm so upset about, is you were a roller skating champion. would you call yourself a champion? a competitor? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: so, talk me through this. >> okay, so for you younger folks in the crowd, in the '80s, roller skating was a pretty big deal. >> seth: it was a big deal, yeah. >> pretty big deal. [ cheers ] and ice skating in the olympics was a big deal, figure skating. so, we were like, let's have figure roller skating. [ light laughter ] and so my mom said, "hey, my son should probably do this." [ laughter ]
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so, i was five years old. and i did well in a competition, and i got invited to the california/nevada championships for roller skating at five years old. >> seth: wow. >> i was in the 10-year-old category. >> seth: were you really? >> because i was already freakishly tall. [ laughter ] >> seth: so, tell me about -- what was your performance? so what do you do when you're in a figure roller skating? >> i did four routines, obviously. [ laughter ] where i was in a white sailor suit and i danced to the song "macho duck." >> seth: sure. >> which was "macho man" sang by donald duck. >> seth: yep. [ laughter ] again, the '80s were a great time. >> it was a great time. >> seth: a lot of real edgy stuff was happening. >> crazy stuff, crazy stuff. >> seth: so, how did you do? you're a five year old amongst 10-year-olds. >> yes, we're at these championships. i move on from the first round. i'm pretty good. >> seth: great. >> i was playing video games or something, like cult division, i don't know. >> seth: so, just in between the two competitions. >> in between the two because that's what you do at roller skating rinks. that's actually fun to play video games.
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and i took a dump in my pants. [ laughter ] i crapped my white sailor suit. [ audience ohs ] so, my mom, my mom -- >> seth: why did this happen? >> i don't know! i was five! it was too much pressure. >> seth: and then the worst is everyone's going, "that 10-year-old crapped himself." [ laughter ] >> don't you think you're a little old to be taking a dump in your pants? >> seth: for the record, five is too old. that's too old as well. [ laughter ] >> we'll agree to disagree. >> seth: so, what happened? did you pull out of the competition? >> no, no. my mom, bless her heart, cleaned me off in the bathroom and went to the skate counter and said, "do you have any more skating outfits?" and the only thing they had was a rainbow striped leotard. [ laughter ] so, my final performance was dancing to "macho duck" in a rainbow striped leotard. [ cheers and applause ]
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thank you. >> seth: that's great. >> and i got third place. [ laughter ] >> seth: congratulations! matt jones, everyone! "mom" airs thursday nights on cbs. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to david hyde pierce, senator elizabeth warren, matt jones and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> carson: welcome to "last call" with me, carson daly. thanks for being here. we are at amp radio, which is my home away from home and tonight's show is looking pretty darn good. let's get into it. for music, we got the so so glos from brooklyn. they're gonnperform at the fonda. steven johnson is gonna tell you everything you need to know about "how we got to now." and we're gonna kick things off with our "last call" spotlight. this fall, the new tv show, "gotham" was one of the most highly anticipated new shows of the season. tonight, we sit down with one of the young stars of the show, robin lord taylor, aka oswald cobblepot, aka the penguin. from stk, take a look.


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