tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC November 14, 2014 11:34pm-12:37am EST
and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 163! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you. oh, my goodness, hey. welcome. beautiful, beautiful crowd. hot crowd. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. thank you for being here. thank you for watching. amazing. thanks, guys. it's a good show tonight. here's what people are talking about. after a six-year battle, the
senate will vote to begin construction on the keystone xl pipeline next week. yep. which is an oil pipeline that runs from canada to the gulf coast. they're hoping that the pipe will provide enough oil to cover kim kardashian's next photo shoot. [ laughter ] >> steve: woah. >> jimmy: that's a lot of oil. you just need it. comes from somewhere. the pipeline would run from canada to the gulf coast. it'll be the biggest underground structure leading into the u.s. then people in mexico said "eh, second biggest." [ laughter ] guys, this is pretty cool here. this week, bill clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading george w. bush's new book "41." and then george w. bush responded to that post on instagram. and then john mccain said "you two are hilarious" by telegraph. [ laughter ] [ imitates beeping ] just amazing how they all talk to each other. fascinating technology. [ applause ] >> steve: western union. >> jimmy: this is actually
pretty scary here. there are reports that leaders from isis and al qaeda met at a a farmhouse in syria last week and agreed to work together against their common enemy. that story again. two radical terrorist groups managed to do what two american political parties cannot. [ laughter ] what is going on with the world when that's happening. and yesterday, the russian army announced a new plan to modernize most of their weapons over the next six years. obama was like, "you said six years? i'll be in scottsdale, y'all. take care, i'll be golfing." guys, listen to this. i heard that a slice of cake from prince william and kate middelton's 2 2011 wedding will be auctioned off in december. yeah. so, if you want a piece of 3-year-old cake, just eat a a twinkie. [ laughter ] i mean, they're like 80 cents each. you might as well just do it. tastes good. some business news. billionaire warren buffett announced yesterday that he is paying $3 billion to buy all of duracell's 50 million shares. buffett said he only wanted to buy three shares, but duracell
only sells them in packs of 50 million. [ laughter ] you have to just get them. [ applause ] you guys ever seen the show, "cake boss"? [ cheers ] if you haven't, it's this show about this guy named buddy valastro, owns a couple of bakeries. makes some big time cakes. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yesterday, he actually got pulled over for drunk driving, and check out what he told police. >> prosecutors say valastro told them, "you can't arrest me, i'm the cake boss." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the cops are like, "yeah, but you're not the donut boss. so get in the car, let me cuff you, buddy." [ applause ] get out of here. you can't arrest me. i'm the "cake boss," dude. "cake boss." you guys remember him. he was on "family feud" a while back. >> what might be considered the world's most popular dessert? >> um, pass. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: good job, cake boss. >> steve: camera asked me for this. >> jimmy: dessert? oh, man, oh, man. pass! pass, pass! >> steve: the mojave. [ buzzer sounds ] >> jimmy: sorry. loose leaf paper. [ buzzer sounds ] whatever. >> steve: the gobi dessert. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he couldn't name one. he couldn't think of one. you guys, there are reports that the national health organization has invested over $10 million to develop video games designed to fight obesity. then ebola was like, hey, no rush. we're something, aren't we? this made me laugh. this week a guy in florida apparently needed a chain saw, but couldn't afford it. so check out what he does when he thinks no one's looking. >> jimmy: looking behind the thing, just going to shove it down his pants, and cover it up. yeah, no problem, yeah. yeah, he'll get away with that.
yeah, no problem, yeah. i mean, yeah. you've got to admit, the guy had balls. i mean, you gotta -- he had. >> steve: he had them. >> jimmy: he had them. [ applause ] guys, we're in week 11 of the nfl season, and sunday night's big match-up is between the indianapolis colts and the new england patriots. [ cheers and applause ] it's a good game. going to be a good game. as you know, at the end of every season, they give out awards like most valuable player. but they also give out awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. so with that in mind, it's time for "tonight show" superlatives. here we go. ♪ tonight show superlatives ♪ >> jimmy: our first player is montori hughes from the colts. he was voted most likely to be the human version of grumpy cat. [ laughter ] next, from the colts is andrew luck.
he was voted most likely to be seeing kim kardashian's butt picture for the first time. [ laughter ] what is that thing? next up is malcolm butler from the patriots. he was voted most likely to say "sup" to his own reflection. [ laughter ] sup. you doing a'ight? next from the colts is matt overton. he was voted most likely to put his arm around your wife at the high school reunion. [ laughter ] how you doing, gorgeous? next from the colts is gosder cherilus. voted most likely to be the drunk pronunciation of "god, that's delicious." [ slurs words ] gosder cherilus. [ laughter ] gosder sherilus? this is made by the cake boss. [ laughter ] oh, uh, oh -- a ferrari? [ buzzer sounds ] next up is vince wilfork from the patriots. he was voted most likely to be
watching his bag of bugles get stuck in the vending machine. [ laughter ] next up from the colts is anthony castonzo. he was voted most likely to follow you around guitar center asking you if he could help you find anything. you want to take a look at the strats over here? there's some decent axes in the back i can bring out. next from the patriots is bryan stork. he was voted most likely to spend the offseason angrily churning butter. [ laughter and applause ] finally from the colts, we have coby fleener. he was voted most likely to be all three "home improvement" kids mashed into one. [ laughter ] those are nfl superlatives. we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: oh, my goodness, that's awesome. that is awesome. we have, that's robert kool bell, ronald bell and dennis thomas from legendary kool & the gang! [ cheers and applause ] sitting in with the roots tonight. kool & the gang, come on. >> what's happening? >> jimmy: we love you, man. >> all right. >> jimmy: we love you guys. >> thank you. >> jimmy: they will be honored with the legend award at the soul train awardsm, which airs on november 30th. here's their new album, "kool for the holidays." that's what i'm talking about. thanks so much for being here, i love you guys so much.
this is so exciting. sounding good, man. [ applause ] i think my -- i think my kool & the gang jam, which one you playing tonight? you playing a bunch? >> get down. >> jimmy: "jungle boogie," and "celebration," you got. "joanna" was a jam i liked. >> yeah. ♪ i'm in love and i wouldn't lie she's my girl that's always on my mind ♪ ♪ she gives me her love and the feeling that's right never lets me down ♪ ♪ especially at night so i'm going to do the best i can to please that girl and be ♪ ♪ her only man see she picks me up when i'm feeling low and that's why baby i got to let you know ♪ that's it. that's all i know. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know. i don't know the whole -- i don't remember the rest of the song.
kool & the gang in the house. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey. don't forget, you guys, monday is the beginning of u2 week here on the show. this is their new record. "songs of innocence" is their new record. they'll be hanging out, they'll be performing. we've got some ideas, some sketches planned out, maybe. i don't know. it's going to be fun. and we're going to do a thing that's never been done before. we're going to ask you guys -- we're asking you guys, already, to send us videos of yourself lip-syncing to the song, "the miracle," off their new album. it's the first track. it's also called "the miracle of joey ramone." we're going to take those videos and insert them into one of u2's performances next week. you're kind of singing with the band. you'll see. it's never been done before, but it's going to be fun. so just upload your video to youtube with the title "tonight show u2 lip sync." we've got a ton of great ones in already. we'll take submissions up until sunday. be creative. keep them coming. it's going to be fun. for more information go to tonightshow.com [ cheers and applause ] then we'll watch next week.
you'll see yourself performing with u2. it's going to be amazing. [ cheers and applause ] "songs of innocence." we got a big show tonight, you guys. from "the hunger games: mockingjay part one," liam hemsworth is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: tall drink of water, that human. we're going to go head to head in a giant tricycle race later in the show to get the coveted hemsworth cup. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: this is it right here. [ cheers and applause ] so the, uh, the giant tricycle race. we don't know who the winner is yet. very important trophy. >> steve: very important trophy. >> jimmy: yep, it's not yet engraved. >> steve: no. because it's so important. >> jimmy: he's the other race. the hemsworth cup. crazy cards. yep. chris hemsworth won that one. and the cooler scooter race, liam won that one. so, both brothers have won this cup. not tonight. [ laughter ] >> steve: you're taking it home. >> jimmy: if don't do it, kool will do it. >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: yeah. one of us. yeah, yeah.
one of us is going to win this. also, guys, she's the star of the new nbc drama, "state of affairs," katherine heigl is stopping by. she's gorgeous, she's talented she's fun. and we have stand up from comedian sebastian maniscalo, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] really funny guy. debut on our show tonight. guys, today's friday. that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. you know, check my inbox, return some emails, and of course, send out thank you notes. and i was just running a bit behind. i was wondering, if you don't mind, could i write out my weekly thank you notes right now? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. james, can i get some thank you note writing music? ♪ [ laughter ] he's got a lot on his mind. >> steve: he's really thinking a lot. i think he's bummed out about "cake boss." [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, president obama, for telling chinese president xi jinping that he wanted to take the relationship
between our countries to a new level. or as the lady at the next booth put it, i'll have what xi's having. [ laughter ] >> steve: that's what xi said. >> jimmy: i know. he did say that? >> steve: yeah, he did say that. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the weather this week, for including a 34-hour al roker marathon, the return of the polar vortex and a full moon. big week of weather. [ applause ] >> steve: nice. nice. ♪ thank you, trailers at movie theatres, for giving me a good idea of which movies the guy behind me wants to see. [ laughter ] boy, that looks good. oh, i don't believe that. there's no way iron man could have that much energy to fly from there to there. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, are you the cake boss? >> jimmy: uh, what was that? >> steve: are you the cake boss? >> jimmy: that's right, i am the cake boss. you recognize me?
>> steve: yeah, i do. yeah. from family feud. >> jimmy: here you go. >> steve: just sign your name right here. >> jimmy: i know. i'm thinking of my name again. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's a dessert. your name is a dessert. >> jimmy: man, whip cream boss. >> steve: no. [ buzzer sounding ] >> jimmy: i don't know, i don't know. >> steve: sandwich boss. popcorn boss. >> jimmy: he is good. he makes good cakes. >> steve: he's a boss of cakes for god's sake. >> jimmy: i know. i know, man. you ever met cake ceo. >> steve: oh, yeah. that guy's rough. that guy is rough. >> jimmy: unbelievable, yeah. can't arrest that dude. >> steve: no, that dude cannot be arrested by any court. >> jimmy: thank you, mcdonalds's, for bringing back the mcrib. presumably because the cdc was too busy dealing with ebola. hurry up, quick. no one's looking. no one's paying attention. we formed it in the shape of bones. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: yeah, that makes sense. >> steve: it's all cool.
>> jimmy: thank you, scale, for being like a mirror, but with the cold, hard facts to back it up. fact. ♪ thank you, new york, for being declared ebola free just in time for my in laws to feel safe enough to visit me for thanksgiving. [ laughter ] thanks again, ebola doctor. there you guys go, that was my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with liam hemsworth! ♪ over 20 years 31 million students started college, but didn't complete a degree for lots of reasons at devry university we believe there are also lots of reasons to finish so we help you maximize qualifying credits you've already earned so you can graduate sooner and get on to a great career
because whatever kept you from finishing before... all that matters is your reason to do it now. see more reasons to finish and get started at devry.edu. and get the best trade-in value guaranteed. trade in your old iphone at t-mobile and get up to $350. get the best iphone ever at a t-mobile store today. ♪ ♪ when the snow comes to cover the ground ♪ ♪ it's a time for play, ♪ it's a whipped cream day ♪ i wait for it all year round
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a talented actor who stars opposite jennifer lawerence and josh hutchenson in "the hunger games: mockingjay part 1," which opens in theatres everywhere november 21st. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, liam hemsworth! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: he's a stud. liam hemsworth right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers ] good to see you, brother. >> i've got pants on. >> jimmy: you do have pants on. so grateful. thank you so much. >> jimmy told me not to wear pants before the show, but i put them on, obviously. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. well, yeah. i'm just kidding. i just wanted to see if you listened to me or not. thank you for not listening to me. i walked in while he was dressing in the dressing room. i was like, "well, you don't have to wear pants, i guess." thank you for being here. every time you're here, one of your friends is hosting "saturday night live." >> it's true. josh was doing it last time. woody's doing it this time. >> jimmy: exactly, yeah, that's your buddy woody harrelson. >> happy to see you. happy to see woody. >> jimmy: no, yeah. that's the deal. you have to come and then your buddy will host "snl." that's the way it works. >> that's right. >> jimmy: we had josh here yesterday. and we had people on twitter
asking questions and he answered a bunch of twitter questions. i was wondering if we could do that with you, if you don't mind. >> yeah. you know he still wets the bed though, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have to say that. he didn't answer that question last night. >> i love him. i love him more than anyone. i'd take a bullet for him, but -- >> jimmy: he still does. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's a bed wetter. it's a big problem. i'm going to ask you some questions here. we got you a hashtag, #askliamfallontonight and people had questions. you ready for this? >> yes. >> jimmy: this is from @samnathan13. know him? >> sam nathan? [ laughter ] he's got two first names. >> jimmy: yeah, he certainly does. what movie makes you cry? >> uh, the "titanic." [ cheers ] >> jimmy: really? >> well, you know, every time i watch it, i -- you know, when dicaprio dies, i know it's coming but -- >> jimmy: ah -- i didn't see the end. i didn't see the -- you ruined it. [ laughter ] i'm half way through it, oh, my god. you kidding me? >> you know it came out like 50 years ago, right? >> jimmy: no, i just got it on blu-ray. [ laughter ] it really makes you cry? >> yeah, man, i just -- seeing that beautiful guy die --
[ laughter ] it's so heartbreaking. >> jimmy: it's heartbreaking for you. that's good. i like that you're being honest. this is from @ismaxoxo. it says, "who's your ultimate childhood crush"? >> alyssa milano from "charmed." >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, yeah. oh, she's gorgeous. >> yeah, when i -- when i was about 10 years old, my favorite show of the week was "charmed." >> jimmy: oh, "charmed," yeah, yeah, yeah. >> "charmed," the three witches. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. a lot of girls like that show, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> a lot of girls do like that show. >> jimmy: yeah they do, yeah, yeah. and guys too. >> i loved the show. well, i don't know about a lot of guys, but i loved it. >> jimmy: yeah, just you. >> and i loved alyssa milano. >> jimmy: she's just -- she is gorgeous. >> i've never met her, but who knows what the future holds? >> jimmy: i think everyone had a crush on her. >> is she married? >> jimmy: yeah, i believe so. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but either way, she's still gorgeous. @sweetsammyb -- "what was your most awkward moment as a a freshman in high school?" >> uh -- well, i was --
i had a growth spurt through high school and i got tall and skinny and lanky and i had curly blond hair and freckles and -- >> jimmy: i'm sure it wasn't that awkward. >> well -- >> jimmy: no, i don't think so. [ laughter ] i love you, alyssa milano. you're my favorite witch. i like to kiss you on the cheek. [ laughter ] >> you know, the thing is though, i thought i still looked pretty cool this high school. >> jimmy: no, you did, you did. you looked pretty cool in high school. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: this one's from @delariaodonnell. "what was the most awkward scene to shoot?" >> any time i had to kiss jennifer was pretty uncomfortable. really awkward. >> jimmy: kissing jennifer lawrence is uncomfortable? >> well, yeah. i mean, look, when you look at it on the outside, it's like a a great picture. you know, she's one of my best friends. i love her. but if we had a kissing scene,
she would make a point of eating garlic or tuna fish, or you know, something that was disgusting. >> jimmy: she is fun, man. >> and right before the scene, she'd be like, "yeah, i had tuna" or "i had garlic and i didn't brush my teeth." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just make you work that much more. >> i couldn't wait to get in there and taste it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good lord. oh, man. well, this is a great question here from @mcicar16. it says, "if i was sent to the capital, i wouldn't stand a a chance being made over. have you ever slash can you walk in high heels?" i mean, got some big shoes there. what size are you? >> i'm a size 12. >> jimmy: 12. wait a second. [ laughter ] i have a 12. [ cheers and applause ] we just happened to have these -- happen to have these lying around. >> looks like a shaq shoe or something. >> jimmy: maybe shaq left them here last time he was here, yeah. well, just give them a try and see if you -- >> all right, man, i'll give them a try. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can you walk in high
heels? do you know? >> well, i probably haven't done it since i was like 5. you know, walking in my mom's high heels. >> jimmy: oh, man, this is pretty good. [ cheers ] i got a pair, too. yeah, i got a pair, too. [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's up, ladies? we heard alyssa milano's here. we're going to meet her. i feel pretty good. yeah, it feels pretty good. >> let's try some steps. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> i feel pretty good. >> jimmy: i feel pretty good, yeah. i feel like i'm -- >> whoa, whoa, i'm falling out of my shoes.
♪ [ cheers ] >> jimmy: all right, there we go. well, the answer is yes. >> i can do it. >> jimmy: okay, good. thank you for doing that, buddy. it's very hard to find size 12 high heels. >> i imagine it would be. those are some big heels. >> jimmy: what are we talking about with this movie now, "mockingjay: part 1." "hunger games" -- this is -- the games are kind of a little bit over now. now, it's more of the society they create. i'm not spoiling anything because it is a book. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, i mean you can buy the book, you can purchase it and read what's happening. >> yeah, the rebellion is, you know, growing and it's -- yeah, it's a lot different than the other ones. a different dynamic between katniss and gale and a lot more characters. >> jimmy: a lot more you?
>> a lot more me. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what we're talking about. little bit more you in there. [ cheers and applause ] we have a clip of liam hemsworth in "the hunger games: mockingjay part 1." take a look at this. >> 915 of us made it to the fence. and we watched -- farmers circle back towards the road. they fire bombed them as then ran away. 915 out of 10,000. i should have grabbed people. i should have dragged them with me. so many kids i could have carried. >> you saved so many people, gale. without you, there would be no district 12, not even the memory of it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i'm talking about right there. november 21st. exciting, buddy. thank you for joining us. familiar with this guy? >> certainly am.
>> jimmy: the hemsworth cup. >> hemsworth cup. >> jimmy: you won. i think it was cooler scooter. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you beat me. and it was, it was rough for me. i took a couple weeks off the show. [ laughter ] >> i imagine it would be. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, but now it's a new day. >> new day, man. >> jimmy: and there's a new thing. we're gonna race giant tricylces, you down? >> yeah. let's go. >> jimmy: i want my name on this trophy. liam hemsworth and i are racing giant tricycles when we get back, everybody. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm a darwinist, brother, hey slicalright?me! some prosper... ...and some struggle. (music) un, deux, trois life is just one long mystery. boom! grand theft auto v
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>> jimmy: hey, everybody. i am back with liam hemsworth and we are about to race for the coveted hemsworth cup. we will be riding these little racing trikes. they can drift sideways and do crazy spins. they were invented by this 16-year-old kid in san diego. he kickstarted these bikes. now, they're selling like crazy. of course, we have our beer helmets because safety is sexy. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] and here's how the race is gonna work. liam and i will go out of the studio, head down to the elevator bank, circle around the scarecrow -- [ laughter ] -- then head back down the hallway, past the old man raking leaves, then hashtag the panda is hanging out with a giant thanksgiving turkey. [ cheers and applause ] then, we come around the corner, past some boulders and back into the studio. first one to cross the finish line is the champion and gets their name on the hemsworth cup. [ cheers and applause ] you ready, buddy? you ready, pal? >> yeah, i'm ready. >> jimmy: higgins, you going to start us off? >> steve: yeah, you guys ready? give me the cup. >> jimmy: yeah, thanks, buddy.
>> steve: on your mark, get set, go! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> oh, man. oh, gosh. ♪ oh, no. what's happening? what's happening? >> jimmy: are you all right? >> i got a leaf stuck in my thing! here i come. ♪ all right, here we go. >> jimmy: come on, i got this! >> oh, you're so far ahead. >> jimmy: i got this! i got this! hey, hey, hey! >> move away! >> jimmy: hey, be careful! [ inaudible ] >> jimmy: hey! >> hey, whoa! hey, whoa, whoa! >> jimmy: hemsworth! that's great. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: what do we got? did i get it? i got it! we won! oh, my gosh!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an emmy award-winning actress who's returning to television in the highly anticipated new drama, "state of affairs" premiering this monday at 10:00 p.m. on nbc. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, katherine heigl. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hey. >> hey! >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. welcome to the show. >> thanks, i'm so excited to be here. >> jimmy: thank you for jumping out there and seeing the big race. >> yeah, i wanted to see who was going to win. they told me there was no way
you would. >> jimmy: i can't believe they would say that about me. my own team - >> i know. i felt bad for you. >> jimmy: i know, i felt bad. >> but then, i was really excited that you did win. >> jimmy: then, i had a great lead and then i'm like, "dude, i got this." and then all of a sudden i can kind of see him in my peripheral vision. i'm like, oh, no, i'm trying to bicycle. i'm just not a good tricyclist, but i won. i'm so excited. i'm very competitive. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm not a good tricyclist. >> jimmy: i'm not a good tricyclist at all. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i got to say, your little dog is backstage. you brought your dog with you. >> gertrude. >> jimmy: gertrude? >> gertrude. >> jimmy: gertrude. she has an accent. >> you have to say it like that, gertrude. >> jimmy: gertrude. she's the cutest dog, and her tongue sticks out of the side of her mouth always. >> all the time. she even kisses me out of the side of her mouth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a really cute dog. where did you get gertrude? >> well, my mom actually pulled her from a shelter the day they were going to put her down because they said she was unadoptable with that little tongue hanging out like that. i think that's what makes her so incredibly cute. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. why does her tongue hang out that way? >> she has no teeth. gertrude's very old.
>> jimmy: aw, gertrude has no teeth. >> no teeth e >> jimmy: oh, yeah. and so, she just like licks her food and just goes -- she gave me a little kiss on the way out. >> did she give you a kiss? >> jimmy: she did. she gave me a nice little kiss. >> she's very selective >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i'm interested in thi >> jimmy: yeah, she li yeah, we bonded. [ light laughter ] but you you have like -- >> i have a lot of ani >> >> i have -- yeah, defi more than normal. >> jimmy: what do you have? >> i have less than 20, but more than five. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you have? >> i have eight. i have eight dogs. >> jimmy: eight dogs? >> well, i have less than 20 dogs. i have more than 20 animals. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i have eight dogs, four cats, nine horses, two donkeys, two goats, two miniature horses and chickens. eight chickens. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. but that's like a -- i mean, it's a ranch. they don't live with me. >> jimmy: yeah, i know they don't live in the house with you. >> the dogs and cats live with me. >> jimmy: but still, i mean, goats? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, how fun are goats? >> they're awesome. >> jimmy: are goats fun? >> they're awesome. and they're boys, so they serve no real purpose. i can't milk them or anything. i don't know. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> goat milk or goat cheese, we don't get that, but they're fainting goats. >> jimmy: say it again. >> they're fainting goats. it's such a thing, it exists. i didn't know this until i moved to utah. >> jimmy: faiting goats? like, faiting? >> they faint. they pass out if they get scared. >> jimmy: that's their talent? >> if they get scared. if they get scared. >> jimmy: oh. >> it is a terrible mechanism. >> jimmy: yeah. >> don't you think? because this is what happens -- >> jimmy: so, you can just go like, "boo!" and they'll both just faint. >> they'll faint. [ laughter ] it's not a good -- what's the word i'm looking for? like, means of survival? >> jimmy: yeah. >> because they ran into the dog yard. because i'm working in l.a. right now, so i can't bring all eight of my dogs to l they're staying at the ranch and area and the go and the dog -- >> jimmy: fainted. >> yes. and the dog started barking. the goat fainted and then my dog, my one dog was like dragging it off somewhere. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was dragging the goat around? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> and they had to, like, our ranch managers had to intervene, and i was like, "what was she going to do to the goat?" >> jimmy: yeah, like, "what are you doing?" >> she's such a gentle -- >> jimmy: gertrude, what are you doing?
how big are your fainting goats by the way? tiny fainting goats. the goats are this big, ladies and gentlemen. they're very small. >> they're little pigmy goats. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> they're so fun. >> jimmy: we're so excited about this show. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: we love any new show here at nbc, but this one's got some good buzz to it. and you really got behind this one. this is like a passion project for you. >> yeah, this is my baby. i have been involved in this it to this place for about three years, so to b r exc >> jimmy: "state of affairs" is the name of the show. and basically you're cia? >> i am a cia analyst who works at langley and my job is to essentially siphon through and narrow down all of the intelligence that we get from our operatives and assets out in the world and bring it to the president, like, in seven pages in a book every day, like the most critical threats facing the nation. >> jimmy: and this is based on a true thing? >> based on a true thing. yeah, this is a real job and one of our executive producers is ex-cia briefer to two presidents. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. so, we're getting a lot of great, great stories and information from him. >> jimmy: did they get involved
with sending notes of the script, like, "this would never happen in real life." >> yes, and they're very particular about it and then during the pilot, rodney foley called joe carnahan, who is our -- who wrote and directed the pilot and is really involved in the show. and he's like, "you've got to take this bit out." and joe was like, "why, rodney? is it too close to home?" and he was like, "just take it out, joe." >> jimmy: whoa! really? yeah. you're like, "okay, whatever, man. we didn't do anything yet. we didn't shoot anything yet." i love it. we have a clip. here is katherine heigl in "state of affairs." check it out. >> turn your damn car on, woman. [ phone beeping ] >> where are you? >> where are you? we just got a lotus note e-mailed to staff. interhead suspended you, prevented us from talking to you, banned you from the building? >> i'm just going to finish this phone call. >> okay. >> where are you, charlie? >> i'm in the lobby. that was literally perfect timing. >> you know they're going to detain you. >> not if they can't catch me. >> okay, you guys clear off now. i don't want you risking your jobs to save mine. >> absolutely not. charlie, we're gonna ride this bullet together. >> okay, maureen, get the signs on the africa sector.
find out what he's got on dr. butler then meet me in five minutes at the civilian loading dock. kurt, go see if patrick can buy us some time. >> we're on our way, charlie. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: katherine heigl! "state of affairs" premiers this monday. set your dvrs, check it out 10:00 p.m. on nbc. up next, standup from sebastian maniscalco. come on back, everybody. katherine heigl! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so, your mom and i thought you might like this. my dad brought me out here when... anyway. ♪ ♪ i get a strange magic dad! did you see that?! ♪ got a strange magic hey dad! wait up! sails from the big apple... this is the ship that changes everything!
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a a hilarious comedian who's latest stand up special "aren't you embarassed" premiered earlier tonight on showtime. it will be airing there all month long. ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for sebastian maniscalco. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> so good to be here. just ran into liam backstage. that guy is stunning, all right? and it's so good to be here on "the tonight show." jimmy fallon, new york city, all right. [ cheers ] love new york. lot of italians out here. i come from an italian family, immigrant father and you come from immigrant parents, they put you to work real early. okay? been working since i've been 8 years old. watching tv, my father walked
in the living room, he's like "hey, go start a business." [ laughter ] now? they told me growing up, who had what i wanted in the neighborhood. they didn't buy us anything. [ laughter ] we're like "dad, could we get a a dog?" "you want a dog? three houses down. they got a dog. [ laughter ] you want to pet something with fur, you walk three houses down, you pet the dog and then you come back here and cut my grass. what?" and i look around today, society doesn't match how i grew up. nobody's working in this country. nobody. they're all just walking around. [ laughs ] [ laughter ] the whole country's taking photos of themself. i've never seen anything like it.
sitting there taking a photo in your bathroom? i don't even look at the photo. you ever look in the background. you ever see some of these bathrooms? plate of chicken wings? what are you doing? [ laughter ] eating chicken in the bathroom? but everybody's on the internet. writing reviews. you got nothing to do, writing a review on a restaurant. i don't know, me and my wife we go out to dinner, i'll tell her right there -- "salmon sucked, let's get the hell out of here." that's the review. we don't go home and tattle tale on the restaurant. who's got time to write an 18-page essay on the asparagus they had last night? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but, i go out to eat a lot. here, today, i just went to chipotle. [ cheers ]
love chipotle. but the food is so sensational, the employees can't stop eating it. every time i walk in, there's 15 employees eating. the only guy that's behind the counter is the guy cutting chicken, just looking at me. this guy's not trained on burrito building. he's chicken cubing eight hours a day. [ laughter ] and the people that get so involved when they order the burrito, right? they had to put a spit guard up. but the people don't even get it. they're still -- can i get corn? just say corn. they could hear you. it's not soundproof. and nobody talks to the chipotle people. they hear the same stuff ten hours a day. chicken, cheese, peppers gone.
[ laughter ] i've never seen anything like it. [ applause ] steak, sour cream, lettuce. and the employees -- and god forbid if you ask for guacamole, they don't tell you it's extra money. you ever ask for guac? can you put some guac on there? it's $1.20 extra, is that okay? yeah, throw it on. what's the? what happened to you the last time you put guac on a burrito and didn't say anything? [ laughter ] thank you. you guys have been great. appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: sebastian maniscalco. check out his special "are you embarassed" on showtime all this month. we'll be right back! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to liam hemsworth, katherine heigl, sebastian maniscalco. kool & the gang. and the roots, ladies and gentlemen, right there. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week. bye bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪