tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC November 20, 2014 12:36am-1:38am EST
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: just want to say it once again, i know it was last minute but thank you so much for coming by. >> sure. >> jimmy: you're a good man, jim gaffigan. [ cheers and applause ] a funny human being. jon stewart of course, thank you, jon. padma lakshmi, and jim gaffigan once again, the roots over there. they played music from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned to "late night with seth meyers," thank you for watching, have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. thank you so much! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- keira knightley, legendary sports broadcaster al michaels, music from st. lucia, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] excellent to hear. excellent to hear. i hope everyone is staying warm.
this weather is crazy. in fact, this is true, due to extreme weather in upstate new york, some drivers were stranded in their cars for up to 36 hours. and it was pretty intense. some of them reported hearing that new taylor swift song on the radio as many as 100 times. [ laughter and applause ] it's five feet of snow, taylor! i cannot just shake it off. [ laughter ] can't even get the wipers to go. i couldn't believe this. according to a new poll, americans believe that ebola is the third most urgent healthcare problem in the united states. they also believe the first two are obesity and zombies. [ laughter and applause ] congratulations to chris hemsworth. today "people" magazine named actor chris hemsworth the sexiest man alive. [ cheers ]
the sexiest man alive. and then they named cnn's don lemon sexist man alive. [ laughter ] which is less coveted. it's famously less coveted than sexiest man alive. i like this story. okcupid is adding more gender and sexual orientation are options on their website, including asexual, pansexual, questioning, demisexual, heteroflexible and homoflexible. but they still don't have a category for not desperate. [ laughter and applause ] that was not on there. and this is cool. netflix announced yesterday that they are expanding to new zealand and australia in march. of course, in australia, the buffering icon spins the other way. [ laughter ] this is here, and this is there. this is here. [ in australian accent ] don't worry. when it's done, they're going to watch terrible movies.
[ laughter ] there it is. there it is. listen to this. according to a new study, the most common age in america right now is 22, which is why the most common expression in america right now is, "so, you're moving back in with us, huh?" [ laughter and applause ] this is really cool. google announced yesterday they are purchasing the output of an 18 turbine dutch wind farm to supply power to its data center in one of their buildings. when asked what he thought of the deal, one of the turbines said, "i'm a big fan." [ laughter and applause ] might have thought that was going to be a joke about wind power. no. that was a dumb joke. [ laughter ]
this is surprising to me. almost $800,000 -- $800,000 in cocaine was found hidden inside a rope being used to tie down a shipping pallet at london's gatwick airport yesterday. said one dock worker, "i just like tying up all day. square knots, bow lines -- double bow lines, fisherman knots, triple bow lines. i just like knots. i just like knots." [ cheers and applause ] i was happy to hear this. the man, ylvis, who wrote "what does the fox say", has released a new song about gluten intolerance. [ laughter ] it's called "what does the fox never shut up about." [ laughter and applause ] not sure what to think about this. the creators of the lammily doll, a realistic version of barbie, are offering special sticker packs which will allow kids to give the dolls acne, cellulite and tattoos.
it's the perfect doll for regular barbie to make fun of. [ applause ] and finally, i love this story. monday was brazil's annual miss bumbum contest. brazil's annual miss bumbum contest, which is a beauty pageant for the country's best female butt. when asked how they prepared for the event, one contestant said, "years of hard twerk." [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how we doing, 8g band? everybody good over there? fred, lovely to see you. >> fred: yeah, hi. >> seth: fred, my favorite thing about having you here, of course, is we get to talk about each other's lives. i get to find out more things about you. it's so exciting for me. the one thing, due to how many
things you have going on -- the one thing that worries me is people watching at home might think you're just making up answers to my questions off the top of your head. but, you know i know, that as a friend, you wouldn't do that, you know? [ laughter ] so, obviously, we were talking about the huge amounts of snowfall. upstate new york got it really bad. i heard you revolutionized a new snow removal process. >> fred: yeah. the common mistake people have is, like, they try to move too much snow at the same time. so i've developed a way you can get legos and turn them upside down, and do little scoops. because it's just -- you know, it's more trips to do. but it's like a lot easier on your back. it's a lot easier on your arms. >> seth: yeah. so instead of going out with a shovel, which, again, i see what you're saying. you get a big thing of wet snow, that could hurt your back. you just go out with one -- one lego? >> fred: well, i like a handful. i mean, you just sort of pick it out from there. you know what i mean?
so it's one, but then there's like six in the other hand. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] and then where do you take it? >> fred: to the curb. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] that's great. now, is this in conjunction with the lego company? have they approved the use of this? >> fred: they haven't approved of it yet. they really don't answer my emails or anything. >> seth: okay. do you have their emails? >> fred: yes. it's firstname.lastname@example.org i think, or something like that. but, when they get back to me -- i mean, you know, i'm doing it for them and for the snow, and for us. >> seth: okay, great. well, congratulations. that's great. and you're just so smart. i can't believe you keep thinking up things. give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] as a reminder, if you're in san francisco, i'm going to be there friday at the palace of fine arts. please come check me out. you guys, we have such a great show for you tonight. keira knightley is here. [ cheers and applause ] she is in a great new film. i can't wait to talk to her about that. "the imitation game." also stopping by, one of the most iconic sports broadcasters working today, al michaels is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
and we will also have music from st. lucia, a really fun band. [ cheers and applause ] so, are you guys familiar with uber? anybody here use uber? [ cheers ] all right, good. so for those of you who don't know, it's a car sharing service. it's competing with taxis in lots of major cities. well, this week, uber is facing some serious criticism because, on monday, their vice president of business, emil michael, told a group of people at a private dinner party that uber should consider spending $1 million to hire opposition researchers to fight back against critical journalists by digging into their personal lives and their families. which brings us to a segment we call "couple things." ♪ >> seth: so, uber, a couple things. first thing, it's bad to dig into people's personal lives, but their families? you sound like paulie walnuts from "the sopranos." then again, i think i saw a "sopranos" episode once where paulie said, "remember, we don't go after their families. that's not us."
so like, what exactly is going on with the corporate culture at uber? earlier this year, ceo travis kalanick called the fact he now gets hit on by a lot of women "boober." are you a man, or did they just spray axe body spray into a suit until it became sentient? second thing, to his credit, emil michael apologized for his comments about journalists. but he also said that those comments he made inprivate do not reflect his actual views. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. that is not how it works. the comments you make in private are absolutely your actual views. that's why you make them in private. it's comments you make in public when everyone is listening and recording what you're saying that don't reflect your actual views. that's true for all of us. the truth is always worse than what we say in public. in fact, if you publicly said you wanted to spend $1 million digging up dirt on journalists, i would have said, "holy crap, uber is murdering journalists." [ laughter ] third thing, speaking of journalists, you made your comments about smearing journalists with journalists around. arianna huffington was there. the editor of buzzfeed was there.
sure, you later said you thought the dinner was off the record. but you can't tell a group of journalists that you're planning on going after journalists. that would be like voldemort walking into hogwarts and saying, "hey, just so you guys know, i'm going to burn this place to the ground. [ laughter ] and that is off the record, hermione!" [ cheers and applause ] side thing, real quick. why would your app send me a message telling me my driver's arriving when i can see on the screen that the little car icon -- which i love, by the way -- is still a block or two away? maybe instead of "arriving," you say something like, "hey, maybe now would be a good time to walk down the street and look for the car." i mean, that's probably not right. but anyways, you'll figure it out. moving on. fourth thing. uber ceo, travis kalanick, the boober guy, also apologized, but he did it in a series of 13 tweets on his twitter feed. 13 tweets! don't jam up my feed, bro. [ laughter ] no one wants to read anything on twitter in 13 parts. it's not a season of "mad men." you write one tweet that says "my apology" and has a link. because i'm going to get all 13 parts back to back anyway.
i'm going to get you first three tweets, then a fantasy football tweet, then your next two, then a sweet pic of the biebs. and at that point, i'm not going back to your apology because i've got biebs on the brain. [ laughter ] final thing. i don't like that this happened to uber. i use uber. sure, they price gouge. sure, they charge you up to four times as much when it's raining and two times as much when it's cloudy. but it's so much easier than taking taxis. and unlike taxi drivers, when i get into an uber car and tell the driver i want to go to the airport, he doesn't go, arggggggg! [ laughter ] ugh! ugh! [ cheers and applause ] fine! fine. just think for a minute, whenever some company or group does something disgraceful, it's always some product i like. uber, chick-fil-a, the nfl. sure, i can eat kfc while trying to hail a taxi on the way to a hockey game, but i don't want to. i do not want to. this has been a couple things. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ get ready for some german engineered holiday excitement.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: let's get started. 4700, the price in dollars the gold plated juicer in gwyneth paltrow's holiday gift guide. two, the number every giant balls you've got to have to recommend buying a $4700 juicer to the american public. [ cheers and applause ] four, the number of hours vladimir putin claims he needs to sleep in order to be good at his job. [ light laughter ] 100, the percent of those hours he sleeps hanging upside down. [ laughter ] there he is. [ cheers and applause ] 24, the percent of millennials who say they expect their student loans will be forgiven. 76, the percent of millenials who are kind of surprised their parents haven't taken care of that already. [ laughter ] what gives. [ applause ] one, the number of students who had sex with a sheep at fresno state university because he was stressed about midterms.
[ laughter ] four, the number of as he got. one, the number of ds the sheep got. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] he's okay. that's not actually the sheep, though. the sheep would happen to look too sad. [ laughter ] we don't use his picture because he was super bummed out. [ light laughter ] three, the number of months until "50 shades of grey" the movie comes out. [ cheers ] 8 million, the number of theater-goers who will sit in the theater quietly in a room together and watch s & m sex scenes. ten, the number on the scale of one to ten of how weird that is if you think about it. you're essentially watching young attractive actors have sex while sitting in a room surrounded by perfect strangers, some of whom are definitely aroused.
just take a second to think about how weird that is. [ laughter ] weird, right? and it gets weirder. why? because you voluntary paid money to put yourself into that situation. you exchanged legal tender to eat snowcaps and watch bondage. you're essentially watching pornography in a big theater like it's 1972. no matter which way you shake it, it's weird. also, don't shake it in theaters. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] 2008, the year of the rat, according to the chinese zodiac. 1624 to infinity, the year of the rat in new york city. new york city, it's always the year of the rat. 172, the number of passengers who came down with the stomach virus on a crown princess cruise ship that docked last weekend. 172, the number of people who gave new meaning to the phrase "i lost my pants to playing craps on a cruise ship." [ laughter ]
and finally, 70, the number of stories tall 30 rockefeller plaza is. 70,000, the number of stories 30 rockefeller plaza could tell if these walls could talk. one, the number of creepy talking walls that are in 30 rockefeller plaza. >> i once saw chevy chase and carrie fisher split a pastrami sandwich while talking about new york mayor abraham beame. [ laughter ] >> seth: thanks, creepy wall. that was "this week in numbers." we'll be right back with keira knightley. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so many gifts to buy at so many stores. too bad some cash back cards only let you earn bonus cash back at a few places. then those categories change every few months. sometimes it's drug stores, then it's hardware stores.
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♪i want it all! ♪and i want it now! your toys want more. they need more. so get more guaranteed from verizon fios. including your favorite movie channels, blazing fast internet and $400 back. all for this amazing price online, guaranteed for 2 years with a 2-year agreement. so take the hint. and get more guaranteed today. call the verizon center for customers with disabilities at 800.974.6006 tty/v ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our first guest is an oscar-nominated actress who has starred in movies like "pride and prejudice" and "love actually." her new film, "the imitation game", opens in theaters on november 28th. let's take a look. >> my warmest welcome to his majesty's service. if you speak a word of what i'm about to show you, you will be executed for high treason. you will lie to your friends,
your family and everyone you meet about what it is you really do. >> and what is it that we're really doing? >> we're going to break an unbreakable nazi code and win the war. >> oh. >> seth: ladies and gentlemen, keira knightley. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome! >> thank you! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it's so lovely to have you. >> it's very lovely to be here. >> seth: congratulations on the film. it's really wonderful. you got to work with benedict cumberbatch. >> yep. >> seth: who you worked together with eight years ago. >> yep. >> seth: so you've really seen the explosion of how ladies have lost their minds -- >> the cumberbitches. >> seth: yeah. it's just, they've become a thing. >> it's terrifying. >> seth: yeah. >> i mean, they're lovely. i feel terrified saying they're terrifying, because they might come after me. >> seth: yes. and you won't know until it's too late. >> no, exactly. yes, and it's amazing. they're very artistic. they paint pictures of him.
>> seth: oh, really? >> yeah, you go to the premieres and there's these paintings of ben looking ben-like. >> seth: he attracts a sensitive, artistic type. >> exactly. a very hysterical sensitive, artistic type. >> seth: i like thinking of them painting and just being like -- ahh! [ laughter ] >> yeah. i actually had a really embarrassing moment at the london premiere, because they really do. they scream more than i've ever heard for anyone else. i had a publicist with me and she went, you now, go and sign some autographs. and i went over there and went "oh, yeah. of course, of course. no problem." they were like, "oh, no, we don't want you. we're just here for ben." [ laughter ] all right, then. don't worry. >> seth: i remember once, right when i started on "snl", they put me on the red carpet, and i could tell no one wanted my picture. and a guy had his camera pointed down and just put the flash off to give it a sense of light. like -- come on, man, it's digital. you could just delete it later. take the courtesy picture. >> please take the picture, yeah. [ laughter ] it's really depressing when you get that. >> seth: i get when it's film, but just get rid of it later. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: so, uh, you -- this film is an incredible story.
and i feel like not maybe everyone knows this story about alan turing. tell us a little bit about the plot. >> well, alan turing was one of the grandfathers of the computer. but the plot is about breaking of the enigma code, because he came up with way they broke the enigma code in the second world war. he was also a gay man who was arrested by the british government for being gay, and chemically castrated. so, it's an unbelievably tragic story about somebody who was one of the kind of great heroes of our time. >> seth: it's also a thrilling story. because it combines -- it's like a war movie, it's a math movie, it's a love story to some degree. so, it's really, it's all things. because there's so much math in the film, and you play a math genius -- >> yep. >> seth: and a lot of the other actors play math geniuses -- >> yep. >> seth: did you guys try to learn any of the math? >> yeah, i mean, we tried. [ laughter ] we had people to come in and talk to us about all the maths. and we all kind of sat there like this. [ laughter ] and desperately tried to pretend that we understood anything and then realized that nobody did. actually, we brought in
crossword puzzles. because we thought, you know, this is a really good thing to do. so when we're waiting to film, we'll do the crossword puzzles. it took five of us a week not to finish a quick crossword. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, no. >> so, yeah, it was lucky that we didn't have to do a test of any kind to get the part. >> seth: yes. >> yes. >> seth: well, if it makes you feel better, i once saw a bunch of mathematicians in a production of "hamlet", and they were terrible at that. >> oh, good. >> seth: so i think it's better -- >> we'll all stick to our own -- good point. >> seth: you play a character who, again, is a female mathematician. which is still hard today, i imagine, but back then, was even harder. her story is a little bit different in the film than it was in real life. >> yeah. yeah, i mean, like the way that she got to bletchley park, which was sort of the top-secret location where they were breaking the codes and everything. yeah, that was slightly different. yes, it's slightly different. it's basically -- my character, it's definitely a drama and it's not a documentary, but you should completely look up joan clarke, 'cause she was fascinating. >> seth: yeah, she is a fascinating person. >> she was definitely one of the -- in the team that broke the enigma code. which, given that it was the 1940s, it's sort of extraordinary that there was a woman at the center of it.
>> seth: well, it's really great. i think everybody should see it. i heard something -- i met your mother backstage and heard something about her that i kind of hope is true, because it's maybe one of the best things i ever heard. she told you to watch "breaking bad", the show "breaking bad." >> yeah. >> seth: which i love. a lot of people, i think, have recommended "breaking bad" over the years. but she thought you should watch it, because she thought it was a hilarious comedy. >> yes. [ laughter ] and what's extraordinary is she still stands by it. and i went, okay -- 'cause i watched three episodes. and i've actually only seen three episodes, because i thought it was gonna be a comedy. it was so dark, and i got so freaked out that she found it so funny. [ laughter ] i was just like, "i can't deal with this at all." so, i said to her, "what was it that you found funny?" and she was like, "you know, i mean, it's hilarious, he's dying -- [ laughter ] and then there's a body in the bath and they melt it with acid. and it's just hilarious." yeah, i mean, it's sounding hilarious right now. >> seth: was this the first time you've ever seen this side of her? of getting something, what would you say, 100% wrong? >> or just psychotic? >> seth: yeah. >> it was the first time i realized that she was a psycho. >> seth: oh my goodness.
what a weird way to find out. >> i know, i know. >> seth: she seemed lovely, by the way, i should say. >> yeah, but they all seem lovely, don't they. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's right. that's right. you know what, now that you mention it, she seemed a little too lovely. [ laughter ] >> i know, exactly. terrifying. >> seth: oh, my goodness. now i'm nervous that she's back there. >> so am i. and she's my mother. what's going to happen? >> seth: the cumberbitches are going to come after you and your mom. >> oh, well now, i'm fine. because i've got my psycho mom. [ laughter ] oh, i can't say that. sorry, mom. >> seth: we shared something, which i didn't realize as well, we support the football team west ham. >> yes. >> seth: i say "football," because you're british. i, of course, mean a soccer team, for my audience. but i thought that you're the guest -- >> yes, yes, i appreciate that. thank you. >> seth: and so, i love the team. you love the team. >> why do you love the team? >> seth: i was in london one time, and i had always wanted to see a premier league game. and so i went to a ticket agent and i said, "who's playing in london?" they gave me a choice. i had arsenal, charlton athletic, and west ham. and i thought, this will be the only time in my life i'll go to east london, which i kind of wanted to do. >> okay, yeah. >> seth: so i went and i kind of fell for it.
it was great. >> well, that's great. i just have to say, because not a lot of people will know west ham. they're not a team that wins. >> seth: no, they're real bad. [ laughter ] >> he has that. he picked a really -- like arsenal at least wins. >> seth: looking back, i picked the wrong one, if you like winning. >> i'm really glad that you picked it. >> seth: and i stuck with it. i stuck with it. >> good. well done. >> seth: now, there's a thing, because i of course haven't gone -- that was the only one i've ever gone to. i have to watch on t.v. so, there's a song, explain the song to everybody. >> this song is great. so, at the beginning of the game, like, there's this song. you sing the song, but also you blow bubbles, because the song is called "i'm forever blowing bubbles." and so you have all these bubbles that go across the pitch. but, the problem with the song is that the song is really sad. the song is about not winning. the song is, in fact, about your dreams fading and dying. [ laughter ] so it's sort of not really a surprise that we lose all the time when you have this song. >> seth: well, when you think about it, bubbles are really exciting at first, but then the minute you blow them, they're about to die. >> they pop. yeah, they really do. they disappear. >> seth: they blow them, and they're slowly dying. >> exactly. >> seth: but then -- but let's be honest, they're having a great start to the season. >> they're having an amazing time this season.
i'm almost not watching. i'm sort of watching every game like this, because it's not going to last. but maybe it will last. >> seth: it's likely very temporary, but it's been lovely watching it happening. >> yes, exactly. >> seth: well, i'm very glad we share that. congratulations on the film. >> thank you. >> seth: it's really brilliant. thank you so much for being here. it's lovely meeting you. >> thank you very much. >> seth: keira knightley, everyone. "the imitation game" is in theaters on friday, november 28th. we'll be right back with al michaels. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it's a marshmallow world in the winter ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. our next guest is an nbc sports commentator and broadcasting legend with seven emmys for his outstanding play-by-play work. you can see him every week on nbc's "sunday night football." and his new memoir, "you can't make this up" co-written with jon wertheim, is in stores now. please welcome, al michaels. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome. it's so great to have you here. >> great to be here. >> seth: we sat next to each other at the opening ceremonies of the winter olympics in vancouver. >> we did. >> seth: and it was one of the -- never in my life had a better seating partner. every dinner party where i sit
next to the loser, i always think there was that one time i got to sit next to al michaels at the olympics. >> and i probably did commentary for you, right? >> seth: you were great. it was everything. >> i don't know how to watch, i have to call it. >> seth; and you would do play-by-play of like, people coming down the aisle with soda. >> here's a diet coke, there's a 7-up, the whole thing. >> seth: i know everything that was happening. you were so good. this is called "you can't make that up." but what i love is there's a story about early on, you go to arizona state and you do make stuff up. >> i did. >> seth: you call "the arizona republic" newspaper -- >> right. >> seth: and you feed them fake sports stories, and they bought them. how did that happen? >> well, i grew up in new york and then i lived in los angeles. so, i go to arizona and it's kind of a podunk town at the time. >> seth: yeah. >> and we decided to put one over on "the arizona republic." so i call up and i make up a player, i call him clint romas, and i call the guy on the desk at night, and i go, "hey, look, clint romas, if you can get this in the paper, pitched a no-hitter, hit two home-runs in a high school game." and sure enough, the next day, it's in the paper. [ light laughter ] so, i call a couple of weeks
later, clint romas hit four home-runs, pitched a perfect game, struck out 20, in a seven-inning game. that's in the paper with like three paragraphs. one more, we now make five home-runs and he strikes out everybody. and doesn't throw a pitch out of the strike zone. that's in the paper. then we go for the grand slam, where a scout for the pittsburgh pirates is now coming and offers him $100,000 contract as he leaves the mound. all the guys in the fraternity house, we couldn't wait for the paper to come into the driveway. >> seth: sure. >> nope, it had been exposed. and the next week, the league columnist wrote a column about how they've been duped. then, years later, i get the walter cronkite award, because the school of journalism at arizona state is named after walter cronkite. i'm sitting there thinking, here is the most respected man probably in the history of television journalism, and i invented clint romas and i'm getting the walter cronkite award? [ laughter ] what the hell's going on here? >> seth: you, of course, famously -- we're talking about the winter olympics. you called the "miracle on ice" game. [ cheers and applause ]
which is, of course, called "the miracle on ice" because of you. i would imagine, because obviously as a play-by-play guy, you have to be unbiased. that must have been one of those great times where you could let bias go. >> exactly, because if you're calling a super bowl, or a regular game, i mean, half the audience goes one way, half the audience goes the other way. but this is one time that unless you're a full-blooded communist, you know, you were with me. i'm doing the game to america, i'm not doing the game to moscow. so, 99.99% were with me. and the other one-tenth of one percent, the fbi was knocking on their door. >> seth: right. "do you believe in miracles," that obviously has to be something that comes into your head at the moment. >> it did. >> seth: as soon as it's over, do you have to go, "oh, wow, i nailed that?" [ laughter ] >> no. you know, because i'm calling the game to the end. first of all, the hardest thing that night was getting all the soviet names right. >> seth: right. >> so, i'm thinking about that. the soviets are putting the pressure on.
meanwhile, if you had come up with a line, imagine me coming up with something like that, and then, the soviets score with one second to go, how dumb would that have sounded? so, it's one of those things where it came from my heart and then the fan in me came out. somebody once wrote the 9-year-old in me came out, i'll buy that. >> seth: that seems about right. a good night for him to come out. >> it was a great night. >> seth: you're obviously known for "miracle on ice." before that, or i guess maybe it was after, motorcycles on ice. explain this to us. >> well, i go to work for "wide world of sports" and i'm there in 1977. and i go to inzell, west germany. they have a thing called motorcycles on ice. there's a cocktail party that starts about 3:00 in the afternoon and everybody has schnapps. >> seth: right. >> so, by the time it starts at 8:00, everybody's crazy. you've got 15,000 germans in -- >> seth: and are they racing motorcycles? >> they race motorcycles on a speed-skating track. and our producer decides -- i'm the new kid of the block, so i'll do anything -- that maybe they'll put me on a motorcycle and i'll come down the straightaway with a microphone and say, "hi, i'm al michaels." as opposed to just doing a
regular stand-up. >> seth: they want you to come down on a motorcycle, skid to a stop -- >> skid to a stop on national television and do my scene set. now, what i don't tell this guy is, our producer, i've never been on a motorcycle in my life, much less on ice. >> seth: sure. >> so now what happens is -- at that point i'm like 5'10", i probably weigh 180. and they put me in the leathers of a russian who was like 5'6" and 143. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> and they give me his helmet. so, i can't move, i'm like this. and i can't hear. meanwhile, now i'm getting instructions in 15 different languages. they hand me a microphone, and the crowd is going crazy, because now we're late in getting the show started. and i'm thinking about -- and meanwhile, i don't know how a motorcycle works. so, i have no idea what the clutch is. all i know is that i was going to let something go with the right handle, the handlebar, and somebody grabbed my hand and made sure the clutch stayed engaged so i didn't take off like an astronaut. >> seth: oh, my god. >> and that's how close i came to getting killed. we decided at that point to put me in a park and just open me up with a regular scene.
>> seth: that's for the best. put you in a heavy jacket and let you talk right to camera. >> but, you know, when you're the new kid on the block, you want to be collegial, and i'll do anything, and sure enough, i almost killed myself. >> seth: you wrote up -- one of the things you did, you called minor league baseball in hawaii. that's incredible. some minor league teams came through. tommy lasorda actually helped you get your start. >> right. our big rival in hawaii was spokane, when it was the dodger farm club. this is steve garvey coming up, and buckner, and bobby valentine. and lasorda's the manager. so, lasorda would call in after every game -- al campanis was the dodger gm, and he'd call in to report on how the guys did. garvey was 2 for 4, valentine was 3 for 5, whatever. and so one night -- teams would come over, because they traveled for seven days. so lasorda calls campanis and he says, "hey, i know vin scully's there -- and he's still there -- vinny's great and everything. but some day down the line there's a guy over here, he's young guy, his name is al michaels, he's really good." campanis said, fine, and goes on
with the rest of the conversation. ends the conversation by saying, "hey, tommy, this guy, this michaels guy you're talking about? how do you know he's any good?" tommy says, "i've been thrown out of the last four games. i'm out in the clubhouse listening to him." [ laughter ] so, tommy lasorda discovered me. >> seth: there you go. [ applause ] you worked with howard cosell. one of the all-time greats. this story, it's almost too good to be true. you're in kansas city with howard cosell in a limousine. >> correct. >> seth: this is the one -- this story's great. >> well, we had dinner. of course, dinner with howard was always mainly liquid. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> so, you know, then the food would come. so, we get into this long, white limousine. and in those years, there was no expense spared at abc. the golden years there. it's the longest, whitest limousine you've ever seen. and we leave the restaurant to go back to the hotel. we're going through a part of town that you don't want to drive a big white limousine through at dusk. and we look out on the sidewalk and there were two kids having a
serious fight. two teenagers, 17, 18 years old, surrounded by a knot of other kids, being egged on. and all of a sudden, cosell opens up the door and he's out of the car. and the limousine driver, a woman named peggy, screams, "mr. cosell! mr. cosell!" and i'm trying to grab him, but i've got an 11-year-old and a 7-year-old at home at the time. so, i'm ready to drive off. i can't save howard cosell at that point. [ laughter ] and he gets out on the sidewalk and he goes, "all right, it's quite apparent to this observer, the young southpaw does not have a jab requisite for the continuation of this fray. furthermore, his opponent is a man of inferior, diminishing skills. this confrontation is halted post-haste." now, he's standing there, he's got the stupid yellow canary blazer, he's got the toupee and he's got a cigar going. it's the moment of truth. everything is suspended. life was suspended. one of the kids, thank god, says, "howard, howard cosell." somehow they dance around him like he's a may pole. they produce a pen, he signs autographs, he gets back in the limousine. as we're driving off, it's so surreal, peggy can't say anything and i can't say anything. we're speechless.
peggy drives about a block, looks into the rearview mirror and says, "mr. cosell, excuse me, but i've been driving 25 years, i've never seen anything like that." and cosell takes a long drag on the cigar, leans back, with smug satisfaction, and says, "pegaroo, just remember one thing, i know who i am." [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's just wonderful. there you go. >> and i lived to tell the story. >> seth: and these stories in this book are outstanding. i highly recommend it. al michaels, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] you can watch him every week on "sunday night football" here on nbc. and his book, "you can't make this up", is in stores now. we'll be right back with music from st. lucia. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: st. lucia is a musical project from south african born, brooklyn based, jean-philip grobler, whose debut album "the new york times" called a good natured, new wave dance party. taking a break from the soldout headlining tour, and here tonight to perform their hit single "elevate," please welcome st lucia.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i don't know how you do it but somehow you always will be there ♪ ♪ and there's nothing to it but somehow you always understand there's no way to ♪ ♪ wake up now too many times i saw you cry ♪ ♪ and no one can make up it you wait for the sun to make the sky ♪ ♪ and no one elevates you elevates you now
and no one's gonna take you gonna take you there ♪ ♪ all this time, never thought i would see you smile ♪ ♪ and you know that i and i know that i see you now ♪ ♪ but i know i can't walk in never go back again no matter how, tonight i'll never go back ♪ ♪ never go back again and no one elevates you elevates you now ♪ ♪ and no one's gonna take
you, gonna take you there and no one elevates you ♪ ♪ elevates you now and no one's gonna take you gonna take you there ♪ ♪ >> so i know you guys probably can't jump in your seats. this is the section where we jump. if you want to join us feel free. let's go! ♪ ♪ and no one elevates you elevates you now ♪ ♪ and no one's gonna take you gonna take you there
and no one elevates you elevates you now ♪ ♪ and no one's gonna take you gonna take you there ♪ ♪ ♪ you know that i want to get away ♪ ♪ and i cannot wait for another day you know that i want to elevate ♪ ♪ time to pick it up and celebrate you know that i want to get away ♪ ♪ and i cannot wait for another day you know that i want to elevate ♪ ♪ time to pick it up and celebrate hold on to your heart you know that i want ♪ ♪ to get away and i cannot wait for another day you know that i ♪ ♪ want to elevate time to pick it up and celebrate you know that i want ♪ ♪ to get away and i cannot wait for another day
you know that i ♪ ♪ want to elevate time to pick it up and celebrate hold on to your heart ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: saint lucia, "when the night" is available everywhere now! for tour dates, go to stlucianewyork.com. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] >> the "late night" music experience is brought to you by t-mobile. want more? t-mobile is setting music free. visit latenightseth.com for original music performances and premiere access to your favorite lnsm bands. t-mobile, unleash.
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to keira knightley, al michaels, st. lucia, t-mobile and, of course, the 8g band! stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> following the show, keira knightley took out the entire crew to buffalo wild wings and challenged us to a wing-eating contest, where she put down 74 jammin' jalapeno wings in
under five minutes. said one crew member, "the craziest part wasn't that she ate so many wings, but that she also ate the bones." [ laughter and applause ] ♪ five years after going on a nationwide tour to promote his book, "you can't make this up," al michaels released a follow-up book entitled, "i did make this up," in which he revealed that he had been living a lie for the last 70 years. in the book, michaels admitted his real name is jeff gardner, that he hates sports, and that when the united states hockey defeated russia in the 1980 olympics, instead of saying, "do you believe in miracles," he actually said "do you believe in marigolds?" he never corrected anyone about it because, he had to admit, miracles made much more sense. ♪ st. lucia went on to have a long and illustrious musical career
before finally retiring to the tropical island of, you guessed it, st. thomas. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ after this taping of "late night," seth meyers defected to russia with a hard drive full nsa secrets. and by "defected," we mean went home to his apartment. and by "a hard drive full of nsa secrets," we mean ate an entire pumpkin pie by himself while "say yes to the dress" played muted his television. [ cheers and applause ] at some point during the taping, this guy realized that this wasn't his brother's wedding, and that he was in the complete wrong place. because he was too embarrassed to interrupt the show by asking, "i'm sorry, you behind the desk, are you part of my brother's wedding," he just sat in his seat the entire time. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ >> carson: hey, you're watching nbc at 1:35 in the morning, which means this is "last call," and i'm carson daly. thanks for being here. coming to you tonight from amp radio in los angeles. and here's what we got for you. for our music, dum dum girls perform from the observatory over in santa ana. we're going to spotlight the new film "a girl walks home alone at night." but first, as an actor mark pellegrino has found fame for his roles in cult-like tv shows like "lost," "dexter" and "supernatural." now you can see him on the big screen in the new crime thriller, "bad turn worse." and for more we go to le belle at the hollywood tower and meet mark pellegrino.