tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC August 6, 2015 12:37am-1:38am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jason segel from "fantastic four" actor michael b. jordan music from big sean featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so exciting.
such an exciting night. tomorrow, i'm so excited about tomorrow night. the first gop debate, are people excited about this? [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. this will be the greatest episode of a reality show i feel like i've ever seen, possibly any of us have ever seen. and it's great, because i feel like right now all the candidates are preparing for the debate. and any other year they would be getting drilled on their policy and the kind of questions they could be asked. but i feel like nine of them right now are just saying like, how do you deal with donald trump? [ laughter ] i feel like that's all -- i remember, i went camping once. before we went camping, a park ranger told us what to do if you saw a bear and i feel like that's the instructions -- [ laughter ] -- they're probably getting right now. it's just, you know, "make a lot of noise. if he sees you, make yourself as big as possible." [ cheers and applause ] walk back. don't turn your back and run. if you run, he'll chase you. do not climb your podium. he is faster. [ laughter ] if you have food during the
debate, hang it from a tree. [ laughter ] you guys, 23% -- this is true. 23% of white republican voters say they would choose donald trump as their top pick for 2016. 23% of white voters. while, 23% of black republican voters work out to three people. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] hair stylists in new york are estimating that jeb bush's haircut would cost $125 and bernie sanders' haircut cost 125 volts. [ laughter and applause ] it's cheaper. it's a little bit cheaper. did you guys see the news about lenny kravitz? [ cheers ] yes, okay. the news. did you see the news? [ laughter ] for those who missed it, lenny kravitz' penis -- [ light laughter ] you guys, it fell out of his pants during a concert after he
squatted and tore his pants. this is true. [ light laughter ] it's true. i hate to be the bearer of bad or good news. [ laughter ] for some of you, that might be great news. but i mean, i guess it is election season, so it feels like everybody feels like they've got to release a poll. [ audience groans ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the poll results of that joke just came in and it did not do great. [ laughter ] it is not a frontrunner. we get very excited about new studies here at "late night." and there is a new study that just came that suggested that people with easier to pronounce names often have higher status positions at work. and if you don't believe that, just ask my assistant steffalificus mylronson. [ light laughter ] guys, that's his name. don't laugh about it.
it's a real person's name. very exciting news. singer robin thicke is engaged to his 20-year-old girlfriend. i guess he wanted somebody who was too young to remember "blurred lines." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in iowa police news -- [ light laughter ] straight from the police blotter in iowa, you guys. iowa police have arrested two men for allegedly building a meth lab in a taco bell basement. [ laughter ] i guess they figured if there was an explosion people would just assume it was coming from the bathroom. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] sure. sure, we can applaud that. today is national underwear day, lenny kravitz. [ laughter ] finally, you guys, kendall jenner and nick jonas
are reportedly dating. they have a lot in common. for example, no one's sure which one that is. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you, 8g band. back on drums with us, brad wilk, everybody. give it up for brad. [ cheers and applause ] drummer from rage against the machine and audioslave. thank you so much for being here. very excited about our guest tonight. jason segel is with us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] wonderful actor, jason segel. jason hosted "snl" years ago when he was doing "the muppet" movie. and it was very exciting for the writing staff, because jason's monologue he sang with the muppet's and it was a lot of fun writing. we got to write with jason, a song for the muppets, and it
went really well at dress rehearsal. and then at air, i don't want to call out a muppet by name, one of the muppets blew their line at air, and it was one of the funniest moments because you're just backstage with a bunch of writers and we're watching it and muppet blew his line and it's that great moment when you're like, "ah, [ bleep ] gonzo." [ laughter and applause ] give that guy a joke. also with us tonight, he's a fantastic actor. i'm so happy he's here. he's in "fantastic four." michael b. jordan is here. [ cheers and applause ] cannot wait to talk to him. and also, you guys, we have great music for you tonight. rapper big sean is with us. [ cheers and applause ] straight from detroit, michigan, big sean is joining us. now, before we move on, we here at the show we believe that no matter who different two things are they can still have common ground.
and to prove it, it's time once again for "venn diagrams." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you remember venn diagrams. we take two seemingly separate groups and then we find out what they have in common. so, let's do it. the republican debate is tomorrow night. so, on one side we have the republican debate. on the other side we have oktoberfest. in the middle, we have sausage parties. [ cheers and applause ] sausage parties. donald trump recently said that if elected, he'd like to have sarah palin in his administration. so, on one side, we have sarah palin. on the other side, we have scissors. and in the middle we have things you shouldn't run with. [ cheers and applause ] moving on, on one side we have a fight with ufc champ ronda rousey. on the other side, we have losing your virginity.
and in the middle, we have over in 34 seconds. [ cheers and applause ] not for me, though. not for me. i'm going to go way longer when the time comes. [ laughter ] up next, on one side we have laguardia airport. on the other side, we have hell. let's see what's in the middle. hell. just hell. [ applause ] you guys, i don't know if you heard this. this is pretty serious news, but during a concert on monday lenny kravitz split his pants. [ laughter ] he exposed himself to the audience. so, on one side we have lenny kravitz. on the other side, we have a parked bicycle. in the middle, we have kickstands down. [ applause ] mentioned the muppets earlier. this just broke. kermit the frog and miss piggy recently announced that they are
splitting after 40 years together. so, on one side, we have miss piggy. on the other side, we have tiger woods, who hasn't been playing well lately. and in the middle, we have no longer hitting the green. [ cheers and applause ] that's what she called it. she called it hitting the green. [ applause ] and finally on one side, we have mike huckabee's presidential campaign. on the other side, we have tom cruise's summer hit. and in the middle, we have "mission impossible." [ cheers and applause ] that's venn diagrams. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ woman: this is not exactly what i expected. man: definitely more murdery than the reviews said.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. you know our first guest tonight from massively popular movies like "forgetting sarah marshall," "bad teacher," and "the muppets." he's portraying author david foster wallace in his latest film, "the end of the tour." which is now playing in select cities and opens nationwide august on 14th. let's take a look. >> you know what i would love to do, man? >> what's that? >> i would love to do a profile on one of you guys, who's doing a profile on me. >> hmm, that is interesting. >> is that too pomo and cute? i don't know. >> maybe, for rolling stone. >> it would be interesting, though. >> ya think?
>> i'm sorry, man. >> what's wrong? >> it's just, you're going to go back to new york, and like, sit at your desk and shape this thing however you want. to me, it's just extremely disturbing. >> why is it disturbing? >> 'cause i think i would like to shape the impression of me that's coming across. i don't even know if i like you yet. still nervous about whether you like me. >> seth: please welcome jason segel. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi there. >> hi. thank you for having me. >> seth: i'm so happy you're here. >> this is so nice. >> seth: it is lovely to have you. >> thanks, it's my first time on the show. it's very exciting. >> seth: i'm so happy to have you here. i'm so happy to see this film. it's a very serious role for you. while obviously we know you for comedy, you're wonderful in this movie. >> thanks. >> seth: i saw it last night. was it, i don't know if fun is the right word. was it something that you were
looking to do was take on a more serious role like this? >> yeah. you know, i think that the things i've done best are the things that are reflective of how i felt at the time. so i think about "forgetting sarah marshall" and that was a time where, like, a break up feels like the biggest thing in the world. and you call it "the break up." and you cry all the time. and i just found at 34 i was thinking about different stuff. and this was right in the wheel house of where i was at. >> seth: this movie is -- i mean, 95% of it is you and jesse together. had you known him before this? >> no. we had never met. i'm a huge fan of jesse's, but i knew, it's a real -- it's almost like an interrogation going on in this movie. >> seth: yeah. >> so i didn't know what it would be like with jesse. they set up a get to know you dinner. and we're sitting there. yeah, it was cute. >> seth: very nice. >> it's adorable. [ light laughter ] so we're sitting there and one of the producers is there. he's trying to like make small talk. he can feel us sniffing each other out. the producer is like, how did you get started writing, jason? and i say this thing, it's like to deflect. i say it was sort of by necessity.
no one was knocking on my door to play captain america. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> it's not funny anymore. i mean -- [ laughter ] then jessie, like, under his breath said just loud enough for me to hear, said, "no, but you can probably play the captain of a weaker country." [ laughter ] >> seth: jesse is really funny and really quiet. it is like someone is listening to a podcast in another room. you're like, what was that? that was great? >> he is like a superior intellect who is always alert. and you know that he's listening to everything that you've said and be ready to cite it later. >> seth: yeah. >> in this movie, it was really important. 'cause that's what it's about. it was about an interview. there's only so much you can do over ten minutes. i can maintain this facade that i'm trying to put up of like, >> seth: right. >> you know, muppet guy. [ laughter ] but over this four-day interview, it gets really tricky. >> seth: also that clip is a very interesting thing. and i know you've probably done a ton of print-erviews. those are scarier obviously because here whatever you say
people will see the context. like, when you do print interviews, and this movie is about a writer who doesn't like to give up the control. have you ever given a print interview where you've said something and said i hope they've put in everything that happened that led up to that quote? >> you know what, i decided not to look at any entertainment news a while ago. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and it was the smartest thing i ever did. >> seth: was it really? >> when i started to see lists that said 10 celebrities with horrible beach bodies. [ laughter ] >> and i was like nine of the 10. [ laughter ] >> seth: it was like 9, then there was that one picture of around schwarzenegger. >> totally. and it was like, "not what he used to be." >> seth: yeah, exactly. so -- how much awareness did you have of david foster wallace before you took on this role? >> i read, as a young comedy writer, you get the sort of short nonfiction. if you haven't read david foster wallace, there's accessible stuff. like, "consider the lobster," "a supposedly fun thing i'll never
do again," which are short, sort of digestible chunks, which is a gross expression as i say it. [ light laughter ] but i never tried to tackle "infinite jest," which is 1,000-plus pages. >> seth: yes. >> and, it's a hard read. >> seth: i have to admit, because i've read his, the digestible stuff you mentioned. but i -- watching the film last night, it made me want to take another run at "infinite jest." when you got the film, did you make that effort to get through the full 1,079 pages? >> yeah it was really helpful to have a reason obviously because, [ laughter ] well, it's true. it's a difficult read. i have some really great dudes in my town who started a book club for me. they had all read it before. and they sort of took pity on me, because they saw i didn't know even where to begin. and it really turned into three dudes and me sitting around talking about feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction over like, burritos. [ laughter ] and it spoke to, i think the power of david foster wallace is writing. it's funny enough that he sort of gets the walls down so they
can talk about these things that sometimes at night you don't feel so good. >> seth: right. well, it's interesting because even in the film, you as david foster wallace say that a lot of young men were drawn to this book, because he talked about a thing that men sometimes have a hard time discussing. >> yeah. well, i think that you're sort of told if you just work really hard so that you can get home and crack a beer and watch tv, that you should feel satisfied. that that's a good life. and a lot of people don't feel satisfied. and when you put it on achievement, it doesn't seem -- i mean, i danced down hollywood boulevard with the muppets. >> seth: right. >> like, that ought to do it. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> for a guy like me. and you feel great for a couple of weeks, but pretty soon what's next starts to come into your mind. >> seth: yeah, and none of the muppets are calling. you felt like you were close friends. >> there are some weird, late night calls occasionally. >> seth: yeah -- >> [ bleep ] gonzo. >> seth: you remember that? [ laughter and applause ]
he was supposed to say, "i guess the chickens out of the bag." and hold up a chicken. instead he said, "i guess the cat's out of the bag." which is just what it is. >> yeah. >> seth: it was great though, 'cause you could see gonzo realize he'd made a mistake. he was like -- [ laughter ] >> i mean, not ot reveal too much, but what's even worse about it is they're under the thing. they're reading it. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] right, exactly. that's true. it's not like they had to memorize it. >> they're just reading it. [ laughter ] >> seth: the other two stars of this film are david foster wallace's dogs. they're great dogs. >> they're the best. they're the sweetest. david foster wallace loved his dogs. i think part of it is that it's unconditional love. you don't have to have an argument with these dogs, and so we had two dogs for accuracy. and with the best of intentions, you write things like, "the dog ignores jesse eisenberg, but pays attention to jason segel."
well, a dog has no idea it's acting. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> none. nor does it care about my process -- [ laughter ] -- or the plot. so, there were some scenes where i'm doing really serious acting and the way they've made the dogs pay attention to me is i've got pants full of salmon. [ laughter ] they've like stuffed my pants with salmon so these dogs will swirl around me. you can see, like, it is not just great acting. jesse looks disgusted. he looks like something stinks. [ laughter ] >> seth: he doesn't like it. >> no, he does not like it. >> seth: this is also about, you know, an author going on a book tour. you've also, i know you've written films, you've also written books, children books. >> yeah. >> seth: "nightmares" is a trilogy, yes? >> yeah, yeah. the second book actually comes out in september. these books that tell kids, that it's okay to be afraid. there's a lot of messages, "you don't need to be afraid." i'm sacred all the time. >> seth: right. [ light laughter ] >> i mean, truly.
it's one of the reasons i wanted to do this movie. it really scared me, the idea of it. so, it's about how facing your fears is the only way to accomplish your dreams. at some point i realized i couldn't say that to 10 year olds and not do it myself. so, it really helped me. but, i do these book tours where i read to kids and there's a q and a after. >> seth: it's fantastic. >> and you get asked the cutest stuff. and on one, this little girl who was obviously way too young to have autonomous thinking -- [ laughter ] -- got put into the aisle to ask a question. and they bring her the microphone, and the mom like whispers in her ear. the girl goes, "frozen." [ laughter ] and there's a weird pause. nobody knows quite what to do. and the mom shakes her head disappointed. then she whispers in her daughter's ear. and the daughter goes, "oh, what's your favorite movie?" [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's fantastic. >> it was the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. >> seth: that's outstanding.
thank you so much for being here. congrats on the film. jason segel everybody, "the end of the tour" opens nationwide august 14th. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ run away with me what will you be able to do in a jeep renegade? ♪ lost souls in revelry pretty much anything you want. ♪ and i said hey, hey hey hey living like we're renegades ♪ the most capable small suv ever. with available selec-terrain traction control that can be adjusted to take on mud, sand or snow. the all-new jeep renegade. ♪ renegades take off... and take on anything.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: brad -- brad made me drum so hard, my action figure fell down. [ laughter ] everybody, our next guest is a talented actor who has starred in films like "chronicle" and "fruitvale station." starting friday, you can see him as "the human torch" in the new movie "fantastic four." let's take a look. >> strap in and get comfy, kid. we're about to make history. all right, gentlemen, hands and feet must remain inside the ride at all times. >> don't blow up. don't blow up. >> oh, yeah. that's what i want to hear before going into another dimension. >> three.
two. one. >> seth: please welcome michael b. jordan. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> the drums! >> seth: he's drumming this place to the ground. [ laughter ] >> i love it. >> seth: congratulations on everything. i'm so happy you're here. i'm such a big fan of yours. >> likewise, man. >> seth: have been for a long time. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and, you know, i had your co-star miles teller was on the show on monday. and he admitted he was not a big comic book fan growing up. that is not true of you. >> i was a comic book nerd. definitely -- >> seth: okay, great. >> i grew up watching a lot of cartoons. "dragon ball z" changed my entire childhood. [ laughter ] it was a big deal, man. to be able to play johnny storm, a character that i kind of grew up, emulating and pretending to be, destroying my mom's couch cushions, throwing fire balls
and stuff like that, it was a dream come true. >> seth: the first time you saw a poster that was a bigger deal for you than your co-stars? >> yeah, man. i mean, come on. just being there in the suit, and just standing there with your arms on fire and stuff like that. it was my first time coming to new york since they put the promotions up, so it was kind of cool to see myself on bus stops and busses and stuff. >> seth: now, what was the actual suit like? like, what did you have to wear because you weren't actually on fire? >> no. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> no, no, no, no. >> seth: i don't know how movies work, but i do like that. >> i had three different versions. i had one practical suit that everybody sees that's not on fire. then i had, like, a light suit. if i went to like "burning man," i'd be at the raves. i would be the guy because it was literally just lit up. i was lit up, like all my arms. >> seth: i hope that there's a sequel, the human torch goes to burning man. i'd like to see that. >> that would be really cool, wouldn't it? [ laughter ] anyways, the suit was amazing. and then, i also had to do one version where i was, like, kind of naked. so there was a naked version, a light-suit version, and then a practical-suit version. >> seth: that's great.
and we can see the naked version's on "cinemax," right? >> that's we were going. dvd extras. [ cheers ] >> seth: now, this is also a bit of a coincidence, but you and miles are both -- after the film, you were both playing boxers in films. >> yes. >> seth: did you have to have the same training regimen to get ready for your next film? >> i mean, kind of. we worked out a lot, you know? he was losing weight, and i was gaining weight. >> seth: you had to go up a class, and he had to go down. >> he was anorexic a little bit. he was throwing up all the time -- i'm just joking. no -- [ laughter ] but he was on literally on a crazy diet and i was eating everything in sight. >> seth: so you win, kind of. >> i kind of, yeah, a little bit. >> seth: so i want to talk about your boxing movie, because the trailer is so fantastic. it's called "creed." it's in, sort of, the "rocky" canon of films. sylvester stallone is in the film. >> which is amazing. shout out to sly. sly is awesome. >> seth: the same director as "fruitvale station," which was such a fantastic movie you were in -- is this movie as good as it looks in the trailer? >> i saw it the other day, and it is pretty heartfelt. it's amazing.
i think we paid a perfect homage to all "rocky" fans that grew up with "rocky and all those characters. it is the 40th anniversary this year. and getting the chance to play apollo creed's son, i mean, it's a perfect legacy, and it's an honor to be a part of that program. >> seth: that's fantastic. now, you -- i feel like, have been in two of the most iconic television shows of all time. "friday night lights." [ cheers and applause ] and "the wire," and you were in "the wire" as well. >> yes. >> seth:l now, are those shows people still approach you about those all the time? >> yes. it's crazy, man. i mean, to be a part of those shows kind of stood the tests of time, you know. it meant so much to the fans. i get a "where's wallace?" all the time when i'm walking down the street. "where's wallace?" i'm like, "i'm right here!" "i'm right here!" [ laughter ] die-hard texas fans and die-hard "friday night lights" fans. [ cheers ] okay, all right. >> seth: do "friday night lights" fans want to ask you how vince's football career is going? because when i see you, i do. [ laughter ] >> where would you think vince is right now? >> seth: i feel like vince probably went to college. >> college, okay, okay. >> seth: i think he played some college ball.
i don't think he made it to the pros. but i feel like he's a happy person. >> he's definitely okay. no, but a lot of fans, they always want to know where i'm at. i'll tell him, "maybe he went to the nfl. maybe he didn't." >> seth: it's weird you're having conversations about a make believe person. [ laughter ] >> it's not a lie. he's kind of not real. >> seth: wallace, they don't ask that to because he's not alive, even fictionally. >> yeah. >> seth: spoler alert, they've had to watch it, i feel like at this point. >> it's been a decade. >> seth: more than a decade, yeah. [ laughter ] that sort of famously on shows, i feel like "the sopranos" or "the wire," these kind of shows, you're always at risk at finding out your character is not going to make it. did you see this coming when you were on the show? how did they let you know? >> yeah, i mean, i was so young at the time. i think everybody kind of knew nobody was safe because we were dropping like flies. [ laughter ] when we got the script, we would literally just skim through it to make sure your name is at the
end of the script. you're like, "okay, cool. now i can go back and read it kind of casually. [ laughter ] so, right around the time while i started using drugs, i kind of figured he was gonna get killed off maybe towards the end of the season. sure enough, you get that knock on your trailer from david simon. he's like, "mike, look. i love you, all right? everybody on the cast loves you. the fans, they love you. that's why we've got to kill you." >> seth: oh, no. [ laughter ] >> i thought my career was over. at that age, you know, i kind of, like, grew up around these guys, all these veteran actors and stuff like that. >> seth: how old were you in your first year? >> i was like 14? >> seth: god, man, that's crazy. >> i was, like, 13, 14 right around that time. >> seth: got ya. i felt like my career was over. they were like, "no mike. you'll be fine. you're gonna do other things." i'm like -- [ sobbing ] "how do you know that? you don't know!" [ laughter ] but i guess they knew something i didn't. so it was cool. >> seth: are you prepared now -- has this happened yet? being in one of these marvel comic-book movies? obviously "the wire" and, you know, "friday night lights" -- you weren't taking over something that existed before. have people already approached you about their own emotional connections to the "fantastic four"?
do you get that a lot? >> comic book fans, they're so passionate about what they love. they take ownership over these characters. they kind of grew up with them. they want a good movie, you know. just as much as i want a good movie. so they definitely express that a lot. i stay off of twitter and instagram as much as i can. you just got to block all that stuff out. but they definitely express their passion, especially at "comic con." >> seth: was that the first time you went to "comic con?" >> that was the first time. it was massive. just to see all the costumes and all the fans out there on the floor. >> seth: it's really exciting to see people who are just so confident and so happy looking, so weird. it's the best. [ laughter ] you kind of go, "yeah, why am i ever not in my head? these people are just living it up." it's great. >> yeah, storm troopers in underwear. it's just, like, crazy. >> seth: i will say, if you ever go back in one of your human-torch suits, don't do the naked one. i feel like, on the floor -- >> that would be a little weird. >> seth: seriously, it's such an honor to meet you.
i think you're such a great actor, and i'm so happy you've got all this exciting stuff happening for you. >> thank you. >> seth: give it up everybody for "michael b. jordan." [ cheers and applause ] "fantastic four" opens in theaters on friday. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ me and you, ♪ and you and me. ♪ no matter how they tossed the dice. ♪ ♪ it had to be. ♪ the only one for me is you. ♪ and you for me. ♪ so happy together! now there's a rewards program that lets you earn points at one place and use them at another. introducing plenti. ♪ ♪ when it comes to rewards, there's plenti together. ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. so tomorrow night, as we discussed, is the first republican presidential debate and safe to say donald trump has been making news with his campaign and his conservative message has not only struck a chord with some americans, but it also struck a chord with one member of my writing staff, conner o'malley. now, conner's not normally a political person, but he got trump fever. he now strongly supports trump. and i thought it would be interesting to talk to him about trump in the debate. so ladies and gentlemen, please welcome conner o'malley. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so -- [ laughter ] so conner, is it safe to say -- was i correct in saying you have
trump fever? you have debate fever? >> absolutely, seth. [ laughter ] i can't wait for trump to stand on the middle of the stage and destroy the other candidates. >> seth: now, i also understand that you went out in new york city and that you filmed something. >> well, i want to do my part to help mr. trump to prepare for the debate, so i went out on the street and asked ordinary americans to ask me questions that the candidates might ask donald trump at the debate on thursday. >> seth: okay, and now, did donald trump -- [ laughter ] did donald trump ask you to do this? >> i wish. [ laughter ] >> seth: no? >> roll it, alex! >> seth: okay, let's take a look. >> hi, i'm in the street in new york city, doing debate prep for the donald trump. ♪ >> what's your plan for the economy? >> my plan for the economy is that all the land from the
mississippi to the pacific ocean will be covered with sod and will turn into a golf course. >> i think that's a really terrible idea. >> hey, guess what? [ laughter ] >> women's rights are really important to me. what do you think about women's rights? >> i think women should get a stipend for spray tans and breast-enlargement surgery. if trump is elected, he promises there will be a "sex and the city 3." the whole gang will be back together. [ laughter ] >> hola, mr. trump. >> no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no. talk english, talk english. >> mr. trump, what are your thoughts about immigration? >> here's what my immigration policy would be, is we would take a big-cartoon wooden saw and saw mexico off the united states and watch it sail out into the ocean. then they'll crash and burn because el chapo is running that place. [ laughter ] >> i have a daughter in college and writing checks is wearing me out. how do you feel about free college constitution? >> if you don't have the money to go to college, you're not smart enough to go to college, because money obviously equals intelligence, right?
♪ living in america ♪ >> so mr. trump, how do you feel about climate change, and what are you going to do to tackle it? >> if global warming is real, which i don't think it is, but if it is then guess what, that means more bikinis on daytona beach. [ laughter ] >> mr. trump, i'm wondering how you plan to handle the epidemic of police brutality toward black -- ♪ lving in america >> donald trump! donald trump! donald trump! >> you have no class! you're overrated! you're trash! you're garbage! and i'm tired of it! and it's people like you that are ruining this country, and i'm tired of it! [ laughter ] >> we're on, we're on, we're on. >> that's it! >> come on, come on, baby. see what you got. >> time for "stump trump." where chumps try to stump donald trump. ♪ >> who was the second president of the united states? >> sammy hagar.
[ ding ] >> who is the current u.s. president? >> kenya man. [ ding ] >> what it the united states's number one export? >> sex appeal. [ ding ] >> who is the current secretary general of the united nations? >> coffee doffee. [ ding ] >> what year did the u.s. declare independence from great britain? >> 2159. [ ding ] >> who is vladmir putin? >> he played drums for "rush." [ ding ] >> who is the prime minister of israel? >> jerry seinfeld. [ ding ] >> you tried to your best to stump trump, but it obviously didn't work. but we give you a consolation prize. here you go. here's a t-shirt that just says, "i'm dumb." [ laughter ] it says "dumb." it's what you are, bud. ♪ lving in america >> there you have it. donald trump won the debate. tune in tomorrow when he double wins the debate. tune in tomorrow when he double-wins the debate. ♪ living in america [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what have i multiple times told you about bringing your sword to work? >> bring the sword to work more, and if you're watching at home, go to freecreditreport.com. [ laughter ]
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♪ yeah they used to tell me they used to tell me ♪ ♪ i hope you learn to make it on your own ♪ ♪ and if you love yourself just know you'll never be alone ♪ ♪ i hope that you get everything you want and that you chose ♪ ♪ i hope that it's the realest thing that you ever know ♪ ♪ hope you get the pretty girls that's pretty and everything ♪ ♪ million dollar cribs havin' million dollar dreams and when you get it all just remember one thing ♪ ♪ remember one thing that one man could change the world ♪ ♪ that one man could change the world ♪ ♪ all i, all i wanted was a hundred million dollars and a bad chick ♪ ♪ imagine this so much some nights it felt like that i had it ♪ ♪ back on the mattress starin' at the ceilin' tryna to connect the dots ♪ ♪ but its hard makin' those attachments ♪
♪ i'm talkin dreamin so hard some nights it felt like draft day ♪ ♪ you know my my step brother used to flip them bags outside the crib like it was trash day ♪ ♪ no kim k but he bagged yay ♪ ♪ but when you're getting fast money slow down don't crash ♪ ♪ with all the drive in the world swear you still need gas ♪ ♪ look, think about it close your eyes dream about it ♪ ♪ tell your team about it go make million dollar schemes about it ♪ ♪ success is on the way i feel it in the distance ♪ ♪ used to look up at the stars and be like ain't too much that's different ♪ ♪ i be shinin they be shinin get your one shot don't you miss it ♪ ♪ what you know bout wakin' up everyday like you on a mission ♪ ♪ i hope you learn to make it on your own ♪ ♪ mand if you love yourself just know you'll never be alone ♪ ♪ i hope that you get everything you want and that you chose ♪ ♪ i hope that it's the realest thing that you ever know ♪ ♪ hope you get the pretty girls that's pretty and everything ♪ ♪ million dollar cribs havin' million dollar dreams and when you get it all
just remember one thing ♪ ♪ remember one thing that one man could change the world ♪ ♪ that one man could change the world ♪ ♪ my grandma told me if you write your name in stone you'll never get the white out ♪ ♪ i grinded out that black hole then performed up at the white house ♪ ♪ standin' next to jim carrey we traded stories then laughed ♪ ♪ i said you not the only one i know got rich wearin' masks ♪ ♪ where i'm from i swear they broke they need way more than a cast ♪ ♪ we need more than what you have and then we need more than that ♪ ♪ but how am i supposed to say i'm tired ♪ ♪ if that girl from west virginia came up in conditions that i couldn't survive ♪ ♪ went to war came back alive on top of that became a female black captain ♪ ♪ when being black you had to extra extra try ♪ ♪ way before james brown made us proud ♪ ♪ she bought a crib on the same street as marvin gaye ♪ ♪ right there on outer drive and she taught me how to drive ♪ ♪ and she raised the kids then the kids kids and she did it right ♪ ♪ taught me how to love taught me not to cry when i die, i hope you teach me how to fly ♪ ♪ all my life
you've been that angel in disguise saying ♪ ♪ i hope you learn to make it on your own ♪ ♪ mand if you love yourself just know you'll never be alone ♪ ♪ i hope that you get everything you want and that you chose ♪ ♪ i hope that it's the realest thing that you ever know ♪ ♪ hope you get the pretty girls that's pretty and everything ♪ ♪ million dollar cribs havin million dollar dreams and when you get it all just remember one thing ♪ ♪ remember one thing that one man could change the world ♪ ♪ that one man could change the world ♪ ♪ >> like i always do, i wanna dedicate this to my grandma, mildred virgina leanord. she was one of the first female black captains in world war two. one of the first female cops in the streets of detroit. she got her masters at u of m. she was a teacher, a counselor, one of the best grandma, the best grandma ever. home cooked meals every day after school. so this dedicated to her. dedicated to anybody else who's doing the best, man, to make a
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