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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  April 13, 2016 11:34pm-12:38am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- ice cube. ellie kemper. musical guest, conrad sewell.
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and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 454, cincy! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hey! thank you very much! sit down, relax, enjoy. enjoy. relax. thank you, thank you, thank you. welcome, welcome, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love! i feel the love from you guys and i give it right back to you. i have to give it right back to you. thank you. welcome, everyone. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it right here, you made
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it. this is the show. [ cheers and applause ] you're all part of the show. thank you so much. here's what everybody is talking about. of course, it's the big new york primary, which happens next tuesday, which is looking pretty good for hillary clinton. in fact, the website -- mrs. clinton, please. [ laughter ] she's in new york, yeah. she's a good laugher. >> steve: yes, very good. >> jimmy: the website 538 says hillary has a 99% chance of winning the primary for new york. yeah, when he heard, bernie sanders said, "my god, i've become part of the 1%!" [ laughter ] [ applause ] exactly what i -- but hillary's been working hard here in new york, even when things don't go that smoothly. you might have seen she had a a little trouble swiping her metro card. [ laughter ] on the subway this week. her campaign website even has a a gif of the incident as its new error page.
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this is real. if you go to her page, you have an error, it just shows this over and over again. [ laughter ] that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: nope, nope, nope, nope. nope. nope. >> jimmy: hillary said it's important to laugh at yourself. then people started laughing, and hillary was like, "that's enough." [ laughter and applause ] there has been some good news for bernie sanders. i saw that the new york transit workers union has endorsed him for president this morning. [ cheers ] that's right. they actually released a video of why they chose bernie over hillary. there it is right there. >> steve: nope. nope. nope. nope. nope. nope. nope. nope. ♪ >> jimmy: i think you call that re-giffing. >> steve: yes. oy! >> jimmy: hey, last night, cnn hosted a town hall with republican front- runner, donald trump.
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and at one point, he complained that the rules of the election are stacked against him by the establishment. you got to give it to trump. i mean, he's the only man who could inherit millions of dollars, have his name on buildings and still go, "life is totally unfair. i can't catch a break! [ cheers and applause ] you wouldn't believe my life." trump's family was also at the town hall. and trump's daughter ivanka was asked if the election is straining her friendship with chelsea clinton. which means we've officially begun the presidential campaign of 2032, everybody. it's happening. [ cheers and applause ] it's already begun. here's some news for the -- from the nhl. the san jose sharks just announced that they have -- [ cheers ] yeah, they signed a new goalie, who also happened to be a male model. [ audience oohs ] here, take a look at this guy. yeah. [ audience oohs ] that would be the first hockey player to ever get in a fight and scream, "not the face, not
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the face!" body! body shot, body shot, body shot! my moneymaker, dude. this isn't good. seven andy warhol paintings from his famous campbell's soup collection were stolen from a a museum in missouri, and are valued at $500,000. or as one janitor put it, "hey, they took down all those old soup ads. [ laughter ] [ applause ] they've been hanging up for years. no one took them down." >> steve: mm, mm, bad. >> jimmy: that's right, seven of andy warhol's campbell's soup paintings from 1 1962 were stolen from a museum. but if you still want to see soup cans from 1962, you can just go hang out in my parents' kitchen. telling you, jim, they don't go bad. soup doesn't go bad. it's floating. i don't think it's supposed to be chunky. >> steve: it's green! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i read that -- it's pea soup, dad. oh, whatever. i read that audience members at the broadway musical version of
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"american psycho" are complaining that fake blood has been splattering on people in the front row. it's not just ruining their clothes, it's making it impossible to hail a cab after the show. i can explain the blood! i can explain the blood. it's not my blood. where are you going? and this is kind of crazy. buzzfeed recently went on facebook's new streaming app called facebook live, and they aired one of those watermelon challenges. this is, you know, where you put rubber bands over and over again on a watermelon until it explodes. well, it took about 45 minutes and 800,000 people tuned in to watch it. that's a bigger audience than a a lot of tv shows right now. [ laughter ] and some people are saying that that stuff might be the future of television. well, nbc noticed. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, good. >> jimmy: and they've already started shooting a drama that focuses on exploding watermelons. it's pretty intense. take a look at this. >> now, you listen to me.
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i don't know what truck you fell off of, but i'm going to need some answers, or things are going to get a lot worse for you. [ laughter ] fine. have it your way. put another rubber band on him. >> don't do this. we're americans. this isn't us. >> this is the america we live in now! put another rubber band on that watermelon! ♪ now, you tell me, where is the -- >> oh, my god! [ laughter ] >> clean this up, and bring me the cantaloupe.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "chicago melon." we have a great show, everybody, give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guys. it's been a great week so far. what was that song? >> questlove: nothing, nothing, nothing. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. all right, yeah. i liked it, man. that was pretty good. yeah, i dug that one. it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, hugh laurie and senator ted cruz will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from future. [ cheers ] and then, on friday, we have robert de niro. we have jesse tyler -- [ cheers and applause ] i love robert de niro. jesse tyler ferguson.
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that's right. we have him as well. and we have comedian nick guerra. you don't want to miss that. that's a good friday show. but first, we have a great show tonight. from the new movie "barbershop: the next cut," the one and only ice cube is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: come on. >> steve: come on. that's a show. >> jimmy: he's -- come on. he was here the other night. he sounded fantastic. he was singing with common. it was awesome. plus, she stars in the netflix series "unbreakable kimmy schmidt," the lovely ellie kemper is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] that's a funny show. >> steve: very. >> jimmy: have you seen that show? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: have you seen "unbreakable kimmy schmidt"? >> questlove: i love it. >> jimmy: if you haven't seen it, it's -- from the genius minds of tina fey and robert carlock. [ applause ] but basically her character -- let's just say her character's been trapped for her whole life. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and now she's coming out of a bunker and living in new york city and just -- >> steve: just learning new things. >> jimmy: learning what life is, yeah. [ laughter ]
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it's really funny. i'll let her describe it. [ light laughter ] it's very, very funny. and we have great music from my man, conrad sewell, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] look at this guy. he's a stud right there. guys, this is very exciting, here. we just got our hands on some new technology here at "the tonight show." >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah. we can take a random photo. >> steve: uh huh. >> jimmy: zoom in on any part of it. okay? and then you can see things that the human eye can't see. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yeah, i'll show you what i mean in a new segment we call "zoomed in." ♪ zoomed in >> jimmy: let me give you an example. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: all right, so you understand what i'm talking about. >> steve: i don't really. but i guess you'll try to explain it to me. >> jimmy: all right, here's an example. here's the first photo. it's a recent -- remember bernie sanders. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: he did a speech and a a little bird landed on his podium. >> steve: uh huh. >> jimmy: yeah, but if you zoom in and enhance it there, the bird is actually a trump supporter.
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[ laughter ] >> steve: really? [ applause ] >> jimmy: with a jaunty hat. >> steve: with a jaunty hat. makie america great again. that's crazy. >> jimmy: make america great again. little bird hat. >> steve: i didn't know that birds love trump. >> jimmy: yeah, well this bird does. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: let me give you another example. >> steve: okay, good. because i'm still not grasping it. >> jimmy: no problem. here's vladimir putin riding on a horse. [ laughter ] shirtless. >> steve: shirtless. >> jimmy: that's what he does, he rides shirtless on a horse. >> steve: that's his jam. >> jimmy: yeah, it seems like a a pretty macho thing to do, right? >> steve: right. >> jimmy: let's zoom in. he's got a tattoo that says "dance like no one's watching." [ laughter ] >> steve: really? [ cheers and applause ] in english? >> jimmy: in english. >> steve: that's weird. that is odd. >> jimmy: it's the language of love. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: english. >> steve: english. it's the language -- the international language. >> jimmy: international language of love. >> steve: i'm still not getting this. and i thank you for the presentation. >> jimmy: let me give you -- no, problem, and i -- you're a a good student. >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: let me give you another example. >> steve: okay, maybe now, i will grasp it. >> jimmy: basically, we zoom in on photos and enhance it so you can see something -- >> steve: i don't understand. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i get it. >> steve: all right. let me see. >> jimmy: well, let me give you another example, here. here's a photo of those
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castaways who were stranded on a pacific island last week. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: they wrote "help" on the sand in palm leaves. yeah, let's zoom in. see, they actually wrote "help us fix our wifi." [ laughter ] >> steve: wow, they didn't care about being saved. >> jimmy: i've gotta text my -- what am i supposed to do with no wifi?! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: my wifi don't work! >> jimmy: wilson! let me give you another example. >> steve: okay, good. >> jimmy: here's an ad for nbc's "the voice." that's a great show. [ cheers ] we love "the voice." all right. what's that in the corner? let's zoom in. it's ryan seacrest. [ laughter ] "will host for food." [ cheers and applause ] he's got a good sense of humor. and he's probably make -- >> steve: will host for food. >> jimmy: he's probably making a joke. >> steve: he's got to get two more jobs. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. well, here's another one, here. it says "employees must wash hands." a sign from a restaurant bathroom. zoom in, it says, "if a a customer's looking. if no one's around, who cares?" [ laughter ] >> steve: what?! >> jimmy: you see what i'm saying? >> steve: now i -- i think i might be grasping it. >> jimmy: yeah. next up, we have a photo of
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some ancient egyptian hieroglyphics. look at those. >> steve: looks fantastic. >> jimmy: one of those drawings looks familiar. let's zoom in. it's bernie sanders. how old? >> steve: how old is he?! >> jimmy: how is that possible? >> steve: we don't even know how old the pyramids are. >> jimmy: it's a secret of the sphinx. >> steve: of the sphinx! >> jimmy: of the sphinx. the secret of the sphinx. finally, here's a photo of president obama. he looks like he's wearing some sort of watch or a fitbit or something. let's zoom in. 284 days left in office. [ laughter ] >> steve: well, there you go. >> jimmy: counting it down right there. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. that's all for "zoomed in." i'll tell you what it's all about afterwards. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, welcome back, everybody! welcome, welcome back. and thank you for tuning in. i appreciate that. guys, here at "the tonight show," we love music. we love songs. [ cheers ] and we especially -- especially
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love songs written by our audience members in under an hour. [ cheers ] so i hope you guys are ready. it is time for, "battle of the instant songwriters." here we go. ♪ ♪ this is a song that we're sing a song that i'm writing a song about another song ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to "battle of the instant songwriters." before the show, we went through our audience and picked out two people who said they were musicians. [ laughter ] we gave them each a made up song title, and then, gave them an hour to write an original song based on that title. here's a shot of them practicing backstage a minute ago. yeah, that's right. i can't wait to see what they came up with, so let's meet them right now. come on over, guys! welcome! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hi. hi, it's to see you. how are you? hi. nice to see you. please have a seat.
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have a seat. [ cheers and applause ] looking good, guys. welcome. welcome to the show, guys. now, let's start with contestant number one. what is your name, and where are you from? >> my name is claire. i'm from bismarck, north dakota. >> jimmy: hey, welcome, claire. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. thanks for coming here. what was the title of the song you were given? >> my title is, "a cat did my taxes." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. "a cat did my taxes." very comical. >> very. >> jimmy: did you have any trouble coming up any inspirations with the song? >> well, i hate cats, so that was a thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: perfect, you're doing good. are you a dog person? >> i'm a dog person. >> jimmy: yeah, me, too. [ cheers ] and so this is it. so this is "a cat did my taxes." what instrument will you be playing? >> i will be playing the guitar. >> jimmy: hey, beautiful, the guitar. [ cheers and applause ] well, take a seat over there. get ready for -- [ cheers and applause ] get ready for this. now, ladies and gentlemen, here to perform the world premiere of the soon to be classic, "a cat did my taxes," it's
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claire! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ numbers for h & r gonna throw myself under a moving car ♪ ♪ oh i used to think that cats were only good for giving bites and scratches ♪ ♪ turns out mr. whiskers he can also do my taxes ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ i thought man's worst friend came through for me as it turns out it's a catastrophe ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ oh how did he do it i'll tell you now tore up all the forms
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winked and said meow ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how you do it! not bad! that's how you do it! that was fantastic. that was fantastic. thank you very much. beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. that's tough, man. that's tough. now, it's time for our second contestant. what is your name, and where are you from? >> my name's matt, and i'm from queens, new york. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: local advantage. local advantage. all right. well, you heard the first song, that was pretty impressive. now, it's all on you. you think you can top it, or -- >> i could try. >> jimmy: yeah, you can try. absolutely. we gave you a seasonal song. the weather's warming up. people are starting to grill, starting to barbecue, right? [ cheers ] tell everyone what your song title is. >> "i pull my own pork." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: tell everybody what the song title is. [ laughter ] don't just say a random fact.
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don't just say a random fact about yourself. yeah, the song title. >> "i pull my own pork." >> jimmy: okay, very good. okay, yeah. pulled pork sandwiches. everyone loves those. [ cheers ] what instrument will you be playing? >> i'm a guitar player. >> jimmy: we just love the guitar here. go take a seat over there -- >> sure. >> jimmy: on the stool and get ready. [ cheers and applause ] get in the zone! channel that inspiration. ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the world premiere of "i pull my own pork" by matt. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ oh it's hard working in the summertime when the skin starts to flake ♪ body's on the beaches of trains all day ♪ ♪ put a little pig on the spit watch him cooking while he's spins ♪ ♪ no shoes no shorts
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i'm in ♪ ♪ i pull my pork every day i pull it every hour i pull it in the kitchen ♪ ♪ and i pull it in the shower ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ yes i'm a meat man to the core ♪ chill the champagne pop the cork ♪ ♪ and watch me while i pull my own pork ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ mom don't come in i'm pulling my own pork ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the shower. yeah! [ cheers and applause ] pull it in the shower. that's, like, a wet smoke. very tricky way to cook. a tricky way to do it, but gets the job done. guys, it's time to see who won. we're gonna let our audience decide the winner. yeah, that's right. [ laughter ] was it claire? [ cheers and applause ]
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or was it matt? [ cheers and applause ] the winner is, matt, congratulations. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: that's right. matt, you will be going home with this "tonight show's" notebook and pen, as well as $1,000, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> that's nice. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, you lost, claire. so, you don't get the notebook or the pen, but you still get $1,000. [ cheers and applause ] better luck next time. better luck next time. give it up for two new instant songwriters. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with ice cube, everybody. that was phenomenal. ♪ that's not fair, he should give you your rollerblades back. anddddd, she's back. storm coming?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is one of the biggest names in music, as well as a talented producer and actor. he stars in the new movie "barbershop: the next cut," which is in theaters this friday. it's super funny. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome ice cube! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. >> hey, hey! >> jimmy: no one's cooler. no one's cooler. ice cube. welcome back to the show buddy. >> what's happening, jimmy? what's happening, man? >> jimmy: everything's good, buddy. you were just here monday night. i thank you so much. you were with common and you performed "real people." and it was just -- with the roots helping you out. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: it was one of the best. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it was hip-hop magic. we loved it. >> yeah, i mean, we had break dancing. i mean, common got busy and break dancing. >> jimmy: i mean come on, that's the way to do it. >> and you know, real hip-hop coming at you. >> jimmy: but this is a big week for you. a giant week. nwa was inducted into the rock & roll hall of fame. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ well done. >> thank you, man. i appreciate that. >> jimmy: what does that feel like? >> i mean, i'm on cloud nine, you know what i mean? because, you know, we was hated when we first came in the industry. i mean, the industry was like, yo, these guys are you know, straight from the depths of you-know-where.
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>> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> it's just cool to come full circle and have them honor nwa, honor the vision of eazy-e, rest in peace, and to have eazy's mother up there with us, it was just great. >> jimmy: that's just unbelievable. >> yeah, it was great. >> jimmy: we were talking other day -- we had the sugar hill gang here on the show last week. and that was your first -- that was the first rap song you ever heard? >> first rap song i ever heard. i was on my way to the dentist because i knocked my tooth -- i chipped my tooth because i was ditching school and i was playing with a dolly and it came up and hit me in the mouth. [ laughter ] i shouldn't have been in the garage. my mama said, "what the hell was you doing in that garage?" so, anyway -- >> jimmy: what were you playing with? >> a dolly. you know how you take out the trash with a dolly? >> jimmy: i thought you meant like a cootchie-coo dolly. i was like that's some type of hard porcelain dolly. like a metal doll. >> no, no, it ain't no hard core doll. >> jimmy: sorry. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> so, you know, that song came on. you know, and i was like, my
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uncle was playing it and i just made him rewind it. this was when cassette tapes was a thing, the new thing. so he just rewind it, rewind it, rewind it 'till he was like, "man, i don't want to hear 'rapper's delight' no more." he didn't want to hear it no more. no, no we gonna keep going. >> jimmy: isn't that wild to think that's what kids did with your cassettes and your music, they just listened to it over and over again. over and over again. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you made them rappers. >> that's pretty cool. >> jimmy: you inspired people. that's great. >> hey, you know. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now you're in the rock & roll hall of fame. do you want to tell that story about how you met dmc or not? >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: this is a cool story. i never heard this. >> as a youngster i was a big fan of dmc, run-dmc. you know, i was like -- and they was, you know, rap gods to me. and my friend phoenix phil, who we were in phoenix, and he knew -- >> jimmy: that's a good guy to know if you're in phoenix. phoenix phil. give him a call. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> he knew where they were
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staying. phoenix phil, he knew where they were staying. so, we went over to the hotel. >> jimmy: how old were you now? >> i'm like 18. you know? i'm young. you know, young rapper trying to, you know, make it. but anyway, he didn't know who i was anyway. so he comes out the door and he's like, "man, we need a ride to the store. it's dmc. we need a ride to the store." and i'm like, "phil, phil, let's go, let's take him." phil had a truck. we jumped in the back of the truck and rode to the store. me, dmc, you know, we got 40s and it was just -- >> jimmy: 40 ounce with dmc. >> i was in heaven. >> jimmy: that's rap royalty right there. >> rap royalty man. >> jimmy: that's the coolest. >> that and a 40 ounce? oh, my god. >> jimmy: you can't beat that. you know how to pull off -- can i just say you know how to pull off a pair of sunglasses. they just look cool. [ cheers and applause ] you have two pairs. >> my mother-in-law hates them. >> jimmy: she doesn't like them. >> she doesn't like them. my mother-in-law is like, "people want to see your eyes. why you walking with these glasses all the time?" i'm like, "man, i got to be cool. you know what i mean?
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got to be cool." >> jimmy: everyone looks cool with sunglasses. >> everybody. >> jimmy: you gotta do it. >> you can rock them. you want to rock them? >> jimmy: sure. [ cheers and applause ] >> come on, jimmy come on baby. you know i got you, baby. you know i got you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. you have another pair? you have another pair on you? with you right now? >> yeah, you know. >> jimmy: how many pairs do you have? >> ya'll want to wear these? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: we have one. everyone gets one. this looks cool. i feel this is the new me. >> hey, man. >> jimmy: this is what it's all about. >> mother-in-law hate it, but everybody else will love it. >> jimmy: yeah. this is pretty good, yeah. let's talk about "barbershop." this is funny, as always. you have cedric the entertainer, who might be one of the funniest people on earth. he just makes me laugh so much. >> ced is crazy, you know. >> jimmy: he really is. >> and he turns into eddie. i mean, we have no remnants of ced when eddie's on the set.
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and it's just a funny character. and everybody loves to see eddie saying what he wants to say, and doing what he wants to do. you know, there's eddieisms in the world, you know, that he has to -- definitely he's the man. >> jimmy: i don't know how you do all the scenes with him 'cause he's just that funny. but also nicki minaj is hilarious. >> yeah, nicki minaj is great in the movie. >> jimmy: you got some ladies in this new one now. just trying to show that side of the barber shop. >> yeah, you know, the barber shop, for one thing, the recession never left the south side of chicago. so the barber shop had to be unisex because calvin was running out of money. he had to knock the wall down. so, now you got barber shop on one side, beauty shop on the other and a whole lot of mess talking in the middle. it's fun. >> jimmy: it's super super funny. you're gonna love it. we have a clip, here. ice cube in "barbershop: the next cut." take a look at this. >> you girls keep complaining about chauvinistic talk in this shop, but you all do the same thing in reverse. each one of y'all want a super
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thug that can hold his own on the yard at the cook county jail, that got three degrees from harvard and making six figures. meanwhile, you pass up corny dudes like gerard every day. >> exactly. don't no woman want no moist duncan hines-ass dude like gerard. >> no. >> gerard is like boiled oprah. he's just green, stringy. just completely unappetizing to the human palate. >> wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: boiled oprah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: ice cube, everybody. "barbershop: the next cut" is in theaters this friday. we'll be right back with ellie kemper, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ trolling for a gig with braindrone? can't blame you. it's a drone you control with your brain, which controls your thumbs, which control this joystick. no, i'm actually over at the ge booth. we're creating the operating system for industry.
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narendorsed katie mcgintyent obama afor us senate? nt biden because she's a "champion for working families." katie mcginty will take on the republicans and protect social security and medicare. and mcginty will work for equal pay for women - because families depend on it. for the april 26th democratic primary, president obama supports katie mcginty. katie: i'm katie mcginty and i approve this message, because it's your turn to get ahead.
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in the last eight years, the fracking industry has spent over $40 million dollars on lobbying in pennsylvania. so it's no surprise that even though they've had over 4,000 violations, all they've ever gotten is just a slap on the wrist it's time for that change. i'm josh shapiro, and i'll hold the oil and gas companies criminally liable for poisoning our air and our drinking water. i'll be an attorney general who always works for you. democrat josh shapiro. he'll stand up for us. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented, talented actress whose hit netflix show "unbreakable kimmy schmidt" returns for a second season this friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome ellie kemper!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, come on. nice to see you. >> nice to see you too. >> jimmy: you're gorgeous. >> i just said i'm sort of a a disco ball. but, it's festive. it's festive. >> jimmy: no, i love it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's gorgeous. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: i'm a big fan. >> i don't have any fans. >> jimmy: you have some big news for us. and i'm kind of excited that you're going to tell us. >> i have big news. i'm pregnant. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, baby. hi, baby. >> hi, baby. >> jimmy: hi. i can't wait till you see the show. you're mommy is really funny. she's very talented. >> you're the first to bless him or her. now i reveal it's just a disco ball.
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>> jimmy: oh, my god. it's so cute. in fact, you have to have some ben & jerry's for the baby. it's tonight dough. tonight dough ice cream. >> anyone who knows me, i love ben & jerry's. >> jimmy: you do. >> tonight dough -- i'm not just saying this because it's your show. tonight dough is my favorite flavor. i've been having a pint every other night. >> jimmy: yes! are you really? >> i'll probably fall asleep while i eat this because it's gonna be like a pavlovian response because i fall asleep eating it. >> jimmy: like the rest of america. this is perfect. that's what i do. you're doing it right now. hi, everybody. it's the greatest, right? >> thank you, yeah. >> jimmy: the greatest ice cream in the whole world. >> it's the very greatest. thank you. >> jimmy: it's not really proven, but every baby who turns into be genius if you eat it while you're pregnant. >> i've heard that. >> jimmy: but, we haven't proven it yet. >> we're going to in a few months. >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations to michael as well. michael koman. >> that's my husband. he's the father. >> jimmy: exactly, yeah. another big reveal tonight. we didn't know. we were going to get maury out here.
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>> he is the father. >> jimmy: welcome back to secrets, guys. were you pregnant while shooting -- >> i was. during the show. it didn't really affect filming until the very end. we had a table read and my character was supposed to be on the roller coaster, actually the rip ride rocket, which you have been on. >> jimmy: i rode it with kevin hart. >> you rode it. you were a little scared. >> jimmy: i was. >> you swallowed a bug. >> jimmy: a bug went in my mouth. came out of nowhere. hit me in the head. >> it hit you in the head and i've seen the, you swallowed it, i think. >> jimmy: no one believes. dude, i got hit with a bug. whatever, dude. and then we slowed down this hd footage and the bug went -- >> but you're so high up, it's like everest. i don't know how a bug could survive up there but it did. >> jimmy: we train them. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's very expensive. you know how expensive that is? oh, you can't ride a roller coaster. >> no, i didn't think so. i was googling pregnant women on -- some women do. some real thrill seekers. >> jimmy: i'm sure you could do something. >> you do. and it was still very early on. but, i felt that a pregnant lady on a roller coaster is not ideal.
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so, i had to tell my boss, tina fey. maybe you've heard of her. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she knows every secret. oh, i love her. >> she knows every secret. >> jimmy: everyone tells her. >> i told her before i told my mom. >> jimmy: that sounds like you can trust tina. >> you can trust her. you cannot trust my mom. you can't. my mom's here. but because it was so early on, we decided we'll just tell people that i had a back injury and that's why i can't ride the roller coaster. >> jimmy: that makes sense. >> makes sense. i could not act like i had a a back injury. i'm an actress. i could not act like i had a -- oh, it was so. and i guess someone said, what's wrong? and like words escaped me. i sprained my spine. like, you can't do that. >> jimmy: you're a bad liar. >> i'm a bad liar. i kept forgetting i had one. so i would do things someone like a back injury can't do. i would leap up and cartwheel to catering. >> jimmy: not a good idea. you can't do that, no. >> at the wrap party i completely forgot.
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you saw me dance. i'm dancing my friend alec came up and she was like, "how is your back?" it's okay. >> jimmy: can we lower the music? >> the doctor said that dancing could be good. [ laughter ] it was terrible. i think everyone saw through it. >> jimmy: congratulations. we couldn't be happier for you. >> thank you. oh, you're very kind. >> jimmy: come on. it's the best thing. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: the best thing in the entire world. >> and i hope your daughters are well. >> jimmy: the best thing that ever happened to me. explain this show, if you haven't seen "unbreakable kimmy schmidt," it's your first time jumping in. >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have one line to explain this because i'm not good at it? >> it's a very weird show. it's about a woman, me, who escapes from a dooms day cult and starts her life over in new york city. >> jimmy: perfect. that's exactly it. >> your story. your story. >> jimmy: my story. exactly. that's what happened to me. >> tina based it on you. >> jimmy: she based it on my life story. yeah. it is unbelievably funny. >> it's brilliant. >> jimmy: everybody, the co-stars. >> you're so nice.
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it's written by geniuses. and the cast is extraordinary. >> jimmy: they squeeze every -- >> every nugget. and every joke has like five layers. >> jimmy: from the theme song through the show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's comedy, comedy, comedy and just worth it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: oh, please. i want to show a clip. here's ellie kemper in "unbreakable kimmy schmidt." take a look at this. >> what's wrong kim? >> i don't know titus, what is wrong? what's right? what's just ehh? >> i find that life is mostly gray areas especially the parts i can't reach with moisturizer. >> uh-huh, is that why you thought it would be okay to be so mean to vonda? >> i don't know what you're referring to. because in the movie i saw i was a hero scoring a legal victory for young renegades everywhere. >> you couldn't even apologize to her. >> there are three things titus andromedon does not do, apologies, drag and calculus. >> i'm beginning to think maybe you were a better person back when you were ronald wilkerson. >> we'll never know because ronald wilkerson's dead. >> you're just mr. sassafras
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jeans today. >> that's a dumb name for how fierce i'm being right now. >> jimmy: mr. sassafras jeans. just picked up for season three. congratulations. double congratulations. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: ellie kemper, the second season "unbreakable kimmy schmidt" premieres friday on netflix. we'll be right back with a a performance from conrad sewell. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ he network in america. i know what you're thiining, they all claim stuff like that. yeah, but some of them are stretching the truth a little bit. one claimed to be four times better. we said, four times better than who? they said, four times better than we used to be. wh-wh-wha? if you're four times better than you used to be and you're still not the best, your tagline should be, "not as rubbish as we were." (sighs) only verizon is the nation's most awarded wireless network ever. now get 20 gigs on 4 lines for $80 when you switch
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to the best network. ♪usic: "sex machine" by james brown ♪ ♪ ♪ kobe, you suck! you suck, kobe! kobe sucks! kobe sucks! kobe sucks! hang it up, kobe! kobe sucks! kobe sucks! ♪i've been hating you...
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♪...too long... ♪ stop now. ♪you're retiring. ♪and you want to be free. ♪my hate was growing stronger. ♪as you became a habit to me. ♪me... ♪don't make me stop now. ♪i hate. ♪well i hate you, with all my heart!♪ ♪i... ♪i... ♪ohhhh. ♪ i hate you. i hate you. ♪i hate. ♪crowd: i hate. ♪don't make me! ♪don't make me, ♪don't make me so mad.
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i would like three two is standard. i'm not standard. three weeks. ok. dove men+care. the strength test. like leather, skin is stronger when it's hydrated. that's why dove men+care bodywash has a unique hydrating formula to leave skin healthier and stronger. there it is... this is where i met your grandpa. right under this tree. ♪
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(man) some things are worth holding onto. they're hugging the tree. (man) that's why we got a subaru. or was it that tree? (man) the twenty-sixteen subaru outback. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a platinum-selling singer/songwriter who's making his late night debut tonight. performing "remind me," off his debut ep, "all i know," please welcome conrad sewell! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ please lay a little longer
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weight is on my shoulders holding me down ♪ ♪ some days it can't get much darker feel it more than ever when you're not around ♪ ♪ when i think about love you are right beside me i think about us you will always find me ♪ ♪ my heart is lost i know that you'll guide me ♪ ♪ i think about all the little things that still remind me ♪ ♪ these days reflection's like a stranger you are so much braver braver than me ♪ ♪ ohh save me save me from my demons
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teach me to defeat them and leave me at peace ♪ ♪ when i think about love you are right beside me i think about us you will always find me ♪ ♪ when my heart is lost i know that you'll guide me ♪ ♪ i think about all the little things that still remind me ♪ ♪ when i'm living like there's nothing left to lose ♪ ♪ when i turn my back on everything i knew when i settle for the silence in the room ♪ ♪ oh remind me remind me remind me remind me of you ♪
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♪ so think about love and you're right beside me i think about us i know that you'll find me ♪ ♪ when my heart gets lost i know that you'll guide me ♪ ♪ i think about all the little things that still remind me ♪ ♪ all the little things that still remind me ♪ ♪ all my life still you'll remind me ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: come on! hey, fantastic. thank you, buddy. i appreciate it buddy. conrad sewell. "all i know" is out now. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back, everybody! ♪
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and out comes... papa john??? of the bullpen. it looks like he's taking this official pizza thing pretty seriously. for just 6.99 each get two medium two-topping pizzas. papa john's - the official pizza of major league baseball.
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ifbut find it harder and hardert to get by, you're not alone. while our people work longer hours for lower wages, almost all new income goes to the top 1%. my plan -- make wall street banks and the ultrarich pay their fair share of taxes, provide living wages for working people, ensure equal pay for women. i'm bernie sanders. i approve this message because together, we can make a political revolution and create an economy and democracy that works for all and not just the powerful few. brought to you bytitude escape to margaritaville, the new instant game
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to ice cube, ellie kemper, conrad sewell. and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- tom hiddleston, from "game of thrones," actress maisie williams, music from rooney, featuring the 8g band with fab moretti. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. anderson cooper hosted a special cnn presidential forum last night with donald trump and his family. they were all there, trump's wife melania, his daughters, ivanka and tiffany, as well as board of directors of cobra kai. [ laughter ]


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