tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 8, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
>> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host in case you've r coming. before we get started, did any of you here in your studio audience happen to see, what did they call that again?super bowl last night? [ cheers and applause ] i'm going to be honest, my jacket doesn't fit after yesterday. i'm going to open it. and really just relax.know who won the game? okay. spoiler ar lert then, i want to be courteous. last night an estimated 112cans watched the denver broncos beat the carolina panthers. it was the third most watched super bowl ever. you know what the wl ever was? me neither, way hoping one of you would know.
offense against the number one e prevailed. the broncos won despite the fact that puppymonkeybaby had more manning. what is the commercials for die later, constipation, and toenail fung gus. enjoy your nachos and don't take off your shoes. manning's second super bowl title and his family was there in a box cheering for him, including brother eli who rings himself as quarterback for the new york giants. watch eli's reaction as the broncos scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter.ily. >> jimmy: that to me seemed like it? [ laughter ] contrast.
on the field after he won the super bowl last year. giton manning celebrated last night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nice. he must really love pizza. sticks can one man eat? did you see any -- oh, this was a real interesting random celebrity sighting. this celebrity -- watch the man whod here. >> past super bowl mvp who won the super bowl mvp award when the game was played in his diego, c.j. felt. he was trying to -- >> jimmy: was that suge knight?in prison? we've got our own el chapo on
we had ve a champion with us da, marcus ware from the broncos. [ cheers and applause ] also tonight, from the movie "room," the favorite to win the actress this year brie larson is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] on top of all that it is mash-up monday where we mash two musicalrm one glorious pun, a pun-hit wonder. tonight we combine neon trees and squeeze to fn the show. [ cheers and applause ] how many of you went to or hosted a super bowl party last night? i hosted -- i'll tell you e it's not a super bowl party without two things. a bowl of raisins and a pitcher of water. you know? is that just me?l party that sounded interesting, a real ad from craigslist in chicago. party. free booze. we're
you don't have to do anything except get drunk and be a clown. maybe someone will have sex with you after. no pay but you get blackout drunk. don't worry, we won't do anything weird to you after you pass out. anyway, we did investigating. whose party this is? this was? oprah's. oprah winfrey's super bowl party. since she stopped doing the show she's really cutting loose. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did any of you not watch the games last night? okay. a couple. there are 320 million people in the united states, they say 112 super bowl. which means more than 200 million people do not watch the super bowl. i don't know who these maniacs are. i very much hope the departments keeping an eye on them. the super bowl is what most everyone's talking about today. so for those of you who missed
using the universal language of emoji. join me and we'll break it all down. first of all, the broncos played the panthers in super bowl 50. in san francisco. my cousin sal ran pool at my house. some of my friends had a lot of money. on the panthers.nal anthem. it was good. but it really lasted forever. i made smoked chicken wings.d of boring until beyonce showed up. at this point my friends who bet weren't just buzzed, they were hammered. final score was broncos 24, panthers 10. and after the game peyton manningnk a lot of budweiser.
so there you go. there you have it, that's what happened. [ cheers and applause ]y house during the super bowl. so this super bowl was -- >> wait! >> jimmy: what? >> the super bowl was yesterday?yeah. >> super bowl 50? >> jimmy: yeah, super bowl 50, why? >> oh my god. i was too late. i traveled back too late! >> jimmy: what traveled back too late? >> i'm a time traveler! i'm from the year 2525! all my rs at the academy and i failed! i failed again! >> jimmy: don't say that, were you going to kill a murderer like hitler or something like that? >> no, nothing like you going to make a big bet and you'd be itch and your family would be rich forever? >> no! >> jimmy: oh. what were you going to do?
[ cheers and applause ] but just -- for my own curiosity, why bruno mars, why not beyonce? >> i don't know who that is.on't know who beyonce is? >> oh about it bruno mars! >> jimmy: wow. >> since i was a boy in the future i've dreamed of joining bruno on stage at the super bowl in the year 2016. and together wee to "uptown funk," the hottest hit of 2014! >> jimmy: sorry that didn't work out, that's a bummer.our time machine and go back a day and a half? >> no! i destroyed it! >> jimmy: why did you destroy it? >> i don't know! i make bad decisions! >> jimmy: oh. would it make you feel better if you did the backup dancing for me? [ cheers and applause ]ot bruno mars.
>> jimmy: just stand behind me and you can do whatever dance you worked on for all that time just watch! >> jimmy: yeah, all right. so how many did you train for this? >> ten years! ten straight years! you, i around and see it. well, you're doing a great job. hey, we have to take a break. when we come back we have a new episode of "the bachelor" to m tempted to let this go on for a while. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll go through the hottest momentsrday night. we'll be right back. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] little boxes, in the food store little boxes filled with ticky tacky little boxes in the food store
some have food dyes and syrups and are made with preservatives made of ticky tacky and we all feel just the same. but what if, the little boxes with any ticky tacky? but fruits, nuts, and spices only real food all the same. one and a blue one a purple one and a yellow one and they're only made with real food, food all the same. little boxes, in the food store, little boxes we can change.
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>> jimmy: still to come, demarcus ware and mashup monday. musics on the way. another episode on "the bachelor" tonight. week. week six, that means the bachelor season hased longer than most botch lar relationships. this is where it really gets special. ben and the ladies travel to the bahamas this the drama centered around olivia. there's always a crazy one. ben had a very strong connection with olivia. on the earth women do not like her because, well, she's kind ofand so olivia tonight got the ax on the dreaded two on one date. the two on one date is always uncomfortable because one of the definitely going home. look at this, you can see the body language here.
those two are going to be friend s for a very long time. ben, olivia and emily went to a private island, olivia told ben she was in love women him, bens not. >> what i thought ben wanted was everything that i am. but -- i guess not. >> jimmy: okay, that is my favorite thing they do on the show. the two on one dump. the bachelor tells one of the women she's staying and then leaves the other one all alone in someace. last year the bachelor chris left ashley s. on a dirt pile and flew off in a helicopter. this year ben left olivia on the beach. so he rides off in the i guess all olivia can do is hope they shoot "bachelor in paradise" on that island that
at the road ceremony benan's heart, he sent the kindergarten teacher lauren h. on. he did not desert her on an island, he walked her to herthing i've not seen, pay attention to the end of the clip here. >> i'm sorry. ck. >> jimmy: all right, watch right here. she get in the car. and you see there's a sound guy in the back seat. realize when they take these women away crying, not only is there a camera guy in the front seat, there's a sound guy sitting right next to her in the back. guy was in the shot for quite a while.y get it. i don't really get what he --
love? they don't get me, they don't want me -- >> i get you, i want as trying to fall in love with him. >> i can make you happy. i have a job. i'm a sound guy on a very popular show.elor"? >> jimmy: sometimes you find love where you least expect it. [ cheers and applause ]f reality shows. the new hampshire primary is tomorrow. on saturday abc news hosted the eighth republican debate. the big moment as you probably have seen is at the givening. benome out because he couldn't hear his name when he was introduced. he messed up his entrance, that messed up everyone else's entrances too. watch this, this is a pileup. chris christie was the first one.
>> jimmy: here he comes no after that ben carson's name. and oh -- oh, let me help out here. ben! ben, they called your name, it's ben? okay, ben's not -- you know you're not supposed to wake a sleepwalker. >> ted cruz -- >> ted -- all right, ted. so ben, you've got to -- it's time for you to come out now. tell him to comeg -- all right. anyway. ben? here comes donald trump.no, no, not marco rubio! guys, guys. you're supposed to --ut there now. understand? donald! >> former florida governor -- >>. >> jimmy: no, it's note got to wait for the other guys. guys?
heerl. here. on the -- now there's two spots empty. >> see if he's standing there as well, dr. carson. >> jimmy: no, there's two empty e's -- all right. now you've got to go out. wait a minute. what's he doing back here now? >> welcome back to the main trump. >> jimmy: donald, you -- donald goes out there and we're left with him. what about him? who is this by the way? >> we're going to introduceohn kasich. >> jimmy: oh, all right, it's john kasich. all right. all right, now we can watch the one of the greatest clips ever. we have a good show. "mashup monday," music from neon owl champion denver broncos, demarcus ware is here, and we'll
so stick around!] >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by mountain dew kick-start. three awesome things combined. dew. juice. caffeine. thousand people winp one thousand dollars. every day at h&r block. you can still win. get in on this. it's refund season. up? i'm hannibal i'm gonna use samsung pay to get a katz's deli pastrami sandwich.
hey!!! hey what's up?with my phone? you mean like apple pay? we don't got that. no like samsung pay. kind of works everywhere. even on this janky old thing. he wants to pay with his phone.annibal? i want to pay with my phone. don't look at the cameras mike. you ready? it doesn't work. watch me. boom! oh! d pretty much everywhere else. this is a script, not
he came straight in from the postgame party so we're hoping for the best.hant return of mash-up monday which happens all this month on monday nights. tonight, neon trees join forces with squeeze to form "neon squeeze" from the samsung stage. a lot of fun. tomorrow night we have a good show. bill maher will be here along with oscar nominee alicia we'll have music from nothing but thieves. and later this week, sacha baron cohen, owen wilson, zendaya, and music from alessia cara and ma-na. righright. >> jimmy: it is most appropriate our first guest tonight is joining us on the day after the super bowl because i ate almost a whole wheel of her cheese yesterday during very talented actress who won a critics' choice, sag award and golden globe for her work in the movie "room." next, she is nominated for best actress at the oscars, please
hank you! that was such a nice way to sit down. >> jimmy: isn't it a nice way. >> back home it doesn't work like that. bam! great, you smell good. you estimate down right at the drumbeat, everything's going your wayness it's all good. >> jimmy: what did you do for the super bowl? >> it was the super bowl my: it was yeah. you don't care? >> i ate chips. so i feel like i did watch the super bowl. >> jimmy: what kind of chips did you have? >> well -- there's a trader >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> orange chip. that's all you need to know. darkened tv and ate orange chips. how very sad, how sad that is. >> i was surrounded by people that i love. it wasn't that sad. >> jimmy: they didn't care about the game my mom went to a party in the palisades so i knew about it that way.
>> the -- cougars?wasn animal. >> jimmy: yeah. >> right? >> jimmy: you got it right. >> was it a mammal? >> jimmy: yeah, it was a mammal. >> okay. you had to think about it?ve been a reptile. could have been a snake or something. but yeah, yeah. >> you know what it is. >> jimmy: sure, i know, yeah. >> so does it have fur? >> jimmy: yes, it has, i guess. >> okay, okay, okay, okay. >> jimmy: no fur. >> the bears? [ bleep ]. i'm not going to keep going with this. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter. you'll figure it out when the guy from the team comes out here. >> he's here? >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: he's big too. >> is he going to sit here? >> jimmy: isn't it funny, his whole world right now is people going crazy congratulating him. >>immy: you have no idea that he won yeah. to you ease a guy in an orange shirt. >> he probably hasn't seen my movie.
when he comesu're going to feel real bad when he's like, i loved "room." that was a great movie, you did a great job. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you did a great job and the kid jacob did a great job.e kid. >> you got to meet him. >> jimmy: i love that kid. >> isn't he the best. >> jimmy: was he a pain at all? he seems n angel, the most fun person ever. we've gotten so close at this point that we have this symbioticne beyond the movie. like for instance, at the s.a.g. awards we both were presenting together. they pull us together. most people when you're an adult. so you know to like sit and be still. he's like all over the place. he was like -- chocolate coveredhey, pal, no, we're not doing that. going for crackers, no, we're not doing that. hey! tina fey was trying to talk to me but i was like, there'st i'm in charge of and their parents are going
just kept redirecting him. hey, why don't you sit by me? >> jimmy: you were was babysitting but this guy came up to me after watching me and he was like, how old's your son? i got a 6-year-old back at like, oh, no. i was so embarrassed. oh, no, no, he's just my friend. and that doesn't really work either.o be awhile before we understand our relationship. >> jimmy: yeah. eventually it will happen. >> eventually one day. >> jimmy: when you went up to accept the award, because you won at the s.a.g. awards, he wased? >> no, his parents were there. i mean when we were backstage. >> jimmy: i see, gotcha. >> backstage you don't go, can i bring my mom with me? you just go back and: are you overwhelmed? i think you've won how many award news? can you count them? is it in bad taste to count them? >> i think it might be. i have been kind of i was supposed to do with all of them at this point. >> jimmy: what are you supposed
>> i have this weird dream there's some weird cave if i place them all something magical happens. like maybe they all fit together. like indiana jones. >> jimmy: or they arm together and kill you. >> theysformer and they're like, your ego's too big! and that's how i die. i would love to die from awards.ith me. that's good. i almost choked on these chips yesterday and i was like, no, no, this isn't how i'm going to go! but awards would, i would go with of them are pointy and dangerous. they're not all safe. they're not something a child should be around. >> chips? >> jimmy: either of them. chips and awards. maybe, if you were in the movie "chips" and you got an award for that. >> can we invent this right now? >> know some people, i can get you in. >> sony?s big. >> jimmy: dak shepard is still working on it --
>> i'm talking about -- never mind. you know what the odds in las vegas are on your -- youe academy award? >> i don't. i don't know. i didn't pay attention to that. but -- >> jimmy: they're way better than the broncos' were yesterday. >> the broncos? [ laughter ]oh, thank you! now i don't have to be embarrassed already. >> jimmy: like we're playing >> it's not a she that is coming on the show? >> jimmy: it's a man, yeah. they don't have any female players on the team. it's very sectionist. >> they don't? it. that's super weird. i was thinking the coug gor s cougars. old women with young men, super interesting. i watched the puppyretty exciting. i thought i was going to be on the puppy bowl. >> jimmy: why? >> because -- well, because i made a mistake. >> jimmy: what was the mistake? >> directv asked me to becelebrity football game.
the football game, it's before the super bowl, they're not have us play, it's going to be us talking and a camera going around, we're here. i didn't realize until i got there and they like handed me a jersey, oh, no.s this? >> like three, four years ago. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i -- >> jimmy: i know what this game my coach. >> jimmy: eli manning, okay, yeah. >> warren moon was also on the team. and i immediately was like, i got to learn how to play football, i guess. i was trying to casually --'t know who were the celebrities and who were the football players. would you play ball with me? just guessing. warren moon was like, sure. i had no idea who he was. back and forth to me. i'm trying to be okay with catching things. then we played like a live game. and the whole time we'd do these you get real close. >> jimmy: that's what they call them, yarchlts getting close together and warren would keep going, larson's the secret ke, no, no.
happening right now. he was like, i watched her on the field! i was like, i just threw a football for the first time, there's no way you thought i was thought maybe i was joking to trip up the other team but i really was that bad. it wasn't a move. >> jimmy: did he pass the ball to you during the game? >> the final -- wee more pass to win. and i was open. that's the correct term? >> jimmy: that's right, yeah. >> i was open and he had this moment where he could, i motion for me because everything's like a movie. he could have had this moment, she could look and should i run with this? look at me, throw it. he ended up justely got tackled, we lost the game. he was so sad the whole time. he was like, i knew larson was the secret weapon, i screwed it up. i was like, whoo, yeah, youup, i would have gotten that one all the way home for sure. so i got to be the hero that never got to be the hero and i want to leave it at that. >> jimmy: in a way you weren't
but i think that's a positive way of looking at it. >> really i was the hero. >> jimmy: your team lost, right? >> but i was the ou were the hero, yeah. yeah. >> i learned how to play football, kind of. the i would love to find this footage. i think the whole on the field, i don't know what to do, i don't know what to do! he's like, just go! i don't know which way to run, that's a problem. that's a big issue. if you don't know you're supposed to go. >> jimmy: you know what would be great at the oscars when they show the clip of movie, instead you supply a clip of you playing football from this that a good idea? >> jimmy: it's a real good idea. >> i'm all about self-deprecation but -- i don't know. >> jimmy: you're the hero. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, just something >> i'll think about it. >> jimmy: you're a big favorite. and by the way, deservedly so, you did a great job in the you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're excited? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i would think so. >> yeah. of course. it's super weird and cool.
do you want to stay out forlayer from the team? do you remember what the team was? >> the -- broncos. i love the broncos. >> you're more than welcome. or you can run. >> which way, though? that's the thing, i don't know, i don't remember how i came in here. >> jimmy: we'll discuss it during the commercials. "room" is in theaters right now, brie is on the oscars february 28th, 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific here on abc.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. demarcus ware and neon squeeze are on the way. yesterday during the game, introduced the world to puppymonkeybaby: an endearing creature that has changed the lives of millions, including own guillermo. >> guillermo: hi i'm guillermo. my football party was boring. everyone fell asleep. but then, puppymonkeybaby showedickstart and everybody started dancing like crazy white people. >> i'm guillermo's wife joelle.pymonkeybaby save our party, we also fell in
mucho sexo.'s son, chunky. i'm very happy puppymonkeybaby is my new daddy.. >> i love puppymonkeybaby. >> guillermo: puppymonkeybaby saved our party. >> together: and can save yours too! your wife. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: like puppymonkeybaby mountain dew some things combined: dew, juice, and caffeine. now in tasty new flavors like midnight grape. be right back with demarcus ware! man, i might just chill tonight. puppymonkeybaby...ybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppy.....
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please welcome demarcus ware. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, first of all, congratulations. how are you doing? >> good, good, good. >> jimmy: how much sleep did you be two hours of sleep. >> jimmy: two hours, thanks for coming. >> two hours' sleep, feel great, awesome. >> jimmy: what guess on after you win the super bowl? >> a lot of partying,d guys still have hennessey bottles out right now. >> jimmy: where does the party happen? >> actually, at the hotel. it was like an after after partyi couldn't make that because i'm here right now. >> jimmy: oh, all right, thank you. do you think there are still guys there? >> they're still there right now, probably laying down>> jimmy: did you hold it in one of the guys' rooms or did you have the banquet facility?
>> jimmy: did peyton bringe party? >> maybe he kissed him while he was there. >> jimmy: are you still happy? did you make fun of him for kissing papa john? >> i justat would be a good photoshop going on when i get become to the locker room and put it in everybody's locker. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the parade is tomorrow>> yes. >> jimmy: are you excited about that? the parade? >> i am. it's so many denver fans, they've been wanting it so bad. we didn't do too well two years >> jimmy: this year was up and down. really it's shocking how the season turned out. >> we pulled it out. >> jimmy: you got -- you have legalized recreational >> that's a different story right there. >> jimmy: i hope people remember to show up for the parade. folks? i know we're celebrating sadder than a parade with no people at it.
>> it will be a little slower, a little brie didn't mention she's a big, big fan of yours and the super bowl -- >> love it! couldn't stop talking about it! >> jimmy: every sunday she's right there in front ofknow, i watch movies all the time. and i said, it's just so awesome to see her on "compton." bam! it's good. you know, with "room" and the nomination that you got is awesome. to see that. [ cheers and applause ] believe it. >> jimmy: demarcus looks a little bit like the oscar. >> just like it.d be living on your shelf at home. this has nothing to do with football. you tweeted something that i was very interested in. said something to the effect of you tweeted a picture of shelves obsessed with shelves. >> you move into a new condo, you're like, i'm going to take the cheap route.
you go in there, i'm pay $300 and make them put it together. you don't know it's an a to z deal that you have to put together. >> jimmy: right. >> and i said, to hell with these shelves. that's what i said. to >> jimmy: you're anti-shelves? >>ian anti-shelves. >> jimmy: wow, this is a different thing, i didn't 're pro-shelves just not the ones you have to make yourself. >> jimmy: it's a good thing you get a ring, not a trophy. >> exactly, exactly. >> poorever. congrats on the super bowl, here's your ikea shelves. >> jimmy: that would be a real win for ikea though. >> right, fun? certainly in the super bowl when you sack the quarterback. but sacking a man, that seems tod be -- achievements in athletics, that would be one of the best, isn't it? >> you know, it's for me -- i don't get to score touchdowns. for me, quarterback, taking him down, that's my touchdown.
[ cheers and applause ]ounce on the man and then you have him down on the ground -- >> yes. >> that's super weird. as someone who does not know super bowl that sounds super it is weird. these men are chasing each other all over the place. when you tackle the guy, you're familiar with this, of course. when you tackle him, youound, do you speak to him, say anything? >> you know, actually, when i hit him, it's like oof! it takes the brett breath : the quarterback? >> that's gratifying to me. i know that i got it, yeah. >> it sounds weirder as you go on. >> jimmy: it's sounding weird? >> it's getting worse the more you more interesting to watch than i once thought. >> jimmy: do you ever hear a little yelp? a whimper of any kind? >> you know what -- >> jimmy: if you go, agh!
i'm not going to call out the quarterback's name. he didn't see me, i hit him so ! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the first time i ever heard that. mention that guy? >> no i won't do that, no. >> jimmy: wow, all right. >> you want it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> no, i'm not going to do that. >> jimmy: i'd loveromo? >> no, it wasn't tony romo. no, not -- no, no. >> jimmy: it was not tony romo. >> not tony. >> jimmy: okay, because i've heard him squeak a couple of it wasn't tony this time. >> jimmy: okay, all right. can i go through all the out who it was? >> no.o you got the super bowl -- by the way, announced, did you know that he was going to say that,g at the parade? >> when did you hear this? before -- >> are you sure?
that's what i do for a living, yeah. do you think peyton is going to retire after this? >> you know, i don't know. but i just know that,ing this game put him on top. if he is going to do it, this is a great time to do it. if he wants to play a little bit more, i feel like he still has a little bit jimmy: was it peyton manning who made that noise when you sacked him? >> no. >> jimmy: it was not? >> you're still fishing. but guess what. same type of jersey on, i'll give you that. >> jimmy: oh, whoa! was it jake plummer? >> no, you got to further. royal blue. >> jimmy: oh. >> wait a second -- we're getting closer -- >> jimmy: oh my also? >> he wore 18. >> jimmy: oh my god. i should know this. who is it? >> it's not tony romas? that's a restaurant. you can't tackle a restaurant.
were talking about this whole time.e? >> jimmy: we're going to figure it out. congratulations, it's great to see you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for staying out with us. brie larson and demarcus ware, the super bowl champion. we'll be right back with neon squeeze!kimmel live concert series is presented
>> announcer: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank brie larson, demarcus ware and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first it's mash-up monday and here with the song "tempted" - neon squeeze! i bought a toothbrush some toothpastee pajamas
i said to my reflectionplace passed the church and the steeple hill billboards and the buildings memories of it still keep calling lling and calling but forget it all i know i will tempted by the fruit of anothere truth is discovered what's been going on now that you have gone there's no otherruit of another tempted but the truth is discovered
tempted but the truth is discovered vel some perfume a fortune all for you but it's not my consciencee i asked of my reflection tell me what is there to do to do tempted by the fruit of another tempted but the truth is discovered n now that you have gone there's no other tempted by the fruit of another
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