Skip to main content

tv   Noticiero Uni  Univision  September 19, 2013 11:35pm-12:00am EDT

11:35 pm
11:36 pm
♪ don't you wanna, wanna ♪ don't you ♪ don't you want to see me flaunt what i got? ♪ oh. ♪ don't you ♪ don't you wanna, wanna ♪ don't you ♪ don't you wanna, wanna stress sweat is different than heat and activity sweat -- it smells worse. secret clinical strength gives you four times the protection against stress sweat. live fearlessly with secret clinical strength.
11:37 pm
against stress sweat. [night fever playing] hey, sweetness.
11:38 pm
i'd like to show you a picture my boss took. uh, what do you see when you look at this picture? you and a girl who looks like you. hey! watch the hair. well, don't tell someone they look like someone else when they very clearly don't! will you relax? why is this such a big deal for you? it just is! hasn't anyone ever told you you look like someone, and it offended you? what, you mean, like, every famous fat guy in any movie, ever? that's different. what's with the getup anyway? i'm going out with deacon tonight. what? again? that's the third time this week. look, i'm doing this for my friend. he's suffering. and you have to trim your nose hair because... because i'm guiding him through the singles scene, ok? i don't think he wants a guy who's all, like, "hey, what's up, ladies? this is my friend deacon right here." "deacon, say hello to the girl. nice to meet you. how you guys doing?" [telephone rings] [ring] hello?
11:39 pm
it's deacon. what's up, my brother? i was calling to let you know i can't go out tonight. what? why? i met this girl at church on sunday, and we're just gonna hang out. dude, i'm already dressed. sorry. she's making me dinner. you just met her at church, and now she's already making you dinner? i gotta tell you, man, you got a stalker on your hands, friend. what's your problem, man? my problem is, we had plans this evening, and i think you're being very rude. doug, in a second, you may hear a noise that sounds like someone hanging up. [dial tone] loser. i'm glad deacon canceled. i get my couch-doug back. yeah, he's back. i'm sorry i snapped at you before about the picture. it was just... it's annoying. do you know that they actually put it in the office newsletter? do you know what the caption was? "mary-kate and ashley." mm-hmm. mm-hmm.
11:40 pm
i'm just saying, i mean, whatever, but people have actually stopped me on the street and told me i look like j-lo, you know? and one has actually met her. and this girl, trust me, looks nothing like j-lo. so by simple multiplication, there is no way that i look like this girl. [disco music plays] and it's not like i need people coming up to me every 2 seconds and telling me i'm beautiful or anything. but i definitely don't need people telling me i look like people that i don't look like. you know what i'm saying, hon? oh, yeah. what? you kidding me? and let's say everybody was right at the office and i look exactly like this girl. do you know what? it really doesn't matter to me, because i'm beautiful in here. hi, dex. hey, how's it going?
11:41 pm
morning, angie. hey, whatcha got there? you got some mail? hi, lila! hey. how ya doing? hey, new look. lila and... slutty lila. doug! i'm home! ow.
11:42 pm
doug? hello? [answering machine beeps] doug: hey, baby. i'm heading out to the club after work tonight. gotta go do the cupid thang again. don't wait up. love you. [machine beeps] hey, carrie, it's lila. listen, i was thinking, tomorrow, let's try to convince tom in accounting that i'm you! bye! hey, look, this singles world, it's a bumpy ride. but the important thing is, you're out here trying, buddy... and i'm here for you. why did you wake me up for this? you love the club scene. i do not! all right? i'm awkward and sweaty, and many women think i'm in junior high. do not do that to yourself. you, my friend, you're awesome. now i have to meet some people at the bar. you wouldn't like them. they're really not your type.
11:43 pm
but you... you're awesome. freaks. you've never seen the terminator? i don't believe you. deacon? oh, hey, girl! hey, what's going on? i thought you were going out with doug tonight. no. actually, i met someone. i'm hanging out with wendy tonight. wendy, carrie. carrie, wendy. hi. hi. so you're not suffering at the moment? suffering? no. i'm a little disappointed 'cause they don't have along came a spider, but otherwise-- right. right. what's wrong? nothing. i'm just pretty sure i need to go kick cupid's ass. excuse me. [loud music playing] [crowd cheering]
11:44 pm
that guy's awesome. he's gonna break the record. hi. hey, what's going on? oh, not much. i just ran into deacon... on a date. i'm here for spence! oh, will you stop it! no, it's true. he's single, too. he needs me. that's what i do. i help the single. were is he? spence? oh, come on. he's outside waiting for a cab. he said you kept ditching him. he's drunk out of his mind. oh, come on! this isn't about your friends, admit it. this is about you getting your jollies in at nightclubs. all right, fine. i admit it. but you sent me here to get my jollies. no, i sent you here to help deacon get his jollies. well, it's dark. jollies get very mixed up in this place. and what's the big deal anyway? so i'm feeling good about myself. oh, so what? i'll tell you so what, ok?
11:45 pm
you--you--you feeling good about yourself and me feeling lousy, that's not gonna fly, buddy, so here's how it's gonna go down, ok? you're gonna hang up your old chain, you're gonna let your nose hair grow, and we're gonna go back to sitting on the couch and feeling just ok. because that's what marriage is. all right, fine. i'm coming back to the couch. just gimme a second. i gotta find my keys. i think they shot out of my pants when i got rocketed off the bull. ok, i definitely know you from somewhere. uh... actually, i just saw you walk in here, but i thought you were really, really hot. you do? yeah. so you wanna go out to my van? oh, my god. that is so sweet. but, no, i'm married. but thank you. ok. catch you later. ok. aw. all right. let's get outta here.
11:46 pm
let's hit the couch. um, you know what, honey? since we're here, why don't we stay for a song? are you serious? sure. why not? all right. i'm warning ya. i picked up a few new moves, so don't be scared. all right. come on. show me what you're working with. come on! come on. oh, boy! oh, yeah! shake it! oh, yeah! watch it! watch the back! watch the back! oh, yeah, i'm watching. i'm watching! there you go! come on! oh, yeah! work it! there it is! there it is! wow! eat right, not less. [ woman ] hi! this looks interesting! what's going on here? would you like to try some hot cereal? [ women ] sure! [ female announcer ] introducing special k nourish hot cereal. special k? wow! wow! [ female announcer ] made with superfoods... [ woman ] there's, uh, quinoa, barley. i can definitely taste the quinoa. good! i can't believe that's less than 200 calories. [ female announcer ] ...to help you truly shine. this is a way to be good to me. [ female announcer ] nurturing yourself. what will you gain when you lose?
11:47 pm
not anymore. what? my silverware isn't good enough for you? have -- have you seen it? yes, i have seen it, and it looks -- you gotta look better. ladies, breathe. cascade kitchen counselor here. it's not your silverware. it's likely your detergent. see, over time, cascade platinum's triple cleaning formula delivers brilliant shine finish gel can't beat. it even helps keep your dishwasher sparkling. find something, mother? no. [ counselor ] cascade platinum is cascade's best.
11:48 pm
and? and then go to college and study science. way to stay focused! and then i'll become a scientist and change the world! the world? now you're talking! [ female announcer ] packed with whole grain fiber and a taste kids love, frosted mini-wheats helps keep them full and focused. and when they're full and focused every day, who knows what they may become some day. that's what i call chemistry! [ female announcer ] kellogg's frosted mini-wheats cereal. help feed their full potential. now with kellogg's family rewards, you can get even more from the products you love. join today at kfr.com.
11:49 pm
11:50 pm
[ male announcer ] when your favorite food starts a fight, fight back fast with tums. relief that neutralizes acid on contact and goes to work in seconds. ♪ tum, tum tum tum tums! relief that neutralizes acid on contact aah! hey! yee hee! aaaaah! my god! that little boy's gonna break the junior record. aaaaah! aah! aaaaah! ah ha ha! captioning made possible by sony pictures television captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--
11:51 pm
11:52 pm
11:53 pm
where teams compete to make the right decisions about safe food preparations.
11:54 pm
our challenge in this round -- read and follow package cooking instructions, and use a food thermometer. let's see how our teams are doing so far -- team 1? we just got 100 points. we separated our raw food from our cooked food. team 2? we got a 100-point green card for proper hand washing before our meal prep. referee: we've reached a critical safety point in the challenge. okay, team 1, let's check this out. uh-oh, not a safe internal temperature for those hamburgers. that puts everyone at high risk for food-borne illness. you get a red card -- undercooked. always read and follow the package cooking instructions and use a food thermometer. let's see how our winning team cooked it safe and avoided problems. well, i just kept focus on the four food safety steps -- clean, separate, cook, and chill. and we followed the package cooking instructions and took the temperature. can you cook it safe?
11:55 pm
♪ psst. in here! i'm safe. not quite. the amulet, please, mr. stinson. why? kid: help! help! the kid. help! hang on, kid.
11:56 pm
grab my tie. but you're not supposed to take the tie off. you lost a bet with your friends lily and marshall which requires you to wear the tie for a full year. if it means saving your life, i think they'll understand! they sound like nice people! yeah, they are. grab that... come on. that's it. (panting) thanks, mister. how can i repay you? you can stay in school, that's how. (bird squawks) (gasps) no! true story. but golly, i'm just gonna miss the heck out of that ducky tie. i really am. look what i just found in the trash.
11:57 pm
no! there are cameras,, police, guards...ds us. but who looks after us online, where we spend more than 200 billion dollars a year. american express can help protect you. with intelligent security that learns your spending patterns, and can alert you instantly to an unusual charge. so you can be a member of a more secure world. this is what membership is. this is what membership does. even when you don't now yhave time for a break break with new kit kat minis.
11:58 pm
poppable, bite-sized minis that let you make break time anytime. imagine a new level of refined, perfected. at pixel level. new l'oreal texture perfector. refine texture reduce pores diminish lines even close up, skin looks remarkable. new youth code texture perfector. only from l'oreal paris. somebody puts a sign up because of something you did. for instance... have you guys seen that sign out front that says "absolutely no boogie-boarding"? what's that all about? well, it happened a few months ago. the night of the hurricane... narrator: it was august 26, 2011, and hurricane irene was barreling towards new york. guys, guys, guys. this storm is serious. luckily, you are friends with a former boy scout. and a boy scout is always what? unpopular? beaten up? going to the movies with his mom? a boy scout is always prepared. prepared to spend lunch in his locker? prepared to die a virgin? prepared to paint his sister's nails? prepared for emergencies!
11:59 pm
that's why a week ago, when irene was just a tropical depression-- you're a tropical depression. (laughing) this guy got us... a disaster backpack, and a rental car that seats five, parked right outside. we're gonna drive up to my place in westchester where we'll all be safe. boy scouted! you're welcome. ted's right, we should go. hey, on the way out of the city, do you mind if we stop at my place so i can get something? okay, what did you have to get? my drink on. we're not going anywhere. what? no! we don't have time for this! we gotta get going! ted, i'm older than you. yeah. and taller. just older. and when you reach my age, and height, you'll see that things like this hurricane are no big deal. they're going to close the bridges. you guys, we got to get out of here. i'm afraid i'm with blondie on this one. this storm is nothing. i'm from vancouver. you know what we call this in the couv? barbecue weather. (phone ringing) oh, it's my mom, checking to see if i'm okay. hey, mom. ooh, mommy! it's dwizzling out!

319 Views

1 Favorite

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on