tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 25, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EDT
you had the perfect wife. why did you throw it away? >> i don't know. you know, during midst of all of it, when i was doing it, one, i knew it was horrible. it made me feel horrible. and two, i knew i would get caught eventually. i think i wanted to get caught. i think it's -- i don't think, i know for a fact now what it was. i mean it was me trying to self-sabotage my life. >> much more of vicki's interview tomorrow night. that's our report for tonight. good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel -- driving to work with guillermo and his dogs pepe and paco. you missed a space, pepe! >> that's okay, pepe -- the important thing is, we're together. life is better when we're all together, don't you think? >> jimmy: why yes, guillermo -- we do.
and so does beneful brand dog food. now through june 18th, submit your idea for the ultimate dog park -- something you and your dogs could enjoy with your whole community. you missed another space! what's the problem pepe? why is this taking so long? >> you're the one who said you wanted to have a dog park. >> jimmy: no, guillermo! i said beneful is sponsoring the wagworld dream dog park contest, which will award a $500,000 makeover to one local dog park. not for a dog to park. >> oh -- so you don't want pepe to park? >> jimmy: well, yeah, i do want him to park, i just -- >> jimmy, make up your mind. >> dicky: beneful is conducting the wagworld dream dog park contest, and will award a $500,000 makeover to one local dog park. go to benefuldreamdogpark.com to enter and for official rules. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with the new bachelorette, ali fedotowsky, music from nas, how is he doing that? that's incredible.
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♪ >> jimmy: thanks for watching. welcome to the show. by the way, i want to ask one thing. don't anyone tell me what happened on "lost." i have it on tivo. did you watch the show last night? were you satisfied with the ending? not as many. some people liked it. some people didn't like it. some people were in the middle. i watched it twice. i spent a couple of hours watching telemundo. i was just as confused. it was great. i felt very sad. i know it's dumb because it is a tv show. while your friends from "lost"
may have gone to heaven, i won't. i'm staying right here. we had a post "lost" finale show. members of the orchestra that does the sound track to "lost" were here. there was a lady over my shoulder playing the harp. see her? she's throughout the entire show, she was there, kind of like a guardian angel looking over me. guardian angels play harps, right? she's smiling. does this mean i'm dead? oh, hello, there she is. i mean, really, throughout the entire show, they tried to make it dark but she's looking right through the strings and smiling. hello. i opened my refrigerator this
morning, she was sitting there behind a gallon of milk. people keep asking me what i think happened. i don't know. but that doesn't keep me from telling people their theories are wrong. everything everyone else sthings off. one thing i was thinking about, jack is dying on the beach, vincent the dog comes up and lays next to him. about an hour or two after jack dice, vincent is going to eat his body. it's what dogs do. there's a fine line between owner and lunch. and dogs will cross it. in their ice, we're nothing more than giant people mcnuggets. it's possible that the show took place inside his doggie brain.
look at this. ♪ a dog with a concussion. so, um, that's it i guess. "lost" is over and done. a lonely nation turns its eyes to a new season of "the bachelorette." the mysteries of the human heart. our new bachelorette, ali fedotowsky is here. she's looking for a soul mate. but mostly, she's looking to get married because she wants to change her last name.
she's weeded out eight suitors tonight. it wasn't easy. >> starts tonight, it's ali's turn. who will she pick? the lawyer, the weather man, the bee keeper, the half man, half goat. grape ape, ice road trickers. frankenberry or jesse james. >> jimmy: i should mention that jesse james is on "nightline" tomorrow night. they're interviewing him. which means that sandra bullock's new baby gets to see mommy break her new television set. tonight was the first of a two-party finale on "dancing with the stars." the finalists are nicoole
scherzinger. erin andrews. and evan lysacek. some of the stars go on the show and let the professionals dance around them. kate gosselin comes to mind. she stood there like a stripper pole. who did that on the show, the guy? >> i don't know. >> to show you what the judges are looking for, here are tonight's dance styles and a story that depicts a relationship that ends in true love. ♪
♪ [ applause ] >> i'm exhausted. >> jimmy: you're so lucky you have been to the moon. you really are. in other important reality show news, paula abdul has a new job. that has to be depressing if you're among the unemployed. the mentor, creative partner, coach, lover, on got to dance, a show on cbs. finally a dance competition show on television. this one has hit written all over it. >> if you like "so you think you
can dance" "dancing with the stars," "dancing in the usa" and "american idol" you'll love it. >> i want to squish you, squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rearview mirror. >> or what she meant when she said it. followed by stand up and sing and we'll tell you you suck. only on cbs. >> jimmy: that looks good. is shamelessness in this land. the morning, the early show had a concert with the back street boys. they were like a team of matching justin beeshs. it makes me happy to see they still bring so much excitement to their fans. >> that's our crowd the morning, lining up early to see the
backstreet boys. >> jimmy: well, hello, there. the guys at the fire house are going to be so jealous he got -- he made the right move by running. he was able to score a prime spot right in front. ♪ you are my fire the one desire ♪ >> jimmy: that's unacceptable. i don't know where the mustache. the origin shirt. but it's unacceptable. fortunately, he did not throw his underpants on sage. bp has not managed to stop the oil leaking into the gulf. the next attempt is scheduled to be rescheduled on wednesday. the plan is to do something called a topkill, which i'm pretty sure is a bruce willis movie.
yesterday, sarah palin said president obama is "too close for the oil companies." she would know. he husband worked for bp for 18 years. rarely do you see a literal and metaphorical example of a pot calling a kettle back. this is important. lindsay lohan was this court today. that means two more weeks of spring. she missed a court-ordered alcohol treatment class. she missed a hearing. he was at the cannes film festival in france. she claims she couldn't get back in time because her passport was stolen. >> i want to indicate, your honor, that miss lohan's uncle,
her mother's brother died last week. >> did she go in the funeral? i'm sorry. did she go in the funeral? >> she did not. >> jimmy: my client barely new that uncle. why would she go in the funeral? the judge ordered her to wear a brace let on her ankle. it's called a s.c.r.a.m. device. if you find yourself forced to wear one. customize it. zp tired of wearing that court-ordered s.c.r.a.m. brace let? embrased by the appearance? then bescramble it. place the gemstone into the bescrambler. press down and voila. you have a dazzling design.
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>> jimmy: we're back. joining us tonight, our newest bachelorette. tonight, she began mowing through an assortment of suitors, ali fedotowsky is here. they picked some real winners for her. they gave her a wrestler, a guy who just kills things. i have a feeling she might wind up suing abc. then later, with music from
their new album, "distant relatives," nas and damian marley on the bud light outdoor stage. and you can catch them live at the jazz reggae festival at ucla next mond, may 3 the1st. tomorrow night, we will crown a new "dancing with the stars champion." jake gyllenhaal will be here. and we'll have music from peter frampton. he's coming back alive. that's right. then later this week, jonah hill, chris harrison, cat deeley and two nights with stone temple pilots. the first guess is the youngest person ever to win the oscar for best actor. he was only 18 months old. you know him from "king kong" and "the pianist," among many other films. his late and strangest new movie is called "splice." >> close your ice. >> what? >> close your eyes.
hold still. don't move. >> jimmy: "splice" opens june 4th. please say hello to adrien brody. [ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> that was a scary intro. how are you? >> jimmy: is that the weirdest movie you've been in so far? >> yes. it's so disturbing and probably the most -- the strangest movie that i have seen. i mean, it's really -- it pushes the boundaries of what is acceptable in film, i think.
>> jimmy: i think you're probably right. you play a scientist in the movie? >> a very hip, young geneticist at the top of his game, who, with his girlfriend decide to integrate human dna with animal dna. it's family movie. two unprepared parents who end up with a monster of a child. >> jimmy: like "jumanji" in way. and then, but something very, very weird happens. weirder even than the concept itself. >> yes. shall i ruin the movie for everybody? i've been on the fence about it. there is -- there comes a point where this little -- our little creation matures and is very feminine and partly an animal. but my character overlooks that
aspect and it's the perfect reason why you should not take work home with you. because you might sleep with it. >> jimmy: you have sex with the creature. i didn't say it. i didn't say it, but -- >> jimmy: was this in the script or improvised? >> it was a little improv that day. [ applause ] >> jimmy: one of the pucers of the film is guillermo del toro. rarely does he have anyone have sex with them. >> he wasn't there that day. i had to see this movie with my mom the first time i saw it. my tarnts, we sat in my living room. i wanted to see the film. they gave me a screener. i forgot what was coming. i didn't mean that either. it was really weird.
>> jimmy: who was more uncomfortable, you or your mom? >> hard to say. i mean, really. i mean, one of those things. i can say personally, i was pretty uncomfortable. my mom's seen a lot. >> jimmy: no one's ever seen that. no matter what you have ian in your life, it's always difficult to see your son have sex with a creature he invented in a laboratory. i know skrou been traveling. doing all sorts of things. most people take something home from the set of a film they're on. you took home a whole barn. how do you get -- how do you get the barn? >> yes. i'm very extreme. >> jimmy: who thinks to take barn with them? they're not mobile. >> i did. they're not mobile. in this movie, the -- you know, basically i had such an intimate
scene. that's where the scene takes place. >> jimmy: you wanted to keep it. >> i wanted to keep a memory. sometimes you keep a tie or an article of clothing. i kept the -- >> jimmy: you kept the love barn. >> they were going the dismantle it. they found a beautiful 19th isn'try barn. they dismantled it, reassembled it in a sound stage. then didn't know what they were going to do wit. they were taking it apart, i said, i'll take it. >> jimmy: i would love to go back in time to the famers in the 180 0s. who were working in that barn. >> what did they do to the barn? >> jimmy: and then show them the movie of what happened in it. they would have burned the world down. you have a real farm with animals on it. >> i have a gentleman's farm. >> jimmy: what animals do you have on the farm?
>> the remaining animals are a few wily roosters and some chickens. >> jimmy: that's it. >> i had some problems. i -- you know, i had other animals. >> jimmy: was there a pestilence? >> no, not a plague or anything. >> jimmy: you got hungry? >> no. >> jimmy: you didn't have sex with them, did you? >> they might have been game. no, no, no -- but -- but, the dilemma was, i'm from queens. an inner city. my exgirlfriend wanted goats. i said, okay, we'll get some small goats. i asked the gentleman for female goats. i don't know why i thought, maybe fwoet's milk or something. when i arrived he said, we didn't get two females wefor yo.
we have one male and one female. i said okay. that will be fine. when i looked at the goats, i felt that they both possessed, even though i'm from the city, i still knew what the -- male goat genitalia looked like. i assumed. i asked him. i questioned him. i said those look like -- goat balls. ky say balls on tv? >> jimmy: i think so. >> i said those look like goat balls to me. albeit smaller than the other goat's balls. and he said, no, no, trust me, this is a female. and he lied. >> jimmy: he lied. >> not only did he lie. but the one with the -- the more well endowed goat took a liking to the other one. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> it was traumatic. there was a lot of crying and goat noises.
and i felt incredibly guilty. and i didn't know what to do. >> jimmy: you had gay goats. >> i had homosexual goats. yes. >> jimmy: where did they go? >> it's best when you have goats that are that gay to just let them be gay and be free because it felt they were in captivity and the one was -- receiving a lot of -- aggression on the other one's part. >> jimmy: they moved up to wine country or something? >> i moved them up -- i sent them off to sonoma. >> jimmy: i hate to be self-serving, you have another movie coming out late nor the year. you optioned the rights to this film. >> it was special to my heart. >> jimmy: you asked me to be in the movie with you. >> i had to give you the executive producer credit you asked for. he acted in it.
i think this is your first feature. >> jimmy: the first thing where i have not, i've been in a couple of things where i have played animals. >> it's kind of a horror. >> jimmy: don't get any ideas. it's a or. >> reporter:horror thriller kind of thing. >> it's the story of youth gone awry. >> what started as a charmless childhood game. >> charlie. charlie bit me. >> turned into a nightmare. once he got a taste. he could never get enough.
>> charlie. ouch. >> jimmy kimmel. ouch, charlie. ouch? >> >> and adrien brody as charlie. >> give me your finger. >> charlie bit my finger. the movie. >> jimmy: good stuff. going to be a big hit. i want to wish your mom's birthday, right? after all the horrible things you have shown her. >> it's my mom's birthday today. >> jimmy: happy birthday. >> i haven't got an chance to speak to her. i left her a couple of messages. i sang her -- is this it? i got her a little present. jimmy was helpful in picking
this out. it was very kind. but i didn't get a chance to send this to you mom, but, this comes from very dear place and it's a gift also from jimmy. >> jimmy: it's from me, too. >> so i would like to present it to you. >> jimmy: i hope you're happy, mom. "splice" opens june 4th. adrien brody. we'll be right back with "the bachelorette." no, an astronaut. no, no...remember that picture of you and mom and you're wearing the little chaps... ...and you had right. the matching hat. are you done? and you had that horse. no, you're not done. what was his name again? taffy. wow. one philly burger, and...one cowboy burger. livin' the dream. [ male announcer ] applebee's new realburgers from across america. the classic philly with all the fixins.
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good to see you. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: you finished taping the show. ? yes, i'm done. >> jimmy: so you're holding a secret right now. your sworn to protect it. you have probably signed documents that say, your children will not go to college 23 you don't keep it. >> basically. >> jimmy: you can't tell anybody. are you allowed to tell your family? >> maybe i could, by i'm not. >> jimmy: they have big mouths. >> they're so proud. he didn't mean it. >> jimmy: really, did. >> my mom, they're just proud of me. >> jimmy: you can't trust parents with stuff like that. they can't have a surprise party
without ruining it. you can't tell them something like this. there is something going on with you relationship-wise. i think they picked a very bad group of guys for you. >> why? >> jimmy: a couple of guys seem good. i guess all you need is one, so that's okay. seriously. the hunter guy with the animals and the -- um -- the wrestler, who you saved? you saved a wrestler? >> he's sweet. >> jimmy: he's a wrestler. his name is rated r in the ring. is he on for the pure way of finding television love or are they just here -- here to promote their own wrestling career. >> that's true. i don't know. i wanted to give him a chance. >> jimmy: you didn't pick the wrestler, did you?
>> maybe. you could be talking to me about my fiance. >> jimmy: one of the guys that you rejected tonight, let's take a look. his name is shooter. >> kind of embarrassing story. >> go for it. >> i might have, like, prematurely, in college, freshman year, accidentally. >> accidentally what? >> and so that's maybe how -- i can't believe i told her. i hope she thinks it's funny and not weird. >> oh, oh. >> ooh. >> jimmy: we may have added a sound effect there. what would possess -- why would he tell you -- why do you think he would tell you that right off the bat? >> i don't know. i think, us girls want superheroes, not boyfriends that
[ bleep ] quickly. maybe i found my superhero. we'll see. >> jimmy: you probably know. i mean, let's be honest. this is "the bachelor" they force you into a hot tub. ? you're forced in the water. >> jimmy: then another guy who you did keep in, and i don't know how far he went, of course, but let's take a look at this guy. >> whoo! i love you, ali. it's all for you, baby. i'm going to win her heart. i am. high niece. she's going to fall in love with me, i'm going fall in love with her. we're getting married. that's what's going happen. >> jimmy: this is a lunatic right there. he's not even met you. >> well, you know there you have it. there's the end of the story. we're getting married. >> jimmy: you're not getting married to him are you? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you know.
yousk know! i feel really terrible for the guys that didn't get -- that got rejected and then nutso, who is marrying you and doing pushups while he's talking about it is still in the deal. >> well, you know, he's funny. >> jimmy: would you ever date a guy with a pony tail? >> sure. >> jimmy: you would? i don't think you're capable. >> if it is longer than mine, no. >> jimmy: i feel like i could have helped you along the way. >> i asked for you. >> jimmy: what about a fanny pack? >> i find that very attractive. >> jimmy: you do? >> think one of the guys might have told me about his fanny pack along the way. i thought it was hot, whatever. it's practical, i can appreciate that. >> jimmy: you know what we have
done. think is th is beater way of deciding. this afternoon, we put all the candidate's face on the wall and well, guillermo takes it from there. look at this. ♪ >>hole holy [ bleep ] that hurts. that stings. you son of a -- >> jimmy: that's the new one. right there. one of our interns. his name is sam. you can have him. >> if only i had your help before. that would have been very helpful. >> jimmy: we're going talk each week, if you'll do it, after the
show. and then i will analyze. i'll try to keep you on the right track, even though everything is pretaped. i'll pretend to be advising you and inevitably will insult your future guy. i'll be judging on the producer. every time there's maniac, oh, no, they edited me like that. normal people don't look krecra like these people do. >> sounds good. >> jimmy: we'll discuss. if at the end of the whole show, if you don't like two you picked, we'll just start all over again. zwh you'll find me someone if i don't pick someone? you did want 50 at the beginning. boy, these budget cuts are killing us. ali fedotowsky, everyone.
right back with nas and damian marley. ♪ we'll begin with a spin ♪ traveling in the world of my creation ♪ ♪ what we'll see will defy ♪ explanation [ male announcer ] remember when you were five and anything was possible. ♪ happy 5th birthday again. ♪ come with me and you'll be ♪ in a world of pure imagination ♪ [ male announcer ] with greasy fast food, what are you really getting? try the new orchard chicken salad sub or the sweet onion chicken teriyaki. both part of a subway fresh fit meal. subway. eat fresh.
both part of a subway fresh fit meal. from more hotels for my withperfect girls' weekend. plus i can compare dates to find out when i can save the most cash. done and done. we should do this more often. where you book matters. expedia. stop it. hello? you spotted a million dollar accounting error that no one else noticed. that was pretty sweet. ha ha. but you did have eight layers of sweet crunchy back up. what can i say? you're the man. or -- you know, the little dude. ha. that's me. [ female announcer ] stay on your game by stopping mid-morning hunger with kellogg's® frosted mini-wheats® cereal. an excellent source of fiber from 100% whole grain that helps you stay full, so you can stay focused. uh, he's a little focused right now. can i take a message? so you can stay focused.
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>> dicky: this week on "jimmy kimmel live," jake gyllenhaal, jonah hill, the winner of "dancing with the stars," with music from peter frampton and stone temple pilots. some bud light. here we go... ♪ baaaby what are you doing? ♪ i'm gonna work this partyyyyy... ♪ what party? ♪ hey, brad... hey, mike... hey, dwight ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, oh, yeah ♪ ♪ i got the bud light ♪ buuud liiight
♪ we're gonna make the party right ♪ ♪ make the party right it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. t-pain? ♪ pass that guacamole ♪ wa♪ch this. t-pain? it's a pretty big deal. mom: we have a pretty big family. all boys. yeah. i call them our starting five. yeah. boom! so when we go out, like the other night, we have to make sure they get enough to eat. pass these down to your brothers and make sure they get some, okay? announcer: olive garden introduces our new crespelles. handcrafted italian crepes oven-baked and stuffed with five cheeses then topped with herb marinated chicken in a garlic cream sauce.
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>> jimmy: this is their new cd, it's called "distant relatives." here with the song "as we enter," nas and damien marley. >> hey, what's going on? welcome. >> my man, damian marley. check it out. this is how we do. let's go. ♪ as we enter come now we take you on the biggest adventure ♪ ♪ must be dementia that you ever thought you could touch our credentials what's the initials? ♪ ♪ you be jamrock the lyrical official send out the order laws and the rituals ♪ ♪ burn candles, say prayers paint murals it is truth we can't do the hood heroes ♪ ♪ break past the anchor, we ♪ come to conquer man a badman, we no play willy wonka ♪ ♪ and i got the guns ♪ and we could blaze it up on your block if you want to or haze it up stash box ♪ ♪ in a hummer or you could run up and get done up ♪
♪ or get something that you want none of unlimited amount you collect from us direct from us street intellectuals ♪ ♪ and i'm shrewd about decimals and my man'll speak patois and i can speak rap star ♪ ♪ y'all feel me even if it's in swahili or body ghani ♪ ♪ masuri sana switch up the language and move to ghana ♪ ♪ salute and honor real revolution rhymers ♪ ♪ rhythm piranhas like true obamas, unfold the drama ♪ ♪ word is out you heard about turn it out ♪ ♪ body the verse until they scream murder out the kings is back time to return the crown ♪ ♪ who want it tuck your chain, we're due coming renegades that'll peel you back like new hundreds ♪ ♪ bet your jewels on it you don't want to lose on it either move on or move on it ♪ ♪ queens to kingston music we use and govern the kingdom ♪ ♪ rise of the winston i can see the fear up in your eyes realize you can die any instant ♪ ♪ and i can hear the sound of a voice when you must lose your life like mice in the kitchen ♪ ♪ snitching, i can see him scared and he's trying to resist it ♪ ♪ switching i can smell him digging up -- like a fly ♪ that's how you end
up in a hitlist ♪ ♪ ain't no bad man business ♪ ♪ no evidence ♪ crime scene fingerprint-less ♪ ♪ flow effortless casual like the weekends ♪ ♪ no pressure when we're comfy and decent ♪ ♪ we set this off beasting hunting season ♪ ♪ and, frankly speaking ♪ word is out you heard about nas gonna turn it out ♪ ♪ body the verse until they scream murder out the kings is back, time to return the crown ♪ ♪ who want it tuck your chain, we're due coming renegades that'll peel you back like new hundreds ♪ ♪ word is out, hysteria you heard about gonna turn it out ♪ either move on or move on it ♪ so, verizon fios includes cool widgets
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