tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 22, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EDT
time for tonight's closing arguments. sarah palin today released another online video laden with national similar bombs and red meat rhetoric, but obviously lacking one important word -- republican. the video titled tea party sent the pundits ablogging with speculation this is one more bread crumb leading to her 2012 presidential race. >> who can argue a movement that is about the people government is supposed to be working for the people, that is what this movement is about. this party that we call the tea party is the future of politics
and i am proud to get to be here today. >> so, what do you think? is sarah palin exploiting a rift in the republican party to earn the nomination or is she simply rallying the gop's most ardent members? tell us what you think on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that is our report for tonight. for all of us here at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. what a show we have for you tonight. tonight on the program, the first contestant eliminated from "dancing with the stars," david hasselhoff hasselhoff. from ty burrell, julie bowen, jesse tyler ferguson, eric stonestreet, music from band of horses and -- me, jim! "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes. folks, welcome to the neighborhood
where applebee's 2 for 20 is better than ever this season. more from the sidelines. [ whistle blows, crowd cheers ] that's right, boomer. applebee's 2 for 20 is stuffed with more flavor like rich and tender florentine ravioli with chicken and provolone-stuffed meatballs plus classics like the fire-grilled 7 oz. sirloin. one appetizer, two entrees -- twenty bucks. [ whistle blows ] back to you, boomer. the best deal in the neighborhood just got better. and the swami predicts total domination! and there you have it. [ berman ] there's no place like the neighborhood. open until midnight or later.
tonight -- the cast of "modern family." from "dancing with the stars," david hasselhoff. and music from band of horses. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, if no one objects, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi there, welcome, i'm jimmy. thanks for watching.
thanks for coming out. you all look very cute sitting in my chairs. i will say, it's a sad night here tonight. and it's going to be sad every tuesday night for awhile because another celebrity has been killed off of "dancing with the stars." or should i say, killed hoff. >> david and kym. >> jimmy: yeah, this is -- this is terrible. how do you eliminate david hasselhoff in the first week? you have people have no sense of comedy? i have a show to do here. i was counting on him for six weeks. this is hoffle, just hoffle. his dancing wasn't good, though, it's -- he was here on the show last week, told me he was going to win it, and then -- he did. this happened.
>> dancing the cha-cha-cha, david hasselhoff and his partner, kym johnson. >> this is a mess. >> jimmy: and they say -- when they say get out on the floor, they don't -- my pick to win it all, jennifer gray, got the highest score last night, 24. hasselhoff, margaret cho and the situation from "jersey shore" tied for the lowest. when the judges gave hasselhoff his score, watch brooke burke here, her lak of reaction shows it off. >> five. >> len goodman. >> five. >> bruno tonioli. >> five. >> that's a 15 out of 30. how does that feel guys? >> 15 less than we hoped. >> all right. >> jimmy: brooke seems excited for the new season. the good news, if there is any
good news is that david hasselhoff is going to be here tonight to discuss his loss. [ cheers and applause ] he is -- he's running over here in slow motion as i speak, so -- bristol palin is one of the dancers on the show. she got an 18. the judges were pretty nice to her. her mother, sarah palin, said she was going to be in the audience for the first show, but she wasn't. it's not like her to commit to something and then back out, it's -- but it's otter hunting season, i guess, and -- actually this is the reason sarah palin couldn't make it. this is home video here. you see, well, they're standing by the van, and -- she was abducted by a caribou, which -- i guess that's common in alaska. [ cheers and applause ] last night -- via twitter last night, mom palin sent this message. over the moon excite and happy
for bristol, cheering her on at dwts party at the palin living room, and she posted a picture of the party going on. looks like they're having fun. every one of those heads called in to vote. in other port reality show news, according to several sources, tomorrow, jennifer lopez, also known at j.lo, will be named the judge for a new season of "american idol." supposedly they're paying her $12 million a year. can you imagine paying j.lo -- this is a woman who read the script from "maid in manhattan" and said, yes, i want to do this. how good a judge of anything could she be? [ applause ] but she's the new -- meanwhile, poor randy jackson, still holding out for a new sweater vest. not all reality shows have the high standards of an "american idol" or "dancing with the stars." for instance, in november, the e
channel is premiering a show called "bridal-plasty." hopeful brides to be compete to win free cosmetic surgery before their wedding. all of a sudden, the kardashians look like the waltons on this e channel. the brides will compete in events, honeymoon planning is an event, vow wrying is an event. and if you win that week, you get one surgical procedure done from your wish list and the big winner overall at the end of the season gets her dream body. and a complete sex change, just to freak out the groom. it's a horrible idea for a show, but that's how it goes now days. and if this is as big a hit as e is hoping it will be, they have another show lined up that might even top that one. >> every mother wants a perfect baby. >> now, if we do a little tuck here and a little tuck there, she's going to look two months younger. >> do it. >> a perfect baby. >> the nose is too big.
i'd like more cheekbone and we definitely need to lipo her butt. >> that's the placenta. >> get rid of it. >> all right. >> but how far will they go to make sure their baby is the most perfect baby of all? 25 pregnant women, one plastic surgeon. >> the implants look fabulous. >> going to have so such self-esteem. >> you're welcome. >> "womb for improvement." wednesdays at 9:00, only on e. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so -- funny now, but -- give it a few years. more strange video tape of christine o'donnell, who is the republican dom knee for joe biden's old
seat in the delaware senate surfaced today. since she won the primary last
week we've been finding out all kinds of fun things about her. first, there was a tape of her speaking out against masturbation. then, a tape of her admitting she had a date on a satanic alter. oops. and now, today, this clip from "the o'reilly factor" in 2007. >> american scientific companies are cross breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice, with fully functioning human brains. >> jimmy: they are? that's amazing! how do they even fit! they're putting human brains in mice and mouse brains in the republican nominee for delaware senate. it's incredible. [ cheers and applause ] i bet she got stoned at
watched "rat tatu wee" and that's what happened. some shocking photos of justin
bieber on tmz today. that is justin. you can't really see. in the back of a honda making out with a young lady named jasmineville lay ga. they is the one who was trampled to death by 6 million 12-year-old girls today. she was in his music video, i guess. he was like baby, baby, baby oh. and she was like baby, bababy, y baby no. and then he put his tongue in her mouth. the best part of the picture is the body guard sitting in the front seat. need more chap stick back there, boss? see, jonas brothers, that's how you do it right there, bieber style. that's right. [ applause ] meanwhile, also from bieberville, this is funny this video was posted over the weekend. it's a father dancing backup while his daughters sing along
to justin bieber. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i have to assume they didn't know he was behind, right? i also have to assume the girls are adopted. did you ever dance like that with them, uncle frank? >> no, never. >> jimmy: nothing like that. >> not like that. >> jimmy: you wouldn't be caught dead dancing like that, would you? >> i was more normal. >> jimmy: there's a new list of words added to the oxford american english dictionary today. they do this every year.
some of the new additions, bromance, gal pal, tweet, lmae and bff, which, i don't go -- bff is not a word. and neither is lmao. they have to sell dictionaries and if you leave the words the same every year, there's no reason to buy a new one. here tonight to illuminate us with one of the new words found in the new dictionary, we turn to our staff vocabulary expert, my uncle frank. >> tramp stamp. oh, you know that, right, streetwalkers have to get letters, too, in the mail. sometimes you get checks in the mail. that's called a tramp stamp. that's a stamp letter to a tramp. all tramps aren't tramps. they have to make a living like the rest of us. tramp stamp. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's in there. look it up. thank you, uncle frank. i tell you what, i'm excited to welcome our guests tonight.
i love the show "modern family." [ applause ] season premiere is tomorrow night. very talented cast. but they're lucky, too, because even with great actors, a show like that only comes around once every ten years or so, and before that, you do what you can to make money in the business. sophia vergara, for instance, who plays gloria on the show, before that, she was probably best known for doing commercials that run on late night television. >> the hawaii chair wasn't designed just for home. so, we sent the hawaii chair to a busy office to get some reactions from people at work. >> oh, my gosh, this is amazing. >> it's great on my abs. >> i can really feel it. and it makes this data entry job feel like i'm dancing in hawaii. thank you hawaii chair! ♪ the hawaii chair >> jimmy: that's right. she did that. by the way, she sold 600 million
hawaii chairs. and sophia isn't the only cast member who did commercials. i was watching "family matters" last night in the middle of the night, 3:00 in the morning, all of a sudden, i happen to see this. >> our arms are the problem area we never find the solution for, until now. with the shake weight. >> i'll feeling it in my chest and buy accepts and triceps. >> wow. in a matter of seconds, you can really feel it working your muscles. >> my arms are burning! this is definitely a great workout. >> call the number on your screen and order your shake weight today. don't wait, call right now. >> jimmy: and now they shake their emmys. tonight on the show, our first eliminee from season 11 of "dancing with the stars," david hasselhoff will be here. we have music from band of horses.
but first we'll be right back with ty burrell, julie bowen, jesse tyler ferguson and eric stonestreet from "modern family," so stick around. >> jimmy: with us tonight, the very first, dare i say loser introducing the samsung fascinate powered by verizon. super amoled screen. six-axis 3d gaming and access to thousands of free apps. all in one ultra-thin package. you want it, we got it. buy a samsung fascinate and any other phone is free. only at verizon.
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>> jimmy: hola. >> jimmy: hola. with us tonight, the very first, dare i said, loser from season 11 of trs drs, david hasselhoff will be here with his partner kym johnson. that is a shocker. then later, from south carolina, you can see them live saturday night at the greek theater here in l.a. -- their new album is called "infinite arms," band of horses, from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, from "the town," jeremy renner, jamie king will be here, and we'll hear music from hey monday. and later this week, zach galifianakis, joaquin phoenix, from "the jersey shore," snooki, "science bob" pflugfelder and music from trombone shorty and
primus. it's funny name week here on the show this week. all right, our guests tonight are one mom and three dads from the funniest sit come in many years. the second season of their emmy-winning show "modern family" starts tomorrow night at 9:00 here on abc. please welcome julie bowen, ty burrell, jesse tyler ferguson and eric stonestreet. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. how are you guys doing? >> good. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see what happens in just a year's time? it's incredible. >> i know, amazing. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm on the show right now. >> you're not. >> i feel like these people are all high. >> jimmy: some of them are.
at least 30%. though we didn't test anybody. congratulations on winning the emmy after your first season, which is -- [ cheers and applause ] you have nothing -- there's nothing to look forward to now. >> game over. we're done. >> jimmy: did you feel like you really wanted to win? >> i remember, i looked back at eric right before they announced our category and eric did this, like he was trying -- >> i leaned up to sophia, i said, are we going to win or not, and she goes, no! >> right before the award was announced, she puts on lipstick and she looks over at me, and she goes, put your lipstick on, we're going up. >> i don't know if i'm ready to take it. she's like, we're going up. >> i think it was actually -- >> whether we win or not. >> it was actually kind of funny because at the beginning, we were all like, it's going to be a fun night.
>> whatever happens happens. >> by the end of the night, everybody was like -- >> a deep hunger came out. >> if we don't win we're going to fight. >> jimmy: and was the night everything you hoped it would be? >> well, eric, i mean, for him it was -- >> yeah, work out very well. >> it was a great night for all of us. it was awesome. >> jimmy: but especially you. in case you don't know -- [ cheers and applause ] eric, you were all nominated individually as well as the show. but the three, you guys were in the category against each other. so, eric had to pretend he wasn't as excited as he probably was. >> you know, the honest to gosh truth, jimmy, is, i just feel like i'm the lucky won that won first. i think at the end of the show, ten people are going to win. it's awesome i got to be the first person, but we just -- we felt like a win for one of us was a win for the cast. >> eric, seriously -- i mean --
come on, let's be realistic. >> this doesn't need to be an intervention or anything. >> did you bring the emmy. >> you bring it everywhere. >> i don't bring it everywhere. >> you do? >> eric! >> jimmy: oh. wait a minute. you didn't bring it, but -- god sent it to you. >> well, you know, jimmy, emmy goes where emmy wants to go. it has wings. it flies. >> jimmy: she does have wings. i bet she'd go right back up to the heavens if you wanted her to. >> go! now back -- >> hey! my emmy! >> emmy's taking it hard up there. >> jimmy: she's going to be a little beat up. it would be ironic if you got killed by emmy. >> and tragic. ironic or tragic. >> jimmy: you're right, though, that fake speech you made
earlier about everybody winning -- i do think that is going to be the case and i do think it will go around and all the other shows are going to hate you guys. >> oh, that's really nice of you. >> we hope so. >> what a great sentiment. >> jimmy: you have a lot of kids on the show, too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: were not invited to the emmys -- >> they were invited. it was -- it was us who were sort of, got disinvited. we weren't -- >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> well, you -- after we won, we were doing a bunch of press afterwards, we didn't get to the governor's ball until, probably 15, or maybe a half an hour later and when we got there, we were met by very attractive young men -- >> jesse loved it. >> i was happy about that. >> who said we couldn't -- >> we didn't have our tickets. we were like, holding the emmy. can this act as a ticket for the night? >> can we just get in for a few minutes? what happened is, i got there
before and got the same thing. they said, you know, we have to print you a physical ticket. i'm like, can't i just go in, i just won -- they're like, no, we have to print you a ticket. would not let us in. >> if i walked past you, would you really try and tackle me because i'm going in, and just started running. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. that's ridiculous. >> turned out they were soft. >> jimmy: why didn't they tickets for you -- >> we had our tickets but we, like, left them -- they were very pricey. we spent all our money buying the emmy. there was no other way -- >> we got a governor's ball lunchbox kind of a thing. >> jimmy: that's kind of great in a way. you guys are newcomers to that thing and, you know, they probably just thought, oh, they'll go home quietly. we won't -- >> save a few meals. >> jimmy: you taught them the lesson that they'll never forget. >> that's right. >> they'll know us when they see us. >> asking if they wouldn't stop us. >> sir, would it be too much -- >> you won't tackle us, correct?
okay, we're going in. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. that's the way to do it. and as far as the kids go, they -- of course, they couldn't come to that, so -- >> so, they came to all of us. >> jimmy: they want to the governor's ball? >> they were partying it up. they had a great time. why does this surprise you? >> jimmy: because there's drinking at that? >> well, we don't make them drink. it's up to them. totally optional. >> jimmy: i see, all right. that's fair. >> they were trashed, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, the kids are very funny on the show, too. >> they are. but you know what, they are kids and sometimes it's hard to remember because they're so professional and they have longer resumes than we do but we have been reminded in some -- >> well, julie's been reminded. the truck driver of our cast has been reminded that she's not allowed to cuss. the f-bomb is $5. and she's wracked up, at least one college fund. >> 1,1 $0. >> not true. true -- truish. >> jimmy: there's a swear jar on
the set? >> there was an incident. there were f-bomb incidents -- >> and some c-bombs. [ applause ] >> there was -- the most famous was the double c-bomb. >> i kept apologizing but one day i was walking around the front of a van to get in and one of them was giving me a hard time, waiting on julie, so, i called her a -- >> c-word -- >> a name. >> jokingly. >> a -- >> a light hearted -- >> a bunty bunt kicker. and the children as i rounded it, i realized the doors were open and the children were sitting there, with their teacher, who is there to guard their virgin ears, going -- and the next day there was a swear jar. >> jimmy: does it have any affect on you -- >> it does. it affects me, but frankly, i
take it hard, but at the end of one day, i owed $14. sophia owed $1,000. i do not like this square jwear and just walked away. >> jimmy: somebody's got to get that money out of her, because that belongs to the kids. will they get the money? >> she's stealing from children! >> they're giving it to charity. >> jimmy: well, forget that then. and ty, you have a new daughter -- >> i do. i do. >> jimmy: so, will julie be teaching your taughter to speak? >> yes. >> i'm going to teach her how to speak. >> julie has been incredible, actually. i think it was, like, mere minutes after i had basically said that we were adopted this daughter, julie showed up with her car full -- full -- of kids stuff, and hand-wrapped clothing, like, oncies, age 3 to 6 months.
oncies, you know, socks, from 13 weeks to 13 weeks and 4 days. it was -- it was unbelievable, which we are still using all of it. >> jimmy: like -- >> i basically -- i regifted. i regifted and he's like, that's amazing. i'm like, yeah, that's right. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break here and when we come back, we're going to talk about your george clooney experience and look at a clip from "modern family," which remeirs tomorrow night, season two. we'll be right back. folks, welcome to the neighborhood
where applebee's 2 for 20 is better than ever this season. more from the sidelines. [ whistle blows, crowd cheers ] that's right, boomer. applebee's 2 for 20 is stuffed with more flavor like rich and tender florentine ravioli with chicken and provolone-stuffed meatballs plus classics like the fire-grilled 7 oz. sirloin. one appetizer, two entrees -- twenty bucks. [ whistle blows ] back to you, boomer. the best deal in the neighborhood just got better. and the swami predicts total domination! and there you have it. [ berman ] there's no place like the neighborhood. open until midnight or later. ♪ [ spits ] ♪
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be six weeks sober. sources down under say she has been bar hopping like a coked up kangaroo. >> what's daddy reading to you? >> i have to read the very hungry cater pill eer one more time i will snap -- >> oh, it's not that -- >> i will snap. >> jimmy: second season premieres tomorrow night. a lot of excitement. when i say you guys are going to be on the show, there's a response from the audience that we don't even have to fake with the applause sign, so -- it's -- >> oh -- i'm so excited. >> jimmy: you guys had a great bit at the emmys with george clooney which resulted in jesse and eric in bed with george clooney. >> jesse, what are you looking at? look at where jesse's looking at. >> jimmy: wait a minute. let me get my eye tracker here -- let's see -- yeah.
>> he has very nice hands. very nice hands. it's funny because when we were doing this, he was there for 45 minutes and we had the sets prelit and we were on the george clooney ride, he's in bed, and he's off. they were like, would you mind doing this shirtless, i was like, no, no, no, then, i said, jesse, no one is ever going to ask you to get into bed shirtless with george clooney ever again. i was like, okay, fine. and then they were like no, no, and i think george was even like, it's fine, don't -- please, i beg you, i beg you do not take off your shirt. >> jimmy: eric, you are one of america's most famous not gay gay men on the show. >> yes, that is true. >> jimmy: is that something that you feel like you have to explain to people, or -- >> well, in the beginning when i would -- when the show first
started and i would go out. we had a really funny night when we went out together. i never want to seem embarrassed of playing a gay guy so i can't start a conversation with a l y lady, going, you know, i'm not gay -- >> jimmy: that is how i start most conversations. >> it is funny because he gets to touch sophia's boobs all the time. i'm like, seriously? unbelievable! >> it's true. it's true. and it's true. they are very nice. um -- yeah -- >> jimmy: they cross all lines of any kind. >> you get a free card to a lot of stuff when you're g-a-y. you should try it sometimes, it's great. >> jimmy: julie, you talked about your husband playing beer pong with -- is he still doing that, with the staff? >> in the back, right now, i think, trying to start up a game of beer pong. he hasn't been playing that much. i believe he's going on a company retreat for paint ball, which is very excited.
he's stepping up his game. >> jimmy: he works for the paint ball company? >> just his company likes to do that kind of a thing. we had to recruit some babysitters recently, and he has gotten them to play beer pong with them on the weekends. >> jimmy: on the nights of the sitting? >> as they're sitting, sitting. there's a bit of this going on and heavy drinking. >> jimmy: and then you leave the children with the drunks? >> if there's someone in the house that can call 911, you're ahead of the game. that's the way we look at it. or if there's someone in the house that can remember the numbers 911. >> you're nine. you're one. you're also one. >> what's the order? >> i'm confused. >> two of you, but you're both ones. >> there's not an 11 on the phone! >> jimmy: glad you guys are back to work. glad we have new episodes of the show. the new season starts tomorrow on abc. "modern family," everybody.
we'll be right back with david hasselhoff. ♪ i want a girl with the right allocations ♪ ♪ who's fast and thorough ♪ and sharp as a tack ♪ she's playing with her jewelry ♪ ♪ she's putting up her hair ♪ she's touring the facility ♪ and picking up slack ♪ i want a girl with a short skirt ♪ ♪ and a long lonnnng jacket ♪ where the sun's so hot it rains fire. and there's no calling for help -- only reception your phone's gettin' is an angry look. just when you can't take any more...
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>> jimmy: well, we're back. earlier this evening, the first casualty of the crew machine known as "dancing with the stars" was recorded, and tens of thousands of germans are already in mourning around the world. along with his dance partner kym johnson, please welcome david hasselhoff. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: well -- this is -- i have to say, i'm sorry to see you here. i really am. i did not ocean% this when you were here last week. you seemed confident. you seemed like you were going to do it. you had me convinced you were going to be at least in maybe the last four. >> yeah, i know. >> jimmy: what happened? >> i don't know. >>. >> jimmy: i think it's your fault, kym, and i'll tell you why. and i'm not kidding, either. >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: what did you tell him about dating him? >> okay. i don't know if i said that, did i? >> jimmy: you did say. you says you couldn't date until he was eliminated -- >> or we won. >> he asked me, is there -- >> eliminated. can we do out? >> maybe we can go for dinner. >> jimmy: well, things have turned around already. >> god has a plan for you. you know?
and, you know, when you lose, you get to do the jimmy kimmel show. you get to go on "good morning america." tomorrow morning at 3:30 in the morning. a lot of surprises. but it was a great run and i feel bad for -- >> jimmy: it wasn't a great run, david. >> no, it wasn't a -- >> jimmy: it was a jog, maybe. a sprint to the -- >> it was a great sprint. >> jimmy: to the mailbox. this is unbelievable to me that this happened. >> i -- germans are probably -- >> jimmy: germans are not allowed to vote. >> germans are not allowed to vote? because of the war? >> jimmy: i think it's just -- abc doesn't want to have to deal with the toll changes. but this is crazy to me that you would be the first one eliminated. did you know this would be a chance when you got to 15 yesterday? >> it was down at the bottom -- >> jimmy: who should have been eliminated before you guys? >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: who did you say on the way here should have been --
>> i didn't say that. >> jimmy: you didn't? >> we knew that we were in trouble after the judges gave us a 15. and, because, you know, i wasn't ra real big on technique. having fun and showmanship -- >> jimmy: they love technique. >> one of them said you were like a poop-pori. and i really felt bad for my fans and my daughters, because my daughters are going, gosh, dad, look at kym, she's so sad. and you worked so hard with her and she's so nice. >> jimmy: did your daughters vote? >> yes. >> jimmy: did you vote for yourself? >> no. >> jimmy: mistake. >> i lost by a vote. >> i didn't vote, either. >> jimmy: and yet you expect others to vote? oh, no, that's not how it works. >> i went to a sushi bar and watched the show. i won't go there again.
>> jimmy: i don't blame you. did you train for this 100%? >> oh, yeah. 100%. as a matter of fact, i'm playing tomorrow and i said to kym if we make it to the next round, i got everything i need back in shape soy can get through the next dance, which was what -- >> the quickstep. >> the quickstep. now we're not doing that during the day, we're going jet skiing. and by night we'll be doing the live show. she might come down. >> i might come visit. >> jimmy: what's going on. wow. who knows. maybe a romance has blossomed out of this horrible turn of events. >> horrible, i know. >> jimmy: women, ell, once this happened, we have to go outside to guillermo for the ceremonial burning of the capezios. david, tonight, you're eliminated from "dancing with the stars," and your shoes have to pay the price. guillermo -- america has spoken. your dance card has been punched. david hasselhoff and kym
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