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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 29, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EDT

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time now for tonight's closing argument. with the mid-term elections just five weeks away, president obama made a spirited case for his party at the university of wisconsin tonight. the democrats are concerned about people staying at home. but the president is doing his part to rally the troops. >> because if everybody who fought for change in 2008 shows up to vote in 2010, we will win. >> so tonight, we ask you -- is the thrill still there? will the president be able to once more summon the wave of
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support that sent him to the white house? or, does disenchantment run too deep? tell us what you think at the "nightline" facebook page or on the "nightline" page at that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> dicky: it's the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league. presented by gmc. >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy kimmel. >> and i'm cousin sal. >> jimmy: another exhilarating week of fantasy football. let's go to the scores. >> jb smoove toppled jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: no! the fridge swallowed team shepard whole. >> joel mchale beaten up by a little gal named kristen bell. >> jimmy: and the sports guy bill simmons ekes out a tight win over adam carolla.
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they had a side bet on this one, and today, adam paid off. >> well, a bet's a bet. >> mr. carolla. >> take good care of her. it's been with my family for years, my great grandfather rode it into ellis island. >> what do you got against circus folk? >> jimmy: hakuna matata, right? check out next week's matchup on the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube page. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league, right here, every week. >> jimmy: presented by gmc. i'm jimmy kimmel. >> i'm cousin sal. bang! >> jimmy: bang. >> that's my thing. let me do it. bang. >> dicky: to follow all the action all season long, go to the "jimmy kimmel live" youtube channel and click on fantasy league for scores, video and more. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two
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minutes with music from maroon five and dane cook. looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can afford. to steer clear of the confusion, go to in less than 5 minutes, you'll get straight answers. like how much life insurance you really need and how much it costs. so, no matter where you end up buying, you'll make the best decision for your family. get guarantees for the if in life. from metlife. call 1-888-metlife for your free quote
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>> dain: 1. from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- dane cook. adam levine versus ricardo in pop a shot. and music from maroon 5. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's can j"jimm mmy kimmel li♪ >> and now, might i add, here's jimmy kimmel!
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>> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thanks for enjoying the unseasonably brutal heat to be here. you know what, i know it's hot outside, but my pockets are filled with popsicles and tonight we're going to break the fun thermometer. that's right. but before we get to that, i want to say -- it was a tough night for michael bolton tonight. they all are, really, but -- michael bolton got a 12 last night, one of the lowest scores recorded in the history of "dancing with the stars," all the way to the '40s. since he cot his hair, he's lost his power. could you imagine how beautiful that mull let would have looked whipping around in the lights during a pass do doble? michael will not join us on the
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show tonight because he has a concert in napa valley. the man gets around. michael, i want you to know is, you beat the hoff, so -- keep your chin up, little buck-a-roo. last night, sarah palin made her first appearance on "dancing with the stars" to support her daughter bristol. and it appeared, to me, at least that the crowd booed her. or cariboued her, this's from alaska. tom bergeron thought the audience was booing the score given to jennifer grey. tonight, they showed another camera angle that proves, i guess, the boos weren't directly at palin. >> i want to talk to both of you. there was quite a buzz in the press. and a little bit of controversy in the ballroom last night. when you got your scores from the judges, everyone was booing. now, the press reported that they were booing for sarah palin. so, we have a clip that i want to show you that was never intended to air. it's raw.
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but i think it's going to show us what actually happened. >> let's go to the tape. >> eight. >> eight. >> eight. they're booing an eight. >> that's good! that is good. >> jimmy: that's the closest ballroom dancing fans have ever come to a riot. i noticed something last night while sarah palin was chatting with tom bergeron, when she was not being booed. everything she says she says in threes. like this. >> how do you think this sew is going so far? >> amazing. so exciting and great to see the exuberan exuberance. >> jimmy: she does this all the time. >> absolutely amazinamazing, aw invigorating.
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>> the determination and resolve and the sheer guts. >> control, title and egos. >> with honesty and sincerity. >> grow and thrive and prosper. >> through education, through books through mediums. >> you, who are motivated and engaged and concerned. >> to fight for our country, for democracy, for our freedoms. >> with our freedoms, our democracy, our tolerance. >> democratic values and tolerance and freedom. >> freedom, independence, tolerance. >> democracy, tolerance and freedom. >> it's a humbling, humbling experience already. it's very humbling. >> jimmy: that's -- weird and unusual and strange. [ applause ] tell you one thing, she would be great at balderdash. tonight's show should be a good one. dane cook is here. maroon 5 is here.
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and adam levin is the lead singer of maroon 5. apparently singing isn't his only talent. he sent me this tweet. he said, hey, do you still do the thingy with the bball machine and the guy who's unnaturally good at it, because i'd like a shot next week. the guy he's talking about is ricardo who we discovered at a bar here in l.a. ricardo is the greatest pop a shot player i've ever seen. and i've seen a lot of pop a shot. he beat lebron james this summer, charles barkley this summer. we put him -- even kobe bryant was no match for ricardo's skills. but for some reason, adam levine thinks he can beat him. we're going to give him a chance to do that tonight. and -- [ applause ] i can't imagine that he's going to. in rehearsal this afternoon, ricardo didn't miss any shots. he made them all. but adam believes he can slay the dragon that is ricardo. so, we'll see, i guess. there's a heat wave, you know, sitting on the face of southern
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california right now. it got up to 113 yesterday, which is the highest temperature in l.a. since they started writing them down back in 1877. it was so hot, the thermometer at the national weather service actually broke. which, to me is ridiculous. i've got five meat thermometers that go up to 200 at my house and i don't live at the national weather service. it was 90 degrees last night at midnight in burbank. the power company overloaded. blackouts, the whole thing. today, it was a comfortable 96. but one thing is for sure. i picked the worst week to clean my oven. heat kills, right uncle frank? >> sometimes. >> calle >> jimmy: it can be dangerous. there are ways to handle it, safe ways, and with more, we turn to our in-house medical expert. it's time to ask dr. uncle frank. >> dr. uncle frank here helping to keep you healthy. we have a question from imon
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fyer. he asks, my power just went out. how do i keep busy? you do nothing. that's what you do. you do nothing, you just stay still. nothing can go wrong. nothing can go wrong. you get scared, you might do something in your pants, but it won't spread. do nothing. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's very good advice. no one does nothing better than uncle frank. been doing nothing for years. yesterday, oprah had a show on which celebrities did their dream jobs, which sounds kind of backwards. she had celebrities doing jobs they would have liked to have done if things had gone terribly wrong for them, i guess? i don't know. like tony danza worked as a teacher, that sort of thing. actually an interesting show. >> all new. celebrities take on their dream jobs. inside tony danza's year as a high school teacher. >> i just wonder if i can do this. >> then, angie harmon goes where
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cameras have never been allowed to go. homicide detective school. and talk show host jimmy kimmel spends six months as a meat ball taster. >> jimmy: it's good. good. good. >> unbelievable. today on oprah. >> jimmy: just doing my part for meat ball safety. thanks, oprah. great doing the show. you're a great lady. i mean that. one more thing. like many americans with hundreds of babies, nadya suleman, the octo-mom is having trouble paying her mortgage. this weekend, she had a yard sale to raise some money. but there are a lot of thinks to take care of when you own a home. so, to try to help her out, we called ya ya. ya ya, there's ya ya, he's a friend of the show. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: in his spare time, he goes to places to pose for pictures with celebrities. but his job is, she's a handy man, so, we sent him to the aoky
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to mom to help out around the house. >> hey, it's me, it's yeyha. i go to celebrity house today. i'm so excited, i'm so happy i come today and fix up the house. hello? it's me, yeyha. open up. >> hi, i'm the man for the star. >> nice to meet you. >> flower for happy -- >> baby. >> happy kids holiday. >> hi, how are you? don't scared. i'm sorry. the flower for you. flower. >> oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. >> can i take picture with you? >> sure. god bless you. you're the best. look with me with the kid. one, two -- >> i have a lot of problems in the house. my pipes are so rusty and they won't stop leaking.
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someone did come out and fix it and nay left the hole. >> what your name? >> my name? nadya. >> i fix that for you. >> okay, oh -- how are you? >> give you -- wash your hands? >> okay, i turn. >> go wash your hands. >> okay. can i take picture of your kids? >> oh, okay. >> look here, smile. i got half. i get over half. one, two -- what the kids name because i'm bad with the name. >> noah. noriah. josiah. jonah. malia. isaiah. jeremiah. and that's makai. >> it's easy for me, i make nickname. number one. number two. number three -- >> there's still a hole -- >> i fix the hole. i'm sorry.
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i'm working now. i clean everything for you. oh. i make mistake i clean that half. >> oh, the boy fighting with the girl. >> naughty. >> you want some egyptian music for him? >> yes, that sounds good. [ singing in foreign language ] i'm sorry, sim sorry. quiet now. >> your voice -- very strong. >> like you.
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let's do that together. one, two, three -- >> what's wrong with you? what's wrong with your laugh? >> i laugh like you. >> oh, my gosh. >> i love the smile. very nice smile. she's a smile like -- it's smile, stop, smile, stop. good power, this lady. >> no one could laugh like yeyha. there's no way. >> look. i'm done. okay? >> okay. >> he worked very hard on the ceiling. there's still a bit of a crack there, but he tried. and that's all that matters. >> i work very hard all day. you need a break. you and me. >> okay. sure. let's have a break. >> let's go! i take picture with you -- >> okay. >> look.
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>> hey, aqua mom, can i go on the slide? >> you can try. is very dangerous. let's go back to work now. >> thank you for the break. >> thank you, aqua mom. >> can you fix the screen? >> yeah, right now. one minute. see how my work. using your teeth. >> i use my teeth. my teeth good, thank god. i have scissors, too. i use everything in my body. now that -- >> oh, yay, thank you. i can see him becoming our regular handyman. it's very nice and very appreciative for someone to come help out. >> aqua mom, i close your crack. you want to see that? >> you didn't close the screen very well. >> i work for nothing today!
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>> thank you very much for all your help. >> no problem. any time. >> you worked so hard. >> nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you, too. >> aqua mom -- >> what's -- that's not my name. >> what is your name? >> nadya. >> give me hug. >> bye aqua mom! >> thank you. bye! [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, there you go. beautifully done. tonight, adam levine is here for pop a shot with ricardo. we have music from maroon 5. and we'll be right back with
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. we have a good show for you tonight. i hope. i didn't really take care of it. tonight, this is their new cd. it's called "hands all over." you can see them live at the greek theater here in l.a., october 8th. maroon 5 from the bud light outdoor stage tonight. and then, the lead singer for maroon 5 has issued a pop a shot challenge. he believes he can beat busboy ricardo, a man who beat kobe bryant, lebron james, carmelo anthony, charles barkley over the summer. adam thinks he can defeat him tonight. we will find out that he can't. tomorrow on the show, joel mchale will be here, busy phillips and sharon jones and the dap kings. tune in then. our first guest tonight you know from stage, screen and smaller screen. he kicks off his new comedy tour of 40 cities this saturday night
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at the agree theater here in l.a. and his newest cd is called "i did my best greatest hits" in scores november 23rd. please say hello to dane cook. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> good to be back. hi! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: really good to see you. >> makes me want to grapple and wrestle you. >> jimmy: i know. and that -- >> good to be back. good to be back. >> jimmy: you look like you are getting more muscular, since the last time i saw you -- >> these are implants. $1,000. you're getting kind of yolked, too. >> jimmy: oh, yeah.
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do you worry -- once you reach a certain point of must cue lairty -- >> right, you can't -- >> jimmy: you have to be careful. >> you can get lean, maybe a little toned but you can't get -- >> jimmy: you cannot -- >> the minute there's a vein that goes from here, wraps around -- >> jimmy: that's when you become threatening instead of funny. >> we can see the heartbeat in your eyebrow. >> jimmy: what have you been up to besides hitting the steel, working out, whatever they call it. >> first of all, just enjoying this show every single night. jimmy kimmel gettings b better better. maroon 5 here, i liked them better when they were crimson 4. see what i did? did a couple of flicks. i just finished a couple of movies here in los angeles. >> jimmy: very nice. what movies were you working on them? >> i did a horror comedy that i just wrapped, right now, called "detention." and my first time ever doing something where i got to be
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covered in fake blood, you nope, you do a horror comedy, you have to have, you know, fake blood on you. so i had this one day that i had to film a scene where i had the fake blood and fake blood on my chest but i had a date set up that night for the wrap so i'm like, i'm out of here at 8:00, go home, shower, do what i have to do. we ran late and so i said to makeup, i go, listen, a third date, really trying to keep the impression going, i really like this girl. they're like, we're get you all nice and cleaned. they clean me up, i get all nice. they do my hair for me, send me on my way. great date. we go out and go back to her place and it's the first time that we're going to start to get a little bit intimate. we've been necking before, jimmy. >> jimmy: yes, like the old fashioned days. >> yeah, we did a lyle dry maneuver. >> jimmy: dry necking. >> dry necked. we canoodled. we're starting to derobe each
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other and she -- she goes to pull my pants and my underwear down but when i had gotten cleaned up so quick, i didn't know all the fake blood ran, so -- >> jimmy: oh, no. >> my genitals were covered in fake dry blood. and she looks and then she looks up, i have never seen someone so bewildered. and i look down and then i just stop and i went, what did you do? [ cheers and applause ] and then -- and then i was like, no, it's fake blood, not real, it's corn syrup. go ahead, taste it. >> jimmy: that could potentially spoil everything. >> mashed potato. french fries. >> jimmy: i don't know what that means. >> it sounded great coming out of the mouth. >> jimmy: socokay, so -- did yo
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retire from touring? is that true? >> what am i, jay-z? no, i retired but not from entertainment. i retired from bird watching. i did that -- >> jimmy: you did? not doing that at all? >> i really sucked at it. i basically -- i would see a bird, i would go, ahh. i retired from that. and i took a holiday, jimmy. i took a hiatus to relax and enjoy life. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> i did a bunch of stuff. i joined a fantasy air hockey league. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i built a seven-person seesaw, which was interesting. i organized my closet from things that kanye west is most likely to wear to things that he probably would not wear. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> i had sex with carrie ann inaba. she was upset. i brought my foot up off the ground and so that was -- >> jimmy: you can't do that. >> i can't do that. i -- i masturbated 47,845 times.
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i -- oh, i found jesus on a wheat thin. >> jimmy: you did? that's where he's been. >> i beat stephen hawking in a doing anything physical contest. >> jimmy: you did? >> i really did. i didn't think he would take me up on that challenge. and i peeled grapes and fed them to a blind men, he felt it and i told them, these are your eyes. just for poops and giggles. >> jimmy: the blind have great senses of humor. sounds like you had a lot of fun. i can't help but feel like there's -- i don't know. there's something -- i don't want to make you uncomfortable. it seems like there's something different or is there something wrong or, anything -- >> i'm not going to lie, i'm kind of doing the sad clown thing tonight. i'm covering up a bit. >> jimmy: i felt a little extra squeeze -- >> i'm a little downtrodden,
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kimmel. >> jimmy: what is wrong? >> it's this whole -- ah, michael bolton thing, getting eliminated from the "dancing with the stars." >> jimmy: i did not know you were a big michael bolton fan. >> i really am. >> jimmy: you are? for a long time? >> in more ways than you could ever imagine. >> jimmy: really? what is your five favorite michael bolton songs? >> you knoll what -- that wasn't on the card. >> jimmy: we'll go over them later. >> let me show you how big of a fan i truly am and i'll show you right now. >> jimmy: what is this? what is that? >> jimmy: >> i bought this at an action. i paid $17,000 for this. >> jimmy: is that michael bolton's hair? >> it's his actual hair. >> jimmy: like his '80s hair? you're the owner?
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that's -- it looks great on you. so -- when you -- so when you, dane -- when michael bolton -- when he danced, you were voting for him? >> shh. ♪ ♪ i could hardly believe it ♪ when i heard the news today ♪ had to come straight from you ♪ ♪ they said you were believing ♪ someone swept your heart away ♪ ♪ from the look upon your face ♪ i see it's true ♪ tell me all about it ♪ tell me about the plans you made girl ♪
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♪ tell me one more thing before i go ♪ ♪ tell me ♪ how am i supposed to live without you ♪ ♪ now that i've been loving you so long ♪ ♪ how am i supposed to live without you ♪ ♪ how am i supposed to carry on ♪ ♪ when all that i've been living for is ♪ ♪ girl ♪ girl >> jimmy: wow. how about that?
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>> thanks, jimmy. thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: dane cook, everybody. kicks off his tour saturday night at the greek theater here in l.a. and dane cook "i did my best" comes out november 23rd. i think mike is going to be very clee pleased. be right back. ♪ tell me ♪ how am i supposed to live without you ♪ ♪ please baby [ announcer ] complete opposites in complete harmony.
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to eat an eggo...your way. more bold flavor!onds! more variety! more value! more of what you want... not what you don't. blue diamond almonds. (play-by-play announcer) it's up and it is... good! more than a snack. >> jim >> jimmy: a lot of emotion on the show tonight. a great deal of emotion. maroon 5 will be here. in the meantime, adam levine, like much of america, was impressed by the skills of ricardo. he's probably the greatest pop a shot player the world has ever known. this is ricardricardo. he's a busboy at barney's beanery here in los angeles. this summer, he made history by making short work of nba stars like lebron james, like nba legend charles barkley, who he beat.
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he even took the great kobe bryant down. now, adam saw all this, tweeted me, said, do you still do the thingy with the bball machine? so, i tweeted back, are you an accomplished pop a shotter? to which adam replied, i'm rain man. so -- tonight, we're going to see if adam can make it rain. it's time now for the pop a shot challenge. gentlemen? wow. look at this. adam, how are you? ricardo, how are you? now, say this right off the bat, this is very brave. i noticed your hands are much sweatier than ricardos which is a bad sign for you. >> i am regretting everything that we talked about the other day. but i -- >> jimmy: you do this? >> i'm good. but you, my friend, i mean -- could we just do this? >> let's see what happens. >> you're a legend.
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>> jimmy: giving up already? we have to make a show. >> i'm going to win. >> jimmy: okay, good. we start this with -- bring out cousin sal. he's going to have a jump ball. here we go. gentlemen -- >> adam's ball. >> jimmy: adam, you are the challenger, you go first. ricardo, how are you feeling right now? do you know the band maroon 5? [ cheers and applause ] you've no, ma'am cot competed a rock star before, your first time? >> by the way, he has no respect for my skill whatsoever, which is terrifying. >> jimmy: he's very, very good at this. so, who could blame him? if he was singing in front of the band, he would be nervous. >> your confidence chills me to the bone. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. 30 seconds, adam. >> let's do this. >> jimmy: let's do it. hit the button.
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look at how gentlemanly, ricardo helping him. look at this. now he's psyching you out. here we go. adam levine. off to a strong start. adam -- oh, oh. [ cheers and applause ] the score says -- there seems to be a -- a malfunction of some ki kind. all right. this machine is -- 665 points? >> not bad. not bad. >> jimmy: that's the highest score ever recorded times about 11, i think, right now. >> 665. >> jimmy: 68%, you got 65 points. 65 points is very good, by the way. >> it does say 665.
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>> jimmy: it does say that. 24 out of 35. ricardo, can you beat him? >> i try, man. >> you're going to beat me, but i love you. >> jimmy: better than any of the nba stars, by the way. >> that's all i cared about. >> jimmy: it's ricardo's turn to respond. >> don't be nervous. >> jimmy: go get them, ricardo. >> here we go. >> jimmy: and we are off. he's inhuman. he's a machine. he shows no mercy. he is a mad man. >> not bad, though. >> jimmy: nicely done by adam, but ricardo, you are the winner.
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there you go, ricardo. congratulations. nicely done. wait a minute now -- do we make a bet -- you should give hi a guitar or something like that. that would be -- >> fine. >> jimmy: all right. adam levine, you're going to sing next, right? adam levine, ricardo. we'll be right back with maroon 5. anncr: filmed in front of a fake audience. wesley: i said, "plaster! i don't even know her. you feel me?!" heather: our first mixer with the new neighbors seems to be going well! bob the neighbor: (holding his overflowing glass) when...when! josh: what'll it be, ladies? female neighbor: mix me up something good. josh: how about one part tank, one part cardi.. kelly: mmmmm...that's a cardi cocktail! female neighbor: ooh, i'll have what they're having.
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>> jimmy: this is their new cd, it's called "hands all over." here with the song "misery," maroon 5. ♪ ♪ so scared of faking it ♪ that you won't let it bend ♪ and i want to ♪ i will never let it send ♪ it seems so much deeper than it seems ♪ ♪ i'd rather let them bleed ♪ so let me be ♪ an essential thing ♪ owe yeah ♪ i am in misery
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there ain't nobody who can comfort me ♪ ♪ why won't you answer me ♪ the silence is slowly killing me ♪ ♪ girl you really got me bad ♪ you really got me bad ♪ i'm gonna get you back ♪ gonna get you back ♪ your salty skin and how ♪ it mixes in with mine ♪ the way it feels to be completely intertwined ♪ ♪ it's not that i did not care ♪ it's that i did not know ♪ it's not what i did not feel it's what i didn't show ♪ ♪ so me let be ♪ and i'll set you free ♪ i am in misery ♪ there ain't nobody to comfort me ♪ ♪ why won't you answer me ♪
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♪ the silence is slowly killing me ♪ ♪ girl you really got me bad ♪ you really got me bad ♪ i'm gonna get you back ♪ gonna get you back ♪ ♪ say your faith is shaken ♪ you may be mistaken ♪ you keep me wide awake ♪ and waiting for the sun ♪ i'm desperate and confused ♪ so far away from you ♪ i'm getting here ♪ i don't care where i have to go ♪ ♪ why do you do what you do to me ♪ ♪ why won't you answer me, answer me ♪ ♪ why do you do what you do to me ♪ ♪ why won't you answer me, answer me ♪ ♪ i am in misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me ♪
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♪ why won't you answer me ♪ the silence is slowly killing me ♪ ♪ girl you really got me bad ♪ you really got me bad ♪ i'm gonna get you back ♪ gonna get you back ♪ ♪ girl you really got me bad ♪ you really got me bad ♪ i'm gonna get you back ♪ gonna get you back ♪ whoa yeah ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ no no no ♪ no no ♪ girl you really got me bad ♪ you really got me bad ♪ ♪ i'm gonna get you back ♪ gonna get you back [ music throughout ] [ male announcer ] looking for a complete picture of your money?
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>> jim >> jimmy: i want to thank dane cook, adam levine and i are car doe the busboy. apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night, joel mchale, busy phillips and sharon jones and the dap kings. playing us off the air with the song "give a little more," once again, maroon 5! ♪
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♪ ♪ now you've been bad ♪ and it goes on and on and on ♪ until you come home babe ♪ until you come home ♪ now you taste past the poison you learn to love is gone ♪ ♪ i'm all alone baby ♪ i'm all alone ♪ i'm waiting for something ♪ wauls waiting ♪ feeling nothing ♪ wde


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