tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 5, 2011 12:00am-1:05am EDT
days are the good old days. i'm john donvan for "nightline" in detroit. >> and that was john donvan in a red convertible. thanks to him and thanks to you for watching abc news. check in for "good morning america." they're working while you're sleeping and we're always online at abcnews.com. have a great weekend. tonight on "jimmy kimmel live." zach galifianakis. >> >> jimmy: aat what point did you decide to be in show business. >> about ten minutes ago. >> jimmy: there has to be an easier way for the president to get medical marijuana than fly out to california. >> dicky: mike judge and music from prims. >> jimmy: the saddes
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for joining us here. we had the week off last week. i -- that was good for me. i was able to catch up on my baby dolling. great to be back. have you been watching the world series of baseball? baseball isn't as popular as it used to be. it needs to start dating a kardashian or something. they played game five tonight in texas, the rangers against the cardinals. former president bush used to own them in college. last night he threw out the ceremonial first pitch. it's high and what do you think
president bush does all day. angry birds? i knew the day would come where i would be forced to choose between baseball and rob kardashian dancing. i just didn't anticipate it would come so soon. monday night football, jacksonville and baltimore. so the nfl did something clever to try to bring the dancing with the stars audience over to the game. look at this here. a penalty marker is down. >> he looks like a crazy man.
he needs more passion. more sex appeal. i want to see his inner -- 15-yard penalty. touchdown. yes. >> jimmy: you see what they did. had judge bruno. if there's anything i learned from the new "footloose" remake, it's a sin. once with their partner and once in a team dance. i'm still not sure which team chaz bono is on. but chaz got the lowest score of the 19. 19 out of 30. by the way, is it my imagination but has he not lost one pound this season. he's the hurley. j.r. martinez and ricki lake tied. if you're a "dancing with the
stars" fan looking for a celebrity to vote for making that can be difficult sometimes so allow me to suggest david or". david or" has style, charisma and most importantly i bet $1,000 on him to win. i did, i gamble on dancing. the saddest addiction you can have. >> much more action happening online. already number one on amazon. >> jimmy: beaten unconscious with an iphone. actually a guy named benji who works for the howard stern show. pretty representative. president obama visited los angeles tonight. i don't get that. there's got to be an easier way for the president of the united states to get medical marijuana
than fly out to california. he went to one dinner party with will smith and another at melanie griffith. over the weekend in indiana. former is the survivor" conte contestant. he announced he's running for governor. if he doesn't get elected governor, i think he has a pretty good shot at winning wrestle mania. >> i am seeking the libertarian
party's nomination for governor of indiana. [ cheers and applause ] there are a lot of issues facing hoosiers now. i am ready to stand up and face them all. >> jimmy: great. i tell you one thing. he won't be squandering the taxpayers' money on haircuts or shampoo. some people aren't taking rupert seriously because he's rupert from "survivor," but i don't think his opponent should underestimate him. the man has been on "survivor" three times. they're running an ad that i find to be very persuasive. >> rupert boneham for governor, vote for him or he'll hug you. paid for by rupert boneham. >> yeah! >> jimmy: because he smells probably. i don't know. i've never been near him. reality stars -- i like they're running for office now. i mean i really -- one day my dream of a president snooki might become a reality. this is an odd story. one of john lennon's teeth is going up for auction in england. i guess the tooth fairy is finally cashing in, and it's a
molar he gave his housekeeper as a gift. either that or he said throw this out and she didn't speak english, i don't know but she has it and she's telling it. regis and kelly were talking about it on their show this morning and they mentioned another renowned collectors of peculiar auction items. >> here's some other things that have other interesting things that have sold in the past. clippings of elvis presley's hair sold in 2009 for $15,000. yes. jimmy kimmel bought late actor gary coleman's size 12 xl regular gap kid sweatpants in 2008 for -- oh, no. there were fake bids as high as $400,000. they don't tell us what jimmy kimmel actually paid. >> i thought jimmy was a little taller than gary coleman. >> i think he just wanted to have them maybe. >> he wanted to have gary coleman's sweatpants. >> we're not sure why. >> interesting about that jimmy kimmel guy. >> jimmy: why wouldn't you want
to have gary coleman's sweatpants? and by the way, not only do i own gary coleman's pants, they proudly hang in our studio here every night. you don't get to see this unless you're here visiting, but when he -- we put them up, and then we thought we would take them down, and then he passed away, and i didn't have the heart to take them down. so there they will hang for all of eternity. hey, speaking of eternity, you know, was supposed to end on friday. i don't think it did, though. the guy that said it was going to end is a christian radio host named harold camping. this is harold camping. he also had the colts in the under last night so it was a tough weekend for him all around. harold camping is the guy who predicted the apocalypse was going to happen back in may, and i don't think that one happened either. well, you know what they say, the third apocalypse is the charm. maybe he should start with something easier to predict like the five-day forecast in phoenix or something,
then move on to the apocalypse. but this is reported to be the 12th time mr. camping has predicted the end of the world. the first time was in 1978 and he keeps doing -- not only is he bad at predicting things, but he's kind of a bummer to hang out with. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is interesting. the bbc has a new seven-part documentary series called "frozen planet" where they follow animals around with cameras, similar to what they do with paris hilton. and this one looks at life in the arctic and antarctic. the first episode this week focuses on penguins, and it's pretty great to watch. i didn't know they did a whole movie about penguins. male penguins attract a mate by building the biggest possible nest, not unlike the way it works in the human world. and sometimes when a good penguin is trying to build his nest, a bad penguin sneaks in and tries to steal his rocks. >> it takes stones of all shapes and sizes to build a decent nest, and finding ones that are just right is not easy.
♪ >> so some penguins turn to a life of crime. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's what you get. most adorable episode of it ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one more thing. halloween is one week from tonight. if you're going to a party, you better figure out a costume or you'll be stuck wearing a salad bowl on your head and calling yourself justin bieber. i still can't decide if
i'm going to be a werewolf or a sexy al roker but every year -- i blame facebook for this -- i see more and more costumes on pets. people dress their animals up oo for halloween, and while most people seem to think it's cute, there's an animal rights group launching a campaign that strongly disagrees with that assessment. >> we are your pets, your best friends, your most loyal companions, and yet every halloween you dress us in ridiculous, embarrassing costumes. do we look like clowns to you or lobsters, punk rockers, ewoks, harry potters, fast food, wonder women, chia pets or oompa-loompas? you spay us, you neuter us, and now you take our dignity. we've had enough. if you don't stop dressing us like idiots, we'll knock you down and hump you. woof.
paid for by pets against people. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: humping is their solution to everything. hey, we got a great show for you tonight. the voice of beavis and butt-head is here. mike judge is here, and we have primus, and we'll be right back with zach galifianakis, so stick around. [ applause ] ♪ yeah, in my life ♪ i need you so ♪ i need you so ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] that which unleashes your passion is back. the simple joy of the mcrib.
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gather 'round the television for the triumphant return of "beavis and butt-head" to mtv. and their father, mike judge, is here to tell us about it tonight. and then with music from this, their first album in 11 years, it's called "green naugahyde," primus from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, hugh laurie will be here, as will snooki and the latest "dancing with the stars" castoff, and both beavis and butt-head too. and later this week justin timberlake, tyra banks, david spade, brett ratner, rebecca romijn, and music from frank turner and the fray. so please join us then. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest tonight is thick of beard and weird of mind with a name that could win any scrabble game around. starting friday, you can see him give voice to an accident-prone egg named humpty in the new animated feature "puss in boots." please say hello to zach galifianakis. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's good to see you. >> nice to see you. >> jimmy: did you know this is your 15th appearance on this show? >> 15th appearance, yes, i read
that. >> jimmy: you did. where did you read that? >> in my diary. >> jimmy: oh, really. okay. >> yep. i'm the one that called you about it. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. i'm so sorry. i forgot. well, it's good to have you back. i know you just had a birthday. did you have a big party? are you a partying kind of guy? >> i don't -- i don't like to -- what do you mean? i like to drink underneath my table alone by myself but not a big party guy. but i -- this birthday, my 27th, was -- [ laughter ] >> i was doing a performance, i was doing a "q" and "a" with "the new yorker" magazine. >> jimmy: ooh. with whom? >> "the new yorker" magazine. that's right. no, it was with "teen people," "tiger beat." >> jimmy: the poster came out? >> yeah.
>> jimmy: it was "the new yorker." >> so there were people there, and it was my birthday, and i felt bad that i didn't really have a celebration, so i got 500 cupcakes for the audience. >> jimmy: oh, where do you get 500 cupcakes? >> i got it at a place called baby cakes in new york in the lower east side of new york. it's called baby cakes. >> jimmy: yeah, i think there is one here too. they make cakes for babies, right? >> yeah, that's what it is. i went into the store, and i was like, i need 500 cupcakes, and they were like, oh, so the usual. [ laughter ] little fat joke about myself? and anyway -- >> jimmy: and you got them and you distributed them to others. >> that's right, in the audience. >> jimmy: was there a candle or anything? >> no, there was no candle, but the cupcakes were laced with lsd. >> jimmy: oh. >> and guess what, everybody is getting a cupcake tonight! [ cheers and applause ] >> oprah, pass it on, oprah.
>> jimmy: you learn when you're in front of a group of people on a regular basis, you learn people love drugs. >> yes, they do. they do. >> jimmy: they go crazy for them. >> they do. >> jimmy: speaking of drugs, i found -- well, i didn't find this. somebody found this and said this is a picture of you in high school. is that you in high school? >> that -- yep, that's when i was head of the cheerleading squad. >> jimmy: i was staring at it for like 20 minutes to try to make you -- i see like the eyes and everything, although i think if maybe we got -- let me see if -- >> you guys have any -- >> jimmy: yeah, that's you. that is you. >> that's it. >> jimmy: what kind of a student were you besides fresh faced? >> i was -- i was a pretty good student.
yeah, i got good grades and was, you know, respectful to my teachers, and i got an academic scholarship to barber college. >> jimmy: oh, is that right? >> yep. >> jimmy: and did you take them up on that. >> yeah, went to barber college. played linebacker there for awhile. >> jimmy: at what point in your life did you decide i want to be in show business, i want to do something that people watch me? >> like ten minutes ago. i know i was in elementary school, and the kid -- the guy that whistled the theme song to "the andy griffith show" came and whistled. we were on a tight budget, and he whistled the theme song to "the andy griffith show," and i remember looking at him like all he did is showed up to work with nothing, and he knows how to whistle. i have to figure out how to
basically do that for a living. and that is how i got -- that's basically the beginning when i tried to figure out like what i could do to entertain people. this guy just captivated an assembly of children. and it was the greatest day of my life. a light went off, but unfortunately i got my pants pulled down the same day. yeah. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and somehow -- well, that must have made an indelible impression on you. >> it made an impression on me, yes, and it made an impressionen everybody else too. >> jimmy: who pulled your pants down? >> the guy that was whistling. i got backstage passes. [ laughter and applause ] >> oh, childhood abuse. >> jimmy: and now you're trying to eat your problems away through cupcakes. >> that's right.
that's exactly right. >> jimmy: were you abused regularly, and i don't mean sexually, but as a child, would people pick on you? >> no, you know what, i was, but i also picked on other people, but my brother, who was really big, he used to pick me up by my underwear like where my feet would dangle like this, and he would like wait till gravity kicked in and just hold me for 30 minutes until my underwear like broke or part of my underroos ended up in my small intestine. >> jimmy: did he give you a wedgie or -- >> back then we just called it love. back in north carolina it was just called family love. >> jimmy: and are you still on speaking terms with your brother? >> just skyping. we only skype. >> jimmy: how are things back on the farm in north carolina? you really -- you live on a farm. >> i have a place in north carolina.
i got -- i just bought a couple of donkeys, and then i -- the other day i was -- my farm almost burned down. i have a few acres, and i almost burnt my farm down. >> jimmy: you almost burnt your farm down? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how do you almost burn a farm down? >> i was smoking grass, and i was trying to burn grass, and i poured a little -- because i don't want any chemicals on my land but poured a little diesel and lit it. i had a maul bucket of water. i knew what i was doing. i was an eagle scout. >> jimmy: this is like a fertilizing thing that goes on. >> so what you want to do is burn your grass so the grass revitalizes itself until you get rid of the weeds, so it's all about getting rid of the weeds, and anyway, six minutes later my land is ablaze, and i'm running to my neighbor's and trying to
get this -- had turned on his spigot and filling up the bucket, and two fire trucks and an ambulance came, and, you know, these good old guys, they like see me as a city slicker so it's kind of really embarrassing. oh, well, hey, zach, what's up. what did you do? oh, i don't know. trying to burn my grass. >> jimmy: everything is all right? >> everything is fine, yeah, everything is fine. >> jimmy: hey you know what, let's take a quick break here. when we come back, let's set your beard on fire. >> sure. >> jimmy: okay. zach galifianakis. "puss in boots" opens friday. we'll be right back. capital one's new cash rewards card gives you a 50% annual bonus! so you earn 50% more cash. according to research, everybody likes more cash. well, almost everybody... ♪ would you like 50% more cash? no! but it's more money.
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humpty alexander dumpty, how dare you show your face to me. >> i know you're angry. you have every right, but it is good to see you, puss. are those new boots? >> no, they are the same boots i wore when you betrayed me. >> betrayed you? you let me crack in pieces on a bridge surrounded by soldiers. they wrote a song about it. >> jimmy: that's humpty dumpty,
zach galifianakis in "puss in boots," a very clean shaven humpty dumpty. >> i had to shave. >> jimmy: you know, a lot of movie stars will come and say, i wanted to do this movie for my kids, but you don't have any kids. >> no, i don't have any kids and -- i mean i did, but they left me. they left me. >> jimmy: when the fire hit the farm, they hit the road. >> yes, yes, the fire. >> jimmy: speaking of kids, what do you do on halloween? do you go out? do you stay home and give out candy or anything like that? >> i give out candy to kids all the time. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> in my van that plays ice cream truck music. halloween, no, this halloween i don't think -- but a couple halloweens ago i was at my friend matt's house, and we were -- we were watching trick
or treaters and giving candy, and these kids came to the door, and one of the kids was an african-american kid, and he had like a bow tie on and like horn-rimmed glasses from the '50s, and he was like, trick or treat, this black kid, and my friend looks at him and goes, oh, malcolm x, and the kid goes, no, i'm a nerd. racially profiling a 7-year-old. >> jimmy: he may have been reading a little too much into it. >> yeah, exactly. if a chinese kid comes, ask him if he's mao tse-tung. >> jimmy: have you ever run into anyone dressed as you for halloween? >> i have. a couple years ago i was in albuquerque, new mexico, and -- [ laughter ] i couldn't remember if they switched states. i was in albuquerque, and i was at a halloween party and there
was a guy dressed as the character from "the hangover," and i walked up to him and i went, you're me. and he goes, yeah, right and just walked away. [ laughter ] >> he totally didn't believe me which i find quite rude. >> jimmy: i can see how you would feel that way. by the way, i want to say your television show "bored to death which i enjoy thoroughly just came back to hbo and -- >> that's -- >> jimmy: you're working with jason schwartzman and ted danson. >> yeah, they're good men. ted danson is always trying to like -- he's very hip. and he's always trying to be youthful on the set, and i heard him say, oh, snap. >> jimmy: you did? >> and it was his knee. just his knee. >> jimmy: it was his knee.
zach galifianakis, everybody. his movie "puss in boots" opens friday. his show "bored to death" on hbo. we'll be right back with mike judge. [ applause ] [ male announcer ] if you're only brushing, add listerine® total care for more complete oral care. ♪ it works in six different ways to restore enamel... strengthen teeth... freshen breath... help prevent cavities... and kill bad breath germs for a whole mouth clean. so go beyond the brush with listerine® total care, the most complete mouthwash. now get all the benefits... without the alcohol.
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>> jimmy: hi there. we're back. zach galifianakis is here with us. primus is on the way. after 14 years of waiting, america's prayers have been answered with the return of two of our most beloved animated heroes, and it's all thanks to our next guest, who drew them and taught them to speak. brand-new episodes of "beavis and butt-head" begin this thursday night at 10:00 on mtv.
please say hello to mike judge. [ cheers and applause ] two titans of the world of animation here together on, well, two separate chairs. it's good to see you. why may i ask after 14 years, and we're, believe me, very glad to have them back, but why are you just now bringing "beavis and butt-head" back? >> well, i felt like television was getting too smart and -- no, i mean i don't know. mtv had been asking me for awhile, you know, like every year or so and then they got tired of asking but started watching this, you know, these "16 and pregnant" and "teen mom" and "jersey shore" and just hearing the voice of butt-head and beavis in my head, it just seemed like maybe it was the right time and then -- >> jimmy: they lured you back in
by putting all these ridiculous shows on the air. wow. >> yeah. it was hard to resist, yeah. >> jimmy: and beavis and butt-head are not older or smarter. they're still right where they were when we left off. >> still virgins, still really stupid, yeah. >> jimmy: uh-huh. uh-huh. it's funny because you think now about the show and think back when the show came out, and every human being was talking like beavis and butt-head. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, everyone, right? >> yeah, there was -- yeah, i used to overhear that a lot, yeah. >> jimmy: who have you met that you've been most surprised to learn was a "beavis and butt-head" fan? >> i'd say -- well, i didn't meet him, but i heard that marlon brando was way into "beavis and butt-head." johnny depp had told me that he and marlon brando were doing a movie -- i can't remember which one it was but that they would do -- marlon would be butt-head, and johnny would be beavis. i wish somebody had filmed it. >> jimmy: oh, my god, yeah, no kidding. no kidding. wow.
that -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's -- boy, i didn't even realize there was an overlap in the marlon brando era and the "beavis and butt-head" era. >> he was still alive. >> jimmy: this is before death? >> i'm sure after also. >> jimmy: have you ever been concerned that somebody was a fan like an airline pilot or something like that? >> i have a lot of pilot fans. you know, i was actually -- my younger daughter -- she's 17 now, and when she was not even 2, we had -- she had to have surgery. she's fine now. everything is good but on her tear duct. and so, you know, me and my wife at the time were all nervous, and she goes, oh, the anesthesiologist is a good fan, and i'm like, okay. wait, is that good? that might not be good. and then he turns out to be just a hard-core fan and he's just like saying that mexico episode there was two parts then they don't play that anymore, and i have it taped, and i'm just like, okay, why don't we focus on the surgery here?
>> jimmy: a lot of people were angry about the show when it first came on. i don't know why they were angry. but did you get any of that or were you under the -- >> i mean i got a lot of it. all kinds of it but -- well, actually for the most part i didn't get dragged into it. they hated mtv, but i got a voice mail once from this just deranged hillbilly guy with -- >> i apologize. [ laughter ] i just lit my acreage on fire. >> yeah, well, that would all make sense now. no, this guy was like -- he thought the name of the show was "porky's butt hole." i don't know how he got "porky's butt hole" out of "beavis and butt-head," but i still have the message. it's like -- >> oh, my god.
>> it's like a minute and a half long, and he's just like -- and this is actually -- this is where i got the voice later for a character on "king of the hill." this guy -- the message started out, i've been calling y'all for a month, and every time that "porky's butt hole" come on. [ laughter ] >> yeah. and the thing that i couldn't figure out is like this message is incomprehensible. i mean it's like -- i've listened to it a million times and still don't know what he's talking about. but what gets me is like, okay, at some point this guy like, 411, yeah, like called information. and then at some point he started going on about "porky's butt hole," and then somebody -- back then, you know, i had a voice mail at mtv. yeah, i'm going to get you mike judge, anything butt hole, you
know, went straight to me. >> jimmy: could you show us, take us through how you do beavis or butt-head or vice versa. [ cheers and applause ] >> well, okay. >> jimmy: i know everyone loves it. >> okay, so the way -- the beavis -- >> please do something from "porky's butt hole." >> yeah. hey, i think there -- what would that cartoon be, "porky's butt hole"? >> jimmy: it's up to you to figure it out. >> coming up next on abc, "porky's butt hole." yeah, the beavis voice came out of -- okay, well, it started -- there was a really nerdy kid nothing like beavis, this was in calculus class. i grew up in albuquerque, new mexico, and we had like in the middle -- well, yeah. makes even more sense. so just one -- >> remember that time i told you you were dressed as me. [ laughter and applause ]
i'm sorry. >> jimmy: do you remember this kid's name or you can't say? >> i'm not going to say right now, but we had this -- out of the blue suddenly we had this new calculus teacher who was a former dallas cowboys cheerleader, and like it was just -- there was -- it was unheard of to ever have a hot, hot teacher in albuquerque, new mexico. like nobody had ever seen that happen. >> was it a woman or a guy? [ laughter ] >> it was a -- i like your cheerleader picture. >> jimmy: he's not a big football fan. >> but, yeah, this kid just would sit in the front of the class. she never said anything funny, but he would laugh at everything. write real fast and he was like -- [ making beavis noises ] so, yeah, started with that and turned into a little like --
hey, butt-head and then butt-head just -- i looked at the drawing and was kind of like looked at it going like -- [ making butt-head sounds ] [ cheers and applause ] sounds better coming out of a cartoon. >> jimmy: no, it sounds pretty great coming out of a human being. i have to say. well, everybody is very excited about this. we have a clip here. do you need to set the clip up? >> yes, let me set up the clip. okay, so this -- in this episode beavis and butt-head, they see "twilight" and they see how girls think all vampires are sexy, and so they decide they're going to become vampires or werewolves and they see a guy who they think is a werewolf, but he's just a homeless guy, and they get him to bite them but he bites them, and it turns out he has hep c, and they think they're transforming into werewolves, but they're just getting really
sick. >> jimmy: here it is. beavis and butt-head. >> eh, eh. >> aren't we werewolves yet? >> it is working. i think the transformation is complete. >> that's nice. whoa, look at your face. >> whoa. your arms look cool. >> well, let's go get some girls. a-whoo! >> a-whoo. yeah. >> a-whoo. >> jimmy: welcome back, fellas. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. beavis and butt-head are going to be here on the show tomorrow night, as a matter of fact. mike judge. "beavis and butt-head" return thursday night at 10:00 on mtv. zach galifianakis. we'll be right back with music from primus.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ got a classic red ryder at rocky camp down in ol' hat creek lookin' for jaybirds ♪ ♪ left and right try and knock 'em up out the tree everybody i know's ♪ ♪ watchin' clint they all like watchin clint hi hi hi all the little snaps ♪ ♪ want to be like clint they all want to be like clint but i want to be ♪ ♪ like lee van cleef ya know i want to be like lee what ever happened to lee van cleef ♪ ♪ what ever happened to lee a yellow studebaker with a three-oh-two and a seat ♪
♪ of green naugahyde a couple of dings in that pickup truck a few more dents ♪ ♪ in his pride at hilltop drive-in they're watchin' clint they all like ♪ ♪ watchin' clint hi hi hi on the big screen they want to see old clint ♪ ♪ they all want to see old clint but i want to see lee van cleef ♪ ♪ ya know i like to see old lee whatever happened to lee van cleef ♪ ♪ whatever happened to lee ♪ ♪ now the studebaker's gone lee's passed on clint's still sharp as can be the hilltop drive-in is an auto mall but no one's ♪ ♪ built over lee we all get a kick out of watchin' clint we still get a kick out of clint hi ♪
♪ there ain't never been none quite like clint ♪ ♪ there's really only one clint but i really did like lee van cleef ♪ ♪ i sure did really like lee whatever happened to lee van cleef whatever happened to lee ♪ ♪ ♪ we still get a kick out of watchin' clint we still get a kick out of clint hi ♪ ♪ their ain't never been one quite like clint there's really only one clint but i always did ♪ ♪ like lee van cleef always did
like lee nobody's steely like lee van cleef ♪ ♪ whatever happened to lee don't ever forget about lee ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank zach galifianakis, i want to thank mike judge. i want to apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. tomorrow night, hugh laurie, snooki, beavis and butt-head and the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars" and this is their new album. it's call ed "green naugahyde" and playing us off the air with "jilly's on smack," see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com, once again, primus! good night. ♪