Skip to main content

We will keep fighting for all libraries - stand with us!

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 8, 2011 12:00am-1:05am EST

12:00 am
morning america," they'll be working while you rest. we're always online at jimmy kimmel up next. have a great night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- jane fonda. >> jimmy: can i fix you there? you mind if i plug you in? i put my phone number down your pants. >> dicky: russell brand. >> i have worked out to jane fonda. >> jimmy: you have? is anyone ready for some yelling? >> smile and talk at the same time you moron! >> jimmy: now the future is going to know we were
12:01 am
12:02 am
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message about nextpedition from american e prex travel. the way to turn your next trip into a customized adventure. just go to, take the online quiz to uncover your travel sign -- and then you speak with a travel specialist who will tailor your itinerary for a mystery adventure that will be revealed day-by-day, on this, your travel console. or, you can ignore my advice entirely and end up like this. oh, hello there. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: where are you, yehya? >> i am on vacation at the dude ranch. >> jimmy: and how's it going? >> i don't like it.
12:03 am
it smell very bad. >> jimmy: yes, it does. seems a little bit dangerous, too. are you enjoying riding the donkey? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah? yehya? if you had gone to -- you have to be in front. you can't get behind the donkey. you know, yehya, if you had gone to, you would have wound up in places tailored specifically to your personality. so, instead, you would have been here. >> oh my god. hawaii, i love hawaii. >> jimmy: yeah, you do. >> very good in the fresh air. >> jimmy: on a donkey in hawaii. it makes perfect sense. >> dicky: nextpedition from american express travel. take the online quiz at today. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with russell
12:04 am
brand, music from lukas nelson and promise of the real and jane fonda. 's's's's's's's new baked pasta romanas. ruffled pasta, layered with creamy fontina and asiago cheeses, and oven-baked just for you. try it with pan seared chicken with toscano tomatoes. or, try it with braised beef. for a limited time, only at olive garden. i know. this is great. you know, i feel like... did you just check the game on your phone? what? no! what am i, like some kind of summoner who can just summon footage to his phone like that? come on. i guess i'm just a little... [ grunts ] oversensitive. it's just that you and i -- yes! [ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone download 3x faster.
12:05 am
at&t. with smooth caramel and chocolate. ♪ hmm twix. also available in peanut butter. [ femala $100 cream. we were flattered when regenerist beat flabbergasted when we creamed a $500 cream. for about $30 regenerist micro-sculpting cream hydrates better than over 20 of america's most expensive luxury creams. fantastic. phenomenal. regenerist.
12:06 am
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- jane fonda. russell brand. and music from lukas nelson and promise of the real. with cleto and the cletones. and now, great news! here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you, thank you for watching at home. i appreciate that. keep -- keep clapping because it blows the smell of donkey that way. donkey in the studio.
12:07 am
hey, it's been really cold here in southern california. we've had near record-setting lows over the last few days and wind, too. a wind storm last wednesday night. those of you who are here know it was pretty intense. some people still don't have power back. more than 2,000 homes had electricity last week -- for a whole week, they haven't had electricity, which means they are unable to watch this show, which means once again i am the victim of this. [ laughter ] i try to make everything about myself. [ applause ] that's who i feel worse for, me. besides me, the hardest hit by the power outages are homeowners in pasadena. the residents there are fed up with the power company because many of them feel like their concerns aren't being heard. >> we were looking forward to coming home tonight and having a nice home-cooked italian meal. we had a ragu prepared. >> reporter: for john and his partner, it's been seven nights without power. >> the last, what, three days or so i've been really frustrated
12:08 am
because edison hasn't given us any information -- >> reporter: if that isn't. >> jimmy: if that isn't a christmas miracle, i don't know what is. meanwhile, in other parts of the country, they are flaunting their power with holiday light displays like -- this is from texas. a lunatic there put 25,000 lights on his house to create an enormous holiday tribute to the game angry birds. look at what this guy did. ♪ >> jimmy: and -- he didn't get -- the surviving pigs are living in an embassy suites.
12:09 am
that would be a fun neighbor to have, wouldn't it? there's some unusual news from the library of congress today. or maybe -- i don't know, maybe this happened awhile ago. i read about this today. the library of congress has partnered with twitter to store every tweet ever posted in their archive of historical documents. so, this is what congress is doing? [ laughter ] the dewey decimal system just shot itself. the library of congress is home to some of the most important documents in history including the declaration of independence, the constitution and now it will also include tweets from gretchen44, who likes strawberry balsalmic vinegar on her salad. now the future was going to know we were dumb because of this. now our great-grandchildren will be able to relive that moment when ashton kutcher got excited about the can of whoop-ass iowa opened against michigan. i feel like twitter and the
12:10 am
library of congress should have given us a heads up. i've tweeted very stupid things and i do not want to be remembered for those. but the library of congress is excited. they called twitter a unique record of our time and they are promoting this partnership online. >> come and explore the library of congress, where you can read original letters from george washington. >> i can clearly foresee that nothing but the roofting out of slavery can perpetuate the existence of our union. >> speeches from tedy roosevelt. >> a man whop is good enough to shed his blood for the country is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards. >> reporter: and tweets from kim kardashian. >> can't get my boot off and i'm all by myself. don't know what to do. lol. i need someone to pull it off. been trying for 20 minutes. >> the library of congress. what the hell happened to us? >> jimmy: she can't get her boot off? i need to know the ending of
12:11 am
that story. there you go. kim kardashian is in a library. finally. you know -- [ laughter ] we have a big day on january 2nd here at abc, with the return of "the bachelor." bachelor ben who was rejected last season by the bachelorette, gets to hand the roses out this time around. somehow "entertainment weekly" got ahold of a promo. i don't know if they stole it or what happened, but while i was not particularly excited about another season of "the bachelor," after seeing this, i am now. >> one girl here who is very different around you than she is around the lest of the girls. >> go [ bleep ] yourself. >> she's manipulating everybody. >> where's courtney? >> i don't know. >> girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. i can't believe this is happening. >> about to rock your world. >> no! >> game over, ladies. >> i don't know how to handle this right now.
12:12 am
i'm unsure of how this is going to end. >> it's really hard to be around some of these girls. >> she makes me sick. >> there's so much [ bleep ] in here. >> who is she? >> we just can't stand being around you. [ laughter ] >> no way. >> it's not over. it's just beginning. >> jimmy: well, they got a little bit of everything this year. [ applause ] meanwhile, mtv is gearing up for the fifth season of "jersey shore." or maybe it's the sixth season of "celebrity rehab." i'm not sure. but i for one am glad the show is coming back. i play a fun drinking game while i watch "jersey shore." every time i'm filled with despair for humanity, i drink. and i wind up pretty loaded at
12:13 am
the end. they released a trailer today. i don't know why they need a trailer. we know what's going to happen. drink, drink, punch, drink, punch, cry, tan, then somebody screams "jersey bitches" and then they dance, right? i would like to see them solve a crime just once. [ applause ] "jersey shore" has been on for five seasons, show no, sir signs of sloefing down. i can't help but wonder what it will look like in the future. we took the audio from it and combined it with video from the jetsons and the future is now. >> you should make out with, like, four boys tonight. >> see ya. okay, bye. >> i'm thinking about not drinking tonight. just kidding! hey! >> look. that's what you wanteded to show me? don't show your ass to
12:14 am
everybody? >> would you bang me? >> bent over and sideways. >> i look like a jersey skank, i love it. >> jimmy: get a virus on their hard drive tonight. hey -- [ applause ] there was a scary accident during a taping of the discovery show "miyth busters." a couple of guys, adam and jamie, they conduct elaborate science experiments to debunk or prove commonly held beliefs. they were measures the speed at which a cannon ball comes out of a cannon and it turns out they come out very fast. >> the cannon bam was shot from a range in california. it misfired and went off the hill, it went through the house then into although neighborhood, landed on a mini van. after all that, thankfully, nobody was hurt. i've seen that show, it's fascinating what was the myth they were trying to bust? >> jimmy: it's still going. [ applause ]
12:15 am
people in houses -- what would -- people in houses must have thought they were being attacked by pirates, right? in other science-related news, from time to time, we are alerted to interesting scientific studies and i like to fill our viewers in on them. it's time now for "this week in science." >> this week in science. >> smoking can make your nipples fall off. >> good work, scientists. now, back to aids. >> jimmy: you think the surgeon general would have warned us about that. i guess it's good news for people with three nipples. is anyone here finished with their holiday shopping already? kill him! [ laughter ] i don't mind the holiday shoching as much as i do the wrapping of the holiday gifts. i'm not good at it and it doesn't make sense to me. you buy your kid or wife like eight, ten gifts, you have to wrap them. why not just wrap the head of the person you're giving it to?
12:16 am
let them unwrap that and they see what they got. [ laughter ] i'm not a -- [ applause ] oh, thank you for your support. when i'm wrapping gifts, there is always an open patch and then i have to cut a rectangle out and tape the rectangle over it. i'm just not good at it. not many people are. tonight, we asked aunt chippy for help. she's good at wrapping gifts. i asked her to demonstrate the basics for us. i want to apologize in advance for our director brad who was very rude during this. is everybody ready for some yelling? here's aunt chip pip wipy with tips. >> hi, this is aunt chippy and welcome to chip's tips. we're going to wrap a present today. let's see -- >> cut. one more time. >> [ bleep ] box we got. not even something i can, like, steal. >> camera, action. >> hi, this is aunt chippy and chip's tips --
12:17 am
>> wait, let's do it again. welcome to chip's tips. energy, energy. and camera. >> hi, this is aunt -- >> i didn't say action. let's do it again. i need an action. can you rotate the box please? rotate it again. keep going. keep going. keep going. one more. no, no, no. the other way. >> the sides are the same! that's just about good. and we're going to cut the son of a bitch as soon as we can cut it. i can't believe i haven't got scissors that -- >> chippy, no, no, cut -- that's not going to work. cut it so it looks nice. supposed to be a nice-looking package. >> let me tell you something. this couldn't cut anything. >> maybe it's the way you're holding them? >> i know how to cut with scissors. you want me to try a circumcision on you? it will hurt like a son of a bitch. >> go to the top. >> you mean to tell me we
12:18 am
haven't got a scissors that can cut something? >> they should be fine. let's get another pair. >> thank you. and we're going to cut it to size. >> cut! no, that's not going to work. >> that's it. got to be an easier way to make a living. i could mug somebody and do better than this. >> turn the box just a tiny little bit. >> we're going to have tape, we're going to tape it up -- oh, my god. we'll never have christmas at this -- >> chippy, what's up with the tape here? >> i don't know, everything's backwards or ass ways or something. there ain't [ bleep ] in the box except a piece of tissue paper. [ bleep ] scissors that don't work and tape that's double-sided tape. >> why don't you just ask for regular tape then? >> i asked for regular scissors and couldn't get them. this doesn't work, either.
12:19 am
>> they're not working? >> you got to be freaking kidding me. >> okay, so, let's rotate the box again. >> oh, my god! >> okay, ready? smile. lots of energy. that's a fake smile. get a real smile. come on. >> i ran out of real smiles about eight minutes ago. >> come on. energy here. >> hi, hi, shut up. >> i need a smile. you have to show me that you're ready. >> tell me when you want the [ bleep ] action part. >> jump up and down, get the energy going. up and down. >> how many times have you told you that 72-year-old women don't jump up and down? >> why are you being so difficult about this? >> i am not up and down. my energy level is as high as it's going to get and it's leaving town shortly. >> are you ready? >> i'm exhausted. >> let's do it. here we go. lots of energy, just like that. >> oh, shut up. this is aunt chippy -- >> i need -- >> i don't care.
12:20 am
>> i need a smile. >> we want it to match. we don't want it to look crummy. >> keep smiling. >> you can't smile and talk at the same time, you moron. >> smile! >> you know what? wrap your own [ bleep ] presents. merry [ bleep ] christmas. i'm out of here. good-bye. >> no, no. >> jimmy: and a happy hanukkah, too. we have a good show for you tonight. russell brand is here. we have music from lukas nelson and promise of the real. and we'll be right back with jane fonda, so stick around. do your lashes want volume or length?
12:21 am
12:22 am
how about both? with covergirl lashblast fusion. our biggest brush meets our fiberstretch formula for a blast of volume and length. lashblast fusion. from easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl. you've got to try the new sizzling entrees. [ sizzling ] [ male announcer ] fresh flavor never sounded so good. ok, i'll have that. [ male announcer ] applebee's new sizzling entrees are here. so come try our juicy new double barrel whisky sirloins, topped with caramelized onions and mushrooms, and served over handmade garlic mashed potatoes. there's also our sizzling cajun steak and shrimp, and more. new sizzling entrees starting at $8.99. come taste what's new in the neighborhood. only at applebee's. now serving half-price appetizers late night.
12:23 am
12:24 am
>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tom on the show, a very funny gentleman, who, on sunday,
12:25 am
headlines a very interesting charity show here in los angeles called "love x-change," russell brand is here. and then, with music from this album, called "promise of the real," lukas nelson and promise of the real from the bud light stage. lukas nelson is willie nelson's son, which means they're related. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by -- who is on the show tomorrow night? jeremy renner, judy greer and we'll hear music from chevelle, so join us then, too. our first guest tonight is an oscar, emmy and golden globe-winning actress who is part of a hollywood dynasty that, at one time, rivaled even that of the kardashians. she has two new fitness dvds -- "jane fonda: prime time trim, tone and flex" and "prime time firm and burn." please say hello to jane fonda. [ cheers and applause ]
12:26 am
>> jimmy: look at you. you look unbelievable. you must have a deal with the devil. this can't just be -- >> i do. >> jimmy: this has to be an arrangement with satan. >> i sold my soul. >> jimmy: you have a -- you have a birthday in two weeks and is it rude to bring that up? >> no. >> jimmy: how old you will be in two weeks? >> 74. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amazing. but the really good one is next. my birthday is winter solstice. my mike just fell off. december 21st, the shortest day of the year. next year, 2012, on the 21st of december, i turn 75. it happens to be, according to the mayan calendar, the time when all of the global cosmic paradigm is going to shift. i think for the good. i think everything is going to get better. >> jimmy: i can't imagine things will happen for good. >> i really do. >> jimmy: can i fix you there? do you mind if i plug you in?
12:27 am
i think -- [ cheers and applause ] i think it's on. there we go. there we go. i think it's working. >> thank you. you know something, it's true. my facebook friends sent me a lot of messages today saying, watch out for him, because you're a flirt. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah. well, i put my phone number down your pants. [ laughter ] if you don't mind. now, these videos, how long ago -- you did this, the first video how long ago? >> i think we filmed it in '80 or '81. no one had ever done it. you have to understand, there was no video industry because it cost too much to buy the hardware. and so when this guy stewart carl said, you want to turn your book into a video, i said no. and he persuaded me to do it. and it launched the video industry. >> jimmy: do you work out along
12:28 am
with yourself? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you do? >> that's got to be a little odd. >> we had no idea what we were doing. we had to do hundreds of takes. it took weeks. we had one camera. i remember writing a vistscript the floor of a hotel room. and now, there's so many. >> jimmy: there are a lot. >> three cameras and the lights are great and you don't have to think, you have a thing in your ear. >> jimmy: you created an industry of its own. >> i did. >> jimmy: and everybody does it and they should give you a piece of the money. >> nobody does it for older people. that's -- my thing femme out again. and you didn't put your number in there. >> jimmy: it's in there. [ laughter ] you have to go a little deeper. now, i want -- mention something, i have some lyric pierce. a rapper named mickey avalon -- >> yeah, i know him. sean penn brought him to my house. we had a christmas party and he and i did the jane fonda together. >> jimmy: he wrote a song called
12:29 am
"jane fonda." not only him, but you know, shake that thing, more junk in the trunk than a honda, i know you want to do the jane fonda. >> don't keep going. >> jimmy: i won't. we looked into it and you are -- you are referenced in socks by mary j. blige, goes face killah and sir mix a lot, probably most famously, rhyming your name with anaconda, which -- is a classic. why do you think -- >> the one that i'm really proud of is bob seger. i'm a big fan, remember, and the silver bullet band. and there was a song called "her strut." they like to watch her butt. i mean, it was really cool and i heard him say on an interview it was about me. >> jimmy: wow, that is great. was really happy about that. >> jimmy: and yet a little bit disturbing, maybe. bob might be parked outside your house in a mini van. >> i wish.
12:30 am
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: watching what's going on. i heard you like to go fly fishing. >> i do. >> jimmy: i love that, too. >> you do? >> jimmy: yes, i do. how often do you go? >> i haven't done it for awhile, but all the important men in my life were fishermen. my father, my first husband, my second husband. when we got divorced, i learned how 0 fly fish and then along came captain america, ted turner. but he owns all the rivers and he trains the fish. he trains the fish so, you know, you can catch them. i got good because, you know, the thing about fly fishing, it's really hard. you know. you do it. you have to do it a lot to get good. i'm good. >> jimmy: you have good? you do it a lot? >> yeah. >> jimmy: fly fishing, of course. i don't want to get personal. >> should we go -- >> jimmy: when i say do you do it a lot, i mean fly fishing is what i'm saying. >> i know. both. >> jimmy: both.
12:31 am
okay. is it done on the video? [ applause ] >> ted came with me to my ranch, right down riverer from my, val kilmer had a ranch. ted said, there's not a lot of nutrients in your river, you have to put feeders up. i have 17 feeders. they stay at my place. they don't go down to val's. and they're big, man. you should -- come fishing. >> jimmy: touch my leg, i'll do anything you want. [ laughter ] >> fly fish. but it's catch and release. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. that's all i would do. oh, no. [ laughter ] now they're making up their own jokes. we're going to take a quick break here. >> why? >> jimmy: we have commercials. but we'll be back shortly with jane fonda. she's here. two new fitness dvds. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] an lg smart tv, lg optimus cell phone
12:32 am apology card. this is ridiculous. yeah, and it's got apps. nice. it's got vudu, twitter, facebook. no honey, not facebook. ♪ honey, you think my sweater's horrendous? cats don't skate. i think it kicks butt. [ male announcer ] get low prices on the gifts they love, like lg tvs with the latest technology. backed by our christmas price guarantee. save money. live better. walmart.
12:33 am
[ male announcer ] don't miss red lobster's surf & turf. 3 grilled combinations all under $20. like our maine lobster with peppercorn sirloin, or our new bacon-wrapped shrimp with blue cheese sirloin for $14.99. i'm john mazany and i sea food differently. for others, it's somethingelong discovered yesterday. for $14.99. we all have things that speak to us. they drive us to get up early, and stay up late.
12:34 am
getting lost in the things we love has never felt quite like this.
12:35 am
12:36 am
step together, now left. step together. step touch. woo. and the arms. guess who i'm paying homage to?
12:37 am
my friend john that vravolta, "saturday night fivever." do it again. >> jimmy: now i see why the hip hop community has embraced you. john go jane fonda is here. >> that's the thing, people who are out of shape, never worked out, 70 years old, can do. >> jimmy: every person on the video is in good shape, though. >> well, it's all, you know, it's relative. but they're real people. they're not like buff people. >> jimmy: you rehearse with them and get them, they learn the moves? because i couldn't do any of the moves even if i played it over and over again and i also think, with a dvd with seniors, you know, i don't think the problem would be as much getting them to work out as getting them to work the dvd player. [ laughter ] that seems to be the challenge for me with my family. >> i know what you mean. they're already best sellers. they are. >> jimmy: all right. well, so, people -- well, they
12:38 am
don't need to buy them then, right? we dug up your first video. it's on vhs. and you can see -- please rewind. [ applause ] there you are. in am impossible position. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you still have that outfit? >> yeah, i found it in storage the other day and i worked out with kathie lee gifford and another woman on "the today show" the other day. >> jimmy: and you wore that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: the original one? that's a great commercial for your thing. you can still wear the same thing. >> right. >> jimmy: this is a little bit offtopic but i was told that you at one time went skinny dipping with michael jackson. >> i did, yes. and greta garbo. >> jimmy: together? >> no, no. >> jimmy: what kind of crazy pool was that? how did this happen and when? >> well, michael was a friend of mip a mine and he done me a bunch of favors and he called one in.
12:39 am
he wanted to become a movie actor. he had just done "the wiz." he lived with me. my family went back to l.a. and he stayed with me and we went skinny dipping. >> jimmy: whose idea was that? >> i don't remember. [ laughter ] it was -- no moon out. i couldn't really see. he sort of disappeared into the darkness. >> jimmy: he turns into a wolf sometimes in the dark. you have to be careful. at that time, he was, what -- >> it was before he made the changes. >> jimmy: he was, like, 20 years old? >> no, he was older than that. i think he'd done -- i don't remember, but he still, you know, that adorable face of his. he hadn't done the "thriller." >> jimmy: you are naked together? >> in new hampshire. >> jimmy: in new hampshire. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and -- wow. you're lucky tmz wasn't around back then. [ laughter ] >> it was great. >> jimmy: is it true that kareem
12:40 am
abdul-jabbar taught you to do yoga? >> he told me that the reason he hardly ever got injured is because he did yoga. he took me to the studio, the hot yoga that was being taught in la bbrea. >> jimmy: they steam up the room. did he wear the goggles? seems like it would be hard for him to see. [ laughter ] >> yeah, it was cool. it was good. >> jimmy: i tell you what. it's great to meet you. and -- >> good to meet you. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. if you are looking to work out, these are the videos. jan fonda, everybody. we'll be right back with russell brand. beauty, huh? it's dependable. long-lasting, too. yeah, i could really use this silverado. i'm a big hunter. oh, what do you hunt? deer. fish. fantastic.
12:41 am
♪ this holiday, chevy's giving more. now qualified buyers can get 0% apr for 72 months on a 2011 chevy silverado. or 0% apr financing for 60 months plus no monthly payments until spring. ♪ 1-2-3-4 ♪ there's a battery that's relied on to help bring children holiday joy. of course, children don't really think about which battery makes their toy run, but, still, you'd never want to disappoint. duracell. trusted everywhere. can boldly satisfy any craving. share an appetizer, then choose two chili's entrees, like our classic bacon burger or our famous slow-smoked baby back ribs.
12:42 am
chili's $20 dinner for two. i think you're really gonna love it.t wait for you to open this. i really think i'm gonna love it to.t to open it. i can not wait. i can't wait to open it. my, my hands are shaking. i'm so excited, i'm so excited... my whole body is vibrating with anticipation. open it, please!
12:43 am
open it, you should open it, i'll open it. no, no.
12:44 am
12:45 am
yoohoo, hi. i noticed you used the largest cash back card... why is that? they give me 5% cash back at
12:46 am
department stores this quarter. but only on up to $300 worth of merchandise. so the most you can earn is $15 dollars. chase freedom also gives you 5% cash back at department stores this quarter but on up to $1,500 worth of purchases. that is $75. that's 5 times more! woo. get your cash back. activate today at you could spend as much as $200. olay says challenge that with an instrument that cleanses as effectively as what's sold by skin professionals for a whole lot less. new olay pro x advanced cleaning system. 's's's's's new baked pasta romanas. these warm hearty creations
12:47 am
are only here for a limited time. ruffled lasagnette pasta, layered with creamy fontina and asiago cheeses with roasted garlic and oven baked just for you. try it topped with pan-seared chicken and toscano tomatoes. or with slow-cooked beef braised in a chianti wine sauce. both served with our unlimited fresh salad or homemade soup and warm breadsticks. get together tonight at olive garden. when you're here, you're family. cigarette? you coming? umm, nah you go ahead. i'm good. alright. ♪ [ male announcer ] every time you say no to a cigarette, you celebrate a little win. nicorette mini helps relieve cravings in minutes.
12:48 am
so you can quit one cigarette at a time. nicorette mini helps you go from one little win to another. until you reach your goal. nicorette mini. quit one cigarette at a time. nicorette mini. and even though you do what you can to take care of it, sometimes you want to give your immune system some support. try new airborne chewable tablets. each serving contains 14 vitamins, minerals and herbs... including zinc, echinacea, ginger, and a blast of vitamin c. it's the easy, great-tasting way to help support your immune system. airborne. in fast-acting effervescent formula, and new super-convenient chewable tablets!
12:49 am
12:50 am
>> jimmy: well, hi, everyone. welcome back. our next guest is a very funny guy whom you know from "forgetting sarah marshall," "get him to the greek" and "arthur." this sunday night, he headlines a charity show called "love x-change" at the wiltern theater here in los angeles. please welcome russell brand. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? you look like you're in good shape. you have done any jane fonda workouts? >> i have worked out to jane fonda. >> jimmy: you have? [ laughter ]
12:51 am
hence your muscles. >> this one's all withered. but this thing's like popeye. it's -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know you've just been -- you did a big tour of colleges across the united states, doing standup comedy. is that your first experience with american colleges, american college life? >> yes. and i was confused by it. >> jimmy: why were you confused by it? >> well, i thought it would be like that film "the social network", like geniuses dreaming up billionaire ideas or it would be like "animal house," ferocious acts of revelry and putting bras on over their clothes. but it was not that. it was sororities which is a free brothel. >> jimmy: really? [ laughter ] that would be a delight fful pie
12:52 am
of news. >> if your daughter is joining a sorority, weep for her. >> jimmy: really? why do you say that? were you accosted by sorority girls? >> they invite me to come to their homes. but due to my marital status, i was unable to take them up. >> jimmy: bad timing. really is. >> isn't it a shame, jimmy that we have not mastered time travel? [ laughter ] just for that reason. just to go back in time to commit atrocity. have sex with caveman women. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: or just cavewomen, i don't know. >> you monster! what are you doing with a cavewoman? you're an animal. no, no, no. >> jimmy: you mentioned your marital status. last time you were here, you were single and now you are married to katy perry. you guys did about interesting
12:53 am
thing, i thought. you got tattoos together. >> yeah. >> jimmy: just as the pilgrims did. >> i did it to honor them. >> jimmy: why did you do this and whose idea was it? >> hers. it is always her idea. she is always scribbling permanent things on my body for a laugh. and i'm allowing it to happen. look at this bloody thing. i at least had the common sense to, like, do the football team. i support west hall in england and then in the background, a tribute, like, this being in the background, the candy cane swirl that defines her as threatic ideology. >> jimmy: it's a combination of katy and your favorite soccer team? >> the only thing i can make this thing not be an act of a sissy, carve a football thing into my flesh. that's what i've done. >> jimmy: that's what you did. and what did she get? >> a little peppermint thing.
12:54 am
>> jimmy: nothing to do with you? >> nothing to do with me. everything to do with her. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about the charity show. i think this is interesting. because people cannot buy tickets to this event. true? >> i've decided, jimmy, at long last, to finally subvert capitalism. >> jimmy: you're the one that's doing it? >> at last. yeah, what is it, it's putting on a charity show in l.a. you can't buy a ticket with money. if you want to come, you have to donate two hours of your time to one of six charities and then we send you the ticket. so, instead of money, you do kindness. >> jimmy: that's great. [ applause ] and you take them on their word that they will deliver the two hours? >> what? >> jimmy: you take them at their word that they will deliver the two hours? >> there was always a flaw in this idea, kimmel. yeah, we can't go around their houses with weapons, go, did you help the animal alliance? >> jimmy: uh-huh. the animal alliance is one of the charities.
12:55 am
but even the animal alliance as a charity, is that a good thing? do we want all the animals getting together. >> jimmy: no. "jumanji." don't pick that one. >> don't help them. >> jimmy: are you doing this to maybe give back for -- i know you went through rough times in your life, is it something, you are making amends? >> i like to see this as a journey of atonement. i do these things because of all the time i spent being divisive to the animal kingdom, lying to -- saying to a bear, a lion, say it looks fat. get the animals back together now. no, yeah, it is in a way of an act of atonement. you can help habitat for humanity. build houses for people. build it yourself. that's dangerous. animal alliance.
12:56 am
that's making lions be friends with kowalas or getting an owl o grab a monkey and lick it. l.a. food bank. you have packaged foods and distribute it to people who don't have enough. the most -- that's if you are -- say you have some sort of special skill, like you are really good at playing the harp or painting, you two and help a child in the hospital, you go there and ponce about with the kid. oh, look at me doing a painting. that's a good one. friendly house. that's for women in crisis. women with drugs and alcohol problems, because god knows i've given enough women drugs and alcohol problems in the past. [ applause ] >> jimmy: how can people go about doing this? >> if you are a person, and you must be, otherwise, how did you understand that? >> jimmy: again, but the animal alliance being slighted again here. >> angry! that's "planet of the apes."
12:57 am
sorry. what it is is, you go onto my facebook page, yes, i would like to go to the tee they are and see this thing and then you pick the charity. and then you actually do the charity work. >> jimmy: that would be nice. >> there's no way of us knowing. >> jimmy: there's a special place in hell for people that do that sort of thing. >> imagine you lie to a charity in a way. that's like kicking away tiny tim's crutch. that's like abusing a lame orph orphan. >> jimmy: and who else is on the show with you? >> sarah silverman. >> jimmy: heard of her. >> you know her? >> jimmy: yep. >> she's going to introduce me and i'll come out. i have to write jokes. >> jimmy: come up with something. maybe the animals can help. >> once they've formed an alliance i think they're going to be useful to me. >> jimmy: russell brand, everybody. his "love x-change" show sunday night here in l.a. for tickets, go to his facebook page and sign up right there. we'll be right back with lukas nelson and promise of the
12:58 am
real. ♪
12:59 am
1:00 am
okay, so who ordered the cereal that can help lower cholesterol and who ordered the yummy cereal? yummy. that's yours. lower cholesterol. lower cholesterol. i'm yummy. lower cholesterol. i got that wrong didn't i? [ male announcer ] want great taste? honey nut cheerios. want whole grain oats that can help lower cholesterol? honey nut cheerios. it's a win win. good? [ crunching, sipping ] be happy. be healthy. can i try yours? >> jimmy: this is their cd. it's called "promise of the real." here with the song "start to go," lukas nelson and promise of the real. ♪
1:01 am
♪ deep thinkin' hard drinkin' no feelin' ain't seen tomorrow yet ♪ ♪ no sleepin' till you're six feet sinkin no food till summer lets ♪ ♪ i'm lovin all the good people runnin' from the life i left behind i don't mind if you ♪ ♪ treat me unkind cause i'm leavin' all the time ♪ ♪ and ahh you never get too far ahh no matter who you are until you start to go ♪ ♪ until you start to go sweet dreaming is the one thing screaming from the pages of her soul ♪ ♪ she's so heavy but
1:02 am
she thinks she's ready to escape the world she knows ♪ ♪ and ahh you never get too far ahh no matter who you are until you start to go ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ now don't tell me that i gotta think heavy 'cause my mind don't bend that way ♪ ♪ i walk steady with
1:03 am
my guitar ready no reason i should stay ♪ ♪ life is just like a ripple from the trickle of a raindrop on the sea it keeps running ♪ ♪ till the sun starts coming then it burns away like weed and ah you never get too far ♪ ♪ ah no matter who you are ah you never get too far ♪ ♪ ah no matter who you are until you start to go ♪
1:04 am
♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank jane fonda. i want to thank russell brand. i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, jeremy renner, judy greer and music from chevelle. this is their album. it's called "promise of the real." playing us off the air with "don't lose your mind" -- see the full performance at -- once again, lukas nelson and promise of the real. good night!


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on