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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 21, 2011 12:00am-1:05am EST

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: my first guest, an nba hall of famer and basketball analyst for the emmy award-winning "inside the nba." the nba season starts christmas day where you can watch the boston celtics versus the new york knicks. who's got that? celtics? [ light applause ] well, you're real excited about the game. [ laughter ] anyway, it's on tnt. anyway, please welcome sir charles barkley! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jay: look at you. you're a rail, baby. what is it? you lost a lot of weight.
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>> i'm getting there, jay. i'm getting there. slowly, but surely. >> jay: how much have you lost? >> 50 total. >> jay: wow. 50 total. [ cheers and applause ] >> and i gotta give a plug. i've lost 35 on weight watchers. i really -- >> jay: okay. all, right. that's right. you're the new spokesman, right? for weight -- you're the first guy? i'm trying to think. >> i am the first guy. i feel good about that. you know, me and jennifer hudson. >> jay: oh, you and jennifer hudson? okay. >> yeah. you know, they just wanted to get a couple of good looking people to advertise their product. [ laughter ] >> jay: right, right, right. yeah. so, how does this work? do you go after them? do they come to you? how do you get this kind of gig? >> jay, i don't think fat people go looking out for fat stuff. [ laughter ] >> jay: i don't know. i mean, do they stop you in the street? i mean, how does this work? >> well, you know, i actually had had opportunities to do other products, to be honest with you. but, i don't think you can give
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a fat person a little meal -- >> jay: right. >> -- and think they're not gonna cheat. >> jay: right. right. [ laughter ] >> i just don't believe that. the thing i like about weight watchers. number one, i eat regular food. >> jay: you >> but, i'm learning to eat vegetables. i did not eat vegetables or fruit. >> jay: okay. >> and on our program, fruit is free, and most vegetables don't count. >> jay: oh, okay. now, even when you were playing you didn't eat vegetables? >> i did not. i ate rice, corn and potatoes. >> jay: oh, okay. [ light laughter ] >> and jay, not like you knew this, those are starches. >> jay: yeah. all right. [ laughter ] now during the holiday, what do you do? with christmas and everything coming, do you cheat then? >> no, you can't really cheat -- >> jay: remember, you're under oath. >> i know. [ laughter ] well, first of all, i just -- you know, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, you know, things like that, asparagus. >> jay: just shoot me in the head right now. that sounds horrible. [ laughter ] >> you know, jay, i'd never had any of those things? and i'm not gonna sit here and lie to you and tell you they're good -- [ laughter ]
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-- but -- >> jay: yeah. >> but, they're all right. >> jay: you know something? [ cheers and applause ] i'll tell you this. you know what to do? like the cauliflower or the other thing? if you deep fry it, it's delicious. >> you know -- you know what's funny? i have an event in alabama every year to try to get people to eat better. and i was actually one of the fat asses trying to get the other fat asses to lose weight. [ laughter ] and the weight watchers people -- the weight watchers people came down there, and the first thing they said to me, "all of the vegetables are fried." i said, "see? welcome to my world." [ laughter ] >> jay: right, right. wow. >> but, it's coming, jay. i took a little glass of water -- >> jay: okay. look at the ad -- this is very aggressive campaign. look at -- that's one ad. "lose like a guy who hates losing." you know, we put together -- [ applause ] we put together some ads maybe to help -- maybe the same kind of campaign. what do you think of this one? "he's lost more weight than he's lost nba finals."
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>> oh! oh! [ audience oohs ] >> jay: i know! you don't have to go with that one. how about this? how about this? "on the moon he only weighs 48 pounds." [ laughter ] that's positive! [ applause ] >> well, first of all, you already killed me and said the fat, jolly guy comes once a a year. and then you show my golf swing on television. [ laughter ] >> jay: this is the one i think will work. "jenny craig can kiss my black ass." [ laughter ] how's that? is that good? [ cheers and applause ] you want to go with that one? >> i like that. >> jay: that's what i'm saying. >> i like that one. >> jay: now, dwight -- dwight howard was here the other day. >> he thinks he's funny. >> jay: well, he was actually -- he did an impression of you, the people laughed and laughed. >> he thinks he's funny. >> jay: yeah. >> i won't say he's funny as his team. [ audience oohs ] >> jay: well, here. here is doing you. take a look.
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>> jay: can you give me some barkley? some charles barkley. >> listen, listen -- lebron james. [ laughter and applause ] listen, listen, listen -- kobe bryant -- kobe bryant is the -- kobe bryant is the best player. the rim is shaped like a a doughnut. i'll dunk it, eat it, anyway -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: not bad. >> you know what? i like him so much i'm going to give him a pass. >> jay: you're gonna give him a a pass? like, is there any people that do you and just get irritated by. i don't like it when that guy does it. >> no, frank caliendo does a a good job. what i hate more than anything in the world, jay. >> jay: mm-hmm. >> every fat black guy who's bald -- >> jay: yeah. >> -- comes up to me and say they look like me. [ laughter ] >> jay: yeah. >> listen, i am not -- i'm talking 50 to 100-- every fat, black guy who's bald -- and i'll be thinking, damn -- clearly, i'm not as good looking as i think i am. [ laughter and applause ]
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>> jay: look, we'll take a a break. when we come back we'll talk politics. hey, remember, jenny craig. more with charles right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ woman ] my boyfriend and i were going on vacation, so i used my citi thank you card to pick up some accessories. a new belt. some nylons. and what girl wouldn't need new shoes? we talked about getting a diamond. but with all the thank you points i've been earning... ♪ ♪ ...i flew us to the rock i really had in mind. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] the citi thank you card. earn points you can use for travel on any airline with no blackout dates.
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[ sighs ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ lasers ] ♪ ♪ [ cash register dings ] [ clang
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] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] it all starts with a windows 7 pc. ♪ ♪ so, if the mint makes this hot chocolate cool, does the mint hot chocolate make me cool? not really. the new mint hot chocolate from dunkin' donuts. grab the cool sensation of mint today.
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♪ jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the -- ♪ ♪ oh, what fun it is to... ♪ get in the spirit with dunkin's holiday coffees and lattes. try peppermint mocha gingerbread, or new cinnamon swirl today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: welcome back. talking with charles barkley. i know you were talking about running for office for a while. i know you like politics. you've been following these debates, what do you think? >> jay, let me just say this. [ light laughter ] as a democrat who loves the
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president, i am down right giddy. [ cheers ] there ain't no way we can lose to them idiots. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: but, i remember -- you used -- when you were heavier you were republican, weren't you? >> i said i was rich like a a republican. >> jay: oh, i see. [ laughter ] >> jay, i'm a big president obama fan. i vote democratic because i think they do a better job of taking care of people who are less fortunate. >> jay: mm-hmm, okay. >> but -- [ applause ] man, listen -- >> jay: do you think they're too hard on president obama? >> if you disagree with every single thing a person says, of course, you are. i think if the president shot himself they'd complain he only shot himself once. [ light laughter ] they disagree with every single thing that he wants to do. but, it's none of those -- they dug up newt gingrich. come on now. [ laughter6] come on.
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>> jay: have you talked to him about going on weight watchers? >> well, after he loses the election, i'm gonna get him on weight watchers. >> jay: yeah. >> yeah. [ applause ] >> jay: now tnt added a new member to the show. tell us about it. shaq is on your show. >> speaking of weight watchers. [ audience ohs ] >> jay: yeah. oh, and i like the pause. "and speaking of weight watchers," yeah. >> you know what? me and shaq are gonna have so much fun together. >> jay: yeah. >> i mean, he -- first of all, he's a great friend. i think he's going to be great on television. we're excited to have him. >> jay: well, how about the promo? it looked like he took a little shot at you. take a look at the promo. ♪ ♪ i hope i get to you before they do cause that's how i planned it ♪ ♪ with twiddley dee i'm twiddley dum look out baby 'cause here i come ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: twiddley dumb? had you seen that before? >> i had seen that before. and that's the people who work with tnt taking a shot at me because i take a lot of shots at them at work. that's okay. i'll take that.
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welcome shaq. [ laughter ] you know, shaq's been retired for three years. i'm glad he's finally came to television. >> jay: yeah, were you guys always so friendly? 'cause i don't remember -- >> we've always been friends. >> really? >> yep. >> jay: well, i've got some footage here. explain what's happening here. [ inaudible ] >> jay: now are you guys making love there? what's going on? [ laughter ] >> that's just -- look there, see, i didn't think he was gonna take a shot at me. he did. you heard the announcer said shaquille o'neal threw the first -- see i think -- when he pushed me -- >> wow! [ scattered applause ] >> you see -- listen, if y'all take a good look at that, you
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see how he throws his hands? that's the same way he shoot his free throws. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] he missed the target. >> jay: hey, what'd you think of the clippers/lakers game the other night? were you stunned? >> you know -- no, not really. i'm excited for chris paul because he's a great player. and if the clippers finally have a good team -- are they better than the lakers? i don't think so right now, but they've got a bright future. they have a bright future. i'm happy he's in l.a. he wanted to be in a big city. good luck to him. >> jay: now how about miami? you think they can pull it together? >> i'm not sure -- miami's got chicago. miami, chicago are the two best teams in the east. >> jay: yeah. >> i like boston, but they can't win without jeff green. >> jay: okay. >> but, chicago and miami are the two best teams in the east. >> jay: let me ask you about kobe, just a mental part of the game. okay, you're going through a a divorce, people talking about it in the news. i mean, it obviously affected tiger woods' game when he got divorced. is it the same thing with kobe? do you think this will -- like
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they were saying the reason they got the divorce, other players' wives told vanessa -- you know what i mean? so, is trust lost among the teammates? >> that's never good for a a team. [ light laughter ] >> jay: right. well, you know what i'm saying. >> i'm just saying that's never good for a team, jay. you know, you keep the wives girlfriends away from each other. that can't ever -- [ laughter ] >> jay: that's not what i was saying. [ scattered applause ] >> i'm just telling you. that's never positive. i wish -- you know what? i really like kobe bryant. i wish him the best. of course, anybody -- because, you know, the fans are cruel. >> jay: right. >> they're gonna be shouting stuff at him. >> jay: right. >> he's gonna have to deal with that. but, he's so strong mentally, i think he'll be fine. >> jay: okay. [ applause ] now, tim tebow's the big football story. >> yeah. >> jay: are you a fan of his? >> i'm a fan of tebow's, but i'm tebowed out. >> jay: are you tebowed out? [ light laughter ] >> i like tim tebow. i wish him the best, but man, there's other things happening in the world. what's my man with the perm who
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just died. kim jong-il. [ laughter ] >> jay: i know you two were very close. yeah. >> i always told president -- i say, "man, listen, quit messing with the dude who got a perm because any man got a perm in 2011, you know something's wrong right there." [ laughter and applause ] >> jay: i never thought of it like that. >> yeah. >> jay: who do you got in that celtics versus knicks game? >> i think the knicks will win that game. i'm looking forward to that game because the knicks are better with tyson chandler. >> jay: okay. >> but, i'd like the knicks to win that game. >> jay: okay, well, see, i'm from boston, so you'll probably lose. but, that's okay. >> good luck, jay. >> jay: that's okay. charles, thank you, my friend! be right back with berenice bejo right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ggy d taking abilify i was taking an antidepressant alone. most of the time i could pull myself together and face the day. but other days, i still struggled with my depression. i was coping, but sometimes it really weighed me down. i'd been feeling
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stuck for a long time. i just couldn't shake my depression. so i talked to my doctor and he added abilify to my antidepressant. he said it could help with my depression and that some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i'm glad i talked to him. i wish i'd done it sooner. now i feel more in control of my depression. [ male announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever stiff muscles, and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it. in some cases extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death. other risks include decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness upon standing, seizures, trouble swallowing and impaired judgment or motor skills. my depression
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used to be more of a burden. then my doctor added abilify to my antidepressant. now i feel better. [ male announcer ] if you're still struggling with depression talk to your doctor to see if the option of adding abilify is right for you. and be sure to ask about the free trial offer. we're kind of a quiet couple. yes. but lately we've been using k-y® intense™. it stimulates arousal so the big moment is... (announcer) k-y® brand intense™ - intensifies female satisfaction. capital one's new cash rewards card gives you a 50% annual bonus! so you earn 50% more cash. according to research everybody likes more cash. well almost everybody... ♪ ♪ would you like 50% more cash? no! but it's more money. [ male announcer ] the new capital one cash rewards card. the card for people who want 50% more cash. what's in your wallet? woah! [ giggles ]
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♪ ding dong ding, dong ♪ ♪ hark how the bells, sweet silver bells all seem to say, ♪ ♪ throw cares away, christmas is here, bringing good cheer, ♪ ♪ to young and old, meek and the bold, ding dong ding, dong, ♪ ♪ that is their song, with joyful ring all caroling, ♪ ♪ one seems to hear words of good cheer, from everywhere, ♪ ♪ filling the air oh how they pound, raising the sound, ♪ ♪ o'er hill and dale, telling their tale gaily they ring, ♪ ♪ while people sing songs of good cheer, christmas is here. ♪ ♪ merry, merry, merry, merry christmas ♪ [ indistinct conversations ] nice, huh? yeah. you know what else is nice is all the savings you can get on cruze and traverse over there. oh! that's my beard. [ chuckles ] it's amazing.
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♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] this holiday, chevy's giving more. now very well qualified lessees can sign and drive a 2012 cruze ls for around $199 a month. ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: welcome back. my next guest, a beautiful and talented french actress who stars in the highly-acclaimed silent movie, "the artist." the film just picked up a total of six golden globe nominations. it's a film everybody's talking about. please welcome berenice bejo. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: it's funny to hear you speak. i watched you for two hours and you never said a word. >> i know. i'm glad to be here. thank you. >> jay: it's nice to have you. and congratulations on your six golden globe nominations. that's very impressive. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> thank you. >> jay: now, before we talk about the film, tell us where you're from. >> i was born in buenos aires in argentina. >> jay: okay. >> yeah, so i speak spanish and french. >> jay: oh, okay. >> and my parents ran away from the dictator in the '80s and they went to paris to give my sister and i a better life. >> jay: oh, okay. >> so here i am and i'm very proud and i think about my parents, who would be very proud about everything. >> jay: oh yeah. sure, sure. now, where did you learn english? did you learn english in -- >> from the beatles. >> jay: oh, from the beatles? from american -- >> like "yellow submarine," you know. >> jay: "yellow submarine," okay. [ laughter ] >> "let it be" and all that stuff. and -- and because i grew up watching a lot of american movies when i was little, westerns, musicals. a lot of very, like, the golden age american movies. >> jay: right, okay. >> and then, because i had a a boyfriend ten years ago who was from new zealand, and he didn't speak a word of french and so, i had to speak english. >> jay: oh, okay. so what tv shows? i'm curious what american tv
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shows they -- they showed in france when you were a kid. >> "the muppets." the "muppet" shows. >> jay: "the muppets," yeah? did they have, how do you say, "le knight-rider?" >> yeah, and what did i know? you know what? my parents, they didn't really allow us to watch tv. >> jay: okay. >> 'cause -- i don't know why. and they -- they purchased a a vhs all the time. that's why i grew up with movies. >> jay: so they'd stick you in front of the tv. there's a vhs. press the button. >> yeah, a little bit. >> jay: so how did you get this film? >> i slept with the director. >> jay: you slept with the director? [ cheers and applause ] you can't get -- >> you can't get better. >> jay: you can't get more french than that. >> yeah, exactly! [ laughter ] >> jay: and you and the director also have two children. >> yeah, you know, i have to sleep with him after the movie, too, to say -- to say thank you. [ laughter ] >> jay: and if you want to do the sequel, you gotta sleep with him again. >> yeah, of course, i mean, come on. you know, i've got a golden globe nomination, a sag nomination. he needs to be -- you know.
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>> jay: now, has he worked -- [ light laughter ] has he worked in america before? was this -- >> no. >> jay: oh, okay. >> first time. we shot in hollywood. >> jay: so how did you meet? >> we met six years ago in a -- in a movie. i mean, he was doing an audition and i was living in new york. and my agent called me and said, "berenice, you have to come back for an audition. it's a french director and it's a very french, famous actor who's acting in the movie." i'm like, "no, there's no way. i don't want to go. i'm tired, i'm tired and i'm sad because i just break up with a boyfriend." >> jay: right. >> and i said, "just ask when can i go but that very last moment?" and she called me back and say, "okay, you have to come in february." and i was like, "oh, my god i have to go to do this [ bleep ] audition." [ laughter ] and sorry. >> jay: now, that is a -- that is french word, i believe. >> yeah. >> jay: yeah, french word. >> and so i was really not happy to go back, and -- >> jay: i guess. >> and i come into this room and there he was, like, holding me a script and that's when i met miguel. >> jay: now was it, like, love
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at first sight? very french? >> no, no, no, not at all. no. no. no. [ laughter ] i'm argentina. i need to know the guy before. >> jay: oh, okay. well, here's a picture of you and him. here they are. all right. >> he's so cute. >> jay: there you go. yeah, very cute. well, he is cute. yes, he is. [ applause ] and you have two children. and how old are your children? >> two months and a half, gloria. and three years, lucien. >> jay: okay, that's the boy. he's the oldest. >> he's a boy. >> jay: three, so he should be excited about christmas. >> yeah. >> jay: into it now? >> yeah, he's very excited. he's not a very demanding boy. he just asked for two gifts. can i say legos? >> jay: sure, say whatever you want. >> jay: so he wants legos. >> jay: lego. >> lego, yeah. >> and a motorized car. >> jay: motorized car, okay. >> yeah, you know. >> jay: remote control. >> remote control. that's what he wants. >> jay: go left, go right. >> yeah, that's what he said to me. he said, "mom, i want a car that goes left and right and back and forth." >> jay: very good, very good.
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okay, now you filmed this in hollywood. did you drive here? >> yeah. i drive myself. a big car, so that's the first difference. i mean, big, big cars here. in france, it's all small. >> jay: right. >> because in france, i mean, in paris, the streets are very small and not parallel and, you know, it's, like, a mess. and here it's very organized. you can turn right on red. you can't block the intersection. [ laughter ] >> jay: wait a minute. wait. >> it's very organized. >> jay: did you just say -- los angeles is very organized? is that what you said? [ laughter ] >> yeah. yeah, you should come to paris. it's not organized. >> jay: i don't know what part of town you were driving in, but wow. [ laughter ] maybe the streets just clear when you come out. just like a movie. like that. >> maybe. >> jay: so you actually like -- you prefer driving here? >> oh, yeah. and since, you know, you have tiny, tiny place car. so, you know, here, it's just, like, so easy. >> jay: so let me ask you something. so you go in -- you -- and this movie is presented to you. it's black and white, it's not 3-d and it's silent. did you just go, "eh?"
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i mean, did it seem like a a weird -- >> yeah, it was weird, obviously, when your husband come and say, you know, "i want to do black and white silent movie," while the -- what's the -- the "avatar" was released. >> jay: "avatar" just --e >> yeah, yeah. i was like, "okay, wait." >> jay: yeah. >> but, you know, as an actor, you don't get that chance ever, to do a black and white silent movie. so in the same time i was, like, so pleased and i felt so lucky to have that man in my life. >> jay: so what was his inspiration? was he a big fan of that era? did he -- >> it's an ego trip, you know. >> jay: oh, an ego trip. [ laughter ] that's got to be -- yeah. >> he's an artist. he's the director, you know. it's just -- it's all about him. like, it's all about the writing. >> jay: right. >> all about how he shot the movie -- and not about us, because, you know, we don't talk so there's no dialogue. so all of the information has to be in the images, so it's the way he shot the movie. >> jay: and tell -- and there's a wonderful dog in the movie. the dog is fantastic. this is one of the best acting
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dogs i've ever seen in my life. but tell people what the story is about. it's -- it's a great story. >> the dog? >> jay: no, about the whole -- >> not the dog? no, okay. it's a -- it's love story between a very famous actor in the -- in the silent period, who -- who doesn't want to make the transition to the talking. >> jay: right. >> and he meets this little extra girl. >> jay: right. and she's going to make it to the talkies and she's gonna become very famous. and they kind of have love at the first sight. >> jay: right. >> and he's gonna fall down to a big depression, not working anymore. >> jay: right. >> and she's going to raise. >> jay: so she passes his career. >> yeah. >> jay: okay, we don't want to give the whole thing away. >> no. >> jay: what's happening in the clip we're going to see? do you know? do you know what this clip -- do you know what this clip is? >> no. what is it? >> jay: i asked you. here's the clip. listen carefully. ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: just wonderful. berenice, pleasure to meet you. >> thank you very much. >> jay: thank you so much. congratulations on all your success. >> thank you. >> jay: be right back with amber riley, right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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so, if the mint makes this hot chocolate cool, does the mint hot chocolate make me cool? not really. the new mint hot chocolate from dunkin' donuts. grab the cool sensation of mint today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: my next guest is the powerhouse vocalist, mercedes,
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on the hit series "glee." the dvd, "glee: the concert movie" has just been released today, and tonight she'll perform a song from the cd "glee: the music, the christmas album volume 2." please welcome amber riley. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i don't want a lot for christmas there is just one ♪ ♪ thing i need ♪ ♪ i don't care about the presents underneath the christmas tree ♪ ♪ i just want you for my own more than you could ever know ♪ ♪ make my wish come true all i want for christmas is you ♪
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♪ oh, i don't want a lot for christmas i won't even wish for snow ♪ ♪ i'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe ♪ ♪ i won't make a list and send it to the north pole for saint nick ♪ ♪ i won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click ♪ ♪ 'cause i just want you here tonight holding on to me so tight ♪ ♪ what more can i do baby all i want for christmas is you ♪ ♪ you, baby oh all the lights are shining
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so brightly everywhere ♪ ♪ and the sound of children's laughter fills the air and everyone is singing ♪ ♪ i hear those sleigh bells ringing santa won't you bring me the one i really need ♪ ♪ won't you please bring my baby to me ♪ ♪ oh i don't want a lot for christmas there's one thing i'm asking for i just want to see my baby ♪ ♪ standing right outside my door i just want you on my own ♪ ♪ more than you could ever know make my wish come true ♪ ♪ baby, all i want for christmas is you ♪ ♪ all i want for christmas all i want for christmas ♪
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is you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> merry christmas, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: amber riley, nice job! that was great! >> thank you. >> jay: thank you so much. that was beautiful. thank you. i want to thank my guests, charles barkley, berenice bejo and, of course, amber riley. tomorrow night, thomas haden church will be here. but jimmy fallon's happening right now! jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank you very much everybody. i feel the love. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." i'm so excited, you guys. what a show we have for you tonight. tonight we have tom cruise on the show -- [ cheers and applause ] and tech expert joshua topolsky. [ cheers and applause ] yep, you heard it right, ladies -- tech expert joshua topolsky. [ cheers and applause ] that's for josh. hey, did you guys see this? facebook founder mark zuckerberg apparently went hunting, he killed a bison, nicknamed it billy, then mounted its head on a wall. then, zuckerberg was like, "anyone else want to complain about the new facebook timeline? okay, good." [ laughter ] that's right, mark zuckerberg killed a bison and mounted its head on the wall, which explains why today all my farmville animals migrated to friendster. [ laughter ] get this, guys. [ light laughter ]
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nothing like a good friendster joke, huh? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: according to a new survey, the most annoying word of 2011 was "whatever" -- [ laughter ] which is why i always go with the much less annoying option "whatevsies." in honor of christmas, a town in the uk held a reindeer race on friday night. and of course, it happened to be right when my grandma was crossing the street. [ laughter and ohs ] >> steve: where was this? where? >> jimmy: i didn't tell you? >> steve: no. what happened? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know my grandma, right? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: she -- got run over by a reindeer. [ laughter ] sorry about that. >> steve: where? where? >> jimmy: she was walking home from our house on christmas eve. [ laughter ] >> steve: so, how'd that -- ? i know your grandpa is a man of faith, he loves santa. he loves all the -- >> jimmy: as for me and grandpa, yeah, we still believe in it, yeah. [ laughter ] the biggest problem we have? >> steve: what is that? >> jimmy: we're not sure if we should open the gifts or send them back.
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>> steve: oh my god, i'm so sorry. [ laughter ] so sorry. >> jimmy: no problem. >> send them back. >> jimmy: send them back. thank you, sir. that's right, there was a reindeer race on friday. the runners included dasher, dancer, prancer, and the winner of the race, mutumbe -- [ laughter ] the reindeer from kenya. [ laughter and applause ] the winner -- [ applause ] mutumbe. finally, i heard that the kardashian family just released a special 3-d christmas card. [ scattered groans ] and, this is nice. the card even plays kim's favorite christmas song "the 12 days of marriage." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: we have a huge show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's a superstar, i'm so happy to have him here. god, this guy is a movie star, and this movie is awesome.
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i saw it in imax, which is the way you've got to see this movie. it's just killer. it's just amazing. his new movie "mission: impossible - ghost protocol," tom cruise is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he's the best. i really love that guy. i love this guy, too. our tech expert and editor-in-chief of joshua topolsky is back on the show tonight. >> steve: oh, j-top. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's got the cool gadgets, cool cameras, he's a great guy. and the one and only, gosh, this guy is the best voice out there. rufus wainwright will be performing tonight. [ cheers and applause ] a lot of good people. >> steve: it's a good show. >> jimmy: hey guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of throwing a holiday party. we've got hanukkah starting tonight, then christmas and new year's. everyone is getting together and celebrating, so, let's look at the pros and cons of throwing a
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holiday party. here we go. pro, no christmas party would be complete without assorted nuts. con, a.k.a your extended family. [ scattered applause ] pro, celebrating the birth of the most important figure in christianity. con, tim tebow. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: tiboo. >> jimmy: pro, you won top price at this year's ugly sweater party. con, you didn't realize it was an ugly sweater party. [ laughter ] >> steve: that's the nicest one i have. yeah. >> jimmy: pro, telling your friends your new year's resolution is to lose weight. con, having all of them agree that it's a good idea for you. [ laughter ] >> steve: i'm not saying you're fat. >> jimmy: we were going to say something. >> steve: kind of obese. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: i mean, we saw your christmas card and went "oh my god, was he stung by a thousand bees?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is my favorite sweater. pro, spending time with people during the holidays can be a touching experience.
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con, so can working with herman cain. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: oh, like you know him. [ laughter ] pro, you got so wasted you don't even remember what happened at your office holiday party. con, facebook remembers. [ laughter ] and finally, pro, hearing grandma say "i can't wait to see the yule log." con, hearing grandpa say "that's what she said." [ laughter ] that's the pros and cons, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros ♪ guys, there are only four shows before we go on christmas break. it's time for the beloved "late night" tradition, "12 days of christmas sweaters." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ 12 days of christmas sweaters four days left ♪ >> jimmy: every show -- every show. got hit by that. every show between now and christmas we're giving one lucky audience member an off the chain christmas sweater from the
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countdown to christmas cabinet. since there are four shows left, let's open door number four. [ drumroll ] everything okay? >> yes, great. it's christmas all over the place. >> jimmy: all right, go for it. [ drumroll ] oh, wow. ♪ [ applause ] [ laughter ] oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] creepy. creepy. [ applause ] bonus -- it's a reversible sweater. you can wear it backwards if you want. >> steve: yeah, there you go. >> jimmy: yeah, it's got shoulder pads, too. this one's a good one. now let's see who's going to go home with tonight's sweater. everyone look at your seat number. if i call your number, i need you to jump up and let me know where you are. quest, can i get a drumroll please? [ drumroll ] who wants me to pick their number? it's a good sweater. [ cheers and applause ] it's a good one. number 314. ♪
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there you go. come on over, buddy. ♪ hey buddy, how are you? hold that. what is your name? >> john. >> jimmy: ron? >> john. >> jimmy: john. >> yep. >> jimmy: all right. you should think about ron. that's a good nickname. john, where are you from? >> from south jersey. >> jimmy: oh my gosh, you could totally use this sweater in south jersey. [ laughter ] it gets cold. >> yes. >> jimmy: this is going to match perfect with your shirt, too. you want to try this guy on? >> i would love to. >> jimmy: yeah, it's going to be fun. ♪ [ laughter ] make sure the shoulder pads fit you there. oh, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] come on, look at this. >> thank you. >> jimmy: oh, my god, look at that. that's a great sweater. oh my god. congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: john from south jersey. nice to meet you, buddy. good man. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] a makeover ♪ it's like a makeover. ♪ hey, guys. i'm in the spirit of giving. and, we're about to give away some awesome stuff. it's time for "late night"
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stocking stuffers. hey, ladies. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a late night stocking stuffer girl yeah ♪ >> jimmy: that is right. every night this week, we're going to be giving an awesome gift to every single person in our studio audience. you guys ready to see what you're all getting tonight? [ cheers and applause ] tonight's stocking stuffer is north face hats, gloves and scarves. [ cheers and applause ] whoa! >> steve: jimmy, each member of our studio audience will receive a hat, a pair of gloves and a scarf, all from north face. never stop exploring, jimmy, but stay warm while you do it, with north face. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: super soft, this is phenomenal. yeah, this is really nice. you're going to love this, yeah. very nice. enjoy those, everybody. stick around. we'll be right back with "audience suggestion box." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] there are over half a million apps and counting on the iphone. apps that can take you anywhere and do anything. you might say there's no limit to what this amazing device can do. so the question to ask is -- why would anyone want to limit the iphone? [ phone beeping ] we don't. truly unlimited data for your iphone trouble hearing on the phone? only from sprint. visit it seems like for every anti-aging problem there's a different cream. i challenge that with olay. i've found one cream with everything i'm looking for... olay total effects. with 7 age defying effects in just one, easy to use cream. i've swapped
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to all-in-one total effects. why don't you swap too? [ male announcer ] tom's discovering that living healthy can be fun. see? he's taking his vitamins. new one a day vitacraves plus omega-3 dha is a complete multivitamin for adults. plus an excellent source of omega-3 dha in a great tasting
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gummy. one a day gummies for grown-ups.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: as you guys know -- welcome back. as you guys know, we're always striving to get better here at "late night." ♪ harder better faster stronger ♪ [ laughter ] so, before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience, just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things you'd like to see us do, that kind of stuff. so tonight, let's look inside the "audience suggestion box." here we go. ♪ ♪ jimmy check the box audience suggestion box ♪ >> jimmy: all right, good. all right, let's see what we got here. this one is from eddie kimble. it says "hi, jimmy, can you tell me exactly how many days there are until christmas?" yeah. let's see. today's the 20th, so there's five days. wait, we're on after midnight, so four days.
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then again, technically christmas starts on christmas eve. so let's just say less than 30 days. [ laughter ] let's see what else we have here. this one's from neil sing. "jimmy, i love reality tv, but i work a lot of hours, so i'm always missing my favorite shows. can you have tariq perform a song that catches me up on everything that i missed on reality tv recently?" sure. you guys know tariq from the roots, right? [ cheers and applause ] tariq, you love reality shows, so you can tell us what's going on, right? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: all right. go for it. ♪ ♪ yo, listen, they can never vote me off a "south pacific" island i'm surviving like so ♪ ♪ see, i'm in it just to win this million dollars and my trophy ♪ ♪ if i don't get what they owe me i'm going to get inaproppriate ♪ ♪ like what i scope while surfing through the channels when i got -- shocked by the scandal ♪ ♪ that's been called "atlanta housewives" kim is pumping breast milk driving outside ♪ ♪ sheree and phaedra going back to court about five it gets a bit confusing so who's "the biggest loser" ♪ ♪ she should have been like
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don rhodes and kept it moving he lost 220 pounds now that's improvement ♪ ♪ he won 250 thou now that's some cool whip boy mics ain't nothing to fool with ♪ ♪ it's as serious as parenting when you're a school kid ♪ ♪ that's why chelsea dropped out and planned to get her g.e.d well, that was before she fell ♪ ♪ and reinjured her acl damn that's how you literally fall from grace i win like ernie and cindy on "amazing race" ♪ ♪ armani and marcus had finished but they got third place and to that i give the gas face like third base ♪ ♪ they threw a fit like natalie on "toddlers and tiaras" her mother threw a fit of her own ♪ ♪ who did it better the kid won in the war but mommy didn't see her get it she was playing by the ♪ ♪ rules but texting when the judges read it damn ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you really know reality shows. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] that was great. this one's is from cindy lee. cindy, you out there? [ cheers ]
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"jimmy -- jimmy, have you seen this thing on the internet where arnold schwarzenegger does dvd commentary over his movies?" i saw that, yeah. i wanted to see him do commentary for other videos. can you make that happen? yeah, we can make anything happened. [ laughter ] so since it's christmas time, let's take a look at arnold schwarzenegger doing commentary over a yule log. check this out. [ in arnolds voice ] and here, we have the yule log, it's christmas. and it's crackling and burning, the house smells like wood. also you should know that this yule log is a duraflame from a store. not only because i ripped a the tree from the backyard with my bare hands. i chopped it with my bare hands, you know? it didn't fit, so i went to sam's club, and got the duraflame. get down! [ cheers and applause ] there's gasoline on the fire! just kidding. that was a christmas joke. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a christmas joke. let's see here. this one's from morgan lawrence. "jimmy, i love simon and garfunkel, but i really love black simon and garfunkel." can you have them on?
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it's so crazy you should mention them, because i had dinner uptown at melba's on 114 street last night. they performed and really brought the house down. so, here to do a christmas song for you guys off their new christmas album, "a black simon and garfunkel christmas," put your hands together for black simon and garfunkel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i don't want a lot for christmas there is just one thing i need ♪ ♪ i don't care about the presents underneath the christmas tree ♪ ♪ i just want you for my own more than you could ever know make my wish come true ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ all i want for christmas is you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. black simon and garfunkel, everybody. that was phenomenal. [ cheers and applause ] that's my favorite christmas album. this one is from yanina rodriguez. "i love those old animated christmas specials, but i wonder if you could change the 'frosty the snowman' one, so that when he comes to life for the first time, he says something other than 'happy birthday.'" i think we can do that. let's take a look. ♪ [ wind ] >> y'all don't know me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fond old memories.
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[ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] the last one is from tori sounders. it says, "jimmy i also love those old animated christmas movies." i guess tori knew that this suggestion was going to be in before. >> steve: yeah, they're probably sitting next to each other. >> jimmy: be sitting next to -- >> steve: what are you writing? >> jimmy: -- sitting next to yanina rodriguez. >> steve: yanina, yeah. >> jimmy: "jimmy, i also i love those old animated christmas movies." and, my favorite character was yukon cornelius." i love that dude. [ applause ] "but, i'm also a huge akon fan. so, i think you should find someone who combines those two characters." we have to do this. ladies and gentlemen, here to sing his hit song "wrap that," put your hands together for akon cornelius. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ akon cornelius ♪ ♪ ♪ merry christmas everybooty ♪
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♪ i see you peeking but you won't guess what i got you ♪ ♪ akon cornelius got the red caps on just bought ten rolls of scotch tape ♪ ♪ cause that's how i do ♪ got my scissors and some gift wrap ♪ ♪ just -- just watch me as i wrap that so the kids don't know ♪ ♪ wrap that putting on a bow wrap that and make it snow wrap that ho-ho-ho-ho ♪ ♪ wrap that putting on a bow wrap that so the kids don't know ♪ ♪ wrap that and make it snow wrap that ho-ho-ho-ho ♪ ♪ merry christmas everybooty ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. ♪ wrap that ♪ >> jimmy: akon -- akon cornelius, everybody. that is all the time we have for audience suggestions. get out of here. get away. when we come back, you guys -- [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. get out of here. when we come into back, tom cruise is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: and now it's time to play "guess the gift." is it "a," a festive broach. "b," a nautical telescope. or "c," a citrus-of-the-month membership. we'll give you the answer right after this commercial break.
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[ woman ] my boyfriend and i were going on vacation, so i used my citi thank you card to pick up some accessories. a new belt. some nylons. and what girl wouldn't need new shoes? we talked about getting a diamond. but with all the thank you points i've been earning... ♪ ♪ ...i flew us to the rock i really had in mind. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] the citi thank you card. earn points you can use for travel on any airline with no blackout dates. [ male announcer ] this december, we're thanking our customers with $2 subs -- get the regular 6" cold cut combo or meatball marinara. just $2 each! just 2 bucks! are you kidding me? there's no competition. male announcer ] prices and participation may vary. subway. eat fresh. vo: hurry! old navy funnovations inc.
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is in sweater overdrive. just look at all that sweater! there are sweater purses sweater boots, sweater hats, sweater scarves and sweater hot dogs... sweater what?! who's behind all this? meet grandmabot! grandmabot: hello there dearie. give grandmabot some sugar. vo: she's our patented yarn loving senior knitizen and she's got a gift for everyone. all sweaters are $15 and under, but not for long... old navy. come fun, come all!
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>> announcer: and now, the answer to tonight's "guess the gift." if you guessed "b," a nautical telescope, you were wrong. it's "a," a festive broach. thanks for playing "guess the gift." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. our first guest is one of the biggest movie stars in the world. his latest film, "mission: impossible - ghost protocol" is in imax now, and theatres everywhere on wednesday. ladies and gentlemen, please
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welcome tom cruise. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ get back you don't know me like that get back get back you don't know me like that ♪ ♪ get back i ain't playing around make one false move and i'll take you down ♪ ♪ get back ♪ [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: they had to do it. how are you, brother? >> good, man. >> jimmy: how long have you been -- >> good to be here. >> jimmy: -- in new york? >> a few days. >> jimmy: yeah? have you seen any of the sights or do anything new york-ie? >> yeah, we hit the whole -- you know, we went to the "nutcracker." >> jimmy: oh, did you? >> we went to the christmas spectacular. >> jimmy: oh, the rockettes. >> the rockettes. >> jimmy: isn't that phenomenal? >> it was impressive. >> jimmy: i mean, do they still do the santa thing where there's like 1,000 santas on the stage? >> yeah, it was amazing. >> jimmy: with mirrors and stuff? >> yeah, it was amazing. >> jimmy: i know it is for kids, but i love -- i just find kids and bring them over, yeah. [ laughter ] >> the precision of what they do. we really enjoyed it. and then, we went ice skating at rockefeller center. >> jimmy: oh, that's it. [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, we're in new york. >> jimmy: yeah. you started acting here in new york, right? >> when i was 18.
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>> jimmy: where did you live? where was your apartment? >> i had a place on the upper west side -- you know, i wouldn't call it an apartment. it was kind of like a hovel. >> jimmy: a shoebox. >> yeah, a shoebox. and i was the maintenance guy there. >> jimmy: you were the maintenance guy in the building? >> so i could save money. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you were of like the landlord, kind of? >> well, not the landlord, just the maintenance guy. i'm the guy that's like, take the garbage out, shovel the sidewalk. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, they called me for the heating, you know, if there was something wrong with the plumbing. i couldn't fix the plumbing. i wasn't a great maintenance guy, but -- you know. >> jimmy: you were a decent one. >> yeah, i was all right. >> jimmy: like changed light bulbs? >> yeah, i'd change the light bulbs, then, i got "taps," and they were like, where's the maintenance guy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's in movies now, yeah. >> that guy just killed my maintenance guy. >> jimmy: that's my maintenance guy right there, yeah. you've been all over the place. you've been to tokyo, dubai, moscow, madrid, rio, london, india -- i mean, how was india? >> it was cool. that's unbelievable. i always wanted to go to india. and anil kapoor -- he was in
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"slumdog millionaire." >> jimmy: oh yeah. oh, i love that guy. >> great movie, yeah. >> jimmy: isn't he a comedian? >> anil kapoor, yeah, he's just a brilliant actor. and i met him. i gave them the award, at one of the award shows, and he said, "listen, you've got to come to india." and, i told him i always wanted to. and so, he's in the film with me, and i said, "this is it, i'm going to india." and, he hosted me through india. it was an extraordinary experience. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, i got to got the to go to the taj mahal, i mean, you know. >> jimmy: that's just insane. >> i know. i was only there for about a day and a half. >> jimmy: yes, i saw pictures of it. oh my goodness. look at this. i mean, it looks fake. are you sure that's not a green screen? >> i know. [ laughter ] i know, it does look like cgi. >> jimmy: you can do this in times square, yeah. you did this with your computer, yeah. [ laughter ] >> security kept saying "you can't go to the taj mahal." look, i'm going to the taj mahal, and then, they said okay. well, we got there and they said "you can't go across the courtyard." so, i said, "look, i'm going across the courtyard." and then, we got there. and there's a lot of people in india, and they said, when i finally -- i was really close to the taj mahal, and they said "it's just not safe for you to go in the taj mahal." and i said "lo


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